In the end, Emmett determined that the nine-inch dildo was too big for a beginner like me and talked me into choosing a flesh-colored one that was only six inches long with a smaller girth. Considering that I would be sticking the thing up my virgin ass, I agreed that the smaller one was the better choice.

While Emmett perused over a large display of lubricants, I went over to a shelf filled with paperback books, which all appeared to be novels. I quickly skimmed the last names on the spines and nearly squealed for joy when I found Ace Morgan printed on one of them - Brian's penname.

I pulled the book from the shelf and saw that it was his second publication, Step Out of the Ordinary, where the main character becomes a hustler to put himself through college. The picture on the cover showed the back of a thin brunette walking down a darkened street, a backpack slung over one shoulder. Blurred figures stood at the curb at the end of the block.

I walked over to Emmett and showed him the book, which was used but still in good condition.

"Look what I found."

Emmett smiled. "I could loan you my copy, if you'd like."

"How about I buy this one for myself and after I read it, I'll borrow the other three from you? I'm a very fast reader."

"Sure," he said before showing me a bottle lube. "This is a good one to use with toys."

We soon made our way to the counter where a guy with numerous facial and ear piercings stood behind the register.

"Well, who have we got here, Honeycutt?" the man asked as he flashed me a creepy smile.

"Don't call me 'Honeycutt,'" Emmett snarled. "This is Justin. Justin this Phil, but everyone calls him ‘Rat.'"

He sure looked like a rat, with his beady eyes and huge front teeth.

Rat rang up my purchases but Emmett stopped me when I tried to pull out my wallet.

"No, baby, let me. Consider it a ‘Welcome to Queerdom' gift."

I chuckled. "Thanks."

We then went next door to a clothing store called Torso which Emmett said was where he worked. The sales clerk - who was even more flamboyant than Emmett, if that was even possible - gave him a hard time about being given the weekend off.

"You're fucking Billy, aren't you?" the clerk asked Emmett.

"When the mood strikes," Emmett answered before taking me over to a rack of shirts.

"Who's Billy?" I whispered.

"The owner of the store, who I would never fuck. Jesse over there knows that. It's just a little game we play when one of us gets better hours than the other."

I couldn't help but crack up laughing. "My friend Daphne and I do the same thing with our teachers when one of us gets an A."

Using his 25% off discount, Emmett bought me an icy blue, short-sleeved button-up shirt that shimmered in the light and a pair of black rayon pants. He instructed me to wear the outfit that night guaranteeing that no one, including Brian, would be able to keep their eyes off of me.

Although Emmett said that he only lived a few blocks away, I offered to give him a ride home. He, in exchange, gave me some tips on how to use the dildo which turned out to be much more complex than just lubing the thing up and sticking it in to the hilt. He also explained how to properly clean it and how I could use it to practice my fellatio skills, if I wished.

He gave me a quick kiss goodbye before sashaying into his apartment building.  

I pulled into our driveway about fifteen minutes later. Before going into the house, I put the smaller sex shop bag into the larger clothing bag.

"Hi, honey," Mom said from the living room when I walked through the door. "You've been gone for hours. Your rehearsal ran pretty late, huh?"

"Um..." I said as I looked down at the black shopping bag in my hand, which had Torsoprinted on it in hot pink. I safely guessed that Mom had never heard of the store before and wouldn't know what street it was on. "No, I stopped for lunch and went shopping."

Mom began walking towards me. "Ooh, what'd you get?" she asked, ever the shopping fanatic.

"A shirt and some pants," I said as I started walking up the stairs. "I'd show them to you, but I have some homework to do."

I shut and locked my bedroom door in case she decided to follow after me. I took the sex shop bag out and spread the contents on my bed. Along with the dildo, lube, and Brian's book, Emmett also bought me a black velvet bag to store the dildo in and a tube of pain relief ointment in case I had some soreness or inflammation after using it.

I shoved everything but the book in between my mattress and box springs before sitting down to read the book's jacket. Inside the back flap, which often contained a picture of the author and some biographical information, it only contained a short biography:

Ace Morgan has written for numerous publications, including The Advocate, The Gay & Lesbian Review Worldwide, and Pittsburgh Out. Mr. Morgan's first novel, Fork in the Road, won a Lambda Literary Award. He is currently at work on his next novel and lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Much like the man behind the pseudonym, this "Mr. Morgan" seemed like quite an enigma.

I wanted to dive right into the first chapter, but I wasn't lying when I told Mom I had homework. I put the book under the mattress and sat down at my computer desk to work on an assignment for Brian's creative writing class, which was due the upcoming Wednesday.

For this assignment, we were to write a letter to our freshman selves. The letter must have included a paragraph about something fun that had happened to us within the last three years. The next paragraph had to include a story about something stressful or difficult that had happened over the past three years that we did not handle very well along with some advice to our younger selves for how better we could have dealt with it. Lastly, the letter was to include a goal that we did not accomplish within the last three years with a promise that we would do whatever it took to accomplish that goal in the near future, preferably before graduation.

The "fun story" part was easy. During Winter Break the previous year, I went with Daphne's family to Manhattan. We went ice skating at Rockefeller Center, saw theRadio City Christmas Spectacular show, and watched "the ball" drop on New Year's Eve in Times Square. We also ate way too much and walked so much that we had blisters on our feet. It was not my first trip to Manhattan nor the first time her parents had invited me to go on vacation with them, but it was the most memorable vacation I had ever taken. The best part was getting to experience it with my best friend.

The "stressful or difficult story" part was tougher to narrow down. I was currently going through the most stressful period of my life, which was in part due to my parents' divorce. I wasn't exactly shocked the previous month when they told me and Molly that they were separating, since I had noticed for a few years prior that they hadn't seem very happy together anymore along with hearing them fighting for several days after Mom found out about Dad's indiscretions. Still, it was a big disruption to our lives.

