Chapter 26 - The Noisy, Hairy and Fat Chapter.

Justin had only been officially living at the loft for a little over two weeks when he first thought about killing Brian.

Of course he wasn't serious about the killing part. He had only briefly contemplated suffocation of his bed partner. He would never really act on it. Of course not! He loved Brian and there was no way he'd ever do something to hurt him. Right? If he'd briefly held a pillow about six inches above the man's face for a minute or so, it didn't mean he'd ever act on the impulse. No. Definitely not.

But . . . Well, if Justin didn't get some sleep soon, he might snap and then he couldn't be held accountable if he accidentally let the pillow drop down over Brian's head in the middle of the night and then leaned into it for a little while. Could he? Justin was sure that any jury, once they'd heard the extenuating circumstances would let him off. No one could take this kind of torture on a nightly basis and remain sane. NO ONE!

See, Brian had started to snore.

Not just any normal snoring, mind you, but full-out, rattle the roof timbers, it sounds like WWIII with fighter jets strafing the inside of the loft, snoring. It was the loudest and most irritating noise Justin had ever heard in his life. Each wheezing rattle echoed off the high, bare rafters of the loft and bounced right back, with perfect acoustical aim, directly at Justin's side of the bed. It was so loud that he was amazed anyone in the building could sleep through the racket. Actually, it was probably loud enough to keep the entire block awake. At least it felt that way to an exhausted Justin.

Yes, it was true that Brian had always wheezed a little at night. But, that hadn't been annoying - Justin had always thought it was kind of cute. Like a big tiger purring away in the bed next to him. That little whiffle could not be compared in any meaningful way to this . . . Noise.

It had all started about a week after the official announcement of their new living arrangements at Deb's. One night, everything was just peachy - they'd made love, cuddled up together after (Brian always refused to admit to the post-coital cuddling, but did it nonetheless) and both fallen into a blissful, entwined sleep. The next night, the buzzing din had started. About halfway through the night, Justin had been in the middle of a dream about being lost at a construction site and being chased by huge rumbling bulldozers, when an extra-loud bulldozer roar shook him from his dream into an almost-as-scary reality.

Brian was lying there next to him in bed, stretched out on his back in his usual sleeping position. But, instead of Brian's beautiful handsome, chiseled features, Justin saw a gaping chasm. Brian's mouth was yawning, wide-opened, and a horrible racket was coming out of the depths of the maw. It was a rattling, repetitive buzzing that kept going on and on and on.

That first night, Justin didn't know what to do. Brian needed his sleep. He was pregnant with Justin's baby and he needed his rest so that both Brian and the baby would be healthy and happy. Justin thought that this night was just an aberration. He could put up with it for one night and he wouldn't even say anything to Brian about it the next day. He'd do anything for Brian. Besides, it couldn't last all night. Could it?

By 4:00 am he realized that, yes, it could last all night. Justin gave up and went out to the couch, huddled in a blanket trying to get a bit of sleep on the uncomfortable sofa. But, he kept his promise to himself and didn't say a word the next day when Brian asked why Justin seemed so tired.

By the third night Justin had decided to fuck being nice or considerate of Brian's needs. After the third non-stop hour of snoring, he shook the sleeping behemoth awake and ordered him to roll over onto his side. Brian half woke, confused by Justin's babbling, but finally understood that he needed to roll over. Which helped for about twenty minutes until Brian rolled back over and the cacophony began anew.

By the fifth night, Justin was sure that not only was the snoring increasing in volume but it was also becoming more annoying due to it's incessant changes in tempo, speed and cadence. It was one thing to listen to a steady, repetitive rumbling that - maybe - you could eventually convince your brain to view as background noise. It was altogether different to try to ignore this halting, discordant, atonal gasping and huffing.

Justin was reminded of a story he'd read somewhere describing the worst snoring he'd ever imagined. Somehow, a quote from that story was the only clear thought his sleep deprived brain could focus on. The insightful passage kept repeating in his mind:

"The worst was when he sucked in air like wind at the mouth of a cavern, then held it with a wheezy creak for one second, then two, then maybe three seconds. She was always suspended there with it, her own breath trapped in her throat until his was expended in a sudden clattering like hail on a tin roof." ***

Justin could now empathize with the woman in that story. He wondered if she ever did take the iron skillet and bash in her husband's brains with it like she'd contemplated in the story. Which was when Justin started imagining his own ways to make Brian's snoring stop.

The next morning he decided that enough was enough and something had to be done before . . . Well, before his midnight fantasies became far too real. Justin crawled out of bed as soon as it was light and went to the computer to research the problem. There was an enormous amount of information on snoring on the Internet. None of which seemed all that helpful. But Justin kept digging through all the bogus sounding folk remedies and the hokey-looking 'As-seen-on-TV' ads, until he got to some actual medical sites that had promise.

