BEFORE I LET GO- CHAPTER ONE

Alex’s pov

I’m having one of the most difficult times trying to wrap my head around the fact that these particular eight men are sitting in front of me and my colleagues. It’s not that any one of them are so perfect or that their relationship is. Hell, I’ve watched for years, as each couple navigated the treacherous pitfalls and tightropes of finding common ground and a willingness to work at being together. Granted it took some of them longer than the others, but once the decision was made, they were solid. So the fact that they are sitting in front of me for a court-appointed couples counseling with abbreviated anger management sessions to be blended in is mind-boggling.

The only good news in all of this is that two of the eight men were already my patients- one formal, the other- well not so much. I think out of the entire group their road was the hardest both individually and collectively. So it’s with great surprise that after all the many battles hard-fought and won, that Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor- otherwise known far and wide on Liberty Avenue as the Kings- are sitting apart as if there is a gulf between them. Based on their body language, I can even tell who is more defensive or which one is more approachable. Justin, who is usually more open with his feelings, has once again become the belligerent young man with the angry blue eyes that I remember from eight- almost nine- years ago.

Seeing him even more closed off than his hazel-eyed counterpart is definitely a sight to behold.

Not knowing how to start a conversation with Justin, I turn to his partner. “Brian, do you want to know why I never took that advice I gave you, out in trade?” I can see the dawn of comprehension in his eyes as he remembers the conversation about Justin we had a little over eight years ago.

“Well you’re the Doc so I know you’ll tell me whether I want to hear it or not,” he answers me in that raspy drawl which has set many hearts aflutter, including the man sitting next to him. But Justin’s posture has not softened even a little towards the man who so obviously has his heart. There was definitely something more to this…

“Because this is a place in your relationship that I never thought either of you would end up. I wouldn’t have wanted to ruin that no matter the deal we made. Why are you guys here?”

“You were in the courtroom when the judge told us that this is what we had to do, Alex.”

“So was Judge Marcus wrong when she said that she wanted you to go through with this before you both made any rash decisions?”

“I- I don’t know.” This was the first time I have ever heard Brian stammer over his answer. There was definitely something wrong between them.

“Justin? What about you?”

Rising gracefully from his seat, Justin stretched himself to his full height and turned towards the door. He looked back over his shoulder before speaking, his eyes still angry but also sad. “I’m not sure what I want to do anymore Alex. I’m not even sure it would matter if I was. Talk to Brian. Whatever he decides is what it will be… for now.”

“Running away again Justin? I swear every time… What is it this time huh? Work? Or another musician waiting for you in the wings?”

Justin swung back around, marching straight up to Brian. I was poised to stop him but I needed to see this particular part of their interaction to give me a baseline of what I might be dealing with. I watched as Justin leaned over into Brian’s face, placing his hands on either side of Brian’s chair.

“Fuck you,” Justin said through gritted teeth, so low that I had to concentrate to hear what was being said. “You know what Brian… I think I’ve changed my mind. I can’t do this anymore.”

Brian swallowed hard. “So what are you saying?”

I knew I had to stop this contretemps before it went any further and they both threw away something that was so worth saving. “He’s saying nothing. Right, Justin?” When the blond man stood up, shrouding himself in that innate dignity he walked through every adversity in his young life with, I hurried to continue. “Look, both of you guys were ordered to be here. The least you can do for yourselves and each other is to try to fix what’s wrong and if it’s unfixable, then at least you can say that you tried.”

“Why do you care?” Justin asked me, tears that he wouldn’t shed shimmering in his eyes.

I knew in that moment that beyond all the anger Justin felt, he was also hurt deeply. But had he told Brian? Looking at the emotional distance between the two, the definite answer was a resounding NO, but the real question was, why not? I also knew that I couldn’t tell Justin why I really cared- that they were my hope that my own relationship would work out; that I would hate to see two of the most compatible men I have ever met allow a space filled with silence to tear them apart. They have fought so many people and each other to get to where they are now.

I can’t see them throwing it all away.

“Call it curiosity and selfishness, if you have to,” I answer Justin, even as Brian sees the half-truth in my eyes. “You’re both running from something and I want to know what it is. More importantly though, I think you owe it to yourselves to tell the other the truth about things from your own perspective.”

