JUSTIN

Oh my God, they called out the big gun. All of us just froze when I heard the voice. I swear she's up there with Satan. I could tell they were going to break and my ass would be married if I didn't think of something, fast. And yes, I want to get married, but only after I'm ready. Which probably sounds completely nuts, since we're at the church and all.

“Sorry, but until Blake isn’t pissed at Ted, we can't come out. I want this to be a happy day.” I tell the devil.

“Justin, I have rocky road fudge.” Deb whispers, and this is how good boys make it to hell, fudge.

“Um, can you still have it after we like solve ‘Twink kissed Ted’?” I ask, because she makes the good kind.

“Maybe let me in and I could help.” She tells us.

“That's like Ma code for ‘open the fucking door’.” MM whispers, but I can see mama's boy wants chocolate goodness too.

“Ted is dead to me.” Blake tells us, sinking further into his chair.

It was all that it took for us to ignore the fudge.

“Hey, Teddy loves you. I doubt he was into that guy.” Emmett tells him.

“Tell that to the tongue down his throat.” Blake tells us.

“Was it like, you know...?” I ask and realize they need me to explain. “So, like Brian loves me and all, but you know he's not blind, that men would dump my ass in a river for a chance with him.” I tell them.

“The general consensus is like, Jimmy Hoffa your perky bottom.” Marco so helpfully adds.

Shaking that thought completely away. “So he looks, but in the end it's my ass that gets Brian. So maybe Ted just liked all the attention that he's usually seeing by standing next to Brian. So when someone kissed him he didn’t know how to react and all.” I tell him, pulling that completely out of my ass.

“I used to pretend the guys were really looking at me, but well, I thought that because I usually stood in front of him.” MM is so right, that's why I looked the first time, he was blocking the view. We all look to Emmett.

“What, those guy were looking to bottom, not my speed, or even MM bottom boy to the masses.” Emmett tells us.

“So maybe instead of hiding in here, go out and like kiss the crap out of him.” I tell him, because I swear the fudge is coming through the vents.

“Let's talk about hiding.” Brian fucking Kinney says from behind me.

I look around and well I just don’t see how he got in. He's got all kinds of awesome skills.

BRIAN

You know, I've been patient with Justin’s never-ending crazy, but I'd like to actually marry the twat. He’s not really upset about the surprise bachelor party or even the strippers. He thinks he's mad because I canceled his, but I just had a feeling that he'd try to reform them.

“So can we finally get married?” I ask.

“Well, we still need to get Blake a little less likely to shred Ted’s boring wardrobe, but after that yeah, you know, since we’re in a church and all.” Justin tells me, holding Thunder.

“Fine, what’s the problem?” I ask Blake, anything to hurry this up.

“He was kissing someone else.” Blake tells me.

“And?” I ask.

“And I got pissed and told Satan and her followers that protesting outside didn’t stop the sinning inside. So Ted is acting all pissed that the cops were called and that it’s somehow my fault. When none of it would have happened if he hadn’t been kissing the twink.” Blake tells me.

“Shit, they're becoming you.” I tell Justin.

“What, I wouldn’t have sent in Satan, my squad would have done so much better and not ended up in jail with you and your strippers.” Justin tells me, acting superior.

“Well your other squad obviously hasn’t learned what your girl squad seems to know. That sometimes you punish by stealth. So you thought letting my mother into my club to throw holy water on us was going to accomplish what?” I ask Blake.

“I didn’t care, he was kissing someone who wasn’t me.” Blake tells him.

“So like, could you tell me what happened? I only got the whole jail episode.” Justin asks.

“Well, I went to see why there was a flood in my club. Since Ted seemed to be trying to get me to show up, instead I walked into a party to celebrate my last day of sanity. So since you and your women wanted to do this whole not being together thing, I stayed and witnessed less than stellar asses shaking in front of me while Drew sat there praying that today would make up for all the shit Emmett has been doing to that idiot Quinn. Ted meanwhile got jumped by a drunk twink who thought kissing Theodore was a fabulous idea, not realizing that the “Crazy fucking Queen” and “Ex Crystal Queen” seemed to think my mother just needed to see gay to understand it. So after being doused in her gallon of holy water, it seemed to make her disciples think after seeing Me, Drew, and Ben wet that maybe gay wasn’t so bad for the guys, but seemed to incite the lesbian not wannabes. So they decided to fight for their men. Let me tell you, lesbian’s fight dirty. So since a few cops got slapped and kicked for their trouble, we all ended up in jail. All because of Ted getting kissed.” I explain.

“Yeah that clears up so much, but like did anybody take pictures of you guys like all wet and everything.” Justin seems to be lost in the fantasy.

“Oh God, he’s never going to forgive me for shredding that brown suit.” Blake tells us.

“Yes he will, because I’m going to give him a raise for you getting rid of that horrible fashion mistake.” I tell him.

Justin sneaks to the door and puts his hand out while watching all this and really, like Deb would have not save him some.

“So since the door has opened can we do this.” I ask.

“Um, well Marco, do you have like anything we need to solve?” Justin asks while biting into the fudge.

You know I started this as a caveman and I’m ending this as a caveman. I threw Justin over my shoulder and walked him into the chapel. I am damn well getting married today. I put him down in front of Tom and took the fudge and handed it to Gus who put the whole thing in his chocolate covered mouth.

“Today we stand here to join Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor in Holy Matrimony.”

“Ouch Ma, I wasn’t protesting, I just wanted some of that before Justin eats it all.” MM whispers and yells at the same time.

“Can you skip the shit Justin might just have to think about and just marry us?” I ask.

“What do you mean, I’m here and all dressed, I can’t help that my people needed me.” Justin tells me, outraged.

“Yeah, I was kind of thinking that Drew’s gym need a Hummer to plow into it, but now I’m good.” Emmett tells us.

“Justin do you take Brian to be your husband?” Tom is really trying here, give him props.

“See, I kept that from happening. I do.” Justin tells me.

“Brian do you take Justin to be your husband?” Tom asks.

“You probably kept them pissed just so you could drive me crazy, but Justin you and strippers just sounded like a bad idea. I do.” I tell him.

“Is there anyone here…”, Tom stopped at my glare.

“Why, because I might have enjoyed looking at something other than your perfect chest and…”, And we’ve lost Justin.

“Finish it, while he’s distracted.” MM tells Tom.

“Then by the powers vested in me I pronounce you married in the eyes of God and Pennsylvania.” Tom tells us.

I kiss Justin’s pouty lips, and let’s just say Justin seems to be back where he was imagining my perfect chest, because I really had to keep my pants buttoned during that kiss, hello Gus.