Membership status: Member
Bio:
This is a sequel to Back for Good. Three years after Justin has forgiven Brian for keeping their son Luke a secret from him and Brian and Justin gave their relationship another try they are happy with their relationship and their children Gus and Luke. Or aren't they? What does fate have in store for them now?
This story is finished and will be updated regularly!
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Ben Bruckner, Blake Wyzecki, Brian Kinney, Carl Horvath, Cynthia, Daphne Chanders, Debbie Novotny, Drew Boyd, Emmett Honeycutt, Gus Marcus-Peterson, James 'Hunter' Montgomery, Jennifer Taylor, Justin Taylor, Michael Novotny, Original Character, Ted Schmidt
Tags: 100k+ Word Count, Anal Sex (Lots of it!), Anti-Michael, Bottom Brian, Cancer, Established Relationship, Friendship, MPreg (Yup! Went THERE!), Out of Character, Post-series, Raw Sex, Real Life Issues, Toppy Justin, Vulnerable Brian, Vulnerable Justin
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst w/ Happy Ending, Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: Back for Good Universe
Chapters: 37 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 145677 Read Count: 114659
Date: Oct 24, 2019 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Hi again! I can only repeat myself, I feel so happy for them. A little peanut! And this time they can experience everything together! And again, fantastic writing-style and I love their detailed talks! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, a little peanut :)
They deserve this happiness and to be together for this pregnancy.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Hi again! Sunshine and his super sperm :-)
I’m very glad that they don’t linger to much in the past. Just as you’ve written, it’s in the past and they can’t change it! They just should enjoy this pregnancy and should be happy that they can experience it this time together! Cute reaction from Luke but I haven’t expected anything less. With Gus, I was not so sure, not because of his age but because of the fact, that this baby ans also Luke are "real" siblings because they are both from Brian and Justin and Gus is only from Brian. But I think, in their little family this isn’t a real issue also because Justin has never treated Gus different from Luke.
I’m very curious about Michael and the role he’ll play in your story. I hope he won’t be successful in whatever he’ll do – because I’m sure that he’ll at least try to make problems… Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Haha, super sperm indeed. We always knew he was a very talented guy ;)
Yes, I agree that there was never anything to worry about with Luke, but with Gus... Yes, that's a different story. And as much as Justin treats him like he is his biological son as well, they will always know he isn't. And most importantly Gus will always know. The question is, will it become a problem? Or will they be fine anyway...
Michael... well, we'll hear from him. That much is certain. How that will go? We'll see.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6
Hi again! It’s so cute how you describe Luke copying Justin’s behavior! Ah, I love your little family! Why can’t they stay so happy! But I think a good story needs a little excitement!
Knowing about what is to come makes me sad reading about all their future plans like painting on Brian’s belly or going to one appointment together with their boys… Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I love this family as well :) And I do feel bad for all I put them through in my stories *lol* They would deserve so much better. Maybe one day I'll write a story where there will just be happiness for them.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Hi again! I like how you let Justin handle his business. It shows that there is nothing more important for Justin than Brian and his family. That’s what Brian unfortunately didn’t understand in the past…
So far with Michael everything seems to be good, but I don’t trust this calmness… It’s scary enough that he’s in Pittsburgh…
Oh no, as I said before, I thought something would happen to their baby, but now with Brian coughing blood and his history and that of his father… Oh, I feel so bad for them…
Author's Response:
If only Brian had seen back then how wrong he had judged Justin's personality... So much pain could have been avoided. Well, at least he sees it now.
Yeah, I wouldn't trust Michael either, if I were you. Just saying ;)
Exactly... his own history and that of his father. It makes you worry, doesn't it?
We can only hope that everything will turn out alright in the end.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Hi again! What a terrible and painful chapter! First, I have to say, Brian running away, leaving Justin alone at the hospital, is not something nice, but it’s total understandable and Justin acted nearly the same way over the terrible news he received a few months ago – he got drunk senseless without talking to Brian first. So, yeah, understandable that Brian needed some time alone. And again, I have to say, great writing-style – one can feel Brian’s pain, fear and despair and then also Justin’s. And oh my God, what a shock. I’m working at a neurosurgery department and I often see terrible fates because of brain tumors. I only hope, they can perform surgery or cure him through radiation or something else! And I’m glad that Brian decided against leaving them. It would have been so terrible for all of them. Together they are stronger! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, now we have arrived at the angst part of this story :(
Poor guys. Brian is not perfect and he has never been able to deal well with bad news, so it's not really surprising that he would snap and wouldn't be able to deal with it and let Justin help him. Nobody's perfect and definitely not after receiving bad news like that. I just wanted to hug him so bad the whole time I was writing this chapter :(
And poor Justin, not knowing what was going on, but knowing that something bad must have happened for Brian to act that way. And then hearing the bad news and having his whole world fall apart...
It was really painful writing this chapter as I felt so bad for both of them :(
Oh god, that can't be an easy job. I can only imagine all the human misery and pain you have to see day in and out. I have the utmost respect for anyone who works in health services.
We'll find out more about what exactly is wrong with Brian soon.
And you're right. Together they are stronger! :)
Thanks for your lovely comments, I really enjoyed reading them all and seeing what you think about this story!
