I looked out at the view from my penthouse and wondered if this was it. Was my life going to be this never ending party? Behind me the staff was celebrating record breaking sales. In front of me was sky. I walked out to the balcony, gripped the railings and looked down, that would be an interesting way to go, not that I was really considering it. I listened to the people laughing and wondered if he still laughed and smiled the way he used to. Is he still fearless and ready to take on the world? Would he even remember me, as anything but a guy who fucked him and left him? I’m probably just a memory.

After I left for New York, I never contacted him or even asked about him. He deserved someone who would love him and be able to say it to him. He deserved a life without complications. I know that after I left he stopped being around my friends, Lindsay told me that as far as she knew he finished school and left to go to college, but no one ever asked where. It was like he was a blip on their radar, and once I wasn’t there, neither was he.

In a way I think we all moved on, only calling randomly to check if we were still breathing. It’s strange, I doubt I’d still be talking to Lindsay if it wasn’t for Gus. It’s the only thing we have in common anymore. Adam came out with his newest boy, there’s always a new one. For me there’s still never a repeat, unless you count the one I let go.

“Brian, why are you out here and not inside? Everyone wants to wish you well, you lucky dog. How does it feel to retire before forty?” He asks me.

“I’m not retiring, just downsizing. I don’t want to be a long distance father anymore.” I tell him, not that he cares.

“Good luck, maybe Corey and I can stay after, relive how we met each other.” He tells me.

“One time only, no repeats.” I tell him.

While the movers were taking my things, I sat on my sofa, still wondering about Justin. I searched my phone for the number that I hadn’t dialed in eight years.

“Hello… anybody there?” A little girl asks.

“Sorry, I guess I have the wrong number.” I tell her.

“I’m bored and my Dad is busy, whatcha doing?” She asks me.

“Obviously dialing the wrong number, boredom does that to you.” I tell her.

“My Dad told me boredom is a dangerous thing. I don’t think he gets that I was just experimenting with his paint.” She tells me.

“What did you do?” I ask, wondering why I’m still on the phone.

“I might have repainted the couch, but it was ugly anyway.” She tells me.

“It sounds like you need a keeper.” I tell her.

“Apparently I need adult supervision, and a father who doesn’t let me get away with everything. At least that’s what Nana tells my Dad all the time.” She tells me, giggling.

“What do they tell your mommy?” I ask her.

“I don’t have one of those, just Dad. I’m my Dad’s miracle, that’s what he calls me.” She tells me.

“I’m sure any father thinks that about their kids.” I tell her.

“But like I was born a month early and stayed in the hospital forever, that’s what Aunt Molly told me.” She tells me.

“I guess you are a miracle.” I tell her.

“Who are you talking to?” I hear a soft voice in the background.

“He called me, I swear Dad.” She tells him.

“Who called you on my phone, and while I’m asking, why do you have my phone?” The guy asks.

“I was looking at the pictures of him.” She tells him.

“Honey, who’s on the phone?” He asks her.

“Oops forgot to ask, who are you?” She asks, making me laugh.

“I’m Brian, and tell your father sorry for calling the wrong number.” I tell her.

“He says he’s Brian, but called the wrong number.” She tells him.

“Let me talk to him. Lunch is on the table.”  He tells her.

“Bye Brian, call me again, we can be bored together.” She tells me.

“Why are you calling?”

“Sorry, this number used to belong to someone I knew once.” I tell him.

“It still does Brian, lose it.”  Justin tells me.

“Justin?” I ask.

“Imagine that, you remember my name, your memory must be getting better with old age.”  He says sarcastically.

“A lot of things got better with age. How have you been? I’ve been thinking about you.” I  tell him.

“Great. Being a single father to our daughter has been wonderful, so later.” He tells me hanging up.

What the hell? I called back but got sent to voicemail. I texted, because he couldn’t ignore that.

“I want an explanation.”

“I explained in the email, messages, and by letter. I guess you were too busy to read them.”  He sent.

‘There were other ways to tell me.” I texted back, pissed that he wouldn’t answer.

“I didn’t see a reason to use the other ways when they told me to get an abortion. Apparently there can only be one person to have your child and it wasn’t me.” He texts.

“Where are you?”

“Far away in a place you don’t need to know. We don’t need someone who couldn’t be bothered with us.” He sends.

“I will find you.” I text.

“Sure, what, it only took eight years this time.” He sends.

Lindsay and I are going to talk, because if she knew about this, I’ll make sure Gus only has a father.

JUSTIN

Why call now? He’s ignored us for years but suddenly wants to talk. Not that that's ever been something he did. Well good luck trying to find us, because Toto we ain’t in Pittsburgh anymore. I got up and went to check that Hannah hadn’t thrown the bread in the garbage. Of all the things that she could take after Brian, his hatred of carbs wasn’t one I could see as genetic.

