Chapter 11 - Whose Turn Is It To Freak?

"We're having a baby!" Justin asserted with a mega-watt Sunshine smile lighting up his entire being.

"WE'RE not doing anything!" Brian screamed and pushed the grinning blond youth away from him. "This thing. . . This parasite . . . Is inside ME! I don't see you puking your guts out or keeling over because its poisoning you! Fuck this! FUCK!"

"Calm down, Brian," Justin patiently admonished the hysterical man. "It's not good for the baby. We'll get through this . . . "

"What the fuck is it with the 'we' shit, Justin!" Brian raged. "I'm the one who's . . . who's . . . who's fucked!  

"You're going to be fine, Brian. And of course I'm going to help you through this. I am the baby's . . . " Justin started to reassure him, but then was stopped cold by an insistent doubt. "I AM the father, aren't I, Brian?"

"What do YOU think, you twat? *pant* You think I'm some flouncing fairy bottom-boy who just lets every fag who comes along fuck me? ME? I'm a fucking top, damn it. *pant* I never bottom for anyone. Never! *huff* I never bottom," *huff, huff, huff* Brian's protestations were cut off abruptly as he started panting uncontrollably, unable to catch his breath in the grips of a panic attack.

The doctor quickly reached over and picked up the oxygen mask that Brian had tossed on the floor earlier, placing it back over Brian's nose and mouth and strapping it around the brunet head securely. "Mr. Kinney! Really! You need to remain calm. You hyperventilating isn't going to help anyone!"

Justin shook his head and grabbed one of Brian's flailing hands. He offered the panicky ball of nerves an appeasing smile and started petting the disheveled auburn locks in a soothing manner. Justin's soft touch, as well as the heavy oxygen he was sucking down, gradually alleviated the worst of Brian's panic. Not all of it, but . . .

"Shhh. It's okay. We're in this together, Brian," Justin muttered in a placating tone of voice. "It'll be okay. . ."

"It won't be okay," Brian almost sobbed in a tiny childish voice. "Everyone's . . . They're all going to . . . To KNOW, Justin . . ."

Justin couldn't let himself laugh. He just couldn't. It really wouldn't help matters. But he so wanted to laugh.

Brian Kinney - the man who's personal philosophy had always been, 'Who cares what anyone else thinks. If they don't like it, fuck 'em' - was more concerned with everyone on Liberty Avenue finding out that he occasionally bottomed than that he was pregnant and going to have a baby. It was probably the funniest thing Justin had ever heard. But he could NOT laugh. Not without again setting off his adorable little drama queen.

The queen-in-question was now reclining in despair on the hospital bed. Brian's head was turned slightly away from where Justin and the doctor stood and his right arm was now draped dramatically across his face as if shielding his eyes from the horror of it all. He looked so much like a swooning seductress from the silver screen that even the staid, completely professional doctor sniggered a little at the over-the-top display. However, the doctor quickly stifled his hilarity and put back on his official demeanor before Brian caught on to his reaction.

Now that it appeared the worst was over and his patient wasn't going to succumb to the shock, the doctor happily returned to business. "Mr. Kinney, I'm going to send down someone from the Obstetrics department who will be taking over your case. Since you're already here, we might as well do a complete exam as well as get an ultrasound. I will definitely be following your case with eager interest, even though I'm just a lowly ER doctor. I wish you the best of luck with everything." Then the doctor shook Justin's hand, nodded at the still swooning Brian, and was off, leaving the two beleaguered men finally alone.

Unfortunately, their respite was brief and they didn't get a chance to discuss anything before another set of medical attendants swarmed into the room. Brian's extraordinary case was handed off to none other than the Chief of the Obstetrics Department, who turned out to be a short, dumpy woman who's overly cheerful manner was destined to aggravate Brian even more. The officious little chief brought with her several followers, all excited to see this wonder of nature.

It was barely controlled chaos. Everyone was milling around, trying to look busy and official and 'Chiefy' was spouting on about how honored she was to meet Brian and Justin, blah, blah, blah. Justin could tell Brian was about to lose it all over again, when the crowd was parted to allow for the arrival of the ultrasound technician and his equipment. Luckily, at this point, several of the lookey-loos were forced to leave because there just wasn't room for all the equipment and them. The noise level in the small room dropped several decibels and Brian started to breathe a tad easier under his oxygen mask.

To Justin's surprise, it was watching the results of the ultrasound on the large portable monitor that finally served to calm Brian fully. The technician, who wasn't as flighty and excitable as Chiefy or her compatriots, efficiently set up his equipment. He pulled up Brian's hospital gown, squirted a large dollop of slippery gel on the patient's abdomen and then set the ultrasound wand into place.

The room went quiet as a rapidly repetitive 'shushing' sound came out of the speakers on the machine. The technician quietly explained that the noise was the sound of the baby's heartbeat. He moved the wand around a bit, spreading the gel as he moved and then apparently found the spot he had been aiming for. He turned a knob or two on the machine, poked the wand down a little deeper into Brian's stomach muscles and smiled.

"There's junior, right there," the tech said and pointed to an indistinct whitish blob on the monitor. "Looks like baby is doing just fine. See there," he pointed to a spot where the picture was flashing between black and white, indicating movement. "That's the heart. Now, if you'll just stay super still for a minute, I can calculate the baby's heart rate."

