Chapter Five: The Beginning of It

Brian awoke to light streaming through his loft’s windows and took a deep breath. What time was it? What day was it? He looked at his cell phone and found out that it was only 6 in the morning on Christmas day. How was it possible that everything he had seen and experienced had happened all in one night? Brian wasn't going to question it, however; he knew what he had to do. He had to make things right. There was no way that Gus was going to die on the streets. There was no way that Justin was going to turn into a recluse more antisocial than Brian himself. He had been given a gift and he was going to take advantage of it.

Flipping open the phone in his hand, Brian clicked on the number four and listened as it rang. When it went to voice-mail, he hung up and dialed again. It wasn't until the third call that someone picked up.

“For fuck’s sake, Brian,” Cynthia complained sleepily. “It’s too early. And it’s Christmas for god’s sake!”

“I know, isn't that great?” Brian asked happily. “It’s Christmas!”

“Are you on something?”

Brian chuckled. “Nope, just happy. I need your help.”

“You always need my help,” Cynthia said with a long suffering sigh. “What is it this time?”

“I need you to do a little research for me,” Brian said. “Justin Taylor recently purchased a house about twenty miles outside of Pittsburgh. I need you to find out where and get me the address. Today if at all possible. Also, can you call up your man Josh? I need to do some last minute shopping.”

“Last minute?” Cynthia scoffed. The phone was muffled for a moment before Cynthia came back on. “Josh is right here. He says he’ll meet you at the store in an hour. And you had better make it worth his while for opening on Christmas morning. I’ll call you back when I get the information.”

“Josh is with you?” Brian asked with s smirk that could be heard over the phone. “Well, lucky you. Tell him I said thanks and I’ll definitely make it worth his while in a platonic non-sexual way. Wouldn't want my partner to be pissed off at me.”

“Wh- what?” Cynthia asked, not sure if she had heard correctly.

“Well, I figure we need a little reorganization at Kinnetik,” Brian drawled. “I need to cut back my hours so that I can concentrate more on my son and perhaps my other relationships. In order to do that, I think I’ll need a partner. You interested?”

“Fuck, Brian, you know I am,” Cynthia said quietly.

“Good,” Brian said. “After the holidays, you get me a new assistant trained up and we’ll discuss your new position as COO. And as a thank you for all the shit you've put up with from me over the years, I’m paying for two weeks wherever the fuck you want to go. Just have my new assistant book it. Take Josh with you.”

“And I thought you couldn't surprise me anymore,” Cynthia said with a chuckle. “I’ll get that address and get back to you.”

Brian hung up the phone and poured himself a cup of coffee. He knew exactly what he needed to do today and there wasn't a thing that could stop him. His pride was a thing of the past. If he had to beg and plead, he would get Justin to forgive him and take him back. He would be there for his son. Gus wouldn't lose faith in either Santa Claus or his father. And the family would finally see Brian Kinney, the man, instead of Brian Kinney, the legend.

After a quick shower, Brian went to look through his closet. He needed something festive for the special day. He chose a red cashmere sweater and paired it with his favorite jeans, the ones he usually only ever wore around the loft because they were so faded and comfortable. He pulled on his black leather duster and was ready to go. He looked relaxed in a way that most wouldn't recognize in him.

Outside, the snow had stopped falling, leaving the city blanketed in white, making even the dingy streets of Pittsburgh look magical. Brian laughed at his fanciful thought as he cleaned off his car and headed out.

“Hey, Brian,” Josh greeted when Brian met him at the store. “You do realize that most people do their shopping before Christmas morning.”

Brian poked his tongue into his cheek but chuckled good-naturedly. “I realize that. There was a last minute change in plans last night due to the weather and other circumstances.”

“Was there something specific you wanted?” Josh asked.

“Yes,” Brian said. “I saw them the last time I was in. Over here. Also that bracelet I asked you about.”

Josh whistled when he saw what Brian was pointing to. “Wow, Brian…”

“Not a word to anyone yet, Josh,” Brian said. “Not even Cynthia. You can tell her about the bracelet though.”

“You got it,” Josh said with a grin. “Thanks for the trip, by the way. I think Cynthia wants to go to Australia but I’m trying to nudge her towards Europe. Paris or Rome.”