Date: Oct 25, 2019 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Hi again! Thanks for all of your answers! I don’t know, sometimes I also think a story without any excitement would be too boring, but at the moment I'm also reading "In quest of something" by ebbj9891. Very beautiful stories after S5, often with Gus, without much excitement, but still amazing, sometimes very funny, so yeah sometimes I also like such a story. Actually, I like all the stories in which their characters are not completely disfigured and unfortunately at the moment I'm very upset about another story in which in my opinion their characters are totally destroyed, but yes, what the hell. Everybody is allowed to write what he wants, even if I can’t understand how one can destroy these wonderful characters so much. Ah, I didn’t want to get upset again. You've get also a lot of criticism last year and handled it very well… If I don’t like a story I shouldn’t read it. It’s as simple as it is...
Yeah, neurosurgery isn’t an easy discipline. Sometimes I think I should go somewhere else someday, because every time I have a headache, I think of brain tumors. That's also something I’ve never understood and I would like to ask the creators of Queer as folk ... In the show, Justin was bashed at the right head, wasn’t he? I’ve never understood why the motor skills of his right hand were compromised. If you have an injury on the right side of the head, it would affect the motor skills of the left side of the body ...
So, now this chapter… It’s incredible sad and terrible! And Brian, my heart broke first for him reading this: “I... I just wanted to make you happy and now I can't even do that,” Oh, I want to hug him, I want to hug them… and then this “I don't want to die” and “I wanted to see your face when M gets born” So well written and also so painful! I’m just so glad, they’re in this together. I loved Justin’s behavior in S4 with the chicken soup and I’m so glad that at this moment he has the strength for both of them because Brian needs this! And I really like how important it is to Justin that Brian gives him this promises because yeah, Brian never broke a promise and now they’ll fight this together… Great story!
Author's Response:
Haha, the good old discussions about forgiveness or not and does Justin still have a backbone or not because he's actually able to forgive... Yeah, those were the days ;)
I agree, at the end of the day it's up to an author to write what they want to write and if you don't like it, don't read it. And there are things like out of character tags, so at least warn the readers, you know?
I hate stories where people don't use out of character tags and the characters are so clearly out of character. I don't mind having them out of character, both my Brian and Justin are, but at least give an explanation as to why they are (which I hope I did in explaining that Brian went to therapy and understood a lot about himself and his previous behaviour) and why they behave the way they do.
I know we both agree that Brian's character on the show could have been handled so much better and I was pretty happy when I saw an interview recently where they asked Gale Harold where he saw Brian now and he said that he hoped that by now Brian would have figured out his shit and gotten some help because the life he had been living wasn't healthy. My thoughts exactly! Brian couldn't go on the way he was and for me it was normal evolution to have him change, but of course that needs to be explained to a reader and not just presented as totally in character. At least in my opinion...
Yeah, I think your line of work would make me paranoid as well. I used to work as a teacher for more than 10 years before I went to Ireland and everytime I see a kid now, all I can think of is: Well, for his/her age they should be able to do this by now, they might need some extra help with their language, they might need some occupational therapy, they are way ahead of their age group. I can't just look at a kid anymore, all I see is a potential student and where they might need some extra support and what can be done to help them. I guess I never learned to switch off the button at the end of a day and to leave the job be the job ;)
I have actually wondered the same thing about Justin's injury from the very beginning and never heard anyone else wonder about it, so I thought I was alone. I am glad I wasn't. Maybe the writers thought nobody knew/would notice or were under the impression that Justin was so special he also had a special brain ;)
My heart broke for both Brian and Justin as well when writing this chapter. It made me feel so bad for what I am putting them through :(
Yes, Justin knows that right now he needs to be strong because Brian can't be. Brian's still too shocked by the news and went down into a depression because of it and Justin knows that for now he's the one that will need to take control of things. Thank God, he's strong and can do it!
Brian never broke a promise and I can tell you that he won't start now! :) They'll fight whatever this is together.
More will be up tomorrow :)
Date: Oct 28, 2019 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10
Hi again! I can only agree with you and Gale Harold regarding Brian’s further development. But the end of the series unfortunately left us with a different impression. As if everything would go on or start all over again. The presence of Justin alone would have made a different impression for me - but I think I've already written that. Makes me still so sad!
Yeah, our sunshine must have a special brain… After all, he had achieved what nobody did before… And Brian had no chance and just had to fall head over heels, madly and deeply… :-)
I think if you aren’t working in this field or have ever had to deal with it, you don’t necessarily know that the motor tracks cross in the brain stem and maybe the writers of qaf thought it would make people more confused. But funny, that you also noticed.
So, now to this chapter. as always, so well written. You always achieve, that one can participate so much in the feelings of the actors. One can feel their desperation, their hope, their pain. I have to say - with his ongoing bloody cough that I have little hope that it will be anything good, but I really hope it’s still curable. And I’m curious, what's about M?
When you mentioned that Brian had been to the cemetery I already thought about his father but I really love that you made him come across Vic’s grave. I really liked Vic in the show and I always love stories in which Vic plays a more important role to either Brian or Justin. In my opinion, he could have had a more important role in the show.
So, have a wonderful week! Until next time, warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yeah, let's not get started on the ending of the show. Those writers liked to have Brian stay the same and not have him grow up which is just not realistic. People grow and change over time and you can't give us five seasons of Brian growing up and changing only to then say in the last episode: Oh, by the way, he will always stay the same.
