Membership status: Member
Bio:
This story is set in the fictional world of Gilead (from the Handmaid's Tale). Don't worry if you don't know anything about that world, I will explain before the first chapter.
Five years after Justin has fled Gilead he receives an unexpected call that will change his life forever.
In this story Justin is with Ethan (I know, don't kill me! I promise it won't be like that forever and I promise that Ethan is not the bad guy here!). They didn't meet in season 2, in this story they only met after Justin had fled Gilead.
This story is finished and will be updated once a week!
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Brian Kinney, Craig Taylor, Daphne Chanders, Emmett Honeycutt, Ethan Gold, Gus Marcus-Peterson, Justin Taylor, Michael Novotny
Tags: 100k+ Word Count, Anti-Michael, Getting Back Together, Justin/Other, Mental Health Issues, Torture
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst w/ Happy Ending, Cross-Over
Pairings: Brian/Justin, Justin/Ethan
Series: None
Chapters: 30 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 118711 Read Count: 24550
Date: Mar 03, 2021 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Oh no, don't worry, you didn't make me feel odd or bad ... I'm happy for you that you have such a good relationship with your grandparents and parents and that you are able to talk to them about everything so openly and that your parents also took you to those events! That‘s great! I didn't had a bad childhood, but like I said, things like that weren't talked about much. For example, I coincidentally found out at the age of about 30 that my grandpa wasn't my real grandpa at all. My mom is very good at repressing or she just doesn't want to talk about things like that. Anyway, for me this man was my grandpa... (I think those familiy situations were quite normal because of World War II). I grew up in a more conservative house, my father was a police officer and I think he always voted for the CDU. but then there was this other side too. Do you know "Mary and Gordy"? My dad had two records of them and I listened to them a lot as a child maybe around 10. Funny, I understood that they were dressing up as women, but I had no idea about homosexuality. I was more influenced by my later school days and my friends at that time. I remember arguments with my father because I once skipped school to take part in a demonstration against the Republicans (in case any American is reading this, it‘s a German Party). But my father has changed a lot since then. For example, we can get upset about Trump together and nowadays we can also have normal conversations about German politic. I don‘t know, maybe in my case, it was growing up in Berlin, and also in a not very religious household, listening to punk and alternative music since I was 16... I think we‘re all not completely free from prejudice, but I try to go through life as openly as possible and to accept everyone for who he / she is. And I never gave it much thoughts if someone I know was gay or a lesbian. And I have two sons. If one of them is gay... so what... the most important thing is to be happy!
I totally forgot... I wanted to say something about Ethan. I also didn‘t hate him and I totally agree that this storyline was important for Justin‘s development. I didn't like this whole cheating story either and it always has such a bad aftertaste to me that Justin tried to be back with Brian so fast. Maybe it would have been good to be alone for a while... But, hej, it‘s a TV Show and I think we all wanted to see them back together as fast as possible. :-) For me the main focus was on the subject of "honesty" no matter if you have a monogamous or a non-monogamous relationship. You have to be honest so that both can decide what they want and if they could live with that.
So, this chapter! The truth is out and Justin's still good at running away... :-) Actually I don't feel like laughing at all. But, I'm glad that Justin told Brian the truth. Again, he's lucky to have such a good friend in Daphne. she's helping him and demanding honesty even in a difficult situation. But back to Brian. My heart is breaking for him and on the one hand I think it's not okay of Justin to run away and leave Brian alone with his questions, his pain, maybe also his anger... On the other hand it's maybe good to be alone after hearing this, to have the opportunity to think about it... But I feel so sorry for Brian, he's so alone at this moment... The way I judge Brian, he will be happy for Justin - even if it breaks his own heart - and won't blame him. So sad... And, I know it takes time, but Justin already instinctively knows the truth... "Like I was finally alive again" - Oh, I love this sentence! Very well written as always ;-) Looking forward to Sunday! Warmest regards and stay healthy!
Date: Mar 12, 2021 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Hey there! Because of the update, your answer to my review is unfortunately gone... just like chapter 9. I could give you a review on mw but I would like to stay here, so I'll just wait until you upload chapter 9 again! Warmest regards!
Date: Mar 12, 2021 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Hi there! Wow, you've been around a lot and seen a lot. I never dared venture that far into the world! ;-) I believe that the best way to break down prejudices is to get to know different people also from other cultures or countries! At least, through my work as a study assistant in the hospital, I have the opportunity to get to know a lot of different people, not just patients, we always have guest doctors or doctoral students from other countries with us.
Another heartbreaking chapter with painful revelations. I didn't expect anything else from Craig, but Michael? You know by now that I don't like Michael very much, but that he would act that way... On the other hand, I can well imagine him to behave in such an opportunistic way. Sometimes there is more cruelty in the ideas or images that certain words or phrases evoke in us. That phrase "That would have been too quick and easy" let me shudder. What had they done to Brian...
I wish Brian hadn't asked Em if Justin loves Ethan. Perhaps it would have been enough if he'd asked if Justin is happy. But maybe it wouldn't have made this big of a difference. My heart is sooo breaking for Brian. Hopefully he doesn't start wishing that he had died. There's still Gus... and some day there also will be Justin again. Please Brian, don't start losing hope!
I'm so looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy!
Author's Response:
Too bad that my reply to your previous comment was gone :( I guess these things just happen!
Yeah, I have always been very interested in travelling the world and going to other countries. Living in other countries has always been a dream of mine. As part of my English studies, I had to study abroad in an English-speaking country, so going to the US was a dream come true at the time.
When I left Germany in 2013 to move to Ireland, I'll never forget my grandma's rection: I told her I was going to move away to Ireland, but would still come to visit, etc. She started crying, but happy tears which totally surprised me. She then hugged me and said: I always knew you would leave Germany. You're not made for a life in Germany. You need to experience the world. Apparently, she knew me better than I knew myself and always knew that I would move away at one point.
My mom was more conflicted about me moving away at the time ;)
To be fair, that's the advantage to being single. I was able to just pick up my life and leave. If you have a family, kids, it becomes so much harder. So yeah, I am glad I took the opportunity when I was able to.
Your work and the contacts you have through it sound really interesting as well - meeting people from other countries, backgrounds, etc. has always been one of the greatest pleasures of my life :)
Back to the story: I know this might have been a bit surprising where Michael is concerned, but my dislike for his character just won here ;) He's always been a little weasel to me and I just enjoyed making him the bad one here. And he showed signs of "conservatism" and being in support of cleaning up Liberty Avenue, etc on the show as well to some degree, so it was just an easy choice to turn him into a bad guy here.
I promise that we will find out what happened to Brian in Gilead - the whole story! All will be revealed...
I feel your pain - my heart is breaking for poor Brian as well. After everything he has been through, he didn't deserve this new blow :(
You're right, there's still Gus and Gus will become a very important part in Brian's life and the story moving forward. Hopefully, Brian can focus on Gus and he and Justin can start building a relationship from there... Or not? *evil grin*
As always, thanks very much for your comment. It's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow! Stay safe!
Date: Mar 15, 2021 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10
Hi again! Yeah, it‘s sad, that your reply is gone (it was such a long one), but I've already read it on Saturday! What a great reaction from your grandma. Maybe that's also the difference between us. I think not only my parents would have reacted terrible if I would have went away so far, but also at least one of my grandmas would habe been so worried. She always was scared or worried... My eldest son will be 18 next year and I really try to be prepared because he already mentioned that he maybe wants to study in Basel. So, kids have to make their own experiences and go their own way but for parents I think it's always hard.
Oh, this chapter made me really angry of Justin and his behavior (although I understand that those steps are necessary for your story and its development ;-) ). But after all they went through together, it's so absolutely not fair how he is treating Brian. He‘s a coward! Although I think his real reasons are so obvious and I also think the only time he was really honest in this chapter was when he told Ethan that he should stop pushing him into his ex-boyfriends arms. Because we all know, and I think deep down inside Justin knows himself what could, will happen if he spends more time with Brian, because I don't think that they could be just friends... But to ignore him is just such a pathetic behavior, yes even cruel. And I think he should have really thought himself about the money situation. I mean, I can understand that he's afraid of losing Gus, but he should have offered the money which is Brians money to Brian by himself. And also regarding Gus I think, Brian's totally in his rights - Gus is his son! He has risked his life for both of them and Justin has to deal with the fact that Brian might want to live with Gus. He can't just ignore this. Of course I want Ethan to just go away and the three of them live happily together :-) , but the facts are not like that at the moment. One possibility would be that Gus would live with Brian for a week and the other with Ethan and Justin ... Justin's objection to Brian's emotional state isn't entirely wrong, of course. So far we have learned little about it. Brian behaves so normal. Does he have nightmares? Does he have physical problems? An important part is also to talk to Gus, to maybe let him have a say in whatever decision will be made. Thankfully, Ethan and Justin didn't adopt Gus. They haven‘t, have they? Would that even be possible? I have to admit I have no idea.
It's so heartbreaking to imagine Brian all by himself, so alone after what he went through. And I think he's really brave to confront Justin - we have seen through his sarcasm how hard this was for him.
I really would like to know what Ethan really thinks about all this. I mean, if he loved the person he lost at least a bit like Justin loved Brian, then he must be aware of what this could mean for their relationship... Maybe he even knows better than Justin at this moment...
And it‘s not so important, but I asked myself, Ethan and Justin, they are monogamous, aren‘t they? You see, you really moved me with this chapter. It was so heartbreaking and intense... such a difficult situation... Can‘t wait until Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Oh yeah, it's harder on the parents than on the child that moves away. But I am sure you will be fine, if he decides to move to Basel. Just think of all the vacations you can take visiting him :)
I can totally understand your anger at Justin's behaviour! The way he behaves towards Brian is wrong on soooo many levels and Brian would have really deserved better from Justin. Then again, I think Justin is really confused and unable to cope with Brian's reappearance. We all know that he still loves Brian, we know how he himself described the kiss and I think it scares him that he loves Brian like that when he feels like he should be loyal to Ethan, who he has built a life with in recent years. He's just really torn at the moment.
Let's just say that things won't get easier for Justin anytime soon. Poor guy will be torn between his feelings for Brian and his feelings for Ethan for quite a bit to come :/
I agree, Brian and Justin couldn't be friends and unfortunately, that's something that will become very clear in upcoming chapters.
As for the money, I am sure Justin didn't mean to hold back Brian's money on purpose. I think he honestly hasn't thought about it, being so torn by his own feelings and emotions. He should have thought about it, but I think with everything going on, he just forgot :(
And as for Gus - I agree: Brian is Gus' father and if Brian wants Gus to live with him, there isn't much that Justin can do against it. No, Justin and Ethan didn't adopt Gus. For the sake of this story Justin has custody of Gus, kind of a legal guardianship, but he has not adopted Gus. Now that Brian is back, of course Brian as his biological parent would have a right to custody as well.
