Brian’s eyes flew open, rapidly scanning the room in search for the source of the sickening sound that yanked him out of his restless sleep.  His eyes darted around the room, which was still in darkness despite the blue lights hanging from the back of his bed.  There was nothing to see out of the ordinary… nothing that could account for the sound that was still reverberating in his brain.  It slowly dawned on him that the sound was probably nothing more than a part of his dream, a dream he couldn’t recall. 

Brian tried hard to concentrate in hopes that snatches of his dream would return. For some reason, he felt it was important that he remember it but couldn’t say why.  As he laid his head back down on the pillow and shut his eyes, he tried to relax his body so that he could fall asleep again.  Maybe, if he was lucky, the dream would repeat itself.  And maybe he would remember the details of it when he woke up this time.  Little by little, his breathing evened out and he finally fell back into slumber.

**************************************

Brian had been asleep for barely over an hour when he was awakened suddenly by that same sickening sound that had haunted him the first time.  Only this time he recognized that it came from his dream and was somehow familiar to him, although he couldn’t say why.  All he knew was that whatever made it seem familiar was not something pleasant.  That was obvious from the way his skin felt chilled and his heart beat twice as fast as it should.  But again, the dream had dissipated like a nighttime fog on a bright sunny morning.  Brian decided he had had enough sleep.  He had no desire to reclaim the dream if it was going to make him feel as shitty as it was now. 

Brian slid off the bed and padded his way to the bathroom.  He took care of his call to Nature, brushed his teeth, and stepped into the shower.  He hoped the sting of hot water would warm him up and wash away the remnants of his mysterious dream.  He stood under the spray several minutes longer than usual and slowly began to feel more like himself again.  Feeling better, he completed his shower, exited the stall, and dried himself off.  Shortly after, he was dressed and in the kitchen preparing his usual breakfast.  As he was pulling a glass down from the cabinet for his orange juice, it somehow slipped from his fingers and fell, shattering into a dozen sharp shards on the tiled floor.

Cursing at his clumsiness, Brian gingerly stepped over the glass and made his way to the small utility closet where he kept household cleaning supplies.  His broom, with the thick wooden handle, was tucked neatly behind a mop and large pail he kept in the closet for the cleaning lady.  Brian made it a rule to avoid housework whenever possible.  He tried pulling the broom from behind the mop and pail, but lost his grip for a second time.  The broom tilted to the left and fell away from what was holding it up against the wall, then crashed to the floor.  The sound echoed loudly in the cramped space of the tiny closet.  It pierced Brian’s ears like a dagger.  Suddenly, he recognized it as a similar sound to the one that kept waking him up during the night.

Most disturbing of all was an image that seemed to flash in his brain like the flickering reflection on the screen in a movie theater.  It faded as quickly as it came to him, but in that brief instant, he clearly saw the face of his attacker on the night he was bashed, along with the object the man was holding in his fist.  Even stronger than the image was a voice he heard calling his name.  As he struggled to hold onto the brief memory, he realized that the voice he heard was coming from Justin.  Brian began shaking like a leaf.  Forgotten was the broken glass on the kitchen floor, as Brian stumbled back up the stairs of his bedroom.  He sank onto the edge of the bed and forced himself to calm down.  That was it… what he had obviously been dreaming about was the night of the attack.  More than that, the sound of the broom striking the floor had obviously been the catalyst to the first true memory from his missing past. 

Brian had never truly doubted all the stories his friends had been telling him about the missing year, but that didn’t mean he found some of the things believable, even if they were true.  Now, however, he felt there was hope that more real memories would be unlocked.  If one memory could come back, why not others?  Brian suddenly had the overwhelming urge to tell Justin what had just happened.  He didn’t bother to stop and think about why it had to be Justin he wanted to talk to about this and not one of his longer relationships.  The why of it didn’t matter for now.  All he knew was that he felt great excitement at being able to tell Justin what he had just experienced.  He looked forward to Justin’s take on it all.

****************************************

Justin had just stepped out of the shower and was toweling himself dry when his phone rang.  A quick glance told him that it was Brian on the other end of the line.  His heartbeat quickened, as it always did, when it was Brian calling him.  He was surprised, however, because he never called on a weekday so early.  It was so early now that he hadn’t even had time to eat breakfast before heading off to school.  Whatever Brian was calling about had to be important if he was calling this early.  Justin quickly answered.

“Hey, Brian.  What’s up?  I just got out of the shower.  Kind of early hearing from you.  Everything okay?”

“Well, I could tell you that I just wanted to hear your voice, but that smacks a little too much like a romantic gesture to me,” Brian laughed.  “Yes, everything is okay.  Actually, better than okay.  I thought you might like to know that I’ve had a breakthrough this morning.”

“Really?”  Justin’s voice crackled with excitement.  “What kind of breakthrough are we talking about here?”

“I thought maybe we could get together for lunch today, and I can tell you all about it.  What do you say to that idea?”

