Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 17





“Hey, Sunshine,” Debbie called as Justin showed up for work.

Justin had checked out of the motel. He had all his belongings in the suitcase that he dragged behind him. It was the suitcase he had taken from his former home when his mother had let him pick up his belongings.

“You can store those in the back and then come home with me when we’re done work. I scheduled us both to be done at nine.”

“Thanks, Debbie. I’ll be right back.” Justin took his bags to the back and grabbed his apron. When he came out, Debbie was pouring coffee for someone at the counter. He recognized Mikey, Brian’s pesky friend.

“Justin, I’d like to introduce you to someone,” Debbie said.

“Yes?”

“This is my son, Michael,” she said proudly.

“You … you’re her son?”

“Yes,” Michael replied smugly. “What are you doing here?”

“Justin works here and he’s going to be staying in your old room for a while. I’ve rented it out to him,” Debbie explained.

“Your room?” Justin asked in horror.

“My room?” Michael asked in horror.

“That’s what I said,” Debbie stated, her hand on her hip. “Deal with it, both of you.” She hustled over to one of the tables to fill their coffee cups.

“I don’t want you in my room,” Michael said petulantly.

“I don’t care,” Justin shot back. “It’s my room now.”

Michael scowled and stood up to leave. “I’ll talk to you later, Ma,” he told Debbie as she bustled by.

“Okay, sweetheart.”

Justin made a face at Michael, as Michael made one back at him. Then Michael left the diner obviously in a huff.

The day passed uneventfully for Justin. There were lots of pinches and phone numbers and suggestive innuendoes, but Justin quickly learned the smart remarks that would make the customers laugh, put them in their place and cause them to be generous with their tips. He could hardly believe how much he had made in tips by the time Debbie was ready to leave for the day.

They walked along the street with Justin dragging his suitcase behind him. He was kind of quiet as he thought about the prospects of moving into Debbie’s home. He would have loved a place of his own … finally. But that didn’t seem to be in the cards in the foreseeable future.

“I take the bus sometimes,” Debbie was saying as he tuned back in, “but it’s not really very far. Just a couple more blocks.”

“I don’t mind the walk,” Justin replied.

“It’s good for our girlish figures.”

Justin chuckled. It was kind of neat to be around someone who accepted his sexuality so easily. He figured that must be because Michael was gay.

“What are you thinking about?” Debbie asked when she noticed that Justin seemed far away once again.

“I was just thinking how nice it is to not have to hide that I’m gay. You accept it so easily. My parents…”

“Not too thrilled with you?”

Justin shook his head. “My father says he no longer has a son, and my mother, well, she almost wasn’t going to let me back in the house to get my things.”

“But she did.”

“Yes, she did,” Justin sighed. “I just wish…”

“That they’d accept you and allow you to be part of the family again,” Debbie supplied.

“No, I’m through with them since they’re through with me,” Justin declared.

“No, you’re not. It’s not that easy to push our parents out of our lives. You’ll always want them to accept you, Justin. It’s human nature.”

“How come you’re so … loving with Michael. What did you do when he told you?”

Debbie chuckled. “He always says I told him he was gay. He said I knew it before he did.”

“How could that be?”

“Michael’s father is gay,” Debbie whispered, “but nobody knows much about that. My brother, Vic, was gay too. I knew about Michael … somehow. Maybe it just runs in the family.”

“Nobody in my family’s gay,” Justin said. “Maybe that’s why they can’t accept it that I am.”

“Oh, I bet there are some gay people in your family,” Debbie told him. “There are a lot more gays around than we’re aware of. Not all of them are brave enough to come out. And if they do, they’re often ostracized by their families. Nobody in the next generation knows they even existed.”

“Like me you mean,” Justin said sadly. He could see never being included in anything to do with his family for the rest of his life. Molly’s children, if she had any, would probably never know who he was. Justin refused to think about such things. Do you think I could have a gay uncle or cousin hiding somewhere?” Justin asked with a grin, deciding that he wanted to discuss something happier.

“It wouldn’t surprise me.”

“I doubt it,” Justin chuckled, “as much as I might like that possibility.”

Debbie raised an eyebrow. “It’s very possible,” she repeated. “And here we are.” She pointed to the house in front of them.

