Daphne invited her unexpected guests in for the night. She couldn't see them driving all the way back to Pittsburgh from the Penn/West Virginia border in the pitch black dark with snow steadily falling. Staying at Brian and Justin's was definitely out of the question with Michael's ultimate fuck-up.
Ben shifted through the door with the passed out burden of his inebriated husband. Michael smelled and felt like he'd ingested the entire Kinney wine cellar.
"The guest room is at the very top of the stairs and to your left Ben," Daphne said quietly, Troy, Debbie and Carl standing by her side."We really appreciate it, Daphne," Ben said equally quiet. He turned to make his way up the massive staircase when she spoke again.
"I'm only doing this because of you and Debbie, Ben. There isn't a need to thank me because if it were up to me, Michael would walk back to Pittsburgh tonight. It's times like this I regret being a doctor."
He nodded and moved up the stairs, understanding her sentiments exactly. He was not in the best frame of mind to be compassionate toward his husband either but love made one do strange things. Like stay and fight for a relationship now in question of being worth saving. Arriving at the room, he put Michael on the bed and began to undress him for bed. He went into the bathroom and grabbed the garbage pail, knowing that Michael would eventually need it and tucked Michael under the covers. For Ben's part, he knew sleep would be elusive; his brain wouldn't stop trying to rationalize actions which by all accounts were not.
I can't believe this has gone as far as it has. I mean, I've tried patience. I've been patient. I've tried reasoning with him. Hell, I've been reasonable in understanding his feelings for Brian. What the fuck has been so difficult about letting the man live his own fucking life? I used to hate the name Brian gave me of ‘Zen Ben' but I've learned to accept it because he was right. I've cultivated myself to be patient and kind, loving and accepting and most of all a peace loving man. But right now all I want to do is wake Michael up and finish what Justin started tonight. I can't even be angry with him for punching Michael repeatedly. I think that's what saddens me most of all...is that I can't defend what was done to my husband like I did when Brian hit him all those years ago. But then to hear from Emmett what Michael had said to earn that punch in the eye...Who the fuck did I marry? It's turning out that the man I thought I knew, I don't know anymore-or maybe I didn't know him at all. I could never in a million years think that the man I have been with for thirteen years and married for eleven of those years could have ever done something as heinous as what he did tonight. Why would you invite Ethan Gold to Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor-Kinney's wedding knowing the history of bad blood between them except to wreak havoc on their marriage before it even began? Ben shook his head in disgust. For years, I have played second fiddle to Michael's obsession with governing Brian's life. What's worse is that Brian hadn't really tried to interfere in our own marriage beyond wanting us to come hang out with him once in awhile. I remember the argument Brian and Michael had where Michael said that Brian disrespected his choices and mocked his need to move away from Liberty Avenue and into a more family-friendly neighborhood. The irony is now that Brian is ready-or in Brian's case has been ready for more than ten years-Michael has a problem with Brian shedding his ‘Stud of Liberty Avenue' persona in favor of spending it with the man he loves. Brian Kinney did what Michael never thought he would do...he grew up and my husband has a problem with it. What fucking possible problem could he....oh fuck no. NO! He can't possibly be still harboring a fantasy of Brian ultimately choosing him, could he? You know what...it doesn't even matter anymore. It's going to hurt like hell but it has to be done. When we get back to Pittsburgh, I'm leaving. I refuse to live like this-whatever this has been- anymore. I deserve better for whatever time I have left and I'm going to find it. And whether I ever find another man to love me or not, I love meenough to not continue to feel like I'm lacking within my own marriage. No fucking more!
...See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone
...I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does.*
*How Soon Is Now- Morrissey, Steven Patrick/ Marr, Johnny