Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 15





Justin rolled over and blinked his eyes. He raised his head and squinted at the streak of light that was shining through the crack in the heavy, ugly, plasticized, flowered drapes of the dingy room he was in. The beam of sunlight hit him right in the face. He rubbed his eyes and looked around trying to remember how he had ended up in this dive. The Sleep Inn motel was what it was called he finally remembered. How could it be a bright sunny day outside when he felt so shitty? It should be pouring rain, with thunder and lightning, in sympathy with his feelings.

He recalled using his cell phone last night to call a cab. It had brought him here. Justin’s head flopped back onto his pillow. What the fuck was he going to do? He had nothing. His father had kicked him out without any of his belongings. He couldn’t go home and he couldn’t afford to live here for very long. He was royally screwed. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut about being gay. But no, he wanted to be honest, wanted to be true to himself, and look where that had landed him.

Now he had no job, no home, no prospects. And worse still, he had no friends. Daphne was an intern at a hospital in Philadelphia now. Jodi had got a job in Wisconsin or Utah or somewhere, working for some accounting firm. Justin was all alone.

Justin felt a tear slide out of the corner of his eye. He quickly swiped it away. He would not cry. He had decided to be truthful, and it had cost him, but at least he wouldn’t have to pretend to be something that he wasn’t.

With a heavy heart Justin threw back the covers and headed for the bathroom.



*****



Brian rolled over and looked into a pair of brown eyes. “Who the fuck are you?” Brian asked.

“We met at Babylon last night,” the guy said with a smile.

“In the backroom, no doubt,” Brian stated. Since Stockwell had been voted out of office the backrooms along Liberty had reopened and were doing a booming business.

“Yeah, some other guy had just blown you, and you were ready to go again, so I…”

Brian held up his hand to stop the lengthy explanation of how they had met. He didn’t want to know and he didn’t care. Like he gave a flying fuck anyway. “Time for you to go,” Brian said.

“I could ‘go’ again,” the guy said with a suggestive ripple of his eyebrows.

“I meant go, as in leave, depart, amscray!”

“Jesus,” the guy protested. “Can I take a shower first?”

“No, I’m low on water. Get out!”

“You really are a huge fucking asshole, Kinney!”

“And you don’t seem to be able to understand a fucking two word sentence. Get out!” Brian repeated.

“Fuck you!” the guy said as he threw back the covers and grabbed his clothes.

After a minute Brian heard the loft door slam. He hoped it was still on its track, but he couldn’t be bothered to look. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. What the hell had he done last night? He didn’t remember the guy who was in bed with him, he didn’t remember the backroom, he vaguely remembered having a drink at the bar at Babylon. Well, maybe three or four or five or a hundred. He remembered taking a snort once or twice or… Who the hell knew? What had he been thinking?

Truth was, he didn’t want to think at all. And there was the truth of it! He’d been stood up! Brian Kinney, still reigning stud of Liberty Avenue had been stood up. Was this the beginning of the end? It sure had seemed like it last night. Fuck Justin Taylor! Fuck him to Hell! Fuck them all!

Brian shut his eyes tight. He felt sick to his stomach and his head throbbed. And it wasn’t because he was hung over from too much drink and drugs. When Brian opened his eyes, he felt other eyes staring at him.

“What do you want?” he demanded of the drawing of the eyes he had purchased a long time ago from the GLC. It had been a frivolous purchase when he should have been spending his money on much more practical things back then. Ever since he had brought the sketch home, it had stood on top of his dresser leaning against the shutters, looking at him. How many times had he talked to those eyes over the years? What difference did it make? The eyes never provided him with any answers.

Or maybe they did, Brian thought. He sat up in bed. What he needed to do was talk to Justin Taylor. If he did, he could probably talk the man into his bed, and then his reputation as the Stud of Liberty Avenue would be restored to its former state, at least in his own mind. There could be any number of reasons that Justin didn’t show up the previous night. Justin had seemed to want to get together with him. Maybe something had come up. Brian snickered to himself. How many times had he used that one? Maybe he had jumped to conclusions where Justin Taylor was concerned.

Brian glanced over at the eyes. He shook his head and had to smile. Maybe he was going crazy … talking to a fucking sketch! Anyway, he had some things to do. He threw the covers back and headed for the shower.



*****



Justin dried himself off. He felt a little better having taken a shower. He needed to sit down and figure out what the hell he was going to do. He started to pull on some clothes when his stomach rumbled mightily. He realized he hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before. He had missed dinner.

