Impossible by starlight


I was sitting in my store reading, while people came in and out. Two guys came in looking at my new stuff, I really didn’t pay attention until I heard them saying something about Brian showing up at Babylon last night. It pissed me off that he went there without me. I had this fantasy of how everyone stared at Brian and me when I returned the king to his throne. Everyone would try to get me to introduce them to Brian. Then Brian would tell them he had the person who'd spend the night with him already, putting his arms around me. I alway smirked when Justin would appear and Brian would leave him standing alone on the dance floor while we danced the night away. Brian would tell me that he knew it was me all along.

Then I heard Justin’s name and managed to pull out of my dream.

“What were you saying?” I ask.

“We were talking about how the two studs seemed to be settling down. Brandon pretty much showed everyone that being with Ted was the only thing he cares about. I heard he's moving because Ted was leaving here, apparently he doesn't want to be anywhere without Ted.” He tells me

“I meant Brian, what were you saying about Brian?” I ask.

“Someone said Brian was there celebrating his marriage to Justin.” He tells me.

I got up and left the store, this can't be true. If he was marrying anyone else, I could deal with it, but not Justin.

“Hey, are you just going to leave this open?” The guy asks me, when he followed me out.

I kicked them out and locked the door before running to the new diner. It was probably someone making up gossip. I walked in, praying that someone would tell me Justin didn't get his claws into Brian.

Justin would never love Brian the way he deserves. He didn’t spend years around Brian the way I did. I would allow Brian to decide everything, while I supported him. We’d be the couple everyone wished they were. Gus would have me to show him everything he needed to be to make Brian proud of him, and if Brian wanted more children, we'd do it together.  

I saw Jason about to go in and stopped him to see if he heard the bullshit.

“Yes, but it's not bullshit. Brandon was there when they got married.” He tells me.

I walked off, not knowing where to go. Brian ruined everything. I got to my apartment and fell on the couch, crying. My whole life was wasted because of Justin Fucking Taylor. What was so special about the asshole that Brian would want him? I kept trying to think of something about him that made him the one Brian always ran after. I know I made a mistake leaving with David, but Brian was leaving and I didn't want to be alone. Brian must have given up on me, thinking I didn’t love him. He should have known it was always him, but that David was just so I had someone until Brian was ready. Brian will realize marrying Justin is a mistake, and I'll be ready, but it didn't stop the pain.


Michael came in, slumping on the couch as if the world was ending. I watched him, not really wanting to bother with his tantrums, but he never suffers alone. I really wonder how it must feel to spend your entire life being a loser. He could have had it all if he hadn't fucked up with David. He kept hoping for something that would never happen, not that he seemed to know what everyone else did. Michael wouldn't fit into the world Brian was in. Brian needed someone who understood the what to do. How to host dinner parties and impress people with conversations. Conversations that didn't involve kids comics, or the latest news of Babylon.

It was the one thing that bothered me about Justin at first. He grew up in my world. He knew how to act, because that’s all there is in our world. I used to enjoy watching Brian walk away anytime it seemed like Justin expected too much. Brian wasn’t going to be tied down to a kid, not when I was waiting to give him the life he needed in order to show everyone he’d made it. We had a son and I was someone he could show off.

Justin’s art distracted me from Brian for a while. I had to watch Justin create these works of art that no matter how hard I tried to recreate, never looked anything like what Justin seem to be able to do without it even looking like it was hard for him. It wasn’t until one day when I told Lynnette about Justin, that I started to see that Brian kept Justin around because it was the closest to me he could get.

“Lindsay, did you hear me?” Michael yells.

“Sorry I was lost in thought, what has you crying?” I asked, hoping that it wasn’t some stupid superhero.

“Brian and Justin got married.” He tells me.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked, thinking I misheard him.

“They fucking got married. How could he want Justin when I was supposed to be the one he married.” Michael tells me.

“He was supposed to marry me!” I screamed at him.

“What are you talking about, he wouldn’t marry you. He never saw you as anything but some college girl who couldn’t get it out of her head that he didn’t want you.” Michael sneers at me.

