Membership status: Member
Bio:
Post 5-13. Brian ends all contact with Justin from one day to the other and Justin has no idea why. After five years in New York he returns to Pittsburgh and goes looking for answers that are long overdue. His whole life will be changed forever when he finally gets the answers he has been looking for.
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Blake Wyzecki, Brian Kinney, Carl Horvath, Cynthia, Daphne Chanders, Debbie Novotny, Emmett Honeycutt, Gus Marcus-Peterson, Jennifer Taylor, Justin Taylor, Lindsay Peterson, Melanie Marcus, Michael Novotny, Ted Schmidt
Tags: 100k+ Word Count, Anti-Lindsay, Anti-Melanie, Anti-Michael, MPreg (Yup! Went THERE!), Post-series, Real Life Issues
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst w/ Happy Ending, Drama
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: Back for Good Universe
Chapters: 34 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 110685 Read Count: 115069
Date: Sep 27, 2018 Title: Chapter 32: Chapter 32
Hi again! After reading this chapter for the first time today in the mornig, I thought "perfect". I was really blown away. I must admit, Chapter 31 didn't evoke the feelings that I usually feel when reading your story. But maybe, I just wasn't in the mood. But this chapter... Wow! While reading, I feel their desire, their love, their happiness, their joy... It's all there thanks to your amazing writing-style! I thought, I couldn't say much more about it, but the devil's in the detail... :-)
“I didn't nearly kill myself to give you romance all night only to end the night with a quick fuck in the hallway.” - I just love this sentence. It suits Brian so well, and it makes me laugh and at the same time so glad, that he behaves this way! Next thing I really love is, that you let them talk so much inbetween. And in my opinion, it's great, that they also talk about the pregnancy and how Brian gave birth to Luke. Justin wanted to hear this and that shows that he's really forgiven Brian. And I also love how Brian explained to Justin that he was so happy to be pregnant because it was them who created a new life together. You let him say this a few times. I think it's important for Justin to hear it. The way you let Brian talk about this, shows Justin that not only did Brian love Luke from the beginning, but that he never stopped loving Justin. I think you are making this more than clear here. Next thing, I just love, is, that Brian isn't prepared as in older times. No lube and condoms in the bedside table? :-) I know, we've written about this before and I'm aware that Brian hasn't lived in celibacy for the last five years, but it does show that he probably, or at least in Britin, probably didn't had so many or no nightly visitors. And even if I'm wrong here with my over-analysis, I think it's great that it also shows that he may have hopes that night but no expectations. Last thing I also really love, is this "bottom-discussion". I like those stories in which Justin and also Brian bottom only for each other. So, with Brian, it was never the question, I think, but in the show Justin bottomed for other guys (Connor James or this foursome they had - I hate it by the way, didn't get the impression Justin was really into it). So yeah, I really love the way you portray Justin here. And finally, I love that Brian is finally able to voice his feelings, that he's not afraid to say "i love you" anymore. Thheir scene here reminds me so much of their last scene in S5. So, thanks, the circle has finally closed! You see, I'm so in love wtih this chapter! And I hope they fall asleep together and are awakened by their boys! :-) Thanks for this amazing chapter and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Oh wow, thanks for your comment :)
I am glad you enjoyed this chapter so much! I was hoping people would like it and wouldn't think it was too cheesy or too much.
Justin wanted to hear about the pregnancy and he needed to hear about it. He knows that they can only really move on if they talk about it honestly. If they can't talk about what happened, that will always be between them and will always cause problems. Hopefully Brian can see that too and can learn to move on as well :)
Yes, it was always very important to Brian that he and Justin created Luke. That Luke was the perfect mixture of them both and that with Luke he would always have a piece of Justin with him, no matter what. Brian has always loved Justin, he might not have acted like it with what he has done, but deep down he has always loved Justin and Justin has always been the one for him. It's important that Justin knows that Brian has never stopped loving him and the son they have together.
Brian definitely had hopes, especially after their session with the therapist, but as he mentioned in the last chapter: He was ready to let Justin set the pace. He was ready give Justin all the time in the world he needed which also shows how much Brian loves Justin. If he didn't love him, he wouldn't care so much that Justin loved him as well and they got back together one day.
To be honest, I have always hated that Justin bottomed in that foursome and with Connor James. He never seemed to be the guy that was much into tricking. He mostly seemed to do it because Brian did it and when Brian wasn't around, but seriously: If you have Brian Kinney to fuck you on a regular basis and we've all heard what a great fuck he is, why would you let someone else fuck you as well? Never made much sense to me :/
More will be up soon and we'll see if you're right once again with your assumption of what might happen :P
Date: Sep 24, 2018 Title: Chapter 31: Chapter 31
Hi again! Oh my Goodness, how cute is he! "You look beautiful, Papa" - I want to cuddle Luke!
And again, oh my goodness. For once, I agree with Debbie, Brian is really not able to do things without the grand gesture. I haven't expected their date like this. First, I thought, isn't it a little bit too much, but honestly, I'm so happy for Justin. He just deserves to be treated and spoiled like that. I couldn't hardly bear how Brian treated Justin in the second half of Season 2 (the hustler, the picnic-scene, the scene where Brian couldn't bring himself to buy those flowers...). Then, I also wasn't quite sure how to feel about the loft... "a place in the city might come in handy every once in a while" - I asked myself for what? But maybe I'm over-analysing it... And then you let him say this "It's where everything started" - beautfiul! It's also good to see, that Brian finally dares and allows himself to do such "ridiculous romantic" things... chocolate, candles, flowers... What a great and amazing date! I'm so happy for them, for having a really good time together. You created a scene with openess, honesty, they seem to ba carefree. And I do not only love this "sunshine-talk" in the car, but also to see not only a matured Justin but as it seems also a matured Brian, who is patient and let Justin set the pace! And what a perfect ending... And I'm curious how Justin set the pace further! :-) Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Honestly, I want a son like Luke. I am soooo in love with this child that doesn't even exist *lol*
No, Brian Kinney can't do anything without the grand gesture. Not even a Valentine's Date. And yes, Justin deserved it and deserved to be treated like this by Brian.
We'll find out later what the place in the city might come in handy for ;)
Some might say it's out of character for Brian to be this romantic, but I'd like to think that after having been to therapy and after having given birth to Luke, he might have grown into a man that could show his feelings like Brian did in this chapter :)
That sunshine talk in the car was very important to me. We have seen Debbie go back to calling Justin Sunshine, but Brian hasn't once in the story so far and I am glad that Justin finally picked up on that and asked about it. And that he liked Brian calling him that name as well - I always thought it was cute :)
Apparently Brian has listened to Ted and is following his advice to be patient and to let Justin set the pace - good for Brian! It might actually get him what he wants in the end...
Aren't we all curious now how Justin will further set the pace? ;)
Thanks for your lovely comment! More will be up soon!
