Brian's alarm clock woke us up at seven the next morning. Reminding me that he needed to get to the school to finish grading finals and pack up his desk, we took a quick shower together that didn't even include a courtesy hand job to relieve my morning wood. He dropped me off down the street from my house, giving me a quick peck on the lips and a "later" to dismiss me.

"So much for the romantic Brian from last night," I mumbled as I watched the Jeep retreat down the street.

Having nothing better to do that day, I went to the diner and worked an eight-hour shift. Emmett, Michael, and Ted came in for lunch and sat at the counter.

I was rolling silverware close to them and couldn't help but listen to their conversation.

"The things my tongue could do to his nipples... that is, if I was single," Michael said.

I looked over at what his eyes were tracking and found that there was a guy with a fairly nice ass walking towards the back of the restaurant.

Ted chuckled. "I'm right there with you, only I'd go for his abs."

"I'd like to thank you boys for leaving me the most tender, delectable morsel," Emmett said. "Now that Brian's finally out of the picture, I might actually stand a chance."

"He's not out of the picture," I cut in.

Emmett looked at me and gave me a sympathetic smile. "Not yet sweetie, but it sure sounds like he's made his mind up to leave. After you ran out of Woody's last night, he said that a realtor would be coming by this evening to get the ball rolling on selling his place and Babylon."

I had to tighten the grip on the butter knife I was holding so I wouldn't drop it. "What? He didn't tell me that."

"Oh, poor you," Michael said in a nasty tone. "He promised me that we'd go to the movies tonight, and we might not even get to the theater on time. He knows that I hate to get there late and get stuck with shitty seats."

I realized that I had been pointing the butter knife at Michael when Emmett pushed my hand down.

Later that evening after I had gone home, showered, and ate dinner, I called Daphne. I was planning on breaking the news to her about Brian quitting St. James and moving to New York until I heard her voice.

"Hey," she said, sounding bummed out about something.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.

She sighed. "Glen dumped me last night."

"Oh..." I said, completely taken aback. "I didn't even realize you guys were still seeing each other. You like, never talk about him."

"It just wasn't very serious, so there wasn't a lot to talk about. It's not like I've been fucking a teacher or something."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, it must have been sort of serious, since you were thinking about having sex with him. I'm guessing that you didn't though, since you haven't told me."

"That's why he dumped me, because I wouldn't have sex with him."

I was speechless for a few seconds. "You... but you almost had sex with me."

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How's that different? You're obviously ready to have sex, and after our unsuccessful attempt, I assumed that you'd eventually do it with Glen."

"You assumed wrong," she almost whispered.

"Well then, what was the problem? I mean, Glen's a cute guy-"

"I wasn't in love him," Daphne blurted out.

"But you-" I began to say before it hit me.

Oh no.

"Daph... are you..."

"Just forget it, okay?" she insisted, sounding as if she was starting to cry. "I gotta go."

She hung up on me before I could say anything else.

Well, fuck me.

I was in love with a man who was so scared of loving me that he was willing to move almost 400 miles away to get away from me, and then I had just learned that my best friend, who I almost fucked had it not been for my malfunctioning equipment, thought she was in love with me.

I tried to call Daphne again, but she wouldn't pick up the phone. I figured she was too embarrassed to answer, so I left her alone.

The next couple of days went by in a blur. My mother roped me into going to the homeless shelter that Friday to wrap presents that would be given out to needy families on Christmas Eve, which was that coming Sunday. I promised her that I would help pass the presents out on Sunday afternoon, since it was what we always did every year as a family. She didn't know whether my father would make an appearance, but we both hoped that he wouldn't.

I thought about calling Emmett that evening to see if he and Ted were planning a trip to Babylon but decided that I was not in the mood for music and dancing. I also didn't know how I'd react if I saw Brian, wanting to avoid breaking down and crying in front of him again if at all possible.

I worked on Saturday, promising Debbie that I'd come to her house the next day for Christmas Eve dinner after I was done with my good deed at the homeless shelter. She was unsure if Brian would be there or not, since he was, according to Debbie, harder to get ahold of on the phone than the Pope. Everyone in the "family" had an open invitation to her home every Christmas Eve to exchange gifts and eat another Grassi/Novotny feast. Debbie said that Brian came over every year.

