Christmas Gifts




“So I’ll make the usual donations to the food bank, Vic Grassi House and the GLB Christmas fund,” Ted said as he wrapped up his December financial meeting with his boss, one Brian Kinney. It was just a few days before Christmas.

“Whatever,” Brian said. He was content, or maybe the word was indifferent, to the charitable donations that Kinnetik made every holiday season. They added to the good reputation that his company held in the community, and they provided a much needed tax break. That was the important thing.

“They do a lot of good, you know,” Ted advised.

“I’m sure.”

“Brian…” Ted was about to counsel his boss on the benefits and warm feelings associated with giving, when he realized who he was talking to and bit his tongue.

“Anything else?” Brian asked dismissively.

Ted shook his head. “Um, there’s donuts in the break room, if you’d like some.”

“When have you ever known me to eat donuts?” Brian asked derisively.

“Will you and Justin be at Deb’s dinner tomorrow?” Ted decided it was best to change the topic since Brian obviously had no intention of partaking in goodies that had been set out in the break room for the Christmas season festivities.

“No,” was the terse reply.

“What? Deb will be … furious.”

“I’ll be there,” Brian amended. “Justin has decided to stay in New York until after Christmas.”

“Why?” Ted asked in surprise. “I thought he was anxious to come home.”

“He has a small part in a show and he’s been invited to some important parties,” Brian explained. “They may result in some sales of his work, and he needs to be available to sign any paintings that sell.”

“I see,” Ted said.

“Sometimes we have to do things we don’t really want to do,” Brian added, unsure why he felt the need to explain.

“Yeah, I guess so. Sometimes sacrifices are necessary,” Ted admitted. “I just know that I wouldn’t want to miss Christmas with Blake.” He could almost swear he saw Brian Kinney flinch.

“Some things are unavoidable,” Brian quickly added.

“Yeah, unavoidable.”

“So, if there’s nothing else…?”

“Nothing else,” Ted said standing up. “See you at Deb’s.”

Brian didn’t answer as Ted left his office. He wasn’t really sure he was going to Deb’s dinner. It had been hard enough dealing with Ted’s questions about Justin. There would be many more questions at Debbie’s. Fucking Christmas! It always was a piss poor time of year as far as Brian was concerned. Peace on Earth, good will to men. Bah, humbug! It was a load of crap. Brian turned to his computer and got back to work.

Hours later Brian shut down his computer, shoved back his chair and stood up. He rolled his head on his shoulders and glanced at the time on the clock on the wall. He was sick of work, sick of his responsibilities and sick of his life in general. It was time to get good and soused and screw his brains out. He grabbed his coat, looked at his briefcase and decided to leave it right where it was. He walked out of the office, out the front door of Kinnetik, locking it behind him, and into the inky darkness of eleven o’clock on a December Friday night. He couldn’t believe he had spent so long on his latest campaign, but it had turned out pretty good, if he did say so himself. His work would become reality on Monday.

As Brian walked to his Corvette some movement caught the corner of his eye. He turned to see a woman going through the dumpster that stood in the back of the parking area. A child stood beside her, waiting for her to find something. Brian stopped and watched for a minute. It was clear they didn’t realize he was there.

The woman pulled what looked like a bun or bread from the bin. She studied it for a moment and dusted it off before passing it to the little boy who waited beside her. The child grabbed the bread and gobbled it down voraciously.

Brian realized it was probably a donut, one of the ones Ted had mentioned from the break room. Someone had pitched the leftovers into the dumpster when they had left work. Brian watched the woman root around in the dumpster, but she came up empty handed. She looked down at the child who had devoured the donut. He was clearly still very hungry, and most likely so was she. But she had chosen to feed her child instead of herself.

Brian was about to get in his car when he heard the woman say, “There’s some more dumpsters down the alley. We’ll check those, Billy.”

The little boy nodded and they turned around to proceed down the alley to the next dumpster. They both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Brian in front of them.

“We didn’t mean no harm,” the woman said quickly. “It’s just garbage.” She was obviously worried that Brian would make trouble for her, might call the police or something.

“Yeah, it’s just garbage,” Brian replied, letting the words sink into his brain. On a sudden impulse he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He was about to pull out a twenty when he realized he had about fifty-five dollars in total. He took all the bills and held them out to the woman.

“What are you doing?” she asked in bewilderment.

“Consider this your Christmas gift,” Brian said sardonically.

“I … I couldn’t,” she protested, but Brian could tell she really wanted to take the money.

“Yes, you can. Take it.”

Hesitantly her hand came forward and closed around the bills. “I shouldn’t,” she said as she took the money.

“You should. Get some decent food and maybe a place to stay.”