We will hear from Gus soon about his thoughts concerning staying with Brian.
Brian's mental state will become a bigger part of this story soon. Justin's concerns aren't totally unfounded, let's put it that way. Brian has been through an unbelievable ordeal and of course that will show in some ways. We'll soon find out how :(
You bring up a very interesting point about Ethan: For now he's trying to be the voice of reason, trying to get Justin to be reasonable, but I agree with you, he must be aware of how deep Justin's love for Brian ran and still runs. He can't be blind to that, can he? Well, we'll find out...
And yes, Justin and Ethan are monogamous.
As you can see, lots of different plot points will develop more soon and the story will move forward now that everyone is over the first shock of Brian still being alive and showing up in Toronto.
As usual, thanks very much for your long review :) It's much appreciated! Stay safe and more will be up tomorrow!
Date: Mar 22, 2021 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11
Which vacations? There never will be any vacations again... (heul) ;-) No, don't take me too serious. Today the politicians meet again to talk about further steps and it won't be good ones because the numbers going up again. It's so depressing...
This chapter... Oh, what can I say.. I'm so disappointed of Justin. I can't really understand why he's so scared of completely losing Gus to Brian. He should have a little more faith in Gus, too. Gus is still very young, but I‘m sure he wouldn't be okay with Brian forbidding him to continue seeing Justin and Ethan (if he moved in with Brian) - just like the other way around. He wouldn't also accept it, if Justin would forbide him to see Brian. They have to find a solution and as I wrote before, up to a certain limit they have to include Gus in those decisions. With that money Brian could easily move into a bigger apartement where Gus could have his own room. "One can only hope" - Justin is right ... He should be totally ashamed of those words and thoughts. He's selfish and cruel. And I‘m even more disappointed of the way Justin treats Brian. He loved him sooo much and now it seems as if there are no feelings left. He mentioned it himself, Brian has nearly no one left, he went through hell those last years and now he is so alone and Justin doesn't seem to care. When he went to Brian to give him those papers, he didn't even ask Brian how he is doing, he didn‘t aks if he needs any help with anything or help to cope with this new situation in Canada after going through hell in Gilead, he doesn‘t even want to know what happened to Brian, what he‘s been through!!! He just gives him those papers, wants to pay him back that fucking money and fears to lose Gus. How selfish and cruel!!! Time goes by since Brian returned and he doesn't spend any time with Brian and at least tries to be a friend (even if we know that this is probably not possible). At the moment I can't imagine how they will get together again and I'm really curious how you'll manage this (and I‘m looking forward to this part of the story). Again, just like the last one this chapter made me really sad and really disappointed of Justin. If it wouldn't be for Ethan being the voice of reason, there maybe would even be a fight about Gus, and that's so wrong after everything Brian went through. Shame on you, Justin.
And I'm so curious how this night will went which Gus will spend at Brian's. In my imagination, Brian will have such nightmares, that Gus has to call Justin and Justin would come and finally be there for Brian, crying his eyes out and apologize to him because he wasn't there for him earlier... haha :-) Why isn't it already Sunday? Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
My grandfather will get his vaccine on Monday, so I am really happy about that :) As for the meeting between Angela Merkel and the "Länderchefs" - wow... can you be any worse at doing your job? It's embarrassing by now to see how much influence the industry has. We can close schools, we can forbid people from meeting other people, etc. but god forbid, we actually force the industry to do mandatory testing in their factories or to give people an extra day off - NO! All of Germany will collapse because of one additional day off.
I am not saying that the whole idea was well-thought through, but to see them go back after just 12 hours the way they did last week was really embarrassing :( And I am shocked that they still have found no way to stop people from going to Mallorca. In Ireland, the United Kingdom, Spain and several other countries in Europe there are rules in place that forbid people from leaving their towns, counties or states without an essential reason. In Ireland you have to pay a 2000 Euro fine if you leave Ireland without an essential reason (meaning for touristic purposes to go travelling). But in Germany? Well, we saved Lufthansa and Tui with tax money, but there is no way we can stop them from adding 300 flights to Mallorca and selling every last seat on those flights. It's really embarrassing to watch by now :(
But what can you do? It's a Superwahljahr and not pissing of your voter base is more important than actually introducing some rules that might make sense...
Back to the story: I know that everyone is very disappointed with Justin. So am I :( Can we just blame it on him being totally overwhelmed by everything that's going on right now? No? Yeah, I thought so...
You know how the saying goes: It'll get worse before it gets better, so I am afraid to say that there will be some more drama coming Brian's and Justin's way before we get to a stage of them working everything out...
As for your projections for the night Gus will spend at Brian's place: You are very spot on about some part of it, but wrong about some other part of it. That's all I can say for now ;)
More will be up tomorrow :) As always, thanks for your lovely comment - it's much appreciated! Stay safe! :)
Date: Mar 29, 2021 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12
Hej there! Yes, I'm also slowly don't understand our politicians no more. But it already started for me with the penultimate conference of the "Länderchefs". And I believe that if Merkel had her way, we would have a much tougher lockdown here in Germany. I'm definitely not a CDU voter, but I don't envy her for her job at the moment. Last week, after she apologized, I looked at how she faced the questions in the Bundestag. There is simply no such thing as one solution. Just one example: On the one hand she was reproached for taking on so many new debts, on the other hand she was asked where the money was for the people. We have a federal state system. If she would abolish the power of the Bundesländer, she would be accused of transforming Germany into a dictatorship .... I really think it's not so easy and as you said, we have a "Superwahljahr". But it's getting more and more annoying. And most of all, I was annoyed that you can't visit relatives in Germany, but we could all get on the plane and meet at Mallorca...
So, this chapter... The beginning was just how I imagined it :-) Then, I got a little bit angry with Justin again. Okay, I can understand that he's maybe a little bit angry at Brian for not considering that something like this could happen, but I wish he would be a little bit more concerned and not angry. I wish he would have spend more time with Brian and maybe helped him already. Justin in particular should know how one can suffer after traumatic experiences. And even if he's in a different relationship right now, I didn't think he'd leave Brian alone like that. And even if he doesn't yet know exactly what Brian had to go through in Gilead, he must realize that it was nothing nice. Ahrggg. Then finally you gave us a little moment... A little prove that there's still something there, so thanks for the little break, I needed this, but to be honest, I'm a little bit disappointed about Justin again. It shouldn't be Brian‘s naked body which confuses Justin... :-) (but who wouldn't be...) ... it should be Brian! But no, Justin, meanwhile, has fun with Ethan instead of worrying about the man he loved dearly and who risked his life for him and Gus, who was punished for allowing them to escape successfully and live a carefree life in Canada (with Brian's money). And now I fear Justin will try either to forbid Brian to have Gus overnight or to put pressure on him to start a therapy. I can only hope that Justin will talk to Ethan about it and that Ethan will continue to be the voice of reason and keep Justin from exerting too much pressure. That wouldn't work well on Brian and would probably aggravate the situation. Really exciting story (even if it comes a little bit at the expense of Justin's character ;-) ) And by the way, my heart is breaking a little bit imagining Brian calling Justin still "sunshine" Really looking forward to Sunday, stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I totally agree with what you said about Angela Merkel - I wouldn't want to be her either. It is so obvious that she wants tougher measures but that the "Länderchefs" are stopping her. What a way to end her 16-year chancellorship. I am sure she would have loved a more quiet last year ;)
Don't worry - you can be angry with Justin all you want. He deserves it in this story. After making Brian the bad guy in the Back for Good universe, I thought Justin deserved to be the bad guy as well for once ;) Kidding!
I know that Justin's actions are hard to understand and seem very unlike Justin right now, but I think at the moment he's just really overwhelmed by Brian's reappearance. Is that an excuse for his behaviour? No way... But he has been through very traumatic experiences as well, they all have been and this is just a new shock on top of everything else and I think in his mind he's trying to deal with it as best as he can.
He probably really thinks that he's making things easier for Brian by staying away and not pushing his new relationship with Ethan and the fact that they are not a couple any longer and won't be one in Brian's face. I don't think he has bad intentions, he's just overwhelmed by what's going on and making very unfortunate decisions...
That scene between Brian and Justin after they left the bedroom... other scenes before... I think we all know how Justin really feels about Brian. The question is: Will he admit it to himself? And if yes: When?
Until then Justin will do what he has done for years and will focus on Gus' well-being and will make Gus his priority. It will give him something to focus on so he won't have to confront his own feelings for Brian and Ethan. Will that lead to more trouble? Most likely...
We all know how Brian feels about Justin, the question is: How much of Justin's behaviour can he take before it will be too much? After everything he has been through... after everything he has most likely hoped and dreamed for only to now find a completely different reality to that...
I know this is not an easy, happy story, so thanks for giving it a chance anyway and for staying with it :) I promise things will get better... after they get worse... but they will get better :)
As always I really appreciate your thoughtful comment! Thanks for taking the time to share your feedback. It means the world to me :)
More will be up later tonight. Have a happy Easter and stay safe :)
Date: Apr 07, 2021 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13
Hej there! I forgot the last time to ask... Did your grandfather take the vaccination well? Which vaccine did he get? My first vaccination was with Astra Zeneca at the beginning of March, but after all this back and forth I am so confused that I won‘t let them vaccinate me with it a second time...
Oh man, Justin really continues to behave impossibly. I really want to shake some sense into him. The situation is difficult for Brian anyway, to go into this house where Justin lives with another man and his son, to get to know this other man, to see how he is a kind of father to his son and then he has to listen to Justin spreading this bullshit that he is not allowed to buy Gus some things...
„As far as the law is concerned, you‘re still dead" - Really? That was low, Justin. And I totally agree with Ethan, that it also wasn‘t smart. And furthermore, it was cruel. To some extent, I can understand Justin‘s concerns letting Gus stay overnight with Brian having those nightmares, but there would be better ways to deal with it. He shouldn‘t make threats, he should offer his help, he should be concerned - this is Brian! The man who did anything, who risked everything for Justin to be alive. I really hope there is someone soon who can put some sense into Justin - he should really think about what he owes Brian, what he maybe would have went through if not for Brian sacrificing himself. He could have lost everything, he could have been tortured, he could have died, And Justin now reacts jealous and worried that Brian could hurt / change his little safe world. Surely, I want them to get back together, but I really hope, after all the pain Brian not only suffered through Gilead but now also suffers because of Justin, Brian gets a really good lawyer who will put Justin a little bit in his place. Am I evil, now that I want Justin to also suffer a little bit? On the other hand, those last chapters made me really sad... to see them behaving in such a way to each other or better especially how Justin is treating Brian, really breaks my heart. And you know, in your answers to my reviews you write, that Justin maybe is overwhelmed, is maybe confused and has no bad intentions, and I believe you, but Justin doesn't come across like that in the chapters so far. It would be good to get a glimpse of his thoughts
Oh, and don‘t worry, I love your story, I won‘t turn away. Without a bit of drama, a story would be boring - so this time Justin is to blame - that‘s okay :-) Looking forward to Sunday, stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
My grandfather got the BioNTech vaccine and was really well afterwards. No side effects at all. Same for my aunt who works as a nurse and already got it in January. The rest of my family (one other aunt and two cousins) both got the AstraZeneca vaccine as well as they are all working in essential jobs and apart from some slight fever and some flu like symptoms on the first day after the vaccination all of them are fine :)
They will also all take the second jab with AstraZeneca as well. Most reports from around the world and the trials show that with AstraZeneca the first jab has the worst side effects and the second jab is handled a lot better by most people. With BioNTech it seems to be the other way round. Most people are fine after the first jab but have side effects after the second.
