JUSTIN

So I’m sure you're wondering about the whole jail and stuff, but first I need to get to what caused Emmett to go all ‘Homicidal Queen’ on the Jag. It started after I got over the whole ‘Being Adult’ episode. I was hanging out with good old Joe, you know, just suggesting that maybe he should like quit acting like the employees aren’t employees. Emmett came in to pick me up to look at suits, since I wasn’t going to be wearing anything fun to the wedding. Normally Emmett’s like all happy and talking a mile a minute, which makes it hard when I think of something to say, because Emmett really doesn’t pause long enough for me to say anything. I learned to just do the work that Murph tells me is my job, while Emmett's going on about stuff.

Well that day, he came in and didn’t say anything just got that look that says Drew might not be getting any sex for a while. Since it meant I got to talk, I didn’t ask, but I really should have. It might have saved the car, but hey, everyone needs to hit a wall with a car just once, it kind of makes you happy to survive, I know I was.

We were going to the other tailor in Brian’s life, when we see Drew walking down the sidewalk with this really built guy. Now really, it wasn’t all that bad, they just kind of hugged good-bye and the guy like tried to kiss Drew. Let’s just say the wall saved them, because when Emmett aimed for them I turned the steering wheel, I didn’t want to go to jail when I’d finally decided to get married. So Drew assumed that the brakes failed, and well I didn’t get to tell him anything because Brian comes running out of the deli that Drew and the other guy came out of to kill Emmett for like almost killing the LOVE OF HIS LIFE. Man, I was like all smiling through my bruised up nose, he actually said that out loud. Which kind of got lost in the ‘I’m going to fucking kill you’ that came next. Emmett had to suddenly open his mouth and tell Drew he wasn’t aiming at the wall. Needless to say, Emmett isn’t allowed to drive us anywhere anymore. Brian appointed Marco to drive, because apparently he isn’t a ‘crazy fucking queen’.

Drew got a new trainer, and the idiot is trying to get Drew killed by Emmett. The guy doesn’t get that Emmett has this thing about guys hitting on Drew. So like you would think that Drew would smarten up and tell the guy to take a hike, but no, Quinn is the best in the business and Leo Brown wants Quinn to be the trainer, so because Leo wants it and you know, pays Drew a few million to take ass shots in underwear, Quinn stayed and drove Emmett up a wall.

I wanted Emmett not to like, kill my five tiered wedding cake by throwing Quinn on it, so I’m keeping him in the dressing room to get a chance to see if I could eat a tier or two.

“Why did they invite the asshole to the wedding?” Emmett ask.

“Leo wanted it.” I tell him, because Emmett was close to the goodies with the lint brush and well, he tends to swing his arms when he gets all pissy.

“I’ve refrained from finding a sword and running his ass through, but I will not put up with all the touching the dick seems to think Drew needs when he works out.” Emmett tells me swinging, and man I’m just glad I evaded.

“Drew isn’t interested in Quinn.” Blake tells him.

“Really, then why has Drew been everywhere but home in the last month?” Emmett charges over to Blake swinging away.

“Justin, we didn’t rent the church all day.” Daphne yells.

“Tell the reverend, one more word and I’m going to bail Satan out to see this travesty.” I yell.

“Emmett, maybe I’m not the only one who’s not you know, doing it for my partner.” MM is not really helping me get married by saying that.

“I’ll have you know that when I ride, it’s a fucking carnival of feasts. No one leaves my bed saying they did all the WORK!” Emmett really didn’t have to bring up MM’s lack of, well, any skills.

“He was fine with the whole top thing!” MM yells, and I think the whole church heard that one.

“Emmett, so I’m going to say this and you know Brian will kill you if you touch one hair on my little blond head, right?” I ask him. He waves his lint brush. “It’s a secret and you need to calm down.” I tell him.

“JUSTIN!” Blake yells at me, and I didn’t tell.

“What do you mean secret?” Emmett comes to me and I squirmed, Drew really wanted to surprise Emmett today. Not that I’m still not pissed about the strippers, but Drew didn’t cancel them.