In the end, it seemed there were three general ways to treat snoring. First, there was surgery - Justin didn't think Brian would even contemplate that option. Second, there was medication - everything from serious sedative drugs to make the individual sleep more deeply to over the counter decongestants. These sounded more along the line with what Brian would think of as 'treatment'. But, the problem with these options was that most of the drugs mentioned were not recommended during a pregnancy.

Which left only the so-called 'natural' methods of treatment. Only, how was Justin supposed to get Brian Kinney to change his diet, use saline nose drops before bed and sleep with a little adhesive strip affixed to his nose every night? In his sleepless and depressed state, it seemed like an impossible feat.

When the alarm clock went off and Brian popped right out of bed all happy and well-rested, though, Justin's resolve redoubled. Brian came out of the bedroom, and almost skipped up to give Justin a good morning kiss. Justin stood at the kitchen counter glowering at the looming bundle of unwarranted cheerfulness. He shoved Brian down onto a barstool, plunked a mug of the secretly decaf coffee on the counter and gave Brian a look that choked off all the gleeful morning greetings that were threatening to bubble up into Justin's sulk.

"You snore. It's bad. You're going to do this," Justin ordered and handed Brian printouts about the saline drops and breathe-right strips. When Brian looked like he was about to protest, Justin stopped him with a snarl. "You will not be getting into this ass again until I get at least one full-night's sleep. You will do as I say, Brian. I'm not fucking around here. Now, call Debbie and tell her I won't make it to the Diner today. I'm going back to bed and nobody better wake me up for the next ten hours if they value their lives."

Brian sat there drinking his coffee and watched Justin retreat to the bedroom without commenting. Brian did NOT believe for a minute that he snored. If he did, why was this the first time anyone had ever commented on it? Granted, he slept with a lot of men, but he hardly ever really 'slept' with them. Usually, the only times he let a trick sleepover were when he'd passed out too drunk or stoned to care where he was or who was there with him. But just sleeping, sleeping? Brian had to admit that he hadn't slept through the night without drug or alcohol inducement with anyone - except Justin. So, maybe Justin was the only one who'd noticed?

Justin had been really tired looking lately and not his usual cheerful self. He'd said he hadn't been sleeping well the past couple of nights. Maybe Brian WAS keeping the boy awake? He'd never thought of Justin as being a light sleeper, either. So, if Brian was snoring, it would have to be pretty bad to keep sleeping beauty awake. It was possible. Maybe.

Brian looked at the printouts Justin had shoved at him. The saline nose drops didn't sound too bad - hell, he'd been putting all sorts of shit up his nose for years, how bad could this shit be. He didn't like the idea of the little adhesive strip things, though. He'd look like a dork wearing those to bed. Wanky little strips of tape on your nose were really NOT conducive to hot spontaneous sex. Of course, if Justin was serious about no access to his ass until he got some sleep, it wouldn't matter if he wanted hot spontaneous sex since he'd be getting no sex at all. At least not here.

There were always other places Brian could go for a blowjob or a quick fuck - the Baths, Babylon, Woody's or anywhere, really. It's not like Justin's threat really meant anything. But, it had been . . . convenient to have Justin around. It did solve the problem of Brian's perpetual horniness. And, there was no arguing that Justin's ass was by far the best, most satisfying ass he'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. So, yeah, he could always find ass but, no ass as great as Justin's.

Maybe it was worth it to just humor the kid. What could it hurt? Brian decided to call Chiefy this morning to get her okay and see if the 'expert' had any better advice.

Brian tip toed into his bedroom to finish getting ready for work. The Blond Beauty was already sound asleep. He looked so sweet and innocent like that. Brian didn't care that he'd let the lesbionic adjectives escape his psyche - they were true. Yeah, it was definitely worth it to get Justin back on his good side. Definitely!

That night, Brian came home with a tiny silver foil gift bag which he placed next to Justin's sketch book on the coffee table. It looked like Justin had rolled out of bed only a few minutes before Brian got home. He was still tired looking but didn't seem quite as nasty tempered as he had been that morning. Justin yawned and stretched and then reached over to pick up the itty-bitty bag.

Justin pulled the items out of the gift bag one at a time. First came a white plastic bottle - the label said it was saline nasal spray. The corners of the plump coral pink lips began to curl upward, just the tiniest bit, at this first treasure. Next, he pulled out a small box of breathe-right strips. The smile on the pretty pink lips unfolded a bit more. Finally, Justin reached in and extracted the final part of the gift - a package of moldable foam ear plugs. This final item clinched it, turning the threat of a smile into the real thing.

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Brian had been standing naked in front of the mirror for several minutes already. He couldn't decide if he was disgusted by the growing distension of his belly or pleased by it. He kept running his hands over the little bulge, as if trying to make sure it was real. Fuck, it was starting to get noticeable. When he looked at his body from the side you could really see the protruding bulge. Brian was not looking forward to this part - the getting fat part - of the pregnancy, at all.

