Almost But Not Quite

Chapter 2





"Brian, you're going to be a dad," Michael babbled as the Jeep careened through the streets of Pittsburgh. "Do you fucking believe it? You're going to be a father. I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl. Can you believe it?" Michael looked over at Brian from whom he got no response. "Brian? Brian! Brian!!!"

"Huh?" Brian said as he stared straight ahead.

"Aren't you excited? It's finally happening. You're going to be a father. Maybe it's already happened. Can you believe it?"

"No, I can't fucking believe it. I … Fuck! I'm going to have a baby. How the fuck did that happen? Why didn't somebody stop me," Brian said with a frown. All he could think about, all he wanted to think about, was a pair of blue eyes staring back at him from under that lamppost and a slim, warm body that could have been so … interesting. And now instead, Lindsay was in the process of having his child.

"Hello! I did try to stop you,” Michael informed him, “but Lindsay fed you that line of crap, and nine months later, you're going to be a daddy."

"Fuck!" Brian repeated as he guided the Jeep through the streets towards the hospital. He'd much rather be in his bed at the loft with that kid with the blue eyes. He could only begin to imagine all the things he could have taught that kid. He was hard just thinking about it.



*****



Justin watched the taillights of the Jeep disappear from view. He felt like something important had failed to happen. When that man had walked across the street towards him, he had known instinctively that he was the one. The one that he had come to Liberty Avenue to find.

He was sure that guy had been who he was supposed to go with tonight. But the opportunity had been missed. If only that short, dark haired guy had kept his mouth shut. He wasn't sure what the guy had been calling out to … Brian, yeah, Brian! That was the name he had used. His handsome man was named Brian. Justin wasn't sure what had been the problem, but it had been something about someone having a baby. Whatever it was, it had made Brian hurry away.

If only….

Justin shook his head and pushed himself off the lamppost. There was no point in wishing for what wasn't going to be. The opportunity had been lost. Everything he had hoped for and dreamed about wasn't going to happen. So what the fuck should he do now?

Justin debated trying to find another man, someone else to be his first. But since he had seen Brian, he didn't think anyone else could quite fill that bill. It was Brian that he wanted, Brian that he was supposed to be with.

He began to walk towards the corner of the street. People walked by ignoring him, lost in their own thoughts or their conversations with each other. A few guys gave him some approving looks, but they weren't Brian. In his mind Justin could clearly see those hazel eyes with flecks of gold, and that mouth that looked so tempting, and the body that was all long and lean and absolutely perfect. Brian was the one, the only one, for him. But Brian had gone away to something more important. Justin had been left to fend for himself on Liberty Avenue.

With a final glance at the people of the street, Justin turned the corner and sat down on the bench at the bus stop. He shivered a little, more from disappointment than from the cold. He hoped a bus came soon. He didn't think he could stand to be anywhere near Liberty Avenue much longer.



*****



Brian pulled the Jeep into the hospital parking lot. Michael had been blathering at him the whole way there, about how Brian's life was going to change, about all the things he would have to do now that he was a father, about the fucking future.

"Mikey, shut the fuck up!"

"Hey," Michael said indignantly.

"Come on, let's go find the lesbian birthing lair," Brian said sarcastically.

Michael giggled and followed Brian into the hospital.



*****



"Hello?"

"Daph, it's me."

"Justin, are you all right? Where are you? Did something bad happen? I've been so worried."

"Jesus, Daph, I'm okay."

"Oh, thank God."

"I … can I come spend the night at your place?" Justin asked uncertainly.

"Sure, yes, of course. Justin, what happened?"

"Nothing happened. That's the problem," Justin sighed.

"Nothing? You mean you didn't find any…"

"No, I didn't find anyone. I'm still a fucking virgin."

"I … I guess I'm sorry. I know you wanted…"

"Could we save this discussion until I get to your place?"

"Sure, um, do you need me to come get you?" Daphne asked.

Justin smiled. He could always count on Daphne. "Do you think it's smart to steal your parents' car twice in one night?"

"Asshole!" Daphne reacted.

Justin chuckled in spite of how miserable he felt. "There's a bus coming. I see it down the street."

"I'll be waiting for you. I'll let you in when you get here."

"Okay, and thanks, Daph."

"See you soon."

Justin closed his cell phone. He stood up and waited for the bus to come to a stop.



*****



Brian burst into Lindsay's room, closely followed by Michael. He looked around the room seeing the band of lesbians who had arrived to lend moral support to Lindsay and her husband, Melanie. He looked towards the bed and saw Lindsay looking tired but happy, holding a wriggling bundle in her arms.

"Oh, my God," Brian blurted out.

Lindsay smiled. "Say hello to your son."

Brian stood transfixed at the sight. He had a son. His child was now a reality. He felt something well up inside him, and he didn't know what to say or do.

Michael gestured for Brian to go into the room. "Go on," he said gently.

"When did it start?" Brian asked as he neared the bed and peered down at the tiny baby.

"Around seven," Melanie snarked, her voice dripping with disapproval of all things Brian. Brian gave her a glance for the first time since he'd entered the room.

"Six hours later, there he was," Lindsay said with a little chuckle and a big smile for her newborn son.

"I wish I could have been here," Brian said. Then he realized how lesbianic that sounded. "How often do I get to see snatch?" he added to cover himself. He didn't want the assembled lesbians to think he was all soft and mushy about the birth of his son. The lesbians all made suitably disapproving noises about his comment. Brian leaned over the bed closer to Lindsay, and stared at his son. He couldn't believe that this little creature was really a part of him. The birth of his son was a wonder that he never thought he would experience.

