Dr. Daphne Chanders was home. No doubt she loved New York, but Pittsburgh was home. It was part and parcel of who she was. She opted to stay in a hotel, although she informed her parents of her relocation. They immediately offered for her to stay there, and she unequivocally declined.

If they knew the nature of her hasty detachment from her job and new life, they would coddle and emotionally suffocate her. No matter how well meaning, she couldn't allow that. She would, of course, tell Justin and Brian the real reason for her coming back. But outside of them, it was no one else's business. And she intended to keep it that way.

The first thing she did upon renting the hotel room was call Drew Boyd. Although she couldn't give him all of the particulars surrounding Ciara's case, she was able to provide him the pertinent information so he could go see for himself that she was alright. She advised him to stop by the hotel, and get the keys to her house, which was in walking distance of the hospital. It would save on the astronomical fees to rent a hotel room spur of the moment, if he could have found one at all. It was a struggle not to tell Drew of the other surrounding events, but she was a professional and acted accordingly.

Then, Daphne put in a call to Dr. Harris Blake, the surgeon who she handed Ciara's file to. As the chief surgeon and her boss, she knew Ciara was in the greatest human hands possible. The rest would be up to God, and she acknowledged that. When Dr.Blake told her that Stephen was looking for her she requested that he not divulge her whereabouts to him. It was a favor, not asked as a fellow doctor, but as a friend. She was more than grateful when he gave his word that he wouldn't.

She had asked the same of Drew, and he'd also sworn to keep her confidence. Daphne also informed Drew and Dr. Blake that the movers would be in and out of her house during the week to pack her belongings. She already paid the fees and tips to have them shipped, and her housemate would see that everything that should be coming to Pittsburgh would get to the city within a week. Because of the nature of her departure, Dr. Blake called in a favor to Allegheny General, setting her up for an interview with the chief of surgery, along with a personal statement of recommendation from him. His generosity had taken a lot of sting out of her situation. 

The next order of business would be to find a house. She honestly did not want to live in the heart of the city. She'd been there, done that while working at Weill. The one thing Daph had learned was how much she craved peace and quiet. Since she was relatively frugal with her living expenses, even with living in New York, she could certainly afford to pay for it.

Outside of the few tears she'd shed when first discovering Stephen's duplicity and deceit, she hadn't cried. She was determined now more than ever to get past it. Being home would allow her to quickly leave it all behind, and begin anew. And it was time to catch up with the one person, who would understand that. Picking up the phone, she dialed the familiar number of the man who was her best friend for all eternity. 

"Hey you," Justin answered. He sounded tired, but still he was comfortable and familiar. 

"Hey. Are you busy?" she asked, remembering Justin and Brian's penchant for sleeping in and early morning- meaning noon- sex. She nearly laughed aloud thinking of all the times she'd called and gotten an earful.

"No. What's up, and where are you? I called your house and the machine hadn't been set."

"I'm actually here in Pittsburgh," she said as cheerfully as she could muster.

"I thought you were joking when you left me that message about you moving back here. So what's wrong, Daph?"

She sighed a little. Leave it to Mr. Almighty Hearing. "Nothing's wrong. I'm staying at the Staybridge. Feel like catching a bite to eat?"

Justin laughed. "When have you ever known me not ready to eat? I'll be there in....give me a half hour?"

"Wait, where are you?"

"I'm at Brian's," he said, quickly.

"Uh-huh," she said. "I haven't been gone so long that I don't remember the geography of Pittsburgh and according to my calculations, Brian's place is literally seven blocks away."

"Yeah...about that, Daph. There is so much to tell you. Tell you what, I'll send a car for you in about ten minutes. It will bring you to where I am, okay?"

"Fine, Secret Agent Man," she said, laughing. "But hurry up. I'm hungry and anxious to catch up." She hung up the phone, feeling somewhat better than she had before she talked to Justin. Somehow just hearing his voice always made her world a little bit brighter.

Daphne grabbed her jacket, and made her way down to the lobby to wait for her ride to meet up with the one person in the world who would always make her feel special.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin was happy Brian wasn't there when he woke up earlier in the day, already having gone to the office. A lot had been said between them, some hard truths delivered and received. There was even more was left unsaid, but Justin needed time to process all of it. He'd gotten out of bed, and taken a leisurely shower, all the while thinking of the events of the past and present. While drying off, and getting dressed, Justin decided to spend some time in peace and solitude by the lake, away from Brian's scent and their collective orbit.

The conversation with Jason, before he did the most assholeish thing possible, was beyond informative. And hard as it was to admit, it really gave Justin food for thought. Jason could be like that sometimes, awing Justin with his insight. Then pissing Justin off with some subsequent action, at the same time to negate the deep thoughts that came out of his mouth. Justin shook his head, as he thought over the words Jason said to him.

Don't make the decision with your head, because it will only list all the reasons this is a bad idea. Don't make the decision with your heart, because both love and hate can be painted with both sides of the same brush. But make the decision with the place you paint from; make it from your soul.

Justin ambled lazily toward the benches surrounding their private lake, determined to take Jason's surprisingly wise advice. There were a couple of things Justin was sure of immediately. He loved Brian Kinney from the top of his head to the soles of his feet and every inch in between. That was never a question. He was everything beautiful, light and passionate in Justin's world. No one could engender such strong and intense emotions in Justin, especially the fine line between love and hate. He was pretty certain he'd inspired the same currents within Brian as well.

The ultimate question was could he live without Brian?

By all accounts, Justin had done so admirably for the past ten years. But there were times in the quiet moments, often in the middle of the night, when he felt like he was merely going through the motions and existing for everyone else. But not living for himself. There was work, where he would have to act as a lightbulb was turned on at full blast all the time. Then there was the game of cat and mouse he played when he needed to get laid, which he enjoyed for moments at a time.

But it wasn't until the sporadic meetups with Brian which left Justin feeling plugged into life. The ever-present electricity between them had Justin feeling more alive in that short amount of time, than he did when it was time to separate once more. He wondered if Brian felt that way, too. Sure, he could ask Brian. After all, there was a full disclosure rule in place, But he didn't want to force the answer by asking the question.

Being with him Brian was as effortless as always, but what if he was wrong? That was the core reason Justin had wanted to break it off in the first place. There was fear, of course. Fear of people coming between them again, and of life happening or getting in the way. But even deeper was the fear of not having his feelings returned completely.

He didn't want Brian to tire of him, then discard him like yesterday's fuck. It was a motto they lived by in the land of their open non-relationship. Justin reasoned that he was as complete a person as he could be, physically and mentally. He had money, success and a business which just kept growing. His artistic ability was improving with every work, even with problems he still had when his hand got tired.

However, the place where he painted from felt incomplete without Brian. His soul felt hollow sometimes, and prior to being with Brian full-time, that feeling was occurring more often than not. Yeah, Justin's issue was emotional, and that he was afraid Karma would come in and snatch away the one thing- the one person- who had always meant so much to him. So Justin had thought to beat her to the inevitable punch. Only...

Could he really spend the rest of his life without the fire -the passion- Brian brought into it, and more importantly did he want to?

Justin was glad Daphne had called when she did, because his head was literally hurting from trying to puzzle out the world's most enigmatic male. As he made his way back to the house, walking carefully through the leaves that were already littering the ground. The questions he'd been asking himself, created a running tape in his mind. He needed to shut it off, before he drove himself crazy. So having Daphne coming was fortuitous, in that it would give him a much-needed time out.

Justin entered the kitchen through the backdoor, since he already knew Daphne would be expecting breakfast upon her arrival. He yanked the fridge open, actually surprised to find food in there, instead of just poppers and guava juice. He might have even expected eggs, and maybe some milk, which would have allowed him to whip up some French toast. But to find a fully-stocked refrigerator... He gasped, realizing just what that said about Brian and his presence within the walls of Britin. 

Brian Kinney actually went food shopping, or more accurately had the shopping done? 

Justin shook his head, grabbing what he needed as the thoughts continued to run through his mind at this new revelation. The fact that there was actually food in the fridge meant that Brian had plans for him to stay put, possibly indefinitely. Hands impossibly full, he turned toward the stove, which was opposite the fridge, and nearly dropped everything. The last thing he expected was to see Lindsey sitting there, with a slight smile on her face. Her long blonde hair was pulled back away from her face, and he noticed a few gray strands at her temples that hadn't been there a year before.

"Well, aren't you going to say ‘hello?'"

"Of course, Lindz," Justin said, laughing. "I was just trying to figure out if you were a ghost or not." He went around the counter to pull her in for a tight hug. "It's great to see you."

"You too, although I'm surprised as well. What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story," Justin answered, shrugging slightly.

"Well, I have time." Her smile was warm as it always. "And I'm hungry, so if you're going to cook, I'll listen."

