Justin left his son’s door, he wouldn’t be able to get him to talk yet. It felt like he was three all over again. When Matthew and Anna were placed with them they were told it was a short placement.

They had a very hard home life before coming to them. They had been found alone, eating rotten food from the fridge. A neighbor had heard them crying and finally called the police when no one answered the door.

The placement was only supposed to be until the grandmother could get them. But when social services ran a background check, they found out she had a registered sex offender living with her. The mother was in the wind after abandoning her two children in a locked, filthy apartment. After they had them for five months she turned back up, giving up her parental rights to them. When Brian and Justin had been asked if they wanted to adopt them they were hesitant. They loved them but Matthew had such a hard time adjusting. They thought he may do better with a female parent. It wasn’t until their forth birthday he knew for sure.

It was the day he asked Justin if he could call him dad too. They called the social worker ten minutes later.

Needing to breath, he went up to his studio. It was located on the third floor. He kept it locked because it was the only place he could have complete privacy. After he pushed his chair by the window, then grabbed his sketchbook. He started sketching Anna as she looked the last time he saw her. Her shoulder length auburn hair pulled back into a tight bun. Face free of makeup, her uniform crisp and fitted her perfectly.

She had been a surprise to them both, not really knowing how to raise a girl. But she made it so very easy with her quick smile and outgoing personality. Her green eyes sparkled with joy every day. The world would be a harsher place if she wasn’t in it.

The kids were just too loud for him. Well, the ones downstairs anyway. Avery, Maurice and Kenyon were in their rooms. Thankfully, he had enough restrooms for the sick ones. Justin had hidden himself in his studio.

Devon, Caleb, Gus, Reece and Sean were searching on their phones for word about Anna. Hoping for someone to say where the casualties were from. Anna is a communications specialist, hopefully she was deep in the ship. The casualties had to be from the surface. It’s the fucking Navy, those ships were made to take hits.

The doorbell rang, grabbing his attention. It better not be someone he didn’t want to see. As his hand rested on the door handle a thought came to him. If Anna had died, they would have sent a Navy Chaplain to tell them. When he opened the door, a microphone was shoved in his face.

“Was you daughter on board of The Stockland when it was attacked? Have you heard from her?”

Brian saw at least three television crews in his roundabout. “I’ll give you thirty seconds to get off my property, if you’re still here after, I’m calling the police.” He slammed the door in their faces.

“Who was that?” Sean asked.

“Fucking reporters. I don’t want you or Caleb going out there without someone with you.”

“I’m fourteen,” Sean whined.

“Then don’t whine like a toddler.”

“Pop?”

Brian tensed up. He really didn’t want to deal with Reece right now. “Not now.”

“I was just letting you know I’m going out for a bit. Call me if you hear anything about Anna.”

“Where do you think, you’re going? We stay together until we hear from the Navy.”

Reece’s eyes darted around, he had the same tells as his father. “I’m just meeting a friend for an hour, I’ll be back soon.”

“Since when does Alex need to meet you somewhere not here?”

“It’s not Alex, it’s another friend.”

Reece didn’t have other friends besides Alex, he was an introvert. That made Brian very suspicious about where he was going. His relationship with Reece was strained to say the least. It was all his fault he knew that. He had become something he never wanted to be…Jack Kinney.

“I said no.”

Walking past Reece, he decided to spend some quiet time in his office. It was just too loud to even think in the main part of the house.

“Why do you hate me?” The voice was soft, he almost didn’t hear it.

“What? Hate you? I don’t hate you. Why would you even think that?”

“Nothing, never mind.” Reece shook his head before running past him.

What the fuck just happened?

Reece went out through the garage. He had grabbed Gus’ keys earlier when Ethan called. Waiting was done, he would have sex with Ethan. He was an adult now, he could do what he wanted. It was clear he would never be even a blip on his father’s radar, he wasn’t like the others. Ethan always told him how smart and talented he was. He couldn’t draw or paint like his dad, but he was a pretty good sculptor.

When the reporters saw him they started heading towards him. “Fuck it,” he growled before driving over the lawn, he didn’t care anymore.

It was nearing four in the evening, and they still hadn’t gotten through to anyone. All he wanted to do was talk to his little girl again. Every milestone in her life assaulted him. Her first day of school. First lost tooth. First bike ride. So many firsts, but she wasn’t done yet. She still had first true love. First wild and crazy weekend in Vegas. First child. Everything was still ahead of her.

“What are you two doing?” he asked Caleb and Sean, they were peeking out on of the front windows.

