BRIAN

I took Gus to see his moms when we got home. Lindsay came running out of Michael’s house hugging Gus and acting like he’d been away forever. I understood, when they lived in Canada it always felt the same way to me. Gus on the other hand, felt he was getting too old for his mother to be calling him pet names and hugging him in front of everyone.

“Where’s Justin?” Lindsay asks me.

“Emmett called complaining that he was feeling neglected by his Baby.” I tell her.

“I was going to invite you guys to stay for dinner tonight. I thought it would be nice to have a family night together.” She tells me.

“We can do that when Justin and I have everyone over at the house. Have you and Mel found a house?” I asks.

“It’s almost like every house isn’t what we’re looking for. Hopefully with Mel here we can find something.” She tells me.

“Have you called Jen, she could probably help you find something?” I ask her.

“I didn’t want to bother her.” Lindsay tells me, going in with Gus.

Mel came outside and asked if we could talk before we joined everyone for lunch.

“I’m only here to drop Gus off for the night, Justin and I have plans with the guys tonight.” I tell her.

“I need some advice.” She stuttered out.

“You’re coming to me for advice?” I ask her, feeling her forehead.

“I tiptoe around things with Lindsay. We haven’t found a house because we’re both finding reasons to hate anything we see. I think it’s because if one of us says we don’t like it the other just agrees to it.” She tells me.

“Why come to me for advice?” I ask her.

“How did you manage to fully forgive Justin for what happened?” She asks.

“I didn’t, to me there was nothing to forgive him for. He left to find what I wouldn’t give him, and I held the door open for him. It took him being gone for me to understand that I didn’t like my life without him in it.” I tell her.

“I still have a hard time saying things that might hurt Lindsay to hear. I don’t ever want to see the look on her face that happened when I told her I cheated. I think she has the same problem with saying things because of what happened when she cheated.” She tells me.

“How do you talk to each other if you’re afraid of saying anything?” I ask her.

“We just never really talk about anything, other than the kids or our jobs.” She tells me.

“Mel, if Justin and I did what you're describing, we couldn’t have stayed together. You have to tell each other things in order to have a relationship with meaning in it. A lot of the things that happened in the past with Justin were because I kept him from knowing more than the superficial parts of me. Justin stopped trying to talk to me when all he met was a brick wall. I’m not saying that Ian didn’t cause some of our problems, but he wouldn’t have been an issue if Justin and I had talked to each other and been honest about what we wanted.” I tell her.

“I didn’t understand how you considered it cheating when you were off sleeping with other men too.” She tells me.

“The other men didn’t fulfill an emotional need, just a physical one. Justin got more than that with Ian. We had an open relationship, but only if it was once and the guy became history. I wouldn’t have cared if Justin was screwing Ian, but it became more than a fuckbuddy.” I tell her.

“When I cheated I didn’t want anything more from it.” She tells me.

“Neither did Lindsay. She didn’t see Sam as more than one night of stupidity on her part. She wasn’t in love, nor did she really even like Sam. She didn’t do it thinking he’s the one she wanted, but as a spur of the moment fight that lead to something she regretted and wanted to forget happened.” I tell her.  

“See, she never told me any of that.” I tell him.

“Would you have listened, or were you too busy being upset because of the fear you had that Lindsay would someday leave you for a man were possible?” I ask her.

“I was pissed because I was pregnant, having problems, and she was off screwing around.” I tell him.

“You were off screwing around when she was dealing with postpartum. How were you any better than her at that point? You could have been home helping her, but left it up to me to do it. I’m not saying that because what she did wasn’t as bad, but to put some perspective in the way things were between you. She needed you and you took off, you needed her and she took off. You both do that when you don’t want to deal with things.” I tell her.

“You and Justin did the same thing.” She tells me.

“There is a difference in the way we did it, and you and Lindsay did things. Justin and I weren’t together, but we always made sure we took care of each other. You and Lindsay break up and abandon each other, not caring about what the other is doing or if they need help. You left Lindsay with no way to take care of Gus, and she ended up doing something that could have landed her ass in jail. Neither of you thought of Gus, or anything but yourselves. To me, if you love someone you care whether or not you're together.  Justin could have left me to hang when my nephew accused me of molesting him, but it didn’t matter to him that we weren’t together. He went out and proved that I didn’t do anything. We weren’t together anymore, but it didn’t matter to him. I paid for his school because I wanted Justin to have all the things he wanted, I didn’t do it to get him back, but so he always knew he could come to me when he needed anything.” I tell her.