“Thanks, mister,” the little boy said with a wan smile.

“Yes, thank you so much,” the woman echoed.

“Merry Christmas,” Brian said, although he would be hard pressed to explain why he said those words. He never uttered that trite saying, because Christmas had never been merry for him. Merry Christmas was just the customary gobbledy-gook spoken out of habit by people who were miserable for the rest of the year. It was meaningless as far as Brian Kinney was concerned.

“I hope you have a wonderful Christmas,” the woman said.

“Yeah, wonderful.” Brian unlocked the door of his car. He looked back to see the woman and the boy still standing there watching him. He shook his head and got into his car. He knew the woman and child were stunned at his generosity. Brian smiled to himself. He wouldn’t call it generosity. It was no sacrifice for him to part with fifty-five dollars. He could easily afford his gift to them, and he felt … strangely good about doing it. Maybe this was the Christmas spirit that he had heard about for so long, but had never felt.

He started the car and drove away with a glance in the rearview mirror to see the people he had just helped still staring after him.


*****


“Where the fuck are you?” Debbie’s voice demanded on his cell phone.

Brian looked down at the man sucking his cock. “I’m busy,” was his reply. He wondered why he had bothered to answer the phone. He must be higher than he thought.

“I bet! Getting your dick sucked!” Debbie shot back.

“You know me so well.”

“You told Ted you were coming to this dinner. We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Well, don’t wait any longer.”

“You are a goddamned, fucking, selfish asshole. Can’t you show even a tiny bit of Christmas spirit?”

“Apparently not,” Brian replied.

“Asshole!” Debbie repeated before hanging up.

Brian leaned back against the wall and let his orgasm course through him.


*****


Monday morning Brian made it into work on time. His head felt like cotton and his body simply wanted to lie down and sleep. His lost weekend was taking its toll, and he couldn’t say that he felt any gratification from the excesses in which he had partaken. In point of fact he remembered little of what he had done all weekend.

“Morning, Boss,” Ted said as they met in the foyer. Brian grunted an unintelligible reply. “Debbie was ready to rip your balls off on Saturday night,” Ted informed him.

“She’ll have to find me first,” Brian snarked as he walked into his office.

“Well, keep your eyes open,” Ted advised. “She’s on the warpath.”

“What the fuck for?” Brian asked taking off his coat. “The fact that I missed her little soiree meant there was more food for everybody else.”

“Right, like you eat so much,” Ted said sarcastically.

“Do you have a reason for being here?” Brian asked as his eyes narrowed.

“I work here.”

“Then go work … somewhere else.”

Ted frowned. “Sure, this is me going away.”

“Good,” Brian said as he collapsed into the chair behind his desk. He closed his eyes for a moment and let the weariness take him. It was a weariness fueled not just by his excessive weekend, but by his lack of happiness and stability in his life and relationships. For a fleeting moment he thought about the woman and child at the dumpster. Was he really any better off than they were? At least they had each other.

“Fuck it, Kinney, get with the program,” Brian muttered to himself. He wasn’t sure where this melancholy was coming from, but he wasn’t enjoying it at all. Fuck Justin Taylor for not coming home for Christmas. It was fucking Christmas Eve and Brian didn’t want to be alone.

The day dragged on with the art department managing to get his ideas from Friday into concrete form. They would be ready for presentation to the client on the 27th of December when Kinnetik reopened after Christmas.

At about three o’clock Brian noticed Ted hanging around his office door, but not venturing to come in.

“What the fuck are you doing, Schmidt?” Brian called out.

“Um, Boss, we were, um, wondering, um…”

“Spit it out for Christ’s sake.”

“Everybody was, um, wondering if we might leave a little early today. It is Christmas Eve,” Ted reminded his boss and friend.

“I know the fucking date,” Brian snapped. “Tell them all to get lost.”

“Now?”

“Isn’t that what I fucking said?”

“Yes, Boss, thanks, Boss.”

Brian shook his head as Ted bustled away to tell the staff the good news. It was no skin off his nose if they all left now. The work for today was done anyway. He might even take off too.

People started passing his door on their way of the building. They would call out a “Merry Christmas” to him as they passed by. Brian did not respond. He still hated that fucking phrase, maybe more this year than any other year. Maybe it was because for once he had thought he might actually have a merry Christmas, and now that was all shot to hell.

“Everybody’s gone,” Cynthia said, as she and Ted arrived at his doorway with their coats on.

“Good! Now get out too,” Brian ordered, but there was no rancor in his voice.

“You should leave too,” Cynthia advised.

“I will.”

“Soon,” Ted advised.

“I heard you,” Brian said glaring at them.