“Go to Australia,” Brian advised. “You can go to Europe when I pay for your honeymoon.”

Josh’s jaw dropped. “How did you… I just asked her last night and I was there when she spoke to you on the phone!”

“Please,” Brian smirked playfully. “You breeder boys are all so predictable. Of course you were going to ask her for Christmas. I’m sure you gave her a kick ass ring.”

“Since I own a jewelry store, I think it was a given,” Josh said.

Brian smiled at him. “Just be good to her. She’s… she’s very special to me and she deserves to be happy.”

“I plan on making sure she is,” Josh said sincerely.

The transaction was soon completed and the two men parted ways on the street outside. Brian climbed into his car and headed in the direction of the munchers. The lights outside the house were lit up and Brian smiled. He could see where Gus had helped string the lights on the bushes because they were all bunched together. It didn't matter; it was still beautiful and magical just like that Christmas when he was three. Brian took a moment to just look at the display with renewed wonder.

Eventually, Brian tore himself away from the sight to ring the doorbell and waited for an answer.

When the door swung open, it was Melanie. “Wow. You actually graced us with your presence? Well, the gifts are opened, but we’re about to have breakfast, so you may as well come in.”

Brian leaned forward and kissed Mel’s cheek. “Thanks. Happy Holidays.”

Mel looked flabbergasted as Brian passed her and went inside. Lindsay and Gus were still sitting on the living room floor and Brian wondered if he had just missed the conversation about Santa.

“Daddy!” Gus shouted and ran into Brian’s arms for a tight hug. “You came!”

“Santa told me that you wished for me to be here,” Brian said. “I couldn't let a request from somebody so important go ignored.”

“Santa?” Gus asked.

“No, you, Sonny Boy,” Brian said and kissed Gus’ cheek. “I love you, Gus. Don’t you ever doubt that.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” Gus said. “Now put me down. I made something for you!”

Brian set Gus down and the boy ran to find his gift. Brian stared after him for a moment, and then he realized the girls were watching him with bemused looks on their faces. “What?”

“Nothing,” Lindsay said innocently. “Just… It’s good to see you looking so happy.”

“I plan on being happy a hell of a lot more often,” Brian said.

Gus came running back into the room and handed Brian an oddly shaped package wrapped with more tape than paper. “I wrapped it myself.”

“I can tell,” Brian said. He sat down in an empty chair and began the long process of removing the tape and paper until a small statuette was revealed. “Is that you and me?”

Gus nodded. “Teacher told us to make something that makes us happy from the clay. So I made you and me together.”

It was crude, but the two figures, one tall and lean, one small and just as lean, were clearly distinguishable. “It’s really good, Gus.”

“That’s what my teacher said,” Gus said proudly. “She put it out for parent teacher day. And she says I could be a sc-sculptor when I grow up. I’d like that.”

“Well, I might know someone who could give you lessons, but I have to talk to him first,” Brian said. “No promises.”

“That would be really cool, Daddy,” Gus said.

“This piece of art is going to have a place of honor in my office so that everyone who comes in will ask me who the great artist is,” Brian said. “And I’ll tell them, that’s my Sonny Boy.”

Gus giggled. “Daaaad, you’re silly. Come on. Let’s eat. I’m starving!”

The rest of the morning went better than Brian could have hoped. The girls soon got used to this softer side of Brian and Brian completely forgot that he had once avoided showing any sort of emotions to anyone. When Cynthia rang a little before noon, Brian reluctantly answered his phone. Only the promise of seeing Justin kept him from ignoring the call.

“I got the address,” Cynthia said. “He lives outside New Kensington.” Cynthia gave him the address and directions. “And Josh told me about the honeymoon. Thanks, Brian.”

“Thank you, Cyn,” Brian said. “I’d be completely lost without you.”

“Not completely,” Cynthia teased. “But it’s good that you recognize your limitations. Merry Christmas Brian. And good luck with whatever mad scheme you have going this time.”

“Thanks,” Brian said with a chuckle. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

Soon after that, Brian was on the road toward Justin. He took state route 28 northeast out of Pittsburgh and was soon away from the city. It only took about half an hour, though he had to slow down a bit once he got off the main road due to the snow still on the streets. When he pulled up in front of the gate, a taxi was just leaving and the gate stayed open long enough for him to pull through without a fuss. It seemed that Ethan with the rat face was leaving. Brian smiled at that. He wasn't nearly good enough for Justin.