Justin couldn’t hide how excited he was when he answered in the affirmative.  Brian had to smile as he pictured Justin naked, probably skipping from one foot to the other with anticipation.  He asked Justin when he would have a break at school.  Justin gave him his schedule for the day.

“Alright then.  How about if I pick you up at noon and take you to the Liberty Diner for lunch?  Then I can get you back to school in time for your next class.”

With no hesitation, Justin agreed with Brian’s plan.  As he hung up, his mind raced with thoughts of what kind of breakthrough Brian was hinting at.  He instinctively knew it had to be something important.  Brian obviously didn’t want to wait for the weekend to discuss whatever it was.  Justin’s pulse quickened at the thought that the breakthrough might involve Brian’s previous feelings for him.  He forced himself to discard the thought, at least for now.  Surely, if that was the case Brian wouldn’t even wait for lunch.  It would be too momentous to delay passing such news on to him.  Justin reminded himself that he needed to stay focused and wait for Brian to divulge his story.  Guessing about it would only make it impossible for him to get through the hours at school while waiting for Brian to pick him up.  For now, he would dress and get moving.  The sooner he got to school, the sooner it would be lunch time.

********************************************

Brian pulled up to the loading and unloading area of the PIFA parking lot and scanned the small crowd of students leaving the building.  It didn’t take long for him to spot Justin.  His face lit up with a smile.  He had begun to realize that every time he heard Justin’s voice, or saw the young man, or even heard his name mentioned he would feel himself smiling.  There was just something about Justin that made Brian’s heart feel lighter.  No one had ever done that for him before.  Even Michael, who he truly loved like a brother, had never made him feel so alive.  Brian was in no way ready to call what he felt for Justin, love, but it was certainly something he wanted to continue feeling.  And now, more than ever, he wanted to retrieve his lost memories.  Maybe then, he would be able to understand these strange feelings he was having for Justin a little better.

Justin spotted Brian’s Jeep and made a beeline for it.  His day had dragged by slower than molasses as he waited for lunchtime to finally arrive.  One of his professors had even rebuked him for his lack of concentration on the assignment, noting that it was obvious his mind was elsewhere.  Justin didn’t bother arguing with the man, although he was one of Justin’s least favorite teachers.  The man was right.  Justin wondered why he even bothered attending classes after getting the call from Brian this morning.  All he could think about was the poorly concealed excitement in Brian’s voice and what he had said about some kind of breakthrough.  The possibilities of what that meant seemed endless.  Of course, for Justin, the one possibility he hoped for the most was that Brian finally remembered his feelings for him just before the attack.  As he reached the Jeep, Justin smiled broadly at that particular thought.

“Hey, Justin, you ready for lunch?” Brian asked, as Justin slipped into the seat next to Brian.

“Starving,” he answered.

“Then let’s go,” Brian responded, putting the vehicle in Drive and pulling out of the waiting area. 

For the first half mile, the couple remained quiet, but Justin finally couldn’t take the silence any longer.

“So, are you going to tell me about this breakthrough you mentioned on the phone, or are you going to continue to torture me with silence?”

Brian laughed.  “Don’t worry.  I promise to tell you everything, but I’d rather be face-to-face when I do, so let’s wait until we’re seated at the diner.”

Justin tried to control his irritation.  He wanted to know what was going through Brian’s head, and he wanted to know right now.  But Brian was obviously the one in charge.  Justin gave a wry smile, knowing that Brian always liked being the one in charge.  He knew he couldn’t change Brian’s mind once it was made up, so he settled back in the seat and waited.  Luckily the school wasn’t that far from Liberty Avenue, so they arrived at the diner barely ten minutes later.  Brian found a spot not far from the diner and grabbed it.  Luck was on their side, since parking was normally scarce at this time of day. 

They walked into the diner, hearing the familiar tinkle above the door, and were both happy to see that Debbie was one of the waitresses on duty.  She spotted them immediately, as it was her long-time habit to check everyone who stepped into the diner to see if there were any strangers.  She liked to give newcomers special attention so they’d feel welcome to return.  Her face lit up when she saw that it was two of her favorite men coming through the door.  Although Brian sometimes frustrated the Hell out of her, and she didn’t wholly approve of everything he did, she had a soft spot for Brian that made her love him unconditionally.  And although she hadn’t known Justin for nearly as long, her heart was filled with love for him too.  Hell, she felt they were all her sons, especially the ones that she met through Michael.

“Right this way, boys,” she instructed, pointing towards an empty booth.

Brian grimaced.  Debbie still insisted on referring to him as a boy on occasion, despite the fact that he was now in his thirties.  The little tidbit of information about how he reacted to turning thirty was one of the few things Brian didn’t mind forgetting all about.  Although his friends seemed to enjoy telling him about the “Death Day’ party they threw for him on that historic day, Brian doubted if he enjoyed it as much as they did.  But that story didn’t disturb him half as much as the one Michael told him not too long ago.  Michael seemed hesitant to bring up how Brian had tried a risky trick called ‘scarfing’ the night of his birthday, but was saved at the last minute when Mikey showed up at the loft unexpectedly.  Although Brian didn’t like hearing how he had risked his life in such a stupid way, he wasn’t really surprised.  When he turned twenty-nine, he remembered fearing the thought of becoming thirty.  Of course, now that he had come so close to dying in an even more horrendous way, he felt grateful that Michael had shown up when he did and saved him from himself.  Brian knew he would never take such a ridiculous chance with his life again.  Debbie interrupted his train of thought as he took a seat across from Justin. 

