JUSTIN

I woke up ready to face another day. I left Brian buried under cats and went to my normal wear closet. It's like black and white, in a weird way I could almost see the parallel of my two sides. I mean it's all boring compared to my closet of fun. I just knew I had to not look at all the fabulousness of my slippers if I was going to make it. So, putting on the itch inducing clothes I hurried down to the kitchen and swallowed a bowl of Frosted Flakes, cause they’re GRRRREAT. Then prepared the boring coffee and toast and sat down with the paper, and I got why MM might not like actually read this depressing thing, but I at least managed to look like I was.

I looked up as Brian came in the kitchen wearing sweatpants and a muscle shirt. It took a few moments for my mind to get back before I was able to like not say things, well like, like.

“Darling, are you coming to work late?” I ask, trying not to giggle at using sticky sweet names.

“Sure, I’ll see you there.” He tells me, pulling out my Frosted Flakes and eating them. (And I mean like swallowing them without checking the calories.)

I decided he wasn’t tripping me up today, so I like skipped my ass on to Kinnetik. I got there and Jasper was running towards the bathroom, I like silently scored the win on my tally sheet in my head. It wasn’t until noon when Ted showed up at my desk.

“Justin, did Brian say anything about not showing up today?” Ted asks.

“When I left he was like eating Frosted Flakes and saying he would like, be here.” I tell him taking the point off my tally for saying like again.

“Did you say he ate Frosted Flakes?” Ted asks me.

“Yeah, and you know he didn’t even like look at the nutritional values.” I tell him.

Ted and I seem to get that maybe something's not right in the land of Kinney. I texted Daphne, because if Brian can GPS my ass then my ass can GPS him.

“How are you my GBF?” She texted.

“Because I lost at LIKE arm wrestling?” I responded.

“You do realize technology is the future?” She sends.

“Well my future is MIA, could you maybe help HBF?” I send.

“He's fine, but I don't know if Mel will still be a LBF after.”

“WHAT!!!!!!!!!”  

“She's hoping for a girl”

“GPS NOW!”

“I need like, Satan or maybe a minion or two, because Brian has lost his mind. I mean like, girls are all wet and messy and you have to like pretend that it’s just way too much lube.” I tell Ted.

“Justin what are you talking about?” He asks.

“Mel is attempting to get like Beauty Sperm, which will kill all my chances of like ever getting laid again. Do you know how long it took me to like get hard again after helping out a friend? Well I kind of like ran out and screwed the first available idiot I could find, but it just led to like, stalking, and really, I wasn’t even trying to be that good in bed, just erase that I like deflowered my bestie.” I tell him.

“Justin, what does this have to do with Brian not coming to work?” Ted seems to think this is time to be reasonable.

“I told you like two times, he’s… fucking with me. Well I think it’s time to see how he likes this.” I tell Ted who seems to think I’ve lost my mind.

“Darling, when you're finished could you pick up some juice.” I text Brian.

“It might take a while cause like, Lindsay and Mel decided two was better than one.” He sends back.

“I’ll let Satan know you're finally giving her what she’s been dreaming of.” I sent, giggling.

“Yo Satan, Brian has turned to the darkside. Get your cult and let them witness like, the miracle of your spawn getting it up for a girl.” I tell her when she answers. “I think the loft… okay, sorry I wasn’t enough to keep him gay.” I hang up, laughing.

I get up and run to the house and grab my kitten slippers and fall back on the bed. Then remember that MM and I need to have a talk, so I run to my closet and grab my tightest jeans and red half shirt. I figure Brian is going to be busy with the cult and I can cut loose. Putting my boring clothes in a bag, I pet our babies and throw food in the bowls.

Then I realized my mistake and run to change back into boring and run back to my desk. He almost managed to get me.

BRIAN

I was sitting in the loft waiting with Mel and Lindsay, they seem to be having a great time with this. I re-read the Satan text. He wouldn’t. The fucking twat would, because there she was with five of the cult buzzing my door. I swear he’s just devious.

“Ted where is he?” I ask.

“The better question is, why are you not at work?” He asks me.

“I’m trying to outsmart him.” I tell Ted.

“Do you really worry about that, I mean we are talking about Justin. You know the conversations that seem to start out with one thing then wander off into what-the-fuck-land.” He tells me.

“Ted, think about what Justin does, does that seem like someone who doesn’t plan the bullshit he does?” I tell him.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” He asks.

“He’s probably the most fun I’ve ever had.” I tell him.

“He left, but showed back up and is at his desk. You need to plan better, because you're right, his plans actually had you running.” He tells me.

I sat there thinking and praying that the girls weren’t doing what they probably are in my shower. Ted’s right, Justin is probably wondering if I have any real imagination. It’s just, normally I smirk and assholes line up to make me happy. I open a window and look at my mother who is standing with her cult, then walk to the kitchen and grab a pail, looking through the many shitty colognes that Michael purchased for me during his Big Q days. I pick the two I really thought were bad ideas and pour them in. Walking to the window I whistle and pour it all over them, good luck getting a bus to pick their asses up. Now, what to do, just not going to make coffee. People are already pissy when they walk in, and me saying “Fucking order already” wouldn’t really work.

I decide maybe it’s time to really bring out the kid in him. I mean slip and slide is one thing but I wonder how his responsible self is going to feel about this one.

“HAD TO ABORT MISSION BABY. SEE YOU!”

“Girls lock up, I’m taking Gus with me.” I yell, and cringe as I hear them moaning.

I picked up Sonny boy and drove off, waiting to see if we could play ‘Justin chasing Brian’.