Brian frowned. It wasn't like he was good enough for Justin either. But wasn't that what The-Powers-That-Be had been trying to teach him? That he was worthy of love? That he was good for Justin and Gus and even his surrogate family? Brian smiled. It was going to take some work to stop thinking that he was never good enough, but he was determined to do so. He was loved and he loved. He was not the awful person he had always believed himself to be. He was better than the lies his parents had told him. He was better than the shell of a man he had become by hiding his feelings from the world. And if Justin could love him, who was he to argue?

Brian rang the doorbell, but there was no answer. After waiting patiently for a few minutes, Brian went around the house to the garage and up the stairs to the studio. He knocked on the closed door and waited again. Brian could hear Justin muttering angrily as he got closer to the door.

“I thought I told you to leave…” Justin’s voice faded as he saw who was standing there. “Brian?”

“Justin,” Brian breathed out. “Fuck, I've missed you so fucking much.”

Justin looked like he had seen a ghost. Given Brian’s night, he knew exactly how the blond felt. They simply stood there and stared at each other for the longest time. Eventually, however, the cold seemed to break through to Brian’s brain.

“Um, mind if I come in?” Brian asked.

Ever the polite country club brat, Justin stood back and gestured for Brian to enter. After he had closed the door behind them, Justin leaned on it and sighed. “What are you doing here? How did you find me? Fuck, why did you find me? I thought you never wanted to see me again.”

“I lied,” Brian said quietly. “I lied about being relieved about you leaving. I lied about never loving you. I lied about a lot of things, and I’m so fucking sorry for each and every one of them.”

“Sorry’s bullshit,” Justin muttered as he stepped away from the door and went over to the window on the other side of the large room. Brian noted that Justin was putting a distance between them, but didn't do anything to stop him.

“Sorry isn't bullshit,” Brian said. “I know that now. Just like I know that I love you. I loved you then, I love you now, and I’m going to love you until the day I die.”

“You don’t even know me,” Justin said. “I've been gone for a long time, Brian. I’m not the same person I was when I left.”

“I’m not either,” Brian said. “But no matter what changes either of us has made, a love like we shared doesn't just go away. I want to try again. I want to get it right this time.”

Justin turned to face Brian again. “I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I could survive if you sent me away again.”

“Have I ever made a promise to you that I didn't keep?” Brian asked.

Justin shook his head. “You rarely made promises, but when you did, you always kept them. Part of the Kinney Code of Conduct.”

“That’s right, though most of that code has been recently tossed away,” Brian said with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m going to make a promise to you here and now. I promise that I will never send you away and I will never walk away from you, from us. I’m sure we’ll hit some rough times, but I promise that I’ll stick around to work it out.”

Justin stared at him and Brian could see a spark of hope begin to light his eyes, eyes that had been dulled with pain for entirely too long. “You mean that?”

“With all my heart,” Brian agreed. “I love you.”

“Why’d you do that?” Justin asked. “Why did you break my heart like that?”

Brian walked over to the small sofa in the corner of the room and sat down. “I thought… I thought that you would be better off without me in your life. I thought that loving me would keep you from finding happiness. So I tried to make you stop loving me.”

“I could never stop loving you,” Justin said as he slowly approached Brian. “Loving you may hurt sometimes, but as long as we’re together the hurt is only temporary.”

“I think I understand that now,” Brian said. “But you may have to remind me from time to time.”

Justin sat down on the sofa beside Brian. “What about tricks?”

Brian shrugged. “I haven’t done as much of that since you left. I realized a while ago that I don’t need the anonymous boost anymore. I can certainly live without them as long as I have you. I think we should try monogamy.” Brian thought of the spirit’s words and knew that he would be celibate if it meant that Justin wouldn't go through the horror he faced in Chicago.

Justin beamed at Brian and for the first time, Brian could see the young man he had fallen in love with in the man beside him. He wasn't gone completely, just buried under a mound of hurt. Brian vowed to remove that pain if it took the rest of his life.

“Let’s go for it,” Justin said happily. And then he leaned forward and gave Brian a kiss that wiped away all the anxiety he had been carrying since watching Justin die in his arms the night before. It wiped away the hidden hurts and loneliness of the past four years. It even wiped away the fear that came from allowing himself to be vulnerable.