Date: Sep 20, 2018 Title: Chapter 30: Chapter 30
Hi again! I really don't know how all the other reviewers manage to answer always so fast... It must be the different time zone. :-)
So, first, thanks for your flattering answer to my last review! I really love our little "conversations" and I'm not only looking forward to a new chapter but also to your answers on my reviews. As we both agreed before, I think we have a similar viewing of this characters and how they should behave or how they could have behaved in the show. And, I said it before, I love your story (although it was so hard for me to accept what Brian has done), I love your writing-style, I love how you characterize them, how you picture them... And now I know, why you wrote, that sometimes you've got the feeling I would know your story... So, Brian asks Justin on a date... :-) That's what I've suggested... I'm so glad, Brian did this and I think it's a right step for those two. And it's such a beautiful and cute scene you've created here. Would have loved to see this on screen! And there are many beautiful or cute moments in this chapter, I really love it. First, this scene between Brian and Ted, where Brian doesn't want to ask for advice but gets it nevertheless in his so typical own way. Great! Then, this kitchen-scene, where Brian asks Justin if he would join him in therapy and Justin just answers "okay" - it reminds me so much of that second proposal at Britin. Awesome! They're so cute together!
So, therapy seems to go well so far. And yeah, it makes perfect sense that Justin participates partially in the therapy. While first reading this chapter in the morning, I thought maybe Brian being so insecure and scared was a little bit out of character, but after reading the chapter for a second time, thinking about it, it does make sense. I mean, he really opens up for the first time in front of somebody, letting his walls completly down, being totally unprotected and vulnerable. Something he's always tried to avoid. And it makes also sense that he's still unsecure about Justin's feelings. After everything what happened with the bitch and the pathetic idiot, his trust-issues has to be even bigger. And just a few months ago, when they were arguing about living together, Justin's told him, that they could only be friends and that Brian had made sure that they couldn't be a happy kind of family. And even if Justin has told Brian that he had forgiven him, he needs to hear more. So, in my opinion, it was a very beautiful scene and Justin handled this again in a very mature and sensitive way.
So, at the age of 39 Brian finally has a date! Ah, I forgot, it's his second date. Hopefully, he won't fuck the waiter... :-) No, seriously, I would imagine this dinner to be a bit akward or something like that in the beginning, but maybe I'm wrong. I hope, they have a good time and get to a point where they're comfortable with one another - a bit like in this last scene in chapter 29 - they seem to be so much at peace and content to be sitting there together in front of this drawing. Again, looking forward to Sunday! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Haha, I am sure it's the time zones ;) I usually post late in the evening European time and I think a lot of people on here are from the US, so for them it's still rather early.
I enjoy our conversations as well :) I love hearing what people think about the story, the characters and what I put them through and I enjoy having this interaction with readers :D
Yes, whenever you would mention a date, I was like: Has she read the story? How does she know that's exactly what will happen? *lol*
I have to admit that I love Brian when he gets awkward and insecure about relationship stuff. He can do it, he just never really had the positive support to really go through with it and I love when despite his insecurities he would try to do "couple" stuff with Justin. I absolutely adored how when Justin interned at Vanguard he asked him if he wanted to join him at this new restaurant he had heard so much about. Come on, Kinney. We all know you were trying to ask him out on a date there!
Yes, therapy is helping and it is essential that Justin is part of the process as he's a big part of Brian's inner turmoil. And especially with the prospect of a new relationship on the horizon, I felt it important that Justin got involved in the therapy as well.
I have to admit that I didn't think Brian was too out of character there. For the exact same reasons you mentioned: He finally opens up and allows someone else (Justin) to see him when he's vulnerable and what he himself probably deems as weak. That's a huge step for Brian and at the same time there's the guilt about what he has done to Justin that makes it so hard for him to grasp that Justin could really be in love with him still. Brian has come up with many reasons and excuses why Justin could want a reconciliation (as the therapist mentioned: You're not doing it for Gus' and Luke's sake?), but has never dared to hope that it might actually be because Justin is just in love with Brian. Deep down, Brian is just a scared and frightened man who is afraid of opening himself up because he has been burnt before and now here he has Justin and he knows that if they are to work as a couple, he needs to be that open. That's a scary thing. Especially for someone like Brian who has never allowed for his real feelings to show and has always hidden them behind his walls.
Just saying: Fucking the waiter won't be an option ;) I made sure of that! Brian better behave or I will be the first in line to kick his ass *lol*
We'll find out about their date and how it goes in the next one :)
Thank you so much for your amazing comment - I love reading them and I always enjoy replying to your thoughts :D
Date: Sep 17, 2018 Title: Chapter 29: Chapter 29
Hi again! First of all, I've have to say, I was afraid of a much more worse storm. You're not as evil as I thought... :-) But, we're dealing here with Justin and I've given it some thought, Justin's never been the loud angry type. I thought about it and every time, Justin's left Brian, it was in a very quiet way. The most loud and angry Justin I remember was in the scene with the chicken soup. Brian is damned lucky to be loved so much and in this way! And in one of my earlier reviews I've asked about Justin's feelings. Through your amazing writing-style, you'd made it very clear here and for all of us not so much to read but to feel how deep Justin's love for Brian still is!
At the beginning of this chapter I was a little bit afraid of Brian doing it again. Deciding once again what would be best for Justin by avoiding the talk, by lying, by deciding for himself that Justin wouldn't need his bullshit. Did he not hear what Emmett said? Emmett has also told him "Go and get your sunshine"! But it seems, his guilt just runs too deep. Regarding therapy, I know, you've already told me twice that Brian apparently didn't discussed Justin and his guilt with the therapist, but I'd asked myself, what he'd discussed at all. Did he doubt so much about himself and his ability to be a good father after this kidnapping and the betrayal by his so called "best friends"? If he never mentioned his childhood, the way he was physically and mentally abused and how this influenced his ability to have a relationship and to feeling of not being worth loving and also his fears, which have caused him to decide against a family with Justin, and now also his guilt when realising how he had not only hurt Justin, but also Luke, Gus and himself with his decision, then there's much work left for therapy and I'm curious what will be discovered. So far, Justin only knows that Brian wanted him to have the posibility for a career but he didn't know about Brian's (crazy) fears about Justin turning somehow into Jack, maybe someday hating the situation he founds himself trapped in by Brian and his son.
I really love the way you let them finally talk, and how Brian is able to let his walls down, opens up and even having a little breakdown in front of Justin. And I love Justin even more for the way he is able to comfort Brian. We've never seen something like this in the show, and in my opinion, it was overdue. In the show, every time Justin tried to talk with Brian about their relationsship, Brian's walls get up and he told Justin about no locks being there, that he has to decide on his own and so on. It was never about compromises or about findig solutions together or fighting against demons together. Now, finally, they start to talk something through. That's great and I'm so glad, that Justin told Brian, that he wants them to move on together and to become the family they were alway meant to be.
For me, it also feels like an important breaking point. And it's amazing how you let them talk later about the painting and how you describe them sitting there together. Althought this is just the beginning and therapy will be hard for both of them, for me, the atmosphere which you created in this last scene, is somehow calm, relaxed, peaceful and full of love and hope. In my opinion, you've done an amazing job with this chapter. Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Wow, what a comment! You are amazing, you know that? I love reading your comments and your views about this story and these characters!
I figured I had put Brian and Justin through enough already and that they deserved some lighter storm ;)
I agree with you - Justin is not the loud type and we have never really seen him loud and angry. Even with Ethan when they broke up, he was relatively calm compared to how other couples argue and break up.
Yes, Brian's guilt just runs too deep and as we have seen after the bashing, Brian is not good at dealing with guilt :( As for therapy: Yes, the therapist will have much to deal with. When Brian went to therapy first, it mostly dealt with the betrayal by his best friends and yes, it also touched on his childhood and why Brian had such problems opening up in relationships, but lets just assume that he never mentioned why Justin was not involved in raising Luke, so the therapist couldn't deal with that particular issue :/ Even in therapy Brian wouldn't really open up completely :(
This talk was long overdue and much needed and yes, it was also needed that they would start making decisions together and would start to talk things through. If they want a relationship between them to work, they need to talk. Communication is the key and that's something they're still learning and figuring out.