He smiled brightly as he moved back into the kitchen area to begin preparing breakfast. "Bacon, omelets, and waffles okay?"

"Sure, Wolfgang. Any coffee up?"

"Brian usually sets it before he leaves if I'm still sleeping. I'll brew some."

"Speaking of Brian... you want to tell me what's going on now? He didn't mention that you were here when we spoke yesterday."

"I should have known. We had a rather long... discussion last night."

"A rather loud argument more like," Lindsey said, laughing. "I was amazed the windows didn't rattle out of the panes."

"How much of it did you hear?" Justin looked down chagrined as he was mixing the eggs and cheese in the bowl.

"I heard enough, Justin. The question is, did you?"

"What do you mean?"

Lindsey chuckled. "Well, at least the reasons you left are out in the open now. But there's more to it, isn't there? Based on Brian's responses, you asked for honesty and openness. So don't you think it's fair to give him those things in return?"

Justin nodded. It was what he'd been toiling with before he came in. "Let me ask you something, Lindz and I need an honest answer."

"I'll do my best," she said as he poured her a cup of coffee.

"Why did you really encourage me to go to New York? Based on my success, I could have painted anywhere, and you and Mel had moved to Toronto. Basically, Brian was left essentially alone."

"But he wasn't alone was he, Justin? You were still with him. If not physically, then emotionally and for lack of a better term, spiritually. But to answer your question, I encouraged you to go to New York so you could grow into the man you are now, knowing beyond doubt that it was by your own efforts, not Brian's. I know that was a sore point with you because I've heard Michael essentially throw Brian's wealth in your face repeatedly. At first, it was as a stumbling block to get between you and Brian. Then he used it as a roadblock to pull you away from Brian. You needed to experience life on your own terms. Also, it was a way for me to live vicariously, and to know a famous artist," she said chuckling briefly. "As for Brian, he needed to grow into appreciating your place in his life. It wasn't that he took you for granted so much as you were... the surprise he never expected to find in his life. And we both know how Brian feels about surprises. He's not used to them and he fights hard against the feelings they engender- pride, possession and their purpose. For Brian, you represented the thing he ran away from constantly, and also the one thing he never dared to hope for. But sometimes, Justin, an alternate route in someone's road to happiness at the wrong time, can do much more damage long-term when taking a short cut."

Justin nodded. He'd always known that Brian was the type of man who loved only once, and completely.  Hearing Lindsey confirm it helped Justin decipher what they'd left unsaid during their argument. Brian never said that Justin's leaving had hurt him. It was something they never talked about, and they quite possibly never would. Their full-disclosure pact didn't cover that subject unless Justin would ask it directly, and he wouldn't. Not because he didn't know the answer, but because it would hurt too much to hear it.

"So what do you think about this mess we're in?"

Lindsey shook her head, and laughed. "Oh no. You've been making decisions this long and this far without my guidance. And truthfully, you don't need it now. You already have the answers you're seeking, if you would but look. For my part, I'm going to enjoy watching this play out. It's been a long time coming, and with the way my life has been lately, I'll enjoy the diversion fully."

"What's going on with you and Mel, Lindz?"

"Let's just say, I'm also ready for change and at this point it does not include Melanie Marcus. Sadly, it's unlikely to change." She dismounted from the chair at the breakfast bar, and crossed over to Justin. Looking him straight in the eye, she said, "I know you love him, Justin, with all your heart and soul. But if you can't give yourself to him completely, trusting that he'll do the same, then it's best to cut your losses and move on. You've already discovered what life without Brian in your face, place and space was like. The question is how eager and prepared are you to resume it?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Alright you little blonde vixen, Colby is here to rescue that sweet arse of yours once again."

Cynthia jumped up out of the chair, and raced around the desk to embrace her favorite cousin. He was the only family she'd bothered to keep in touch with. From the time they were six, she and Colby Butler had been inseparable, no matter they lived on opposite sides of the world. He and Brian were two men cut from the same cloth. They were devious and willing to challenge her opinion of herself regardless of what her own thoughts were.

And she loved both to distraction because of it.

At six-foot-six, the Irishman was the complete opposite of Cynthia's small petite frame. Jet black hair, with Emerald eyes, a goatee and an earring in his left ear, he looked more like Captain Hook than his whimsical nature allotted for. "It's great to see you, Colby, but can you put me down now? Your height makes me dizzy," Cynthia said smiling into his face.

He gently lowered her to the floor but would not relinquish his hold on her. She took comfort in his presence as she always did. 

"Well, what's going on, Elf, that you would drag me all the way over here, first class? Thanks for that by the way." His booming laughter filled the room. "And just what the hell kind of trouble can I get into in Pittsburgh anyway?"  

"Well have a seat, and we'll get right down to business."

"Wow that sounds serious." He said as he pulled the chair out from the massive desk far enough to give his long legs stretching room within the confined space.

Cynthia resettled herself behind her desk, folding her hands to calm her ever-present nerves. She and Colby had engaged in subterfuge before, but never was it as important to her, or as touchy as this entire situation was. Taking a deep breath, she began speaking, detailing the entire story of Brian and Justin, including how they met, what separated them and how many times they had. She also told him of the others in the family, especially who had been instrumental in tearing them apart. She ended her tale with the Brian and Mikey show, that had been on hiatus, which she wanted cancelled permanently without a chance in hell of a rerun.

"So you see why I needed you, Colby?"

Colby nodded. "So if Ben and Michael are legally married, what do you expect me to do?"

Cynthia smiled. Looking at her cousin, no one would ever guess he was bisexual. "How about renewing your old acquaintance with your former lover for starters? As insecure and territorial as Michael is, the fact that you and Ben Bruckner had a relationship should keep him pretty busy, don't you think?"

Colby laughed. "What Ben and I had was a situationship, which began pretty much as your Brian and Justin. We were out partying with women, and the next thing we know, we're fucking. Yeah, we tried to make it work but there was no way. He wanted commitment and I was hell-bent on fucking everything that wasn't dead."

"Did you guys part as friends?" That was the one thing Cynthia hadn't considered when calling Colby. She knew all about the situationship as Colby called it, from beginning to end. But had never bothered to ask the for the pertinent details. 

"Of course, we did. He's a really nice guy, Cynthia and not into a whole lot of drama. He took life as it came, even back then. So how does Ben feel about his Mr. Whiny Woman pining after his best friend?"

"He's never liked it, but accepted it. There was a situation at a White Party some years before Michael and Ben met in which Brian fucked Ben."

"Whoa! Your boss sure gets around," Colby said, laughingly.

"That he does or I suspect, did might be more accurate. Although he hasn't said. In any event, it caused some tension between all three of them. Brian never intended to tell Michael, but Justin figured it out. The story Brian told me was that he, Emmett and Ted were comparing partners or something like that, and Michael came up bragging that Brian had never slept with anyone he had been with. Brian still hadn't said anything because of the gay-etiquette rules you all subscribe to. Besides, Brian is one of those people, who allows others to tell their own news. He may know what the reality is, but it isn't his place to say anything. Anyway, Ben told Michael that he and Brian fucked a few years before they met. When Michael confronted Brian about not telling him, Brian figured out what Michael was really upset about."

"Ah," Colby said, "The unrequited love that would never be returned in the way the petulant child wanted. If Brian is everything you say, I almost feel sorry for the lad.... Almost."

Cynthia laughed. "He's all I say and more. He's the first man to ever make me wish I was gay. Justin is the second." She relaxed back into the high-back chair. "So do you see now, Colby? Brian and Justin have suffered the slings and arrows of fate long enough. If they don't make a go of it this time, it should be because they have chosen not to. Not because of a spoiled, whiny little man whose idea of ‘protecting his best friend' means keeping said best friend on a shelf until he's ready to play with him. The reality is that Michael is just selfish enough to want Brian available at his beck and call, while he is able to enjoy his life. I'm not willing to sit idly and see Brian, and therefore Justin, suffer anymore at the hands of those who supposedly love one, the other or both of them."

***

Colby listened to his cousin with patience, and a keen ear. He could tell where her loyalty was and why. He was a firm believer in love, even if he would never achieve the phenomenon for himself. He still held out hope that someone, somewhere would magically appear to rescue his heart. Must be the Celtic in me, he thought while shaking himself out of his reverie.

"Alright, Elf, how do I get started?"

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Alright Daphne, are you ready to tell me what's really going on?" Justin asked.

"No, I would rather tell you and Brian at the same time, so I only have to speak of what happened once. But hey, you seem like you guys are doing okay. You are doing okay, right?"

"I honestly don't know, Daph. I mean we got some things out in the open, but there is still a lot left unsaid."

"Well, then fucking say them," Daphne snapped at him.