I looked at the front door every time I heard the bell over the door ring that day, not knowing whether I hoped it would be Brian coming in or hoped that it wouldn't be. Either way, he did not make an appearance. Ted and Emmett did, and I learned that Blake fell off the wagon and started using crystal meth again. He checked himself into rehab at Ted's insistence the previous day, but only stayed for a few hours before he took off.

I was almost ashamed of myself for being glad I wasn't the only one who was dealing with a wayward lover that would rather run than stay and deal with life.

Christmas Eve arrived, and I hadn't heard a peep from either Daphne or Brian in three days by that point. Daphne I could handle, but Brian was another story. I was nervous about seeing him but was going to try appealing to him one last time to change his mind about moving to New York.

I put on a red button-up and a pair of gray slacks that Brian had bought me before heading to the homeless shelter with Mom and Molly. Mom had noticed my outfit as we were putting on our coats, telling me I looked really "spiffy" and asked if my "rich boyfriend Emmett" bought it for me. I had almost forgotten about the Emmett Charade and quickly said yes, that he bought it for me at the Armani store for my birthday. I had to fight the tears that threatened to fall as I remembered the wonderful time Brian and I had over my birthday weekend.

The Chanders family also volunteered at the shelter on Christmas Eve, and I found Daphne there shortly after we arrived around eleven. She was working the carving station, holding a serving fork and a very large knife as she alternated carving ham and roast beef for the people standing in line.

Molly and I played Santa's Helpers, and it took me all of two seconds to realize that the man who was dressed up as Santa that year was none other than our father. Molly still believed in Santa, so I did not want to ruin it for her and the other children by being an asshole to this Santa. I stayed as far away from him as I could.

Once all the presents were passed out, I went over to the serving line to talk to Daphne. I put my hands in my pockets and slowly approached her as she was cutting some ham for an older woman.

"Hey Daph," I said.

"Hey," she replied, looking a bit tired as she focused on her carving job.

"Do you want me to take over carving for you?" I asked, extending an olive branch.

She looked up at me and inspected my clothes, which she knew were presents from Brian. "No, I wouldn't want you to ruin your fancy outfit."

I looked down at myself. "Yeah, minus the one suit I have, this is the most expensive outfit I own. It kind of makes me feel like an asshole, wearing it here today. Look, I don't want to upset you while you have potential murder weapons in your hands, but... are we okay? I hate having this weirdness between us, especially at Christmas."

The old lady waiting for the ham scowled at me. "Make up with your girlfriend on your own time, pal."

Daphne put a big piece of ham on the woman's plate, which made her happy enough to move on down the line.

"Yeah, we're okay," she said. "I shouldn't have said what I said the other day, or rather what I implied. It was stupid."

"No, it wasn't," I assured her.

I was the poster child of harboring feelings for someone who I had zero chance with; that is, until Brian had given me a glimmer of hope after he first kissed me and later made me fall in love with him, the bastard.

"I know that you love someone else and that I stand no chance," Daphne said, not appearing too sad about that. "I'm sure there's someone out there for me who will return my feelings. I'm happy that you found someone, because all I want is for you to be happy."

I was the exact opposite of happy with Brian at that moment, but I wasn't going to drop any bombs on her in such a public place.

"Thanks, Daph. I'm busy this evening, but I'll come over tomorrow to bring you your present."

I had gotten Daphne a gift card to the music store in the mall with enough money on it to buy two CDs. A gift card was an impersonal present and maybe even a bit lazy, but Daphne's musical taste was so eclectic I knew that she would enjoy picking out her own CDs.

She smiled at me and nodded. "Yeah, we're going to Aunt Tonya's tonight, but I should be home all day tomorrow."

I went to the restroom a little bit later and found my father, still dressed as Santa, coming out of one of the stalls. He was having trouble with his costume, but I didn't offer to help him.

"Santa," I said before walking over to one of the urinals.

"Hey, son," he replied. "How's school going?"

There were few moments in life more awkward than talking to another man while you were trying to take a piss, especially when the other man was your estranged father who was dressed up as fucking Santa Claus.