The people I know (the family mentioned above, a co-worker from work, my best friend's sister) will mostly take the second jab from AstraZeneca as well because so far there haven't been any studies released that prove how effective a first jab with AstraZeneca and then a second jab with another vaccine will be while there is plenty of proof about how effective two AstraZeneca jabs are.
I was very, very confused by the Stiko's recommendation to get the second jab with another vaccine. There is no scientific proof of that being effective and no other country in the world is doing this. Only Germany - without any scientific proof at all. It's just weird that the Stiko would announce something like that without having numbers to prove their point - in my opinion at least.
Personally, I would take AstraZeneca in a second. I will admit that if I had the choice, I would prefer one of the mRNA vaccines, but since I doubt I will have much choice, I will take whatever they offer me when it comes to that point ;) I am just that desperate for the vaccine lol. And despite the media attention and all, this is still a very rare side effect. Of course, I wouldn't want to be the one person to get that thrombosis, but with every medicine we take, there are these chances of side effects and we take them anyway... Like I said, I just want the vaccine at this point ;)
But I totally get that this is a very difficult decision for everyone who has already had their first jab and I can't blame you for not wanting a second AstraZeneca jab. At the end of the day, it's a personal decision that everyone needs to make for themselves, weighing the risks and all!
Back to the story: You are welcome to shake any sense into Justin! Feel free to and good luck! I completely support you :)
I know that Justin's behaviour is bad and I promise it won't be like this forever. Things will change, but as said before: They will get worse before they get better.
We will also find out more about Justin's motivations at a later point and don't worry, he won't just get away with this behaviour. It will have consequences for him.
Justin is very much aware of everything Brian has done for him which really, I think is more part of the problem than of the solution here. I also think that deep down Justin thinks he's doing this only to protect Gus and to do what's best for Gus. It's misguided and wrong and we can only wait for him to reach the point where he realises that himself. Where he will see himself that he's doing more harm than good by trying to "protect" Gus from Brian in this way.
And Justin now reacts jealous and worried that Brian could hurt / change his little safe world.
And here you have hit the nail on the head! Justin has spent years to try to move on from Brian's "death" and to build a new life and now Brian is back and solely with his presence is threatening the life Justin has built for himself (and Gus). Once again, that's not an excuse, but it might be part of the explanation for his behaviour.
I promise Justin will have to explain his behaviour and I promise he won't just get away with it. There will be consequences.
Thanks for your comment. As always, it's much appreciated and I really love reading your thoughts about this story! More will be up tomorrow :)
Stay safe and don't worry too much about the vaccines - at least you already have the first jab which is a good start and already offers some protection :)
Date: Apr 13, 2021 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14
Hi there! Yes, everything you wrote about the vaccinations and the second vaccination is correct, but somehow I am still not feeling well at the thought of having myself vaccinated a second time with Astra Zeneca. I'm already 47 years old, I smoke ... hm ... And I've probably just been working in neurosurgery for far too long... ïŠ I see exactly these clinical pictures here. And too often I think, hopefully I don't have an aneurysm or a cerebral hemorrhage. But I still have six weeks to think about it and listen to opinions and then build my own...
This chapter... First of all, I totally disagree with Justin. In my opinion, Gus isn't too young to hear about lawyers and the possibility of a court hearing. And i also can understand that Brian wants to be honest with Gus. What surprised me anyway is that he hasn't already asked Justin about his relationship with his father. I mean, he was around seven when they were forced to split up, they were more or less together until he was 7 years old, he saw how deeply Justin mourned Brian, and Ethan has only been in the picture for two years... so ... I am surprised that he has not yet talked to Justin about it or asked him about it
Oh man, they are in a totally difficult situation anyway, but with these nightmares you make it even more difficult for them ... Ui, now I might make myself unpopular with other readers... In the last few reviews I have almost exclusively expressed my anger over Justin's impossible behavior, but this time I have to say that I agree with him a little. I have two children of my own and if I imagine that one of my boys at the age of 12 would have spent the nights with someone who had terrible nightmares like Brian, I probably wouldn't have agreed with that either. Justin knows himself what it is like to have such nightmares and he also knows that Brian had these nightmares both in the hospital and also the one night Gus spent with him so far. So he has to assume that Brian could have those any night. And it's not about Brian possibly hurting Gus, but it can't be good for a twelve-year-old child to be alone in this situation and see his father like this every night. So, what I want to express is, that this is a difficult situation and I can understand that Justin can't just let it got and the best would be if Brian would be reasonable and did something about it. But what also annoys me and makes me sad about it is that Justin should know better. He knows Brian, he knows the Brian Kinney manual and he should know that trying to pressure Brian like this won't help and won't get anywhere. In doing so, he achieves the opposite. He should know that he would have to act differently. And the "old Justin" would certainly have behaved differently. It's so sad. I have absolutely no idea about the law and legal process, and I don't know how a judge would rule in this situation. Brian is Gus' biological father and I think he should clearly have custody, but wouldn't a judge make it a condition that Brian should go to therapy? I'm really excited to see how it goes on in this regard ...
Emmett ... Oh yeah, that could have worked. I mean, you reminded us how lonely Brian is ... The only people he knows in Canada are Justin, Gus, Daphne and Em ... So sad. I was really hoping Brian would open up to Emmett because I think Emmett has the gift of being impartial.. I think he would be able to be a friend for both Justin and Brian in this situation and he would stand by Brian and give him honest and good advice. I really hope more will develop here...
So, looking forward to Sunday, stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Oh, I totally understand about the AstraZeneca vaccine and your worries there. And especially with your job, I can understand how that would only worry you more. As said before, it's a very difficult decision and I don't envy anyone who is in that position right now. Maybe I should be glad that it will be at least another month or two before I will even be up for a first shot... By then they will hopefully have figured out what to do and who to give what vaccine to. For the moment, Ireland is only giving AstraZeneca to over 60 year olds as well, so maybe my chances of getting the BioNTech vaccine have now gone up ;)
I agree, I also think that Gus is old enough to be told about these things. First of all because it involves him and this whole argument is about him and who he should spend time with and secondly because as a 12 year old, he can understand these things if explained properly to him. I have always been a fan of treating children with honesty and not lying to them and I will stand by that. As a former primary school teacher, I have seen again and again how resilient kids can be and most of all, how much they understand even if they're not being told the truth. Kids can look right through adults on the best of days.
As for why he has not spoken to Justin about his relationship with Brian: I think Gus understands that things have changed and Justin is now with Ethan. He has been living with Justin and Ethan for two years now and they have become his surrogate fathers. On a certain level Gus probably understands that there is no place for Brian in Justin's life in the capacity of boyfriend/partner. As for why is he not talking to Justin in general about Brian's reappearance? I think he knows what a sore topic Brian is for Justin right now, so he'll rather not bring up Brian more than needs be... sad but true :(
You might make yourself unpopular with other readers, but you're making yourself very popular with me :) I am glad you're seeing some of Justin's concerns regarding the nightmares.
I will totally agree that Justin is going about it all wrong and that he should know better how to get Brian to get the help he needs instead of just pushing the wrong buttons over and over again. But deep down some of his behaviour is coming from real concern over these nightmares. He has been plagued by nightmares himself after his prom, he knows how they can impact you and due to working through the loss of Brian, he has learned that dealing with and talking about your traumas is way healthier than just ignoring it and trying to move on.
He is going about it all the wrong way, but he's coming from the right place. Brian has been through some unimaginable things in Gilead (which we'll find out about at a later point), is plagued by nightmares of that time and obviously needs help to deal with what happened. And yes, he is also concerned about the effect seeing his father have these nightmares will have on Gus. Justin has been the one who picked up the call and had to listen to a crying and scared Gus, he's the one that held and hugged a crying and scared Gus and got him to go back to sleep that night. Yes, Gus might have been alright the next day and afterwards, but Justin was the one who saw that Gus was not okay that night and his first priority right now is to make sure that Gus is alright and won't have to go through that again.
Once again, Justin is going about it all the wrong way and should know that he won't reach Brian that way, but his concern for Gus and the effect his dad's nightmares will have on the boy is real!
As for the law and legal process - we'll unfortunately move in that direction very soon :( We will find out and you raise a good point about what a judge might say to all of this when presented with the evidence from both sides...Unfortunately, custody issues are hardly ever resolved without problems and this one won't be any different :(
But, I promise it will only be a couple more chapters before we start moving in the right direction. We are quickly coming to the worst point in this story and will then be able to move on in the right direction. I promise! Just hang on for a bit longer ;)
Emmett - I love him! He's such a good friend :) And I agree with you, he would be a friend to both Brian and Justin without taking anyone's sides. And he's coming from a real place of concern and worry as well. He saw his best friend not being able to deal with the trauma Gilead has caused in his life and he doesn't want to lose Brian the same way he lost Ted. He wants to help his friend, unfortunately Brian is not at a point yet to accept that help :(
Thanks as always for your very insightful comment :) It's much appreciated! Stay safe! More will be up tomorrow :)
Date: Apr 20, 2021 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15
Hello! I was a bit disappointed that a year has now passed. A year in which, of course, a lot happened in Brian's life and probably some things that had to happen in order for him to have a chance in court and that of course also makes perfect sense for your story. And I'm also happy for Brian that he has achieved so much in such a short time. On the other hand, I'm so so sad and disappointed that so little happened between Brian and Justin. I still have troubles getting into this Justin's shoes. I still have problems that he doesn't seem to care at least a bit about Brian, his great love, with whom he had spent so many years, had experienced so much... you know, if they already would have broken up in Gilead okay, but they were forced apart... He seems to have so easily forgotten about Brian. No more feelings ... A happy new relationship with Ethan ... Leaving Brian by himself, not caring for him in any way. That he didn't even try to be a friend to him ... for a whole year!