“It’s just that we couldn’t see past the anger to take care of each other.” She tells me.

“Then you didn’t love each other the way you both want everyone to believe you do. I could have hated Justin when he left, but how do you hate one of the best things in your life?” I ask her.

“I do love Lindsay and I know she loves me. We’ve had a hard time getting past the cheating.” She tells me.

“To me it wasn’t cheating when neither of you were doing it for more than physical release.” I tell her.

“We promised each other that it was us and no one else, so it was cheating.” She tells me.

“Yet, when it was convenient to let Leda in your bed, neither of you thought it was cheating. At one time you were in love with Leda, and whether you want to say it or not, there was an emotional connection to Leda. You couldn’t have slept with her and not felt some of it. I guess it’s only cheating to you if either of you do it alone.” I tell her.

“I really thought about what Michael and Justin told me on my way here. I know that I spend all my time trying to keep Lindsay from being upset that I don’t always talk to her. Michael caught me when I didn’t like the way Lindsay was talking to a guy she was working with, and he told me I needed to see that sometimes it’s just conversation. What bothers me is I didn’t say anything to Lindsay about it later. Instead, I just tried to forget that I was acting like her being around other men could have another Sam happen again. I spent the whole trip down here realizing how I reacted to Sam, and how she reacted when I cheated were miles apart. Lindsay was hurt and couldn’t be with me, but in the end forgave me. I couldn’t do the same for her.” She tells me.

“Mel, not that I’m agreeing with how you handled the situation, but you were having a difficult time with your pregnancy. I really tried to tell Lindsay to not let you find out.” I tell her.

“I deserved to know.” I tell him.

“What would it have accomplished? You saw what knowing did to your relationship, she wasn’t in love and planning to continue and turn it into an affair. She knew she made a mistake and telling you would only make a difficult pregnancy harder on you. I didn’t tell her not to tell you because I approved of what she did, but because I knew you would end up stressed out, more than you already were. She was wrong and she paid for it, but when you got back together you were saying that you weren’t going to let the past affect the future. One of the things you two need to work on is how to stop walking around each other. A relationship means not always agreeing to everything but talking to each other and compromising.” I tell her.

“I’m sitting here asking you for advice, that’s a huge compromise for me.” She tells me.

“You're sitting with the wrong person. We could talk all day but it doesn’t change that the woman you love is still sitting inside, waiting to hear you say something that shows you care what she thinks. Lindsay spent her life not making waves because it never gave her anything but her family's disapproval. Think about something.” I tell her.

“What?” She asks.

“She didn’t care what her family thought when she moved in and started a life with you. She didn’t lie to them about who you were to her. She could have just said you were a roommate, while pretending to be who they wanted her to be, but she didn’t. That’s more courage than she ever showed her family before she met you. She never brought the women she dated to anything her family invited her to, she brought me. You were the one she refused to hide.” I tell her.

“Why can’t we talk to each other? I know she only told me she wanted to leave Canada after talking to you.” She tells me.

“You only talked to Gus and Jenny, so you aren’t talking either.” I tell her.

“Maybe we need counseling.” I tell him.

“To tell you to talk to each other about more than the kids and your jobs? Mel all it takes is opening your mouth and telling her the stuff you seem to protect her from. She’s not fragile, she’s a grown woman who needs you to treat her like one. Ben doesn’t do that to Michael, he learned to tell Michael things even when it meant sleeping on the couch for a couple days. Michael takes a while to get used to things and Ben couldn’t have a relationship if he was more like a parent than a husband. Ben knows Michael overreacts to things, but stopped trying to sugar coat things when it was something that would upset Michael. Lindsay’s reactions are nothing compared to the way Michael reacts, so I don’t see a couch in your future. Hopefully you and Lindsay will see a house in your future because as much as Mikey loves having Jenny around, he’s not thrilled at the accidental beaver shots he’s been getting.” I smirk.

“We’re looking, we haven’t found a house like our old one.” She tells me.

“Why look for a house like the old one? It’s the house that is only a reminder of everything that went wrong. Find one that no longer has the ghost of the past to rear it’s head around every corner. It was the place you couldn’t live, and took my son to Canada. I want a place where my son no longer questions why everything in his life was chaotic. Do me a favor and call Jen, she’ll help you find a place to create the life you seem to want. Now, I need to go have Justin check to make sure I didn’t grow a twat.” I tell her.

“It’s okay Brian, I’m sure Justin is more than happy to show you who wears the pants in your relationship.” I kid.

“I let him think whatever gets me laid constantly.” I tell her, smiling when she rolls her eyes.