FIRE and ICE: BOOK II: CHAPTER 3

EMMETT

As Drewsie and Blake talk to finalize plans for Tampa, my mind keeps flipping back to the revelations of the afternoon so far. I’m so bothered by everything that is just now coming to the light. I mean, FUCK! We could’ve been there for them. I’ve pretty much always been Team Justin, at first because it was a way to needle Brian, but then because of who Justin was, is, and has grown to be, which is a phenomenal young man with more sense than some of us older folks. But then, I’m reminded of something Jennifer once said to me some years ago about Brian and Justin.

“Emmett honey, you’re a smart man. Stick to the adage of believe half of what you see and none of what you hear where my sons are concerned.”

“What do you mean? Everyone knows Brian and Justin’s story. They live out loud and proud.”

“Oh Darling, no one really knows their story; only the bits and pieces that happen in public, and not even me. However, if you look closely like I did, you’ll be able to see what’s real, and not the conclusions certain people would have you believe. The only people with the power to break them up, is Brian and Justin, but until they discover that, and begin to live that one fundamental truth, they will keep running into their problems, instead of solving them for good.”

I always wondered what she met when she said that, and now I think I finally understand. I also think I can comprehend why they kept their marriage a secret, even while everything they were doing and have done since getting back together screamed commitment. Undeniably, Brian and Justin are extremely private people. Yet it’s clear to anyone who would but look, how deeply they love each other. Teddy and I have remarked on it many times in the past when we were by ourselves; we dared not utter such sentiments in the presence of Michael. But as I think back over all the times we were together post-Stockwell, it’s all clear to me now.

At first glance, Ted and I thought that poverty was making them closer. I mean, Justin was working his life away just for them to eat and have moderate utilities, while Brian was steadily trying to find a job after being let go from Vanguard. Thank God for that clause Melanie, in all her former venom had put in! She had meant it for evil at the time, but it turned out to be a great thing for Brian. The litigation took several closed door meetings, but ultimately, Brian came out on top and Justin right along with him. They ended up with more than enough start up money, a reward for the wrongful termination lawsuit, and money for Brian to pay off all the debt he incurred while keeping our happy Homo haven safe. Then L.A. and New York happened, but through it all Brian and Justin continued to work like mad, building Kinnetik and JTDesigns from the ground up.While Remson Pharmaceuticals was Brian’s first Kinnetik client, Brett Keller was Justin’s first JTD client. They were literally conquering both coasts while apart and yet, they were never more together. It’s funny what you notice when you take off the Novotny colored glasses and look in hindsight with fresh eyes.

So now I understand what Jennifer was trying to tell me that long ago evening. If time and distance couldn’t keep them apart; if all the tricks in the world couldn’t come between them despite the fact that they were living separate lives for a time, then nothing and no one could. Ultimately, it’s their decision whether they stay or go. I’m praying that they stay! Which brings me to my own dilemma with Drewsie…

I have already made up my mind to tell him everything, but the question is when? Should I arrange to meet with Justin privately through Alex, to disclose what I know so that he can deal with it in therapy just as I will? Or do I wait until after he finally discloses it to Brian, if that happens, that is? It’s bothered me for a long time, and whereas I don’t really want to talk about it with Duke, I know that I must. This is one of the two deep-seated secrets that have been tearing me up inside and dimming my light a little at a time. The drive to never again be put in the position of helplessness that led to Justin being at Sap’s party in the first place, keeps me working my fingers to the bone and my brain down to the white meat.

Yeah, when I arrived in the Pitts, I found myself in a desperate situation much like Justin’s, only mine was to get money to pay my rent so that I could drug within the privacy of my own abode where no one could see and criticize me. Justin’s situation was for a much more noble reason. Yet how different were they really? Mine was to keep my home while Justin was trying to contribute to the home he was staying in and trying to pay for school. Somewhat different reasons for our actions, but the basic concept was the same: survival. Justin wanted to contribute so that he would never be kicked out again; I wanted to money so that I still had a home to go to. My job at Torso just wasn’t paying enough for the rent, but it was enough to keep dancing with Lady Crystal for a time. Fucking, and fucking around with lowlifes paid better. Except on that one fateful night…

I came home battered and bruised from a three-day fuckfest, and two grand in my pocket, only to discover that I no longer had a home in which to lay my head. The hooker down the hall had gotten a little wild with her john and knocked over several candles which ultimately resulted in a five-alarm fire. So the money burning a hole in my pocket forced me to make a critical decision, even within my depression of losing my meager belongings and relative safety net… either find somewhere else to live, or die of an overdose. Although the latter was beyond tempting, I chose the former and didn’t go back to Crystal again… until Teddy.

“What’s got you over here looking both pensive and maudlin at the same time, Em?” Drew asks me. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t see or hear him approach.

“Many things, but I’ll have to tell you about them another time.”

“I figured, but if it helps, you’re not alone.”

I smiled then. “It does, but today is for us to get to know this beautiful place. I think it will be good for us to do that, don’t you?”

“Yeah. With the exception of having a Novotny present, the island really does seem peaceful.”

“I suspect we’ll know just how much once we get to our corner of it.”

“I thought so, too.” Drew looks down at his ringing cell phone at the same time mine goes off.

I roll my eyes when I see exactly who is calling me. Michael. I’m debating on answering it when the phone is unceremoniously taken from my hand. “Ah, Duke…”

“Sometimes silence is golden, Emmett. This is one of those times. If you had given into your first inclination to answer the phone just now, what do you think the conversation would be?”

I sigh, because I know he’s right. “It would have been about all the wrongs done to him and how I stood there and let it happen. Oh why, can’t he just get a clue that he’s brought all his misery to himself?”

