JUSTIN

So I guess you could say I've been acting a bit strange. It's just for like a second I was all thinking about having kids. I mean we have like Gus and the cats, but like, no kids of our own. When the girls were like offering, there was just no way I could see that working. I would like, want to live with my kid, but I kinda sensed Brian really didn’t want any more. So I tried to like, deal with it by ignoring it, which just led to me paying for a cruise, a tractor, and part of a wheat field. Which is when Brian sat me down and like ASKED, you know, “What the hell?” So I explained the whole thing. It only took half an hour.  

Somehow I ended up at the girl’s house watching JR. Which really backfired, since she like seemed to like me. Which set MM off, since JR only seemed to want me. Every time I tried to hand over the baby with the unfortunate name, she screamed. Which Gus seemed to think was funny, me, not so much. Especially when every time JR was having a bad day, I somehow got stuck holding her. Mel seemed to think dumping a screaming baby in my arms was the answer.

I am no longer thinking that having kids is a great idea. I mean, my cats don't expect this much dedication. Just food, pet, and catnip, they even bury presents, not unload in a diaper, where you really have to see it. Brian finally barred them from bringing her over, just to avoid dealing with the crying. I have to say I might have hooted and danced all over the house when he took Gus, but left them outside.

Now I just have to deal with my dad showing up. He decided that if I had to be all gay, at least I picked someone with a real job. Somehow he saw that as a compliment, well until he like actually met Brian. He learned real fast that pansy and gay weren’t a given. I think my mom like brought Emmett in drag on purpose, since I've never seen Emmett in a dress.

I was like, on my best behavior, which just meant I was thinking. My father seemed to take it that I was being a good little wife/husband.

“At least Justin isn’t wearing the ridiculous clothing and house slippers anymore.” He tells Brian.

“Baby, it’s so sweet of you not to wear penises but to bring a giant one.” Emmett tells me, smiling at my dad.

“So I hear great things about your company, and how do you know Drew Boyd?” Dad asks Brian, ignoring Emmett. Which really, does dad not hear the growling?

“Drew you want to explain that to Craigy here?” Brian asks, and you know, most people don’t realize that when Brian isn’t all pissy, that’s when you hide.

“Why not, I met Brian when he wanted to use me in a campaign for Brown athletics. Of course I ended up meeting my fiance, so we all became friends.” Drew tells him.

“I remember hearing something about a broken engagement, but I really don’t keep up with that.” My Dad will most likely wish he did.

“I ended up meeting the person that I knew would be the one for me.” Drew tells him.

“Why didn’t you bring her with you?” Dad asks, and mom bursting out laughing should have been his first clue, but then, my Dad is still trying to figure out how Brian could be gay.

“Oh did we forget to mention that I’m the one Drew is with?” Emmett tells him, tittering.

“You're a fa… I mean together?” My dad asks, starting to get uncomfortable.

“I think everyone at the table, but like, Mom, is together.” I tell him.

“I’m just surprised that… I mean… so Jen how’s Molly?” Dad asks trying to get out of his foot in mouth.

“Me too, but Drewsie just like decided that my ass was the ass he wanted for life.” Emmett tells him.

Poor Dad just kept looking at my mom, who stopped rescuing my dad from his own stupidity. Emmett started digging through his rainbow bag and started piling things on the table.

“Honey, do you like this color or should I go for like, a darker red.” Emmett puckers his lips at Drew.

“Well, I kind of need to get going.” My dad tells us, as he eyes the lube on the table.

“I was hoping you’d come see Brian’s club, you know he’s really included Justin in all his business concerns. You always wanted Justin to be in business, so I thought we could go by and see it.” My mother tells him. I swear she and Brian like, winked at each other.

So we all get up to head over there and wouldn’t you know Satan is standing out front. I walk over and grab her in a hug. I think I surprised her, because it took like a minute for her to realize she was hugging the sinner. Then she pulled back and gave me the sour, ‘what do you want now’ look.

“Why are they protesting?” Dad asks, and I had to wonder if he hasn’t seen like, all the gay around him.

“The cult and Satan, are like, protesting for God.” I tell him.

“They’re Satan worshipers?” Dad asks, appalled.

“I worship the Lord, and my group thinks that what happens in this club is a sin. I’m trying to save all the souls.” Satan tells my dad.

“What kind of club is this?” Dad asks, when he see the PJ’s prancing around giving the cult some Kool Aid.

“It’s only like the Gay Mecca of Pittsburgh.” Marco tells my dad, kissing his cheek.

“Yeah, Dad, why not see one of the businesses that Justin runs.” Brian tells him.

“Brian, you need to repent.” Satan yells.

“I tried Mom, but with my luck I’d have ended up marrying someone like you.” Brian tells her.

“She’s his mother?” My dad asks.

“Yeah, and like when I met her she was like knocking back sherry the way you knock back vodka. Now she’s like popular and stuff. Hey, you could  join the cult too, then we would like see each other all the time.” I tell him.

It only took Joan quoting the bible while following my father to get him to return home, for the next few years. Now like all I have to do is call Satan when Dad decides to visit and he changes his mind.

On our third anniversary Brian gave me a present, and really, he waited this long?

But hey, I got BJ and that’s all that counted, and like she really likes the club shirt, so, win.