“I hope you were nice to him, he was bored.” She tells me sliding the bread to the side.

“If he calls again, I don’t want you answering.” I tell her.

“Dad, he wasn’t saying anything you tell me bad people do.” She tells me.

“I know he didn’t, but I don’t want him hurting you.” I tell her, knowing she needed to know who called.

“Why would he hurt me?” She asks.

“Because you want him to be something that I don’t know if he could be.” I tell her.

“What?”

“Your father.” I tell her.

“Did he want to see me?” She asks, excited.

“He most likely does now. Do you want to meet him?” I ask.

“Yes, but I promise not to expect too much.” She tells me.

“Baby, you expect whatever you want and if he can’t give it to you, I always will.” I tell her.

I let Hannah go play with her friend next door, with the promise that I would call Brian. God, why did he have to call now? I’m finally in a place in my life where I’m no longer angry and now he is trying to destroy the life I made with Hannah.

I still remember standing outside Lindsay’s house trying to get her to at least tell Brian he needed to call me. I wasn’t expecting him to do anything, I just wanted him to know he was having a child. She acted like I did something to her by getting pregnant. The last straw was when she handed me cash and told me to get rid of it.

“Brian wanted you gone, why do you think he left? To get away from you. It’s your fault that Gus is going to be raised without Brian.” She tells me.

“He left because he wanted the job, it had nothing to do with me.” I tell her.

“Believe what you want but he was tired of having to take care of you.” She tells me.

“Maybe he was tired of having to be there for you when Mel got tired of your shit.” I tell her.

“Just do him a favor and get rid of it. He wouldn’t thank you for tying him to you for the rest of his life. Gus is the only child he wants. I can pay for you to get rid of it, but that’s all I will do for you.” She tells me.

“I made the mistake of thinking we were friends.” I told her, leaving.

I went back to Deb’s house and stayed long enough to graduate with honors and get a scholarship to the school of my choice. I remember just wanting to be away from everyone. Emmett came over to visit and when I told him that I was going to accept the offer from Georgia Tech, he asked if he could come with me. He didn’t fit in his old life anymore and wanted to see if maybe being somewhere new would help him find his place in the world. Deb was happy that I won’t be alone and encouraged us to go. I made Emmett not tell Deb I pregnant, because I knew she would try to make Brian deal with me. I just didn’t feel I needed to do more when he wouldn’t answer me. At that point, I decided that maybe Lindsay was right and he wanted me gone.

Emmett ended up getting a job with a party planner and told me that my job was school and taking care of the baby. It wasn’t easy for me to let Emmett take care of us but with all the complications I had, I didn’t have a choice. When I finish college, I got an offer to work for a graphic design firm in Chicago, so Emmett packed us up to move. Declaring that his baby was going nowhere without Aunty Em.

Emmett meet my boss, Charles, when he offered to show us around. It was only a few months before Charles convinced Emmett to move in with him. Hannah and I were happy that Emmett finally found someone who loved him as much as we do. Of course that meant that Emmett wanted me to start seeing people. I tried but either they had a problem with me being a single parent or Hannah had a problem with them. I know it was more to do with the relationship, well non-relationship I once had with Brian. I kept trying to find someone who could make me forget Brian. It seemed that I would always love the bastard, so I refused to do what Brian did to me to someone else.

“Why are you looking like you want to throw your phone out the window?” Emmett asks, when he let himself in my house.

“I do, but I don’t know if it would help. Hannah wants to meet Brian.” I tell him.

“Why?” He asks.

“Brian called and she had my phone, which means she answered and talked to him.” I tell him.

“Did you tell him?” Emmett asks, lifting my chin.

“Yes, you could say I did, then hung up on his ass.” I tell him.

“Justin, Brian is going to hunt you down.” He tells me.

“Which won’t be easy since they all stopped talking to us.” I tell him.

I hated that Emmett ended up in the middle when Michael ran into us when we were out to lunch with my mom. He took one look at Hannah and called me a whore for fucking around on Brian. Emmett didn’t take it well, and broke Michael’s nose. Which of course became us hurting poor Michael, and being told we were no longer welcome around the family. Of course when Lindsay used it to tell them that I hid Hannah because I didn’t know who the father was. At that point, I was done with all of them. Emmett and I decided that once Brian was no longer around to rein them in they became the assholes they really were.

“I’m sure when Brian sees them I’ll have to prove Hannah is his.” I tell Emmett.

“Hopefully he will take one look into his own eyes and see the truth.” Emmett tells me.