I really wish you had given us a little glimpse into Justin's world of thoughts and feelings. Be it in a conversation with Daphne, Emmett or even Ethan. How has he fared this year? Does he really have no internal conflict? Doesn't he really long for Brian a bit? Isn't he really wondering how Brian is doing? Doesn't he really feel the slightest guilt for leaving Brian so alone? Isn't he really wondering what Brian went through in Gilead? There was this kiss at the hospital... "Felt so fucking good. Like I was finally alive again" And he also told Daphne that he never stopped loving Brian... But how can he treat him like this... Is he abstaining from Brian - so that he does not get into a conflict? I know I repeat myself with my criticism of Justin. I think I just can't handle the fact that he leads this relationship with another man so naturally without apparently having the slightest doubt. I know you wrote a couple of times that he built a new life, but I still find it unimaginable that he struck Brian out of his life so completely especially after what happened to Brian. I am still really curious how you will solve this and I think I would have wished for a slower process, in which one would have noticed, for example, that Justin is more torn inside between his feelings for Ethan and Brian.
So now we come to the process. That seems to become the worst and saddest point. Even if Brian has already achieved a lot, which will certainly support him in the process to get custody, he has not changed anything about the one thing that bothered Justin in particular, or at least in one point. He has not changed anything regarding his mental state, he hasn't dealt with his experiences in Gilead and, for example, started a therapy. He's likely going to keep having these nightmares ... And Justin is going to make that very point...
Can't wait for Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I know the jump ahead of a full year might have bothered some, but it needed to happen. Brian couldn't have gone and fought for custody of Gus without having a job and an income, etc. These were just natural things that he knew needed to happen before he could hire a lawyer, even Justin had told him that much and let's just say I saved us all a few chapters of the same old same old by jumping ahead a bit ;)
I am understanding your criticism of Justin and you're not alone with it, but I feel like I have to stick up for him a bit at this point ;) I know that people would have loved for him to just break up with Ethan and go back and reunite with Brian and yes, I would have loved that too, but I will honestly say that wouldn't have been realistic at all. At least not to me. And it would have been pretty boring and a lot less drama lol.
I know that many people think that Justin behaves cold towards Brian, but really, he's just trying to keep his distance and do what he feels is best for Gus. He feels like he is protecting Gus from potentially very traumatic experiences. Justin has never stopped Brian from seeing Gus completely. He's just drawn a very clear line at overnight visits due to Brian's nightmares.
I know he threatened once in an argument, but who hasn't said stuff they never meant in an argument?
And like you so rightly said: Brian knows that his nightmares are the one thing that bother Justin and as far as we know, Brian has done nothing about them. Justin has asked him to get help, go to therapy or whatever, but as far as we know Brian hasn't done that and I am sorry to say, but that is on Brian, not Justin. Now we can argue whether Justin has a right to demand something like that or not, but as mentioned before: He's just trying to protect Gus. Something he has done for years and a role he is familiar with.
I promise that we will find out more about Justin's thoughts soon. Very soon. The story will be shifting towards his point of view more from now on. The first half of the story was mostly about Brian and his experiences arriving and settling in Toronto, but there will be a shift very soon and Justin will start to play a bigger part again which also includes his thoughts and feelings.
Though (and I am very aware that I am saying this from the author's view, knowing how the story will end, etc.) I have to say that I think Justin has already given us very good hints into some of his thought process. A lot of those you mentioned in your comment: The kiss and how he later described it to Daphne (and I am absolutely sure if asked now, he would still feel the same about that kiss), how he told Daphne that he has never stopped loving Brian, etc.
He told Brian why he stopped visiting him at the hospital and why he didn't come and see him once he was released: He knew that Brian would be hurt about his relationship with Ethan and he didn't want to make things harder on Brian, so he stayed away.
We talked about Justin maybe suffering from survivor's guilt and while I won't confirm or deny at this point, it touches on a very important aspect: We can't forget that Justin has also been highly traumatised in his young life. And yes, he is still very young! When Brian and Justin fled from Gilead, he was barely 24, hadn't finished school and all of a sudden found himself to be the father of a boy that was not his son. He was in his mid-twenties and took on that responsibility despite having just lost the love of his life, his mother and sister (very important people in his life) and many close friends including his surrogate mom. And even before all the trauma of fleeing from Gilead and life in Gilead happened, Justin had already been bashed by Chris Hobbs and had nearly died.
I am not trying to make excuses for Justin, but I think we need to take into account how traumatic his life has been so far and why he might be clinging on to his "happiness" with Ethan even more because of that. He might have finally found some semblance of peace and maybe even some happiness after years of grieving and being in pain and then Brian shows up and without ever intending to starts to threaten all of that.
Also for the record: Justin tried to get Brian to talk about his nightmare, even talked about his own experience with nightmares as a reference, but it was Brian who pushed him away back that night. I am not saying that Justin couldn't have done more afterwards, but Brian also played his part and didn't let Justin in when he offered support.
And really, at this point in time they are exes. How close are most people with their exes? I know they didn't just break up and the situation is a lot more complicated than that, but it doesn't change that they are not a couple anymore.
It's a complicated situation that won't improve with the custody battle :( A lot will happen in the next chapters, many things will be set in motion and I hope that by the time all of that is over, people might understand Justin a bit better.
At this point I feel a bit sorry for him as well - he is trying to protect Gus and is indirectly pushing Brian to get help. Maybe he is trying too hard, maybe he is not trying the right way, maybe he has gone too far. But the question is: Why is he trying so hard to protect Gus? Could it be so that he has a distraction and won't have to confront some other unwelcome thoughts and feelings?
Is he abstaining from Brian - so that he does not get into a conflict?
I won't say yes or no at this point because it's not that easy, unfortunately, but I will say: You are onto something. Just like you were onto something back when you realised the meaning behind Justin's joke to Ethan about pushing him back into his ex boyfriend's arms.
I promise we can have this conversation again in a couple of chapter's time, but right now, I feel like I would spoil too much, so I am just asking for a bit more patience :) I promise there will be more focus on Justin's thoughts in the next chapters.
As always, thanks very much for your very insightful comment. I really love reading your thoughts! More will be up tomorrow :) Stay safe!
Date: Apr 26, 2021 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16
Hi! Thanks for your long answer. I understand and agree with most of it, even already wrote some of those things in my reviews... Brian needed some stability, so some time had to pass... Justin mainly forbid those nightly overstays for reasons I agree... and Justin can't just throw himself in Brian's arms and break up with Ethan right away, because then there wouldn't be a story or it would be already finished. And I really like stories with excitement, a little pain and such stuff. But for me it's still hard to imagine that Justin - the way I see him and imagine him to be - would have really managed to treat Brian like that. You wrote "it wouldn't have been realistic", and that's exactly what I asked myself time and time again. What would be realistic in such a situation? But it doesn't matter, because in the end, it's fiction, there is no right or wrong and yeah, so why not... - he must have really strong feelings for Ethan. And henceforth I'll try to accept this and be patient. It's strange, in "Back for good" I really didn't like what Brian had done, but I could understand it, I was somehow able to empathize with him. This time it's so much harder for me to accept Justin's behavior. And I really don't want you to spoil too much. You wrote that we will find out more about Justin's thoughts soon and I'm really looking forward to it!
Now, this chapter! It just leaves me sooooo sad... To see them at this point. And I haven't expected any other decision of the judge. And from Justin's point of view I can also understand that he "spied" on Brian, because as I mentioned in an earlier review, I can totally understand his concerns about those nightmares and what they would do with Gus if he had to witness them. And I'm sure Brian isn't honest when he says they only happen a couple of nights a month. I could well imagine them to happen nearly every night. But nevertheless, it's sad and I also totally understand Brian's hurt about this revelation. And you made it absolutely clear, that Justin was not happy either to see himself forced to take this step and about the results. From Brian's point of view I really don't understand how he couldn't expected it, how he could be so naive to think that this wouldn't be a topic. He knew why Justin didn't allow Gus to stay overnight. He must have known that he better should do something about it. But, yeah, he's Brian!
So, I'm so curious where you go from here! Looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I am sorry if I might have come off a bit strong in my defense of Justin in the last reply. It's just that it's a weird position to be in for me: I know what will happen in the rest of the story, I know how this story will end, so I have an unfair advantage that I am trying not to use when I reply to comments. I try to remember what it felt like when I was writing these specific chapters, but even then I already had a story outline, so knew what would happen in the end, so I am not sure I was ever at the point that you are in where I am just getting the information chapter by chapter. So apologies if my defense of Justin came off a bit strong!
It's just that these characters, even if they behave badly and do things we might not like and understand, feel like my "children" that I have to protect from criticism lol. Stupid metaphor, but you know? It feels like I made him behave like this, so people should be angry with me not him. And I know that we're talking about a fictional character, so I'll stop now before it sounds even weirder than it already does ;)
I remember how many people didn't like Brian in Back for Good at all and how you were one of the few who stuck up for him, saying you could understand why he had done what he had done. And I really appreciate that you're at least trying to understand where Justin is coming from and are trying to see his point in parts. That means a lot!
As said before: We will get to Justin's feelings more in the second half of this story. We will find out more about his feelings, emotions and his reasons for behaving the way he did. And I hope that people will be able to forgive him in the end like I did ;) And if not, we can always be Team Brian and wave the Kinney flag for this story :)
A friend of mine recently mentioned to me how much this story also reminded her of the ending of Castaway. When Tom Hanks came back from the island only to find out that his girlfriend had moved on and gotten married to another man in his absence. How disappointed we had been at the time when we watched the movie that there was no happy ending and how now, years later when we had grown up and were older, it made a lot more sense that she wouldn't just give up her new life for someone who hadn't been a part of that life for years.
I'll have to admit that I never even thought of Castaway when writing this story and it never crossed my mind until she mentioned it, but now that she has, I have been thinking about that ending a lot and I guess she's right: Now that I am older, I understand why the movie might have ended without what everyone would have considered a happy ending.
And yes, Justin loves Ethan. They have built a life together and Ethan has helped Justin as well as Gus during a really hard time in their lives. It's not something you can just ignore and throw away. At least Justin can't.
Anyway, the story will start moving in a different direction soon and I promise things will get better!
As for this chapter: The question is, was it really Justin or was it the lawyer who suggested to use the nightmares against Brian? We know from the Lindsay/Mel/Michael custody mess on the show how lawyers try to find dirty stuff on the other party and at this point it's not clear whether Justin mentioned that Brian had the nightmares in the hospital as well or if the lawyer just suggested: We need to establish a pattern here, so if we can get other people to confirm that he had the nightmares more than once...I know the final decision would have still been with Justin to use this, but maybe the lawyer made it clear that this was needed to win over the judge to their side.
I am not sure if it would make any difference to Brian, the damage has been done and he feels hurt and betrayed by Justin. But like you said: Shouldn't he have seen this coming? The nightmares were the one reason Justin always gave for why he didn't allow overnight visits. Or didn't he think Justin would go through with using them against him? Who knows...
I agree, I don't think the judge had much liberty to decide anything else under the circumstances and the question is: How will this affect Gus?