“Why? Telling Brian never solves anything especially not when… you know what, I can’t do this today Alex. Not with him and not with you. Brian I’ll see you at home or not. Later.” And with that Justin was gone.

I could feel the eyes staring at me and Brian, as we both watched Justin’s retreating back. While the others looked at us worriedly, there was one who was smirking, as if he’d won some sort of bet or victory. Of course, I’m not surprised that Michael’s ears would be invested in the outcome of what was happening over in our corner of the conference room we’re all seated in. Initially, we were only to set the appointments and get some intake information from our clients. But Brian and Justin’s overt hostility towards each other had been unsettling in the extreme.

“Mr. Novotny, shouldn’t you be tending to your own business with Dr. Monroe, instead of minding Brian and Justin’s?” I ask, my eyes cold and unyielding. I never could stand the obsequious little man, who was also a bit manipulative and territorial especially when it came to Brian Kinney. Somehow, I would have thought that had changed in the last seven years since he’d been married to his husband but…

“Dr. Wilder, anything that affects Brian, affects me. The same for Ted and Emmett.” He says the latter two names as if an afterthought.

“I doubt that,” I mutter, even as I turn my attention back to Brian, who is sitting still and quiet, trying to rein whatever tether that holds him together back in place. Something tells me that if I say the wrong thing just now, Brian is either going to fly into a million pieces or go off the deep end. Neither scenario appeals to me and I doubt it would be conducive to the situation between Brian and Justin either. “So what does your schedule look like this week Brian?” Once again, I notice the satellite dishes that are disguised as Michael Novotny’s ears perking up, waiting for the question to be answered. So instead of requesting a verbal answer, I pass Brian my appointment book, telling him that we can work around his and Justin’s schedules; that the appointments needed are for both individual and collective sessions.

“Can I get back to you about the joint sessions? I don’t know what his schedule looks like lately. He hasn’t…” Brian sighed, even as he continued to fill in the spaces for his individual appointments.

“It’s okay Brian. I know what you are trying to say. I imagine that it hasn’t been easy to live the way you two have for I can’t imagine how long. How long since you’ve re-entered the land of non-communication?”

“It’s actually pretty hard to tell. One day we were fine and the next… well let’s just say that if we aren’t arguing or fucking then we’re silent or apart. I know that he wants to tell me something, but I don’t know if I want to hear what it is.”

“I told you that fucking twink was going to leave you again Brian…” Michael’s whine breaks into our conversation again.

“I swear if you spent half as much time on our relationship as you do minding Brian’s with Justin, we wouldn’t be sitting here too, Michael!”

And I don’t think I have ever heard Michael’s partner Ben yell, or at the very least be so forceful, with the other man. I think I just figured out part of the problem and I don’t think it originates with Brian and Justin, although they each have the choice to feed it or not.

“But Ben….”

“But nothing Michael! I’m so tired… you know what? I think I will take a page out of Justin’s book and leave before I wonder if this is even worth saving.”

“Fine. I’ll just get a ride with Brian then and see you at home Honey, okay?”

If looks could kill Michael would have been murdered by his husband in that moment. “How about asking Brian if he minds? Jesus Michael, he may need some time alone, but you don’t think about anything but what you want, do you?”

“Oh Brian doesn’t mind,” Michael tells Ben, shrugging his shoulders as if Brian’s job as his chauffeur is a foregone conclusion. Sadly, he isn’t done with his opinions and observations either. “Besides it might do well for him and Justin to be apart right now. Now that I think about it Ben, we may stop over at Woody’s. I’m sure Brian can use a drink and maybe some mindless fucking before going home to argue with Justin again. So don’t wait up.”

“Does he do that often?” I ask Brian, who has apparently drowned out all of the conversation flowing around him.

“Hm... who and what are you talking about?”

“Michael. Didn’t you just hear him planning your night right before Ben left and while you were sitting here apparently mute?”

“I’ve learned long ago to turn my ears off to the incessant whine if I want to save my sanity,” Brian tells me.

“Does that extend to Justin too?”

“More often than not lately.”

“Could that be the reason he thinks what he wants no longer matters?”

