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THE WIFE OR THE MISTRESS: BOOK TWO: CHAPTER 7: REVELATIONS Part 3


TED


Ben is basically sitting here in shock alongside the rest of us. As situation after situation is uncovered, it’s so hard to believe that we have all been so blind and secretive, willingly allowing for this chaos to happen within our lives.


Ben voices all of our thoughts. “I can’t believe that Michael is the cause of all this devastation. Hell, I married him, yet it feels like I didn’t know him at all! It makes me wonder what kind of person I am to have fallen for his boy-next-door act so thoroughly that even I’m questioning my own intelligence.”


“Honey, you can’t do that…” Emmett protests.


“Why not? I mean it’s true, isn’t it?”


“Because if you do that, Ben, you make all of us question our own,” Brian answers him. “Just because we were all willfully blind, it doesn’t make any of us stupid.”


“He’s right, Ben,” I interject. “We have all just… overlooked the most offensive parts of Michael’s personality for the sake of having- of creating- the family none of us have. No, it was in not listening to the ‘outsiders’ and their observations that we were less than stellar in the intelligence department. When I think back on it, and putting aside the obvious aversion Justin, Blake, and Drew have had regarding Michael from the outset of our relationships, over half of the Liberty Avenue population couldn’t have been wrong.”


“Teddy…”


“No, Emmett. Think about it, then admit it! We’ve all heard things over the years about him and Deb’s tendency to act as if we’re their personal possessions, even if we didn’t want to believe what we were hearing. Her earlier rant, and now all the lies and underhanded bullying coming to light, is proof of what we’ve been warned about coming to pass.”


“What were you warned about?” Bernard asks.


“That someday Michael would do something to one or all of us that just wouldn’t be able to be overlooked; that all his sneaking around and machinations would come out, and ruin the best things- the best people- that ever happened to each of us. The fact that we couldn’t see what he was doing, and that we’ve always included him when we shouldn’t have, gave Michael the perfect ammunition to wreak havoc on our relationships.”


“I see,” Bernard nods. “So does he also know just how close you are to using again?”


“Ted?” Blake questions, but I can’t address him yet. I can feel the heat of his eyes on the side of my face, as I continue to look directly at Bernard- partly in anger, and the other part in embarrassment.


“You haven’t yet, have you?” Brian asks, sounding like he is genuinely concerned for me. But what’s strange is that I don’t think he’s outright accusing me of doing anything about it. That was something I spent most of my time more than half expecting when knowledge of my secret thoughts got out.


“No. Instead, I threw myself wholeheartedly into work, and stayed away from Blake so that my struggle wouldn’t break him. I never wanted you to know until I had the urges back under control, Blake. You understand that right?”


He nods slowly. “I do, since it was the same grief I was trying to spare you. Only my struggles with it have been a bit more intense since they were happening mostly when I was at work.”


“Blake, you have to tell him what’s been going on,” Bernard advises, and I don’t like the sound of that ominous statement. “Give him the chance to understand what you have been going through, and allow him at long last to be here for you. I’ve told you that you’ll both need each other, Blake. If you’re going to trust him, and trust IN him, then now is the time to do that.”


My friend, my lover, my counselor, my EVERYTHING, is sitting so silently for several minutes. I can feel the anxiety and the war going on within him, even as I’m struggling to hold back my own fears at being so exposed in this moment. But I know the moment when he decides to take Bernard’s advice and tell me all of it. “Sean is at the rehab, Teddy. He came in telling everyone that he wants help to get clean, but that’s not his real purpose for being there.”


“What is?”


“Tino.”


“Tino?”


“Yes. The same Tino, who was my dealer. He’s been accosting me whenever I leave the rehab, even when I just go out on break or lunch, which is why I stopped. The last time I went out to meet you and Brian at Luigi’s, I cancelled because he was waiting for me as he always is. Instead, I ordered in, thinking that I’d escaped him, but it didn’t work. He had the delivery guy give me the message that he would wait me out if he had to, but I was going to do what he wanted since- clean or not- he OWNED me. And that if I continued to run from him, he would make sure you and everyone else I held dear paid for my disobedience. The call from Diane came the night I was supposed to meet him.”


