Impossible by starlight


Mel called to tell me about Lindsay acting unhinged at her house. I called Alex to find out what he thought of meeting with Lindsay, and to tell him what she did. Alex stayed quiet for a minute before talking to me.

“Brian, she's a sociopath. She shows all the signs, her sense of entitlement, her belief that it's not her fault that she's not an artist, and the outbursts when things upset her. Most sociopaths show who they are, but most of the time you see it as antisocial, not what it is that she lacks, the normal filter that can tell her right from wrong. It’s not that she doesn’t know something she’s doing is wrong, but that she doesn’t care how it affects other people, only her. In a way she views Justin as her proof that it wasn’t her, but everything else that caused her failure at everything in her life. In most cases the person has suffered a form of abuse or neglect, and in Lindsay’s case it sounds as if her parents weren’t the most supportive of her life. It’s surprising that she held it in check for so long.” He tells me.

“Mel said that after I left, Lindsay seemed to change. She went from being charming, to insulting people and making fun of things she used to support. Like with Justin, she practically mothered him and acted as if he was important to her, then was kicking him out of her life and lying about him to everyone. What I don’t get is why she didn’t lie to me or even talk about Justin around me.” I tell him.

“What would you have done if she or Michael told you about the baby?” He asked me.

“I would have come home and taken care of him. I would have known she was mine, it was the only way it could have happened.” I tell him.

“She didn’t want you to give Justin what she wanted, but then she didn’t want Justin to do anything she did for you either. Remember, as confusing as all this sounds, to her it makes sense. Justin was taking what she felt was hers, you and art. She wouldn’t want him to succeed, because who does she blame for her lack of success with you and art? I’m sure if you talk to Justin you’ll find where she would do something intentionally to cause problem between you two, but it wouldn’t seem that way to you, unless you saw the bigger picture.” He tells me.

“Action and reaction. Justin and I were talking about the past and he jokingly said that he had the action and reaction part of the Kinney Operation Manual aced.” I tell him.

“What did he ace?” He asks me.

“He mentioned that when Lindsay or Michael would say something about us being a couple, it sent me running out and shitting all over our relationship. Lindsay would constantly make comments about Justin and I, and I took off to the baths. Michael would say something about Justin owning me, and I acted like an asshole to Justin.” I tell him.

“She needed a victim and used Justin that way. Most sociopaths target a person who is everything they aren’t, or has something they feel is theirs. Justin had you and art, everything Lindsay believes belongs to her. She blames both you and Mel for her failure to live up to her dream, and Justin for trying to be her by having your child.” He tells me.

“Why bother with Mel?” I ask him.

“Mel had something she believed belong to her, her trophy. She collected those reports because for her it was a way to validate that she was right and everyone else was wrong. Mel took the home, the income, and the box, so Lindsay needed to show Mel what happens when you mess with Lindsay.” He tells me.

“What about Justin and my children?” I ask him.

“Brian, you need to worry more about what she’s going to do when she finds out you left here to be with Justin. She isn’t going to take it well, because you lied to her about where you went. In her mind it’s okay to lie to you, but not the other way around. Especially because you're giving Justin something she secretly wanted, the house and family she wants from you.” He tells me.

“Justin is about to have a show here in Chicago.” I tell him.

“That wouldn’t be something she’d be happy about, because it would mean she could use the excuses she had for why she never made it. The parallel she draws in her mind about her life and Justin’s will crumble when he out does her at something she didn’t believe he could. Justin shouldn’t be able to accomplish anything she couldn’t. She excused her failure at art because she was too busy partying with you, and sees that as something Justin did just like her. Then she had your child and gave you immortality, but Justin does the same thing and she sees it as though he wanted to be like her, but failed to get you to be a father to your daughter the way Lindsay made you do for Gus.” He tells me.

“I would have been a father to Hannah if I’d known.” I tell him.