Justin looked up at the older house with the verandah and the bright red door. “Nice door,” he said.

“Emmett just painted it for me.”

“Emmett? The guy who used to work at Torso?”

“The very same. He lives here. Rents Vic’s old room.”

“Hey, Deb,” Emmett said as he came out the front door. “I’m off to Woody’s. Oh, what do we have here? Justin, is that you?”

“One and the same,” Justin laughed. “I’m moving in.”

“Well, fuck me!” Emmett exclaimed. “Welcome to Chez Debbie.”

“Thanks.”

“Want to come to Woody’s with me?” Emmett offered.

“Thanks, but not tonight. I need to get settled in here.”

“Sure, I’ll see you later.” Emmett sashayed off down the street.

“How do you know Emmett?’ Debbie asked as they entered the house.

“I’ve seen him at Torso and at Babylon,” Justin said deciding not to get into any more of an explanation than that.

“Hm,” Debbie said giving Justin a strange look. “Top of the stairs, first door on the right,” she added and Justin started up the stairs thankful that the woman didn’t question him any further.

Justin looked around the room. It was butt ugly. He walked over to the wallpaper for a better look. Who had stupid wallpaper like this? Mikey, that’s who! Justin chuckled to himself. And the curtains! He couldn’t believe it. But wallpaper aside, the room was warm and dry and clean. That was really all he needed. He could live here for now until he figured out what he was going to do for the rest of his life, or maybe just for tomorrow.

He sat down on the end of the bed and stared at the wallpaper. He knew he should unpack his clothes and set out some of his things, but he didn’t have the energy to do any of that. He suddenly felt very tired. He saw his suitcase sitting by the door where he had left it. He should go get it, but he couldn’t. He lay back on the bed and pulled the bedspread around himself. It wasn’t cold. In fact it was very warm outside, but he felt so cold inside. Closing his eyes, Justin let his mind wander to what a mess his life had become. He wanted to cry, but he was an adult now, and he was all alone. He would not cry.

That’s how Debbie found him some time later when she came up to bring him a set of towels. He was asleep wrapped in the bedspread. She looked at him sympathetically and then closed the door behind her. Better to let him sleep.



*****



Justin awoke with a start. He looked around the room trying to figure out where he was. The ugly wallpaper reminded him that he was at Debbie’s. He threw back the bedspread and noted that he still had all his clothes on. With a frown he got up, feeling the call of nature. He glanced at his watch noting that it was only a little after six in the morning. He had slept for over eight hours. He hadn’t realized that he was so tired.

He tentatively opened the door of his room. Nobody seemed to be around. He could see an open door down the hall and surmised that it must be the bathroom. He made his way there and relieved himself. He debated if he should get in the shower, but he didn’t want to wake everybody up.

He walked back to his room and sat on the edge of the bed. He grabbed his cell phone and remembered that he had shut it off at work. He had never turned it back on. He did so now and noted that he had two missed calls. He played the messages and heard Brian Kinney’s voice speaking.

“Hey, Justin, I wanted to tell you that I think I’ve captured the Liberty Air account thanks to your insightful comments about the boards you saw. I’d like to take you out for dinner to celebrate. Call me.”

Justin smiled to himself. Brian was happy and he wanted to share that with him. What could be better? The second message came on.

“Brian Kinney again. I thought you might join me at Babylon, but I guess you’re busy. Give me a call.”

Brian called twice, Justin thought to himself. He couldn’t stop the smile that curled the corners of his mouth.

Just then there was a tap on the door. It was Debbie.

“Morning, Sunshine,” she said cheerfully. “Just wanted to tell you to use the shower whenever you like. I left some towels here for you last night,” she added, pointing to the chair near the door. “You fell asleep before I got them to you.”

“Yeah, I guess I was exhausted. Being a waiter is hard work.”

Debbie smiled. “Tell me about it.”

“We’re scheduled to work at ten this morning, so come down for breakfast whenever you’re ready.”

“I will, and thanks again, Deb.”

Justin sat on the bed for a minute after Debbie left. He thought about where his life was at the moment. Maybe it wasn’t so bad for now. He could make this work, he decided. Feeling much better he headed for the shower.

