BRIAN

Gus was asking when we could see Hannah again. It seemed that a brother wasn’t necessary when the sister he had could play harder than any boy he knew.

“She’s pretty neat for a girl.” He tells me.

“I think she thought you were okay for a boy.” I tell him, happy that they took to each other.

“Are you and Justin together?” He asks me.

“I don’t know yet.” I tell him.

“He let you kiss him, so how come you don’t know?” He asks.

“When I moved away, I didn’t stay in contact with him. I wanted him to have a life he wanted.” I tell him.

“He didn’t want one with you?” He asks me.

“He did, but I thought he would be better off without me.” I tell him.

“You grown ups make everything complicated.” He tells me.

“Really, why do you think that?” I ask him.

“Would it have really hurt to talk to him?” He asks me.

“When did you become so grown up yourself? I think I worried it would hurt me.” I tell him.

“Because you loved him?” He asks.

“Because I knew I could love him.” I tell him, pulling up to the house.

“Are you coming in?” He asks.

“No, I don’t think your mom and I are seeing eye to eye on things right now.” I tell him, getting out to help him get his bag.

“Hi Mama.” Gus yells, as he grabs his things.

“Did you have fun today?” She asks.

“I got to meet Justin and Hannah. Hannah plays all sorts of sports and stuff. She’s really cool for a girl.” Gus tells her.

“Why don’t you go in and put your stuff away. I need to talk to Br…, your father.” She tells him.

“Mel, I don’t have time to listen to any excuses. There isn’t anything you could say that I would want to listen to.” I tell her.

“Lindsay wanted Justin to stay away from you.” She tells me.

“What the hell did Justin do, other than have a child that wasn’t hers?” I ask her.

“It wasn’t Justin, it was you. She hated that you could distract Justin from the future he should have.” She tells me.

“Which makes what I did, what she wanted. So why did she want him to get rid of Hannah?” I ask her.

“Justin would never be free of you if Hannah was born.” She tells me.

“She’s didn’t understand one thing, I was never free of Justin. It didn’t matter how many years I stayed away from him, all it took was seeing him to know I made a mistake in who I let stay in my life. It’s a mistake that I don’t plan to make again.” I tell her getting in the car. “By the way, I heard congratulations are in order. Interesting choice of father.” I tell her.

“He’ll never give us the problems you did.” She tells me.

“My loving Gus was a problem for you? I feel sorry for the next one if being loved is considered a problem.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

Charles and Emmett showed up early to spend time with Hannah, before dinner.

“You've got that look.” Charles tells me.

“I don’t know if I want to try again.” I tell him.

“Then don’t, continue to live your life. He doesn’t have to be more than Hannah’s father.” Charles tells me.

“It's like no matter how many years have passed, nothing has changed how I felt about him.” I tell him.

“Justin, have you ever thought that part of it was because when he left you never knew what you were to him, so your mind clung to the idea that your story with him was unfinished?” He asks.

“To me it was never even started.” I tell him.

“It started because you have Hannah. Find out if he is the person your mind built him up to be.” He tells me.

“He was a God in my head.” I tell him.

“Then find a way to see he's just a man, because that's something no one can live up to.” He tells me.

BRIAN

Emmett had me meet them at the restaurant, he smirked, telling me he’d find a way that I drove Justin home tonight.

“Brian, meet Charles. Charles, this is Brian.” Emmett tells us.

“I can see where Hannah gets her looks from.” Charles tells me.

“The smile is all Justin. Although her love of sports had to come from me.” I tell him.

“I hate running, it's like the minute she was on her feet, it meant run to her.” Justin groans.

“Justin was constantly worried Hannah would be behind, but our baby wanted to do things, so she kept at it until she accomplished her goals.” Emmett tells me.

“Remember when we couldn’t figure out how she always had a full bottle every morning.” Justin tells Emmett laughing.

“Justin and I at first thought one of us must have been doing it, then one morning I got up early and watched her load milk on her high chair then pushing it up to the sink. She climbed up got the half gallon in the sink with her bottle and filled it without spilling it everywhere.” He tells me.