“You think he wanted someone like you? You can’t even talk without showing anyone near you that you barely made it out of school. Everything about you screams low class. Brian would have had to make excuses for you everywhere you went, whenever you opened your mouth and said something that made people look down on Brian. I will never understand why he let you stay, when he could have left you behind.” I tell him.

“I guess he felt you were too low class too, since HE MARRIED JUSTIN. At least Justin can draw, and has a dick.” He smirks.

My vision went red, I wanted him to disappear for daring to say that anything about Justin was better than me in any way. I grabbed Michael’s hair and pulled him off the couch, trying to tear his hair out. He was screaming, but I couldn’t hear what he said. I felt him hit me, but right now I couldn’t feel anything and wanted to inflict pain on him for making me doubt myself. He tried to shove me off him, but I had such a hold of him that he fell forward with me. I turned us over so I was sitting on top of him. He tried to block the hits, but I just hit him anywhere I could reach, he couldn’t stop me. I stood up, trying to kick him, but he grabbed my foot. I picked up one of his dolls and used it like a hammer. I kept seeing Justin under me, and wanted to punish him for daring to think he could have Brian.

Michael got the doll away from me and shoved me back. Then he tried to kick me, but I moved before he connected and watched as he fell back and hit his head on end table, lying still. He was still breathing, but the neighbor was yelling that she called the police. I grabbed my things and left while the neighbor tried to follow me, asking what the hell we were doing. I didn’t answer, because I needed to leave before anyone found me.


I laid next to Justin, trying to find a solution to where we were going to live when we got back to Chicago. There was nothing to keep us there after Lindsay broke into Justin’s house. I called my attorney and explained what Lindsay did, and that Mel was in agreement that Gus should stay with me. Lindsay’s behavior was proving unstable, and with Mel’s agreement it was really just waiting for a judge to sign off on returning my rights. The only issue was where we would live. Jen had sent listings for us to look at, but we hadn’t yet because we didn’t see any reason when we were fine at Justin’s house.

My phone started going off, so I grabbed it and went to see what I could feed Justin. I answered Jen, likely wanting to know if we were still breathing after being out of contact all day.

“Lindsay was at Michael’s apartment. Before you ask, no they didn’t catch her. She and Michael had a knock down fight and the neighbors called the police. Michael woke up, apparently they found out you two were married.” She tells me.

“I’ll be there to get Gus and Hannah. I still own my apartment in New York, no one gets in without my permission.” I tell her.

I left Justin asleep and went to pick up the kids. I wanted all of them away from any possibility of running into Lindsay. I was worried more about Gus, because we haven't told him about Lindsay. If she showed up, Gus wouldn’t think twice about going with her. When I got there Jen was putting all the kids things in a bag and grabbed the file for the houses she told me she’d found. Deb showed up while I was there and let me know that other than a bump on the head, he was fine. She told me he was asking for me, but to ignore it if he found a way to contact me. I called Cynthia to arrange the flight so we could leave as soon as possible. We got to the loft and Gus ran ahead with the key to open the door. I was following behind them when Gus asked why I left the door open.

I ran to the door, keeping the kids outside and yelled for Justin. The loft was trashed and Justin wasn’t answering me. I called the police while trying Justin’s phone, which kept going to voicemail. When the police arrived I took the children outside and continued trying Justin’s phone.


I woke up to a note from Brian, saying he was picking up the kids and would be back. I slept the whole day away, but lately we’d been running all over the place and sleep wasn’t something I got a lot of. I grabbed my wallet and decided to run to the corner store and get something to make for a late lunch. I was standing in line when police cars started passing by and everyone stopped what they were doing to pay attention to that. When It was my turn, it took the girl forever to ring me up because they were all trying to figure out what happened outside. I walked out and noticed the police cars stopped up near the loft and wasn’t paying attention, it’s the only reason she surprised me. I was shoved into her car, leaving my bags all over the place. She just jumped in and took off before I could get up.

I was waiting for her to have to stop and when she did, the doors and windows wouldn’t open.

“Don’t bother, I have the child locks in place. You aren’t going to keep having the things that belong to me.” She tells me, almost hitting a car at the intersection.

“He doesn’t want you, and I sure as hell don’t need to copy anything about you.” I tell her.