I swallowed past the lump that formed in my throat. I knew what all of that meant, even if the other guys didn’t. And now, I had an idea of just what Darius’ wink meant. If Blake relapsed- however, unwillingly- there wasn’t a question that I would have, too. And with all the access to Brian and Justin’s money… But I had to ask the question anyway. “Is that why you are so sure that nothing, including being secluded on this island, can protect you?”


He nods. “Yes, Ted. It is. The whispers about Tino’s wants have no doubt been running rampant in our little corner of the world for some time now. He’s lost a lot of money since I’m no longer his biggest moneymaker, both when dealing and other… things. And we can all be sure that the rumors reached the one set of ears we all would have rather been made deaf long since. Tino is Michael’s perfect weapon against me, and my new windfall isn’t going to change that. Instead, it only adds to my allure.”


“How so?” Justin asks, even though I can see the wheels in his head turning. What’s he thinking?


“Well now, Tino has options. Because of his belief that he owns me, he’s either going to demand that I pay him to keep him away from me, or... “


“Diane,” came Brian’s acerbic reply. “She would give anything to keep you safe, Blake, even if that means she pays the debt for you. Neither of you can pay the fucker!”


“What other choice do I have, other than to do that or go back to working for him?” Blake asks. “There aren’t many options left to me right now. And even though I now own the rehab, I can’t kick Sean out unduly without proof of what he’s been doing on Tino’s behalf. He’s got all of the other staff fooled. Anytime he accosted me with messages or threats from Tino, it was always away from anyone else and where the cameras couldn’t pick up any conversations. This isn’t one of those easy-fix problems that will go away!”


“Don’t worry about that,” Brian says caustically, before turning to where Justin is still standing by the railing on the deck. “Sunshine, all that research you’ve been doing has been in preparation for this eventuality, hasn’t it?”


Justin smiles his first real smile since we’ve been sitting out here. “I like to have several contingency plans, Brian. You know that.”


“What do you mean?” I ask.


“Only that Tino hasn’t been as slick in his stalking of Blake as he’d thought. Nor has Michael,” Justin says.  


“Why would you think that Michael was stalking me?” Blake asks.


“It wasn’t so much that he was stalking you, but he has been looking for a way to get rid of you. If he’d seen you meeting with Tino, instead of avoiding him, what do you think he would have done?”


“He would have run straight to Ted with some cockimaime, bullshit Superman story about how he was sorry to be the one to tell him that I’d started using again, but that he felt that Ted needed  to know,” Blake gritted out, about to go nuclear again.


“And while he was looking all contrite while imparting such important news, he would be standing there inwardly gloating that he had finally succeeded in saving one of his friends,” Justin adds, bitterly.


“How do you know so much about what he would have done?” Drew asks, and I have to agree with him. On the one hand, knowing what we now know about Michael, it sounds like the perfect scenario for a setup. But on the flipside of that, it sounds so damn wicked that I can’t process that someone I called my friend would do me so dirty like that.


“He knows because it’s what Michael did when Ethan kissed Justin on the street,” Brian tells us. “Justin hadn’t actually taken the final step in having an affair with Ethan until I all but pushed him in that direction at Michael’s behest.”


I don’t remember much of that time since I was having my own problems, resulting in my drug abuse. I remember that Emmett and I were having issues because Jerk@Work was defunct, and while he was able to bounce back almost immediately, I was wallowing in self-pity. It didn’t help that I’d quit the job at Vanguard that Brian had gotten me in order to start the website, and ended up feeling like an utter fool and a failure. So, lost in my own drama, I didn’t know exactly what happened with Brian and Justin until I was officially in rehab and reconnected with Blake.


“Michael kept throwing hints that the friendship between Justin and Ethan was more than what Justin was telling me. At that point, I was messing up with him. We were both lost in our own ways after the bashing and weren’t really talking. We were fucking, we were still trying to make things work… but we weren’t communicating in any way that truly mattered.”