Shit! Dinner! He was supposed to have dinner with Brian Kinney the night before, and he had totally forgotten about it when his father had thrown him out. Could things get any fucking worse? Justin thought about calling Brian, but they had not exchanged phone numbers. They had always met at Taylor Electronics or talked on the phone at work, and they had arranged their dinner date, if that’s what it could be called, from there. Justin knew Brian owned Kinnetik Advertising, but it was Saturday and he doubted the company would be open. He’d have to wait until Monday to get in touch with Brian.

Besides he had other more pressing things to think about, like how he was going to survive. He finished dressing, listening to his stomach rumble. He needed to get some breakfast and figure out what the fuck he was going to do. He grabbed his room key and headed out to see if there was a diner nearby.



*****



Brian slid into the booth at the Liberty Diner. He was beside Michael. Ted and Emmett sat across from him.

“Someone looks like shit,” Emmett observed as he broke off some pancake and stuffed it into his mouth. Only Emmett had the balls to say things like that to Brian.

Brian glared at him. “I had a busy night,” Brian replied to cover up what had actually happened.

“I know,” Emmett replied. “I saw you at Babylon.”

Brian raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything in response. He wondered what Emmett would say about his activities at Babylon. Since Brian didn’t remember much of the evening, he had no way of knowing what Emmett might have seen.

“Pray, tell us all about the mighty adventures of the Stud of Liberty,” Ted coaxed.

“The inimitable Mr. Kinney disappeared into the backroom and I never saw him again,” Emmett said, picking up a strip of bacon and nibbling on the end.

“So nothing’s changed,” Michael chuckled. “We know that’s Brian’s favorite vacation spot.”

“Coffee,” Brian said to Kiki as she went by. Trust Michael to get him off the hook.

“You should eat a good breakfast,” Michael said, as he hoovered in his own eggs and bacon. “We’re going to the gym after this.”

“Not me,” Brian said. “I’m working on a new ad campaign. I’m going to the office.”

“Briiiaan,” Michael whined. “You hardly ever spend time with us, and now you won’t come to the gym with us.”

“I have work to do,” Brian stated.

“Leave him alone, Michael,” Ted advised. “You can find him at Babylon tonight.”

“Can I?” Michael asked giving Brian the puppy dog eyes.

“We’ll see,” Brian replied, as he finished his coffee and threw a five dollar bill on the table. “Gotta go.”

And he left the diner before any of them could say more.



*****



Justin sat in the small diner down the street from the motel. He had found a paper by the entrance and was currently scanning the employment opportunities section. He had to get a job, but he had no idea what he was looking for. He had a degree in business, but the last thing he wanted to do was work at something like he had been doing at his father’s company. He needed to find something more … creative.

Justin finished the last of his bacon and his last swallow of coffee. There was nothing in the help wanted ads that he was either qualified for or was interested in. He leaned his elbows on the table and rubbed his temples with his fingers. What the fuck was he going to do?

After a few minutes of self pity, Justin decided he needed to take matters into his own hands and do something more worthwhile than wallowing. He pulled out his cell phone and punched in the familiar numbers.

“Mom?” he said when a voice answered.

“Oh, Justin what happened? I’ve been so worried. Where are you?” Jennifer asked.

“Not worried enough to come out of the house to get me,” Justin said unable to keep his bitterness from pouring out.

“Justin, that’s not fair. You know what your father’s like when…”

“When he doesn’t get what he wants,” Justin said finishing the sentence for her.

“What didn’t he get? What do you mean?”

“I told him I’m gay, Mom, and … he threw me out. He said he has no son,” Justin managed to choke out as he fought back his tears. “He treated me like a piece of shit that he was trying to scrape off the bottom of his shoe. Once I said I was gay, it was like everything changed. I spent four years at Dartmouth doing what he wanted me to do … and then he kicks me out.”

“Justin, he was so upset. Give him time.”

“Time for what?” Justin demanded swiping a tear away. “There’ll never be enough time, not in a billion years, to fix the way he treated me last night. I didn’t even recognize him anymore. I couldn’t believe he was my father … and according to him he no longer is.”

“Justin, what can I do?”

“There’s nothing that you can do,” Justin said sadly. “Dad’s done it all.”

“Then … why did you even call?”

“Mom, I have … nothing. Can I come get some clothes … that is, if Dad’s not there?” Justin heard the hesitation, and for a minute he thought his mother was going to turn him away too.

“Okay, Justin, come over right now. Your father’s at his office.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” Justin said.

He quickly paid his bill at the diner and caught a cab to his former home.



*****



Brian was sketching up his ideas for the Liberty Air meeting. If he could make this work, he just might be able to snaffle Liberty Air from the Ryder Agency. Liberty Air was one of the few big companies that had stayed with Marty Ryder’s failing company, and now they were about ready to jump ship too.

