Brian:

I could only stare at this amazing man in front of me. This man whom I had wronged and hurt over and over again, but still cares about me. This man who I am in love with, and loves me back. No one has even defended me so strongly before, or believed in me so much. I have always been the unwanted one, the irresponsible one, the one to always blame and degrade. My own family doesn't even care, a third of what Sunshine here does! They only come to me for money or help and then talk behind my back about what an asshole I am. No one ever expected something from me... until Justin came into my life.

The little shit expected things from me, expected a lot from me. Not because he is greedy, but for he knew I could give him that. In less than a night he penetrated my walls and saw the real me... and still fell in love with this broken man! That scared the shit out of me. I wasn't prepared for him... might have never been if I speak honestly. So I did my best to push him away, make him hate me and leave. I thought that it was the best, I wouldn't ruin another life- as my friends always say I did with theirs- and I won't get attached to him and then have my heart broken when he leaves me for someone else... because everyone leaves at the end, nothing is forever. Then the bash... the prom happened and my doubts came true, if I had just kept my distance Sunshine wouldn't have almost died. 

When Ian came around I knew that this was my chance to get rid of Justin, by pushing him to someone who could really give him what he wanted- flowers, picnics, romance, dates, and was able to say 'I love you' back. So I acted as the asshole of before and then fucked Rage. I never thought it would hurt so much. What hurt the most wasn't that he left me for someone else, even if it meant my worst fears becoming true or that a piece of my soul left with Justin that night. What hurt the most is that I had lost him before that night. When he woke up from his coma, my Sunshine came back stronger than ever and each step he did forward in his recovery make me so proud I felt I could burst. However, I knew he wasn't the same- he had lost the ability to read me. The only person I could always rely on to be there for me and truly know me and what I needed in my times of need was gone... and it hurt. It hurt knowing that my little shit that was into me was gone.

I know that I shouldn't have freaked out and blame it on him, taking all my anger and frustration in him. But I couldn't stop myself, I was loosing the only thing that truly mine and made me so damn happy. I had already given up my rights to Gus by then, and I felt myself crumbling down. His nightmares didn't make it easier either, being reminded every night by his screams that I had almost lost the second best thing that had ever happened to me-Gus is the first- was he maddening. So I made sure he never spoke of it, that he swallowed all his pain and suffered on his own because I had to be strong for him, he needed me to be strong for him... and I couldn't do that if I were breaking down with him every night at the memory of his pale, bloody stained, unmoving body on the ground of that parking garage.

When I discovered my cancer I kicked him out, afraid again of being abandoned because I wasn't perfect... I wasn't God Brian Fucking Kinney anymore. He wouldn't love me anymore. Which was all bullshit for me to hide my fears and insecurities behind an uncaring, cold façade, because Justin was the only person who has never loved me for being perfect. If anything he loves me for being imperfect, for being human. He never asks for anything, or blames me for stuff- even when I was to blame-, or tries to impose this idea he has of me on my persona. He treats me as an equal and expects me to treat him as such myself, he doesn't let me get away with my bullshit and pushes me to be the best man that I can be. Not because he demands it, but because he inspires me to be better. He lets me decide my own life choices, and when things get hard he stays with me and helps me get through them. I had never felt safe as I do when I am with him, because I know that he will always have my back and that he'll always love me unconditionally.

Looking at him right now, after we got engaged and he defended me so fiercely, I could only think of one thing: I want to marry this man right now. I want to make sure that I'll have another thing in my power to make sure he can't leave me so easily again. But then I recall his words and know that he is right, we can't rush into things again. It never ends right. I need to make sure I can promise him forever and that he'll be the only one, or I will truly loose him then. No matter how much he loves me, he would never forgive me for hurting him like that. Peter Pan has to leave the Isle of Neverland and Wendy and his lost boy behind to fight Hook on their own, I needed to grow up... and surprise, surprise that decision isn't as scary as I thought it will be. Not when I have Sunshine by my side, then I know that everything will be all right because we will face any adversity together.