“Who knows what thoughts enter into the Twat’s mind at the most inopportune times. It’s not like I haven’t asked him what’s wrong.”

I look at the brunet in front of me. How could everyone around him be so blind? I think even Justin has stopped seeing Brian’s pain, being blinded by his own. But I think that’s happening in reverse too. If Brian and Justin don’t get it together, there definitely will be another musician, and this time it might be a permanent separation whether there is an affair or not.

I wrote on a piece of paper because Mr. Big Ears was still dividing his attention between his own intake and our area. Meet me at the bar in the William Penn 7pm. I’ll call Justin myself to let him know and ask if he wants to join us.

He looked at his watch before writing, Then you should call him now. If I know Justin, he’s just made it home and is changing into his painting clothes. If he makes it to the studio, you can forget it. On second thought, I’ll call him.

Okay but don’t argue with him Brian. So with two and a half hours to kill, what are you going to do about that Michael-sized millstone around your neck? You know he told Ben that he would be with you tonight. How are you going to handle the guilt-inducing tantrum when he finds out differently?

Brian smiled that enigmatic smile of his… Watch!

Fumbling with his phone until he found the right ringtone, he turned up his phone on full volume, blasting Bobby Brown’s My Prerogative, which usually meant that Brian was receiving a business call. Brian put the phone up to his ear even as Michael commenced to whining that he promised to take him home since Ben left and that they were supposed to go to Woody’s and, and, and… I decided that this constant interference and entitled harassment must be what was causing the breakdown between Brian and Justin. If not, it was enabling the real issues to spiral out of control by becoming the ready excuse not to deal with the underlying problems. Based on the fact that Brian hadn’t told Judge Melanie Marcus to go fuck herself, I think it proves that he really does want to work things out with Justin, even if he doesn’t know where to begin.

He and Mel have a long history and for her to order this for each of the men, she must know something that we as the counselors don’t. I guess at seven p.m., I’ll have a better idea of what I’m dealing with. In the meantime, I have to meet with the others. Maybe this different approach I have in mind will work here. Since my clients are having a communication issue- first and foremost- I think I have a way for them to say what they need to say without arguing or fear of starting a fight.

Going by the reasons these other couples are in therapy, it may be the way to move across the board. It will allow for them to become proactive instead of reactive. And judging by the way Justin stormed out of here earlier, it may be the only hope I have of saving the Royal Couple of Liberty Avenue. Fucking hell, how did they come to this?!     

BARRY’S POV

I swear, I will never understand how I keep drawing these borderline psychotic cases. I thought the Hendersons were bad with her addiction to porn and his sore dick. I’ve never met someone who acquired a mistress just to have somewhere to sleep uninterrupted by his own wife’s sexual demands. Most men would kill to have a wife who wanted sex more than he did but Alfred Henderson’s sore dick was on the brink of taking a permanent vacation so I guess I could sympathize as an owner of that particular appendage. But still Freda Henderson’s addiction cannot begin to compare to the one Michael Novotny seems to have with a man, not his husband.

As they sit before me, I take in Benjamin Bruckner’s almost defeated posture as his husband goes on and on about his best friend, whose partner just left. He’s been prattling on about the Taylor-Kinneys since he sat down which was twenty minutes ago. I can’t help but wonder what attracted Ben to Michael in the first place. They seem mismatches in every single way that matters. Oh, I know the adage that states opposites attract but this is almost… ludicrous.

Michael’s voice alone would grate on my nerves, but it’s his fixation with Brian Kinney that is ringing bells of Obsessive Friend Disorder. Although he hits several markers that would render that an accurate diagnosis, I still think it goes deeper than that.

“Michael, I really wish you would pay attention to our business and leave Brian and Justin to their own. I swear if you spent half as much time on our relationship as you do minding Brian’s with Justin, we wouldn’t be sitting here too, Michael!”

“Brian is my business, Ben. I thought you understood that. You always said you did. But Ben…”

“But nothing, Michael! I’m so tired… you know what? I think I will take a page out of Justin’s book and leave before I wonder if this is even worth saving.”

“Fine. I’ll just get a ride with Brian then and see you at home, Honey. Okay?”