Yes, that's exactly what that last scene with the conversation was supposed to be: A beacon of hope that they can make it. That they have made a decision together and are now moving in the right direction. And it was also supposed to show how much they have both already changed from the last time they were in a relationship. Both have grown up and maybe, just maybe they're ready for a mature relationship now :)
Thanks for your amazing comment - more will be up soon :)
Date: Sep 13, 2018 Title: Chapter 28: Chapter 28
Hi again! Oh, you're so mean! We all expected this talk and now we've to wait until Sunday evening! I'm pouting... :-)
Now, this chapter... I really like this sensitive side of Justin. Wouldn't have made much sense if he would have dragged or forced Brian out of bed to have this talk in his state of being. And what would have been with Luke and Gus. It's better if they have this talk when the kids are in bed or if there's someone who take care of them. So, yeah, you once again showed how matured Justin is. Great, even if we have to wait an be patient but if Justin can be patient than I can be too. Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
This was just the calm before the storm - as Brian said, they will have to talk about this and the talk will happen. But even Justin wouldn't be evil enough to have a conversation like that with someone suffering from a hangover ;) And as you said: What would have been the point of having this talk in Brian's current state and in front of the children?
Justin has indeed matured and he knows that just because the talk might happen ten hours later, doesn't mean it's off the table.
More will be up soon!
Date: Sep 10, 2018 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27
Hi again! I didn't mean so much the tricking in itself, but rather the way Brian used it on one hand as a pain-management, but also often to hurt Justin or to put him in his place (Zucchini-man, Hotlanta, after Vermont) or even to take a decision from him (Rage party). I can't imagine Justin tolerating or enduring this for longer. And if I understood Brian right, he uses it here both as pain management and also to show Justin that he (Brian) isn't worth to be loved (and through that he tries again to decide something for Justin).
But it also seems that his pain management isn't working anymore - I mean, who would have thought that Brian would ever has a breakdown in front of Emmett? I'm really so curious about Justin's reaction. Great story!
Date: Sep 10, 2018 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27
Hi again! As I mentioned in my other review for "The Pittsburgh Years", I try to imagine how it could go on. Man, I was so wrong... I imagined a talk between Brian and Justin, but this would have been too easy wouldn't it...
Gosh, I thought Brian had already been in therapy... :-) This conversation with Debbie is wonderful and she tells him exactly the right things... That they still love each other... "Don't make him leave..." "You've got a chance here to get the family..." Don't mess it up...." And I didn't think he would behave like that after this conversation... He behaves just the opposite but maybe it was too much pressure at once... Ted also told him similar things. And yet he lets himself be consumed by his guilt and does it again. Again, he tries to push Justin off a cliff and tries to give him a chance to hate him. Because he thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved so much, he just hurts Justin... Man, Brian, I really thought he was already on his way, I really thought he was over his pain mangement... And I also thought he would've been over this "he deserves better". He's doing it again. Deciding by himself what would be best for Justin, trying to take his decision from him and hurt him so much that he has only one choice ... to turn away from Brian...
Actually, I always think there's no one who understands Brian like Justin. On the other hand, there've been many scenes in which Justin was also insecure about Brian's feelings and behavior. I'm very curious how he will behave here. Did he recognizes what's going on in Brian while he was waiting for Brian? And if so, how will he react? I would imagine that this more mature and responsible Justin won't easily accept this behavior, but then what will happen...
I think it's clear that Justin still loves Brian, but so far a relationship between them has never been a topic, so far it's all about friendship. Justin will surely have been hurt by Brian's behavior, but will he also have been hurt by knowing Brian still tricking? If this and a possible relationship should be an issue in a conversation, it would probably be a good time for both to admit that they may need help together from outside...
Fortunately, Emmett found Brian in this situation. Despite everything, he behaves like a real friend. The two pathetic idiots whose names I no longer want to name would only have incited and encouraged Brian in this situation and heightened his uncertainties.
I can't wait to read more! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I am glad I can still surprise you at times ;) There will be a conversation, this is definitely something they need to talk about, but I like to torture them both a bit first ;)
Brian had been in therapy, but as mentioned before: Your therapist can only help you on the things you discuss with them and I don't think Brian ever really brought up his guilt over what he did to Justin as he only starts to realise how guilty he really feels now that Justin is back - maybe it's time for some more therapy :/
It's sad to see Brian fall back into his old behaviours and to see him make the same mistakes over and over, but poor guy seems to have been damaged by Jack and Joanie more than he might have realised himself. And on top of that he now also has to face his guilt for having kept Luke a secret from Justin, which in his own eyes makes him only more unlovable to Justin. He just can't understand why after everything Justin would still love him... How he could still love him?
As for Justin - we'll see his reaction soon! We'll see if he understands what's going on with Brian or if he doesn't. I agree with you, I always thought that Justin understood Brian better than anyone else, but after everything that has happened between them, after all the pain and betrayal, the question is: Do they still have that bond?
As for the tricking: I honestly don't think that Justin would be upset about that. He would probably be upset about Brian going back to his old pain management techniques and succumbing to his own thoughts and insecurities like that, but I don't think that Justin is under any belief that Brian is not having any sex at all.
Yes, Justin wanted them to be committed and together in the past and he was very much against the tricking in season 4, but I don't think he will be upset about it now when they aren't even together. Then again, we'll see...
What's obvious is that they need to talk - this is something that can't just be ignored, so we can only hope that Justin will be able to make Brian talk.
I just love Emmett - what can I say? Even though he and Brian had their problems, he knows that Justin loves Brian and knows how important it is to Justin that Brian figures out his shit. He is a great friend to both of them really :)
More will be up soon :)
Date: Sep 06, 2018 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26
Answer to your answer :-) Yes, I've thought a lot about if you can compare these two situations... Like Michael and Lindsay, Brian had his own idea of the wishes and needs of another person. And like Michael and Lindsay, Brian has also taken the right to make a decision for this other person or to take that decision from this person. Luckily, in Michael's and Lindsay's case that went awry, but, sadly, it worked for Brian for over five years. Sadly, Brian has taken away five years from Justin to be with Luke. If the kidnapping had worked, Brian would have suffered through the same. Of course, the motives are different and of course you can credit Brian for making this decision out of love, but... Lindsay and Michael also loved Brian (or better, that's what they would call it) - albeit in a much pathological way. Or better, the question is, is that love? Maybe Brian would say "that's not love, that's hate". The difference may be that Brian's love is more of selflessness whereas Lindsay and Michael are just selfish. But for the one who experiences this loss and this betray by people you trusted and loved, the pain and the feeling is probably very similar. It's difficult and I think that's a topic that could be discussed for hours ...
Now this chapter: That's so sad. They were probably all looking forward to the first Christmas together. I could imagine Brian was always a little sad the years before because he missed Justin on Christmas. And now they're all together for the first time and Brian is sad because he feels guilty and because he realizes more and more what he had destroyed and taken away not only from Justin, but also from the boys. Hopefully, next Christmas they're together again and truefully happy! And I still expect some emotional breakdown in front of this family picture... That couldn't have been all, could it? I don't know, maybe Justin finds Brian crying in front of the drawing later that night when the boys are sleeping...?
