IN or OUT: BOOK II: CHAPTER 8: GIVING UP IS SO HARD TO DO…

Verse 1

Giving up/ Is hard to do/ When you really/ Love someone

Giving up/ So hard to do/ When you still depend upon/ His warm and tender touch

His kiss and his caress/ Ooh, that used to mean so much/ And bring you happiness oh, oh, oh

Verse 2

Giving up/ So hard to do/ I've tried (uh uh)/ But it just ain't no use

Giving up/ So hard to do/ I said I've tried/ But it just ain't no use

Bridge

But my light of hope/ Is burning dim/ Oh but, but in my heart I pray, yeah

That my love and faith/ In the man/ Will bring him back someday

Aye-yeah, aye-yeah/ I'm talking about/ Giving up somebody

Ooh, whether/ Whether he knows or not/ He really needs me too

I said the man/ Is all I got/ Yes he is/ And giving up/ Giving up is so hard to do

Oh-oh-oh/ Giving up/ So hard to do/ Giving up/ So hard for me to do

I said I've tried it/ Hey, can't breakthrough/ I don't want to lose you

'Cause you mean/ So much to me

Ooooh giving up

**Version from the movie “Sparkle” Sung by Aaliyah/ Originally recorded by Donnie Hathaway

MICHAEL:

I try Brian’s phone AGAIN, but he’s still not answering. It just rolls over to voicemail, which just PISSES ME OFF! The fact that I’m pretty sure I filled his voicemail just yesterday alone, yet was able to leave ANOTHER FUCKING MESSAGE just tells me that he’s ignoring me, and just erasing my messages, probably without even listening to them! I’m so fucking sick of being IGNORED! But hopefully that will all be rectified soon since I’m sure that it’s because of Blond Boy Ass.

Currently, I’m sitting here waiting for my little messenger to come back here and give me all the details of his morning delivery run. By my hopes, dreams, and calculations, only one of two things can happen. Either Yuri is going to have to shower first, before bringing me a return message from Brian, or he’s going to let me know the precise location of the villa at Brian’s request. I cannot, and will NOT accept any other outcome. I’m hellbent on restoring things back to the way they should be, with a few minor exceptions, namely the absolute and complete severance of Brian and Justin’s fuckship- I simply refuse to call it a marriage or any other bullshit relationship!

Speaking of relationships, I really need to contact Ma. She called a little while ago, but I was working on the situation with Ted. I spoke to Tino, and both he and Darius are trying to make arrangements to fly down here on the next flight. So they should be arriving some time today in order to make poor wittle druggie boy, Blake, very uncomfortable. I can’t help but laugh at how everything is falling into place, at last. That would only leave Doofus Wonder to take care of, but I have my own plans for him. I’ve decided that I no longer want him and Em together after all, regardless of his career. He’s still not the caliber of people that Brian and I should be associated with. Hey, perhaps he and Ben can hook up. I mean, Doofus would need someone able to put him to sleep at night. And after listening to countless numbers of Ben’s lectures over the years, I’m sure he would be the right person. No, Em needs someone far more exciting than Doofus. Once Ted’s problem is solved, I’m sure that Darius would be all too happy to take him back under his wing and turn Ted back into the fun person he was on Meth, again.

But of course, there’s also the matter of what to do with Kinnetik while Brian and I get our plans back on track again. Since my plan is to move us to Palm Springs and away from Pittsburgh, that means he would need to sell that fucking business. I don’t care if he loves it; he should love me MORE! So I think that since Cynthia has been with Brian since before he even opened one of the banes of my existence, he should sell it to her for a decent price. That way, he’ll be free and clear and able to concentrate fully on making me happy. And shouldn’t that be the most important thing?

Deep down, I know I should have kept Ben on my hook until I had all my plans firmed up. But he was just so fucking sanctimonious; delivering orders and demands, and whatever else he thought should have been my priority in regards to him. I just couldn't fucking take it anymore! I mean, he always KNEW that he and I weren't going to be together forever… well not his anyway. I was kinda hoping that by the time I would have been able to get rid of the excess fuckers invading my circle of friends, Ben would have been full-blown AIDS and I would be in a position to just make his last days as comfortable as possible before continuing to live my life. 

But he just wouldn't fucking cooperate! No, he had to be oh so health conscious and shit! He fucked everything up! The thing is, I really like Ben, as a person. But I also hate him for not doing what was necessary to leave me well off when he met his hereafter.

But then again, maybe the stress of all this is doing a much better job than I could have by eventually poisoning the big bastard. Although that may have become an option, ultimately I’m avoiding jail time while killing him softly, right? Perhaps, I should go and apologize to him; attend the bullshit sessions with him and appear to be trying to work this out. Maybe then, after he can feel like we actually DID try, he will content himself with the knowledge that we just weren’t meant to work, and he’ll be reasonable by paying me what’s owed to me just for agreeing to marry him in the first place. It’s a possibility I should definitely consider. 