It doesn't work like that. At least for me :(
I am not saying I was a great fan of the wedding storyline, because that felt a bit too much and too sudden at the time, but I loved the "I love you" after the Babylon bombing. As for the wedding storyline, some of my feelings about that will actually come into play in this story and will be picked up later on and discussed here *spoiler alert*
Haha, I always assumed everyone knew the brain worked like that. I learned that in science class in school. But maybe I am just a nerd for actually remembering after all this time what I learned in school ;)
We'll find out what's wrong with Brian in the next chapter and then we'll also find out more about what will happen with M and how M will be affected by whatever is wrong with Brian :(
I totally agree about Vic. I loved the quiet, supportive way in which he loved the boys, unlike Debbie's loud ways. And he never needed to remind anyone of all the things he had done for them to validate himself. In that respect he was so different to Debbie and Michael which is why I always liked him. I felt like they didn't use him as much as they could have and was very sad when they killed him off on the show :(
Thanks for your comment :) More will be up tomorrow!
Date: Nov 05, 2019 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11
Hi again! Yeah, the wedding… Again, I can totally agree with you. It was a little bit too much. But still, I would have liked to see some kind of commitment, be it a wedding, a private arrangement between the two, or just that they wear their rings. It would have made a difference. Just like the last scene, if Justin would have appeared in Babylon, one would think, yes, they stay probably together, even if it might only be in a long-distance relationship for some time. And I‘m not talking about monogamy, that doesn‘t matter so much to me (I think Justin wasn‘t so much into other men any longer anyway and I really like those fictions in which Brian not suddenly stop to trick but reduces it slowly until he realises he just don‘t need this kind of excitemnent or self-affirmation any longer). No, some kind of commitment would have been a nice statement. Oh, anyway ... I think I hardly know a series or a movie, whose end has made me so dissatisfied ... And I think that's one of the reasons why I‘m so addicted to them :-)
Now, this chapter. Oh goodness, you don‘t choose easy topics, do you? :-) That‘s sooo terrible. No matter how they‘ll decide, they just can lose. And I really can‘t imagine Brian choosing to have an abortion, but he also has to think about Gus and Luke (and also Justin). Maybe they can wait until they can get M? but how far is Brian now? It would still be risky for both M and Brian. You see, you have made me very curious and I can‘t imagine how it develops… And if they decide against M, they have to live with it! And they wanted so much to experience this pregnancy together. And at this point, I just can‘t see an happy ending for all of them. How horrible and absolutely sad. And one should really let the past rest, but given the current situation, Brian's decision back than appears even more tragic. So, I really hope that Brian is one of the few who have a longer survival rate… Very well written! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I totally agree with everything you have said in your first paragraph! Something... Just something would have been nice. A bone in the direction of the fans, so they would have been happy. But well, what did we really expect from people that thought Brian would never change, always stay the same and that after they gave us five seasons of him slowly changing. It was a contradiction to me, as if they didn't know their own character, but I guess on some level they admired him, maybe even wanted to be him... Who knows?!?
I got the feeling over the years that the fans were a lot more open to Brian changing into a more adult, grown-up version of himself than the writers were. So many people hated that storyline of Brian and Brandon and their fuck-a-thon and hated how it made Brian regress to someone he hadn't been for a long time... Maybe because the fans wanted the happy ending with Justin for Brian's character or maybe just because they wanted the character to grow up and not be stuck...
Haha, no, I don't choose easy topics, then again life isn't always easy :( Most stories are based in some way or form on something that has happened in my own life and writing for me is very therapeutic and this is actually based on my grandma's cancer. No, she didn't have lung cancer, no she wasn't pregnant (obviously!), but a lot of the interaction between Justin and Brian will be based on how my grandparents dealt with my grandmother being diagnosed with cancer. Like I said, writing is very therapeutic to me and a great outlet for my emotions ;)
I just feel sorry for readers that have to join me on my therapeutic journeys *lol*
Right now emotions are flying high with Brian and Justin. They need some time to really process what they have been told and to make a decision together. First reactions are often very strong, but then, if we think about it some more, calmly, we might start to see other opinions and other options.
We will find out soon what will happen to Brian and M, but I wouldn't get too worried. I am not a monster after all and no matter how bad the angst, remember, I am always trying to give the boys their happy ending...
We'll find out soon what will happen to their family.
Thanks for your comment :)
Date: Nov 11, 2019 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12
Hi again! Yes, I totally agree. Not only was the end awful and just sad, there were also some scenes in S5 that I found terrible or pathetic regarding Brian‘s behavior like for example this story with Brandon. Okay, in my opinion, Justin in L.A. has totally thrown Brian back in his development, but I wish they'd have handled it differently. And although I love the serie and I find it very diverse and varied (many different topics are covered), there were always situations or conversations (between Justin and Brian) that I would have wished to be different. What's too bad also is that so many things were left unsaid. For example, Brian never gets to know what Justin did for him regarding Kip. Or unfortunately, Justin never learned that Brian was at the hospital every night. So many storylines and details that in my opinion had been dealt lovelessly in the end or not at all. Just like the end. :-(
I really like to join you on your therapeutic journeys. :-) As I said before, last year, you made me think so much about forgiveness and such stuff. It was incredible!
So, this chapter! Great, Very well written, so detailed, so sad and painful. Getting an abortion is a very difficult topic with many different opinions, but I think you‘ve written it so fantastically that one can understand their different points of view very well. A nearly impossible decision to make, and as I've already written, no matter how they would have decided, they can only lose. That‘s why I‘m very happy that they‘re considering this compromise. That's what I meant in my last review…. maybe wait until M has a chance of survival. Although, as you have written, this too holds enough risk for both of them. Oh dear, and I'm so sorry for the boys, they'll probably find out soon. Warmest regards!!!
