JUSTIN

I asked the cab driver to just drive around Liberty Avenue. Since I came back I’ve avoided this part of Pittsburgh. This was the place I found myself and lost everything. I asked him to stop when he was passing by the diner. There was Deb, leaning on the counter talking to Michael and a group of guys. I didn’t need to see the new group of men she could blame for Michael being Michael. I paid the cab driver and got out, looking again before turning to walk away. I really acted like an asshole to Brian, all because my life did sound like Deb’s. I walked by Woody’s and kept going, not looking at the guys standing around.

“Justin?” I hear behind me.

“Ted. It’s been a while. I’m surprised you aren’t in the diner.” I tell him, not turning but continuing down the street.

“I figured out the diner should have been a place I remembered, not a place that I stayed forever in.” He tells me, catching up to walk beside me.

“Got tired of being Michael’s bitch?” I ask, not looking at him.

“I want more in my life then the same three places, or conversations that never change regardless of who was no longer around.” He tells me.

“He was gone but never forgotten, at least someone was.” I tell him.

“Justin, don’t take this wrong, but you’ve never been someone I thought whined.” Ted tells me.

“Lately I can’t seem to find a way not to sound like Michael. Which really makes me wonder if Brian was right tonight.” I tell him.

“Don’t go that far, even at your worst you couldn’t win the Whiner of Liberty Avenue award from Michael.” He tells me, laughing.

“Thanks for that one, it’s the only thing Michael outdid anyone in.” I tell him.

“Care to tell me why you're wandering the street, most likely thrilling all the boys?” He asks.

“I fought with Brian, nothing new there.” I tell him.

“Normally you two fight and Brian fucks the angry out of you both, so it’s definitely new to see you here wandering around.” He tells me.

“He compared the way I’m raising Hannah to the way Deb raised Michael, and it pissed me off. I keep forgetting he has no idea what my life is like.” I tell him, stopping at a new diner that wasn’t here when I left. “Want to go in, we could at least sit?” I ask him.

“Why not, maybe it’s time I actually get to know you.” He tells me, sitting in a booth.

“Hey, they have tuna on the menu.” I tell him, smiling.

“Maybe it’s time to try new things, branch out of the box I’ve lived in.” He tells me.

“Hannah, never orders the same thing twice, it’s like she thinks she’ll miss something if she doesn’t try new things. And yes, I’m the father who can’t not talk about my daughter.” I tell him.

“Hannah’s her name?” He asks.

“I always liked it when Mel mentioned it once. When I had Hannah, it seemed to fit her.” I tell him.

“So the walking around is because you wonder if maybe you shouldn’t have reacted so badly to what Brian said?” He asks me.

“I just don’t want to go back to my mother’s house angry, but it’s not like I have a lot of places to go.” I tell him.

“Justin, it sounds like you need to talk to Brian and give him a chance to explain why he would say something like that to you.” Ted tells me.

“He said it because I don’t really do anything but raise Hannah and work for Emmett’s partner.” I tell him,

“I met Charles, Emmett really did well with him.” I tell Justin.

“Emmett deserves the best in life.” I tell him.

“He does, and I’m glad that he was able to find someone who loves him. It’s something we all wanted.” He tells me.

“Not all of us.” I tell him.

“Brian wanted it, he just didn’t trust in love. Justin, if Brian loved anyone, I believe it was you.” He tells me.

“It’s just less than believable, when he stopped talking to me as soon as he left.” I tell him.

“I've never been one to take Brian’s side on anything, but you were barely eighteen, even I thought it was a good idea to let you see the world without wearing Brian colored glasses.” He tells me.

“He didn’t control me.” I tell him.

“No, you were capable of making your own decisions, it's just you didn’t seem to be as into all the things you were doing. Justin, you can't tell me you liked never knowing if Brian would be home.” He tells me.