“I was afraid to tell Brian that I wasn’t the same guy I was before the bashing. I couldn’t read between Brian’s lines like I used to, or have regained the ability to do these past few years. His actions were telling me one thing, and his words were null and void. It took him a while to understand that I needed his expectations spelled out in black and white, but when he finally did, Brian and I came up with these rules of tricking.”


Brian takes up the tale again. “Two of them were, no kissing anyone but each other, and no names or numbers exchanged where tricks were concerned. I still can’t figure out how Michael found out about our private agreement. None of you were around that night.”


“But I’m pretty sure that Tino was, or one of the other tricks we’d had who liked to gossip.”


“That about covers everyone who frequents Babylon, Sunshine.”


He shrugs. “Could be, so we’ll never know who it was that told him. I thought it was you at first, but then that didn’t make sense because it would be admitting that you had limits placed on you somehow. Anyway, I broke one of those rules the first time with a college student that I’d devirginized, but Ethan was never supposed to be a trick; only a friend.”


“When did he become a trick?” Drew asks.


“He never did,” Justin whispers, and it’s not hard to hear the heartbreak in his voice. He and Brian stare at each other, lost in some memory that the rest of us cannot see or understand… until he speaks again. “The downfall of us was happening way before I ever sought comfort from Ethan. In reality, it started with the takeover of Ryder Advertising by Vanguard and a cancelled trip that Brian and I had planned.”


“While that was happening, I’d fucked a useless, unmemorable trick who I heard making derogatory comments about how I wasn’t the Stud anymore, because I was now in a relationship. It scared me, even though I’d never said anything to Justin. PTSD has a way of making you want to cling to the familiar, and with me, tricking became a lifeline of sorts. It’s not an excuse for how bad I treated Justin, but it is a reason, one that Alex helped me see awhile back.”


“You talked to Alex before this?” Emmett asks, and I have to say that I’m shocked as well.


“Originally, it was so that I could help Justin recover his memories of… of the prom. He was floundering, and I had no idea what to do to assist him. The episodes and nightmares were nothing compared to the full-blown panic attacks that would happen just because I closed the loft’s door a certain way. I felt both useless and helpless, and as we all know, I don’t do those. So I met Alex at Woody’s to get his perspective on what could be done so that Justin would begin to feel more like himself pre-incident.”


“And later?”


“That was different.”


“Brian…” Alex addressed him. “Tell them.”


He stares at Alex for a moment, before he simply nods. “I talked to him again after Justin left me for Ethan.”


“What?” All of us, except Justin, gasp in response. If there was ever a person who didn’t believe in therapy, it was Brian Kinney.


“It’s true. I had trouble… sleeping. Throwing myself into work wasn’t helping, nor was tricking, drinking, and drugging. I sought Alex out after I woke up in a trick’s bed, who, on a slow night, I would never have picked up. I knew then that I needed to get help, before I lost everything. I’d already lost Justin; I couldn’t afford to lose ME, too.”


“So back to Ethan, when did he become more than a friend?” Ben asks, and somehow I think he knows something that he’s not saying. Well, not yet anyway.


“Ethan kept pushing for more, but I was keeping him at a distance,” Justin says. “It was the afternoon after I’d helped him carry a ratty old couch up to his apartment. Someone was throwing it out, and he lived on the top floor. I’d decided to walk to the Diner for my shift instead of taking the bus. I still wasn’t comfortable with crowds and at that time of day, the bus was always a nightmare. Anyway, I saw him on my way, and decided to help him out. As it was, he was one of the few friends I had that was my own age. When we arrived at his apartment, and had set the couch down, he asked me if I had to get going right away. I looked at my watch and was trying to think of an excuse to let him down easy. Although I knew that he wanted me, I’d thought that I made myself clear… that there wouldn’t be anything happening between us, and that he would respect my boundaries. And he had.


“But we got to talking about why he seemed so down. He said that it was the anniversary of the day he’d broken up with his ex-boyfriend. Then he proceeded to tell me about him, and although I kept it to myself at the time, he sounded like he was describing my relationship with Brian at the time. His ex was the type who never wanted to stay at home; who found clubs and tricking more worthwhile than just a quiet evening with him; who got pleasure out of watching him trick with other guys, and sadly, I was seeing myself in his place. He said that he’d hidden his feelings about it all for so long that he lost himself and his ideals in the process. I was feeling that way too, even if I knew that there was more to it than that.


