"Wait... what?" I asked, not wanting to believe that Brian had just said what I thought he just said.

He sighed and motioned between us with his hand. "This - it has to stop. I almost lost my job because..."

I waited for him to finish his sentence, but instead he just continued to smoke his cigarette.

"Because what?" I demanded after several seconds of silence.

"Because of you!" he finally yelled. "Because I let things get way out of control. You just kept pushing, and I let you worm your way into my life and my bed. I must have been out of my fucking mind to ever let it go this far. Yeah, we've had fun, but I need to stop letting my dick make my decisions and use my head for once. I even gave you a blow job on school property, for fuck's sake!"

I really didn't want to cry in front of him like a little girl, but I couldn't help it.

"What about what your heart is telling you?" I asked as fat tears spilled onto my cheeks.

He looked at me like he had never heard of such a concept. "Huh?"

"You can't sit here and tell me everything that's happened between us these past few weeks has been purely physical. We both know that you can fuck anyone you want on this street, but despite the fact that it could destroy your teaching career, you've repeatedly fucked around with me, minus the actual act of fucking."

Brian stubbed out his cigarette in the dashboard ashtray and stared at the steering wheel. "What can I say? I guess I'm a sucker for pretty little blonde twinks."

I scoffed. "Oh, give it up, Brian. You have feelings for me and more than just those in your pants."

He shook his head, unable to look me in the eye. "It doesn't matter how I feel about you, because it's not worth it to risk my career. Someone needs to be the adult here and that unfortunately has to be me, despite what an immature degenerate I pride myself to be in my personal life."

Deep down, I knew he was right. I had known since the day I decided to go to his father's funeral visitation that I was overstepping the teacher/student boundaries and it quickly escalated from there. True, he was the one that first kissed me, but I had shamelessly continued to tempt him to go further. Then again, he was supposed to be the adult and probably should have done something to stop the madness.

That's what I knew in my head. My heart, on the other hand, felt like it was literally ripping apart inside of my chest.

I discarded my cigarette and crossed my arms to keep from embarrassing myself by climbing onto his lap and crying on his shoulder.

"So are we just supposed go back to school tomorrow and pretend like these past few weeks never happened?" I asked. "That every hug, every kiss, every blow job-"

"Yes, that's exactly what we're going to do," Brian gruffly answered before I could continue listing all of our transgressions. "And I would appreciate it if you'd stay away from Liberty Avenue, especially Babylon."

"I still work at the diner," I pointed out.

"Well, if you see me there, treat me as you would as if I were any other customer. Don't call me, don't email me, don't show up at my loft, don't go around looking for me... just leave me the fuck alone, alright? If you want to be with someone so badly, maybe you should fuck Daphne. Hell, the two of you would make an adorable couple."

A new river of tears began pouring out. "That's not what I want! I want you! I love-"

"You can't have me!" he said, smacking his hands on the steering wheel for emphasis.

"What about after I graduate in May?" I asked pitifully, hoping that there was light at the end of this dark tunnel. "We won't have to hide anymore."

"Who knows we're we'll be then," he said to the steering wheel. "You'll be getting ready to go off to college and I'll be planning a trip to Europe that I intend to take this summer. In the meantime, I don't need any distractions."

Brian then reached over me and pushed opened the passenger door. "Now, go do your homework."

I took a tear-choked breath before getting out of the Jeep.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Kinney," I said before slamming the door closed.

********************

It took every ounce of strength I had to get up, get dressed, and get my ass off to school the next morning. I would have stayed home, but I knew I could not miss any more days and still keep my grades up after my suspension. Daphne knew that I was upset about something during the ride to school, but I told her that I had been suffering from a headache all night and didn't get much sleep.

In reality, I didn't get a wink of sleep after I had somehow managed to drive myself back home without crashing the car. Knowing that sleep was going to be impossible and wanting to prolong my emotional suffering for whatever reason, I stayed up watching Titanic, The Lion King, and Ghost, movies that never failed to turn me into a sobbing mess.