"Fine."

He went over to a sink to wash his hands. "Did you make straight A's again this semester?"

"I don't know. We haven't been mailed our report cards yet."

"Well, be sure to send a copy of it to Dartmouth after you receive it."

I finished my business and flushed the urinal. "Thanks for the reminder, but I applied to other colleges too, if you recall."

"It's a given that you'll get accepted to Dartmouth, Justin," Dad said in a stern voice. "You'll probably even get early acceptance. I was in Sigma Phi Epsilon with the current dean back when he and I went to Dartmouth, you know."

Yeah, I knew. He had only told me that about a dozen times over the past two years since we had started making my college plans. He kept repeating it as if that was the only way I would be accepted to Dartmouth, because he was fraternity brothers with the current dean, not because of my nearly perfect grades and high SAT score.

I wasn't going to argue with him, although all I wanted to do at that moment was punch him right in his curly white-bearded face. I quickly washed my hands and left the room without saying another word.

Mom let me borrow the car that evening to go to Debbie's house, and I arrived a little after five o'clock. I looked around for the Jeep as I searched for a parking spot but didn't see it parked anywhere nearby.

I knocked on Debbie's front door, and Michael answered it a few seconds later.

"Ugh, it's you," he said.

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Michael," I said in a fake cheery voice as I walked in.

I scanned the room and saw that Vic, Emmett, and Lindsay were prepping food in the kitchen. Melanie was sitting in a chair holding her baby daughter, who I had not seen before that day. Ted and Ben were sitting on the couch watching Scrooged on the TV.

"Don't you have your own family to be with today?" Michael asked me as Debbie came over to take my coat.

"He does, but Sunshine is a part of this family, too," Debbie informed her son before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Jesus, you and Brian with that fucking nickname..." Michael mumbled as he went to sit on the couch next to Ben.

"I gave him that nickname," Debbie said.

"When have you heard Brian call me ‘Sunshine'?" I asked at the same time she spoke.

"He calls you ‘Sunshine' every time he talks about you," Emmett said as he walked over to hug me.

"He does?" I asked, my face nearly cracking from smiling so wide.

"Well, he usually calls you ‘Justin,' but sometimes ‘Sunshine' will slip out," Emmett clarified. "He can't get enough of that beautiful Sunshine Smile of yours."

Michael barked out a laugh. "Well, apparently he could or else he wouldn't have left."

I suddenly got lightheaded. "Wh... what?"

Emmett bit his bottom lip. "He left, sweetie."

"What do you mean ‘he left?'" I asked, not wanting to believe it.

"He means that Brian packed up his shit and went to Manhattan," Michael snarled at me.

I looked around the room, finding that everyone was looking at me in pity. I was definitely the last to hear this news.

"He's driving a moving van to Manhattan as we speak," Emmett said, putting his arm around me. "We all helped him pack up his loft over the past couple of days. He found a nice-looking loft for rent online in TriBeCa, and he's hoping the owner will let him buy it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him.

"He told us not to and threatened to kick our ass if any of us did. I'm so sorry."

"But..." I sputtered, tears rolling down my cheeks. "But it's Christmas Eve!"

"He came over here this morning to say goodbye and I begged him to stay until Tuesday," Debbie said. "He knows some guys in the city who are going to help him move into his new place tomorrow."

"On Christmas Day?" I asked, surprised at how shrill my voice sounded.

Debbie shrugged. "Apparently some people don't care that it's a holiday."

"It's all your fucking fault!" Michael screamed at me, causing Jenny Rebecca to start crying.

"Thanks a lot," Melanie grumbled at him, standing up from her chair to take the baby upstairs away from the noise.

"Sorry, Mel," Michael called out to her before turning back to me. "Brian said that he was leaving because of the job at HarperCollins, but he wouldn't have even looked for another job in the first place if it hadn't been for you."

"Really, it's for the best, Justin," Ben said. "It was only a matter of time before the school found out about the two of you. He probably would have lost his teaching license and then would have had no choice but to find another job. There would have been a media firestorm, mostly due to the fact that you're two men. Both of your reputations would have been ruined. At least he has the choice of coming back and teaching again, if he wants."