"Whoa! What the hell is wrong with you? You and I know things are not so cut and dry between me and Brian as all that."

"Look, I'm sorry, Justin. But honestly, you know he isn't going to answer the questions lurking in your eyes if you don't ask them. You know that better than anyone. He may see them there, but he is never going to intrude in a place you don't invite him. Don't be stupid or ignorant. Or in your case, stupid and ignorant."

"Geez, Daph let me know how you really feel. Don't hold back anything," Justin said, relieved to hear her burst out laughing. He was really worried about her. It wasn't like Daphne to just pick up and drop everything, without good reason. He parked pulled into the parking lot across the street from the bank. First National was as crowded as he remembered. "Come in with me. You know you're dying to know what's in my bank account, since you always ask," he said, jokingly.

"Nah. Not this time, Justin. I think I'll sit here and have a little doze. After the breakfast you fixed, I really need to be hitting the gym. But I don't much feel like it today."

Justin placed his hand against her forehead as he dodged the other, which was trying to swat it away. The days Dr. Daphne Chanders did not feel like hitting the gym stood solidly at only six times. Yes, he'd counted them within the past ten years. It only happened when she came down with the flu. It wasn't cold enough for that to start happening yet, so what was up with her?

Justin decided to put that off, thinking quickly of another way to get her moving. "Seriously, Daph. Come in with me. Besides you need to check if your change of address happened already. You are buying the house near mine, right?"

"Wait what do you mean yours? I thought that was Brian's house."

Justin took a deep breath. He still couldn't believe Brian had kept the house but- "According to Lindsey, he never changed the deed over on the house. So although he's been living there for the last nine years, it's always been my house, too. He kept the loft, which he uses sometimes when he has early meetings and doesn't feel like fighting rush hour traffic." It had surprised Justin to learn all that while he and Lindz waited for Daphne to arrive. "So are you going to buy it? There's two new constructs, identical to Britin, only a mile down the road. From what I understand from the agent, they are going to fast do to the location alone."

"When did you look into it?" She asked.

"When I first got back to the Pitts. I thought it would be best if I lived someplace else while Brian and I got our shit together. I was just going to rent it at the time. I think Lindsey is going to look into the other one for her and Gus, which is also how she'd known so much about the housing in the area, including the deed on my house."

"So she's really not going back to Melanie and Toronto?"

"She seems determined not to," Justin said, shaking his head. "Well, come on. It's time to get you settled into your new beginning and honestly, I need an escape route," he said, laughing.

Daphne laughed in response. "Why? Are you trying to use me as a scapegoat again?"

Justin shook his head. "No not this time, Daph. There's just some things you can't escape from as I'm learning with regards to me and Brian. But honestly, I would feel better if you were near me. A man can only live off of love so much before he gets antsy. And besides if I'm at your house, I won't have to cook so much at mine." He dodged the jab she threw at his arm as they walked across the busy street into the bank. 

Because of the nature of Justin's business ventures, and the amount in his personal accounts, he sought out his banker, Daniel Quinn, who rushed forward to greet him. 

"Mr. Taylor, long time no see." A short, rotund man, he'd first met Mr. Quinn through Brian twelve years prior, when they were setting up Kinnetik. He came highly recommended by Theodore Schmidt, who worked with him at Wertschafter's some years ago. 

"Hello, Mr. Quinn. This is my good friend Dr. Daphne Chanders, who I would like to include in our meeting. She's recently relocated back to the city and I believe she can use your services on a certain property."

"Sure. Wonderful to meet you, Dr. Chanders. Let's go into my office." He moved them into the office, closing the door and shutting the blinds as was customary when addressing their more wealthy clients. "Now what can I do for you?"

"First, I need to place Mr. Kinney as a co-signer on the account I know you've been sending messages through Mr. Williamson at the New York office, urging me to do it as soon as possible. I'm ready to do that now."

"If you don't mind me asking, what changed your mind?"

Justin didn't hesitate in answering. "Other than Daphne, Brian would be the best person to be in charge of it. I would choose, Daphne except she's not familiar with the ins, outs and day-to-day of my business ventures. Mr. Kinney is, so he seems the logical choice." 

Mr. Quinn nodded his approval. He was well-versed in the story of Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor from the incident of the young man's bashing, and also from the time Mr. Kinney started Kinnetik. "Are you ready to deal with the will and all those details now, as well?"

"In the event it's needed, you can contact my attorney, Myrna Singleton." Justin grabbed a post-it from the corner of the desk and a pen. Writing the name, address, phone number and email address, he handed it all to Mr. Quinn. "I'll call her while you're speaking to Daphne, to make all the arrangements for the copies to come to you. But I think it's best that she retain the originals since JT Designs is still based in New York."

Quinn nodded. "Very good, Mr. Taylor. If you'd like, you can just enter the door on your right and it will give you the privacy you need to complete your call. With the amount of money in your accounts and Mr. Kinney's, it wouldn't do for you to be overheard, especially regarding your benefits."

Justin agreed, leaving the door cracked just slightly for Daphne's benefit. Something was not quite right with Daph. And although he knew Mr. Quinn wouldn't try anything that would make her uncomfortable, he was still concerned for her. He dialed Myrna's cell phone, knowing she was in the office but not wanting to deal with her overprotective, pain in every part of his ass assistant, Jacob. 

"Hello."

"What's happening, Hot Stuff," he said.

"You know, Justin. One of these days, I'm going to hold you down and show you just how hot I really am," Myrna said in the smooth, honeyed voice she reserved for those she liked.

"Don't count on it, Myrna. Brian would probably tie my balls so tight, they'll ache for a year," responded laughingly.

"How is that going by the way?"

"I'll let you know. In the meantime though, I need you to fax and email copies of my financial distributions and a copy of my will and the living will to Mr. Quinn. I already told him you'll be keeping the originals to all the documents in your possession."

"So you'll be staying there for awhile. That's good, right?" Myrna asked.

"So far, yes. Also, Amy has full control of the business aspect of things in my absence. Although, I'll be handling the accounts from here and fulfilling the contracts, she speaks for me in reference to the business, and if I become overwhelmed with projects. She's just as good as I am, and will know how I want things handled. She is my voice, so please let everyone who matters know. If she's unavailable, then Brian and his assistant, Cynthia is.  As far as the other matters, you're my voice. The four of you are the only ones able to speak for me in reference to anything. If there's a financial matter, Quinn and the accountant both Brian and I use, Theodore Schmidt are the people you speak to. No one else, okay?"

"Yes, Mr. Taylor. Geez- you think you're my only client or something?" Myrna said sardonically, but Justin wasn't fooled. Myrna lived for this stuff.

"I'm only laying it all on you because I know you can handle it all, Foxy Lady," Justin said, smiling brightly. "By the way, Daphne has moved back to the Pitts. I don't know why yet, but it looks to be permanent. I'll shoot you the info when she has a permanent address."

"Okay. Anything else?"

"Yeah. Please handle all of this personally. Your assistant makes my dick twitch. And not in a positive, life-affirming way."

Myrna laughed. "You know there's a shot for that. I'll be in touch, Justin."

He hung up, still smiling at the phone. He'd interviewed what seemed like hundreds of attorneys before Myrna came to him after one of his art shows three years after relocating to NYC. After having Melanie do all the requisite checking, he and she had entered a business relationship which gradually turned into a lasting friendship. He knew he could trust her implicitly to see to his interests. Stepping back into the room, he heard Daphne concluding her business. 

"Now before I sign these papers, Justin, you're sure you want me living that close to you? I might have a nightmare and happen up at your place in the middle of the night."

"You'd better not otherwise I won't be responsible for what you hear." He laughed at the look on Mr. Quinn's face. He was probably the most enlightened heterosexual male he'd ever met, but always had a tough time getting over what happened between two men. 

Daphne signed the stack of papers that allowed her to put a bid on the house, providing it passed the inspection. "All set, Mr. Quinn. When will we know?"

As she handed him the signed papers, he began inputting the information into the system in the event there was another bid to contend with. Quinn was familiar with the property in question, and its private park. If the residence was anything like Mr. Kinney and Mr. Taylor's, Dr. Chanders would be making a very profitable investment. "In about a week or less. The good thing is that you offered full value, which was a smart move because unless someone offers the same or more, the house is yours and the inspection a mere formality. In the meantime, is there any other business you need to conclude, Mr. Taylor, Dr. Chanders?" When both shook their heads, he ushered them to the door. "I have to say, Justin. Your attorney is very efficient. As you were on the phone with her, some of the paperwork was already appearing in my email."