“See you at Deb’s tomorrow,” Ted added. Brian didn’t answer, even when Ted turned around and stared at him. “If you’re going to stand her up again, you better tell her.”

“Bye,” Brian said hoping that would end it.

Ted opened his mouth to say something else then turned instead and walked out the door calling, “Merry Christmas, Boss.”

“Merry Christmas,” Cynthia echoed.

Brian did not respond. He returned to what he was looking at on the computer. Abruptly he closed the window and began to shut down his computer. Who was he kidding? This was going to be another shitty Christmas, so he might as well get used to the idea.

Brian left Kinnetik a few minutes later. He carried his briefcase which held some work that he might look at over the next couple of days, if he wasn’t too wasted to know what he was doing. As he walked to his Corvette, he looked at the dumpster, thinking about the mother and child that had been there on Friday. There was no one in sight. He hoped they would have a good Christmas dinner somewhere with the money he had given them. It was a one time gift, and he realized it wouldn’t have bought them much. They were probably in some other alley going through dumpsters there. Fuck!

Brian was depressing, even to himself. He unlocked the Corvette and tossed his briefcase in. He was about to get in when he decided he could use something to eat and a cup of vile diner coffee. He might even be able to tell Debbie that he would possibly miss her Christmas dinner. That wouldn’t earn him any brownie points, but it might mean he could keep his one good ball.

He locked his car and walked down the alley and onto Liberty Avenue. He could see the diner sign up ahead. He steeled himself for his confrontation with Debbie, as he opened the door of the diner. The familiar bell above the door tinkled. He glanced around not seeing Debbie anywhere. Immediately he relaxed and headed for an empty booth near the back. He sat down and waited for a waiter to appear.

When no one appeared after a minute or two Brian looked towards the kitchen. That was when Debbie appeared from the back with a woman in tow. The woman looked vaguely familiar.

“Well, look who’s here,” Debbie said sarcastically. “I’m surprised that you’re still frequenting our lowly diner. Linda, this is Brian Kinney, the asshole of the century.”

“Hello to you too, Deb,” Brian replied. Debbie’s words always hurt even though he tried not to let them.

“You can wait on him, Linda. He’s likely to give you are a hard time, so watch out. It’ll be good training for you if you can manage to serve him without killing him.”

“What can I get you, sir?” the woman called Linda asked.

“Turkey sandwich on whole wheat, no mayo. And I’ll have an order of fries,” Brian stated trying to ignore Debbie’s harsh words.

Debbie snorted. “It must be the holidays if you’re having fries.”

“What I eat is none of your business,” Brian replied, annoyed at Debbie’s words.

“Anything else, sir?” Linda piped up quickly hoping to avoid a problem between her boss and this customer.

“Cup of coffee.”

“Right away,” Linda said as she went to put in the order and get the coffee.

“I suppose we won’t have the pleasure of your company for Christmas dinner either,” Debbie snarked.

“It doesn’t sound like you want me there, so I’ll be happy to arrange that.”

Debbie shook her head. “Of course I want you there, kiddo,” she said, her voice becoming gentle. “I just wish you’d show a little more consideration.”

“I do show consideration,” Brian said feeling anger rise at Debbie’s continued onslaught, even if her tone was less aggressive.

“I can’t say that I noticed any consideration this weekend,” Debbie threw in.

“Back off, Deb,” Brian ordered.

“Here’s your coffee, sir,” Linda said stepping between them to pour Brian a cup of coffee.

“So, will you be at dinner tomorrow?” Debbie asked.

“I don’t know…” Brian said honestly.

“You are a selfish asshole,” Debbie responded. “Just for once do something for someone else. Make the fucking sacrifice of giving up drinking, drugging and fucking for one fucking night, and join us for dinner. It won’t kill you.”

“Debbie,” Linda interrupted before Brian could respond. “This is the man I told you about. He gave me and Billy the money. Now I have a chance to get ahead. He did make a sacrifice. He gave me all that money.”

“Brian did?” Debbie asked in surprise.

“It was no sacrifice,” Brian muttered, suddenly feeling self-conscious as Debbie stared at him in disbelief. Now he knew why the woman had looked familiar. She was the one from the dumpster. “Where’s your son?” Brian asked.

“He’s in the back reading a book,” Linda said. “I came in here to get some food the night you gave me the money. I saw the sign for help wanted. I used some of your money to get cleaned up and I applied for the job. I’ve been working here all weekend, and Debbie found me a room to stay in until I get on my feet.”

“That’s good,” Brian said.

“I can’t thank you enough for your generosity,” Linda said. “I’ll go make sure they get that sandwich made real quick,” she added before she hurried away.