I had to excuse myself during my Calculus class, which was right before Brian's Creative Writing class, to dry-heave in the bathroom. Just knowing I had to see him the next class period was making me a nervous wreck.

I dragged myself to Brian's class after Calculus was over, where I found him standing at his usual post outside the door during the passing period. He immediately locked eyes with me as I made my way to his classroom.

Of course the asshole looked like he should be on the cover of GQ with his designer suit, perfect hair, and body like a Greek god. I didn't know whether I wanted to strangle him or drop to my knees to suck his dick right there in the hallway.

"Hello, Mr. Taylor," he said to me, a slight smile on his gorgeous face.

"Mr. Kinney," I replied. "Welcome back."

His smile widened. "I'm glad to be back."

I walked into the room and took my seat next to Daphne.

"Mr. Kinney's back," she said as if I hadn't just walked right past him two seconds before.

"Couldn't miss him," I answered dryly.

Daphne gave me a curious look. "I thought you'd be thrilled, since you were nearly shitting your pants yesterday over whether he'd be allowed back at school."

Luckily, the bell rang before I had to come up with a response to her inquiry. Brian closed the door behind him.

"Good morning, everyone," he called out as he walked over to his desk.

"Good morning, Mr. Kinney," my fellow classmates replied.

I refrained from joining in the greeting and busied myself in flipping through my textbook.

"First of all," Brian began, "I must apologize for my absence these past several days. Some of you may be aware of what transpired last week before Thanksgiving Break occurred, but we're not going to talk about that. We have a lot of work to do before the semester ends, which is only three and a half weeks away, and we don't need any distractions."

I looked up and saw that his dreamy hazel eyes were on me. He quickly looked away after I caught him.

Don't need any distractions - that was exactly what he had said when he dumped my sorry ass the previous evening. That's all I was to him, a distraction.

I somehow made it through the class period without producing any tears or vomit. I even managed to eat half a cheeseburger and a couple of potato wedges during lunch, despite Brian being in the cafeteria with me during his monitoring duty.

Daphne noticed that I was picking over my food.

"Jesus," she said, knowing what a voracious appetite I normally had. "Are you getting the flu or something?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm just worried that I'm not going to be able to catch up with all of my assignments."

"I brought some of them to you while you were gone and even turned some back into your teachers," she reminded me. "Plus, you were given time extensions on some stuff. You'll be fine."

"I know, I just..."

I paused and looked up, the overwhelming feeling that I was being watched forcing me to investigate. Sure enough, Brian and Lindsay were both staring at me. I was sure by then that Brian must have told Lindsay that he broke things off with me, though I could not judge by the look on her face how she felt about it.

I would bet that he had told the whole gang at the diner after I took off. I could imagine Michael dancing in the street with joy.

"Did anyone else watch That 70's Show last night?" September asked.

"Yes, it was so good!" Daphne answered, distracting me with a discussion of what had happened during the episode that I missed.

I had to see Brian again during his English Literature class later that afternoon. Hobbs was also there and gave me a nod as he walked by me on the way to his desk in the back of the room.

At least I didn't have to worry about him anymore.

Once class began, Brian repeated his little apology and the "we don't need any distractions" bit. That time, I turned and looked back at Hobbs who was hanging his head in what appeared to be shame.

After taking attendance, Brian started a discussion of Act IV of Hamlet. I tried to follow along, but my lack of sleep caused me to slowly begin to sink down in my chair and lay my head on my desk. I soon drifted off to sleep.

"Mr. Taylor!" Brian suddenly called out, waking me up from my slumber.

I raised my head and slurped some drool back into my mouth. "Yes, Mr. Kinney?"

"Are we breaking into your naptime?" he asked me in scathing tone.

 I heard a few giggles throughout the room.

"As a matter of fact, yes, you are," I answered groggily.

Brian looked surprised by my response. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, so if you'll excuse me," I said before putting my head back down and closing my eyes.

There were more giggles, hoots, and amused exclamations from my classmates.

I heard some shuffling at the front of the room, followed by Brian's dress shoes clacking on the floor as he approached me.

