Brian and Justin sat across from each other in the diner booth. So many memories of similar times at the Liberty Diner flooded Justin’s consciousness. Brian, of course, didn’t carry the weight of those memories, but it did feel comfortable being at this unfamiliar diner with Justin. There was a part of Justin that secretly hoped Brian would suggest going to the Liberty Diner for their sit-down together, but he opted for one near the PIFA instead. Justin realized that Brian wouldn’t recognize how much the diner meant to him during the previous year.
Justin would never forget how Brian had all but ordered him to work at the diner. He had to do it. It was to earn money to pay back the charges made on Brian’s credit card, when he ran away to New York City after the loft was burgled, while he was staying there. He hadn’t thought it through at the time, but did realize afterwards that he ‘borrowed’ the card in hopes that Brian would come looking for it… and him. And that’s exactly what happened. Justin’s time at the diner ended up being more fun than he had expected, and seeing Brian often, because it was a favorite hangout for the gang, was a huge plus.
Justin recalled how it was while he was working at the diner, that Brian first asked him to come over after work. True, it was primarily because he was missing time he normally spent with Michael. The friends had become estranged after Michael’s birthday party fiasco, but it was Justin who Brian chose to spend time with as a substitute. He could have easily asked someone else he knew to take Michael’s place. He also recalled how he had used his job at the diner to try and get Brian and Michael to finally talk to each other. They were in the diner at the same time, giving orders to go. Justin deliberately switched their orders, but the ruse failed miserably. Thankfully it didn’t cause Brian to rescind his invitation to the loft. And what glory he experienced during that loft visit! The sex was mind-blowing, followed by sweet ice-cream kisses. But best of all, Justin felt he got an even clearer picture of the real Brian… the one whose heart was much bigger than he ever let others see. He brazenly let Brian know that he was seeing through the brick wall that surrounded his heart. Brian seemed irritated with him at the time, but it didn’t stop further visits to the loft.
There were so many times that he felt connected to Brian at the diner. There were so many small unexpected gestures. A favorite was the one when Brian laid his head on his shoulder, and then whispered a threat to tie his balls tight if he spilled the beans about taking care of baby Gus, when Brian was supposed to be doing the job. It felt so intimate, the little secret they shared. Of course, no memory of being in the diner with Brian warmed his heart quite like the one that occurred after The King of Babylon contest, which he won easily. In a moment of perversity, because Brian downplayed his win, Justin stole the trick Brian was cultivating from under his nose, with the help of his crown. The next morning, he joined the gang at the diner. They were naturally full of questions as to how his night ended, when he left with the trick. Brian tried to display his usual ‘I don’t really care what happened’ attitude, but the mere fact that he also asked questions revealed a lot. As Justin answered the inquiries with provocative answers, Brian’s face gave away more than he intended. He did care! Justin let the poor man off the hook with his final comment, which included one of Brian’s favorite sayings about ‘seeing him in his dreams’. Brian couldn’t help showing how pleased that made him.
Of course, with everything else that took place between Brian and Justin at the diner, there were moments that didn’t bring a smile. Justin would never forget the way his heart sank when Brian announced he was planning on moving to New York City to join a different ad agency. It had felt like the end of the world at that moment. Luckily the new job never happened. But then again, if he had taken the job he would never have been at the prom, or mercilessly bashed by that bastard, Hobbs. As Justin sat across from Brian now, he could not let himself go there again. He knew that if he had any chance of connecting with Brian for a second time, it would never happen if he kept feeling all the guilt that simmered below the surface of his conscience. Brian told him he wasn’t to blame. He had to hold onto that. It was his saving grace.
************************************
The two men ordered their drinks and a sandwich, while offering a charming smile to their young waitress. Her response was a slight blush to her cheeks as she hurried away to fill their orders. She wasn’t quite sure which one she found more attractive, the tall tanned one or the shorter blond. The truth was, she would have gladly accepted a date with either of them. But the two men had other things on their mind, besides a cute waitress… things like how to break the ice and who would start first. Brian quickly decided to plunge in head first.
“Well, Justin, I think it’s about time we talked to each other, don’t you? I’ve had everyone I know going on and on about you, and how you ended up being important to me… which, by the way, sounds more like them playing a prank on me than the truth. Now I would like to hear the story straight from the proverbial ‘horse’s mouth’, if you don’t mind enlightening me.”
“No, I don’t mind. I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” Justin promised. “I wouldn’t have left town without talking to you, after you came out of your coma, but I thought it was best to leave you alone, once I realized that you had no idea who I was.” Justin took a deep breath, and then continued. “I also have to confess that I felt guilty because of your attack. I have no doubt I was the one who Hobbs wanted to hurt. He only went after you because he couldn’t get to me at that time, and you were right there in his path.”
Justin shuddered at the flash of memory. Brian saw his distress and reacted.
“That’s water under the bridge. We can’t go back and change what happened that night, but I do want to go back in time and learn more about you. I want… no, I need to figure out why and what placed me at that prom. It’s the only way I can ever understand any of it. My friends can tell me stories, but you are the only one who knows everything about ‘us’.”
“So, where do you want me to begin, Brian?”
“Where else? At the beginning seems appropriate. They tell me that I saw you for the first time outside Babylon. If I’m not mistaken, you were only seventeen then, so what brought you to Liberty Avenue instead of home doing your homework?”