"Looks just like you," Lindsay said all soft and sentimental.

"I guess he must be mine then," Brian replied entranced by the little guy who wriggled around in his mother's arms.

"Want to hold him?"

Brian reached over and slid his hands under the baby's back and head. He couldn't believe how little and how light the small bundle was.

"Careful, don't drop him!" Melanie ordered reaching out to help, as if Brian would carelessly allow his son to fall out of his hands or would intentionally hurt him.

"That's just what I was planning on doing," Brian replied sarcastically. He held the baby out in front of him so he could get a clear look at him. He felt wonder well up again. This was his son, his contribution to the continuation of the human race, maybe his chance for redemption as far as fatherhood was concerned.

Then reality reared its ugly head. Who was he kidding? This was Lindsay and Melanie's baby. They would make all the decisions about the baby’s life. Brian was merely the sperm donor. But for some reason, at that very moment, he almost felt like a father.

"We've been thinking about names," Lindsay said staring into Brian's eyes and giving him a little signal that she hoped he would pick up on. "Mel wants to call him Abraham after her grandfather, but I like Gus." She made a small movement with her finger indicating he should pick the last one.

"Hm," Brian mused. He wasn't sure he liked either of those names, but Gus was definitely the better of the two. "Gus is a nice manly name, I suppose. What do you think?" He turned to Michael.

Michael looked stunned at being asked. "I like either name," he stated, wanting to keep the peace. He wasn't going to fall into the trap of choosing one name over the other and then have to suffer the wrath of the mother whose name was not chosen. "You could call him Abraham Augustus," Michael suggested. "That way you get to have both names."

"I like that," Melanie agreed. "But he'll be called Abraham."

Lindsay looked pleadingly at Brian who refused to fight this battle. Whatever they called the baby, Gus or Abraham, he would be their son. He would be raised by lesbians. Brian would have no say. The fatherly feelings he was having at the moment would soon fade. He was sure of that. It was better to leave these things to the women.

"Abraham Augustus Markus-Peterson," Melanie stated.

Brian stared at the baby who took that moment to throw up his little arm. His tiny hand came into contact with Brian's cheek. Brian felt himself melt at the touch. He wanted to crush the baby against his chest, but he forced himself to refrain from doing that. He most definitely did not want a public display of emotion.

"Well, Abraham Augustus, welcome to the world," Brian said, his face a breath away from his son's. The baby kicked his feet and moved his arms. Brian could swear he was trying to talk to him, trying to tell him something important.

Michael chose that moment to snap a picture of the new father and son, and the spell between the two was broken.



*****



"Come on in," Daphne whispered, grabbing Justin's arm and pulling him into the house. "Be quiet." She took his hand and they ran silently up the stairs to Daphne's bedroom. Once inside Daphne closed the door as quietly as possible and turned the lock. "Spill! I want to hear everything," she stated.

Justin sighed and dropped down onto her bed. He hesitated before saying anything, but he couldn't resist the expectant smile on Daphne's face. He started his tale with walking along Liberty Avenue and all the amazing things he had seen. And once he started, it all came pouring out. The man who told him to go home to his mommy, all the weird people he saw and encountered, the new world that was out there, the world that he had thought he was about to join. He told her about standing against a lamppost and how this incredible man had walked right up to him and offered to change his life. He knew he was smiling as he stopped at that point. It had been the best moment of his whole life, a moment that had held the promise of so much more.

"So, if you met this guy, what happened?" Daphne wanted to know, when Justin failed to continue his story.

"He … he was with a group of friends, and this other guy called out to him. He … went with him," Justin said sadly.

"Was the other guy his boyfriend?"

Justin shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think so. He seemed real interested in me … for a minute anyway."

"Then what would make him leave you?" Daphne asked puzzled.

"His friend called out something about a baby being born."

"A baby? His baby? But, he was gay, wasn't he?"

"He sure seemed like he was gay."

"Then whose baby would it be that would make him rush to the hospital for the birth?"

"Who knows? Maybe his sister or something?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm so sorry it didn't turn out better, Justin."

"That makes two of us," Justin sighed. "I was sure Brian was the one."

"Brian, was that his name?"

Justin nodded. "That's what his friend called him."

"Well, maybe you could go back next weekend," Daphne suggested hopefully.

"Naw, I think tonight was my big chance … and somehow it all went wrong."

"I'm sorry," Daphne repeated. She sat down next to Justin on the bed and pulled him into a hug. After a minute she said, "You could always fuck me, and then we could stop being virgins together."

Justin snorted out a laugh. "That would truly be a night to remember."

"Hey, you don't need to make fun of me," Daphne said indignantly.

"I wasn't making fun of you. It … it's just not what I envisioned for tonight."

"I know, but the offer's still open."

"I'm really tired, Daph. Let's go to sleep."

"Okay," she agreed as they slid up the bed. Fully clothed they lay side by side until Daphne pulled Justin against her and held him tightly, keeping him safe from the hurts of the world outside her room. "I love you, Justin."

"I love you too," Justin sighed, as he closed his eyes.

Daphne curled up against her best friend. "I really meant that offer."

"I know."

Daphne closed her eyes and soon they were both asleep. Justin dreamed of the handsome man he had met on Liberty Avenue, the man who should have changed his life, the man with the face of God.