Author's Response:
I totally agree with you about what you said concerning the show and not always tying up storylines well. One of the two examples you mentioned above will actually be mentioned in this story and will play a role here. Just saying ;)
I really appreciate your feedback. You have no idea how much it means to me to know that something I have written because it just wouldn't leave me alone has meant to people all over the world and has got them thinking as well. It's really all any writer could ask for :)
Yes, they are in an impossible situation now with no good outcomes it seems :( Poor guys! The things I put them through...
We will find out soon if Justin's idea might work or not and we can only hope for the best for all of them.
More will be up soon. Thanks so much for your comment :)
Date: Nov 20, 2019 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13
Hi again! I really love that you‘ll bring up former topics from the show which in my opinion they sadly left unfinished! Can‘t wait to read these! Yeah, and sometimes some stories wouldn‘t leave me alone either – sometimes in a positive way, then it‘s a good thing, but sometimes it‘s very hard if you can‘t get your thoughts away from a story, which disturbed or hurt you in some ways or presented the characters, mainly Brian or Justin or their relationship in a way you totally disagree. I know it‘s crazy how some stories can get on your nerves because in the end it‘s „just“ fiction…
This chapter… As sad as it is, but I really love that they made this decision together and most important after they really talked it though. This is also something which I missed in the show! But yeah, I know, same old story – it was a TV show… You nearly made me cry with this scene when they told their boys. My heart really broke for Luke and Gus. As always – very well written, one can feel their emotions, the sadness and dispair. I'm just happy and grateful - even if the way to get there is going to be damn hard and painful - this story does not end with a death! Warmest regards!!!
Author's Response:
Yeah, but that's what makes it good "fiction" - that it touches us and stays with us even after it's over.
And yes, some things never getting mentioned again just annoyed the hell out of me and I figured I'd try to give those things some mention in my stories to give them the ending/credit they deserve ;) I hope people won't be disappointed!
This universe is supposed to show a more grown up Brian and Justin compared to the show, so hopefully they would have learned a couple of things about relationships by now, mainly how important communication is ;) And I am pretty sure that after everything they've been through, they both know by now that they can't make big decisions on their own, but need to make them together.
Yes, the time for tissues isn't over yet, but as you mentioned, there is no death in my story. I couldn't do that...
Thanks for your comment :)
Date: Nov 27, 2019 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14
Hi again! What a sad but also again wonderful written chapter. And there are no words to describe how much I love Gus and Luke and how you let them behave. These scenes, first between Luke and Brian, and then between Justin and Gus, they are so cute and amazing!
Do you plan to go to this „Back to Babylon“-Meeting? I was so happy about it because they‘ll come to Europe. But then I saw the prizes and was, to be honest, a little bit shocked, I didn‘t expected it to be so expensive… And I would have loved to see Randy and Gale live for once… Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yeah, I love Gus and Luke as well. Those two are really too cute for words :) I will admit that the two scenes with them at the beginning of the chapter are some of my favourites I have ever written :)
I have to admit that I had to google what you were talking about *lol* I am really not in the fandom much, except for writing stories and had no idea about that convention. Then I saw it was in London and I was like: YAY! London is just a short 40 minute hop on the plane and my company has an office there, so I could most likely even expense it as a business trip if I go a day or two early (my boss is really great that way!). And then I saw the prices and wow, I have to say those are crazy expensive.
I have been to many, many conventions in the Lord of the Rings fandom (my original fandom) and have met most of the Lord of the Rings actors (at conventions and outside of them), I have even been to Comic conventions and met big Hollywood stars there (from the Marvel movies for example) and I have never had to pay that much money. Just wow!
So no, most likely I won't go, unless they will announce way more guests, way more activities, etc. I was talking to a friend of mine who is a Queer as Folk fan as well and we agreed that only if we like all of what they will offer, we might consider going for the cheapest ticket option...
And to be fair, announcing actors a year in advance when their schedule can still change and they have no idea yet if they might get an offer for a play or new role only screams for disaster as they will most likely cancel :( So no, for now it's a no from me...
Thanks for your comment! More will be up later :)
Date: Dec 03, 2019 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15
Hi again! Altough it continues to be so heartbreaking, you still manage, that we readers get out of this chapter with some reasonably good feelings. It's good to see that they stick together as a family. Not just Justin and Brian, everyone else has grown up too. And that‘s so good to see and also important in this situation. It's hard to imagine what it would be like if Michael were still there... Oh, Brian, you can‘t die... What should I do without you... Luckily, they do not have to deal with such a reaction. I feel so sorry for Gus and Luke, but it's good to see that everyone takes care of them as well. Great chapter!
I‘ve never been to a convention, so I really don‘t know what to expect... Will there be only this question & answer session and then pictures will be taken and autographed? I'm still thinking about it ... Berlin London would be possible and maybe I'll never get the chance to see them once... On the other hand, the last days I‘ve watched a few of earlier cons and I got the impression that they don‘t like to do this very much. And then, when they were asked about the series, they couldn‘t remember many details and Gale and Randy admitted in one of these cons that they‘ve never quite seen the whole show theirself, just some scenes. And we fans know every scene, every detail, everythink they've spoken... :-) I‘ve to admit, I fear I would feel a little bit like Michael and his obsession about Captain Astro... :-) Hm, I think I‘ve to think a little bit more about it.
So, have a great week and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, despite the painful circumstances they find themselves in, this chapter was quite a comforting one. It is always good to know that you're not alone and that you have people around you that love you and will support you no matter what. It's good that the family will be there to support them in whatever way they can :)
I love that you mention Michael and his totally egoistical reaction to Brian's testicular cancer. It was about Brian having cancer and possibly dying and in pure Michael fashion he made it all about himself: What will I do if you die? How will I go on without you? Not a single word about Brian and how he was feeling with the diagnosis. I wanted to show how different their friends and family are now and how different/more grown up their reactions would be, which is why I made it a point to have Ted speak up with the simple: What can we do to help?
