JUSTIN

My mother was waiting for me when Brian left. I sat next to her, hoping she wasn't too upset that I didn’t stick around.

“I know it’s still hard to see the person you once loved, but leaving isn’t going to change how you still feel about him.” She tells me.

“Aren’t you the one who was thrilled when he left?” I asks her.

“Justin, all I saw was that you were doing things you never did. I’m as guilty as Deb in wanting to blame Brian for our sons doing things we didn’t feel they would if it wasn’t for Brian. When he left,  I thought things would be the way they had been between us. It wasn’t Brian that changed my relationship with you, but me, for not accepting who you were.” She tells me.

“I can’t be around him without wishing he loved me the way I love him.” I tell her.

“Whatever the truth is, whether he loves you or not, you can’t move on without finding it out. If nothing else, try to find a way to be friends with Hannah’s father, she needs to see that you are happy that she has Brian in her life. You're not the same people you were when you met each other, find out if what you felt is even a problem for you anymore.” She tells me, kissing my head before going to bed.

Getting up, I left my mom’s house to try to find a way to be friends with Brian. When I got there I stood beside my car looking up at the loft, remembering how I always thought I was special because he let me stay with him for a while.

BRIAN

“It was never really more than four walls.”  I tell him, walking up behind him.

“I guess after a penthouse, your perception changes.” He tells me.

“I thought it would, but it was just more empty spaces to fill.” I tell him.

“Did you ever regret leaving?” He asks.

“Are you asking since I now that I know what I left?” I  ask.

“No, I'm asking did you even care you left?” He asks.

“I didn’t let myself.” I tell him.

“I guess I understand now.” He says, while opening the car door.

“If I did, then I would have had to admit to myself what you were becoming.” I tell him.

“Another burden in your life.” He tells me.  

“Someone who had more power than anyone else in my life. The possibility that I was wrong, and that I did do love.” I tell him.  

“It must have been a relief to not have to admit you were wrong. It's been my burden to know I was right, you were the person I loved more than my life.” He tells me.

“Loved?” I ask.

“I found someone I love more.” He tells me, getting in his car and driving off.

For a second it hurt, but then I remembered Hannah. He gave what I wouldn’t believe in, to our daughter.  

JUSTIN

I kept feeling eyes on me, which meant Hannah was up and waiting on me to get up. I pulled her down next to me.

“Dad, can I ask you a question?”

“You know you can.” I tell her.

“Do you still love my father?” She asks.

“I'll always love him, he gave me you. I just don't think we were meant to be together. I wanted everything from him.” I tell her.

“He didn’t want it from you?” She asks.

“It's think he just thought I was too young to understand what I wanted. One thing you need to know about your father is that he was always willing to do things for other people, even if he was hurt by doing them.” I tell her.

“Maybe it's why he left, he thought you needed him gone.” She tells me.

“It's one way to look at it.” I tell her.

“What's the other?” She asks.

“He might have been afraid of loving me.” I tell her and myself.

“That's kind of silly, you're easy to love.” She tells me.

“It's because you make it easy for me to do.” I tell her.

“Then I'll make it easier for him.” She tells me. “Do you think he's going to come today?” She asks.

“I think he wants you to meet your brother, so he needs to see Gus first.” I tell her.

“Gus is such a weird name.” She tells me.

“Be nice, I picked it.” I tell her.

“What other name did they want?” She asks.

“Abraham was the other choice.” I tell her.

“I bet he's glad you didn't pick it. Abe is just asking to be picked on.” She tells me.

“I thought so too. I guess great minds think alike.” I tell her.

BRIAN

I called Mel asking to have Gus ready and outside when I got there. She agreed, but seemed confused that I didn’t want to come in. When I got there Lindsay was standing on the porch glaring when I ignored her.

“Gus, go ahead and get in the car. I need to talk to Brian.” Mel tells him.

“You mean my Dad.” Gus asks, getting in without waiting for an answer.

“Sorry, he’s been defensive about what I call you.” She tells me.

“I think it’s more wanting me to be called what I am.” I tell her.

“You want to tell me why you and Lindsay are trading glares?” She asks.

“She isn’t as happy as I am that Justin had my daughter.” I tell her.

“When did that happen?” She asks.

“Seven years ago. I'm sure you heard all about the ‘confusion’ over who the father was.” I tell her.

“So you were able to prove the baby was yours?” She asks.

“If I knew Justin was pregnant, it was pretty much a given it was mine. He didn’t need to prove it to me, because I was the only possibility.  If it wasn't enough, then I would have known the minute I saw her.” I tell her.

“We never seen her, Justin seemed to not want us around after you left.” She tells me.

“I'm sure it makes you feel better thinking that, I mean otherwise you might have to tell yourself the truth that you didn’t give a shit about him.” I tell him.

