BRIAN

“Daddy, Uncle Jasper has puppies,” Penny tells me.

“Uncle Jasper?” I ask.

“He told me that we was family, and let me play in the house on wheels,” Penny tells me.

“That’s really wonderful that he wanted to show you the future of a high school dropout,” I tell her.

“But Daddy, he has puppies.” She reminds me.

“No. Fluffy is the only animal we get,” I tell her.

“Fluffy might get lonely, Uncle Jasper said not to worry, dawgs found a way.” She tells me.

“Where is Fluffy?” I ask, realizing I hadn’t seen her all day.

“She’s making friends with Casper.” She tells me.

“The friendly ghost?” Nathan asks, looking up from his drawing.

“No silly. Caper, the best darn huntin dawg this sides of the 'sippy. Uncle Jasper says I can have all the puppies I want.” She tells me smiling.

Emmett might need to worry that I’m going to be the one shooting at the wedding.

EMMETT

I woke up, enjoying the warm body lying next to me and smiled that for the rest of my life I get this. I turned over to kiss my soon to be husband and got licked in the face.

“JASPER! You better come get this future throw rug out of my bed.” I yell.

“Now Emmett, Dolly just wanted to show you some appreciation fer your hospitality,” Jasper tells me, coming in with a large tray of food.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Sue Ellen just felt that we wasn’t pullin’ our weight. Family’s supposed ta help out when ya get hitched. I dragged our brother’s lazy asses out the bed and got that tent set up for y'all. Why they just didn’t put it up is beyond me. It’s what you git from hiring out when family could’a done it.” He tells me.

I look down at grits swimming in butter and ham, I hope. I took a bite and hated that it was really that good when the grease alone could kill you. Jasper sat next to me, grabbing a bowl with gravy and the toast.

“Biscuits would'a been better. Nothing like biscuits. Well, Sue Ellen makes em good, not like how Mama did.” He tells me.

“Mama thought you put water in flour then bake. Aunt Lulu never could get her to understand that was paste, not biscuits.” I tell him.

“You know all of us usta be thrilled when you got in a bakin mood. It meant our teeth were safe.” He tells me.

“I just couldn’t watch y'all try to soften them by covering them in lumpy gravy,” I tell him.

“That's why I snatched up Sue Ellen. That woman can cook.” He tells me.

“Did Mama ever ask about me?” I ask.

“I wish I could say yes, but it was hard for her to understand you know. I didn’t get it either, but I wasn't willing to lose Howie the way our parents done lost you. I realized I might could be happy that my boy was educated and gonna do something, or worry about something that he couldn’t change. He's my boy, even iffen he likes, you know. Sue Ellen told the family she ain't having the bullshit take her baby from her. Which was her way of tellin me my ass would end up lookin for a new woman iffen I didn’t accept him.” He tells me.

“It's not horrible to love the way God made us,” I tell him.

“Yeah, but I just don’t see howz you wouldn't want tits.” He tells me.

“I'm glad you came,” I tell him.

“Let's just hope Bobby Joe didn’t manage to track us down.” He tells me, shrugging.

Alex asked me to allow him to get the rings, he wanted to do something other than show up. I walked in after putting on my facial mask and forgot my family was hanging around the kitchen.

“You know, we might be accepting and all, but what's that green shit on your face?” Howie Sr asks.

“Ain't no different than the shit you put on for huntin, Howie.” Sue Ellen tells him slapping his head.

“That’s so the deer don't see me. Ain’t no deer in the kitchen.” Howie mumbles.

“Ain't no women living in your shack neither, but then you seem to think deer piss attracts something.” Luke jokes.

“I wouldn’t be talking Mr got no woman neither. Last I checked your ass can't keep a woman neither, they just ain't gonna support your lazy ass.” Lisa Marie tells him.

“I refuse to take on someone else’s babies. At least I’m not running around thinking pretty boy would trade in what he got fo your ass.” Luke tells her.

“He just hasn’t experienced the things I could do for him. I gets it that Brian’s a looker, but ain’t no babies gonna happen with that. I might could show him a good time.” She tells us as if that would win her some Justin love.

“Hate to break it to you, but Justin and Brian have kids. Honey, there is nothing you’re offering that Justin wants.” I tell her, liking the way it feels to have my family just being themselves.

“That Penny is a cutie. Jasper wanted to take her home with us. I was gonna see if Brian would let us show her around. I think some people would get over Howie Jr bein like he is iffen they see that he ain’t giving up anything. You planning on making some babies for us to spoil?” Sue Ellen asks.

“Grant is all you get from me, Alex and I just spoil all the Kinney kids,” I tell them.