A lot will happen in the next few chapters and I am quite excited to see what people will think :)
Thanks as always for your detailed comment. It's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow! Stay safe!
Date: May 03, 2021 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17
Hi there! "and I know that we're talking about a fictional character, so I'll stop now before it sounds even weirder than it already does" - haha - I know what you mean! Do you know how often I had to pull myself together while reading some stories and tell myself that this is all just fiction... and so often I have to remind myself, that there are no Michael or Lindsay to blame, it's all Cowlip's fault. :-) And yeah, I also think for us readers it's hard to get the information chapter by chapter, but at least (and you know, I'm soooo thankful) you publish your story regularly. I think my problems with Justin and his behavior are all rooted in the fact that I just can't imagine that he would stay with another man if he could actually be with Brian. I haven't seen "castaway". I don't know, maybe I could imagine it easier with other couples ... And then Ethan ... Maybe you should have given this other man a different name. ;-) I always see Ethan in front of me and think, no way ... but of course he behaves very differently here in your story. So, enough of it. I really like your story and I'm curious what will come next ...
Oh, another hurtful chapter. Didn't you promised that it would get better... ;-) I feel so sorry for Brian and Gus. It must be terrible that they are only allowed this supervised time together. And again, I feel so angry about Justin. Brian did everything right. He listened to his son and explained the situation to him and took him to Justin and Ethan. And the accusation against Justin that he didn't call him when he noticed that Gus didn't come home is just as justified. Justin could also have got the idea that Gus had gone to Brian. That would be the first person he could have called. I also find Ethan's objection to think about why Gus did this on that day very appropriate. Maybe something happened at school... I also find it totally presumptuous of Justin to immediately suspect Brian and to accuse him of having picked up Gus and not to consider the possibility at all that Gus was the one who went to Brian. But Justin doesn't want to hear any of this. Does he have such a guilty conscience or what is wrong with him? I was almost a bit disappointed that Gus hadn't overheard this conversation, stormed out and also told Justin that he would hate him. I know of course that it's a bit childish and of course Gus doesn't neither hate Brian nor Justin, but that only Brian, who has it already a lot harder in this situation anyway, had to listen to it was painful. I really hope the next chapter is about Justin and Gus! And finally, a little bit of criticism about Brian. I really wish he'd finally realize he has a problem and probably never will get full custody of his son if he doesn't do something about it. So, looking forward to Sunday! Warmest regards and stay healthy!
Author's Response:
Haha, thanks for understanding me :)
Sometimes I have to remind myself as well: It's just fiction, they are not real people... I am glad I am not the only one who feels that way.
I know what you mean about not being able to see Justin with another man when he could be with Brian. And really, that is part of the real problem here: He tried so hard to move on after he thought Brian had died, tried so hard to have a new life and maybe he's clinging to that new life way more desperately than he should. For whatever reason.
We'll find out more from Justin's POV soon, so I promise that some of those questions will get answered!
As for Ethan: Yeah, maybe it wasn't the best idea to use him as the new partner. In hindsight, a new original character might have been the better choice, but I liked the idea of giving Justin and Ethan the kind of relationship they didn't get on the show. As I mentioned before, I never really had a problem with Ethan and the Justin/Ethan relationship and my only real problem was how Cowlip decided to end it with Ethan cheating, instead of making it about the "hiding in the closet" vs. "career" discussion... So yeah, maybe I was trying too hard to give them a real shot here and should have made Ethan an original character instead. I can totally see that as a valid point!
I promise it will getter after this chapter! Does that count? You know how they say it's always darkest before dawn? That was this chapter. This was the absolute low point in the story. I promise!!!
I agree with everything you said about the argument: Brian did the best he could in the situation, Justin should have thought that Gus might be with Brian and at the very least should have informed Brian that Gus was missing, he shouldn't have immediately accused Brian of wrongdoing, but should have listened to his explanations like Ethan did, but what can I say? Can we say that he wasn't thinking clearly because he was so worried about Gus? Yes? No? ;)
I am sure Justin will get his fair share of evil eye from Gus as well. And well deservedly...
I also agree with your opinion on Brian: He knows what he can do to stop this! He knows that Justin really only has one request, one thing he wants Brian to do and yet Brian stubbornly refuses. They are both so stubborn and angry and poor Gus got caught in the middle :(
We can only hope that they will both realise that they are doing more harm than good and that things will soon start to move in the right direction.
As always, thanks for your insightful comment and for sharing your thoughts - it's much appreciated!
More will be up tomorrow and I promise, things will start to get better soon! :)
Stay safe!
Date: May 11, 2021 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Hi there! Although it seems as if the story now turns in the direction I wanted it to go, I have to admit, that my reaction to Justin's confessions were nearly the same as Brian's. What the fuck! I'm so curious how you'll go on because I know with your other stories everything always made sense, but at the moment I'm a little bit confused. I know that unhappiness can lead to a grumbling mood and unfair behavior, but maybe it would have been good (and I mentioned this before) to let us readers been given a little bit more inside in Justin's thoughts and behaviors over this last year. For us readers it seemed as if he was in a happily relationship with Ethan not thinking or caring about Brian at all. In my opinion it would have been good if we had see some of those inner struggles he now talks about so obvious. I really liked that you mentioned how Gus treated Justin after this incident and told him he hated him (although he surely doesn't hate him), but maybe it also would have been good to made a chapter about this scene with Gus, Ethan's reactions and Justin's experience at the park where they held the ceremony for Brian. But don't take this too serious. It's not meant as criticism, it's more my thoughts...
Your description of Justin and his behavior here reminded me a little bit of the sides of Justin in the show, which I didn't liked so much. If Ethan hadn't cheated, Justin wouldn't have returned to Brian - it always leaves a bitter taste for me, although I understand that the authors wanted to show, that Brian gave Justin so much more with his honesty and actions than Ethan with his words which sometimes doesn't mean so much. If the film hadn't been canceled, Justin maybe wouldn't have returned from L.A. - and that also left a bitter taste for me. In my opinion, it was always a little too easy for Justin to come back to and fall back on Brian, although on the other hand I think that the authors wanted to show how unconditionally Brian loves Justin and lets him have his freedom and the opportunity to make his own experiences (and possibly also mistakes). - So, what was Justin thinking after this year and his behavior towards Brian, how he would react ... It would have been really strange if Brian would have reacted differently here, so as I said, I'm curious where you'll take us with that. And I'm so looking forward to it, because I think Justin is going to have to try really hard now ... Is it okay that I feel a little sorry for Ethan? ;-) Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Please, don't worry. Criticism or your own thoughts - it's what the comment section is for! And as long as it is constructive (and your comments always are!), I don't mind if it's criticsm. People have different opinions, we like different things. It's just a fact of life. And how sad would it be if we all liked exactly the same things, stories, movies, etc.
So please, don't feel bad if you point out something in a chapter that you didn't like or something that didn't make sense to you!
I admit that my stories are fully written, finished and I never make changes based on someone's comments after I start posting. Not because I don't care about the comments I receive or because I am not open to constructive criticism, but because I write the stories that I like. I write what I would like to read. And if someone feels differently about that, that's the way life goes, you know? By the time I start posting a story, I have probably read it 4-5 times, made tons of changes, etc., but it will be a finished product that I am happy with :)
I have to disagree with one thing you said though: "not thinking or caring about Brian at all". I don't think that's true. We know that Justin still cares about Brian and has cared. We saw him in the hospital, we heard how he felt about their kiss, we saw how he helped Brian the night of the nightmare. We saw how he urged Brian to get help after the episode with the nightmare. I have said before and I agree: Justin might not have chosen the best way to get Brian to do what he wanted him to do (i.e. looking for help), but why did he want Brian to get help for his nightmares and trauma? Because of Gus? Of course! But also because he wanted Brian to be well...because he cared about Brian's wellbeing!
Justin himself mentioned to Brian very early on in the story that he pulled back from him because he didn't want to hurt him any further after he told Brian about Ethan. This happens to many people after new partners enter their lives. Only few people manage to stay really close and good friends even though new partners are involved and while I know we would have all loved for Justin and Brian to be together right away or at least be friends, it's just not how I see them in this universe. Not after all the trauma they have been through, not after all they have lost respectively...
Did Justin overreact in fights with Brian? Did he overreact to some of Brian's actions (Brian filing for custody and Justin getting the info about his nightmares/ or the chapter of Gus going to Brian's office and Brian returning him home to Justin and Ethan)? Yes, he did, but I think everyone who has been through a divorce or break-up knows how easy it is to get caught up in those fights. We have the worst fights with people we love and care about, not with people we couldn't care about less. It's just human nature. If we didn't care, we wouldn't fight back so hard.
I know we can go back and forth about Justin's character, but it's not that he never cared. And after the revelations of the last chapter, we can even assume that he cared about Brian too much and was well aware of the fact that he cared about him too much and forced himself to build a barrier, forced himself to stay away from Brian because he knew that he cared too much...
I understand that people are angry with Justin for how he treated Brian, I absolutely agree with that feeling, but I can't say that I think the way he acted has anything to do with him not caring about Brian. Quite on the contrary. (Of course that's the writer in me defending him from criticism, because I made him do these things *lol* And I don't mean to argue with you, I totally understand what you're saying, just trying to explain my point of view!)
As for seeing more of Justin's struggles: As I mentioned, we will get more insight into Justin's thoughts and feelings (like we did in the last chapter) in the second half of the story, but the main focus of this story will be Brian's way back into a normal life and a new relationship with Justin. The main focus will be on Brian and how he will react to certain revelations and actions from Justin. So yeah, we will find out more about Justin's motivations, but some of it only through Brian's eyes when he finds out himself.
I know that might not be what some people are hoping for, but it's the way this story is structured :/ I apologise in advance :(
As for Gus and Justin - there will be something coming up in the next chapter. This chapter was focused on Brian and Justin. Gus will follow in the next chapter. I promise!
As for the park - yes, I thought about it, but as mentioned above, some things we will only find out through Brian's eyes when he finds out. This is one of those things.
I agree with you, on the show it was always a little too easy for Justin to come back to Brian and it won't be in this story. As Brian's reaction showed us: He is not going to forget about the last year and what happened between them and he won't just take Justin back with open arms. Something he always did on the show...
And yes, it's okay to feel sorry for Ethan - I feel really sorry for him too :( We will hear from him in the next chapter as well...