"I only work with the best, Mr. Quinn, a long standing habit which has paid off in more ways than you can possibly imagine." Mr. Quinn nodded understanding whom and what he was talking about. Even though he'd opted not to go to Dartmouth, choosing to follow his heart instead, Justin had learned his lessons well, and his business acumen was even more sharp than many who had paid to sit in a classroom to learn it. "Have you faxed the information to Cynthia yet?"

"Not yet, although it would be better if he came in to sign them. I could always send it by messenger."

"No need. I'll take them to him since we're supposed to meet for lunch." Quinn handed him the over-stuffed envelop, and Justin burst out laughing. "He's going to groan and grumble, but they'll be back by tomorrow. Ready, Daph?"

"Thank you, Mr. Quinn for everything," Daphne said as they moved toward the front entrance of the bank. 

Many of the customers were still standing in line, but Daphne looked for the source of her uneasy feeling. She scanned the interior of the bank, landing on a pair of blue eyes the same cerulean as her companion's. His eyes were wide at first, then narrowed. Daphne had seen that look on Craig Taylor a million times before when he was angry. The last time had been the day he'd had Justin arrested for trespassing during a Stop Prop 14 protest in front of Taylor Electronics. She debated telling Justin, but he was in a wonderful mood having concluded all he'd set out to do and as usual, he was hungry.

She reasoned the war he already waged within himself about Brian would only be compounded if he knew of his father's presence in the same place, where he was signing papers to make things more permanent with Brian. She wasn't sure if Justin realized that he had already made up his mind about Brian. But she wouldn't push that issue either. It all had to come from Justin or it meant nothing. However, she would certainly speak to Brian about the Craig Taylor sighting. Somehow she knew that seeing him did not bode well for Brian and Justin.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Sorry I'm late, Brian," Lindsey huffed, as she practically threw herself in the seat opposite him in the restaurant. 

"It's alright, although Justin called and will be late as well," Brian said. He took a long sip of the Merlot from his wineglass. "So where's Gus?"

"He's back at the house. We probably won't see him for the rest of the day." At Brian's puzzled look, she said, "Video game tournament. In fact, that's all I heard on the way down here. Thank God you had the forethought to install it."

"Yeah well, I promised that next time he came down he'd have access to it. It just so happens you came down a little earlier than expected. So the question of the hours is, what have you decided?"

"My stance hasn't changed at all, Brian. I want the divorce. There is no way this can be worked out."

"Especially not with over fifteen-thousand dollars hanging in the balance," Brian said, taking another sip of his wine. "Don't tell me you're shocked that I found out?"

"I am a bit surprised. How did you find out anyway?"

"Your wife's accountant works for me," he said, smugly.

"Ted? Ted told you?" Lindsey asked, incredulously.

"Relax, Lindz. Theodore doesn't even realize I know. I was passing by his office when I heard 15K and Mel mentioned in the same sentence. I've been accused of being a lot of things in my life, but stupid was never one of them. My father notwithstanding called me that, but he was a drunk so it doesn't count. Although I don't hold you completely responsible for the partial depletion of Gus' college fund, you are partly at fault."

"You think I don't know that, Brian," Lindsey answered him, indignantly. "I hold myself completely responsible and I don't need you to fucking tell me that."

Brian issued a blank stare in response. Lord the Lesbianics! "You finished, Joan of Arc?" At her slight nod, he continued. "Good, because I wasn't. And for the record, at least you're not trying to be Anne Boleyn, claiming innocence." He was relieved that her moment of martyrdom had passed, indicated by the quick chuckle she gave. "I only mentioned it because we're now past blame. The money is gone, but I'll replace that and keep Gus' college fund in my care with my attorney. The account can be added to, but can't be withdrawn from by anyone except us, or Gus, upon maturity. In the meantime, we have other matters to discuss. Now you are absolutely, one-hundred-percent positive you want a divorce. There is no way you're willing to work this thing out between you?"

"Brian, you know me. I never act impulsively. Well not since the days of our youth and midsummer madness. But I have really had enough. Let me explain to you what it was like since we left Pittsburgh. You know the house we live in? Melanie picked it out, it was not my choice. The interior design of the house was my choice, but with certain stipulations. The job I have was Melanie's choice, because the job I really wanted wasn't conducive to the kid's schedules, and Melanie wasn't willing to compromise on her work schedule. So I bent and worked out a schedule with my boss, which had me working part-time. So essentially, she was the bread winner and the income which you sent outside of your contribution to Gus' college fund, went to mine and Gus' share of the household expenses, which also included J.R.'s school admission. Now I know you well enough to know that you sent extra for J.R. because somewhere along the lines, Michael forgot he had a responsibility beyond six-hundred dollars a year. Perhaps if he wasn't chasing Ben around the globe, maybe he would be able to send more. Who knows?" Lindsey took a sip of water, and deep breath before she continued. "The problem with me and Mel, is that I am unwilling and unable to give up my friendship with you and denouncing your place in Gus' life, while still taking advantage of your generosity."

"Jesus, Lindz you're making me sound like a saint or something. I never looked at it as you taking advantage. I always promised you that you wouldn't want for so much as a paper airplane. I would never go back on my word."

"I know that, Brian," she said. "But that was only one reason that Melanie and I can't make it. The other is that somewhere in all of the years, I've been with her, I've lost myself. I've lost my own voice, and feel like I've stifled and suffocated the part of me that is intelligent and a fighter for the sake of keeping the peace. Only it wasn't my peace, or Gus', or even J.R.'s.  It was for the sake of giving Melanie peace. I no longer choose to suppress what I want for her benefit, or anyone else's."

Brian was silent for a time, taking sips of wine as he processed all she'd said. He understood what she meant in reference to Melanie. She was obstinate, and a fucking bully. But at the same time, she was a good person when she could stop commanding things to go her way. But if Lindsey was sure... "Did you look at the house a mile west of ours?"

"I did, and that's what took me so long. It is identical to yours, but so different at the same time. Instead of the east, west and south wings yours has, this one only has the east wing for bedrooms, which there three in all with their own en suites. The other end of the house has a library, a game room, and a place I can use as a studio should I feel like painting again. The kitchen is amazing and identical to yours and there's even a basement. The pool deck is great, but I would like it enclosed so it can be used year round if I'm going to pay the additional for it. The private park is amazing as well with nature trails and a small pond. I think it's perfect." 

Brian nodded. "You know, Lindz, you and Gus could stay with us. There's definitely enough room."

Lindsey shook her head. "No we can't, Peter." she said, invoking her personal nickname for him. "You and Justin need your time together. Most importantly, he needs his time with you without distractions." At Brian's protest, Lindsey held up her hand. "I had a long and informative talk with Justin this morning. Although I won't tell you what was said, and I didn't give him any advice one way or another, it helped that I listened. But I got the distinct feeling that although you guys argued last night, he said some things that you needed to hear. Furthermore, those things need to be puzzled out between the two of you, which can't happen thoroughly with Gus and I underfoot. Look, I know you want him and I apologize for any part I played in splitting you guys up years ago. But ask yourself, if he hadn't left would we be sitting here now having this conversation? Or would we be having the one we were having regarding Mel and I?"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Lindsey. It was his decision to go."

"But you held the door open, Brian." She reached across the table, taking his hand in hers. "What do you supposed that looked like to a twenty-three year old young adult? Young being the operative word. The only thing that you both had fault in was not fighting hard enough for what you both wanted. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing from where I'm sitting."

"It's up to him, Lindz. I won't influence his decision in any way. You know how I feel about that. I want him to be with me because he wants to, and for no other reason than that."

"And if he chooses to go...are you going to sit idly by and watch him walk away this time? I know how you feel about him having choices, Brian. I even understand where it comes from. But just like you're giving him the choice to leave you, you're making the choice not to fight for what you want, wrapping yourself in pain, loneliness and mindless fucking or drinking. Is that how you'll choose to spend the rest of your life?"

"Sorry to interrupt."

Lindsey closed her eyes in brief annoyance at the voice she'd know anywhere. Michael Novotny. Putting on her best WASP face, she uttered. "Hello, Michael."

"Hey Lindsey. I'm surprised to see you here. Is Mel and J.R. visiting with you?"

She and Brian exchanged a quick look in which she noticed his lips were folded and a single eyebrow arched. Fucker! "No, they aren't. They are still in Toronto. You should give them a call. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you."

"Okay. I will." He then turned to Brian. "Can I talk to you? Alone?"

"Well, that's my cue. Brian, I'll see you-"

"Stay here, Lindsey. We're not done."

"But Brian, I really need to talk to you," Michael said.

"Oh? About what?" Brian asked, his tone light and conversational.

"Things. To catch up. I've missed you, and it's been such a long time," Michael said.

"Yeah it has, hasn't it? Well, pull up a chair. Lindz, you don't mind, right?"

"Not at all," she answered with a slight smirk, gracing her lips. She knew what Brian was up to, even if Michael- his best friend- did not. What a fucking joke. 