It's not about them, it's about Brian and his family and how they can support them. Michael could learn a lot from Ted when it comes to being a good friend...
Gus and Luke will be okay, they have many people around them that love them and will take care of them when Brian and Justin can't - a knowledge that will give both Brian and Justin great comfort.
Oh, you've never been to a convention? I can only speak about Lord of the Rings and Comic Conventions, but they are great fun :) I love the whole feel and atmosphere of having so many people in one place that all love the same thing and share the same interests. Luckily enough, I have many real life friends who are just as big nerds as I am and we always go together and have a real good time at conventions.
Usually there is a Q&A, a photo op and an autograph session. Sometimes, depending on the convention, there might be several talks, several photo Ops. From what I understood here, they will have separate Q&As with the actors individually and one with them together, but I am not sure really how this company handles their conventions.
Oh, you're from Berlin? I love Berlin. Have been many times for the Berlin Film Festival and will go again soon for a friend's wedding <3
That is one of my biggest worries as well: Compared to many other actors at other conventions, they don't seem to enjoy themselves. They don't seem to like the Q&As, they don't seem to like the Photo Ops and paying 100 Euro (or whatever) for a pic and they won't even smile - I don't think so... If you attend a convention as a star, you have a duty to make it enjoyable for your fans - in my opinion. You go home with a huge salary, it's work, so bring your best! Just sitting around sulking, making it obvious that you don't want to be there - it's just not good enough for me. And not at those prices :(
And I have been to conventions where I have met Hollywood stars for less (Jeremy Renner from the Marvel movies for 50 bucks, Mads Mikkelsen for 40 bucks, Elijah Wood for 60 bucks), to premieres and plays (Matt Bomer, Ryan Reynolds, Tom Hiddleston, Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen for free, etc.) and they all made sure that you as a fan would feel special and good while meeting them... Unfortunately, I have quite come to expect that as standard now *lol* And I just don't see that in them at these conventions which makes me scared a bit as well that spending that much money might end in a huge disappointment.
Like I said, I might decide spontaneously. At this point, I'd only say yes if they get Peter Paige and Scott Lowell as well - those two are great with fans and would be amazing to meet, I am sure :)
Date: Mar 08, 2020 Title: Chapter 28: Chapter 28
Hi there! Oh, you‘re killing me here... They all can‘t seem to catch a break! So painful... I really suffered with Brian, asked myself why isn't Justin calling and got really nervous. And really, Justin? The battery died? I mean, there are other ways to call from a hospital than your own cell phone ... Hm, but that's just a small detail... And I totally agree with Brian... „They all deserved a break" Hopefully things are going better now! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Me? What, no? I wouldn't dare ;)
Well, Justin was woken up in the middle of the night and immediately rushed to the hospital. He didn't get enough sleep, was worried about his baby - clearly not thinking straight, poor guy! We shouldn't be too hard on him ;)
At least it looks like Vicky will be alright and I agree with you: They all deserve a break! Hopefully they will get it soon...
Thanks for your comment, more will be up soon :)
Date: Dec 11, 2019 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16
Hi! Again, what a wonderful sensitive chapter! And I feel so terribly sorry for them. If I were Justin, I wouldn't want to leave Brian's side, too - one night before this big surgery. On the other hand, yes, the kids need him too ...So, I really love your solution for this situation... That Justin can't fall asleep and sneaks up to Brian into the clinic. So cute...
"I just wish... that we... that I... hadn't wasted so much time," - so heartbreaking, but Justin's right, it doesn't matter anymore. The important thing is that they have found each other again. Unthinkable, if Brian would have been alone with the kids in this situation .... and it's good to see that the family's there for Justin... I'm so curious... Hopefully, the surgery went well!
No, I've really never been to a con. I guess, I've never been so much interested in the actors so far. It's more about the characters they represent and the story behind. And I've been always more crazy about musicians, but it's a long time ago since I've wanted autographs... You're also german so you know them... the last autograph I got, was from Campino and it had been in 1989... As I said, it's been a long time... Oh, now I feel very old :-) and I think, I'm also more crazy about Brian and Justin, but on the other hand, I would love to see Gale and Randy, but there are so many arguments against it... Like we both agreed, it didn't seem as if they had much fun so far on cons and I think it's a little bit too expensive just to sit in one room with them, asking questions, in which they probably not really interested in, making photos, getting autographs... Don't get me wrong, I can understand, that they want to get paid for it. On the other hand, as I said, it's London, it's not so far away... Yeah, Berlin, sounds a bit arrogant maybe, but I wouldn't want to live in Germany in any other city. But I'm very worried about the political situation in Germany. As soon as the AFD in Berlin or nationwide should become one of the strongest parties, one should seriously consider emigrating ... We wrote about this last year already, I must admit, I've forgotten, where did you come from?
Looking forward to Sunday :-) Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, this chapter was to show that it's not only hard for Brian, but for Justin as well and unfortunately, this was not the last time he will feel torn between being there for Brian and being there for his children. It's not an easy situation for anyone involved :(
I am glad you liked Justin going back to the hospital - it was really the only thing that worked in my mind when I thought about the night before the surgery.
Being confronted by your own mortality makes you look back on life and brings your regrets to the forefront of your mind - poor Brian. Guilt is the last thing he needs on top of everything else, so it's a good thing that Justin immediately tried to dispel those feelings.
