Mel:

I don’t know what I am doing here. Well, I know that I should have been sentenced to prison for a year, for being an aid in kidnapping my so… Gus. Just a year because I wasn’t deceived by my ‘partner’, believing that I had every right to take Gussie with me. However, the fact that Kinney came to my house told me that he had every right to stop me and gave me the papers- which I thought were bullshit and didn’t even read them, before throwing them away- that put me in a precarious situation. Luckily, I only got one year of the sentence. However, for a strange reason Kinney’s lawyer gave me a deal… one so good that I couldn’t say no to.

They would not take me to court for my ‘felony’, her words not mine, as long as respected the fact that I should respect the restriction order to any property belonging to the Taylor-Kinney couple. That any visit I should have with Gus should be first approved by the Taylor-Kinney couple, and accepted by Gussie- who is still afraid of me- and must happen in a public space, with someone there to keep an eye on me. That I had to contact the therapist, until he or she deemed me well enough to let go. Also, I had to attend every session of the court cases against Lindsay and Michael.

That last request confused the heck out of me. I still don’t know why I was here, as I sat in court, waiting for it to begin. But didn’t dwell on it much, I preferred accepting the deal over going to prison. I had a daughter to think of, and a son to gain over. It broke my heart the whole situation with Gussie, but I knew that Justin was right… even if I would never say it out loud. I still remember his visit, while I was in custody:

“Justin?!” I exclaimed in surprise, happy to see a friendly face in such a horrible situation.

“Melanie” the lack of nickname and usual warmth in his voice, caught me by surprise. I knew then that whatever he had to say, was very serious and important “Are you happy now? Look at where you landed”

“This is all that asshole’s fault!” I snapped at him, not liking that he was faulting all this on me.

“What the hell are you talking about?!” He snapped back at me, stunning me- he never used such a tone with me “You are the one that trusted the wrong person, you are the one that took your anger on your son, you are the one that preferred your daughter over Gus, who doesn’t have any blood relation to you, you are the one that caused him emotional distress, you are the one who didn’t listen to Brian and fell into Lindsay’s trap- which made Social Services to take Gus away from you both forever. You are the one who never acted like an adult and blamed everything on Brian or men in general! Brian is not to blame for your failure or that Lindsay never ever loved you. Your misery is what you harvested! Brian never tried to take Gus away, you pushed the one you claimed to be your son away by preferring the one that’s blood related to you. You were the one who tried to take Gussie away from his friends, family, country… from everything he loves and knows! Have you ever thought how this would affect him? No! You just thought of yourself, what you wanted. You acted out of fear and anger, that’s not how mothers should behave Melanie. Your children always come first, but you didn’t even think of your favorite child. You were about to leave your children fatherless, JR would have been raised without a father there for her!”

“I have no favorite!” I objected, finally over with taking shit from anyone who is called Kinney.

“Tell that to your actions! To Gus! Who told us about how you would yell at him whenever you get angry at that bitch or at Brian, calling him Lindsay’s son and not yours. The one who cried himself to sleep, after you called him ‘an overreacting, queen like his father’. The one who had to listen every night how you sang and told YOUR daughter that you loved her and she was such a ‘good, sweet girl’. When everything he ever did was want you to love him like he was your son, to just listen what a ‘good, sweet boy’ he was. But he never got that… because he never was your favorite. Because he reminded you so much of Brian, of how Lindsay preferred him over you even to have a child with” his words were like knives to the heart, hurtful as the truth always is “You need help Melanie, because I know that you are a good person. An incredible lawyer, mother and big sister. But you’ve been so entangled in Lindsay’s manipulation for so long that you’ve lost sight of who you are. Brian has been never to fault, Lindsay wanted you both to fight- she thrived in it. Your hate and insecurities are dangerous, not only to others, but to yourself. Stop before you end up in a path of self destruction”

With that said, he left. Leaving me behind gaping at the tongue lashing Justin just served me. At first, I was furious at being disrespected like that. But then, I recalled Gus’ fear of his own MOTHER and began to think what he had told me. I started to see that what he had told me was true… that all along I was wrong.

So, I didn’t dwell much on the ‘why’ and ‘what’ of my situation. I was just grateful for the second chance I was given, with my son and daughter. I still hated the asshole and was very hurt at what Lindsay did, expecting it all not to be true and find something so I could fault it on Kinney. But bite my tongue, not wanting to be thrown in jail, and talked to my therapist about it.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when the judge was presented, and waited for the fight to begin- hoping that I might finally get some truths.