And I just have to mention it... My favorite scenes in this chapter are Luke saying: "Daddy was mean yesterday. I tried to ignore him" - sooo cute - and Brian's thoughts when he finds his "two favourite blonds". Again, an amazing chapter! I don't want your story to end... Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I totally agree with your first paragraph - couldn't have expressed it better myself :)
No, that was not all ;) There will be more and we'll find out about Brian's mood and the impact Justin's painting has on him soon :)
We can only hope that next Christmas they can all be happy and can all enjoy the holiday :D
And who knows? Maybe Luke will even be able to let his daddies sleep in then :P
I am glad you enjoyed the chapter! More is up now :)
Date: Sep 04, 2018 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25
Hi! So, for now, my worries seem to be unjustified. At least for this chapter... :-)
I really like that Justin spends time not also just with his two boys but together with Jen and Deb, although I haven't forgiven them totally yet - the most important person here is Justin and he has to decide. And if I understood you right, Brian's first business trip, Justin spent alone with the boys, but the second with Jen and Deb. In my opinion, Justin's always been a family person and so I understand his need for wanting to have a good time with all of them.
I also can understand why Brian don't want to talk so much about the earlier years. I could imagine that he feels not only guilty but that he'd missed Justin on these days... But maybe I'm wrong.
What should I say about Deb... She was always blind on one eye or on both to the things Michael did, at one hand blaming Brian for everything and on the other demanding every time of Brian to make things right. And then she sided with Michael against Brian even after they sicked child services on Brian... And until the end, so until Michael turned away from her, she had hoped that he would see his mistakes and change... It's a pity that she didn't recognize and accepted the truth about Michael earlier, but from a mother's point of view, somewhere understandable. Lucky she had Carl by her side. Without him... And she can also be glad that Brian forgave her too...
I've written it before... It's a real family drama here... Much about forgiveness... And still, I'm terribly sorry for Brian being so betrayed and hurt by his "so called best" friends, but on the other hand, he has also deceived and hurt his true best friend. And even if the motives had been different, it results in the same pain. Feeling betray, lost, hurt and alone...
Looking so much forward to tomorrow! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
At least for this chapter ;)
Stormier times are ahead...
Yes, Justin spent the first business trip alone with the boys, but for the second one he invited over the grandmothers, so they could spend some time with their grandchildren and he could work on further improving his relationship with them. I agree, he is a family person and always has been and Justin could never live without these people in his life :/
There is pain involved on all sides and yes, there is also pain for Brian - and an incredible amount of guilt he has to work through :/
It was a painful realisation for Debbie to see Michael for the person he really is and to realise he's not as innocent as she'd have liked to believe. But thankfully she had Carl by her side to help her and thankfully Brian was very forgiving too :(
Yes, there are definite parallels between Brian's betrayal of Justin and the way he has been betrayed by Michael and Lindsay. I am glad you noticed them! Only makes Brian's betrayal that much harder to understand. After knowing how much pain he has suffered from, he still didn't hesitate to let Justin suffer the same pain because he thought it was the right thing to do :(
More will be up soon :)
Date: Aug 31, 2018 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24
Hi again! Great chapter and again, the most important thing: You let them talk and decide together how to handle a situation. It's so good to see Brian asking Justin for his opinion and them deciding together what to do or what would be the best. And it was the right decision: Debbie is just happy for them! I'm also happy for all of them having such a great and peaceful Thanksgiving together. Gus and Luke are sooooo cute. Would have liked to know what Justin and Brian were thankful for...
That's really crazy. Justin reproaches himself that he was thinking only of himself and his sons and his situation ... He is really too good for this world and for that I love him. but somebody should tell him that he shouldn't feel guilty. I don't mean that as a justification, but no one thought of him... And somehow Debbie had firsthand experienced what it feels like to be unable to accompany a child, a grandchild in life any longer. This whole family drama is really terrible and I'm curious... Mel really behaved this way? Was she really blaming Brian on everything? I could imagine Justin trying to contact her...
Jennifer's frowning... Hm, I don't know. Is she really worried about Justin? She knows how much Brian loves Justin....
I've read somewhere that your story has 30 chapters... We're already at Chapter 24. But I feel like there still should be so much going on and happening. And I miss still a little bit the emotional side. I mean, Brian had this conversation with Ted and we know he still loves Justin and he seems to be following Ted's advice as well, giving Justin time. But I would really like to know how Justin is feeling... How does it look inside him... Dos he think about Brian... Is there longing or still sadness... Or is he so occupied with his sons, that he hasn't got the time to think about their situation... And I'm a little bit afraid... They seem so good together and everything seems to get along quite well... I think, I'm just afraid, that something dramatic is about to happen... Thanks again for an amazing story and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, Brian has learned his lesson and he's living by his promise to Justin that from now on they will make decisions concerning their sons together. Brian is really trying here ;)
Yeah, wouldn't it have been interesting to know what they are thankful for? Hmmm...
The thing about Mel is that we only have Brian's interpretation of what happened. Since she left Toronto and abandoned Gus and everyone else, no one has talked to her, so no one really knows why she did what she did. This is only Brian's explanation for her behaviour, which is of course tainted by his own, not so favourable, view of her...
Jennifer's frown - I love how people are taking that so serious. There is nothing bad going on! That frown was just her confusion in that situation when she heard Gus refering to Justin as Papa. She didn't know what to make of that as the boys hadn't explained about Gus and Justin's conversation and the legal guardianship yet. As for her: She loves both Brian and Justin and after everything, even her own involvement, she would be more than happy for them if they could work everything out and get the happiness they deserve. She is not up to anything bad here. Promise!
The story has more than 30 chapters. I said 30+ chapters. There is still a lot to come, no worries :) Justin's feelings will come up and will be covered as will Brian's feelings and there will be lots of stuff still happening. Remember the family portrait? :P
As for everything being good now: Well, you know me. You know how evil I can be... let's just say it won't all be smooth sailing from here on out :/
More will be up soon :)
Date: Aug 27, 2018 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23
Hi! Another great chapter! What I love so much about your story is that you seem to think of everything. Your story is very detailed and really tries to respond to the feelings of all who are involved. I must admit, I haven't thought about Luke and how Gus calling Justin "Papa" could affect him. And it's understandable that he is confused and also a bit jealous and possessive. After all, he has just met his Papa, about whom he has heard so much for so long. And then, he has to share him. That must be difficult. But again, Justin handled this so quite well. Although he had had insecurities about being a father, in my opinion, being a father seems so natural to him. Another step in the right direction, and I'm happy for all of them and I'm also glad that they manage to solve these problems together! And i know, I repeat myself, but I love your writing-style and how you describe them, how they behave, how you let them express their feelings and emotions. Great! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Awwww, once again thanks for your great comment :)
Haha, I am just trying to cover all my bases and make sure that readers won't feel like something was forgotten or not covered. That's probably making the story a lot longer than it has to be, but well... I like writing and I like writing about these two, so it's all good for me :P
Yeah, poor Luke. So many changes going on and then nobody explains to him why Gus is suddenly calling Justin Papa too, when Luke knows that Justin is only his Papa. No wonder the poor guy felt confused.
To be honest, I always felt that Justin would be a great father. We never really saw him as much with Gus or Jenny as I would have liked, but he always had this kind of nurturing side to him and seemed to have a lot of love to give. I can imagine him being a great father!