I like that the family is there for Justin - it shows how much they have all grown in recent years and how much they have all changed from what they were like at the beginning of this universe. They are a strong, united family unit now which is exactly what Brian, Justin and the boys will need to make it through this ordeal.
Oh, I love the Toten Hosen. I grew up with their music and Die Ärzte. Loved Campino soooo much and think he has a really charismatic voice. I really like their music and appreciate all their Anti-Nazi work!
I totally understand what you're saying about the AFD. It scares me shitless to see 23% of people in certain states voting for a right wing party. I can only shake my head and ask myself if they really went through the same school system I went through... Because if there is one thing I learned over and over in school it's: Nazis bad!
I am from a town called Nordhorn in the Grafschaft Bentheim in the North-West on the Dutch border. I went to University in Osnabrück which is about 80km away and the biggest town in our area. It's really the middle of nowhere *lol*
Thankfully the AFD only barely managed to make the 5% mark in our area and Münster, the only district in Germany where they didn't make the 5% in the last general election is very close by as well which made me kind of proud *lol* In our area the AFD isn't a big problem, but I have a cousin living in Halle/Saale and the things she tells me, it's scary... Scary times all over the world it seems :(
Well, more will be up tomorrow, hopefully that will give us a distraction from the sad state of reality for a while ;)
Date: Dec 17, 2019 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17
Hi! And again, what a heartbreaking chapter...
I really like the way you brought up the „unfinished hospital situation" from S2. Now, finally Justin knows the truth about Brian‘s daily nightly visits. Funny, that you imagined Brian to be as restless as Justin. I always imagine Brian to sit there, nearly aphasic, for the these three horrible days.
Oh, and what terrible news about Brian. But at least the surgery went well. And as I judge you and Brian ;-) , he'll make it without the constant oxygen. He‘s a fighter and he has so much loving support! But what about M? Nobody asked for M...
And thanks, at least there is one small funny moment. So cute... „He seems a bit confused and is talking about the weather" :-)
Ah, now I remembered, you told me last year already that you had lived in Osnabrück. Yeah, Die Toten Hosen... I also grew up with their music. When I was 16, I completely fell in love with punk, independent and alternative music. Has shaped and influenced me very much in my thinking and acting until today. In the last Berlin election, the AFD managed to make about 14% and this is so scary, although I'm afraid it could get worse next time. I totally agree with you. I can also only shake my head. I just don‘t get it... How can people vote for a party, that sows so much hate? A party, which I think is dangerous and would deprive us of so much freedom?
So, have a nice week! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
It was about time that Justin found out about Brian being at the hospital every night back then.
Yes, I was thinking about the apathic Brian we saw at the end of season 1 sitting with Mikey, but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't really see Brian being like that for much longer than the initial shock. I don't know, to me Brian has always been someone who does things and fixes them and doesn't just sit around and wait and the way I see his character, I thought that the waiting and not being able to do anything would drive him crazy after a while and he would need to do something to fix things... Of course everyone might see him differently and fair enough, but that was just my image of Brian during those days: Once the shock started to wear off, he would become agitated and would need something to do/to fix.
Yes, the surgery went well and everything else will take time and lots of rest, care and therapy. As for M, we'll find out about M in the next chapter. M was not forgotten about, but this was about Brian and everyone being worried about him ;)
I thought some humour could only help to lighten the mood. And I just imagined a nurse hearing him ask for "Sunshine" and not knowing what to make of it *lol*
I will never understand people that vote for the AFD - if you vote AFD, you are supporting a right wing agenda. Everyone who says: Oh, I vote AFD to protest against the established parties is just lying. If you vote for the AFD, you vote for Höcke and Gauland and all those idiots who are just Nazis! If you vote AFD, you are voting for Nazi sympathisers and those people won't get any understanding or tolerance from me. I have no patience and understanding for all those "concerned citizens"...
I am sure that if "Ronny" in Sachsen couldn't finish Hauptschule and can't get a job because he doesn't have a leaving certificate then it's the fault of immigrants. How dare those immigrants have a leaving certificate, maybe even a degree?!? I have always been of the belief that if you're unhappy with your life, it's for you to get off your ass and make changes, but I guess for many people it's just way easier to blame someone else and to complain about the government not doing enough for them...
Anyway, thanks for your comment :) I hope you had lovely holidays with your loved ones!
Date: Jan 01, 2020 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Hi again! When I read the first few lines, I thought there would be complications ... Fortunately, I was wrong. They really have gone through so much already and suffered enough. And the next few weeks won't be any easier ...
Thanks for another chapter which is very well written and so sensitive. I really love that you always describe situations in such great detail. For example how Brian wakes up, his thoughts, feelings ... Or this scene with Gus and Luke when they visit Brian for the first time after surgery... They're both cute in their own ways. I just love that Gus is asking for M. And the way you describe Luke's fears of all the machines and also his fear to hurt Brian, and Brian's reaction, the way he calms Luke so caringly, is just amazing. One just want to hug and cuddle Luke!
Warmest regards and a happy and wonderful new year!
Author's Response:
I know I am evil, but I wouldn't be that evil. They have already suffered enough and sadly the next few weeks won't be any easier what with the chemo starting soon... We can only hope that better times will be ahead for them.
I love that scene with Gus and Luke. Both of them dealing in their own way with their daddy's condition and poor Luke being so scared and intimidated by it all. You just want to give them both a good, long hug.
Thanks for your comment and happy new year to you, too :)
Date: Jan 01, 2020 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19
Hi again! I can only agree to everything you‘ve wrote about the AFD and the people who vote for them! One can only hope that some of the voters will change their minds and wake up in time before things get worse ...
