I wish I could take some comfort in Brian's come-to-Jesus moment, but I can't. The damage is done and can never be undone. At this point, my hatred and disgust for these people who manipulated Justin is so deep that it isn't redeemable. Brian could go to hell in pain and suffer for eternity and it wouldn't be enough for me at this point. He stole the biggest dream Justin had ever had because he just had to be right, he had to make sure he wasn't seen as a disappointment, he had to call the shots. And when the son he shared with Justin was threatened by kidnapping, court cases, jail terms for the kidnappers, etc., Justin wasn't even an afterthought. All this and not a single person felt that Justin had any right to know.

Yep, this is pretty much a Trump situation for me at this point. And that's saying a lot. 

Brian asked Justin why he would believe Lindsay, implying that Justin should have trusted Brian to never say anything like that. But Brian held the cards. Brian had ended the relationship in one fell swoop, Brian then obviously believed the worst about Justin when he stopped seeing Gus. He wanted Justin to trust *him* but never gave a single fuck about whether *he* trusted *Justin*. Not even when he found out what Lindsay and Michael were capable of? Didn't he ever even wonder? 

There is an implied complicity on Justin's part in all this and I find that grossly unfair. Grossly. You simply cannot blame the victim here. Justin is every whit as innocent in all this as is Luke. Every whit. They were both used so Brian would not someday in the future feel like he was a disappointment. I just don't see that he did any of this for Luke or Justin. He did all this for himself. And the rest of them fell in line for whatever reason. 

And you simply can't create a Camelot around the kids by using lies and half-truths as a foundation. Lying to them about where Justin was and why he wasn't around is a pretty weak foundation for building any kind of relationship between Luke, Gus and Justin. One day, Luke WILL wonder why he wasn't as important as Justin's career, why that career was more worthy of putting five years into than he himself was, without even a phone call or birthday card. And then... that disappointment Brian was so afraid of being? Yeah, it'll slap him in the face. There's no good way to lie about this. None.  

You responded: "Honestly, I didn't even think that much about Justin picking up Gus from school. Maybe it's different cultural backgrounds, but where I am from it's quite normal that something would come at work and delay a parent and me and my friends would often go home to each other's houses after school if one parent was delayed. Often enough my grandma would be waiting after school for me as my mom couldn't leave work on time. It didn't mean our parents were putting their work before us - it is just how life goes sometimes. At least that's how we see it over here. It definitely didn't make them bad parents ;)"

Oh, no, I didn't mean that Justin shouldn't have picked up Gus. Cutural differences aside, that happens everywhere all the time. I'm talking about Brian's prospective business trip to Chicago. This is just not a good time for him to put business ahead of his family. Couldn't be a worse time. He keeps being touted as being a good father, but what I see is a man who is focused on me me me. It was Brian's fear of what Justin would eventually think about *him* that denied Luke his other father. It didn't seem to matter to Brian that he was demanding Jennifer be put in a horrible situation with her own son as long as he got what he wanted. (Yes, Jennifer should have refused Brian's request, but that's another argument.) Now we see Brian planning to put his family second at a very, very diifficult time so that he can go hand hold a client, even when he has pretty much stated that the client won't leave anyway. That's what I'm referring to. That pattern of selfish thinking and behavior doesn't make me think "good person". 

Lord, you have no idea how much I want to get into a deep analysis of morality, ethics and human behavior here! LOL. I just find it hard to distinguish the morality of Lindsay and Michael's behaviors and Brian/Jennifer/Deb/Ted's behaviors. The first two stole Brian's child - the others stole Justin's. And they *all* thought they were doing what was best for someone else.

I guess I want to ask, if Lindsay hadn't been convicted, would it have been necessary for Brian to forgive her for the sake of the child they shared together? For the sake of Christmases and birthday parties? Would they have had to get along for the sake of Gus' comfort during family dinners? Or would that be asking too much of Brian? 

And this is my dilemma, craftily brought out by your addictive story! (And yes, I overanalyze way too many things.) Seriously, though, I was discussing this with a friend of mine the other day, and she reminded me that your characters have made me think hard about a real life situation, have turned the canon traits of a character that made me love him into the very thing that makes me dislike him so much here. It's like watching a sitcom with and then without the laugh track. There can be different emotions evoked from the same story. That's an artful thing you've done. Well done. 

You replied:

"I don't believe in revenge and I don't have an ounce of vindictiveness in me."

But I'm not asking about revenge or vindictiveness. I'm asking about accountability. Holding someone accountable for their behavior is not vengeful or vindictive. It's simply demanding that others own their behaviors and make reparations to those they've injured. It is the right thing to do. It is the right thing to teach our children. It is the right thing to do for our society. It is why we have laws and social mores. I don't share your views that personal happiness is dependent upon an absolute absence of anger or an absolute need for forgiveness. Anger can be a righteous emotion and we have that emotive ability for a reason - it can be a valid emotional response on our own behalf or the behalf of others. I *will* be angry at the murderer, the rapist, the kidnapper, the racist, the homophobe, and I will feel no shame in that anger. It drives me to hold them accountable for their actions. 