“How about asking Brian if he minds? Jesus! Michael, he may need some time alone, but you don’t think about anything but what you want, do you?”

“Oh Brian doesn’t mind. Besides it might do well for him and Justin to be apart right now. Now that I think about it Ben, we may stop over at Woody’s. I’m sure Brian can use a drink, and maybe some mindless fucking before going home to argue with Justin again. So don’t wait up.”

I don’t think there are any words in the human language to describe how Ben looked at him just then. It was a mixture of anger, hurt, outrage and disillusionment. I firmly believe that he’s going to contemplate whether his partnership is worth saving. Any other person in Michael’s predicament would be begging his husband to reconsider, actually showing him that he’s interested in saving what should be the most important relationship in his life. Instead Mr. Novotny just sits there, making plans in his head that don’t include Ben, ears attuned to what his going on around him with his other friends.

I’m beginning to understand where Ben ranks in the grand scheme of Michael’s life, but I have to ask him anyway. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

“What exactly?”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I already know just by his response that this will be the one patient that will either make me prove I’ve earned my degree or turn it in for pushing him into oncoming traffic before turning myself in at the police station. He’s infuriating to a degree that I really admire Ben Bruckner’s patience in not doing the humane thing and putting Michael out of his own misery, let alone everyone else’s. “Doesn’t it bother you that your partner chose not to share space with you anymore, while you’re still sitting here waiting for your best friend, who has just walked out the door?”

“What?” Michael’s ears perk up at the mention that Brian has left the building. “Brian!!!! Briiiiaaaannnnn!!” He screams out as he heads toward the exit, leaving all of us stunned by his actions, including his other friends, who actually don’t seem as shocked but appalled. Coming back to the table, he flounces down in his chair. “I can’t believe he left me after he said we would hang out after leaving here.”

“He did not say that at all. In fact, he gave a noncommittal grunt while he ignored you and tended to his own session. Michael, don’t you see that you and Ben are in trouble because of your behavior towards Brian and the others?”

“What are you talking about? Ben and I are fine. He knows how important Brian is to me. Ted and Emmett too, but especially Brian. We’ve been best friends since we were fourteen. Nothing’s going to change that.”

“Not even Ben? He’s your husband, shouldn’t he be your best friend now?”

“Ben understands his place in my life.” He tells me, smugly.

“That’s blindly evident since you’re sitting here without your life partner. Don’t you see anything wrong with this picture?”

“No, except that Melanie was being a bitch by ordering us to see you. I’ll never understand what she was thinking.”

“That perhaps she didn’t want to see any of you end up in divorce court over something that was fixable? Come on Mr. Novotny, you can’t be that blind.”

“I’m not blind. And Ben he’s… well he’s just fine with the way things are. Since he isn’t here though, I’ll have to call you to schedule the appointments. I was going to try to get them the same time as Brian and the twink that wouldn’t go away, but first I have to find out when they are.”

“Out of curiosity, why do you still call Mr. Taylor ‘the twink that wouldn’t go away’? Brian and Justin have been together for years, breaking up officially only once. In fact, they have been together longer than you and Mr. Bruckner.”

“No, they haven’t! And besides it’s only a matter of time before that fucking blond leaves again just like he did the last time. First it was the fiddler, then it was L.A., then New York; he’s always looking for the bigger better deal.”

“The first one was because you minded business that wasn’t yours. The second time benefitted you, nevermind that you tricked him to go by using Brian, and convincing him to speak your own wishes. As for the third time, that was for the advancement of his career as an artist. By all accounts, it was the right move at the time since he's successful, and you're just your usual unaccomplished self riding your friends' coattails, sowing dischord wherever you feel like it.” Another blond man interjects.

I remember Blake Wyzecki, a young man who was deeply into drugs at one time and who turned his life around for the better. I can’t help but wonder why he and his mild-mannered partner are sitting in this room. To the outside world, they never seem to have problems. Both are genuinely supportive of the other, but the fact that Judge Marcus ordered them here as well, is proof that no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

“No one asked you, junkie! And it’s not true.”

“It actually is, and you’re one to talk about being a junkie. I may have been addicted to tangible substances, but your addiction is even more detrimental to your mental health than mine ever was. Yours is about to cost you your marriage.”