After all, he’s always been gullible and softhearted when it comes to me, right? 

The knock at the door interrupts my moment of daydreaming, and I can’t help but feel excitement at what Yuri is going to tell me. I told him that I wanted him to wait there until he was sure that Justin was either leaving or returning, and then fix it so he would walk in on him and Brian going at it. Yes, I wanted Justin to hurt, knowing that he’s never going to be enough for Brian. But once I have Brian’s attention back where it belongs- ON ME- I’ll make sure that Brian no longer has any reason to trick outside of our bed. I’ve been watching a lot of porn so I know what to do. I just have to remember to apply the lemon juice douche tonight in preparation of when I’m finally able to seduce him. David was big, but Ben is HUGE. I certainly don’t want to be a loosy goosy when Brian is finally to give me what I’ve wanted for the last twenty fucking years.

As I snatch open the door, I’m surprised when it’s not Yuri standing there, but some other big bald bastard asking me to confirm my name. I do, and then he tells me that I’ve been served, right before he walks away. As I stand there for a few moments, yelling at him to tell the fucking blond that this isn’t over, I flip through the papers. The first thing I notice is the name of the attorney on the stack of papers. Fucking Phillip Marchand! Ben’s attorney?! What the fuck is this shit about? 

I continue to look through the papers, in shock at first, and then fucking anger. I can’t believe that Ben would try to do this to me! I call Ma after reading the letter, to let her know that I expect her to hire me a lawyer to deal with this shit. But when she answers, she cries, telling me that she lost her fucking job, and that my shit has arrived at her house. 

“Ma! Calm down, and tell me what the hell is going on up there? Now what the hell do you mean that my shit is at YOUR house instead of mine?”

“It appears that Carl found out about what I said to Emmett. The slick little-assed fucker taped the conversation when I was pissed because neither Brian nor Justin would answer me…”

“Brian’s not answering me either, Ma,” I say piteously, knowing that it would get her attention immediately. But apparently, she either didn’t hear me or is deliberately ignoring me. And that’s just fucking unacceptable!

“So then Melanie, Jennifer, and Blake’s fucking sister, Diane, who now owns the goddamn Diner, confronted me, and then brought me back here to tell me some bullshit about you. Well I didn’t believe a fucking word of it, and told them so!”

“Thank you for your support, Ma,” I wheedle. I need to keep her on my side, especially since I received this fucking bullshit from Ben. “But listen the reason I called is…”

“And then the little bitch that just happens to be fucking Blake’s twin sister- and WHO THE FUCK EVEN KNEW HE HAD A TWIN?!- FIRED ME! Can you believe that shit, Michael?! She fired ME, the person who has been at that fucking place and practically running it since before you were born! Well, I told them all that they would be sorry that they let this shit happen. And then you know what’s been the worse? It’s that Carl didn’t even fucking take MY side in all of this! He’s been… he’s been…” And then she’s fucking crying again. 

I so do NOT need this shit! I need her to hop off his dick and pay attention to me and my fucking problems with Ben! “Ma! MA! Get ahold of yourself! I told you marrying that donut-guzzling dumbass was a mistake. Now maybe you’ll FINALLY realize it! But look, the reason I called…”

“Don’t you DARE talk about your stepfather that way, Michael. In all honesty, if it wasn’t for him, I’d be homeless right now and YOUR shit would be out on the street!”

Unfortunately, she has a point, but… “About my stuff, what exactly is there?”

“Michael, I haven’t had time to look through the fucking boxes, only that there seems to be a fucking hundred of them! Ben is selling the fucking house, and the store already appears to be having some fucking work done. Which actually surprised me, since the last time you had  renovations done, you asked me to keep an eye on things there while you were at that Comic Con in Vegas. Now you listen to me, you little asshole, you need to do whatever you have to do to fix shit with Ben. And I mean NOW! I’m not about to lose Carl simply because you have to move in here, you hear me, Michael? FIX IT NOW!” And she disconnects the call from me without so much as a fucking goodbye. 

See, I knew taking this trip would be a fucking mistake all the way around. And now because we’re not in Pittsburgh, I couldn’t even stop Ben from moving my stuff out of my house. And just how did he get the house put on the… OH NO FUCKING WAY! THAT BITCH! He’s used Jennifer fucking Taylor?! 

Well, if I have any say about it, she will NOT be making a fucking dime on the sale of MY house! And what’s this shit about MY FUCKING STORE?!?!?! Fuck! I need to talk to Ben right fucking NOW! Maybe if I play nice, he’ll stop all this shit… I need him to stop this shit! 

At least until I get everything in order with Brian, or I’ll be left with absolutely nothing.