“I used to feel sorry for you. You couldn’t see where your future was headed, I could, since everything about your life was all the mistakes I made in mine. You should have been happy with your life, and not tried to take the one thing that was mine and only mine.” She tells me.

“Lindsay, where in your head did you see your relationship with a very gay man going? Brian was never going to wake up one day and realize his mother was right, and that being gay was just a phase. It wasn’t a choice for him, he loves men.” I tell her.

“It never stopped him from sleeping with me. You’re wrong if you don’t believe that he could want the life I could give him. You know, at one time I really thought you could be in our lives for when Brian got the itch, but you had to have that child. If you hadn’t done that, I would have ignored anything you and Brian did, as long as it was understood who stood at his side.” She tells me.

“Where are we going, you do realize that you're the first person people are going to be looking for. Nothing you do is going to bring Brian running to you.” I tell her.

“He’ll get over you the way he did when he left. I’ll be there to show him what he did with you was a mistake. He didn’t even ask about you, because he never loved you. How did it feel to know that he answered all my calls and sent for me when he wanted company in New York. He never left me out of his life.” She tells me, turning on the interstate.

“He answered when Michael called, so you weren’t the only one. How were you sure he cared you were there, and it wasn’t just Gus he wanted to see. You strangled him when it came to Gus, if he wanted to see his son you made sure he had to deal with you. When you think about it, possibly Michael was who he wanted. Why would he talk to Michael if you were everything you believed you were? You weren’t around to see the way Michael and Brian were when we were out.” I tell her, hoping to confuse her.

“I guess Brian didn’t tell you that he barely bothered with Michael. Most of the time it was only when Deb called him to see how he was. Michael would use it as an opportunity to get Brian to talk to him. He turned down any reason Michael used when he wanted to visit, because Michael wouldn’t have fit in the world that Brian was living in. Brian never turned me down.” She tells me.

“It’s something we have in common, finally. He never turned me down either.” I tell her.

Lindsay swerved and I knew I was getting to her. I wanted to get her to stop so I could kick her ass. She seems to think because she’s a woman we won’t touch her, but then all I see is a crazy bitch who needs to spend some time with her own kind.

“You want to know what made me different from the rest? Brian wanted ME Lindsay. He didn’t fuck me just once, but every chance he got. I didn’t even have to get him drunk for it to happen. Wasn’t that how your little one night stand with Brian happened? He got drunk and stoned and figured your hole was the only one available? I could be wrong, but did he stick around and want seconds or thirds from you, or were you like all his other tricks that he fucked and forgot? I mean you had the opportunity for a repeat when you wanted Gus, but wasn’t it the sperm bank for you? You seem to think because he still talked to you so he could see his son, it meant he wanted to see you. Yet in the entire time, not once did he ask for a repeat of your performance. Yet he’s wanted back in my bed from the first time he saw me.” I tell her, almost smiling at her frown.

“I was too special to treat like a whore.” She mumbles.

“Sounds more to me like you didn’t offer anything he wanted to try again. You know, he loves it when I lick his ass, then get him ready for me. I love the screams he can’t stop when I’m fucking him, the way he never wanted from other people. The way, when we cum he’s still raring to go, and thrusts that big dick in me, knowing I’ll feel it the next day, and then has to fuck me again because he wants me to only remember him. The best times are when we’ve fucked four or five times in a row, then he still needs me to be where he can know I won’t disappear again, so he holds me while we rest. Unlike with you, he waited for me to come back to him, never allowing anyone to be in my place. How did it feel for you to know that if Brian ever saw me, I’d still be the one he wanted?” I ask her.

She turned the car into a field and stopped, getting out screaming, and then made the mistake of going to open the door. I kicked it, so she ended up on the ground. She was going to understand that I wasn’t a whipped little boy for her to keep fucking with. I got out and dragged her by her hair to the trunk. Grabbing the keys she let go of when she was trying to claw me to let her go. I opened the trunk one handed, keeping my hands on her hair and yanking when I just wanted to. She fought me when I was shoving her in, but I managed to get her in and close the trunk. I sat on it while she kicked and screamed, smiling the whole time.

“Shut up, I’m enjoying my honeymoon.” I yelled, hitting the trunk.


You must login (register) to review.