There will still be a lot of things Brian and Justin will have to figure out before they can even start to think about a relationship, it won't be easy and it won't be fast, but hopefully, they have started moving in the right direction now that Justin seems to have started to figure out his feelings ;)
As always, thanks for your insightful comment and for sharing your thoughts on the story. It's much appreciated :)
Stay healthy! :)
Date: May 20, 2021 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19
Hi! Actually, I don't want to mess around with it any longer, because it's your story and I really love it so far, but I think I have to make it clearer what I meant ... I just meant that in my opinion it would have been better if we had seen some of Justin's thoughts or doubts over that year, because we don't learn how he felt during that year. Yes, immediately upon Brian's return there was this kiss and Justin's talk to Daphne but then after the first sleepover and Brian's nightmare, we only found out that Justin had forbid further nights and had some arguments with Brian ... And I would have really found it unrealistic if he had dropped everything and gone back to Brian immediately, but in my opinion it would have been more convincing to also learn more about Justin ... was he happy, had there been moments of doubt, had he had arguments with Ethan...? That's why I wrote it seemed as if he did not think or care about Brian at all - for me as a reader it seemed that way. But now, I can also imagine that he tried to surpress his feelings. Anyway, we are where we are now - and that's good and I'm curious to find out more about Justin's insights even if it's through Brian's eyes!
So, this chapter! Things are moving fast now! But I think it's good that Justin talked to Ethan so quickly. I'm just so sorry for Gus, because it's actually he again who will initially suffer the most from the situation, right? He's now also losing Ethan, who has been a close reference person for the past three years. And of course he won't lose him, but in the current situation he has to go to three different places in order to be able to spend time with the people who mean something to him. At the point when Brian expressed these thoughts and made the decision to change something, I really hoped that he would deal with his nightmares and possible think about therapy. On the other hand, maybe to agree to the custody deal is a first step in the right direction and it's so good to see them talk without fighting, especially over Gus! Looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I think what it really comes down to is the different way of reading this: I have never not read this story in one go, you know? Even when I was writing it, I already had the complete outline and knew what would be coming in later chapters, so I think maybe Justin's feelings were always more clear to me because of the way the whole story is structured and because I always knew how it would end and how they would get there.
I totally get though that it's a very different experience if you only get to read the story chapter by chapter, piece by piece and only get the information in bits and pieces.
That might be something to take into account for future stories: Writing it and my experience with it will be completely different from the reader's final experience as they are not reading the story in one go like a novel, but in weekly bits and pieces :/
Anway, I am still glad for you reading and sharing your thoughts :) It's really nice to be able to hear what other people think and how they experience what I wrote!
As for this chapter: Yes, Justin doesn't mess around. He knew it wouldn't have been fair to Ethan to keep him in a relationship any longer when he had finally made up his mind and knew that he loved Brian and that Brian was the man he wanted to be with and have a future with. So, I think this break-up needed to happen for Ethan's sake as much as it needed to happen for Brian's sake, to prove to Brian to a degree that he really meant what he had said about loving him.
Not that it will mean that Brian will get back to him anytime soon, but well...
I can promise that Gus will continue to see Ethan and there won't be any custody issues or fights. The worst will be over for Gus now.
Haha, Brian and therapy? I am not sure that's something that will happen in my lifetime, but yeah, I know what you mean. It would have been nice if he had come to the right conclusions and had made the right choices, but well, accepting to a custody agreement is a step in the right direction and going back to their old agreement will definitely be better for Gus than the current visitation rules.
Hopefully, Brian and Justin will be able to build from that and will be able to establish a relationship that involves less fighting, more talking and in the end also some loving again ;)
As always, thanks very much for your comment and for sharing your thoughts. Some exciting things will happen in the next couple of chapters and I am really curious to see what people will think about them :)
Stay safe (by the way, did you have your second shot by now? Everyone in my family who got a first AstraZeneca shot will now get their second one with BioNTech)! More will be up tomorrow :)
Date: May 26, 2021 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20
Hej there! Yeah, maybe you're right, and it really makes a difference whether you read it in one piece or with pauses in between or whether you know the whole story or not. For me, this change of heart just came a bit suddenly, although Justin must have thought about Brian a lot over the course of this year. But as I said, we as readers do not learn anything about it... and of course I'll keep reading your story. I find it very exciting and, as always, extremely well written. That was really just a minor point of criticism in regarding the whole story!
Funny that you ask, I'll get my second vaccination tomorrow. I've been influenced by the positive press over the last two weeks and have decided on BionTech. And since I made that decision, my gut feeling has been fine with it. So tomorrow it will be BionTech. I'm curious to see if I'll have as intense reactions as I did to Astra Zeneca. In the meantime, have you had an opportunity to get a first vaccination?
This Chapter: I'm really glad that Justin went a step further here and offered Brian joint custody. That's really decent of him and Brian is totally entitled to it. I was really happy for Brian and even more so for Gus! I still understand Justin's concerns about the overnight stays. I'm not quite sure what to think about him offering Brian to spend the overnight stays at his house. But: Of course this is a very good opportunity for several things.... the three will finally be able to spend time together again (like before) ... it will give Brian and Justin the opportunity to slowly get closer to each other again and talk ... and if Brian really spends the night there, Justin will probably witness another nightmare and one can only hope that Brian will open up then... I was a little surprised at Justin's reasoning that he feared that Brian would accuse him of poorly fulfilling his role as a father. I thought he was more afraid of losing Gus to Brian. Regardless of how the conversation ended, it was another step in the right direction. Their conversations get better, more honest. I‘m really looking forward to Sunday (and maybe a first overnight stay ;-) ! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I hope that your second jab went well and you felt okay afterwards. My family is in Lower-Saxony and they weren't given a choice. It was just decided for them that it would be BioNTech and that was it ;)
No, I haven't had a vaccination yet. Ireland has vaccinated older age groups and people with pre-existing conditions first and afterwards has moved to a scheme based solely on age. They're going age group by age group which really to me is the fairest way to do this. So far, Ireland has the highest vaccine take-up in the EU and in the groups that have been vaccinated so far, 97-98% of people took the vaccine. All in all 92% of people in Ireland have said that they will take the vaccine according to surveys, so that will be really good.
They're currently vaccinating the age group 45-50. My boss is 46 and his vaccination will be on Monday. The age group 40-45 is expected to be able to sign up for their vaccination next week and usually in Ireland people are vaccinated within 2 weeks of signing up. I am 37, so I will be part of the next group after that, the 35-40 year olds. I am expecting my first vaccination at the end of June. That's the plan right now according to our ministry.
And really, when I see what's happening in Germany after they opened up the priority, I am very glad they're keeping a strict age based scheme in place here. In Germany it seems like survival of the fittest right now. The people that push the most will get their vaccine first, while the people that are nice and friendly and patiently waiting will have to wait for another month or two...
My brother got his vaccine today, he called almost 20 doctors and in the end got an appointment with a doctor 120km away after a colleague of his at work had read on a forum that that doctor also vaccinates people who are not his patients. To me that's absolutely outrageous, but what can you do? That's how the German government wants it...
I am still working from home, have done so for 15 months now, so a month more or less won't make a big difference. I have no problem taking a step back and waiting patiently until it's my time. I am 37, healthy without pre-existing conditions, so hopefully I'll be fine for another month or two until it's my time to get vaccinated ;)
Back to the story: So yeah, it looks like Brian and Justin are further moving in the right direction.
As for Justin offering Brian to spend the night with Gus at his house: I am sure he wants Brian to prove to him that the nightmares won't be a problem anymore, but I agree... it seems like he has an ulterior motive there... The question is (as it was so many times before): What the hell is Justin doing?
You raise some interesting scenarios that could happen in the next chapters. I will say that one of them is pretty spot on, but we'll see if I can still surprise you anyway ;)
A lot of things will happen in the next few chapters, so here's hoping that Brian and Justin will make it through those chapters in one piece ;)
As always, thanks for your very insightful comment. It's much appreciated!
More will be up tomorrow :) Stay safe!
Date: Jun 01, 2021 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21
Hi there! Haha, I didn't know what you mean with "lower-saxony", so I had to google it. Stupid me! Yes, this whole vaccination strategy in Germany is quite strange again. Sounds reasonable, the way the Irish do it. Here in Germany it is once again the case that, despite prioritization, people who either have no qualms or have contacts or just have luck get vaccinated ... My sister-in-law, who lives in Baden-Württemberg, saw an advertisement in the newspaper. there were 400 doses of AstraZeneca left and you should be in a certain place at a certain time. She was number 160 ...Well, I have now received my second vaccination and actually reacted also to BionTech with slight symptoms of illness. Slightly increased temperature, chills, body aches ... I just felt bad for two days and then "the spook was over" again ... :-)
So, this chapter... Oh, I can understand that Justin didn't want to manage this birthday party alone. My boys always had overnight birthday parties since they were around 8 years old with around 8 to 10 kids and I know from my own experience how fun but also how very exhausting it is. The worst thing was to get them to sleep and from a certain age on, they stated they wanted to stay up all night... Can you imagine how glad I'm that those birthdays are over.... haha :-)
Now the sad part ... You made hints about Brian being afraid that Justin could no longer love him when he realizes that Brian is no longer the same, that he is changed. You really made me angsty. As you know, I've seen the series and I know what they did to some women in Gilead. And except from his mental state and those nightmares, I was so glad that Brian seems to be physical nearly okay. He is still able to walk, to talk, he has his eyes, all fingers... But what about the rest. You make me so scared what they maybe did to him regarding other parts, his sexuality... Is he still able to have sex... I don't really expect any answers, I don't want you to spoil anything. Those are just my angsty thoughts while reading this... and I hope my imagination just overreacted...
Looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I am glad that you're doing okay, now that you've had your second vaccination!
I completely agree with you on the German vaccination strategy, then again, I am sure it's all impacted by the election coming up. If there was no election coming up and you didn't have to please everyone, it would probably be easier to tell people that no, they can't go to Mallorca yet and will have to wait another three months ;) But well, what can you do?
With that birthday sleepover, I was actually inspired by my own mom, a single mom: When I wanted to have sleepovers for my birthday or when my brother wanted sleepovers, she never liked the idea, she always tried to get me to do something else instead (my birthday is in winter, so she would suggest ice skating or something), but in the end she always gave in and we had the sleepovers. Back then I never understood how much pressure and stress she must have been under then, now I do and I am very, very grateful that she did it anyway :)
As for your concerns about Brian: I know what you're saying and I understand your fears and I think you will get some answers in the next chapter. Let's just say that I am evil and I know that I am, but am I that evil? Hmmmmmmm...
As always, thanks for your comment. It's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow!
Stay safe!