“After I left Ethan’s, I walked the rest of the way to work and got on with my shift. But the longer I stayed there, the more the conversation kept replaying itself back to me. So finally, I decided that night to take the proverbial page out of Ethan’s book and create a floor picnic, so that I could tell Brian everything that was bothering me, and hope for a much different outcome. I called Daph on my break, and had her go with me to the gourmet shop with me so that I could lay it all on the line for Brian. So that I could, for once, find the courage to be open and honest with my partner in the hopes that he’d understand what I wanted and where I was coming from. It wasn’t that the tricking was the problem; just the reason why. It was always at its worst after Michael, or one of you made a comment about my importance in Brian’s life. Although I know that you guys didn’t mean it in a malicious way, with Michael it was like turning a light switch on and off over and over again just to annoy people. And it worked. Brian would ditch me to fuck a trick, but not necessarily because he wanted to, but because he felt he had to. To not do so in that moment would have given the impression that I held some kind of power over him.”


“If you understood that, why didn’t you ever say anything?” Brian asks.


Justin smiles slightly. “Because doing so would have given Michael the power to control my reactions. Was I happy? No. But that didn’t mean that I was going to throw a public tantrum, like some little miss. Anyway, the night of the floor picnic, I didn’t know that Ben was in the hospital, and that Brian had been called away from work to spend the day at the hospital. I might have taken his need to go out and let go a whole lot differently, if I had. But no one thought to inform me, so I was completely in the dark. Ethan had always promised me a song… Noblemente Sentimentale, because according to him, I was both of those things. I’ll never forget it. So, feeling like Brian didn’t want me- didn’t even want to take the time to get to know the new me- I went to the one person who seemed to.”


“You let Ethan fuck you that night?” Blake asks.


“No. But I fucked him. Contrary to Michael’s, and a few out of the know on Liberty Avenue’s popular belief, I am NOT a complete bottom boy. It is a very rare and special privilege to have my ass, and although Ethan’s friendship was valued, it still wasn’t enough for me to bend over. It’s part of the reason he cheated on me, which was one of the reasons I left him. The other was because I finally realized that I didn’t belong there; I belonged with the man who had my heart before then, and still does. I belonged to and with Brian. But even having sex with him wouldn’t have been so bad, if I hadn’t broken the rules a second time. I kissed Ethan.”


“So basically, the affair really came after your failed trip to Vermont during winter break, and the takeover that threatened Brian’s job?” I ask, at last getting a complete picture of what happened between them.


“Again, not something I knew until much later than I should have. Brian did tell me that he had to cancel due to a business trip, but not the reason why. I just thought it was another Brian Kinney-Overachiever Extraordinaire moment.”


“I remember the morning you found out,” Ben tells him. “I remember asking Michael why he didn’t give you all the facts, instead of just his opinion. He said…”


“That I didn’t need the reason,” Justin finishes for him. “In Michael’s mind, Brian’s business was none of mine. So why should I know what was going on, despite the fact that we were living together, right?”


I nod, now getting why Justin has been collecting information on Tino, even while Michael was hellbent on undermining my relationship. “So what are you going to do with the information you have?” I ask.


“I’m going to call my mother, who will in turn call Carl to have it collected from the house.”


“Not the loft?” Brian asks.


“No.” He shakes his head. “With the amount of times Michael has shown up there unannounced, or the amount of times that we returned home to find things out of place, I couldn’t risk Michael stumbling over the information that I’ve been compiling. He would have known that his jig was up, and what good would that have done? He would have just regrouped and came at Blake again from a different angle.”


“You’ve said it before, Justin, and I didn’t believe you until these last couple of weeks… the element of surprise is always the best way to handle Michael,” Ben says.

 

“He’s not the only one with a tried and true operating manual on each of your actions and reactions, Ben,” Justin smiles evilly. “I have my own… on him.”

 

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