Brian lay frozen, his hand gripping Justin's tightly, as he stared in fascination at the black and white images on the screen.

"Okay," the tech announced. "The fetal heart rate looks good. Now we'll do some measurements to confirm the baby's exact gestational age." He used a mouse attachment to click at several spots on the image with a roving pointer, each click leaving a little marker line on the monitor. When he had enough reference points, he went back to the machine, typing at the keyboard.

"Alright. That looks good. By my rough estimate the baby is about 5-6 weeks old. Your doctor will be able to give you a more precise date after she looks over the data. It's way too early to determine gender but, do you have any other questions?" the tech asked politely, smiling at the expectant father.

"That's it? That's my baby?" Brian finally asked with sheer wonder. "It's so small."

"Yep! That's it." The tech then pointed out which of the little white bumps were the head and the little arm and leg buds. Both fathers seemed mesmerized. He then printed out two copies of the ultrasound image, handing one each to Brian and Justin.

The rest of the time at the hospital flew by. Brian refused to relinquish his copy of the picture for even a second. He kept looking down at it over and over but didn't say anything. Nothing Chiefy or any of the other doctors did subsequently seemed to phase him.

The doctor finished her official exam, gave the expectant couple a stack of reading material, and sent Brian home.

Which was when Justin started to freak out again. Back at the hospital, after he'd gotten over the initial shock, he'd known that his job was to stand beside Brian and keep him calm. That was it. Pretty simple. He could SO do that.

But now what? The doctor said Brian should go home and get some rest. Justin also remembered a comment about Brian eating a healthier diet and some reference to suggested meal plans in one of the papers in the stack of reading. But that was all he could remember. The doctor MUST have said something else, right? You can't just send someone who's pregnant home with no idea what to do next. Can you?

Well, okay . . . Rest. Justin figured that was doable. He could take Brian back to the loft and make him stay in bed and rest. But, what about the food stuff? How was he going to get Brian to eat? As far as he knew, Brian still couldn't even keep toast down. What was he supposed to do if Brian couldn't eat anything?

Was toast even on the suggested meal plan? Maybe he needed to get a special kind of bread? It probably should be organic or have extra vitamins or something. He should have read the meal plan info before they left the hospital.

Brian didn't have any real food at the loft, so Justin thought they should probably stop at a market on the way home. But, then again, Brian was supposed to be resting, not traipsing around shopping. He could take Brian home first, then go to the market while Brian was resting. But what if Brian needed him while he was gone? What if he fainted again? Brian might have hurt himself when he fell if Justin hadn't been there to catch him. No, he'd better stay with Brian.

Maybe he could get someone else to go out and get groceries for them? Who? Shit, no way was he ready tell ANYBODY about this - even assuming Brian would let him. But if he asked someone to go get them food, he'd have to tell them something. What? Shit. How were they ever going to tell the family? No. Don't even think about that. That was way too much to deal with.

Maybe he and Brian could just move away. Some place far away from Pittsburgh where no one else knew them. Then they wouldn't have to tell Debbie and the rest. Shit. Debbie was going to be insane when she found out. Michael was going to freak.

Shit, his mom! What was he going to tell his mom? It wasn't bad enough he'd had to come out, alienate his father, break up his parents marriage? Now he was going to be a father at eighteen, too?

Fucking eighteen! He was ONLY eighteen! What the fuck did he know about being a father. What the fuck did he know about ANYTHING? He wasn't even done with high school. What was he going to do?

What was he going to do?

Justin froze in the middle of the parking lot about five meters away from the Jeep.

"Justin?"

"We have to get the bread," Justin advised Brian.

"What bread, Sunshine?" Brian asked, completely at a loss as to where bread came into things.

"The bread. From the list. With the vitamins. For your toast." Justin replied, as if this should be perfectly clear and he was annoyed that Brian hadn't been paying attention.

Sunshine," Brian demanded his companion's attention. When Justin did finally focus on Brian's confused face, the older man ordered, "breathe!"

"Huh?"

"Take a deep breath and stop freaking out on me. Those tiny hamsters running on the wheels in your little blond brain are going to pass out from exhaustion if you don't stop worrying, Sunshine."

Justin obeyed and took a tentative breath. It helped. So he took another.

"Good boy," Brian smiled at him.

"What do we do?" Justin asked next, assuming that, like always, Brian would have all the answers.

"I have no fucking idea, Sunshine," Brian said and then actually laughed. "No. Fucking. Idea!"

Brian just kept laughing hysterically. Justin smiled. Then he started snickering too. Before they knew it they were both standing in the hospital parking lot screaming with laughter so hard that tears were squeezing out of the corners of their eyes. Whatever it was they were laughing about, must have been hilarious. Neither one could really think of exactly what was funny, though.

When the laughter had finally tapered off into spates of occasional giggles, Brian reached his arm around Justin's shoulders and started walking again. He used his other hand to dig the car keys out of Justin's jacket pocket. Then, he walked around and got into the driver's side seat, unlocking the passenger door for Justin.

"The first thing we do, Sunshine, is eat," Brian decided. "I'm starving. I might even be able to keep something down now. And who knows when you were last fed. If we don't get you something to eat soon, you'll probably pass out and we'll end up right back here at the hospital."

"I could go for a burger or something," Justin said and sighed.

"Of course you could, Sunshine! Of course you could."