Debbie studied Brian for a moment. Brian never tooted his own horn, but she always knew he had a heart, a big heart, when he chose to use it. “Ted says Justin won’t be home for Christmas.”

“Ted has a big mouth.”

“If he’s stuck in New York, why don’t you go there?” Debbie asked.

“He’s busy.”

“I bet he would be thrilled to have you there with him.”

“And I bet he wouldn’t. He’s making a life for himself,” Brian said seriously.

“You two were making a life together before this New York thing came up.”

“That was then, this is now.”

“Don’t be an ass, kiddo. Go to New York.”

“But I’ll miss your dinner,” Brian said with a grin.

“I’ll survive. But you might not if you don’t make this effort.”

“I … I’ll think about it,” Brian said suddenly uncertain about what he had decided to do.

“Consider this your Christmas gift – a one time get out of jail free card,” Debbie cackled. “You don’t have to come to my Christmas dinner, and I won’t rip off your good ball, if you go join Justin in New York.”

Brian winced in spite of himself. He did really want to go to New York. Maybe Justin would be glad to see him, but he would never know if he didn’t make the trip. “Tell Lillian to make that sandwich to go,” Brian said.

Debbie grinned to herself as she went to see to Brian’s takeout.

Brian hit the number for Liberty Air on his phone. He knew what time the next flight was, because that was what he had looked up on the computer just before he left the office, and he might just be able to make that flight if there was a seat available.

“Here’s your sandwich, Mr. Kinney,” Linda said holding out a paper bag.

“Thanks,” said Brian as he cut the connection to the airline.

“Thank you for all you’ve done. The sandwich is on me,” Linda said.

“Thank you, but you don’t need to treat me,” Brian told her, dropping a hundred dollar bill on the table. “Keep the change, and … get Billy a Christmas present.”

“I…” Linda started to protest, but the tall man was already out the door and running down the street.


*****


“Brian!” Justin said when Brian walked into the small gallery where Justin’s show was being held. “You’re here.”

“You always were great at stating the obvious.”

Justin laughed and Brian thought he had never heard a sweeter sound. “I … I thought I was going to be all alone for Christmas, but now…”

“You’re stuck with me,” Brian said completing Justin’s sentence.

“I can’t think of a better thing to be stuck with,” Justin grinned.

Brian felt himself relax as Justin spoke those words. That was what he had been hoping, but there was always that grain of doubt deep inside him. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for Justin, maybe Justin had moved on to better things, maybe he was meant to be alone.

“Have you sold anything?” Brian asked.

“Everything,” Justin said proudly.

“Everything? That’s … an accomplishment.”

“And I know you only celebrate accomplishments, so let’s go celebrate,” Justin said enthusiastically.

“Are you done here?”

“I was thinking about leaving just before you came in, so we can go.”

“I got a hotel room. We can celebrate there.”

“Sounds good to me.” Justin took Brian’s hand and headed for the office where his coat was located. Soon they were outside the gallery trying to hail a cab.

“What made you come?” Justin asked.

“Debbie.”

“Debbie?”

“Actually it was a number of things, but Debbie put it all in perspective for me. Consider me your Christmas gift. I hope you like it.”

“I like it very much,” Justin said as a cab pulled up. He snuggled against Brian in the back seat of the cab as they drove to the hotel.

“Why didn’t you say you’d like me to come?” Brian asked. They could have been apart instead of snuggling together in this cab. And there were many more pleasurable things to come at the hotel. It all could have been missed.

“I thought you didn’t want to come,” Justin said with sadness in his voice.

“I thought you knew me better than that.”

“Sometimes you need to tell me what you want. You sent me here to be a success. I decided to stay over Christmas to ensure some modicum of that success. I thought it was what you wanted.”

“You are a success in my eyes. You always will be.”

Justin turned his face up to look at Brian. The smile he wore spoke volumes. Brian felt his heart melt and the word Sunshine rang through his head.

“Sometimes we’re so stupid,” Justin said softly. “We could have missed Christmas together.”

“Sometimes you forget that I’m new at this boyfriend/relationship thing,” Brian said sticking his tongue in his cheek. But he really meant that, and he hoped Justin was getting his message.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Let’s try to be more open about what we want.”

“I know exactly what I want,” Brian declared. His hand cupped Justin’s cock making it grow hard just as the cab pulled up at the hotel.

“Great,” Justin said, “now I have to walk through the lobby with a hard on.”

“Wear it proudly, Sunshine,” Brian laughed. He took Justin’s hand, and they hurried through the hotel lobby to the elevators.

As they rode up to Brian’s room, both of them knew that this was going to be a great Christmas after all. Being together was the best gift.