So, thanks for another wonderful chapter! Not quite the Christmas which the are used to but in their situation their making the best of it. And I love that Brian and Justin get some time of their own and also try to let their kids have the most of it!
As I read this chapter, I became aware again of how terrible their situation is. They finally wanted to experience this moment of birth together and now this is absolutely not possible. In addition, the condition of their baby will create more guilt in Brian. They will need therapy again, which is normal in this situation. Friends of mine went through this and I know that until today they have problems to completely leave these feelings behind although they went through therapy.
Oh Jeez, how you described the birth and everything and Justin‘s feelings and all.. This is so heartbreaking, so painful and sad, but.. „she is a fighter" - how can she not be a fighter with those Dads! Warmest regards!!
Author's Response:
Yes, their situation is a horrible one. So many plans and none of it will come to pass. Like you said, this will create more guilt for Brian as he will blame himself and we know that Brian doesn't deal well with guilt :( He only wanted to give Justin a nice pregnancy and birth, so Justin could finally share those experiences with him and now it has all gone so wrong because of Brian's health. So yes, that will definitely be another bad thing coming their way on top of everything else ...
She is a fighter and she will continue to be one - I promise! I have actually based her experiences on a real preemie in Germany that was the youngest preemie to ever be born and survive (at least at the time in the early 2000's). She was born in week 22 and she ended up in my aunt's kindergarten. When I was a student at university, studying to become a teacher, I read a lot of my aunt's reports on her progress and met her a couple of times during internships. She grew up to be a healthy, smart girl and is on her way to university now. The only problems she ever had were her eyes and she had to wear glasses all her life, but that's it... Quite amazing for a baby born at week 22.
Yes, poor Justin. I really want to give him a hug. He deserves one :(
Thanks for your comment. More will be up soon! :)
Date: Jan 12, 2020 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20
Hi again! Sorry, this time just a short review. I‘ve been pretty busy these last days. A very emotional chapter ... I can understand both so well. Brian who wants to hear the full truth about M and Justin who worries about everyone anyway and wants to spare Brian a little. But it's good that he finally tells Brian the full truth even if it‘s painful. So Brian may be a little prepared for what he‘ll see. although I think it will still shock him totally.
While writing this I just noticed! M has no name yet! I'm curious about what you or they‘ll choose...
A wonderful written chapter! Thanks very much for sharing this story! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, both points of views are understandable and it was only a matter of time before they would clash. Thankfully they were able to work it out between themselves pretty quickly...
We'll see what it will be like when Brian sees the baby for the first time, though it might not happen as soon as people would expect *hides*
No, M has no name yet. With her being born that early and the last few weeks having been all about figuring out what to do and Brian's health, there hasn't been much time yet for Brian and Justin to think of a name. But don't worry, she won't be without a name for long. We'll find out soon ;)
More will be up soon! Thanks for your comment :) And hopefully you'll have a less busy week next week :)
Date: Jan 17, 2020 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21
Hi again! Unfortunately my week wasn‘t less busy, but with work and two kids... :-) So, I'm happy it's weekend!
Victoria Rose Kinney Taylor - what a great name for their little girl! And very appropriate in this situation... She will make it, she is a winner! Yeah, and I‘m very curious about Brian‘s reaction when he sees her for the first time. I‘ve asked myself... Is he trying to delay the moment or can't he see her yet to protect himself in his weakened state or because their little daughter would be too vulnerable because of pathogens and such stuff?
Jeez, Brian and Justin are having a hard time anyway, and then this idiot has to show up and cause discontent and anger. I really like the way you let Justin handle this situation! So far, Michael doesn‘t know about their daughter... I really hope it stays this way!
Another great chapter! Like always, very well written! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Ah, I am sorry to hear that you had another stressful week, but yeah, I understand. Sometimes that's just life :( Enjoy your weekend!
I quite like the name myself, so I am glad that everyone else likes her name as well :) I think Brian and Justin did well choosing this one for her. And like you said, she is a winner!
As for Brian seeing her for the first time: You are on to something... We will definitely find out more about why he's not been to see her yet. Is there a real reason for it (then why doesn't Justin know?) or is he just trying to delay? What's going on? Hmmm.... For now let's just say that Brian's mental state is not what it should be and that definitely plays a role in why he hasn't seen her yet :(
Yes, Michael chose the worst time possible to reappear :( On top of everything else he's the last thing they need to deal with right now. Thankfully Justin took over and dealt with him, taking one thing off Brian's plate. We all know only too well that Justin can very well handle Michael and it was time that Brian saw that as well. Go, Justin! :)
Thanks for your comment - more will be up soon :)
Date: Jan 23, 2020 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22
Hi again! Another great chapter, so very well written! And Jeez, poor poor Brian! You let him go through a lot! Hopefully, it's getting better with time. And I've to say, you'd made me really curious about the reasons Brian haven't seen his little girl so far. I can imagine that he'll really have a big breakdown. And because of his physically state he can't just run away. Which is good, but I could imagine that Brian won't know how to deal with all the pain and guilt... And Justin is so brave and strong! Oh my, I want to hug them both! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Awwww, thank you :)
Yes, poor Brian indeed. I feel quite bad for everything I am putting him through, believe it or not. And Justin as well because he has to sit by and watch the man he loves go through all of that...
We will find out soon why Brian hasn't been to see Vicky yet. That conversation is coming up soon.
But yeah, you are on the right track with your assessment of Brian and where his emotional state is at right now.