“I can’t say much when I was just as bad about who I ended up with after a night out. Then it was fun, and I didn’t mind as long as Brian didn’t act like a shit all night. Which only happened when Michael was baiting him about me.” I tell him.

“You handled Michael’s jealousy, or it least you never seemed like it bothered you.” He tells me.

“My sister could deal with Michael at five, which was still a little above Michael’s age group.” I tell him.

“Tell me how you really feel.”

“I never hated Michael, not the way he seemed to hate me, it’s just, it was like talking to a child. All conversations centered around comics and Brian’s latest and greatest. I love Brian, but he wasn’t really that interesting. In a way he was like Michael, only Brian was all about sex and the next trick. For me there just had to be more to life than an endless party.” I tell him.

“Justin, until you came along Brian didn’t have a reason to have anything else. None of us did. You came, and at least for me, I saw the person I never was. I always saw you as fearless, which Charles tells me isn’t who you are anymore.” He tells me.

“In my work I’ll take anyone on, but I couldn’t raise Hannah with a series of men running through my house. It was what I had to do for Hannah.” I tell him.

“Hopefully you’ll take this better from me. Deb did that and look where she is now. She chases Michael around trying to be included in anything Michael is doing. I don’t know what caused you and Brian to fight, but I could see him not liking that you didn’t at least find something outside of Hannah. He always thought you would do great things in anything you decided to do. When he talked about you it was always as if he was in awe of the way you never seemed to stop wanting to do more and experience everything. Unlike Brian, you never hid who you were from your parents. It was something he was never able to do, tell them that the son they hated had another reason for them to hate him more.” He tells me.

“He did tell his father.” I tell him.

“Only when the man was dying, and really, when you think about it, what difference would it have made for Jack to know. Deb really should have left that one alone, I always thought that was more self-serving on Deb’s part.” He tells me.

“Really? She seemed to think it would help Jack understand Brian, at least that was what I got when she told him.” I tell him.

“Why would Brian need the asshole who abused him to understand anything about him? A blind person could see that was a train wreck waiting to happen. I think it just made her acceptance look better to Brian.” He tells me.

“That’s a slight change of tune, coming from you.” I tell him.

“I stopped not seeing the things that were there in front of my face. Deb isn’t supermom, she doles out her love based on if we do what she wants. She always wants to be the one we come to, as if she has all the answers. She isn’t evil, just not necessarily the person she thinks she is.” He tells me.

“Emmett said the same thing after the whole Michael thing.” I tell him.

“What actually happened?” He asks me.

“We were eating with my mom. Emmett saw Michael picking up a to go order and started to go over to say hi. Michael saw us and came over to say hi to Emmett, then he saw me with Hannah. He stood over me saying that I was a whore for screwing around on Brian. Emmett told him to leave, but Michael seemed to want me to know that I never deserved anything from Brian for having someone else’s bastard. When he lifted his hand as if to slap me, Emmett turned to him and knocked his ass to the ground, then hit him again when Michael asked if Emmett was the fucker I cheated with. When the police came they asked Emmett if he wanted to press charges and Emmett said he just wanted Michael away from Hannah and me. If Hannah hadn’t been in my arms, the story would have been different.” I tell him.

“If Brian ever finds that out we might be visiting Michael’s grave.” He tells me.

“Or expect us to all find a way to excuse Michael.” I tell him.

“Justin, Brian would have killed anyone who hurt you, even Michael.” He tells me.

“I never saw it that way.” I tell him.

“He knew you wouldn’t appreciate him treating you like you couldn’t take care of yourself. You didn’t need him to fight your battles, for him you were probably the only peace he got from everyone wanting him to solve everything.” He tells me.

“You know Ted, you never seemed like you thought anything about Brian was worth your time.” I tell him.

“At that time, I was dealing with my own jealousy issues. I might have hated the way Michael idolized Brian, but I paid attention and saw what was going on.” He tells me.