Yes, another step forward that they mastered together :)
More will be up soon!
Date: Aug 24, 2018 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22
Hi! Another awesome chapter! I'm so in love with your story, your writing-style, your characters...
Again, you've made it clear how different their minds work... Justin has a guilty conscience, because he didn't talked first to Brian about being also a possible father to Gus. And in my opinion, he's right, because that's an important decision and he should've talked about it with Brian first. But, Brian wants what is best for Gus and that's definitely Justin as the other father. So, no problems here, but I think Justin's also right, that they should also include Gus regarding a possible adoption. And I also think, to put Justin as Gus' legal guardian would be enough for now.
As for the drinking... I would've never expected Brian to be angry about Justin. I expected exactly that ... that he's angry about Lindsay. But, I've expected him also to be angry about himself. I think, he slowly realizes that he hadn't only hurt Justin and Luke (and also himself) with his decision to cut Justin out of his and Luke's lifes but also Gus. Sure, it was Lindsay who manipulated Justin and from her point of view it's understandable why she told Justin to stay away... she must had been really afraid that Gus would had mentioned Luke to Justin. It surely would have been hard to include a five or six year old boy in this web of lies. And, I think, even if Brian hadn't thought much about it, it must had fit him perfectly. But he doesn't seem to have realized then, how much he also hurt Gus and his feelings with this. Terrible, how this whole betrayal worked...
But, that's in the past! It can't be changed anymore. They can only move on and do better! And I'm so glad to see, they try! I'm very happy about their talks and how they communicate with each other! Again, that's another step in the right direction! They're getting closer, and that's a good basis for anything that may, hopefully, happen between them (i'm still dying here... :-) ) Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Awwwwww, thank you so much for your kind words :)
Yes, Justin probably should have talked to Brian first, but with communication between them being what it is at the moment, I guess it's good they at least talked after the conversation with Gus and worked it out together :)
After having hurt Justin so badly, Brian would do whatever he could to make it up to Justin now. The same for his sons: Brian would do whatever it took to make Gus and Luke happy and if that means accepting Justin as a second father to Gus, Brian will gladly do that.
The thing is that for years Brian believed with everything in him that he has done the right thing by keeping Luke a secret from Justin. Now Justin knows and Brian can see how much pain and hurt his decision has caused the only man he has ever loved in his life. And you are right, he's slowly beginning to understand that his decision back then didn't only affect him and Justin, it also affected Luke and especially Gus, who was older and knew Justin from when they had still been together.
Of course Lindsay also played a part in it and I agree, her manipulations and driving Justin away worked well for Brian at the time, but we know she had her own reasons and they had nothing to do with Gus or his well-being, which is what's making Brian so angry.
As for being anrgy at himself - Brian is slowly starting to realise that he has hurt the people he claims to love most in his life and how much he has hurt each and every one of them. Once that realisation really hits home... Well... we'll see what will happen then.
As you said: They are communicating now and that's a step in the right direction! They are moving on and doing it together - that's a good thing :)
Date: Aug 20, 2018 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21
Hi again! Great chapter! There isn't much to say about, it's just beautiful, Gus is sooo cute and I'm very happy for Justin but also for Gus. And I love the sensitive way both, Justin and Brian, handle this situation.
I know some may say it's impossible or maybe too soon, but to be honest, i'm dying here to see, I don't know, some kind of affection between Brian and Justin... (Couldn't there be at least a spontaneous kiss or something... :-) ) I know, it's too soon, but... I just can't imagine them living together and not being attracted to one another... Don't take me too seriously. I know, too much has happened, it can not be that fast or that easy, but it's so hard not to see them together... Like I said before, don't take me too seriously! Can't wait to read more! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Thanks for your comment! I am glad you liked the chapter :)
Both Gus and Justin deserve this - they have been through enough!
Nope, there won't be a spontaneous kiss ;) I have to agree - it's much too soon for something like that. They both still have so much to work through on their own and together... Anything happening now would only be doomed to fail and they are both aware of that.
As for being attracted to another - who says they are not aware? Hmmm...
Date: Aug 16, 2018 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20
Hi again! Great chapter! Again, there're so many thoughts running through my mind and I don't know where to start.
Daphne and Em... Their reaction is understandable. They don't want Justin to get hurt any further, but as Justin mentioned it, they haven't been around Brian for a long time and they don't know how much Brian had changed. I think, you made it perfectly clear, that Brian has no intentions to hurt Justin anymore. I love that we finally got to take a look inside Brian's thoughts... Brian still loves Justin. He wouldn't want to hurt him on purpose. Of course, Justin is unsure about moving to Britin and might have expected a bit more encouragement from his friends, but I think their reactions are understandable. However, I still don't understand how he deals with the pain or whether he no longer feels it? He didn't want to spend three days there because of the memories, now he moves in...
After the disaster with his "best friends", I'm really happy that Brian finally found a really good friend in Ted. Ted is very thoughtful and assists Brian with really good advice. And yeah, I agree with Ted, I also think, that Justin still loves Brian (as we mentioned before, he came back to Pittsburgh to be with Brian again). And such a deep love can't just turn into hate from one moment to another, even if that was Justin's first reaction :-) But Justin already showed understanding for Brian's decision and even if it was one of the biggest ant worst mistakes, I think it's nothing for which Justin could hate Brian forever. So Ted describes it quite right ... There is still love under the pain and hurt. And that's why I like Justin moving in. They will spend time together, even without children, and they will be able to approach each other again... Because that's how I would like your story to end... Them together as a real family!
As for regarding another man showing up or one of them going on dates... In the end, it's your story and you decide what's going on, but I hope or better I can't imagine them seeing someone else or dating. Why? I think they both have other things to clarify or to deal with, other priorities. Justin came back to be with Brian again. Now he is the father of a five-year-old child from one day to the next. I think he just won't think about a relationship with another man at all. And since this chapter, we also know that there hasn't been or won't be anybody else for Brian. As I estimate Brian, he never brought any men to Britin. We still don't know how he has behaved in this regard over the past few years and if he keeps on tricking, but I'm sure he didn't bring anyone to Britin. Why would he do it now? And after Ted has plausibly told him that Justin still loves him, he will hopefully follow Ted's advice and be patient... :-) or he should start to fight a little for what he wants. He should show Justin how much he still means to Brian. I also think that my idea with a date, a dinner or something would not be bad ... And I'm still looking forward to the scene with the family picture. And now, I have to be patient too! :-) Sunday seems to be so far away... :-) Warmest regards!!!
Author's Response:
Thanks for your great comment - I really appreciate it :)
Daphne and Emmett are real friends here and worry about Justin. They want to make sure he'll be okay, but as you've said, they haven't spent time with Brian and haven't seen all the changes that Justin is now aware of. And you're right: Brian would never hurt Justin again if he can avoid it. He loves him and he sees day in and out how much pain he has caused. He wouldn't do that to Justin again.
As for Justin's pain about moving into Britin - that is still there, but Justin felt pressured here to say yes by the idea having been presented in front of the kids and I think choosing the room furthest away from the master bedroom and Brian is one way of working through that. Spacial separation and as little reminders of what could have been "their" home as partners.
Ted is a smart man and a good friend - Brian really needed a friend like him and I am glad Ted turned into that friend. Way better than his other "best friends" ;)
At the moment you're right: They both have other priorities than dating and there is so much they each have to work through on their own, but... we'll never know what the future might bring.