Looking at the boards that Harry, his artist, had drawn up, based on the ideas that Brian had given him, Brian knew they weren’t good enough. They were good, but they wouldn’t blow the people from Liberty Air away. And that’s what Brian needed … to blow the execs away with his presentation.

Brian continued to stare at the boards. He had a meeting arranged with the Liberty Air people on Tuesday. That gave him three days to come up with something better. Brian rubbed his hand through his hair. He knew he couldn’t force these things. He had to let his creative ideas come of their own free will. They would come to him if he was patient.  Trouble was he didn't have a lot of time for patience.

Just then the phone rang. Brian was going to let it go to the answering service, but he also was looking for a distraction. That was often how he got some of his best ideas. He picked up the phone and said, “Kinney.”

“Brian, it’s Craig Taylor.”

Brian groaned inwardly. Craig Taylor wasn’t exactly his favorite distraction. “What can I do for you, Craig?” Brian asked using the first name that Craig kept telling him to use.

“I was going to leave a message asking you to bring me the proofs for the ads you designed for the new store opening.”

“I thought they were approved,” Brian said with a frown.

“I … I may have changed my mind.”

“About what?”

“I think I want the flyers to have the black print, not the purple.”

“Oh, may I ask why you changed your mind?”

“I … I’d like to see the two side by side, so I can make an informed decision,” Craig said. He knew he didn’t want the purple lettering. That idea had come from Justin and he wanted nothing from his faggot son, including faggot colored lettering on his ads.

“Would you like me to bring them over?” Brian asked. It might do him good to get out of Kinnetik for a while. A change of scenery might inspire a new idea. And maybe he would see Justin at Taylor Electronics. Then he could find out what had happened last night when they were supposed to have dinner. He could make it look completely natural that he happened to be at Taylor Electronics. After all, Craig Taylor had been the one to call him in order to see the ads.

“Could you? I’d like to make a decision and get them out right away. The new store is going to be ready soon.”

“I’ll be there in about half an hour,” Brian said.

“Great.” Craig cut the connection.

Things were looking up. Brian had a reason to get out of his office and he could find out why the fuck Justin hadn’t shown up at the restaurant. Brian loved killing two birds with one stone.



*****



“Mom,” Justin said as Jennifer opened the door to his once and nevermore home. He hesitated expecting her to pull him into a hug. That didn’t happen. He wasn’t even sure she was going to let him cross the threshold.

“Justin,” Jennifer said, as she finally stepped back enough to let him enter.

“Mom, I’m sorry about what happened with Dad, but I had to tell him. I couldn’t stand it any longer.” Justin’s voice pleaded for understanding.

“Why couldn’t you have just kept quiet? Things were going so well,” Jennifer whispered.

“I have to be who I am,” Justin replied. “I lived the life Dad wanted me to for four years at Dartmouth. I tried, Mom, I really did. But enough’s enough.”

“Justin, I think you better get your things and leave. I’m sure your father won’t be happy knowing that I let you in here.”

Justin shook his head. “You’re backing Dad, aren’t you? You’ve turned against me too.”

“I haven’t turned against you,” Jennifer said sadly. “I just know that I can’t contradict what your father says. Where would Molly and I be if I did that?”

“Probably out on the street like I am, Mom,” Justin said before he ran up the stairs to grab some clothes and get the fuck out of this house where he was no longer wanted.



*****



“Mr. Taylor,” Brian said tapping at Craig’s open office door. “I brought the ads.”

“Thanks, Brian. Come on in.”

Brian laid the two versions of the flyers on Craig’s desk and looked around the office. There was no sign of Justin. “I think they both look good, but it’s your choice,” Brian said.

“You’re right, it is,” Craig said curtly.

Brian frowned. He wasn’t sure what Craig’s tone of voice meant. “Shouldn’t Justin be here to look at these? It was his input that led to the idea of the purple type.”

“No. Justin should not be here. He no longer works at this office.”

“Oh, did he move to one of your other stores?”

“No, he is out of Taylor Electronics completely.”

“Oh?” Brian said in surprise. He didn’t know what to say to that, but it did make him wonder if that had anything to do with why Justin didn’t show up for dinner. This must have just happened.

“I want the black print,” Craig said definitively. He ignored Brian’s exclamation. “Print them in black.”

“Certainly,” Brian said standing up. He wanted to ask for Justin’s phone number so he could get in touch with the blond, but Craig Taylor didn’t seem to want to talk about his son. He seemed in rather a bad mood. “I’ll get these printed and sent to you,” Brian said, gathering up the two ads. He left the office without saying anything further.