Justin sat, nervously picking at the hem of his sweater, waiting for Brian to join him in the living room. He had no clue as to how Brian would react to the video he had just slid into Brian’s player. He already knew exactly what was on the recording. He felt it was necessary for him to view the thing first, so he could be prepared for whatever Brian would see. He could still recall the feelings that threatened to overwhelm him as he watched the video for the first time, with Daphne sitting beside him. That whole night came rushing back like a tidal wave, trying to steal the breath from his body as he absorbed what he was viewing. He had spent every month, every week, every day, every hour, trying not to think about Prom Night. Even though parts of it were full of unbridled joy, those memories were always tainted by how the night ended. It was just easier not to think about the dance at all. Yet there he was, forcing himself to watch that night unfold in front of his eyes. And now he was going to relive it again with Brian. He prayed he wasn’t making a mistake.
He finally heard the sound of the toilet flushing, and stiffened in anticipation. Brian, who had no idea what he was about to see, came into the room with a wide smile on his face. He had begun to enjoy every time Justin came over for a visit. Actually, so much so that he found himself contemplating inviting Justin to move in with him. He clearly remembered scoffing at his friends when they told him that he had invited Justin to stay with him once before, knowing that it was entirely out of character for him to do such a thing. He wasn’t surprised to find out that he had also kicked the young man out after his place had been robbed, due to something careless Justin had done. But, he thought to himself, Justin had been a green kid at the time and he certainly seemed very mature for his age now. The thought of having Justin around every night for pleasure, as well as the wonderfully stimulating conversations he always provided, was becoming more enticing with each passing week. As he took a seat next to Justin on the couch, he wondered what kind of interesting entertainment the young man had in store for him tonight. All Justin would say, when he asked if he could come over and bring something that he wanted to show him, was that he thought Brian would find it worth his time. So, now it was time to find out what Justin had up his sleeve.
“Okay, Sunshine, (he had taken to frequently using the nickname that others told him he used a lot in the past) I’m here and ready for whatever you have in mind. If it’s a little gay porn, I don’t think I need anything to stimulate me… not when I have you around.”
Justin couldn’t help himself. He blushed with pleasure. But then he turned serious.
“No, not porn, but thanks for the compliment. No, this is a video, which a classmate that Daphne and I knew from high school, made on the night of our Senior Prom. She’s a very talented videographer, and she captured a lot of what was going on during the whole night. However, when she showed it to Daphne, she realized that Jackie… that’s the girl who made the video… anyway, Jackie zeroed in on you and me almost from the moment you walked into the ballroom. She must have realized what a unique situation it was, for a grown man to just casually walk into a high school dance, looking dressed to kill, and seeking out a single person. Of course, it is up to you whether you want to watch it or not. But I will warn you, she zoomed in on us and caught every single moment of our dance.”
Brian wasn’t quite sure what to make of the feelings he was having as he listened to what Justin was telling him. There was an eerie feeling of dread, yet it was also mixed equally with an excitement that made his body tingle with anticipation. He suddenly squared his shoulders and looked Justin right in the face.
Without hesitation, he said, “Play it!”
Justin clicked Play on the remote and the television screen suddenly came to life. Justin fast forwarded through much of the teens dancing, along with scenes of teenagers laughing, gossiping, flirting, and making out with each other, which the videographer captured on her recorder. Finally, he recognized what was coming up next on the video and paused it. He turned to Brian.
“Are you sure you want to see this, knowing what happens after we danced?”
“Play it!” Brian repeated his request.
Justin hit the Play button again and sat forward, his eyes intently watching the screen. At first, the camera only caught the reaction of students as Brian stepped into the ballroom. It didn’t take Jackie long to realize that everyone’s attention had been caught by something or someone at the entrance to the ballroom, so her camera turned to see what the cause was. The camera clearly caught Brian as he entered the ballroom, along with capturing the look on his face as he scanned the room, obviously searching for someone. From that moment on, her camera was trained strictly on Brian. You could see some of the teenagers staring at Brian as he strode purposefully towards Justin and Daphne. Although you could not hear what was being said between the threesome, you could see Justin and Daphne’s reaction when Brian approached them. Then you saw those same teenagers parting ways to make room for Brian as he led Justin to the dance floor. No one else seemed interested in dancing any longer, as Brian lovingly guided Justin around the floor, dancing in a way that no one had ever seen him do at Babylon.