Your idea is not a bad idea - I agree. The question is: Will Brian? ;)
The painting will come up again, but it might be some time. After all it takes tiime to finish a masterpiece like that :P
Date: Aug 13, 2018 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19
Hi! Hm, yes, interesting chapter... I have to admit, I expected something like that. So, Brian's suggestion wasn't much of a surprise. And for me, it means, they are moving in the right direction... because, I want to see them together at some point, and not as friends! :-) But I think, this is a very difficult situation. It can only work if they either have no feelings for each other or both have them. If only one of them feels something for the other, I think sooner or later there would be trouble and pain. At the latest if another man would play a role. But we know that they both still feel something for each other. :-) So, great step in the right direction. There will be time for them without the kids. In the morning, in the evening when the kids are sleeping, at night when they can't sleep :-) to talk... to see changes about the other one... to whatever...
I do not know why, but nevertheless, Brian's behavior or his motives made me suspicious or let's say, he confuses me. He said, "he wouldn't be stupid enough to ask Justin to move back in with him" - but he is stupid enough to suggests this in front of the kids? It seems as if he thought about this suggestion since he heard about the house-hunting. He had had time to think it through. And then he asks this important question in front of the kids? Maybe he also wants to have Justin around and he just knew that Justin couldn't say no in front of the kids... On the other hand, it seems that he really didn't think much of it, because at first, he doesn't even understand why Justin is so upset. The studio... I mentioned it before in one of my reviews... I expected this! And I think it's clear, that Brian set this studio up after he knew about his pregnancy and also after he ended his relationship with Justin. According to "the Pittsburgh Years", in the beginning he still lives at his loft (or he could had done this in the first three month, but I don't think so). I've also already written about it. Brian really seems to live in two worlds. On one hand, he has ended the relationship with Justin and their life together and has now really understood how much he has destroyed a immediate common future. On the other hand, he hoped for more, set Britin up as if Justin would one day come back and they just keepgoing on where they left off. He set up a studio for him, he put a joint photo on the bedside table for Luke, he always integrated Justin into the family. It's just so sad... And I still think it's time for Brian to act a little bit more, to start to fight a little bit...
I wonder how Justin will behave and feel by living at Britin. He didn't want to stay there for three days when Brian went to Chicago because he said it would be too painful to be there because of their shared memories. Now, he decides to live there!!! So, I'm very curious about that and also about what happens with the family-drawing... Warmest regards!!!
Author's Response:
Yes, this is a step in the right direction - definitely :) Now we'll have to wait and see how living together will work for the two of them.
It would actually be interesting to see how they would act once another man showed up - I can just imagine them trying to act as nonchalant as possible, while seething with jealousy on the inside ;)
What Brian meant when he said that he wouldn't be stupid enought to ask Justin to move in with HIM is that he wouldn't ask Justin to move back in as his partner, boyfriend, lover or whatever... He is asking Justin as a friend to move into his house (one of the guestrooms), so he can spend more time with Gus and Luke, but Brian was not asking Justin to move back in with HIM.
Brian was being Brian and once again sadly didn't think things through :/ It would have been better to discuss this with Justin alone and not in front of Gus and Luke, but... Brian thought he had a good idea and he didn't think that maybe that good idea could be misunderstood as something more... I think Brian really didn't think it would be such a big deal. He considered it a good idea and wanted to share that idea, but once again he didn't think how that might make Justin feel. Mr Kinney definitely has to learn to be more considerate :/
You are right about the studio: It was set up after he knew about the pregnancy and after his relationship with Justin had ended. Why? Maybe only Brian will ever really understand the answer to that question.
And yes, makes you wonder if he thought that once Justin found out about Luke they could just go back to being together...
More will be up soon and we'll find out some answers :)
Date: Aug 10, 2018 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Hi again! First of all, I'm sorry. There were so many writing mistakes in my last reviews... But whatever, I think you understood what I've wanted to say...
Yeah, it seems, we have a very similar view of these characters. There are many great stories and as I mentioned before, I'm thankful for all those people who take the time to write something about them, keep them alive... But if it's a story with a topic around their lifes in the show or a story which continues after S5, I really love those stories where I found their characters in a way I saw them in the show. And we also have a similar feeling about the end. Like I also said before, I hated it (but who didn't?). And I totally agree with you, if there hadn't been this "or never again", and if they just would've let Justin appear in this last scene at Babylon, then everything would feel a little different. So, from time to time, I need stories which gives them a future after this terrible end. And in my opinion, you let them stay (almost) in character. Like I said before, you've chosen a very difficult emotional topic and if there would be just the "Pittsburgh years", I honestly don't know if I would be able to read it (at least before everything would have been published)... too much pain and also anger, as I said before, especially at Jennifer. And "Back for good" is not just an excellent written story but also a story which doesn't let you go after reading, but keeps you thinking. What would I do in this situation? How would I react? What would I want them to do? And so on... To be honest, I love how you let them interact so far, even if I also wish that some people would show more remorse or for example Brian... When i think about what could happen next, I sometimes want him to totally break down in front of Justin, crying, asking for forgiveness and another chance... :-) Well, or something like that. You really put me under a spell with your story. Today, I was again thinking about it, about this changed Brian and I remembered when Justin compared Brian in chapter 12 with a wild tiger who became a house kitten... What is Brian now? What was Justin expecting to find? Was he expecting Brian still to be the wild tiger? And will he be happy about this changed Brian? Can he accept him the way he is now? And as I said before, there would only be one situation for me why I couldn't read your story. If this changed Brian would had fallen in love with another man and founded a family with this man and Luke and Gus. Then I couldn't read your story. So, I'm looking forward to Sunday evening :-) and send you my warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Don't worry about any mistakes in your reviews - there are enough in my replies and in the story itself, so nothing to feel bad about ;)
Thanks for getting back to me with yet another lovely comment :)
As for Brian breaking down... we still have some way to go in this story. Never say never... There will definitely still be emotional times ahead for both Brian and Justin. As you know: He still has to find out about the painting Justin and the kids have started ;)
As for what Justin expected Brian to be: I think when he first came back to Pittsburgh, he expected Brian to still be the same old Brian. He probably expected that Brian had left him so he could go back to his old life as the Stud of Liberty Avenue. Then he found out about Luke and I think he slowly realised that Brian is not that Brian anymore and has changed. And the more time they spend together, the more Justin will see how Brian has changed and what he has changed into.
What will he think about that? That will definitely come up at a later point, but lets just say there's a difference between someone changing for another person to make that person happy and between someone changing because they want to for themselves. Hopefully Justin will see the difference.
I am glad this story makes you think and stays with you - when I started writing it, I never expected it to turn into what it has become. I thought it would be a small, angsty tale and then it turned into these two big stories that also stayed with me for months... For months I would think about these characters, how they had reacted, what they had done and what I would have done in their shoes.
I love movies and books that make me ask questions about myself, that get me thinking and I am glad this story has that effect on you :)
The way I see Brian, he couldn't fall in love with another man. For him Justin is and always has been the one. I don't think he could have real feelings for someone else. But that's probably the romantic in me that wishes he will only ever love Justin and no one else :P
Can't wait for your next review on the upcoming chapter. I am really interested to hear what you'll think about that :)
Date: Jul 08, 2018 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4
My goodness! I'm just not getting Brian. On one hand, he seems to be destroyed on the ground, seems he’s still loving Justin. The way he says "He said he hated me” and then starts to cry. On the other hand: What was he expecting? How was he imagining telling Justin this and get some other reaction????