The rest of his body still looked the same though. He admired his long firm well-muscled legs, his nice, still-flat ass, his sculpted back muscles . . .

Wait. What was that on his back? He surveyed the smooth, golden tan skin of his back in the mirror. The clean, long lines of the underlying musculature were evident and still attractive. But, then, just below his shoulder blades, the beautiful lines were all blurred by . . . dark, coarse, heavy . . . Hair? Body hair? On his back? No fucking way!

Brian squirmed and twisted his torso around trying to get a better look at his upper back. He could tell there was some hair growing back there but he couldn't see well enough to tell how bad it was. Digging through a drawer in the bathroom cupboard he finally found a small hand mirror and used it to view his reflection in the larger mirror.

"Fuck!" It was BAD. When the fuck had this happened? He'd never had a hairy back before. Never. Even the hair on his chest had always been fairly light - of course he got his chest waxed every so often just because, but he'd never needed to do anything to his BACK. Now, from what he could see in the little hand mirror, there was a huge thatch of dark, thick ugly hair all across his upper back and creeping up his shoulders. It was the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen.

He was turning into a BEAR! A noisy, snoring, fat BEAR! How could this be happening? Why was it happening to HIM! It wasn't fair . . .

Justin chose that inopportune moment to waltz into the bathroom, pulling out the bright pink ear plugs he'd worn through the night, as he hopped over to give his man a good morning kiss. Justin felt refreshed after his first full nights sleep in more than a week and he was in a great mood. And he fully intended to show Brian just how appreciative he was as soon as they got into the shower. Unfortunately, the grouchy, snarling Grizzly Bear Brian that he found in the bathroom wasn't in any mood to play nicely in the shower.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me, Justin?" snarled Grizzly Brian before Justin could even plant his first morning kiss. "I've been walking around like this for fuck knows how long, at the gym even, and nobody said anything? Thank you so fucking much!"

"What the hell are you bitching about now?" Justin sniped back - okay, he was a little better rested but his temper still wasn't back to normal and he didn't approve of his morning greeting.

"THIS!" Grizzly Brian insisted, pointing to his hairy reflection in the mirror. "All this fucking HAIR! When the fuck did this happen and why the hell didn't you say something? I've been walking around at the gym like THIS!"

"What's the big deal, Brian? So what if you've got a little hair on your shoulders and back? Lots of guys do." Justin shook his head at the queen-out and tried to get past Brian to the shower.

"Lots of guys may walk around looking like Yeti, but not me! Fuck it! Why didn't you tell me?" the Grizz refused to let the perpetrator of this heinous crime get past him without some explanation.

"I. . . I thought it was normal?" came Justin's lame answer, which didn't seem to appease the Grizzly Bear in the least. "I just figured you hadn't waxed in a while because of the baby. It's really not that bad, Brian. I didn't think it was such a big deal."

"Fucking A! You thought I was just naturally a fucking bear? A goddamned fucking BEAR?" Brian stomped off, snarling and gnashing his teeth in a very Grizzly Bear manner.

Justin, who hadn't yet had a shower or any caffeine, and who was still a tad sleep deprived, grabbed his face with both hands and scrubbed at his hair and skin while he tried to think fast. It was really too early to have to deal with a major drama queen moment, wasn't it? Was there somewhere he could hide until Grizzly Brian had gotten it out of his system?

"Yes. This is Brian Kinney. I'd like to set up an appointment with Enrique as soon as possible for waxing," Brian's growling voice came from downstairs and prompted Justin to sprint over, grab the phone away and end the call before the bear could get out another word.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Justin?" the Grizzly Bear snarled as Justin retreated with Brian's cell phone still in hand.

"Waxing and depilatories are not recommended during pregnancy, Brian. There isn't sufficient evidence that the chemicals used won't harm the baby," Justin offered up another helpful pregnancy fact in explanation.

"Well, that's just great, isn't it? Another thing that's not good for me! And just what the fuck am I supposed to do for the next five months until this incubus is removed from me? Huh? Tell me that, Mr. PSA! I will NOT be some pathetic, noisy, snoring, fat, shaggy troll for the next five fucking months! I won't! I WON'T!" the howling Grizzly Bear cried in angry desperation.

"I can help you shave it . . . " a cringing Justin ventured.

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!" roared the rampaging Grizzly Bear, who stalked nakedly toward the loft door, pulling it open and slamming it closed behind him (it was really the ONLY door in the loft that could be satisfactorily slammed).

Justin stood there in the middle of the empty loft floor wondering exactly how long the angry Brian Bear was going to be out stomping his naked hairy body around the neighborhood.

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***Quotation from, "Snore", by Robyn Hugo McIntyre. Read the entire short story here: http://litchatliterarysalon.wordpress.com/submissions/general-fiction/robynhugomcintyre/#comment-679