Duke shakes his head. “I don’t know, Emmett. But I will tell you, that one has to want to seek the clue in the first place. No answer in this universe is just simply given without a question being asked, even if it’s not done aloud.”

I chuckle. “You know, my aunt Lula said something similar to me once. It was when I was debating about leaving Hazelhurst. She said, ‘Child, you can stay here and become a blue-collar mess like your family or get out there and become one of them white-collar folk with a house on the hill. Do yourself a favor and want more out of life than for it to just happen to you. Get out there and learn how to design your life.’”

“Your Aunt Lula sounds like a wise woman,” he tells me.

“She was. Even in that podunk town, she was larger than the hand life dealt her and she never settled. She stayed because she wanted to, not because she was afraid to leave. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. She died not too long after I had gotten Queer Eye for Everybody’s Eye. And now, I’m one of them white-collar folk with a house on a hill she talked about.”

“Yes, you are Emmett Honeycutt-Boyd. And you are not about to let your own metaphorical Hazelhurst Revisited bring you down to his level. Today is for you and Drew to get to know the island and to have inconsequential conversations; to just learn how to have fun with each other again. You can’t do that if you’re spending your valuable time listening to the incessant whining of a man without a clue. Besides, I need your phone for the rest of the afternoon… well at least until dinner time.”

“Why?” I’m genuinely curious since Duke should have his own phone. He is a doctor after all.

“I need to pull some information off of the phone cloud. Don’t worry, we are all doing it for our clients. Justin said something to Brian at the airport that really has us all a bit puzzled.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He said that you all were sent text messages, emails, and the like, but the calls were either ignored or answered by…”

“Michael? No. That’s impossible! Our phones didn’t ring and by the time I tried to reach out to Drew, he wasn’t answering.”

“And that’s where the discrepancy of events is right now. You are saying something remarkably similar to what Brian and Ted have said. The one thing we do know, is that with Iphones, which you all have, that there is a cloud in which information is stored even when erased and no longer on the device itself. We’re hoping that if there were any messages, they are there and can be printed up. Sadly, we may not be able to retrieve any voicemails, but then again, there may be a way to get those too. In the meantime, not having your electronic leash will give you and Drew time to focus on each other instead of business and stalkerish phone calls. It will also absolve you of your guilty conscience of evading Michael’s calls.”

“You know, for someone who is really just meeting me, you seem to know me pretty damn well,” I tell him, marveling at how true the statement is.

“When you’ve been in the profession as long as we all have, reading actions and body language becomes almost second nature. In fact, sometimes it’s hard to turn the medical diagnosis portion of our brains off. Which reminds me, the thing that you were so deep in thought about a few short moments ago, stop thinking of it right now. We’ll address whatever it is tomorrow during your first session. The anxiety was pouring off of you in waves, so I know that you’ll need help to put the situation into its proper perspective. For tonight, give your mind a break, okay?”

I drop my eyes and nod. “It’s just that… well…”

He lays his hand on my shoulder. “Tomorrow.”

I nod at him as Drew comes upon us. “Everything okay?” he asks.

I smile up at him. I know it’s not my best or brightest, but it is genuine. “Yeah, Drewsie. Duke just stopped me from answering Michael’s calls. Now that would have been a disaster.”

“Yeah it would’ve. But I just got off the phone with Justin. He’s going to send some manpower to Tampa on Blake’s behalf to move things along. Hopefully the relocation can happen even sooner than next Wednesday. Brian and Justin authorized Kinnetik to be closed and all in-house appointments to be rescheduled beginning Thursday of next week so that Cynthia can go down there and do what she does best.”

“Damn… I almost feel sorry for Blake’s relatives. She’s like Brian if he ever decided to have a sex change and don a pair of Manolos. Scary!”

Drew laughed. “Both literally and figuratively. I think it would be for him, too.” He turns to Duke then. “So Justin told me that I needed to hand my phone over to you for the afternoon?”

Our counselor smiles. “Yeah, but don’t worry. If any calls come through pertaining to Blake, I’ll get your phone back to you posthaste. It shouldn’t take long to pull up the information and compile it. So you should have it back by dinner.”

“No problem by me. In fact, if nutjob Novotny calls, feel free to drop my phone in the ocean. Not that I think he would really call me, but in his quest to get to Emmett, I don’t doubt he’ll try anything to meet his end.”

“Well, Michael is nothing if not persistent…” I add.

“True, but my nutjob comment also extends to his walking umbilical cord named Debbie. I know how you feel about her, Em, but a large part of Michael’s problems and sense of entitlement stem from her. I don’t know that I can forgive that as easily as the rest of you do.”

“I know, Drewsie. I promise not to answer any calls from her for today. I don’t know about tomorrow because it isn’t here yet and I don’t want to have to decide that. So can it be enough that I promise for now? I have to make the choice everyday for it to be truly genuine, Drew. You understand that, don’t you?” I look pleadingly into his eyes. It was one thing that I remember about Brian’s ‘no locks on the doors statement’. He gave Justin the opportunity to choose him everyday, instead of their relationship turning into one of obligation, at least until they were sure of who and what they wanted. It was one of the ultimate and most unselfish gifts Brian had ever given Justin: the freedom of choice.

“Yes, Em. I can live with that. Although I won’t deny wishing that you could promise it right now, I do understand why it’s going to be hard for you. I don’t like it, but I do understand it.”

I hug him close and lay my head in the crook of his neck. “Thank you, Drewsie.”

DREW

It was time to officially start healing… If this is concession is the only one that stands in the way of that happening, allowing him the freedom of choice is no hardship. I just hope he continues to choose us, but only time will tell.