Justin once again surprises with his strength and unwavering support for Brian :) He is a keeper, that's for sure!
Thanks for your comment :)
Date: Jan 30, 2020 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23
Hi! And again, a beautiful, but also very sad chapter. As always, amazing writing-style. I‘m always astounished, how you capture every detail. Of course Brian would worry about his "flawless" body and of course Justin wouldn't care. And of course Brian wouldn't want Justin to give up sex, but it's more likely that here the old Brian comes to light ... But that's and never has been Justin's "pain management" or his way to deal with things. Great chapter! I just love the way you let them behave with one another and communicate. Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Awwww, thank you :)
Yes, it shouldn't have come as a surprise that Brian would be bothered by a scar like that and that Justin wouldn't care at all. I am pretty sure that under normal circumstances Brian would even have known that Justin wouldn't give a shit about a scar, but with everything going on right now and his emotional state being what it is, he unfortunately forgot who Justin is and who they are as a couple...
Hopefully Justin was able to remind him :)
To be honest, I quite like their conversations and interactions as well. They are my favourite pieces of a story to write. Maybe because a lot of times the show just reduced their interactions to sex and that was it, I don't know, but I love to write conversations between them and to show them in every day, normal situations, you know?
More will be up soon :)
Date: Feb 13, 2020 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24
Hi again! Sorry for the delay of the review, we‘ve got a canadian exchange student since nearly one week and I haven‘t got much time. As nice as this is, it‘s also a little bit exhausting! I haven‘t found the time to read your latest chapter. Maybe today, but first the review.
I totally agree that the show sadly not only reduced their interactions mostly to sex, but also reduced the conversations per se. As we both said before, many things and topics were left unfinished. So, yeah, I really like how you let them talk, interact and behave with each other. And here, in this chapter, I'm very, very happy that Debbie and Jennifer have taken on the task of making Brian aware that it may be time to see his little daughter. Justin has already so much to deal with, so it‘s good that the Grandmas talk some sense into Brian! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
No need to apologise - I know all about a busy private life, so don't worry about it! And have fun with your Canadian exchange student. That must be a very interesting experience. I went to Canada two years ago and found Canadians to be very nice :) Have you ever been?
I just figured that poor Justin already had enough on his plate and had enough to worry about, so for once it was their support system that would not only support Brian, but Justin as well and take care of this, so he would have one less thing to worry about ;) And we all know that Brian better act fast if the grandmothers complain about something ;)
Thanks for your comment! Enjoy your time with the exchange student :)
Date: Feb 16, 2020 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25
Hi! No, unfortunately I‘ve never been to Canada. My son was there last autumn for three month and now, the canadian boy is with us. He‘s very nice, polite and interested. Unfortunately my son got sick five days after his arrival, so we‘re currently somewhat limited in our activities.
What a beautiful and (as always) great written chapter! It just fits Brian so well that he visits his daughter for the first time at one of the most impossible times. Luckily he meets Maggie, who already knows about him through Justin (also very fiting ;-) ) and is very understanding ans sensitive.
I really hope that Brian won't make a big scene with Justin. It was definitely not right of Justin not to speak about the surgery, but I can totally understand why he hadn‘t told Brian. Brian would‘ve felt even more guilty and possibly withdrawn even more. And if he‘d visited his daughter earlier and not after 3.5 weeks, he would have be aware of the situation. Well, a discussion will be inevitable, but I'm sure that the two will survive this crisis and then they can finally visit their little daughter together! Warmest regards
Author's Response:
Ah, too bad about your son getting sick. I hope he'll be better soon and that you'll be able to do some nice things with your guest :)
Well, Brian is Brian ;) If he gets something in his head and wants to do it, he'll do it right away, not caring if there might be rules or problems along the way *lol* Just kidding, thankfully it all worked out and he got to see Victoria :)
We will find out about Brian's reaction in the next chapter. He had some time to think about what Justin did, so we can only hope that by the time they get to talk, he'll have realised that Justin meant no harm... We'll see...
Thanks for your comment :) More will be up soon!
Date: Feb 28, 2020 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26
Hi there! Well, my son was sicker than we first thought. After a week of fever, he even had to take antibiotics, but he will go back to school next Monday!
Again, I‘m behind with my reviews... That was a real beautiful chapter. I really thought there would be a bigger discussion between them, but of course, on one hand Brian had time to think a little bit about everything and on the other hand, he isn‘t the old Brian anymore, he‘s matured and wiser. Beautiful, how you let them handle such things! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Oh God, poor boy. It's good to know that he's better now and things will go back to normal soon. I am glad to hear it :)
No, he isn't the old Brian anymore and being sick has also taught him the important lesson of not wasting what little energy he has. As you mentioned, he had time to think about Justin's reasons, he had time to think about his own behaviour and knowing how he has matured and changed over the years, he knew that a big fight would have been a waste of energy, especially since he played his own part in making Justin act the way he did.
They have both grown up and especially Brian has changed into a more reasonable, mature man. Good for him :)
Thanks for your comment!
Date: Feb 28, 2020 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27
Hi again! Oh, my heart broke for Brian! He‘s already been through so much... Hopefully the worst will soon be over and things will brighten up. I‘m just so glad, that he isn‘t alone in this situation and fortunately, he can accept Justin's closeness and help. Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, it seems like poor Brian really can't seem to catch a break :(
We can only hope that the bad news will be over soon and they can finally start moving forward as a family!
At least he's not closing out Justin and allows him to help in whatever way he can.
Thanks for your comment. More will be up soon :)