“So, what’ll it be, boys?  Cook’s conjured up a great chili for a cold day.”

“I’ll have the turkey on whole wheat, and hold the mayo.  Add a hot cup of coffee, and I’m set.”

Debbie turned to Justin.  “Chili sounds good, Deb.  And how about some loaded French fries and a double chocolate shake to go with that?”

“Coming right up,” she answered, as Brian groaned over Justin’s order.

“How in Hell you keep that girlish figure of yours, I’ll never understand.  If I ate like you, I’d be as big as a house.”

Justin grinned.  “Oh, I have my ways of burning off the calories,” he told him cryptically.  “But, now I am waiting for you to tell me your news.  You’ve kept me in suspense long enough.”

“Patience, young man.  Wait until we have our food.  We don’t want any interruptions while I’m telling you what happened.”

Justin sat back in the booth and gave Brian a look that didn’t disguise his frustration one tiny bit.  Brian stuck his tongue against his cheek and grinned.  He wasn’t sure why he was being so coy with Justin, but somehow he found himself enjoying the fact that Justin obviously cared so much about him, that he was more than a little anxious to hear whatever good news Brian might have to tell him.  Thankfully, Debbie arrived with their coffee and milkshake within minutes, and the rest of their meal arrived shortly after.  By this time, the place had filled up with customers, so the couple knew Debbie wouldn’t stop and check on them for a little while.  They each took a couple of bites of their food, barely tasting it, before talking to each other again.

“Okay, Brian, enough messing with me.  If you don’t tell me what happened this morning, I swear that the first chance I get I’ll tie your balls together so tight that you’ll be a soprano for the next month.”

Brian shuddered at the image, but then laughed.  “I thought I had heard that you have the patience of a saint.  That doesn’t sound too saintly to me.  But, you’re right.  You’ve waited long enough.”

Brian proceeded to describe the events of the night before.  How his dreams kept waking him up, but left him unable to remember why the dreams felt disturbing to him because of a sound that seemed to linger just out of reach from his memory.  Concern, mixed with puzzlement, was etched on Justin’s face as he listened intently.  He wasn’t sure where Brian was going with the story.  Was he saying that later on he finally remembered the entire dream? 

Brian continued, talking about his morning and getting ready to start the day.  He finally got to the part where he dropped the glass and it broke.  His voice changed slightly as he went on to tell about his attempt to retrieve the broom so he could sweep up the broken glass, and how it fell to the floor hard enough to make a loud noise… a sound that brought the first flash of memory from the night he was attacked.

“I saw him, Justin!” he whispered intently.  “I saw his face, and I saw the bat coming towards me!”

Justin gasped, his eyes starting to water. 

“But that’s not all.  Justin, I heard you!  I heard your voice calling out my name.  You must have seen what was about to happen and tried to warn me!”

Justin’s voice was shaky.  “I…I did try to warn you.  I was about to return to the dance so I could find Daphne.  You were on your way to your car.  We were going to meet up later.  But before I could leave, I thought I spotted some odd movement in the garage in the corner behind you.  I didn’t realize it was Chris Hobbs, but the figure somehow felt menacing and was closing in on you fast.  Then I saw that he had something in his hand and it looked like he was going to hit you with it, so I screamed.  But, I was… oh damn, Brian, I was too late.  You turned around and he struck you.  I thought the world had ended.  I’m so sorry I was too late!  I’m so sorry!”

“Damn it, Justin, stop it.  I don’t want to hear you apologize like that again.  Do you hear me?  None of what happened is your fault.  I wish I could remember even more, but at least it’s a beginning.  That’s a good thing!  Given time, I believe more of the past will come back to me.  And we’re going to work on it together.  Right?”

Justin looked at Brian with so much gratitude.  A little of the guilt he had been feeling since that awful night slipped away, thanks to Brian’s words.  The love he had felt for Brian for such a long time expanded. 

Brian continued, “Now, let’s eat up.  I don’t want to get you back to class late.  But I was thinking we could talk about this more tonight while the memory is still fresh in my mind.  You know, rather than waiting for the weekend.  I could order something up for dinner at the loft.  What do you say to that?”

Justin nodded his head vigorously.  He couldn’t believe his luck.  Brian wanted to spend time with him again so soon after they had spent the weekend together.  Whether Brian’s memories returned or not, Justin was beginning to feel as if their past was no different than the future that lay before them.  For now, he’d be content to spend another evening with Brian at his loft.  Tonight couldn’t come soon enough for Justin.

To be continued……….