“Just that Drew was doing something for you.” I tell him. “And if I tell then it won’t be as fun when you find out.” I tell him.

“What about Quinn?” Emmett asks me.

“Yeah, that did seem a bit suspicious. I mean Drew disappears and so does Quinn, but you know, I kind of had the squad drop him off in random places. Brian started acting like I was all fragile after the car/wall thing. It was all sweet, and you know comatose sex is really more fun. I was topping way more than I wanted to, because Brian was worried that I would be like claustrophobic from being stuck in the car when the door wouldn’t open, but I was just looking to see if I would have like a awesome bruise.” I stopped when they all looked a bit lost.

“What about last night, explain that!” Emmett hisses at me.

“How you wanted to do the whole separate bachelor party so I wasn’t there. You and Blake were the ones who decided to go all ‘Spy Games’ on them.” I tell him.

“I will admit that I might have caused the whole Satan charging Babylon.” Blake tells us.

“Seriously, you two are way too jealous.” I tell them.

“You know, I’m just going to say, you don’t have room to talk Mr Pink Slip.” MM tells me.

“Hello, he thought Brian would drop my ass for his non existent ass, I thought maybe the ‘He’s just not into any ass but mine’ would have been enough to stop the stalking of my fiance, and soon to be husband. But no, the asshole strips and runs through Babylon shaking his erection killer ass at Brian, so I sent him the Pink Slip.” I tell them.

“Justin, I’m going to take this door off the hinges if you don’t get your ass out here and marry me.” Brian threatens, and you know I almost wanted to see if he could just come in and maybe join me in the closet but I was still trying to solve Drew’s soon to be lack of dick.

“Go wait, I heard that anticipation is almost as good as the sex I didn’t get last night.” I yell.

“Are you really pissed about last night?” He asks through the door.

Okay, now I could tell him no, because you know it was funny to see Satan in a cell next to Brian, but if I did then he would like know that if he broke down the door, we be married by now.

“I’m thinking about not being mad, so go play while I help Emmett.” I whisper through the door.

“I love you.” He whispers.

I backed away because I needed to calm Emmett down first. Blood is just not part of my color scheme.

“Emmett, I need to like get married, so can we fix your homicidal intentions?” I ask him.

“He’s sitting next to Quinn right now.” Emmett tells us.

“OH MY GOD, he wants to propose and wanted to dance, not like a club boy, with you after.” MM the big mouth tells him. I knew I could depend on MM. See, I didn’t tell.

“What?” Emmett puts the lint brush down.

“He asked Brian to help him learn to ballroom dance, so he could like dance with you and then propose.” I tell Emmett.

“But Quinn always seemed to be nowhere when Drew disappeared.” Emmett looks at me.

“I kind think Quinn’s like all brawn and absolutely no brain. I had the Squad like tell him that Drew wanted to meet him secretly and they would leave him like in places like biker bars and Satan’s cult. He kept falling for it so the squad, who has way too much time on their hands, started making bets on all the random places to leave him.” I tell him.

“So maybe I shouldn’t have put the icy hot in all of Quinn’s underwear?” Emmett didn’t tell us that.

“Is that why he seems to be walking so funny all the time?” MM asks.

“How does he not notice the smell.” Blake asks, and yeah, that stuff stinks.

“In a men’s locker room, there are too many smells to compete with. So I waited until he was touching Drew and added a little something to give him his own fire crotch.” Emmett tells us.

“Good one, remind me of that when Jasper does his whole, stalker gym rat.” I tell Emmett.

“Brian just lets Jasper get away with it because he likes when you get pissed about it.” Emmett tells me.

“Which is better than Ted kissing the fucking twink stripper.” Blake tells us.

I’m so never leaving this room. I don’t even know how to explain that one. I selfie Thunder to Brian.

“THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE SO NEEDS HIS OWN THUNDER”

“THE LOVE OF MY LIFE NEEDS TO GET HIS ASS TO HIS WEDDING, AND NO!”