“Blake, leave Michael alone,” Ted addresses him.

“Huh? Really? You know, I guess I should, since you all never seem to. You know, I’ve had just about enough of Michael AND YOU. And I can't stand another minute of it. I guess I’ll see you at home, whenever your master decides to free you.” Blake said, before he turned and walked out.

“Great Ted, now that he’s gone, you can give me a ride,” Michael insinuates, as Ted continues to watch Blake leave.

Sighing deeply, he turns to Michael. “Sure. I just need to finalize things with Brian regarding an account.”

“All you guys do is work! Save it for another day, will you? Besides Brian left me here awhile ago. We were supposed to go to Woody’s," Michael says piteously, before brightening. "Hey, why don’t we go? I’m sure Blake and Ben can use some time alone after their tantrums.”

I’m standing here pretty much in shock, seeing just what the real problem is. Michael has the ability to whine a person into submission, and they are all guilty of bowing to his wishes simply to shut him up. It’s like these men are so used to doing it that they don’t even realize the harm it’s caused to their significant others. I have to point this out, otherwise it won’t stop. Well it technically will, because the marriages will be destroyed by then, and the only one who will be happy about it is the grown man with the voice of a five year old.

God have mercy, how am I going to get through sessions with him? But more importantly, how am I going to get through to him?   

DUKE’S POV

I know I have to speak to the others, but right now I have my hands full with my two clients.

“You see that, Emmett? You wanna tell me again how catering to Michael is harmless?”

“Drewsie, I never said that it was harmless; merely the lesser of two evils,” Emmett answers, exasperation dripping in his voice.

“Well what is the other evil? Because as far as I’m concerned, this is stemming from you all letting Michael have full rein. I didn’t sign up to be ruled by Novotny; I thought I wanted to be with you. But between our schedules and Michael’s demands…”

“Wait! What do you mean, you ‘thought’ you wanted to be with me? I thought you decided that you were finished playing the field. Has that changed?”

“No, it hasn’t, but you have. Or I would like to think you did, because the Emmett Honeycutt that I met all those years ago would never let a militant midget like Michael Novotny rule him the way you are- the way you ALL are- doing! And you know what, Em? I’m tired of it. Something has got to change.”

“Or what?”

Drew stiffened his spine. “Or I’ll change it for myself. I refuse to be held fucking captive by a whining twerp who, because he’s unhappy with his own life, chooses to make everyone else just as miserable as he is. But you, Ted, and Brian can’t see that, can you? All you hear is that Michael whines and you all go running. Well I can’t speak on what the three of you are going to do, but I know that I’m tired. Ben is tired. Blake is tired. And Justin is fucking TIRED, since he’s been putting up with the Michael Novotny cockblocking methods a lot longer than any of the rest of us.”

“Drew…”

“No Emmett, you have a choice to make. Me or Michael, that’s the way of it. I’m not going to be the rest of them, wasting my time and hoping that shit will change. I’m willing to give this therapy thing a shot. But at the end of it, if nothing changes Emmett, I’m gone. And no matter how much it hurts, I won’t look back.” Drew rose out of his seat and left the conference room, leaving a stunned and hurt Emmett in his wake.

“I- I don’t know what to do. When we didn’t have partners, all we had was each other. Now Drew is ready to ditch me because of one of my best friends.”

“Emmett, you have to understand where Drew is coming from. How many hours up until this point have you and he worked? How many days out of this month alone have you seen each other?”

“Well since the month is almost over, I would say about six days so far, including today,” he answers, through the sniffles.

“And where were you for most of last week when both you and he had off? Were you spending time together as most couples would?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was in P-town with…”

“With your best friends?”

“Yes. But it wasn’t like that!”

“Well what was it like then?” Getting Emmett to see his part in this debacle will be a little difficult. Not because he doesn’t want to know, but because he’s a guilt-monger. He will see the error of his ways, but then feel embarrassed because of his inability to say no to his friends. Or ONE friend, in particular. He will feel like he’s letting someone down if he has to choose.

Getting Emmett to actually choose what’s right for himself will be the real issue.