“Watching the reporters, they’ll get information before us, right? So, we thought we would watch their movements.”

“Sounds smart.” He wouldn’t discourage how any of his children dealt with their emotions. “Where’s your father?”

“He stalked to his office about ten minutes ago,” Caleb said, not taking his eyes off the reporters.

Justin sighed. If he was lucky Brian wouldn’t be a half a bottle into not giving a damn. “I’m going to talk to him. Come get me if someone comes to the door. I don’t want anyone of you to answer it.”

“Sure thing,” Sean chirped.

“Brian, can I come in?”

Getting up he stumbled slightly to the door, he couldn’t throw them back like he once had. “When have I ever denied you the right to come, Sunshine?”

“Stop trying to joke. You’re falling apart. I can see it; the kids can see it. Just talk to me,” Justin said, shutting the door behind him.

“Now that you’re not hiding up in your studio, you mean?”

Justin sat down on the leather sofa, waiting for him to sit beside him. After a few moments and glares, Brian did just that. Mostly because he just wanted to feel so not alone in this.

“Reece asked me why I hated him,” he said. Justin was eerily silent after that. “Justin? Do you think I hate him?”

He couldn’t believe he had to ask that question, he loved all his children.

“No, I know you love him. But you are hard on him. Even when I point it out you just brush me off. It hurts him, all he wants is you to be proud of him.”

“I am.”

“Then what is this about?”

“You really don’t want to know.”

“I’ve wanted to know for six years why one day he’s your little shadow, and the next you’re pushing him away.”

“I didn’t tell you what happened that when I took him to New York when he was fourteen.”

He couldn’t look at Justin when he told him the truth of that day. Everything from that day was vivid in his memory. Walking into his hotel room, seeing a body leaning over his little boy. It wasn’t until he pulled the man off when he realized it was Ethan Gold. All he saw after that was red.

“No, but I’m willing to listen now.” Justin started to rub his back.

“Once I finished with my meeting I headed back to the hotel. I was planning on taking him to Central Park because he didn’t stop talking about it on the plane. When I walked through the door there was a man kissing him. I rip him away, and kicked him out.” He wouldn’t tell Justin who the man was.

“A man? Reece?”

“Yes.”

“So, he’s gay or bi? Wait a minute…a man? A grown man?”

Brian nodded. “Yes, he looks so much like you, even then. In that one minute I saw every bad thing that happened to you, happen to him. I saw him take a bat to the head at prom. I saw him struggle to walk and talk again. Saw him put his heart out there only to have a complete asshole break it repeatedly. I saw him in a club when it was bombed. I couldn’t take it.”

The back rub had stopped sometime during his story.

“You never treated Matthew the way you treat Reece.”

“Matthew never tried to be like me. I was the reason our fourteen-year-old brought a grown man to a hotel room. Anything could have happened to him. What if I would have gone out for a drink after the meeting? He’s heard about my past, heard about my coach in the shower. I’ve never cared who knew about it until I heard him say that I was being a hypocrite about the situation. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do. So, I did the only think I could think of…I became Jack Kinney.”

“Information overload. Okay, first things first. I never told him about the shower, I don’t know who did but when I find out I will strangle them. Let me get this straight, our son makes a mistake, a big one. Tries to do the same thing you did at that age, but somehow it was unforgivable. I would never compare my hard-around-the-edges husband to his abusive father. But there are more forms of abuse than physical. I’ve kept my mouth shut for a long time only because I never actually saw any form of abuse, but that’s when I thought you didn’t notice what you were doing to him. Now I find out it was a meticulous, planned out breaking down of him. For what? To de-gay him? What’s next, conversion camp?”

“Stop, it wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?”

“I couldn’t fucking watch him die, okay? There are Chris Hobbs everywhere in this world. Don’t go on about Matt, he’s built like a tank, people would have to be suicidal to think about taking him on. Reece has always been small, hell he’s smaller than you at that age. I refuse to bury him.”

“Do you hear yourself? You got it so into your head that he needs to be protected from life that you pushed him out of yours. Well, I’ve got news for you Mr. Kinney, just because he isn’t living his life out in the open because he’s scared of you hating him, doesn’t mean he isn’t living it in secret. In fact, if he is so much like me as you think, it’s already too late to ‘make’ him a good little straight boy. I never took Brian Kinney as someone who would force someone into a closet, let alone his own son.”

“Pop! Dad? There are people at the door, they’re wearing uniforms,” Sean yelled from outside the door.

Brian felt Justin grab his arm, hard. This was it. The moment they had been dreading.