“I think I need to go see Brian, he doesn’t deserve the hot and cold treatment I’ve been giving him. I tell myself that he loved me, but somehow I can’t make myself believe it.” I tell him, paying the bill.

“I don’t think he knew he was in love, just that you were more than anyone else in his life.” He tells me.

“I understand why Emmett misses you. It’s strange that we never really talked to each other.” I tell him.

“You were busy becoming a King, while I was still old reliable Ted.” He tells me.

“Emmett never saw you as anything but his best friend. If I have to stop whining like Michael, you have to stop letting what Michael said about you mean anything.” I tell him, hailing a cab.

“Do you think he's willing to forgive me?” Ted asks.

“He only waited for you to call him, that's something he hasn't forgiven you for, not calling.” I tell him.

BRIAN

I sat on my sofa with a bottle almost gone, and other than get me drunk, it didn't do anything. When the buzzer went off I glared at it for daring to make noise. I waited because it should go off again without stopping if it's one of the two assholes who need to get a fucking life. It buzzed again but stopped, so I felt the person deserved a thank you for knowing how to ring a buzzer. I let whoever it was in, and opened the door, going back to finish what I started tonight.

“Reliving your youth?” Justin asks, taking the bottle out of my hands.

“Hoping that bottle could rewind my life.” I tell him, grinning.

“Nope, just make you wish you never drank it tomorrow.” He tells me.

“Why not? It's not like I have anything to do with the rest of my life.” I tell him.

“What are you talking about?” He asks.

“I accomplished everything I set out to do, now I'm untethered to anything.” I tell him.

“I'm still not understanding. “ He tells me.

“I'm retired, don’t have a reason to work.” I tell him.

“It was everything you wanted.” He tells me.

“Sure, if being rich was all I wanted. I think I'm cursed.” I tell him.

“Being rich isn't a curse.” He tells me.

“Never being able to get close to anyone because there was only one person for me, trust me, it's a curse.” I tell him, getting up to see if there was anything to eat.

“Sit down before you fall down, I doubt cooking ever made it into your skill set.” He tells me, looking through my cabinets.

“Why bother, you were the one who did that.” I tell him, falling in a chair.

“I wasn’t there to do that for you.” He tells me.

“All because of unopened mail.” I tell him, frowning.

“All because I didn’t try harder.” He tells me.

“Wait, you're not doing this right.” I tell him.

“Doing what right? I think we need to sober you up.” He tells me.

“The game, you know, blame Brian. Everyone plays it, you just never tried. It's easy, you fuck up, and find some way it's my fault. Lindsay is still playing it. I'm sure Michael would if I'd call him.” I tell him.

“How is she playing?” He asks, kneeling in front of me.

“She thinks that all I do is ruin your chances at fame.” I tell him.

“Bullshit, she thinks I'm ruining her chances of being the only one to have your baby.” He tells me.

“You're the only one I would ever want to have my baby.” I tell him.

“Then you got what you wanted, because Hannah’s here.” He tells me.

“I hate Lindsay for what she did, but I can’t hate Gus.” I tell him.

“He's too special for you to hate. He's the best part of you.” He tells me.

“Just like you once were, and Hannah is.” I tell him.

“Was I?” He asks.

“You gave me a life, but I didn’t know I was ready.” I tell him.

“You think you are now?” He asks.

“I've always been, I just didn’t think you were.” I tell him.

“You know, maybe instead of trying to find food, it's time for bed.” Justin tells me, pulling me up and walking my toward my bedroom.

“I can't sleep there.” I tell him.

“Why not?” He asks.

“You're not there.” I tell him.

“Then we both get in and see if you can sleep there again.” He tells me, taking off my shirt and pants.

“Okay.” I tell him, laying down.

I waited until he called his mom and then laid down to pull him on my chest. “You've always been the only one I wanted touching me when I slept.” I tell him.

“Why?”

“I trusted you not to hurt me.” I tell him, closing my eyes.