“She knew that, and tried to prevent it from happening. When she couldn’t stop Justin she simply made it so you didn’t find out. The thing you need to know is that she isn’t insane, she knows what she’s doing, but in her mind she’s right in everything she does. She wasn’t keeping up with Justin for any reason but to prevent him from getting the things that she feels are rightfully hers. Lindsay isn’t capable of caring about anything. She can make it seem like she cares, but the minute something doesn’t go the way she wants, you deal with the sociopath hiding under Lindsay’s charming, sweet nature. She managed to keep herself in check when you were around but when you weren’t there, she no longer had to be all the things she wanted you to believe she was. Mel told me about the way she spoke to Ted, and it’s classic for someone with this disorder. That Lindsay stayed with Mel as long as she did is unusual, but then Mel was serving a purpose as provider to Lindsay’s whims. Michael most likely amused her and that’s why she left him alone, he didn’t threaten her in any way. She will say she wanted you and Michael together, but in her mind she knows you didn’t want Michael, so she was fine that he was around. She didn’t mind Justin at first because like you said, she could do things to make you dance to her tune and watch Justin being hurt. She isn’t going to know how to deal with Justin getting everything, because in her mind he doesn’t deserve it, she does. Most sociopaths aren’t very good at planning, because they believe they shouldn’t have to work for what they get, it should be handed to them.” He tells me.

“Why did she make it sound like she was doing it for Justin? You make it sound like it’s about me?” I ask him.

“They lie to everyone and themselves. She lied to you because she it suited her purpose. She believes that she was doing something to help Justin. Most sociopaths can pass a lie detector test because they lie without feeling any remorse for the lie.” He tells me.

“Is she going to do anything to put my family in danger?” I ask him.

“In most cases sociopaths don’t really have a plan, because they can’t get organized. She would want to do it in a way that would make it hard for anyone to say she was to blame. If she can find Justin or you, you’ll likely deal with the old Lindsay. She’ll try the same things she did in the past, because it worked.” He tells me.

“It won’t work now, because I wouldn’t do the things I did to Justin in the past.” I tell him.

“Does anyone know where she is?” He asks me.

“She left Mel’s and then Lynette called to tell Mel she wanted Lindsay’s shit out of her house. Other than that, no one knows where she is.” I tell him.

“Do yourself a favor and find out, before she shows up at Justin’s door.” He tells me hanging up.


I went to the new diner and overheard Kevin and Jason saying that Brandon got a job with Brian’s new company. I asked about it and they said that it was announced yesterday in the news, Brian is opening an agency here and in Chicago. I left, pissed that once again Brian didn’t tell me anything. I called Brandon to ask why he didn’t tell me, but got Ted instead.

When I asked if he knew, he told me “Yes, but it was confidential until the announcement in Chicago yesterday. Brian told us not to talk about it.”

“Why would he tell you then?” I ask.

“I work for Brian too.” He tells me, hanging up.

I got back to my apartment and found Lindsay waiting for me. She followed me into my apartment and dropped her bag on my sofa.

“You're not staying with me.” I tell her.

“I thought you might want to go with me to see if we could get Brian to talk to us. No one seems to know where he is.” She tell me.

“Where the fuck do you think he is, it should be pretty obvious by now. He’s most likely up Justin’s ass, like always.” I grumble.

“Why would you say that?” She asks.

“Because Justin is like, Brian’s drug of choice. He can’t see that Justin will never make him happy the way I would. It doesn’t matter that I would give anything to give Brian a child and for us to be married.” I tell her.

“He wouldn’t want you anyway.” I hear her say quietly.

“What do you mean he wouldn’t want me? You were always telling me that Brian and I were perfect for each other.” I ask her.

“Perfect? I doubt I said perfect. You wouldn’t fit in with the people Brian knows. It’s not your fault, you just weren’t raised to be around the people Brian was around in New York. Why do you think he never really invited you to visit him, it wasn’t because he was busy, since Gus and I went there to see him. It’s because you can’t seem to have a conversation about anything that isn’t juvenile. I’ve tried to help you have things in common with Brian, but unlike me, you weren’t raised to understand the social networks that Brian would be in. Now that he’s not working any longer, you might fit in his world again.” She tells me.

“I guess you're behind on the news. Brian opened a business and guess where it is... Chicago. Which is why I said he was likely with Justin.” I tell her.

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