When Brian pulled away, he knew that no matter what anyone else thought of his change in attitude, no matter how much teasing he took for finally giving in to his heart, it was worth it all to have Justin in his arms and in his life.

“I brought you a gift,” Brian said. “Well actually, I brought you two gifts but one is for now and one for later.”

Justin looked confused, but he accepted the first small box that Brian handed to him. He opened it to find a thick platinum ID bracelet. It was made from wide flat links and the flat ID part was etched with a scrolling design.

“Are those shells?” Justin asked.

“Just like my bracelet,” Brian nodded. “When I saw it months ago, all I could think of was seeing you wear it. When I decided to come see you today, I made my friend open up his shop so I could give this to you. I had him date the back.”

Justin turned the bracelet over so he could see the inscription: Always JT & BK. “Put it on me?” Justin asked and held his arm up. Once Brian had closed the clasp, he held Justin’s wrist up and kissed it.

“Okay, second gift,” Brian said. “But remember, this is for later, when we’re both ready. But I wanted you to know that I fully intend for that day to come.”

Justin looked confused until he opened the second small box that Brian handed to him. It contained a set of two platinum wedding bands.

“Someday,” Brian said as he wiped the tears from Justin’s face. “Someday soon, we’ll stand up in front of our friends and family and promise forever.”

Justin nodded and kissed Brian tenderly through his tears. “Someday soon,” he agreed.

Later, much later, after a tour of the house and a long tour of the master bedroom, the master bed and even the master shower, Brian held Justin in his arms and kissed his forehead. “Come to Debbie’s with me? Come see everyone. Gus has gotten so big. He wants to be a sculptor—at least he does this week—I told him I might know someone who would be willing to give him lessons. Any ideas?”

Justin chuckled. “Yes, I’ll give Gus lessons. As for the party at Debbie’s… I’m not sure.”

“They all love you,” Brian said. “And they’ve missed you almost as much as I have.”

Justin sighed and took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll go.”

An hour later, they were pulling up in front of Debbie’s house. Justin looked nervous, but Brian was just as nervous. “We’re here.”

“So we are,” Justin agreed. He looked at Brian. “Are they expecting you?”

“No,” Brian admitted. “I haven’t been to a family Christmas since you left. As far as they are concerned, I’m Pittsburgh’s answer to Scrooge.” Brian smirked when he thought of how true that statement was.

“Well, just like Scrooge, you can have a change of heart,” Justin said. “Let’s go show them how to celebrate.”

Brian leered, “I didn’t think you’d be up for a public display so soon, but…”

Justin laughed at that. “Asshole, you know what I meant.”

Feeling much less anxious, the two men climbed from the car and went to the front door together, holding hands the whole way. They shared a smile and Justin pressed the doorbell. Moments later, the door swung open.

“Brian? What are you doing here?” Debbie asked with surprise. Her expression turned to shock, however, when she saw who was with him. “Oh my god! Sunshine! Is that really you?”

Justin was engulfed in a tight hug before he could answer. “Yeah Deb, it’s me. I’ve come home.”

Brian looked at Justin with a wide smile. “We’ve both come home.”

Debbie was swiping at tears, but she didn't miss the look or Brian’s words. She embraced him tightly and whispered in his ear. “Glad to have you home, Scrooge.”

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” Brian said.

“Is this the part where Tiny Tim says, ‘God Bless us, everyone’?” Justin asked with a cheeky smile.

“I think we've all been blessed already,” Debbie said.

From inside, they all heard Michael whine, “Ma? What’s taking so long? Who’s there?”

“Well, come on inside. Everybody will be thrilled to see you both,” Debbie said.

She walked in and Brian held Justin back for just one moment to capture his lips. “Merry Christmas, Justin.”

“Merry Christmas, Brian.”

Somewhere, on another plane of existence, Jack Kinney smiled. His son would be alright. Gus would have a better life than the one Brian had been shown and Brian and Justin would live and love for many years to come. All had been set right because that is just as it should be in a Christmas Carol, no matter who is playing Scrooge this year.

And so our story ends on a happy note as together Brian and Justin walked inside the brightly decorated house to face the family and to face the future together.

The End