When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we see

No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid

Just as long as you stand, stand by me*

Justin stood looking out of the massive windows of his studio for the second time today. The thumpa-thumpa of the music and loud sounds of the crowd filling his house was oddly comforting. By the sounds of it, everyone- gay and straight- were having the time of their lives. And yet he stood there feeling like his world was falling apart. It wasn't that he was embarrassed by the revelations of the hour from Agent Morrissey and Nicole; it was that he had never told Brian... and now he knows. If Justin had had his way, Brian would have never found out about the two times in his life where he was too trusting and the most stupid. Daphne had been urging him to tell Brian about it for years- since both incidents happened, really- but it never seemed to be the right time. When is it ever the right time to admit that you were a damn fool.

He turned briefly at the sound of footfalls on the stairs. He instinctively knew who they belonged to and dreaded the conversation to come. No way Brian would let this rest but in all fairness why should he? Justin had years to process this brand of fuckery. Shouldn't Brian be allowed to do the same? He sighed and leaned back into the waiting arms enclosing his slender body. He'd always felt safe in Brian's arms no matter what the circumstances which led him there. Now was no different even though Justin could feel the anger and fear radiating off of the man in waves.

"I never meant for you to find out this way, Brian," Justin whispered as he folded himself into those strong arms more closely.

"Bullshit, Sunshine," Brian responded equally soft. "You were never going to tell me at all, were you?"

Justin debated with himself just then. He wanted to lie, to smooth things over; to deny everything and to hide from it all again. "You're right. I wasn't."

"Why? I thought this relationship was about full disclosure and total honesty. Yet I'm just finding out about the Sap and his fucking nephew? You asked me to trust you but I see now that it doesn't go both ways." Brian moved to detach himself from his lover but Justin held tighter not willing to let him go.

"This wasn't about trust, Brian. You know you have that from me in spades. This was about protecting both you and myself. It was why I asked you to teach me how to trust again in Italy just after Sean's attempted rape."

"Protecting me? Really, Justin? How does you withholding the fact that you were almost raped twice protect me?" Brian's voice was angry but the underlying hurt was embedded in each syllable.

Justin's heart broke again at what he was doing to the man he loved with every fiber of his being but Brian had asked him for the truth and he would give it. Even if it destroyed them both in the process. "Brian, what would you have done if you knew?"

"I would have fucking killed them for touching you," Brian spoke without hesitation.

"Exactly," Justin said, his voice soft but his conviction in believing his actions correct no less convincing to Brian's ears. "I knew that especially where Gary was concerned. The two of you have been like oil and water since the days he tried to fuck you and you denied him; since you made it a point to fuck everything that movedexcept him. Gary was determined to take the one thing you valued above all else even though you never admitted it aloud until years later. He tried to take me from youin the most hurtful way imaginable, Brian. After the bashing and not being able to be touched then, what do you think a rape would have done to us? What do you think extracting your pound of flesh from Sap's ass would have done to me, Brian? He would have pressed charges, you know; would have had you put away for a long fucking time. Maybe you would have gotten out by now- just now actually but by then where would we have been?"

"Not here."

"You would have been locked up and he would have been left free to terrorize me even further. Gary knew that and I know within my heart that he expected me to tell you. What better way to have his revenge against you than to fuck me- your partner, your boyfriend, your boy toy or whatever the fuck they labeled me back then? You and I were never a secret and neither was the way we've always felt about each other whether we admitted it or not. As far as Sean goes, it was the same type of situation. I'm sure Gary told him that he couldn't have me because of you and that there was no fucking way I was leaving you without a good reason to. What better way than to destroy me mentally as well as physically? If Daph hadn't come home when she did, Brian, Gary and Sean would have gotten their wish. I would have never let you touch me again. Anyone else, maybe but not you."

"Justin-"

"No. Let me finish. I'm different with you than I am with anyone else. I'm whole and fulfilled in ways that anonymous sex or even Ethan Gold couldn't make me. For a time all those years ago, I lost sight of that even though if I realized the truth then, you were always the one to fix me. With Gary and Sean, you wouldn't have been able to, Brian. I wouldn't have let you. Not because I would have blamed you- you did try to warn me," Justin said with a small smile, "but because I would have been destroyed more than Chris and a fucking bat could have ever done; would have felt unworthy, dirty and used every time you tried to touch me. Chris may have taken part of my memories for a time and may have even tried to kill me but what they tried to do is something that I would have forever remembered. I wouldn't have been able to look at you and not see or feel what they took from me. No matter who I was ever with especially as a bottom, I always thought of you. It sounds sick, I know, but that's the way it has always been. They would have taken the joy of receiving you from me... and I know I wouldn't have gotten it back."

Brian nodded. He understood what Justin was telling him and he couldn't deny the truth of it. Brian bottomed sometimes in his youth but only for Justin as a full-fledged adult. He was the only person Brian trusted enough to do that with. Justin only bottomed for one other person other than him and that was Connor James a long time ago. Justin would fuck but only get fucked by Brian. Everyone knew that, including fucking Sap and his nephew. "Okay, Justin, I get it but no more secrets, Justin. I mean it."

Justin snuggled into Brian, throwing his arms around his neck. "No more, I promise, Brian."

So darling darling stand by me

Oh stand by me

Stand oh stand, stand by me

They stood there as the melodic strains of ‘Stand By Me' drifted upstairs to fill the air around them with music with the moonlight filtering into the windows. It seemed fitting that they naturally swayed to it as they once again ironed out their differences and came to a new agreement. It was the way, Emmett and Jason had found them.

"Oh so this where the party is," Jason said as he entered the darkened room.

"I guess so," Emmett responded. Turning to Jason, he said, "Although I am taken, kind sir, surely you won't deny me a dance with the fifth most handsome man in attendance."

"Fifth?" Jason raised an eyebrow, a move he'd learned long ago from his former roommate, Brian Kinney.

Emmett smiled wide as did Brian and Justin. "Well there's my Drewsie, then the grooms here and myself, so yes... you're the fifth."

Jason laughed. He really liked the tall queen who had made him feel at home all day even though the situation could have been really awkward. "Well in that case, Em, I don't mind if I do."

"What the hell are you two doing up here?" Brian asked somewhat impatiently although there was a hint of a smirk on his face. "Looking for a clandestine quickie, Honeycutt?"

Em rolled his eyes. He decided to let the use of his last name slide for now. "No way, Brian. I mean have you seen my hubby? I'd be a fool to fuck that up. But honestly, we were coming to make sure you guys were alright."

"We heard what happened in the office," Jason said.

Justin lowered his eyes but Emmett stopped him. "No, Baby, we're not judging. Never that since we both know what could have happened."

"But we are saying that any and all help we can give, we will," Jason interjected. "After all, look what my brand of help did here." He smirked at the two men in front of him.

"Speaking of that, I ought to punch you in the mouth, Jason. That was downright dirty," Justin said. He was still a little angry behind the email Jason had sent to Brian in spite of how things got worked out.

"Yeah, I know it was low but it did the trick, didn't it? All fair in love and war, right?"

Brian laughed. "True but exactly which war were you waging?"

Jason smiled, cocking an eyebrow as he did so. "If you have to ask that, my friend, then you'll never know." Then he winked at Justin as he and Emmett continued dancing across the room, leaving the other two men to get lost in each other again.

If the sky we look upon

Should tumble and fall

And the mountains should crumble to the sea

I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear

Just as long as you stand by me

*As Sung by Ben E. King