CHAPTER EIGHT

He Won't Go

Brian knew what he was risking in not following Justin back to New York. Part of him was worried that he would go back on his word but the biggest part of their problem was trust. Brian had to take him at his word and Justin had to learn to trust this Brian the way he trusted the one he'd always known. There was definitely a reason to question his sanity already feeling bereft of Justin and he'd only been gone a day. But in classic Kinney fashion, once Brian made up his mind to do something it was as good as done. Coming up with the idea of ninety days was a spur of the moment thing. He just hoped his gamble paid off.

Walking into the Diner, he heard her long before he'd seen her. It seemed like forever since he'd been in there and truthfully it probably was. Although he and Michael were technically still friends, their lives were so separate they barely saw each other and calling was like an afterthought.

"Eat a vegetable once in awhile, it won't kill you," Debbie was ordering a young customer who scrunched up his nose at the side of carrots accompanying his Chicken Sub.

"Yes, Mama," Brian said standing behind Debbie as she turned to leave the table.

"Brian! What a surprise! First Justin now you're here, too. What the fuck's going on with you two?"

"Coffee first, Deb and I'll fill you in."

Debbie poured, listening for the bell she knew would be coming soon. As always she was efficient at her job even at her age but Debbie was the Diner and even the cooking staff knew that. "So what brings you down here. How long has it been?"

Brian took a sip of the hot liquid, enjoying the robust flavor. No matter where he went he could never find another cup of coffee like Deb's. "About three years I think. Business keeps me going a lot."

Debbie nodded. Although she hadn't seen Brian, she still saw Teddy often and kept abreast of all the events of Brian's life. "Well I've missed you. Promise you won't stay away so long. I don't have anyone to yell at when you're not here and you wouldn't want to spoil an old lady's fun, would you?"

"Oh, Deb you're not old. You'll never be old," he said laughingly as he bumped her shoulder softly. "By the way, how's Carl? I'm shocked he's still letting you work here."

Debbie raised an eyebrow. "Carl doesn't let me do a fucking thing, thank you very much. Besides he understands my need to work. Meanwhile, he's enjoying his retirement and visiting his daughter in Arizona until after her baby is born."

Brian nodded while smiling. He was glad age hadn't changed Debbie one bit. "And everyone else, how are they?"

"Well you would know if you could take your head out of your own ass and visit or call sometime."

"Geez, Deb lighten up," Brian laughed outright.

"Look, I know you've been busy but that's no reason to forget your family."

"I promise, I'll do better especially now."

Debbie looked at him skeptically but asked, "Did you see Justin?"

Brian took another sip of coffee before answering. "Yeah, I've seen him."

"Lay off the fucking cryptic shit, Brian. What happened? Did you and he--"

Brian knew what she was asking. "Not unless I can convince him otherwise. He's back in New York for a few days but he's coming back to settle matters for once and for all. He's different now; so am I." He told her about the agreement between him and Justin and the terms.

Debbie nodded her understanding. "You're both older and have lived quite a bit since ten years ago. But Brian, I don't want either of you hurt- I never have. Are you sure this is the right thing for both of you now?"

"I'm not sure, Deb, but I have to try. It has taken a lot to get to this point. Meeting every two years for two weeks is not enough for me anymore and based on everything he's said,it isn't enough for him either. It wasn't enough in the first place but I couldn't do with never seeing him again then. I can't lose him now without knowing we gave it everything this one last time. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah I can. You two are the most stubborn sons of bitches I've ever known. I watched you struggle with your feelings and just when it was all coming together...but yeah you both deserve each other. What happens if it doesn't work out? What's next for you? Justin will go on with his life, of course, but what about you?"

"I refuse for it not to," Brian said determinedly. "Some things are just meant and Justin and I are one of them. I let him go once thinking I did what was best for him and maybe it was at the time. I mean he's successful and still young and healthy enough to enjoy it but I'm tired of sacrificing my happiness and mostly I'm tired of sacrificing his-ours. It's time, been time really. So this three months is for him to see what I already know-what I've always known from the first night."

"You didn't know it from the first night," Debbie laughed. "You found out you loved him a whole year later."

Brian laughed too remembering their conversation at the bar about a month after Justin recovered his memory. "Correction, darling. You pointed out what I kept denying to myself." Brian shrugged. "There were some situations that happened between us, things you nor anyone else knew about which confirmed just how special Justin was and it all began that first night. Michael didn't even know of them and back then there was very little I didn't tell him. Justin was just a persistent kid then but I always saw the man in him. It was easier to treat him with distance, to keep him from getting too close. The irony is that now I want him close. I want him here."

"You always treated him differently. You handled him like a man and a student who had to learn some pretty harsh lessons about life and life as a gay man. He was the only one I've ever seen capable of hurting the 'Indestructable Brian Kinney.' Everyone else was fooled but as always Brian, you can't fool me."

"No I never could," Brian said. "So you think I'm doing the right thing?" He smiled slightly at her, knowing she would tell him the absolute truth. It was what brought him to the Liberty Diner. Debbie was always more of a mother to him than his own and she didn't sugarcoat shit.

"Yeah, I do but Brian, don't fuck it up this time. If you can't give him what he needs long-term-or in Justin's case what he doesn't know he needs-let it go now. Don't keep twisting in the fucking wind. You both deserve better than that."

"I won't. I promise." And Brian Kinney never made a promise he didn't intend to keep.