"So Mikey, how are things?" Brian asked, taking another sip of Merlot and signaling the waiter. "Another bottle please and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Mikey, would you like wine or a Pepsi?" Brian knew he couldn't look at Lindsey, or he would die laughing. She was already close to tears, trying to contain the silent chuckles wracking her slim shoulders.

"Pepsi, please," Mikey answered.

Brian nodded to the waiter, who scurried off to fulfill Brian's order. "Isn't this cozy, Michael? Do you remember the last time we were here in this restaurant together?" When Michael shook his head, Brian supplied the answer. "It was right before you were to give a speech as to why Prop 14 shouldn't pass, and about a week before my wedding that didn't happen." The waiter returned with their drinks. Pouring carefully, he asked if they were ready to order. "Not quite yet, Calvin. There are two more in our party we're expecting." The waiter nodded, and left the table.

"Speaking of which," Michael began. "I heard Justin is back in town."

So we're getting to the real of it, are we Mikey? Brian blanked his features, and shrugged nonchalantly. "Yes, he is."

"Why?" The question was asked whip-sharp, causing Brian to quirk an eyebrow. Lindsey had actually jumped. Michael adjusted his tone, remembering where they were. "From what I heard, his career is going well, so why come back here?" 

"Pay close attention, Mikey because this answer is going to astound you." Brian took another long draught of his wine. He leaned toward Michael, causing him to lead forward in return. "The answer is: None of your fucking business." Brian leaned back smiling sardonically.

"Why isn't it? We've always protected each other, Brian. That hasn't changed you know. I still love you."

"The feelings mutual, Mikey. Always have, always will, but let me ask you something though. Just out of curiosity, how much did you know about the first time Justin and I broke up?" At his silence, Brian continued. "Did Justin confide in you, Michael? And think carefully before you answer. It's been a long time, after all." Brian thought back over the argument he'd had with Justin, picking out several key points.

"I can't remember," Michael answered low, and Brian could tell he was lying because of how timid he'd become. If he really didn't remember, Michael would have stayed belligerent.

Brian nodded instead. "Well, let me ask you this. Why was it every time you and Justin disagreed about anything, even things which had nothing to do with me, you managed to make it about me and my finances?" Brian leaned forward, putting his hand up under his chin. 

He was really interested in finding out the answer because as he told Justin, it was never an issue for him as it was for others like Michael and Melanie. Even Ted made reference to it sometimes, but it wasn't done with malice, or out of spite and jealousy. Only Lindsey knew of the agreement between Justin and Brian about his schooling, and the only reason she asked was because Daphne had gone to her about Justin dropping out of Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts. That was how Brian ended up writing a check for Justin by the time he made it to the Registrar's office in the company of Ethan. He'd heard about that, too.

He knew Justin had gone to his father because Daphne and Lindsey informed Brian that Craig Taylor wouldn't lift a finger to help his son. No one knew that Justin tried to reject the tuition. That was their personal business. But Michael kept involving himself anyway. Everything Justin had said in anger to Brian, kept playing on a running tape in his mind, even as he'd conducted the business meetings throughout the morning. 

"Look, Brian. I stand by everything I believed of him then, and I stand by it now. He took from you and used you and never gave back anything, but his body and heartbreak in return."

"And how exactly do you know that, Michael? Were there hidden video cameras in the loft? Did you hire a PI to follow us around? Oh wait! You had people from the FBI in your back pocket to tap our phones. That must be how you knew so much about me and Justin. But you also knew what he was feeling that time I had to choose between him and my job, right? You knew everything, everything and you just thought to tell me, or better yet drop hints, about his involvement with Ethan Gold. But you said nothing about the events leading up to it, right Michael? Those things didn't register on your list of things I should know because maybe if it did, I wouldn't have been so inclined to black your eye. Sort of exactly how I'm feeling at this moment."

Lindsey reached across the table to grip Brian's hand. "Michael, I think you'd better leave."

"No. If he's going to do it, then let him if it will make him feel better. Justin was trouble from the moment you met him. You got rid of him, and now he's back to cause you more trouble. What is it this time? He ran out of money, or doesn't have a place to stay? Are you just so fucking desperate for younger ass than yours that you'll put up with anything to get it?  Are twenty-somethings now off limits? What the fuck is wrong with you? You can have anybody you want, but you would rather settle for the scheming blond, good-for-nothing trick of your past. Move the fuck on already!"

Brian was rising out of his seat to make good on kicking his ass, when he saw who stood behind Michael. He hadn't heard or seen him approach, but he could tell by the look on his face he'd heard every single word spoken. Fuck!

"Brian, sit down," Justin said, very softly. He had stood behind Michael, listening to every word spoken against him. "Here, you look these over. I have to return them to Quinn by morning. In the meantime, I will address, Mikey. After all, it's my character he's disparaging...again." He handed the large packet to Brian, who immediately began to pull out the stack of papers, but he didn't look at them right away. 

There were a few things people never realized about Justin Taylor. The first was he had a damn solid left hook, which Brian had found out about during a naked wrestling match in Justin's Pink Posse days. The other was when he was feeling murderous or close to it, he didn't yell... a lot. He mainly just talked softly. He yelled when he was moderately pissed off, but the quiet moments were usually where one should get concerned.

Brian always thought it amazing that pissed and angry never meant the same thing in Justin's world. Daphne understood that. Brian understood it. But Lindsey and Michael were about to learn it. They each were about to get a crash course in the dichotomy, which made up Justin Taylor's temper; one through observation, while the other was through occurence. 

"Better watch your back, Brian. He may be looking for a good place to stab you in it," Michael continued, satisfied that the object of his scorn stood before him so he could speak his piece. "What the fuck are you doing here, Justin? Shouldn't you be in New York looking for a Sugar Daddy? Why don't you leave him alone?"

Brian shifted in his seat as Justin began to speak again; partially in preparation in case he had to pull Justin off Michael, the other reason was a very inconvenient bulge forming in the front of his pants. Dominant Justin was always a major turn-on.

Justin laughed, and shook his head. "Here's a little something you may not be aware of..." Justin leaned closer to Michael's ear. "You ready? You whine when you talk. It annoys people and makes them want to punch you in the mouth, especially when you're assassinating their character. Instead, I probably should just sue for slander and defamation of character which would land you and your hubby, who really wouldn't be very happy with Lil' Mikey, in the poor house. That's the only warning you're going to get."

"Listen, you little shit..."

"No, you listen," Justin shot back. "I have had enough of your jealous griping, and then pretending to really care when it was evident you didn't. Believing you was my stupidity. But I'm not that kid anymore, Michael."

"And what the fuck's that supposed to mean?"

Justin lowered his voice as he bent at the waist to look Michael in the eye. "It means that you should really watch your mouth when it comes to me, Michael. Brian stopped at blacking your eye. I won't." Justin left Michael sitting there, his mouth open in stunned silence as he moved toward Brian. 

Things weren't anywhere near resolved between he and Brian, but Justin knew they would be one way or the other, sooner rather than later. He slid onto Brian's lap, positioning himself where his outer thigh caressed the bulge between Brian's legs and kissed him, slowly at first. Then with speed, and building intensity. Justin parted Brian's lips with his tongue and delved in, controlling every millisecond of the exchange. He pulled gasps and moans from Brian, as if he was playing the finest instrument.

Justin deepened the kiss again, changing the landscape and Brian had no choice but to follow his lead. He moved his thigh subtly in time with his tongue, as Brian became wilder beneath him. A loud clearing of the throat interrupted the exchange, but not the connection. Justin stared into Brian's eyes, which were passion-glazed. But there was something else, too.

Justin smiled as he named the emotion. "You love me," he whispered. Brian nodded. "Not good enough. Say it."

"Later."

Justin nodded, but nestled closer into Brian's arms and whispered. "Still love you, too."

"Enough to..."

"Later," Justin said, while reluctantly unseating himself from Brian's lap. "Come on, Daph." And he left the restaurant. Yes, he definitely had some thinking to do....

Lindsey was relieved in a sense, because she had just avoided having to explain to the waiter why the table was flipped over, and the CEO of Kinnetik, Corp. and his- for all intents and purposes- husband was rolling around on the floor, fucking in public. The passion ignited between Brian and Justin was immediate, and searing hot. So much emotion was visible that she was tempted to let it go on so she could watch. She heard the whispered words from Justin as if he'd spoken them directly to her, and saw her friend of many years almost give into the temptation to lay his feelings bare in front of everyone, including the sour-faced person, still moderately stunned into silence at the exchange.

She decided she wanted that for herself, and it solidified her resolve not to go back to the lackluster life she'd just fled. She watched as Brian settled in to read the paperwork Justin brought in word for word, before he began signing each document with care and precision. Turning to Michael she asked simply,  "Will you leave him alone to run his own life now?"