He slapped his hand on my desk in front of my face, causing me to nearly jump to the ceiling. I saw that there was a slip of paper under his hand.

"Go to the office," Brian ordered before turning on his heel and walking back to his desk.

I looked at the paper and discovered that it was an office referral, of which I had never before received in my entire academic career. Brian had checked the box next to "defiance" as the reason for the write-up and recommended "verbal warning" as punishment.

I got up and walked towards the door, glancing at Brian over my shoulder.

"Farewell, fair cruelty," I said, quoting Viola from Twelfth Night before I left.

The school counselor was not happy to see me since she knew I had just been suspended for fighting. She told me not to be rude to Mr. Kinney or any other instructor ever again and recommended that I spend the rest of the class period writing a letter of apology to him.

I sat down on a chair outside of the counselor's office and pulled out a spiral notebook.

I wrote:

(Not-So) Dearest Brian Fucking Kinney,

The counselor said I should write you a letter of apology, so here we go.

I'm sorry you're such an asshole. No, actually I'm NOT sorry... because it's ALL your fault! I fell asleep in your class because I was too busy crying my fucking eyes out last night over YOU to sleep.

(No Longer) Yours,

Justin

P.S.: Kiss my ass, go fuck yourself, and go to Hell, you fucking piece of shit!!

I read my juvenile words over and chuckled to myself. I could be an immature degenerate, too.

Figuring I ought to write a serious apology, I flipped to another blank page and wrote a second letter:

Dear Mr. Kinney,

I apologize for falling asleep during your class today and being disrespectful afterwards. I did not sleep very well last night, but I should not have dozed off on your time. I will not let anything like this happen again. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to remedy this unfortunate incident.

Sincerely,

Justin Taylor

Reading the letter a second time made me feel like I was going to hurl again, but I figured that it was much more appropriate than my previous letter. I hoped that dear Mr. Kinney got instant diabetes after reading my sugary-sweet words.

I debated for a minute which letter I should give to him before looking at my watch and seeing that the class period was almost over. I tore both pages out of the notebook and folded them separately. I wrote Brian on the outside of the letter to Brian Fucking Kinney and Mr. Kinney on the other one. I got an envelope from the office secretary and stuffed both letters inside, leaving the outside of the envelope blank.

After the bell rang, I walked back to Brian's classroom and found him standing outside the door once again. I handed the envelope to him without saying a word. His long fingers grazed over mine as he took it from me.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully until after the last bell rang when I met Daphne at her locker. While I was waiting for her to finish loading up her backpack, Brian walked past me and silently dropped a folded piece of paper at my feet. I quickly bent down, picked the paper up, and stuck it in my coat pocket.

"Hey, I need to use the restroom before we go," I said to Daphne.

"We'll be home in like, five minutes," she said as she continued to rifle through her locker. "Where is my fucking-"

"I'll be right back," I said before practically sprinting to the men's room down the hall and into an empty stall to read Brian's letter.

Dear Mr. Taylor,

I greatly appreciate and accept your apology. It is unlike you to be anything but attentive and respectful in class, so I do not foresee an incident like this to happen again. I hope you are able to get a better night's sleep tonight so you may join in our discussion of Hamlet with your usual enthusiasm tomorrow.

I assigned the five questions on page 386 in our textbook to be turned in tomorrow at the beginning of class. Please be sure that your answers are in complete sentences.

Sincerely,

Mr. Kinney

I turned the letter over and made sure that there were no more pages. Indeed, it was only one page and only included a response from "Mr. Kinney."

Not a word from "Brian Fucking Kinney."

That fucking asshole.

After reading through it two more times to be sure there were no hidden messages or meanings, I put the letter back in my pocket and stomped back down the hallway to meet Daphne.

"Damn, did you have to take a shit or something?" she asked as we made our way to the exit.

"No," I answered curtly.

Once we were in Daphne's car and had our seatbelts fastened I asked her, "Daph, do you remember the conversation we had yesterday?"

She froze with her keys in her hand. "Uh, yeah."

"I think we should do it... today."