“Michael and Ben had a huge fight, and Michael thought that because we were all having some problems at home, that we should go away to have a partner-free week. You know, live like we were in our twenties again, without partners or responsibility. And that was fine, until we came back and realized that while we were gone, our left-behind-mates had formed a bond of their own. Whereas some of us didn’t really mind it, even though it was a shock at first…”

“Michael couldn’t stand it?”

“How did you know?”

“Emmett, I’m going to break code here and tell you the one thing that you can’t seem to see for yourself right now. Michael is the real problem you are having with Drew.” He goes to interrupt, but I stay him with my hand. “I don’t want you to dismiss or refute mine or Drew’s claim out of turn just yet. I’m going to rely on you to take an honest look for yourself. You are an intelligent man Emmett; more intelligent than you let on at times. It keeps people at bay, and from expecting too much out of you. I understand, and I suspect that Brian and Ted know this, as well. But they still allow you to be flighty, showing just enough wisdom to keep from being called upon to make the tough decisions. You are not stupid by any means, but take comfort in being thought of as such. I wonder why that is, but I suspect you will tell me when you are ready. In the meantime, I want you to recall every single instance since you all became involved in relationships, where Michael has called you to ditch your partner in favor of helping him through whatever crisis he was having at the moment. When you do it, I want you to pay close attention to what you were doing, about to do, or had just finished doing. I think once you do this little exercise, some answers will become even more clear to you.”

“You really think so?”

I nod. “As I’ve said, Emmett, you’re a very astute man. Sadly though, you use that particular gift so sparingly that it has left you in a position where you have to choose between your partner and your supposed friend.”

Emmett gets up from the table, following the path that Ted and Michael had just taken. I really hope that he will take my advice to heart, and really look at his relationship with Michael Novotny. I can’t say whether the little man is bad or good, but in my opinion he is a pest. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him. I’m definitely feeling sorry for Barry and Alex, who will have to deal with the most traumatizing effects of the man.  

BERNARD’S POV

Once the conference room cleared out, we all decided to join Alex at his table. We needed to come up with a definitive course of action to help these couples. Melanie is counting on us to save them for whatever reason. I know she knows them all, and has for a long time. It also means that she knows their strengths, weaknesses, faults, and triumphs.

I have a feeling that each of us will be seeking her counsel at various points in the days ahead.

“So what do you guys think?” I ask, taking the seat closest to Barry. He and Alex are having their own problems, but I’ve vowed not to interfere, even if they are two of my best friends. They’re problem is that one wants children, while the other is happy the way they are. I don’t know how they intend to resolve it, but I agree with both of them. No one should have kids if they don’t want them, and no one should be denied the right to have them if they do. They’ve been together since freshman year of college and have been monogamous for the past four years. The first ten years of their relationship was a lot like the Taylor-Kinneys. Which brings up another question. “Alex, how come no one except us in this room knows that Brian and Justin have been married for far more than three years?”

“Believe it or not, it was Justin’s idea. He didn’t want Brian’s friends to shit all over their union,” he tells us.

“Surely they wouldn’t do that, right? Maybe that is the reason Michael is acting the way he is?” Duke asks.

“Honestly, this level of clinginess is tame compared to how Michael would act if he found out that Brian and Justin entered an LDP. He’s reverted to how he was in the earlier days of Brian and Justin’s relationship. In fact, I think he may actually be a little worse,” Alex informs all of us. "This time it isn’t just Brian pulling away from him, but also Ted and Emmett. It was always fine if Michael was the only one of them in a steady, acknowledged relationship, but once Brian and Justin- who have been together the longest- made a public declaration and Ted then Emmett followed suit, it’s like he feels he needs to restore order to all of their lives. Hence the reason for partner-free week.”

“Fuck, that seems to have just driven all of the problems to the forefront,” I say.

“It has, in more ways than you can imagine, which brings us to my idea. I think we should have the guys write letters. I know we all have our own individual plans for getting our couples back on track, but think about the things they refuse to say to each other. We don’t know why usually outspoken men are choosing to clam up, unless it’s in anger and they’re arguing. This may well be the most effective way for them to communicate right now,” Alex suggests.