Date: Jun 10, 2021 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22
Hi! Yes, unfortunately everything is about elections in politics right now. I'm so sick of it, of these trench warfare for power. I'm so tired of it, that it never seems to be about us humans, but rather who is in power and who has the biggest mouth. For the first time, I really don't know who to vote ... I used to vote on the left, but to be honest, I didn't hear much from the Left, the Greens or the SPD during this pandemic. If so, then there was always only criticism. None of them would have done it better. When I see Lindner, I could just smash the TV ... And the three people who want to become Chancellor ... nobody convinces me either. Laschet always reminds me of a hobbit ... :-)
Wow, I really have respect for your mother. As I said, I know what an overnight party with around 10 kids means and I'm glad I didn't have to go through it alone at the time. ;-)
So, this chapter ... beautiful ... finally ... To be honest, I was expecting more drama and I'm so glad that I was wrong about my ideas ... The two really deserve a little rest now, there was enough drama. Now would be a good time to heal. I wanted to cry with them. To imagine that after seven years and so much suffering and missing they finally are given this moment together again... I really hope they work together from here.... Very well written. I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yeah, I totally know what you mean about the upcoming election. Same for me... I usually voted SPD or Greens, but like you said, not much good coming from them either.
I will never ever vote for the CDU because I totally disagree with their stance on homosexuality and their definition of what a marriage should be. I will never get people like Jens Spahn who are gay and then join a party that doesn't want gay people to have the same rights as everyone else...
I get that you might agree with their economical views, yes, but I could never ignore that they basically see you as second class citizens that don't deserve the same rights as everyone else. So there's one party that won't get my vote.
Then of course the AFD will never get my vote either, so that brings me back to the Greens and the SPD and the Left...It will be interesting to see how this will turn out in the end...
And yes, I didn't mention the FDP on purpose: I can't take them seriously at all and least of all Christian Lindner. What an idiot and "Lackaffe" as we say in German... can't stand the arrogant bastard.
Back to the story ;)
I had a feeling that people would enjoy this chapter... Guess, I was right lol.
As for the lack of drama... don't jinx it ;) You know me, you know I am evil... We'll see if this was the end of the drama and they can finally move on in the right direction oooooorrrrrr....
As always, thanks for your comment :) It's much appreciated! More will be up tomorrow!
Stay safe!
Date: Jun 16, 2021 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23
Yes, I totally agree with what you said about the CDU and I would never vote for this party in my life either. That is something I absolutely don't understand about Alice Weidel either. How can a lesbian woman be in a party like the AFD? How does that work? As you said, for me it will also be either the SPD, the Greens or the Lefts... There's still time, so we will see...
Back to your story! Haha, no, I don't think you have to go into hiding now or apply for a place in witness protection. Although, it was hard to read and I'm really feeling so sorry for Brian. He already has been through so much and now this... Even if I can understand Justin a little bit or can understand why he thinks like that, I think you just let Daphne say it very well and let her bring it to the point: "All I am hearing are an awful lot of assumptions about Brian's feelings" Because if Justin is disappointed that Brian hasn't acted yet, even though Justin told him he still loves him, Justin is just assuming too much of old Brian here. He does not realize and does not think about the fact that maybe Brian has changed too, that Brian also has doubts and fears... Sadly, he didn't give him a chance. He could have waited for Brian's reaction and downplayed it if necessary. Fortunately, Daphne is so persistent because if Daphne hadn't found out why Justin reacted so and treated Brian like he did, she wouldn't had been able to make it clear to him how wrong and yeah, mean and also cowardly that was. Justin might not would had made the decision to talk to Brian. Now hopefully they will have a conversation and one can only hope that they will open up to each other, be honest even if it maybe hurts. I'm soo looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, poor Brian - things are not getting better :/
It was about time that somebody kicked Justin's ass. I know you have been asking for Daphne's intervention for a long time and I wanted to tell you that it would come, but I didn't want to spoil too much.
At least she was able to make Justin see some sense and hopefully, he'll draw the right conclusions from their conversation.
I agree, Justin didn't give Brian much of a chance after their night together, but sometimes fear makes us do very stupid things and he was very scared that Brian would be angry with him for using him. If only he had been a bit more patient to see what Brian's reaction would have been :(
I promise they'll figure this out - eventually! ;)
As always, thanks very much for your detailed comment. It's much appreciated! More will be up in a bit (I am a bit late today, as I just returned home from a weekend trip away) :)
Date: Jun 24, 2021 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24
Hi there! A weekend trip away is a good excuse! I haven't left Berlin since nearly one year... It doesn't have to be a plane trip or something far away, but slowly I would also like to get out of here a bit again ...
Finally! What a beautiful chapter, at least towards the end! Fortunately, Justin decided to go to Brian and wait for him there! And luckily, Brian didn't bring anyone home! And I'm so happy that they were finally honest with each other. Justin opens up and explains everything to Brian at the risk of getting hurt. And Brian just takes the risk of getting involved with Justin one more time. and you reward them - finally. I hope the time of healing will finally begin and then hopefully happier days will finally come. Brian deserved it in any case (Justin, too, of course). But first Brian has to face his nightmares ... Looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yeah, it was great to get out of Dublin for a bit and to see something else for a few days. I can only recommend taking a trip for a weekend or a couple of days, if you can!
I am not planning any big plane trips for the moment. I won't get on a plane again before I am not fully vaccinated. I will definitely try to get home for Christmas again (just like last year) and hopefully, I'll be able to squeeze in another trip to see my family in September, but we'll see how the whole situation develops. With the new Delta variant, you never know :/ We might become a "Virusvariantengebiet" soon...with our connections to the UK (the border with Northern Ireland, tight economical connections, common travel area between Ireland and the UK), the Delta variant already makes up 20% of all Irish infections...
I had a feeling that people would like this chapter ;)
Yes, both boys overcame their fears and finally opened up about how they really feel! It's a beginning and definitely a step in the right direction. And yes, I promise that I won't split them up again. From hereon out, they will move forward together and will try to figure things out together :)
There will still be some issues that they need to work through, Brian's nightmares and his trauma being one of them, but they will be together for that, which is a comforting thought :)
As always, thanks very much for your comment! More will be up tomorrow :) Stay safe!
Date: Jul 02, 2021 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25
Hi! Another two and a half weeks and then I have 2.5 weeks off! But, I will probably spend my free time in Berlin. As I said, I don't need a long trip far away at the moment. Maybe a few days off, but in the current situation I don't really understand how some people have to go on a long vacation trip. Yes, the delta variant. Let's see what's in store for us. I watch the EM soccer games every now and then and I just don't understand how it can be that the stadiums are so full and one has the impression that Corona doesn't exist in the soccer world. But the artist industry is down and concerts are not allowed ... :-(
So, this chapter ... beautiful! I'm so happy for both of them ... Two things ... First, I'm really alos very happy for Gus too. He will be so happy that his two dads are finally reunited!
The second thing that crossed my mind while reading this chapter is that I am so glad that Brian is mentally and physically able to bottom. We still don't know what happened to him in Gilead and I feared some things which luckily didn't seem to have happened. As far as one can tell, I think gay men didn't survive Gilead in the Series. So many times we could see these scenes with hanged men. I was very concerned about what was being done to Brian, but it is really a relief to see that he has no problems having sex, neither to top nor to bottom. Makes me happy!
So, as always - looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Ah, that sounds great! I am sure you'll enjoy having some time off!
I agree - I don't get how a summer vacation can be so much more important than the ongoing pandemic. But as long as we can fly to Mallorca or Greece, we can tell ourselves that everything is fine...
And don't even get me started on the Euro: That England-Germany game nearly gave me nightmares. Seeing that many people, so close together and not a single mask in sight, while the country is already suffering from exploding case numbers due to the Delta variant. I have no words for that :/
And travelling all over Europe during a pandemic just to watch a football game sounds like a really, really stupid reason to catch Covid and bring it back home to your loved ones.
Awww, I am glad you liked the chapter.
I am happy for Gus as well - he has had a hard time and hopefully, he can now start moving on as well with both Brian and Justin raising him!
I know what you mean about Gilead and you're right, a lot worse has happened to homosexuals there (assuming that we are right and certain things didn't happen to Brian).
We'll find out what happened to Brian really soon and we'll also find out why some other things we might have imagined didn't happen...
Brian and Justin are on the right track - finally- and will hopefully stay happy for some time to come :)
As always, thanks for your comment! More will be up later today :)
Date: Jul 07, 2021 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26
Hi! Yes, I was pretty shocked too, especially about the audience numbers in London and Hungary. I mean, about Hungary, there isn't much that shocks me anymore, but in London??? I thought they would be more sensible there. But there's nothing like football... (that is meant sarcastically) I mean, don't get me wrong, I like to watch the European Championship and World Cup, but it doesn't have to be in the stadium under the current circumstances!!!!
So, this chapter.... Finally! I am very happy that Brian finally opened up and told Justin everything. Maybe that's enough to slowly make the nightmares go away. Because this last night Brian didn't have a nightmare. Justin's presence and closeness are good for him, maybe healing. Somehow my imagination always runs wild with me. I mean, not that what Brian experienced wasn't bad, but in my mind it was a lot worse. What I think was most terrible about it was imagining the duration. Being tormented for the duration of 5 years mainly mentally but also physically.. horrible. Michael: Well, what can I say. You already know what I think of Michael. But what I found totally bizarre were my thoughts ... without Michael Brian wouldn't be alive anymore... This is totally crazy, isn't it? I can't handle it at all ... (I need this crying and laughing emoji!)
Will this folder about Justin play a role further? And I really think they shouldn't wait too long and tell Gus the truth!
Author's Response:
It's just crazy that these people would consider football more important than the lives of other people :/ But what can you do? If the last year has proven one thing, it's that there are way too many idiots out there...
I think this chapter might have been one many people have waited for ;) Finally, we heard Brian's story and know what he wént through.
We'll hear some more about Brian's nightmares, but I agree, hopefully being with Justin and seeing that he's alive and well and not dead will help him move on from the horror of what he sees in his nightmares.
Haha, I know all about imagination and I guess I could have come up with many other things as well that Brian could have gone through, but I felt being subjected to the kind of mostly mental torture that he was put through, would be bad enough :/ Of course the physical torture was bad as well, but I am sure the mental torture, seeing Justin die in his nightmares, hearing stories about Gus hating him, thinking Justin was dead... They knew exactly what buttons to push to hurt Brian.
As far as Michael is concerned, you are right. Without Michael, Brian would have surely died, so I guess we have something to thank him for if we ever see him again...which brings us to the file on Justin: So far there are no plans to let it play any major role beyond showing that they know that he has escaped to Toronto and having Brian see it. But... I am never ruling out anything for the future, so it might play a bigger part in a sequel some day, should I go down that road ;)
Gus will find out soon, I promise :)
As always, thanks for your comment. It's much appreciated :) More will be up tomorrow!
Date: Jul 15, 2021 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27
Yes, there are too many idiots ... either they are stupid or selfish ... or both ... By the way, have you gotten your vaccination in the meantime?