The trouble was that I saw no problem in how I was handling the situation. Prior to them splitting up I had always been very close to my dad. Although I feared the day that he found out I was gay, since he never seemed to be very tolerant towards gay people, he seemed to be clueless. He had even given me the "safe sex" lecture when I was fifteen, stressing to me the importance of using a condom specifically to prevent pregnancy. I promised that although I planned to hold onto my virginity for the foreseeable future, I would always be careful and he never brought it up again, thankfully.

Now that I knew my dad was a cheating bastard, I didn't want to have jack shit to do with him and I told him so when the last of his boxes were loaded onto the moving van. He said that he understood and would let me come to him once I had "cooled off." I didn't see that happening any time soon.

The other source of stress I was experiencing at that time was the thing with Brian... whatever the "thing" between us happened to be. I had so many conflicting emotions towards him it wasn't even funny. He scared me, angered me, intrigued me, and turned me on to the point that I was almost constantly walking around with at least half a boner.

I had learned so much about him over the past week and most of it was pretty disturbing. He was gay, which was great for me but potentially devastating for his career at St. James Academy, a notoriously conservative private school and, as a result, forced him to live a double life. He came from a seemingly loveless home where he was raised by two alcoholics with an absolute cunt of a sister. He didn't seem to be coping with the recent death of his father; more like ignoring it all together, really.

To top it all off, Brian was obviously in denial of his copious drinking and drug usage. From the online research I had recently performed, it seemed like he was a "high-functioning alcoholic" and I feared that it was only a matter of time before it all caught up with him.

Oh, and there was also the fact that Brian was most likely a sex addict who exposed himself to who knows how many diseases on a nightly basis. Paired with his drug and alcohol problem, he was setting himself up to potentially be physically taken advantage of by an overzealous man who didn't respect the word "no," if he hadn't already.

I knew that I could have probably been handling my "Brian problem" better, but I wasn't quite sure how. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to the cemetery on the day of his father's funeral but it seemed like he needed someone there for him at his mother's house that afternoon, specifically when Claire flipped out on him. And maybe I should have refused the ride home from him on the day we confessed our attraction to each other, since things quickly turned physical in the Jeep.

And yes, maybe I shouldn't have gone to Liberty Avenue the previous night. Sure, we both seemed to enjoy our little game of pool at Woody's but I really shouldn't have gone to Babylon after Brian told me to never come back, especially after I learned he owned the joint. If I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have ended up in Brian's office with him, where we were just a few breaths away from fucking if he hadn't put a stop to it. That led to me defying him again by following him into the backroom but the subsequent events were quite enjoyable, at least.

I knew how much trouble Brian could get into if someone from the school were to catch us in a compromising situation and it got back to the higher-ups. He would definitely be fired and maybe even face criminal charges. Although I was over the age of consent and nearly eighteen, Brian still held a position of power over me and he could have been accused of taking advantage of his position as my teacher. Plus, everyone would then know that we were both gay, including my family and Brian's colleagues and family. The story would no doubt make its way to the press and both of our names would be dragged through the mud. Both of our futures would suffer.

The question I needed to ask myself was: Did I regret one second that I had spent with Brian outside of school over the past week?

The answer was simple: Hell no, I didn't!

Next question: Was I going to stay away from Brian, biding my time until after I graduated and we were able to spend a night together without fear of repercussions, which included staying away from Liberty Avenue?

Again, simple: Hell no, I wasn't! Not as long as Brian still wanted me to come around, that is.

I was too distracted with my thoughts of Brian to continue working on my assignment by that point, so I retrieved his book from under my mattress, stretched out on my bed, and started reading. I only stopped for a few minutes to go downstairs and get a plate of the chicken tetrazzini that Mom had made for dinner to bring back upstairs with me.

The story started out with the main character, Jake Hammond, living at home with his parents and younger brother as he attended his sophomore year of college majoring in architecture. Jake had known since he was a child that he was gay but never acted on his desires to be with men. In fact, Jake was known as quite the ladies man within his social circle and had slept with several young women in his time. No matter how many conquests he had made however, Jake dreamed about the day he would meet the man of his dreams and finally come out to his friends and family.

After a bad break-up with a girlfriend, Jake called what he thought was a gay escort service that unfortunately turned out to be a sting operation, resulting in Jake being arrested for solicting sex. Having no prior criminal record, Jake was given community service in exchange for no jail time or felony charge. Embarrassed and disgusted, Jake's parents promptly kicked him out of the house and cut him off financially. He then felt like he had no choice but to turn to prostitution to support himself. Jake's first sexual experience with a man occurred with a John.

I was about halfway through the book when I put it back under my mattress and began getting ready for Babylon. I put on the outfit Emmett had bought me, rubbed a little bit of gel into my hair, and sprayed on some Tommy cologne.

I looked at myself in the long mirror on the back of my bedroom door and smiled at my reflection.

"I'd fuck me," I said out loud.

I walked downstairs at five minutes to eight and took my coat from the closet next to the front door.

"Going to stay at Daphne's!" I yelled over my shoulder.

"Wait a minute!" I heard Mom yell back from the direction of the dining room. She walked into the foyer and looked at me from head to toe.

"Where are you going in that get-up?" she asked in amusement.

I shrugged. "We're going to meet some friends at the mall."

She eyed me wearily for a few moments. "Alright... have fun."

I put my coat on and opened the front door.

"Don't I get a kiss goodbye?" Mom asked as if I were a five year old leaving for his first day of kindergarten.

I held back a sigh as I leaned in and kissed her cheek.