“Thinking about what just happened with Emmett, I think you may have a point. It isn’t that he was holding himself back, but is afraid of disappointing people, be it his friends or his lover. Emmett has to be able to find a way to put himself first. I think somewhere along the way, he’s forgotten how,” Duke confides.

“I think the same is going for Ted and Blake, but it’s a little different. I don’t know what it is, but I think they are thinking of using again. When they were those people, it made being angry easy. Consequently, it also made them brutally honest to the point just shy of being deliberately cruel. Right now, they are both angry, but afraid of what that anger will do to the other while sober. In rehab, they are taught to rationalize and strive for patience in each of their interactions. Sadly, that theory isn’t going to get the results they both need right now. A little bit of it came out when Michael insulted Blake, but that was the easy part, as it often is. Being mad at a friend or stranger is much easier than dealing with a live-in partner. These letters might be the key to helping Ted and Blake verbalize what’s bothering them again.”

“So we’re all agreed? Barry, is there anything you would like to add?” Alex asks.

“Just that I don’t know how successful I’ll be with such a method. You’ve heard Michael talk.”

“But he did write a successful comic.”

“True but this is different than writing ‘POW,’ ‘ZIP’ and ‘ZOOM’ on a page. Sadly, that’s exactly the kind of shit I expect to get.”

“He may surprise you,” I offer and let me tell you, if looks could kill, we’d all be dead.

“Look, I’m willing to try this and look for the best while doing it. But I’ll be honest in telling you that I expect the worst. It’s not that I worry about Ben being able to formulate his thoughts logically and coherently, he’s a writer so he should be. But Michael… just talking to him tries the patience to the point of wanting to mix meds and alcohol; I can only imagine what his writing will make me want to do.”

“Let’s try it for a month and see what the results are, okay?” Alex asks, and reluctantly Barry nods. “In the meantime, I think we should call them the ‘Strawberry Letters.’”

“Really? Why?” I ask, intrigued with the name.

“Because just as with the fruit, they can either be bitter or sweet. I think the hate mail portion of the exercise is going to be especially difficult to deal with. I have an idea on how to go about it with Brian and Justin and it actually may make it easier for them.”

“What’s the plan?”

“Let me run it by them first and then I’ll tell you guys. I’m just hoping that Mel’s faith in me isn’t misplaced. I’m dealing with two extraordinarily stubborn men who also have more passion and love for each other than I’ve ever seen. The problem is that love sometimes isn’t enough. If they feel that they are more of a hinderance than a help to their partner, they will leave without a second thought. Brian has done that more than a few times. The problem this time is that I think Justin will let him. I think he’s done fighting.”

We all sat there for a minute and absorbed Alex’s preliminary opinion on the matter. We’ve each watched Brian and Justin Taylor-Kinney over the years and have seen the tremendous growth the men had from the early days of their relationship where Brian wouldn’t even acknowledge that it was one. Despite Justin’s age, or maybe because of it, they had kept their relationship open so that Justin would never feel as if he was missing anything a young man should experience. We all watched them fight their way through the bashing and Stockwell’s attempt to sabotage Brian’s career; the rise of Brian Kinney businessman and Justin Taylor, artist extraordinaire. We’ve cheered in their triumphs and cried during their sorrows, just as most of the Liberty Avenue regulars have. To see them end would be devastating. More than anything, we had to get the other couples right within their own relationships so that Brian and Justin could repair theirs free and clear. There aren’t two men on this earth who deserve to be together more than the Taylor-Kinneys.

“You do whatever needs to be done Alex. And we’ll do our part to fix the other couples. Maybe the key to Michael’s behavior is that he is slow to accept change unless he’s the one doing it,” Barry offered.

“That’s a big part of it,” Alex confirmed. “But he has to realize that life doesn’t stop or revolve around him. Time marches on and so does everyone else. What he’s trying to do to keep that from happening is ruining lives. But of course, in Michael’s mind, he’s saving his friends. Always wanting to be the superhero even though what he’s really doing is helping them sabotage themselves. I have a meeting with Brian and Justin tonight. Hopefully they can be in the same place and not want to kill each other.”

We all said our goodbyes and wished Alex luck. If Justin’s departure earlier was any indication of how bad things have really gotten between Brian and Justin, he was going to need it.