“That chair became a pain in the ass when she discovered it could reach anything.” Justin tells me.

“At least, like Brian, she wasn't eating junk food.” Emmett tells us.

“I noticed she didn’t get your love of crap foods.” I tell Justin.

“Wait until her birthday, it's always hard to get her to eat a cake.” Justin tells me.

“I guess you'll have to tell me when it is.” I tell them.

“I guess I have a lot to tell you.” Justin tells me.

“Brian will know as time goes by, he has a lot of years to catch up on. He can't expect that your life stood still while he was gone.” Charles tells him, looking at me as if warning me.

When Charles got up to go to the bathroom, I followed. I wanted to know why he seemed less warm towards me then Emmett. Emmett I could understand, but not someone who doesn't know me.

“Is there a problem?” I ask.

“I guess you could say I'm not certain of you. A lot of what I know doesn’t have me seeing you in a good light. Which isn’t your fault, but mine.” He tells me.

“How did you come up with that?” I ask.

“By hearing Emmett talk about how Justin was before you left. It was as if he was telling me about this person who was ready to take on the world. The Justin I know only risks things when it comes to his art, it's the only time I see him as Emmett described him.” He tells me.

“He was an amazing artist when I knew him.” I tell him.

“He’s going to be one of the best, I've had the honor of knowing. It's just he never risks anything if it involves his personal life.” He tells me.

“I can’t change that I left.” I tell him.

“But you can help him understand why you having contact with him wasn't possible. Brian, he knew that there were certain people you still let in your life. If you wanted him to believe he wasn’t important to you, that was accomplished.” He tells me, leaving to go back.

JUSTIN

Emmett really thinks I don't know he planned it so I'd have to go home with Brian. Like it wasn’t obvious when he practically shoved me in Brian’s car.

“You know Emmett and subtle have never meet.” Brian tells me.

“I planned to let you drive me home.” I tell him.

“Why is that, Mr Taylor?” He asks.

“Hannah wanted to see you.” I tell him.

“Is that the only reason?” He asks.

“I thought we could talk about Hannah. I'm sure you have things you want to know about her.” I tell him.

“I want to know a lot of things, not just about Hannah.” He tells me.

“My life is a series of what Hannah needs and wants.” I tell him.

“What about your needs and wants?” He asks.

“What about them, nothing matters to me if she isn't happy.” I tell him.

“You can't live your life through Hannah. It's the mistake Deb makes with Michael. She stopped living her own life, and made everything about him.” I tell him.

“Stop the car.” I tell him, angry.

“Justin, I'm not stopping in the middle of Pittsburgh.” I tell him.

BRIAN

“You find a place or I’ll get out at the next light.” He tells me seriously.

I pulled into a parking lot and Justin got out slamming my door. I got out to see why he was suddenly so angry.

“Can you tell me why you’re so pissed?” I ask.

“Don’t ever compare me to a woman who raised her son to be a whiny, petulant child, one who never does anything that can’t be blamed on someone else. Unlike her, I know Hannah makes mistakes and I teach my daughter to own up to them. I won’t let her become that asshole. You don’t get to make any judgements on how I raise Hannah, because you gave up the right by cutting us out of your life and keeping Michael in it. You must not mind the way he turned out, since you still answered when he called.” He tells me.

“If I had known why you were trying to get ahold of me, I would have been there.” I tell him.

“That’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told me and yourself. Opening a letter wouldn’t have changed anything. Reading it didn’t mean you had to feel obligated to me.” He tells me.

“Opening anything you sent would have made me find a way to keep you.” I tell him.

“Sorry if I find that hard to believe. You ran and kept running when you didn’t want things to be any way but how you wanted them. I didn’t have the option of running away, because I refused to be you. I want to love and be loved, but not like your best friends, who only love someone unless it takes you from them. Do you know how hard it was when your best friend told me that you were a selfish prick who would never give me what I wanted? Having to watch you and Michael fawn over each other, and only being told you wouldn’t love me? To get the crumbs in your life, because you liked fucking me, but there was no way you could at least tell me I had a place in your life, other than as the twink who wouldn’t leave. So I got the message when you left, and didn’t answer me. I understand that I will never be as important to you as Michael or Lindsay, so do me a fucking favor don’t ever accuse me of being anything like Deb when it comes to Hannah. I would never want Hannah to be anything like the man you found more important than me.” He tells me walking towards the street.