“You think Dan and Grant might wanna kid? I could deal with that.” Daisy tells me.

“Daisy, gay means gay, not future baby daddy,” Howard tells her.

“Honey, when you manage to land a man, you can talk,” Priscilla tells him.

“At least I wasn’t trying to land a guy in the backroom of a gay club.” Howard snorts.

Alex came walking into the kitchen, only to be yelled at that he couldn’t see the bride or groom, they weren’t sure which to call me, before hitching his wagon to me. Grant dragged Alex out, laughing that he wanted to keep in touch with this family because they were a hoot. When Deb showed up I just left her to help Jasper with his acceptance. I heard Deb telling him there was nothing wrong with liking dick.

Ted showed up with Brian, who decided that if I was going to get married, he was going to finally dress me for a change. He pulled out Armani and started straightening the pants, before making sure I tied my tie correctly and shining the Prada boots he brought me. It was nice, but somehow just not me. Brian rolled his eyes and handed me a hot pink dress shirt and rainbow socks, which he told me killed him to do. I was combing my hair when Brian handed me the flower for my lapel.

“I wanted you to wear this, it’s supposed to mean some shit about being with the person you’ll love forever. I snagged it off the bush you bought from here, not China. If I’m cursed to this life, so are you.” Brian smirks.

“Hey, I brought you some cufflinks, Deb told me you could borrow one of her buttons.” Ted hands me the one that said: “Got Dick”.

Jasper knocked on the door and came in wearing a suit, I didn’t know he even owned one.

“I didn’t want yous to be embarrassed, Sue Ellen made it,” Jasper tells me.

“You can change after the pictures, but I wouldn’t have cared, a little color never hurt anyone,” I tell him.

“So, I brought you what Aunt Lulu wanted you to have iffen you ever got hitched. She told me you would be the only one of us to appreciate it,” he tells me, handing me her cookbook. “The recipes that she never shared are in the sealed envelope, she didn’t trust the girls to not try to take them.” He tells me. “Now Emmett, no need for tears. Ain’t you guys gonna do somethin? I ain’t never understood the crying thing.” Jasper tells them, escaping so he doesn’t have to cry with me.

I walked outside with Ted and Brian who were going to stand with me. Grant and Justin were standing with Alex. Brian and Ted walked ahead and Jasper came over and put out his arm.

“I ain’t Daddy. But then Daddy wouldn’t understand the way I do. Let’s get your man before he escapes.” Jasper tells me.

I walked down the aisle with my brother, to the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I got to Alex and joined my hands with his as the minister asked who gave me away.

“I reckon we do,” Jasper tells him.

Our vows were simple because I didn’t want to cry the way I did when Alex whispered them to me last night. He told me that I gave him everything he waited his whole life for. I told him that he loved me in the way no one ever had, with all of himself.

When we turned around after getting married, Nathan was sitting in the middle of the aisle with a small cake, eating away. Brian walked towards Nathan who picked up the cake and ran, tripping and falling face first into it. Which only meant that Nathan smiled.

“It’s all mine now.” He yells.

“Don’t worry none, I made it when he tried to get the big one.” Sue Ellen tells Brian, picking up Nathan and letting him cover her in the frosting.

Everyone went into the tent for dinner and Luke and Howie Sr seemed to think Mel and Lindsay needed to sit with them. Lindsay tried to be nice to Luke. I finally had Deb drag Luke away by the ear when he said he could deal with other people's babies if she was looking for a man. Mel just showed Howie Sr why we call her the ballbreaker and worried when he told her he liked it rough. Brian came over and told Buttercup to let the balls live to torture some other cousin. Penny and Jenny asked where the balls were. Gus was busy trying to explain why Howard’s crush would just end in heartbreak, or Papa breaking bones, if Howard didn’t get with the program.

I danced with my Alex, happy that he didn’t seem to care about anything but becoming my husband. He had our rings engraved with our names and an eternity symbol around the names. Everything was perfect until Bobby Joe arrived. Then it was hilarious.

“Jasper you get yer boy, he turned my boy.” He yells.

“Roberto, what are you doing here?” Todd asked.

“How’s it going, Todd. I mean, who are you?” Bobby Joe asks, turning red.

“I’m fine, but what do you mean who am I? Last night you were begging me to let you stay the night.” Todd complained.

“You know Bobby Joe?” Jasper asks Todd.

“I met him when he came to Babylon. He said he was huntin ass and I showed him mine.” Todd smirks.

“You just wait till I tell Franny’s mama about this, she’ll be showin you how she hunts yer ass.” Sue Ellen tells him.

“I can still stay, right?” Howard asks.