As Brian watched the screen, witnessing what he had been told, but not being able to see it in his mind’s eye until now, his whole body leaned forward. Without thinking, his hand reached for Justin’s, and he held tight. Justin had stopped watching the screen, but was intensely watching Brian instead. His heart was beating so hard in his chest, that it was almost a physical pain. He was unaware that he was holding his breath, only letting it out long enough to take another deep breath as the dance continued. He already knew how Brian twirled him around the dance floor, and even ended up dipping him in a romantic gesture. Suddenly Brian let out a sound similar to a gasp. Justin’s eyes flew to the screen, where he saw Brian kissing him at the end of the dance. He remembered that kiss so well, and the way Brian looked at him as their lips separated, just before Brian held his hand (just as he was doing now) and pulled him from the dance floor.
Images continued to flicker across the screen, as Jackie trained her camera around the room to capture the reactions of her fellow classmates behind Brian and Justin’s retreating backs. Neither of the men were watching the screen any longer. Their eyes met, and Justin saw something in Brian’s eyes he hadn’t seen since that glorious, yet tragic night. Moments passed, which seemed like forever, but was only a minute or two. The tension was almost unbearable, yet no one spoke. Then the silence was broken.
“I think I fell in love with you that night,” Brian almost whispered. “Did I tell you that, before….?”
“No, you never said it, Brian, but I saw it in your eyes. When we left the dance, before you went out into the parking garage, we had a moment alone together and I knew that something had changed… had grown between us. I was to meet up at your place after I took Daphne home. You said you had something waiting for me there.”
Brian suddenly stiffened. His hand was still holding Justin’s, and he now squeezed so tight that Justin cried out in pain. Brian quickly let go, and his eyes appeared haunted. He began trembling as if a sudden chill had filled the room. Justin realized that he now seemed to be staring straight through him, rather than at him.
“Brian… Brian, what’s wrong?” he asked, panicked.
“I saw that bastard coming at me again, only much clearer this time,” Brian cried out.
Then, just as suddenly as the image came, it faded away leaving the clear memory intact. Brian reached for Justin’s hands again, only this time holding them gently in his own. Justin could see his body relaxing. The haunted look vanished from Brian’s eyes, replaced with warmth.
“That’s not all I remember, Justin. I clearly remember being with you at the dance, and what we said to each other when we left together. And no, in case you are wondering, the memory has nothing to do with what we just watched. I remember every word we said to each other even before we danced. More than that, I remember how I felt when I was trying to find you in that crowd of pimply-faced teenagers. I wanted nothing more than to hold you in my arms and show you how glad I was to be alive… even if I had just turned thirty.” Brian grimaced. “Oh God, that’s not all that I am remembering.”
Brian saw himself being pulled down from the chair he had been standing on when trying to play a scarfing game, risking the very life he almost lost later that night. A few more images became clearer in his mind, most of them involving times he spent with Justin before that night. Then, like a door being closed, the memories stopped. His next thought was… ‘somehow that door has to open again.’ He sensed that there were many more memories of his time with Justin left to recover. And he wanted to bring back his missing year with the others that he cared about too. But for now, he was just overjoyed to know that some of the missing puzzle pieces of last year had begun to form a picture he could recognize. Best of all, the pieces he did have, were a confirmation of the growing special feelings he was experiencing for the young man, who now sat on the couch beside him, looking worried. Brian let go of Justin’s hands and gathered him in his arms.
He whispered in his ear, “It’s all good, Sunshine. I think I may have fallen in love with you… then and now.”
Justin drew in a shaky breath, as he pulled back just enough to look deeply into Brian’s eyes. Yes! He saw that Brian wasn’t fooling. His heartbeat quickened as Brian kissed him. Brian’s hands pulled at Justin’s clothing. He wanted to tell his lover everything he had just witnessed in his head, but it could wait until he showed him how he felt first. And he had no resistance from Justin. He could wait too. First things first.
To be continued…….