"He's not coming back, as long as this little shit is still here," Michael said, pointing a finger at me. "You know, everything was fine before you barged your way into his life. I never thought him messing around with you was a good idea, but I hoped that after he fucked you, he would throw you away like a condom in the trash afterwards. But no, you had to make him fall in love with you and your ‘tight, juicy ass,' as he refers to it."

My hands involuntarily grasped my chest, as if my pounding heart was about to explode out of it. "Did he tell you that he loved me?"

Michael curled his lip in disgust. "No, but there's no other explanation for his insanity."

"Like I've been telling you for weeks, sweetie, it's obvious that he's head over heels," Emmett said. "He's just too scared to admit it, because heaven forbid he admit that he has a heart like the rest of us fools."

"I had a chat with him at Woody's last night and asked him if he loved you," Debbie said. "While he didn't say ‘yes,' he didn't deny it. I told him he needed to tell you before he took off, but he obviously didn't. His family never taught him how to love, and no matter how much we've tried to over the years, he wouldn't let us. But with your persistence and sweetness, you taught him what love is."

"The student taught the teacher," Emmett said with a smile.

I wasn't exactly surprised to hear any of this, but having it confirmed by Brian's closest friends made my heart sicker than it already was. Looking back, Brian showed me that he loved me when he took me to Manhattan with him for my birthday. Hell, he showed me even before then, like the day he and I made out in the Jeep to Journey's greatest hits after he was supposed to have broken up with me after his suspension following the Hobbs fight had been lifted. Or before that, when Brian chose to have me accompany him to the bowling alley when he wanted to play a game to honor his father. He wouldn't have done that if I was nothing more than a toy for him to play with.

The only thing I could think to do at that moment was walk into the kitchen, grab the phone, and call Brian's cell. It rang four times before he picked up.

"Yeah?" he said. I could hear "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd playing in the background.

"Brian?" I replied, not knowing what to say to him.

He paused for a few seconds. "Justin?"

Just hearing him say my name made me smile.

"Yeah, it's me."

I heard a click, and the phone went silent.

"Brian?" I said, my voice shaking. "Brian?"

Everyone was looking at me.

"He hung up," I sadly informed them.

Debbie and Vic insisted I stay for dinner, which looked and smelled delicious, but I soon left. I was way too upset to sit through a meal and watch while the others opened presents. It was supposed to be a joyous gathering, and any joy I had was gone.

The following week was the most miserable of my life. I spent most of Christmas Day hiding in my room, minus the time spent opening presents with Mom and Molly and later taking Daphne her gift card. She gave me a blue and gray scarf she had knitted for me, a craft her late grandmother had taught her as a child. I didn't want to bum anyone out on the holiday, so I put on an Oscar-worthy performance as someone who did not just have his heart ripped out of his chest and dragged behind a moving van all the way to Manhattan.

When Mom asked me the day after Christmas why I looked so miserable, I told her that Emmett had broken up with me. She tried to be sympathetic, but she did a poor job at hiding her happiness that the flamboyant queen she never approved of and I were history.

I worked a couple of shifts at the diner that week, which was a nice distraction but only temporary. Otherwise, I watched a ton of movies and TV, read a few books, and cried a lot. Daphne and her family took their yearly skiing trip to Vermont, so I was on my own. We talked on the phone a couple of times, and I pretended that everything was fine so as not to ruin her vacation.

I tried to call Brian a few days after he left but was told by an automated message that the wireless number I was trying to reach had been disconnected. My only assumption was that he had changed his number so that I couldn't call him anymore. I called Emmett to see if he had Brian's new number, and he said he did but that he was not allowed to share it with me by threat of disembowelment by Brian.

Daphne's family returned from Vermont on the afternoon of New Year's Eve. It was a tradition that I would come over to her house and watch Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve on TV.

We were snuggled up in her bed as we watched the New Year's festivities in Times Square just before midnight. I couldn't help but remember how Brian and I had walked around Times Square just a couple of weeks before. I had never been happier than I was during that weekend.

I didn't realize I was crying until Daphne asked me what was wrong.

"Brian... he's gone," I whimpered before telling her everything.

Happy fucking New Year.