And I have really no words for Jennifer. Brian, okay, this is no excuse, but sad but true, we know about his cliffs and how his mind sometimes worked. But Jennifer? Didn’t she want to get between them? But a baby ... she should, no, she must had told Justin. To compare this betrayal with some problems during puberty is just shameful.
Author's Response:
Yes, what was Brian expecting? Was he expecting that Justin wouldn't hate him for what he did?
As for Jennifer - yes, she should be ashamed... And I think in the long run her betrayal will hurt way more than Brian's, because like you said: We all know about Brian's cliffs and who knew better than Justin? But Jennifer? She had no reason and no excuse :(
Date: Jul 09, 2018 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Strange kind of greeting from Carl. Couldn’t he be a little more friendly?
Still, there are this two sides of Brian. On one hand he seems cold and as you wrote “businesslike”, but on the other and he seems to feel guilty and miserable and in my opinion everything he does screams love, and I don’t think it’s just the love for Luke.
I feel so damned sorry for Justin. He’s the most miserable one this situation. One can’t blame Justin for not staying calm. Who could stay calm in this situation? And I also totally understand his anger but I think here he has a wrong idea of Brian. Maybe I’m too romantic, but I think Brian saw Luke as was he was: he came from their love. And I think he didn’t cursed Justin for getting pregnant but being grateful to still have some part of their love and of Justin. I think he really didn’t believed that Justin would come home someday.
Is there really no other reason? With the sentence “and for what?” you made it clear that Brian in his sometimes twisted mind and from what he had learned as a child apparently really thought to do what’s best for Justin. We know already some of his cliffs. Nevertheless, in this situation was also another human being involved and there could, should, would have been a better solution.
Justin reacts so mature, thinking what’s best for Luke, putting aside his anger and hurt for the moment.
Great story! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Brian and love? Hmmmm... we'll see, we'll see ;) Could our big bad still have feelings or his Sunshine?
What Brian did, he did because he truly thought he was doing the best for Justin. Was he wrong? Definitely! But still in his mind he was doing the right thing and only had good intentions. He never kept Luke a secret to willfully hurt Justin or betray him.
He's seeing now how wrong he has obviously been in that assessment :(
Date: Jul 08, 2018 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Wow! So many hints about the others… Michael, Lindsay, Mel, but I think we have to be patient to get real answers.
I’ve to repeat myself. I don’t get Brian. He named Luke Kinney-Taylor. He listed Justin as the other father. Ted saying “it was never an easy decision for him” and “I have never seen him like this before, Justin. He's a picture of guilt” He loved Justin and I think still loves Justin, but hadn’t had enough trust in their love and in Justin? Was he so afraid that a child would have destroyed their relationship at this time in their life? That Justin would have regretted it someday not having a career? That Justin could have developed the feeling that he had forfeited anything? That they ended up like Brian's parents? In my opinion, Brian hadn’t changed at all in S5, but with his behavior just wanted to make it easier for Justin to go. He wanted this marriage, but he didn’t want to stand in the way of Justin. And even though I would have liked to see it differently, I always felt Brian just didn’t think they would still be together when Justin went to NY. But having a child together and not telling him???!!! Or am I wrong and there are other reasons?
Author's Response:
Real answers will be revealed over the course of this story :)
You raise some interesting questions about Brian's thoughts and we'll look deeper into some of those aspects over the course of the story!
Date: Jul 08, 2018 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6
“as he came to the realisation that he and Brian were truly over. After this, there was no turning back.” – Oh no, please no! I know, at the moment it looks like there is no way for them getting together again, but – and I don’t know what’s wrong with me, because I know there isn’t hardly anything more worse Brian could have done - they have to find a way, cause nevertheless, they love each other, and although sometimes love isn’t enough, no, no, I won’t imagine…
Crazy, how Brian still knows what’s best for Justin and calling Emmett. If only he would have done five years ago what would have been best for Justin. I’m so glad that not everyone was included In this secret. Justin needs a real friend now.
I’m really curious if there is another explanation for Brian’s decision than Justin’s career. Now, he stays three days a week at home. There could have been other solutions for them like moving to NY together. I still don’t understand Brian!
Author's Response:
Right now love is probably the last thing on Justin's mind when he thinks about Brian, but with time... We can hope, right? :)
And yes, Justin really needed someone on his side and Emmett was a great choice! Love Justin and Emmett :)
I don't think anyone but Brian can understand why he did what he did...
Date: Jul 08, 2018 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5
At least, Jennifer’s got enough brain to understand that she had been awfully wrong. By the way, I also think it's awfully wrong to use the spare key to get into Justin's house. I think she makes it too easy to apologize for her behavior. She could have told Justin about Luke without letting Brian know. Brian wouldn’t had run away If Justin first would have been there. It’s a very lame excuse and Justin is right, it’s a shame that she blames it now on Brian while playing happy grandma all this time.
Great story by the way, very good written!
Author's Response:
Poor Justin, betrayed by the two people he probably loved most :(
Date: Jul 08, 2018 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2
So it seems Daphne doesn’t know anything. It would be so much more painful for Justin if she would also have known… Ted seems to be a little bit sarcastic at first. That’s not fair. He knows why Brian has stopped talking to Justin and nevertheless it seems as if he would have expected Justin to try harder to stay In contact with Brian or come back much more earlier. But at least he shows he has a heart by telling Justin where to find Brian. It remains exciting and I feel so sorry for Justin…
Author's Response:
Daphne would have never betrayed Justin like that :(
I think Ted is just really uncomfortable with the whole situation and doesn't quite know how to deal with it :(
Date: Aug 09, 2018 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Hi! First of all, I must complain, it was way too short... :-) No, that's my fault, that I can't get enough of those two. Again, it was an amazing chapter...
I would have loved to see these scenes with all four of them on a screen. I imagine it as so beautiful and cute. Brian, Justin, Gus and Luke, their mini-versions. I just love how you represent Luke and also Gus!
I also like this changed Brian. He seems to be calm and relaxed. He seems to think first and reacts or speaks then. He doesn't seem to be so impulsive anymore. I'm happy for him! Happy, that he overwhelmed his demons and his issues. And, as I wrote before, I really liked Blake in the show. His character went through a difficult but interesting change. And I'm very curious, but I could imagine, that at some point in the "Pittsburgh Years", the only people around Brian had been Jennifer, Ted and also Blake... So, back to Brian. Yeah, I'm happy for him, but... What I don't understand... How long since he ended therapy? He apparently learned a lot about himself and his behavior through this therapy. Wouldn't he have realized then that he made a huge mistake in terms of Justin? Couldn't this therapist have had to point out to him that he had chosen or taken away another person's choice? Shouldn't he have had to contact Justin at this time? I can accept that he didn't, because even then we would have a different story and not yours, but will this still be discussed? Or did Brian still think he did the best for Justin, despite the therapy's insights? But as you show us in chapter 12 and 13, it seems as if Brian really only then did realize the full extent of the tragedy and how much he hurt Justin with his decision. How tragic, how sad, how terrible... And yeah, it's a beautiful chapter, amazing writing-style and I love how you let them interact and while reading it yesterday, I felt happy for Brian, but at the same time I felt such a deep sadness and hopelessness. Sadness mainly because of the thoughts of Justin: "Brian regretted that he had only worked through all his issues when it had already been too late for them as a couple". In your answer to my last review, you wrote: Does Brian love justin?" - In another answer, you had already answered "yes". And I also got this impression... In chapter 9, when he said "I missed that sound" when Justin's chuckled. And in chapter 13 you've made it clear that Brian had hoped for more. And I don't got the impression, that Brian's very happy about the house-situation. Maybe he hoped for Justin to move in but now realizes how impossible that would be at this time. but I'm sure, he still loves Justin. And also Justin still loves Brian. He came back to Pittburgh with the intention to get back with Brian. And while writing this today, I don't feel so sad anymore, there's still hope. So the question remains, is the love that is obviously still there enough? Can it develop to more? I have some suggestions ... :-) Maybe they should start therapy together. They still have enough to work up from their five years together... Or - as I said before - Brian should start to fight a liitle bit for Justin... Taking him to a date, something he'd never done before, going out to dinner togehter... And I'm still curious how Brian will react to this family-drawing. You mentioned it before and in my imagination he finally has his breakdown, finally recognizing "that's what I've lost"... "that's what we could have had"... So, I'm can't wait to read more... Warmest regards and thanks for sharing this wonderful story!