Children do not learn accountability by never seeing it put into practice, by never seeing their parents - their first teachers - demand respect and fairness for themselves when others have grossly betrayed them. They do not learn to stand up for others by never seeing someone stand up for themselves. By seeing our parents demand respect for themselves from other adults, kids learn how to demand it for themselves. If they don't see their foundational teachers do so, how will they learn those things? How can they learn to stand up for others if they never learn to stand up for themselves? 

"I am very curious to see if we will ever manage to get on the same page about these characters :)"

LOL. I doubt it. We have very different world-views, I think. (Doesn't mean I can't enjoy the story, however.) I just think about who Rage is, what it was based on, and the words of Brian as he sat in Justin's living room with the 'rents. He was not confused at all that there *are* indeed lines that are impossible to uncross once they've been crossed. Expecting Justin to dilute himself, to deny his own emotional needs and his psychological system for the "sake of the family" was, in Brian's own words, hate, not love. 

Thanks for letting me philosophize about this story without taking offense. I honestly don't mean to offend at all. Just trying to wrap my head around the viewpoint. And everybody else? Just skip over all my shit here. I'm (perhaps unfortunately) one of those wordy types who love to argue the philosophy of a point until everyone else in the room yells at me to shut up or pulls out the duct tape for my mouth! Yes, that has actually happened. LOLOL 

Kathleen, I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss and am sending you love. I'm glad you are venturing back into the writing world, but please, take care of yourself first. You've been on my mind the last several days and I've been reading going back over all your stories, re-reading... Just know we're here for you. 💕

So, Brian and Justin weren't keeping the twins apart since they didn't know there was a twin! Interesting. I'm developing a theory about what happened and I soooo want to share to I see if I'm right, but don't want to ruin it if I'm right! Damn, I hate that. But the key is the surrogate... and Lindsay. Hmmm.............

I so love this kind of intrigue. And I'm going to love the holy hell that rains down on everyone when the truth of what happened comes out. Bwwaahaaaaaaaaa......... 

💃💃💃::Dancing the Never-Yeti dance in my seat here!::💃💃💃

And what the HELL was Justin thinking adding that 🐴💩 to the title of his house! 

Now that part of the mystery is solved, I wanna know where Lindsay fits into this little bag of tricks. She just seemed to know a little too much about Justin. Was she, perhaps, whispering in someone's ear, being the oh so caring art teacher and mother-of-Brian's-ONLY-child that she is? 

   "The world in which I don't want you, that doesn't exist. Okay?"
This is probably the most Brian thing I've read in a long, long time. He can't just say "I love you" or "I need you" straight out and simply. Yet, somehow, his convolution is an even more powerful statement. Love this. 

I haven't been reading much of late. Practiclly nothing, to be honest. But when I started reading this, I was soooo excited - a period piece that isn't a period piece!!! Jackpot! And now I find myself feeling so in tune with Brian - excuse me, with Egbert - and all his neuroses. When I got to this part, to his reaction to Justin eating a muffin, I could literally feel his pain. I have a (pretty common, actually) neurosis called misophonia. I have painfully painful visceral reactions to sounds like crinkling paper, eating noises, etc. Once I had to get up and walk out on a college final because the woman next to me was chewing gum. God I wanted to rush him out of the room right then! I don't have many other OCDs that are life interrupting, but that one - yeah, it's painful. 

Okay, just had to say that while it was still beating me up. Now, off to finish the chapter. 

Good Work You Two! 

LOLOL. I've gotten no further than the dishwashing part and already had to comment. My bff suffers from panic disorder, anxiety, ocd, etc... I cook for her sometimes and always offer (quite generously, I might add! LOL) to do the dishes afterwards. It's funny that she's okay with me doing the dishes, but SHE HAS TO WASH THE SINK AFTER! LOLOL... That scene with Brian here is so spot on. The difference with Brian and my friend is that he's worried more about germs... my friend is worried about brush placement, water spots, proper folding of dish towels, replacement of sink stoppers into the proper holder, alignment of stored cleaning supplies...and a partridge in a pear tree. Needless to say, she never accepts the invitations to my place. She'd have all kinds of attacks if she watched Miss Meeps drape herself across my dish drainer to drink out of the faucet... 😂 

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU BOTH!!!!! As you know, Tag, I already bought it, and now that the election is over (OH MY GOD THE ANGST, THE ANGST!) I actually have time to read! You made your mama proud!

(I knew them when!)

Roni

Oh, we'll crowd fund that sucker! LOL. 

Loved this. And yes, this is the way it should have gone. Thank  you for my smile of the day! 

Whew! This was... difficult. And very good. I've been out the the loop for the most part for quite a few months, and just happened upon this one first time back in. Good thing I'm an angst ho.

I'm also one of those who firmly believe that B/J is the one true ship fit to sail. But... I have no problem with well written, in character (as much as possible) stories where they are not together. That was the problem I had with Simon's stories (The Other Foot, particularly) for the most part - the Justin characterization was selfish and childish, and the Brian characterization was totally self-consumed. That is so far outside of canon as to be from a whole other tv show altogether. Thanks for fixing at least a part of it for me. 

I have written, read, loved stories where B/J are not together, or are with other people, but neither one is cruel to the other. For what it's worth, I firmly believe Justin is actually the stronger and more mature of the two. Brian has more experience, faux certainty, and the upper hand in the power dynamic, but Justin has the real fortitude. You showed that here. JustinStrong. Gonna have to  hashtag that somewhere. LOL

Roni