BRIAN

Rachel and I were waiting for Justin and Gus’s plane to arrive. I've only spent four days without Justin which isn’t as long as we have spent apart in the past and don't see this happening again. When they came through the gate, Gus ran to me. I needed to look in his eyes to see if he was really okay. Gus is a lot like Justin, he can't hide his feelings. He was smiling up at me and I could still see the worry behind the smile. Justin walked up and kissed me, and I guess I have two people worried about something.

Rachel came with us and took Gus to his room. I pulled Justin into the bedroom where he started unpacking.

“I'm not going to guess what's bothering you.” I tell him.

“It's nothing I haven't dealt with before with my father. It just sucked to watch Shelby’s dad be happy for his son, and know my father wouldn’t ever be.” He tells me.

“What did Craig have to say to you?” I ask, ready to hop a flight if he hurt Justin again.

“Just that it's not in him to accept how I live my life. I told him we were going to have a baby.” He tells me.

“I'm assuming he didn’t jump for joy.” I tell him.

“I told him I live a happy life with you. He just said ‘be happy’, before taking off.” He tells me, sitting next to me on the bed.

“He wanted the ‘all American family values’ Stockwell spouted. I think he’s right, we need to be happy and not let someone who lost all of you, affect you.” I tell him.

“I hated the way he completely ignored my mom in front of everyone.” He tells me, playing with the buttons on my shirt.

“I’m sure Mom really doesn’t care what Craig thinks, she’s found a life that doesn’t include him and she’s happy.” I tell him.

I push Justin back on the bed and take off his shirt, leaning over to kiss the frown off him. Justin unbuttons my shirt and runs his hands over me. He looks at me as if I’m still the twenty-nine year old he first met. I still see him as the twink who turned my world upside down, and knew he loved me the day we met.

We were undressed in seconds. We both knew what the other needed and when I thrust he met me. There was a time when I believed that being with only one person would eventually lead to boredom. There was never a moment with Justin I can say that was true. He held on tight as I moved faster, and when he came I let go, then laid my head on his chest, listening to his heart beating fast.

“Dad, can we eat?” Gus yells through the door.

“You realize we are going to have more years of this?” Justin whispers.

“It’s what we spent years leading up to.” I tell him.

We got downstairs and sat with Gus, eating dinner. He was telling us all the things he wanted to do while we were here.

“We might need to stay an extra month just to do all that.” I tell him.

“Mom was excited that her new job might mean that she takes us with her to places like this.” He tells me.

“I’m sure she is, she always wanted to travel.” Justin tells him.

“Gus, I want you to be able to tell us when something bothers you. I know we talked about the new baby, but I need to know why you think what happened when Jenny was born would be anything like what will happen when Jus and I have another child.” I tell him.

“No one ever talked to me about what was happening. I had to watch Mama and Mom fight over everything. They asked you if they could move, but no one ever asked me what I wanted. It’s like adults make all these decisions that affect me, but don’t think I need to be asked what I think.” He tells me.

“What do you think about us having a baby?” Justin asks him.

“I need to feel like you both include me.” He tells me.

“You didn’t feel that way when Jenny was born?” Justin asks.

“I didn’t even know they were going to have Jenny. It felt like you and Dad were keeping it from me.” He tells Justin.

“Jus and I wanted to tell you together and with us being here, it wasn’t possible.” I tell him.

“Your Mama suggested that you be with us when we find out, and when we go to appointments. Do you think you would like that?” Justin asks him.

“Can I ask you something?” Gus asks us.

“Anything Sonny Boy.” I tell him.

“Why did you let them take me away?” He asks.

“They wanted to go and I didn’t really have the right to stop them. I tried, but in the end I wanted your moms to find what I have with Jus. I think having everyone around made it harder for them. Everyone tends to get involved in each others lives and it causes problems that wouldn’t have happened if left alone.” I tell him.

“Grandma Deb says it’s what families do.” He tell me.

“They do, but there were times when things wouldn’t have happened the way they did if everyone had left it alone. Jus and I couldn’t have a relationship without everyone offering an opinion. It caused more problems between us.” I tell him.

“You and Jus have always been together.” He tells me.

“We had some ups and downs, it was when you were too young to know. Jus blames himself for what happened, but I didn’t help him stay with me. I wanted him to, but I wanted him to have anything he wanted and I let him go. One of the differences for Jus and I is that we never really left each other. He was still there, saving the day.” I tell Gus and Justin.

“You still loved Jus even when he wasn’t with you?” He asks me.

“He didn’t know it, but yes I did.” I tell Gus.

“I knew it, I just forgot.” He tells me.

“Why didn’t Mama and Mom know it?” Gus asks.

“They forgot why they loved each other for a while. It killed your Mama to be away from you.” I tell him.

“She still sings to me and Jenny.” He tells me.

“She probably always will.” Justin tells him.

Justin promised to take Gus out to see the Palace and Big Ben in the morning. They were both ready to fall asleep after dinner.

“It’s weird when you hear how Gus saw things.” Justin tells me as we got in bed.

“It just tells us not to hide things from our kids. It’s something I never understood. Why, as adults we think kids don’t understand things, when we did at that age.” I tell him.

“You know I think everything was my fault when I left you? We were falling apart for so many reasons at the time. It’s that I broke rules that I made, to me what I did before I left was all on me. You might have held the door open but I didn’t have to walk through it.” He tells me.

“You needed to, you needed to see if I was what you wanted. I needed you to go so I could figure out what I wanted.” I tell him.

“It was always you.” He tells me falling asleep.

I thought about it and what led to everything that happened, and he doesn’t realize I wouldn’t have let him stay. I would have made him leave if he hadn’t done what he did. The day I knew I needed him back was the day Michael ended up with a black eye. I remember just wanting to be where Justin was, it didn’t matter that the shit he cheated with was there. It was only Justin and me when we were with each other. Michael going on and on as if Justin hurt him personally, it was just what he said was too close to what happened in that garage. Michael told Justin one day what really happened at the party, and why I did what I did. Justin wasn’t surprised by it, hurt, but not surprised. It was why I told him everything else about that night. It gave Justin a way to forgive Michael for saying that bullshit. Justin told Michael he hated that Michael told me, but knew if it was Daphne he would have told her too.

I heard my favorite giggling and realized I was asleep again. I followed my sons, who kept me company when Justin was gone.