“I wasn’t the one who vanished, you were.” She tells me.

“So in your mind he no longer existed either?” I ask.

“Brian, he stopped talking to us.” She tells me.

“I guess he would when Lindsay tried to pay him to get rid of the baby.” I tell her, getting in my car with Gus and leaving.

“Dad, are you mad at my moms?” Gus asks.

“It's not important, I need to bring you to meet someone.” I tell him.

“Who?”

“Someone I used to know, and his daughter and mine.” I tell him.

“I have a sister, how come you never told me?” He asks.

“l didn't know until recently. I lost touch with Justin.” I tell him.

“The guy that named me?” He asks.

“You remember him?” I ask.

“No, Mama told me about how I got my name. She said the guy's name was Justin, but Dad, they said he had someone else's kid.” He tells me.

“He didn’t, he had my daughter. She's going to be a part of our lives, so I want you to meet her.” I tell him.

“So she's like the baby Mama's having?” He asks.

“Mama is having a baby?” I ask.

“They didn’t tell you?” He asks.

“No, I haven't really given them a chance to.” I tell him.

“Uncle Michael thought it was great that you and him would be fathers together.” He tells me.

“We aren’t going to be fathers together, because he isn’t your father, like I’m not going to be their new baby’s father.” I tell him.

“He and Mom thought you would be happy about it.” He tells me.

“I’m not sure why they thought I needed to be happy about it.” I tell him.

“Do you think Justin will remember me?” He asks, as we get to Jen’s.

“He loved being around you, he was always asking to babysit you.” I tell him.

JUSTIN

I opened the door and saw Gus. Not seeing him had been the worst part of everything that happened. I could tell he didn’t remember me, and I didn’t want it to hurt that he didn’t, but it did.

“I’m Gus.” He tells me.

“It’s nice to meet you again.” I tell him.

“My Dad said that I have a sister.” He tells me.

“Do you want to meet her?” I ask him.

“I guess so, I mean it would have been neat to have a brother, but I’ll settle for a sister.” He tells me, giving me Brian’s smirk.

I led Gus to the backyard where Hannah was trying to play catch with Emmett. I was just happy that Emmett was keeping the commentary G rated. There were just so many things he could have said about balls flying at him.

“She plays baseball?” Brian asks.

“She’s into any sport, right now she’s interested in soccer and track, but there isn’t a team for her age in track right now. She’s planning on trying out for the swim team.” I tell him.

“Can I play?” Gus asks Hannah.

“Please do, I love balls, but Hannah seems to think I need them flying at my head.” Emmett tells him.

“Aunty Em, you could catch them if you would keep you eyes on the ball.” Hannah tells him.

“I always keep my eye on the ball.” Emmett tells her, laughing.

“Why do I always get the feeling I’m missing something?” Hannah asks Gus.

“Adults always say stuff no one gets.” Gus tells her.

“Hi Daddy.” Hannah waves at Brian.

“Hannah, this is Gus.” I tell her when Brian seems to be having a hard time saying anything.

“Hi. Daddy said that he was going to bring you to meet me.” She tells Gus.

“Do you want to play?” Gus asks.

“Can you at least catch a ball? I have a soccer ball to if you want to do that.” She tells him.

“We can do both.” Gus tells her.

Emmett was tilting his head toward the house when I turned to see where Brian was. I went in, knowing Emmett would stay with Hannah. Brian was staring out the window at Gus and Hannah.

“She’s always wanted to call you that.” I tell him.

“I made sure she couldn’t.” He tells me.

“I guess that hasn’t changed about you. Always ready to be the one we blame.” I tell him.

“Isn’t that what you're doing, blaming me for not being there when you and Hannah needed me?” He asks me.

“Emmett told you?” I ask.

“I asked him to tell me what you don’t seem to want to.” He tells me.

“It wasn’t something that I like to remember. Unlike when Gus was born, I didn’t get to hold Hannah. She was too fragile. It was hard not to blame myself.” I tell him.

“Why were you blaming yourself?” He asks, looking at me.

“We were doing things that I shouldn’t have been when I was pregnant.” I tell him.

“Justin, did you know before I left?” I ask.

“No, I didn’t know until about a month after, by then I was was already three months. I was drinking and doing drugs when I was pregnant.” He tells me.

“That’s why you wouldn’t take anything through the rest of your pregnancy?” He asks.

“I didn’t want to do anything more than I already had to hurt her.” I tell him.

“What did the doctor say was the reason.” He asks.

“That it can happen to anyone.” I tell him.

“Then like me, you seem to be blaming yourself for something that you didn’t do.” He tells me.

“I guess I might have learned something from you.” I tell him.