Justin began to describe that fateful night that changed his life completely. It changed Brian’s life too, if only he could remember it. Brian watched the young man across from him intently, trying hard to take in all that he was hearing. He had to confess to himself that there was something about Justin, something intriguing. Brian couldn’t put his finger on what it was, but the more he watched Justin, the easier it got to believe that he actually did approach him outside the club, even if Justin wasn’t his usual type of conquest. Just as Brian was beginning to understand why he was attracted to him that night, Justin said something which broke the spell. He began to tell Brian about the aftermath of their initial meeting, and what happened at the loft. The first part of his story, concerning the seduction, sounded totally plausible. He was taken aback to hear how he had told the story about his own first time with a gym teacher to Justin, who was a virtual stranger. But it was the second half of their night together, which happened after discovering that Lindsay was at the hospital giving birth to his son, that Brian found hard to fathom.
Brian already knew what occurred at the hospital, thanks to stories told by Lindsay and Michael. They confirmed that it was Justin who suggested that Gus, rather than Abraham, would be a good name for the newborn, which he then agreed to. Michael had also informed him of why Justin was at the hospital in the first place, and how he couldn’t go home because his parents had no idea that he wasn’t staying with a friend. Those incidents were only confirmed by what Justin was now telling him. What the others could not impart, and only Justin knew about, was what happened once they returned to the loft a second time. Brian wasn’t surprised to learn that he was higher than a kite on Ecstasy by this time. Nor was he surprised by how far his seduction of Justin went, in spite of him knowing Justin was a virgin and only seventeen. What did surprise the hell out of him was what Justin then told him, in an attempt to explain why he wanted to be with Brian again… and again… and again.
“It was really your fault, Brian,” he started. “I realized later on that being with me was just another fuck for you, but you said something in the height of passion during the night, which made me think it was much more than that.”
“And what was that?”
“You said you loved me.”
“Bullshit!” Brian almost shouted.
“Look, don’t get me wrong,” Justin hurried on. “I know you were out of it, and couldn’t remember much of what happened in the morning, but I know what I heard. It wasn’t my imagination.”
Brian started to interrupt him, but was quickly stopped.
“Don’t worry, I know it was the drugs talking… at least I figured that out later on. But at the time it seemed so real, and it made me feel special. I wanted that feeling back again, so that’s why I kept inserting myself into your life, despite all your rejections.”
“Rejections?”
“Oh yes, Brian, you were very direct in your attempts to dissuade me from pursuing you. The one thing you came to learn about me was that I’m very stubborn when I believe in something… or in someone. And I believed in you.” Justin looked Brian straight in the eyes. “I still do!” he added.
Brian felt that odd feeling creeping into his heart again. It was something he couldn’t recall ever feeling around anyone else before now, but it kept happening with Justin. He couldn’t give it a name, because it was foreign to the pre-attack Brian. Yet it wasn’t altogether unpleasant, although it felt a little unnerving. The one thing that Brian was increasingly sure of now, especially after spending this time listening to Justin and observing him, was that this young man was not a typical know-it-all, snot-nosed teenager. He was obviously pretty sure of himself, but not in a cocky way. Brian was beginning to like this kid. He decided then and there that he did want to get to know Justin Taylor better. And maybe, just maybe, getting to know him better, in more ways than one, might possibly resurrect all his lost memories of the previous year. Hearing tales of the events that happened during that time was one thing, but Brian wanted to feel them as being real. Justin might be the key to the whole thing.
“I’ll tell you what, Justin, it’s getting a little late and I have some things I need to get done. But I do want to hear more. Are you up for another visit together? And now that I think about it, maybe it would be a good idea if we meet somewhere that is familiar to both of us… somewhere that is connected to my memories of you. That might help me to recover some of what I’ve forgotten. So, what do you say?”
Justin felt a tingling throughout his body, almost like an electric shock. He hadn’t expected Brian to be so kind to him after learning why he had been attacked. But here he was, not only wanting to get to know more about him, but also wanting to see him in places that mattered to both of them. The thought of it was both exciting and frightening. How could he deal with it if Brian became bored with his stories and asked him to go away, like he did in the beginning of their relationship? Justin knew he could never pursue Brian a second time the way he did back then… not with knowing how it ended up. But then again, how could he not take the chance of getting the old Brian… the one who truly cared about him more than a little… back again? Justin only hesitated a few seconds. He knew it was worth the risk.
“I’d like that,” Justin answered. “Just call me whenever you want to meet and tell me where and when. I’ll be there. You probably still have my number in the contact list on your phone.”
Surprisingly, Brian hadn’t bothered to check that out before now. He had a lot of numbers, mostly business contacts, in his list and hadn’t needed it for a while. He pulled out his cell and checked. Sure enough, there was a number listed for Justin Taylor. He smiled at Justin.
“Got it,” he told him. “You’ll hear from me soon.”
Brian got up from the booth, setting some cash on the table to pay the bill. He gave Justin a smile, which was happily returned. As he turned to leave, Justin said, “Later.” Brian instinctively answered, “Later.” He didn’t see the tears that welled up in Justin’s eyes as he walked away. He had no way of knowing what that one word meant, or what happened when they last said it to each other.
To be continued…….