“Justin, that’s not what I meant.” I tell him.

“You know, I always thought Michael coined that phrase, but maybe he just learned it from you.” He tells me.

“I always thought you were better than someone who only hears what they want to.” I sneer.

“I listened to every unanswered call, so I heard you loud and clear. Hannah is waiting for you, go at least make sure she knows you want her.” He tells me getting in a cab.

“Justin, at least let me drive you home.” I tell him.

“Home isn’t Pittsburgh anymore, your family made sure of that for me.” He tells me closing the door.

How did it get so fucked up tonight? I just didn’t like the way he was describing a life that didn’t include living it. I drove to Jen’s house and could see she was wondering where Justin was. Instead of saying anything I went upstairs to see Hannah. She was already asleep, so I stayed for a while just to watch her. I kept hoping Justin would come home but after an hour, I knew that I would have to wait until he calmed down to try again. Jen was sitting in the living room, watching TV. Jen and I really didn’t have a relationship when I left so I didn’t really see talking to her, but she waved me over.

“I’m assuming something happened?” She asks.

“He’s not happy with me right now.” I tell her.

“I can listen and maybe help you out.” She tells me.

“Out the door?” I ask her.

“Brian, it wasn’t you as much as it was wanting my relationship with Justin to be what it once was. If it hadn’t been you, I don’t want to think what could have happened to him when he first ventured out. So thank you for keeping him from what could have happened. Now that I’ve said that, what happened?” She asks.

“He was talking about how everything was about Hannah, as if he couldn’t see that he needed to want things too.” I tell her.

“And?”

“I told him, he couldn’t be like Deb, who smothered Michael. I didn’t say smothered, just that Justin couldn’t live through Hannah the way Deb does with Michael.” I tell her.

“You had to pick the one person Justin promised himself he’d never be to Hannah. Brian, one of the things that Justin makes sure of is that Hannah understands that when she does something wrong, there is no one to blame but herself. He told me once that watching Deb blame everyone for Michael’s difficulties allowed him to become, and please know these are Justin’s exact words, ‘the useless whining asshole Michael is’.” She tells me.

“Justin never liked Michael.” I tell her.

“What’s to like about him? I know he’s a friend of yours but I just never saw what everyone else did about Michael. You know when he had that party that you and the rest of the gang attended with Deb? The next day Deb was at my door trying to figure out why he treated her as if she wasn’t good enough to be around the people Michael was meeting. I can agree that what you guys did was over the top, but not him saying she was an embarrassment in front of the whole party. It was the first time Deb ever seemed to see that Michael wasn’t the son she believed he was, but all it took was him showing up and all was forgotten without him having to do anything. Justin and Emmett have both said that was how everything for Michael was. It just left me wondering how someone like you who faced things, ended up with a friend who does anything but face his actions.” She tells me.

“Being away from him and Deb, made me face how little any of us made Michael deal with anything. It made it harder for me to overlook his constant need for my attention. I think we all were so used to giving in to Michael, that no one ever thought much about it. Justin did, but he never let Michael get to him.” I tell her.

“I think he still wouldn’t, but if it involves Hannah, you're dealing with Justin, the father, and that is someone you are meeting for the first time. My advice if you want it is, like I told Justin, get to know you as you are now, get to know him for who he is now. Justin can’t seem to get past being in love with you, but then, you stood still in time for him as the person he loved who wouldn’t love him.” She tells me.

“Justin got that part wrong, I would and could love him.” I tell her going to the door.

“You left it unanswered when you went on with your life, make him listen to you.” She tells me.

“If he’d listened with more than his ears, he would have known it eight years ago. Of course, I made it impossible for him to hear me.” I tell her closing the door.