And laughed as, looking as petulant as she'd ever seen him, he fled the restaurant. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shit! What was Justin doing back in Pittsburgh? Seeing him at the bank was a shock. But... What the hell was he doing back in Pittsburgh?

To see him smile, being happy in the presence of Daphne Chanders reminded me of old times when the two of them were inseparable. When they didn't have a care in the world besides homework, before.... Before Justin made the announcement that would wreck the happy home Jennifer and I built.

‘It doesn't matter what you do, Dad. I'll still be your queer son.'  

It was said with conviction and smugly. He wasn't willing to hide for anyone, not even himself. Part of me admired that kind of determination. It was the same kind of determination I had when the naysayers said I couldn't make a success of the Electronics store, instead of becoming the Investment Banker my father wanted me to be. He'd turned down Dartmouth because he couldn't be what I wanted him to be...

And because he hadn't wanted to leave his lover, fucking Brian Kinney.

Were they back together? Was that the reason he was back? Despite what I told Jim, I kept abreast of Justin's career and knew he was doing exceptionally well. If he was straight, I would be proud to call and claim him as my son. Jennifer had no problem doing so, but she was his mother; she wasn't supposed to have a problem with it.

It was different for a man, and his boy.

The dynamics were always different, especially in our upper crux of society. There were many things that were just not accepted, and homosexuality were first amongst them. We are God-fearing Christians. It goes against everything natural, and good, and right. Yet, seeing Justin today...

I miss him. I love him, but I hate what he's become. And I know who to blame for it all... That Brian Kinney! So, if Justin is the way to get to him, so be it.

"Craig how much did you find out at the bank? Was Townsend able to access the records?" Jim asked.

"I couldn't find out much with the exception that Quinn handles Brian Kinney's numerous accounts and they are all on a separate network. Mark Townsend is only able to access information as basic as ours. Kinney was smart in having the codes to his accounts hidden. There are only two people within the bank with access to those files. Quinn is one of them; the other remains a secret. It could be anyone, but it's definitely not Townsend."

"What makes you so sure it isn't?" Samuel Hobbs, Senior asked. Although almost eighty-five years old, he still wielded power and authority as natural as breathing. 

"I sat there as he tried code after code, Senior, and nothing worked. I know that his access was not blocked through the usual methods, because he was able to pull up all of our records in succession and that of our businesses. No, there is another way to access the information. But it isn't through the main network, and Quinn won't give it up."

Samuel Hobbs, Jr. nodded. "We know that above all, his integrity means the world to him. We could torture him and everyone he knows, but he still wouldn't give up the information we want. Since his wife died, there's no one he cares about enough to threaten, especially since they didn't have children. Well, how do you suppose we get into his finances? From my research, his major accounts are not willing to part with him. Admittedly, I can understand why. He's done fabulous work for them."

A butt-fucker should not have so much power, and influence over God-fearing people. Yet, they're willing to overlook where he sticks his dick as long as their bottom line meets expectations?" 

Hobbs, Junior nodded. "It's downright shameful! Christopher is still struggling with what he did to young Taylor fourteen years ago. Although he's managed to make a substantial living for his wife and family, he's no longer welcome in our circles. And that's bad for business all the way around."

Craig grew extremely still, and silent at the reference to Christopher Hobbs, and the bashing that almost took his son's life. Although he couldn't blame Hobbs because of Justin's perverted lifestyle, he was still angry because the occupants of the room, including former Police Chief Stockwell, had allowed him to get away with it using their money and connections. Craig felt, at the very least, Chris should have been privately and sufficiently punished. But he hadn't been. Instead, he was allowed to continue with life as he always had with the exception of being admitted into their social club. He was even taking a more active role in his family's multi-million dollar construction business. 

"So what can we do," Jim asked. "If Kinney has amassed the funds and buying power you say he has, how can we get to him?"

Senior answered, "Bombing Babylon again is not an option. We almost didn't get away with it the last time. The only reason we did is because Joshua decided to go underground with the money we paid him before the bomb even went off. He could have betrayed us with everything we've done to him prior.  Furthermore, how were we to know that Kinney wouldn't even be in attendance at the benefit? He arrived later. But as the intended target, the whole episode was a debacle. We could call Joshua back, but to what purpose?"

"No. I think there has to be more thought put into this if Jim, and all of us are to have our revenge on this interloper," Junior adamantly stated, and with good reason. He had the most to lose in the entire situation, if anyone outside that room ever discovered the true connection between Joshua Markham and Samuel Hobbs, Jr. "And what are your thoughts on this, Craig? You've been silent with the exception of providing the details."

Craig had been still and silent since he imparted the information, knowing he had to make a definite decision about telling his companions about Justin's sudden arrival in Pittsburgh. Yes, he wanted Kinney to suffer, but was he willing to put Justin at risk? He couldn't ask Jennifer about Justin's involvement with Kinney without looking suspicious, and Molly was away at Dartmouth. The only viable option was to attack Kinney from within his company. But how?

"I'll agree with whatever you plan to do. But again, it has to be well-planned. I have a wife and young son to consider now, and will not put them at risk. In the meantime, none of this conversation leaves this room, and keep your ears open. There's something we're missing, but I don't know what it is."

"I still have contacts and supporters within the police department," Jim said. "Now that Horvath is gone, they shouldn't be too hard to access."

Craig nodded. "Well, I suggest we adjourn until we all have something more than speculation to speak on." Putting down the half-full glass of vodka tonic he held, he exited the house through the doors of study in which they all sat. The revenge on Brian Kinney was just too good to pass up.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Christopher Marc Hobbs was leading a double life. And he knew it. Part of him was ashamed because of an incident that happened many years prior to entering the bar he sat in. The other part of him felt free. Because within the setting of Boy Toy, he could be exactly who he was.

To the outside world, he was an upstanding family man with a wife, and two children. He went to church every Sunday, and ran his family's construction company. He was a known homophobe, especially after bashing Justin Taylor with a baseball bat fourteen years ago. He had never bothered to correct the assumption that it was because Justin made a pass at him, and he was in fear of his asshole. The truth was that after he allowed Justin to jerk him off in the equipment room and the teacher walked in, Chris panicked thinking that Justin would reveal his secret.

Which Justin actually did on Liberty Avenue months later, but it was in defense of himself.

Chris could admit that now. It was after Chris had incited situation after situation, including a verbal contretemps between Mr. Dixon and Justin, resulting in the latter being suspended. Justin had gotten fed up, and in retrospect, Chris couldn't blame him. As Justin and his friends were about to enter Woody's Bar, Chris remembered being confronted by Justin about his presence on Liberty Avenue. Allison had only been his girlfriend back then, instead of his wife. But when Chris pushed Justin, he was confronted by an older man, who looked as if he would kill him if he touched Justin again.

It was only then that Justin revealed the secret Chris was determined to keep hidden; the memory he'd jerked off to every night since it happened.

Of course, no one believed Justin. But Chris knew the truth... So did Justin. A few months later at the prom, watching Justin and his lover gaze at each other as if no one else existed while they danced and kissed, made Chris feel enraged and disgusted by turns. Many thought it was just because of the implied outing on Liberty Avenue.

It wasn't.

They thought it was simply because he was a homophobe. Again, it wasn't. According to the judge and his attorney, Chris did the right thing because of his fine, moral upbringing. In truth, Chris couldn't give a shit about that at the time. That long ago fateful night had been about one very important thing.

All-consuming jealousy.

Chris was pissed at Justin for bringing his lover to the prom. For having the courage to be openly gay, whereas Chris could not be. Justin Taylor was everything the football hero couldn't be. He was smart, courageous, out, proud, and unashamed of who he was. But most of all, Justin was loved. 

As he sat in the bar window, remembering all the events that led up to visiting Boy Toy for the first time, the object of his thoughts passed by the window, walking aimlessly. Once again, panic set in. What if he saw me? He hopped off the barstool as if bitten, and backed up slowly away from the window still focused on the outside view.

"Chris honey, why are you so pale?" his companion, George asked him. He had been seeing George for over a year secretly under the last name Jacobs. George was sweet, mild-mannered and had a bubbly personality. He was everything his wife wasn't.

"No reason, baby. You ready to get out of here?" Chris asked, feeling like gravel was stuck in his throat.

"That depends, lover. Are you staying the night this time?"

"Sure babe." He was gratified that his answer made George happy. Since Allison, and the kids were out of town, there wasn't a reason to turn George down. But he had to get off of Liberty Avenue before...

No, he wouldn't think of it.