Author's Response:
Sometimes I am wondering if you can read my mind or have already read the story before *lol* Some of your guesses are very spot on and very close/almost exactly what might happen at one point in the story.
I won't get into too much detail as I don't want to spoil anything for you (unless you want me to), but we seem to have a very similar view of these characters and how their relationship works ;)
Sorry for the short chapter- but when you read the next one, you will realise that this was the perfect place to stop :P
I loved the airport reunion as well and had it playing in my mind like a mini-movie :)
As for Brian's therapy: His therapist can only help on issues that Brian mentions and brings up himself. If Brian refused to talk about the situation with Justin, there wasn't much his therapist could do about that. And you are right: Up until Justin's return and up until they really talked for the first time, Brian genuinely thought that he had done the right thing. What Justin told him in that conversation was eye-opening to Brian and even though he might have heard the same at one point from Ted, Jennifer and Debbie, he never believed it to be true until he heard it from Justin himself. Naive? Yes! Blind to Justin's feelings? Absolutely :(
There is always hope :D Also for these two!
More will be up soon!
Date: Jul 08, 2018 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hi! After looking inside your story when you started to publish it, I decided to wait with reading until it’s finished because there’s nothing more worse than such an very well written and so emotional story which stops at one point and won’t be finished. But today I decided to have some trust in you!
So, great start, I really like your writing-style and you get us real curious. But because of the mpreg information at the tags I’ve already got an idea and got angsty about it from the start…. Oh, Brian, no no no, how could you….
Author's Response:
Awwww, thanks for your trust :) Just to let you know, this story is completely finished already and will be updated regularly! I won't keep you hanging :)
Date: Aug 07, 2018 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17
Hi! Again, great chapter! i'm so in love with Luke and Gus - they area so cute! But first, a few words about Deb. I'm glad she apologized and - most important thing - told Justin the truth. Because I think Justin's right when saying, there's only a chance to overcome the past and to try to forgive, if you get honesty. Her reasons... What should I say? From her point of view understandable, but again, Justin is not Brian and Justin is also not Denny. Justin is Justin but that's unfortenately something they haven't seen or understand. But it's terrible how you can destroy at least a part of someone's elses life by such a thinking or through your own issues. But nevertheless, it's a little start for Justin and Deb and at least Justin knows that it was never about him but about Deb's own issues and problems.
Justin and this house-situation... I asked myself why Justin is so insecure (still, I wouldn't call it weak) about the whole matter. Most situations I remember, Justin had always done what he wanted, never asked or speak to Brian first. And that's why I really like how he reacts here. We already agreed that they should've had talked more to each other in the Show, making common decisions and finding solutions and so on. And that's why I love the way Justin reacts. In addition, there's maybe also his slight insecurity as a sudden father, but I think first of all, he reacts this way because it's about the kids. His instincts told him not just to look for an house and buy it (and yeah, he could do this, he has every right to do it), but first speak to Brian about this situation, not to ask for permission, but for his opinion, to make a joint decision, that won't harm the children, but will be best for them. Because, Justin is not Brian, he is not Debbie and he is not Jennifer! Again, in my opinion, he is the most matured and bravest person here and I would like to hug him to give him some more strenght.
I'm very curious about the next chapter! Hopefully, there will be some more of Brian. I hope they'll find a good solution together... I kono it's much too early to move in together or something like that, but a new house... I don't know, but I don't really like this idea. I'm also curious about the family-drawing because you mentioned a reaction by Brian... I just hope, he won't disappoint Justin any futher. I wish, he would start to fight a little bit more for Justin. So far, he seemed a bit too indifferent, although I think they still love each other...
Another question arises to me again and again, and I wonder if this will eventually be topic in your story again? How much longer would they have concealed Luke's existence? They've more or less already dealt with their own problems or are currently working on them. Well, Brian has apparently only now realized the full extent of this tragedy and his actions. But Debbie won't have known for two weeks why she didn't inform Justin at the time. If Justin hadn't returned to Pittsburgh, wouldN't anyone have ever told him? And when he was back in Pittsburgh and everyone realized that he was living in this city right now again, how could Jennifer behave like that? Or had she already talked to Brian? Did Brian mean to tell Justin? So many questiions... :-) Can't wait to read more! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
The problem seems to have been that not a single one of them has managed to look past their own nose to consider Justin in any of their actions. They all went by their own lifes, their own opinions, their own behaviours in the past and just projected that on poor Justin while at the same time totally misunderstanding the reason why he has left for New York.
To them him leaving for New York meant that he wanted this career as well, meant that he actually cared for it enough to cancel his wedding. If only they all would have talked honestly after the cancelled wedding.
I am sorry to say, but the way it was handled on the show it felt very rushed how Justin moved to New York. Not really thought through and planned and that is something I intentionally used in this story. If Justin was suddenly so eager to leave Pittsburgh for New York, maybe he did care for that career more than he had admitted at first? Or at least that's something Brian, Jennifer and Debbie told themselves to justify their actions. Wny else would he have cancelled his wedding, something he had dreamed of for so long and would have moved more than 300 miles away from the love of his life?
I wouldn't call Justin's behaviour about the house hunt and telling Brian insecure or weak. Justin is trying to live by the agreement he has made with Brian. That they would try to be friends and would talk about decisions concerning their son. Maybe he is being too considerate, that is for others to decide, but he is just trying to do what he now expects Brian to do as well: Talk to him and find decisions together when it concerns Luke.
As you so rightly noticed: Justin is not Brian, he is not Jennifer and he is not Debbie. He doesn't want to exclude them from his son's life and in my opinion would never treat them the way they have treated him even though they might deserve it. He knows how hurt he has been and he doesn't seem like the type of man to willfully go out and hurt people just because he can. At least not to me.
Yes, there will be more of Brian in the next chapter. I promise he will be back :) As for Brian fighting for Justin...hmmm... we'll find out soon about that. Does Brian love Justin? Does he want him back as a lover? Boyfriend? Partner? We'll see...
As for your last paragraph: That is definitely something that will be picked up in this universe... And you are on the right track with some of your assumptions there ;)
Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate all of them and love reading them :)
More will be up soon - and yes, with Brian :)