But first I need to calm Justin down and assure him that there will be no more pushing. I clenched my fists angrily at the proof that he, like everyone else, expects the worst from me in this kind of situations. However, I calm myself down because I have to accept that I hadn't giving him any reason to believe otherwise. Another thing that I have to change... and fast.

"I'll have to call my lawyer and see if she can arrange a meeting for tomorrow. Also, I'll see if she can have the papers ready for the living wills, powers of attorney, life insurance, health insurance and a domestic partnership agreement" I tell him. He stopped fidgeting to look at me shocked "We will have to work the rest of the day putting together a file with everything you just said we could use to win the case, so we will have something to show Laura when we meet her".

"We?" he asked, with an adorable confused pout.

"Of course, we" I replied with a smirk "After all, we are partners and we'll be as married as we can be under the actual law. The only thing that we'll have left to do is join our bank accounts, I know you Justin so I am sure that will take a bit more of convincing until you accept to join them. I've already put this state under both of our names and as for Kinnetik, I've made sure that you own fifty percent of the company, and if anything ever happens to me my half of the company goes to you. If I am fighting for my right back, then you'll get guardianship over Gus as well. He is as much of a son to you as he is mi..." I never got to finish what I was saying because I found myself with an armful of blond bombshell and my mouth being attacked with the sweetest lips I've ever had the pleasure of tasting.

"You-are-amazing!" my Sunshine told me between kisses. We stood there, in the middle of the room, in each other's arms, panting breathlessly as we got lost in each other's eyes...

Wow, I am truly turning into a lesbian. I need to have my dick deep inside his tight ass to assure myself that I am not growing a twat. I thought a bit perturbed, but happy at the same time. And that's what we did, we had se... we made love a couple more of times before starting to work. I need to find out why he got himself involved in law, and especially how he is paying his college fee. I know that he would never lie to me, but it wouldn't be the first time he got into some kind of trouble to get money... I think I'll never be able to stop worrying about him. My Sunshine is everything to me and if anything would happen to him... I already almost lost him twice, I can't go through that again. 

Also, knowing that I didn't know what was going on with his life hurt me. But I was also ashamed of myself, I was so immersed in that stupid bet against Brandon that I didn't pay enough attention to what was going on in Justin's life. That got me idea... but that's for later. Working side by side with Sunshine calmed me down and helped me stop thinking about my guilt. It never ceased to amaze me how much in tune we are with each other. Guessing what each other wanted with only a few words, knowing what the other was going to do next with only a look, and being there for each other emotionally without even a single word or look... we just knew.

Before we knew it the day has turned into night, and night into day. At the moment I was parking the vette in front of Laura's firm: Triskele. I met Laura in college, she was studying pre-law to follow her mother's footsteps and one day inherit the family's law firm. That day being a few months back, I've never seen her so full of joy which made me happy for her. Much to Lindsay's dislike she was the one that I truly considered my best friend. Lindsay has always been the older sister I always wanted in Claire.

"Calm down" I tried to get Justin to relax, he has been a nervous wreck when I mention where we were going this morning. He truly was into law and meeting the famous Laura Lune was a pressure he wasn't ready to face all of the sudden "She'll love you".

"You want me to calm down!" he hissed "You just dropped a bomb on me an hour ago, telling me that Laura Lune is not only going to work with us but also is your best female friend! Are you insane! How could you convince me into making a file against Melanie and Lindsay? She surely will be disappointed and maybe embarrassed if you are going out with me... I am just  first year student of pre-law you can't expect me to do something worth her admiration!".

"Ok, that's enough!" I growled angrily, making him shut up and look at me surprised. I've never used that tone on him, but I could not continue listening, talking bad about himself "You are amazing, she'll love you and surely offer you a job at the end of the meeting, and you already have an incredible handling of law for being just your first year. Now we'll go inside the firm and have the meeting with Laura, then we'll go shopping for furniture for Britin. Ok?" I smiled when he nodded, and finally got out of the car. He followed me out and let me wrap my arms around him "Everything will be all right Sunshine, we are together after all" I whispered in his ear and enjoyed immensely how he melted against me.

Yeah, everything will be all right. I thought happily as I guided Justin inside the firm and prepared myself for a long day.