He and Debbie had a nice breakfast. He began to realize he would never go hungry living in a house with Debbie. They talked about the diner and Justin’s hours. Justin asked her to schedule some time when he could be off during the day so that he could explore some possibilities of working in the art field. She said she would do that.

Justin asked about Emmett who had yet to make an appearance.

Debbie told him, “Emmett was out at Babylon till all hours. He’s self-employed with his party planning business, so he doesn’t get up until he feels like it.”

“Must be nice,” Justin chuckled. He would have liked to talk to Emmett and see if he was with Brian at Babylon. He wondered if Brian had mentioned him to his friends.

Before they left for work, Justin called Brian’s cell. He was surprised that Brian answered immediately. He had expected to get voicemail.

“Hey, I was all prepared to leave you a message,” Justin laughed.

“I’m listening.”

“I … got your two messages from yesterday.”

“Took you long enough.”

“I was working, and I fell asleep as soon as I got home.”

“Oh, I trust your beauty sleep was rejuvenating.”

Justin giggled. “Very.”

“So what did you think?”

“About what?”

“About having dinner with me to celebrate. If we went to dinner Friday, I should have the signed contracts in my hand.”

“Wow, that’s great. I think I could manage Friday night.” Justin realized he’d have to get Debbie to book him off work for that night.

“Good, I’ll pick you up at seven. What’s the address?”

“Um … I could meet you at the restaurant,” Justin suggested.

“I don’t think so! I fell for that once.” Justin giggled even though he knew Brian had not been pleased. “I remember only too well what happened the last time I agreed to that.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot.”

“Well, I haven’t.”

“Okay, I’m at 429 Hurley Avenue.”

“Pardon?”

Justin repeated the address. “Did you get it that time?” Justin asked assuming that Brian was writing it down.

“Is that your usual address?” Brian asked.

“Um … no, I just moved in here.”

“You did?” Brian asked.

Justin could hear a strange quality in Brian’s voice. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Brian said abruptly. “I’ll be there at seven and you better be ready.”

“Fine, I will be,” Justin said a little bewildered by the change in Brian’s tone.

“Good.” The line went dead.

“Charming,” Justin muttered. Who the hell did Brian Kinney think he was? Maybe he would not go on this date, Justin thought. Maybe he should be somewhere else on Friday night. Maybe he should forget all about Brian. And just who the fuck did he think he was kidding? Justin realized he had been trying to forget Brian for over four years. Maybe it was time to confront his fate with Brian once and for all. Yes, that is exactly what he would do. He would have his date, and if Brian wanted to fuck him, he would let him. And then he would know once and for all if Brian fucking Kinney was worth all the time he had spent thinking about him for so long.



*****



Friday evening rolled around and Justin was ready for his date. However, he didn’t want to seem too eager. He dressed in his best suit assuming that he would be going to a nice restaurant with Brian. Maybe they would try Pappagano’s again. A little smile creased the corners of Justin’s mouth as he thought about what he had planned for Mr. Brian Kinney … and himself for later in the evening. He was beginning to enjoy the idea of a night with Mr. Brian Kinney.

When it was almost seven, he made his way down the stairs of Debbie’s house. Debbie and Emmett were sitting on the sofa in the living room. Justin had carefully avoided telling either of them about this date, since Brian knew them both. He wondered if he could get out the door when Brian arrived, before they discovered who his date was. He doubted that, however, since he had never met two nosier people.

“My, my, my,” Emmett cooed, “someone looks positively scrumptious.”

Justin felt his cheeks redden and he mumbled, “Thanks.”

“So who is this fucking date of yours?” Debbie demanded.

“You have a date?” Emmett squealed. “Who is it? Spill.”

“I’d rather not say until I see how it goes,” Justin said quickly.

“We won’t tell anybody,” Emmett coaxed.

Just then there was a knock on the door.

“Bye,” Justin said, “gotta go.” He yanked the door open and was prepared to dash out, but Brian blocked his way.

“You’re prompt,” Brian snarked, but the grin on his face said that he was happy to see Justin.

“Brian!” Emmett cried as he leaned over the back of the sofa to see Justin’s date.

Debbie was right beside him. “Brian Kinney! What the fuck are you playing at?”

Justin cringed and wished that a hole would suddenly appear and swallow both him and his date.