He ushered George out the door of the bar, linking his arm with his. He hurried them towards the alley where his car was parked, hoping with every fiber of his being that he hadn't been spotted. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin walked in the house, his mind automatically visualizing where the furniture was so he wouldn't bump into anything. His ears perked up at the sound of Sam Smith singing "Stay With Me," the words penetrating his mind. He needed a shower, even though he hadn't fucked anyone. Brian didn't need to know that. After dropping Daphne off at the Staybridge Hotel, he'd  parked it down on Liberty Avenue and just walked around for awhile.

He didn't feel like visiting the old haunts, Woody's or the Diner and after the last few nights spent at Babylon, he was over it. He needed time to clear his head; to figure out if what Brian was asking of him was really worth the risks. There was never an easy choice with Brian. But he was right, because...

Well this time, it was all or nothing.

Either Justin was in it for the long haul, or it was time to cut and run for good. No more limbo. No going back. No coming or going, no coming, and then going... Only coming and staying.

That last was the only real question here. 

He thought about the events of the afternoon. The magnitude of leaving his livelihood, and basically his entire life, in Brian's hands was symbolic in the most fundamental way. He trusted Brian implicitly to see to his best interests, no matter what their personal relationship was. He'd always considered Brian his best friend. The only one who could surpass Daphne, and Brian was a genius at business.

That had been enough reason to sign the papers leaving everything Justin owned to him.

He instinctively knew Brian would make sure his mom, Molly and Daphne were taken care of. He even left a codicil in his will for his father, and baby brother. No matter how estranged he and his father was, Justin still considered him Dad. Even if they would never speak, or acknowledge each other again. Craig had been selfish in making his love for Justin conditional; he could not do the same. 

The stunner of the afternoon was hearing Brian actually berate Michael, on his behalf. It was something he never thought he'd see in a million years. He and Daphne had just stood there, listening as Brian asked- no, demanded- answers for what he did to Justin. Michael was finally being held accountable for playing both sides in order to get what he really wanted, which was Brian's unconditional affection and unobstructed attention. Even though Michael had Ben and Hunter, it had not been enough for him.

In Michael's mind, it was okay for him to be happy as long as Brian didn't change. Justin was the thing that changed Brian, therefore he had to be removed by any means necessary. In one instance, Justin actually felt sorry for Michael. He understood what it was like to love someone, and it not be returned. He smiled to himself. 

That didn't last for years though. 

However, Justin couldn't, and wouldn't absolve Michael of his wrongdoings as many others had done constantly during his relationship with Brian. Justin wouldn't even absolve himself for his culpability in letting them tear apart the one worthwhile relationship he'd ever had. A relationship that was as vital as air. When he'd heard enough, Justin stepped in to defend himself in a way that was unexpected, but no less potent than if Brian had done it, as he had many times before. He'd never felt stronger within himself than the moment he'd kissed the man he loved.

Justin had lost himself completely, and immediately. Had felt something inside him fuse together, at the moment of contact. It was a part of himself he'd never realized was broken before. There were no more questions or indecisions. His mind was silent, and the ever-present restlessness was finally still.

He was just about to sit down on the couch when the light switched on.

"You're home early," Brian said, his raspy voice causing an involuntary shiver deep within Justin.

They hadn't spoken in depth again since the night before. Brian was gone before Justin woke up, which was just as well. He didn't know what to say about their argument, or the subsequent events. His dick contracted involuntarily at the thought of being at Brian's mercy again. It had been many years since he'd been dominated like that, or better yet, allowed it.     

"Yeah, the action wasn't what I thought tonight." He said flopping down on the couch, next to Brian. "So what's up? Why were you sitting here in the dark?"     

"Just thinking."     

"About?" Justin was genuinely curious. It wasn't like Brian to get introspective, except only on few occasions in their long and varied relationship. The last time he'd really seen him ponder anything as deeply to have frown lines in his forehead was the night Brian decided to give up his parental rights fifteen years ago. "Seriously, what's wrong, Brian? You're scaring me."     

Brian chuckled a little, shaking his head. "I remember a time I told you the same thing a little over ten years ago."     

Justin thought back to their conversation in the loft. Really his conversation, in which Brian just stood and listened by the refrigerator while he told him he was leaving. And there they were, at the same crossroad all over again. "So what have you decided?" Justin asked the same question Brian asked him.     

"I want you, but then you already know that," Brian said, simply. "What you don't know is how serious I am about permanently having you... Not just in my bed, but in my life."     

Justin's heartbeat sped up. It was what he'd asked himself as he'd walked around. Kept trying to figure out if he was just Brian's mid-life crisis of the moment, and if he was, what he was going to do about it. "And?" Justin needed to hear what he had been thinking sitting there in the dark. 

Nothing else. 

This was not about sex; it was about them period. So much needed to be done, and spoken. Justin needed clarity, and reassurance that if he picked his life up to moved it back to Pittsburgh again, there wouldn't be a reason to regret it, or look back. That there wouldn't be any more break-ups to make-ups. That this time, neither of them would run from whatever tried to undertake them again.

Brian took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. His fist tightened, and Justin could tell he was nervous, although he gave no other outward signs of it. He raised his eyes to meet Brian's. Love shown through them, filtering outward to Justin. Warming him, and thawing the ice he'd encased his heart in where Brian was concerned.

Hurt looked back at Justin. And for the first time, he knew just how deeply he'd hurt the one person he loved more than his own life. Yeah, he'd wanted Brian to feel what being with him was like for years. But at what cost? Brian opened his palm slowly, revealing two precious metals Justin instantly recognized. 

"You never returned them?" Justin couldn't believe what he was seeing.     

"No. I never returned them, and now I'm going to ask you the one thing I should have ten years ago. Stay with me?"      

The words of the song reached Justin again, and how appropriate the words were for them and their story; their history. What started as a one-night-stand evolved into their non-relationship, which in fact was everything to both of them. And Brian held the evidence of it in the palm of his hand. The answer to Justin's questions stared him in the face as clear as a beacon from a lighthouse over dark waters. Justin smiled at the analogy.

There really wasn't any guarantees; just small leaps of faith and confidence in the decisions made, and the person chosen to make them with.     

"Yes."     

"Yes what?" Brian smiled that sly, sexy smile at him.     

"Okay," Justin said returning the smile, remembering when Brian had proposed to him the second time.

"Okay? Say it." Brian inched closer to Justin, his nearness making Justin feel light-headed and giddy as always. But it was magnified by what Justin was agreeing to.     

Justin reached out, hands diving into Brian's hair. He leaned in, placing a gentle kiss against Brian's lips and feeling the slight push back to his own. "Yeah, I'll stay with you," Justin whispered before swooping in to kiss Brian fully.

Heaven knows,  

I'm head over heels and it shows

I've played every field, I suppose...*

He took Brian's breath, gave it back, reveling in that languid feeling which always overtook him when kissing Brian Kinney. The rightness of his decision, transferred itself into their exchange. Then Brian took control of the kiss, tilting Justin's head at such an angle where he could plunge deeper inside. Over and over, Brian kept control of Justin, not letting him catch his breath. Relief and love was evident in every swipe of Brian's tongue over his.

His fingers tangled in Brian's hair, trying to bring him even closer. He didn't want any space between them, ever again. Brian shifted Justin, his  tongue sliding from Justin's mouth to the special spot just behind his ear. Justin had no choice, but to moan in response, as the word mine floated through his thoughts. As if Brian heard him, he uttered the sentiment causing an animalistic groan to escape Justin.

"Upstairs now," Justin whispered against Brian's lips.

"Here," Brian answered back.

"Uh-huh. Lindz and Gus don't need to see what I'm about to do to you," Justin growled against his lips. "They don't need to hear how loud I'm going to make moan, or hear me making you say my name over and over. Do you want to explain to your son why his dad became a whimpering, blubbering idiot?"

Justin pulled his head back to stare into Brian's eyes, which held a hungry, predatory look and almost made Justin cream his jeans right then.

"Upstairs now," Brian said.

Justin laughed. "I thought so."

But there's something about you

When you're around, Baby I have found...*

They raced up the stairs, pausing ever so often to exchange heated kisses and caresses along the way. Practically falling into the doorway of their private retreat, Justin wasted no time undressing Brian. The popping and ripping sounds of the shirt being torn from his lover's body and his own incited Justin further. Taking charge he turned, kicking the door closed and attacked Brian in one smooth motion. He kissed Brian hard and heavy, following him down onto the king- sized bed.

His fingers tangled in Brian's hair, trying to bring him into him even closer. He swallowed the soft moans emitting from Brian as he continued his assault. Justin realized they would never last at their frenzied pace, so he slowed down but still kept the intensity of the exchange. Reluctantly releasing the sensuous lips underneath his, he kissed his lover's eyes, ears and the tip of his nose while enjoying the feel of the hands which held him close. Justin arched his back at the feel of Brian's nails scraping softly down his back as he tongued the spot on his neck which always caused Brian's dick to twitch.