This chapter ... what can I say ... I really really so love it!!! At first I was concerned that Brian would stand in his own way, that he would withdraw from Justin... Fortunately, Justin has not forgotten the Brian Kinney manual. ;-) And I so love your ideas in this chapter. The idea that Justin painted these portraits to remember and to somehow keep these people alive is, if somehow also totally sad, also totally beautiful. And also that Brian is the first and only one who Justin shows these pictures to so far is just amazing. I think you brought them so close together with this scene. They share their sadness and pain. and although it's a very sad and painful scene, it is also in some way so peaceful, quiet and beautiful. And I also love your idea with the worn t-shirt to help Brian through the night. I‘m sure it works!. Justin is really a wonderful person in this chapter and you make up for a lot with it ... ;-) What is also very well expressed in this chapter is the absolute pain that Justin went through because of the loss of Brian. Because of the little anger I felt about Justin‘s behavior I have nearly forgotten about that. So, looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Hey, yes, I got my first jab last Sunday actually. It was with Pfizer/BioNtech and everything was fine. Just a bit of a sore arm for a day or two, but no other side effects at all!
Now I am waiting for the second jab to be fully protected against the Delta variant - it's on the rise here in Ireland and our numbers are going up like crazy. Mostly in border regions close to Northern Ireland and most infections are in the 16-24 year old age bracket, but the new numbers are scary... Yesterday we cracked 1000 new cases a day for the first time since early February :/
I am glad that you liked this chapter - it's honestly one of my favourite moments in this story. Obviously - like you pointed out correctly - it's a very important moment between Brian and Justin, but yeah, just the idea of the portraits, of this being Justin's only way to remember the family he lost... I thought it was a beautiful tribute to all the people he/they lost.
And like you say, we really see Justin's pain and what he went through for the first time. I know his pain was mentioned before, I know he said himself that he had shitty years as well, but this is the first time we start to see and understand his pain and what he went through, which was important for Brian to see, just like it was important for Justin to see what Brian went through.
So yeah, all in all a chapter that brought them closer together and will hopefully help them to move on together :)
As for the shirt - we'll find out soon if it helps or not ;)
As always, thanks for your comment - it's much appreciated! More will be up tomorrow! Until then, stay safe (I guess you made it through the heavy rain last week okay? Berlin seems to have been okay from what I could see on the news)!
Date: Jul 22, 2021 Title: Chapter 28: Chapter 28
Hello! Yeah, it's really depressing. It doesn't seem to end. In Germany, the numbers have been rising again for a few days and if it continues like this, they say, it will probably be more dramatic again in autumn ... :-(
Yes, nothing of the dramatic events was noticeable here in Berlin. Last week we always had between 25 and 30 degrees and were rather happy when it rained a little. I always find it unimaginable that such tragic situations can occur only 500 km further away. Is your family well? They don't live that far away, do they? Unfortunately, with the climatic changes we have to get used to more and more to such natural events ...
This chapter! Again, so beautiful and I think it's time for them to move finally together! And to tell Gus about them! And I totally agree with you or Brian and Justin. ;-) Of course, they should look for something new together, because even if Ethan is a really nice person in your story, I understand that Brian doesn't want to live in the house where Justin and Ethan had established a mutual existence and lived their relationship. That just wouldn't feel right. Looking forward to Sunday! Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
My family was fine, thanks for asking. They are about two hours north of where the worst happened in Northrhine-Westphalia and their area "only" had a few flooded basements and cars that were washed away, but no one got injured or died there and everyone I know was fine and didn't even have to struggle with their basements or anything. Thank God! It was horrible to watch the images on TV :(
I am glad that you liked the chapter - it's finally all moving in the right direction :)
And Gus will find out soon - I promise!
Yeah, living in Justin's and Ethan's house wouldn't have done and I feel like it wouldn't have been fair to Brian either. It's a good thing that they will look for a new home - a new start all around :)
As always, thanks for your comment. More will be up tomorrow! Stay safe :)
Date: Jul 26, 2021 Title: Chapter 29: Chapter 29
It's great to read that your family is fine. I can't even imagine how it must be for some people at the moment. And when then the next rain was already announced... I saw on a weather map that Berlin will probably have to struggle more with heat and drought in the future... I get so upset when you then hear that our politicians (worldwide I mean) cannot agree on common climate goals... :-(
And again, an amazing chapter. A great idea that everyone already knew and Brian and Justin thought they were oh so careful. Haha, and you also made me laugh with that goofy smile comment. And I also think it's wonderful that Ethan is happy for them both. Would have been nice to read that he might also have met someone new. Oh, I'm so happy for the three. Oh, and one more thing ... Brian's discomfort and "preferably Justin-comment" also made me smile :-)
Stay healthy and warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I totally agree - I can't imagine what it must feel like to people in Ahrweiler for example to lose everything and then still have politicians refuse to say that something needs to be done about climate change (Laschet???). It's sad to see how he still refuses to make clear climate announcements, saying "now is not the time". Well, if not now, when? Obviously it wasn't the time in the last three years either when old white men made fun of the Fridays for future movement, belittling them as "little children" that don't know what they're doing...
I mean, I am not innocent either, living abroad and using planes to fly home and stuff. But I try to be as climate conscious as I can be and for every flight that I take, I pay extra to neutralise my carbon footprint afterwards. It's not much, but it's my part to making up for the damage I am doing. I only use green energy, I don't have a car and use public transport... small things, you know?
It's just another topic where humanity shows itself in a pretty bad light :/
Back to the story: I am glad that you liked the chapter.
I thought it would be funny if Brian and Justin hadn't been as secretive as they thought. To think that the people that know and love them would not recognise the love between them... ts ts ts...
I am sure Ethan will find a nice violin player somewhere along the way ;)
And Brian having these "Dad" talks with teenage Gus - I live for awkward scenes like that lol.
As usual, thanks very much for your comment. More will be up tomorrow :)
Date: Aug 04, 2021 Title: Chapter 30: Chapter 30
Oh, don't even start with Laschet ... And unfortunately that will probably be our next Chancellor. But maybe not, but to be honest, Baerbock ... Scholz ... ? :-( Are those really better alternatives? But when I think about it, I can't think of a current politician whom I would elect in a direct election for Chancellor ... Yes, I think , we should all just think more about our individual actions and habits and try to change things that are possible for us. I ride a bike and use public transport, but that's not a problem in Berlin either. And that sounds silly now, but I started to buy bars of soap because I think that's something I can do without ... the shower gel packaging. Well, that's not a lot at first, but as I said, we should think about all the things that we use, and think about whether there is another way. And ask ourselves if it's really necessary or if it's just habit or convenience ...
Oh, I was afraid this wonderful story might come to an end. But they're in a good place! They got their second chance and are making the most of it. They are happy and reunited as they should be. Gus has both of his fathers with him again. The idea of having this "memory room" is wonderful and I was very touched by the way you described how Gus and also Em and Daphne saw these pictures for the first time. I think that we humans remember a lot through pictures and photographs and the scene made me realize that Gus really has no pictures of his mothers. all in all an amazing story, thank you very much for it! The sadness I felt about the end of this story was taken away again with the prospect of news from the Back for Good Universe! So, looking forward to your next story! Stay healthy and warmest regards! :-)
Author's Response:
Yeah, I am not a fan of any of the candidates either, then again, I am glad that in Germany you mostly vote for a party and that a candidate can't do much that the party wouldn't support. So I have always looked at our elections as voting for a party rather than a specific candidate like, let's say in the US for example, you know?
Over there candidates even within the same party can have very different standpoints, while in Germany it's mostly similar with only small differences.
Then again, we have several parties, they have only two. I mean, the Democratic party in the US pretty much coveres what we consider the SPD, Linke, Grünen and even parts of the moderate CDU.
So yeah, even though the candidates suck, you still know what you can expect for the next four years when you vote for them (or rather their party)...
Back to the story: As always, it had to end with a happy ending. I know that sometimes I am evil and put them through a lot, but I want them to end in a good, happy place. I don't think I could leave a story with a sad ending :/
The idea for the paintings and the room came to me when I saw refugees arrive in Germany on the news and saw that sometimes they only had the clothes on their back or a single bag for the whole family.
Some of my family members are really involved in refugee support groups and some of the stories I have heard about people arriving with nothing, having fled terror with just the clothes on their backs... it made me think about all the pictures I have around my place, all the pictures I have on my phone, my laptop, etc. How I would feel if I lost those pictures.
And with Justin being an artist, that led me to the idea for the paintings and how that might help someone who doesn't have any other tokens of their loved ones to remember them by.
I am glad I am not the only one moved by that idea :)
What can I say? I just can't quit Back for Good. Whenever I think that I am done with that universe, it just pulls me back and a new idea for a story pops into my head ;)
As always, thanks very much for your comment! It's much appreciated :)
Stay safe!
When a surprise visitor shows up at Britin, life is turned upside down for the Kinney-Taylor family.
The story is finished and will be updated once a week!
Categories: QAF US
Characters: Ben Bruckner, Blake Wyzecki, Brian Kinney, Carl Horvath, Craig Taylor, Debbie Novotny, Drew Boyd, Emmett Honeycutt, Gus Marcus-Peterson, James 'Hunter' Montgomery, Jennifer Taylor, Jenny Rebecca Marcus-Peterson, Joan Kinney, Justin Taylor, Melanie Marcus, Michael Novotny, Original Character, Ted Schmidt
Tags: 100k+ Word Count, Anti-Melanie, Anti-Michael, Established Relationship, Family, Post-series
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst w/ Happy Ending, Drama
Pairings: Brian/Justin
Series: Back for Good Universe
Chapters: 42 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 160933 Read Count: 43270
Date: Mar 11, 2022 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26
Jeez, now I've read about this "don't say gay-bill" and I agree, it's horrible. It is frightening how many countries are developing in the opposite direction in this regard. I mean, it's all so backwards, but it's 2022. That's just discriminatory. And not just for the children affected... What about the children of gay couples, for example. How will they feel... Terrible
This chapter. Beautifully written - as always ;-) "I know a thing or two about broken bones and sports injuries" - that broke my heart - Now I'm very curious to see how things will go between Justin and Luke... Warmest regards and stay safe!
Author's Response:
I loved Pete Buttigeig's response to the Don't Say Gay bill. He has two children and he basically said: Does that mean that children of gay parents are not allowed to talk about their weekends with their dads or moms during morning circle when every child talks about how their weekend went? He then went on to say that being pro-family means to give every kid from every kind of family the chance to talk about their family, not just certain kids and certain families. Pro family means to be pro every family, not just certain kinds of family.
I couldn't agree more!
Seeing these things happen in 2022 makes me angry, sad and really frustrated. Gay, trans and bi children will still be born whether or not we talk about it in public or not. All we achieve with these type of bills is to take away their safe havens and places where they feel comfortable talking about who they are. This will drive children/teenagers to suicide, I have no doubt about it. I hope these people supporting these bills realise that they have blood on their hands!
The Justin/Luke talk will come up in the next chapter, I promise that this time there won't be any delay ;)
I am glad that you liked the chapter and that sentence - I put it in there for exactly that reason lol
Stay safe and optimistic! :)