Justin sat astride him bringing their crotches close as he began moving softly against him.

"You still have too many clothes on, Sunshine," Brian whispered followed by a deep moan as Justin continued to kiss his neck.

"So do you. Switch places with me," Justin murmured back. "I want to watch you take the rest of yours off."

Brian laughed softly. "Oh, you want a show?"

"Yep. I've earned it."

Brian palmed Justin's ass, squeezing the cheeks tightly holding Justin in place as he ground his hips upward. "And what are you going to give me as a reward, if I do what you say?"

Justin chuckled softly enjoying the subtle tremor that raced through Brian. "Would you rather know? Or would you rather feel what I'm going to do?" He tongued Brian's ear briefly as he felt himself being lifted and tossed, unceremoniously, on the bed. He couldn't help but laugh, and was gratified to hear the love of his life's laughter as well. 

Yeah...he is the love of my life and always will be.  

The thought sobered Justin as he accepted what had always been inevitable, no matter how each of them tried to fight fate, or let others decide their fate for them. Brian was a man who only loved once, and so was Justin. He understood that as he watched Brian slowly and tortuously slide his pants and briefs down his long legs. Brian Kinney wore clothes like a boss, but without them he looked like a golden-skinned god. Justin's mouth went dry at the sight of his long limbs.

Not overly muscular, but well-defined broken up only by the small thatch of hair on his pubes. The rest of Brian was as smooth as it ever was, the years not seeming to have aged him, nor diminished the power of the man he'd met all those years ago.

Justin crooked his finger for Brian to come closer. Settling himself on the edge of the bed, he caressed every inch of Brian's body he could reach. First, with his hand and then with his tongue. He took his time rediscovering all of his lover's erogenous zones, paying attention to Brian's change in breathing when he ghosted his lips over them. He laid back, letting Brian remove the rest of his clothes, then urged Brian down on top of him to began making love to him in earnest. Rolling Brian over to his back, Justin went straight for Brian's cock, deep-throating without warning.

He licked upward, allowing his tongue to wet all surfaces, before taking Brian fully down his throat again. He felt the hands on his head, massaging his scalp, as he continued painting Brian's dick with his tongue. He changed speed and rhythm frequently, never allowing his lover to get comfortable with any motion. When he hollowed out his cheeks, and lapped at the head creating a suction to rival any vacuum, Brian's back bowed off the bed as Justin watched what his actions did to him.

The hand on his head gripped tighter. He could tell Brian was so close to coming. But Justin wasn't ready for him to. Not yet. He began an easy motion, until the hand entangled in his hair gentled.

As soon as it did, Justin began all over again.

"Fuck! You're killing me, Sunshine," Brian gritted out.

"I know," Justin replied, smiling before swallowing Brian again, burying his nose in his groin. Brian's scent was intoxicating. 

Justin allowed his throat to open and close around the head, as Brian continued to moan, groan and curse both his satisfaction, and his sensual agony at Justin's hands. Goddamn, there was nothing on earth that could take the place of bedding Brian Kinney! He opened his jaw wide enough to wet two of his fingers, removing them only when they were sufficiently saturated. Justin began preparing Brian even more efficiently for what he wanted to do to the writhing man beneath him. The digits of one hand penetrated little by little, while the other reached up to squeeze and torment Brian's ultra-sensitive nipples.

Justin smiled remembering the time he'd almost made Brian come, just by sucking and biting the flat disc that adorned his chest. Justin released Brian's cock momentarily to swipe at the sac beneath it. He sucked and licked at it, applying a little nip to make Brian convulse in pleasurable pain before moving lower. His tongue traded places with his fingers, which had begun to jerk his lover off. Justin rimmed the puckered opening, allowing his tongue to penetrate slowly.

"Oh God... Justin," Brian moaned.

Justin chuckled, and blew softly against the wetness. "No, just Justin will do." He heard Brian chuckle. "So how do you want me? Face down, ass up? Riding you?" Justin bit the inside of Brian's thigh, while enunciating every word. His breath caught at Brian's next words.

" Fuck me," Brian groaned out.  

"How?" Justin asked. There was no question who the top was in their relationship. But ever so often, the roles reversed. It was always best to have clarification before Brian changed his mind.

"I don't care, Justin, I just need..."

"I know exactly what you need," Justin answered.

He eased himself on top of Brian, bringing their bodies flush against each other. Looking into his eyes, Justin understood why Brian was asking it of him. The very first time Brian allowed Justin the pleasure of entering his body, it was a short time before the whole Ethan episode of their lives. Prior to that, things were good and solid between them. But it was the ultimate act of trust for Brian, and never to be taken lightly or for granted.

Justin leaned in, kissing Brian gently, while reaching for the requisite by the bed. Justin lubed his fingers to begin the process of preparing Brian for his entry. Since Brian wasn't used to being a bottom, and that the only other person Brian had ever let into him was his long-gone gym teacher, Justin knew Brian would be beyond tight. "Relax, Brian. Let me in."

Brian nodded as Justin gained the first ring then the second, pushing in gently, but firmly. He held the finger still until Brian began squirming against it on his own. He repeated the exercise with the other fingers in succession, scissoring his fingers to aid in the stretching of the muscle. He smiled when Brian pushed back harder and faster against his fingers, even though he kept his responding movements easy and light.

"No more waiting, Sunshine. I'm ready," Brian groaned in earnest. Justin hurried to oblige and relieve his lover.

Placing Brian's legs over his shoulder and rolling on the condom, Justin applied a steady pressure against the opening, watching Brian's face. Once gaining entry, he held himself steady, allowing Brian to take as much as he could before stopping, so his body could adjust to the intrusion. With anyone else, Justin wouldn't have cared so much. But this was Brian.

His lover.

His best friend.

The man who knew him better than anyone; the man he would spend the rest of his life loving.

So Justin had no choice, but to care. Finally, Brian was seated fully on Justin's cock, a look of pure, unadulterated pleasure emblazoned on his perfect features.

"Open your eyes and look at me, Brian," Justin said, softly.

When Brian did, only then did Justin begin to move. He rocked into Brian gently, taking his cues from the body beneath him. He sped up when Brian's body demanded more, a word the ecstasy on Brian's face wouldn't let him say. He kept up the rhythm, plunging in deeply taking care to pass over the prostate. He was gratified further with each gasp that escaped Brian as Justin adjusted himself, rotating his hips smoothly, and causing deep ripples within Brian's core. Each tremor that wracked Brian, Justin felt just as strongly.

He let one of Brian's legs slip down to his forearm, then finally wider, which changed the fit inside of Brian's tight channel. It made him even tighter. Justin shivered at the sensation, and Brian chuckled through a groan. He knew what happened because of how many times he'd done the same to Justin. In retaliation, Justin began to jerk off Brian, causing warring sensations within his lover's delicious body.

"I never...taught you that," Brian panted as he moaned.

"I know," Justin answered smugly, while building the speed of both his hand and cock.

Brian became frenzied under Justin's touch. He kept up his ministrations, drilling into the tight fit harder, and applying a snap of his hips. Justin grinned when Brian bit his lip to keep from yelling loudly. He did repeated his actions again and again, until the tell-tale change in Brian's breathing occurred. Brian's body began moving faster of its own accord. 

"Oh fuck yeah," Brian bit out. His gaspy moans coming in rapid succession.

"You're close, huh?" Justin teased, his voice low and seductive.

Brian reached up, pulling Justin down fully on top of him. "Shut the fuck up and make me come," he demanded through gritted teeth, trying to delay the imminent eruption.

Justin knew exactly what Brian was feeling, as he kissed Justin hard. In turn, Justin plunged his tongue between the parted lips fully. Brian moaned against the invading organ, even as Justin's orgasm began bearing down on him. Brian ass clenched around him as he got closer, to the edge of no return. It was as a siren's call, triggering Justin's hips to move faster. 

Justin tore his mouth away, panting and groaning. "God... Damn, how the fuck did. You. Just. Get. Tighter?" Oh God, he's.... Justin couldn't finish the thought as Brian continued to clench and release around him.

Brian couldn't answer as the sensations tore at him. Justin understood that since they were the same ones battering Justin while he ushered them toward climax. Brian had thrown his head back, and Justin watched as the release happened as if in slow motion. He had never seen anything more beautiful, and so fulfilling as Brian coming undone at his hands. The sight triggered his own release, his movements becoming disjointed and jerky with the force of the orgasm.

He fell forward, burying his head into Brian's neck, felt Brian's arms tightly close around him and Justin felt it...

He had finally, finally come home.   

...I get lost in you*

*Lost in You- Garth Brooks as Chris Gaines