Date: Nov 05, 2019 3:03 pm Title: Chapter 11
Hi again! Yeah, the wedding… Again, I can totally agree with you. It was a little bit too much. But still, I would have liked to see some kind of commitment, be it a wedding, a private arrangement between the two, or just that they wear their rings. It would have made a difference. Just like the last scene, if Justin would have appeared in Babylon, one would think, yes, they stay probably together, even if it might only be in a long-distance relationship for some time. And I‘m not talking about monogamy, that doesn‘t matter so much to me (I think Justin wasn‘t so much into other men any longer anyway and I really like those fictions in which Brian not suddenly stop to trick but reduces it slowly until he realises he just don‘t need this kind of excitemnent or self-affirmation any longer). No, some kind of commitment would have been a nice statement. Oh, anyway ... I think I hardly know a series or a movie, whose end has made me so dissatisfied ... And I think that's one of the reasons why I‘m so addicted to them :-)
Now, this chapter. Oh goodness, you don‘t choose easy topics, do you? :-) That‘s sooo terrible. No matter how they‘ll decide, they just can lose. And I really can‘t imagine Brian choosing to have an abortion, but he also has to think about Gus and Luke (and also Justin). Maybe they can wait until they can get M? but how far is Brian now? It would still be risky for both M and Brian. You see, you have made me very curious and I can‘t imagine how it develops… And if they decide against M, they have to live with it! And they wanted so much to experience this pregnancy together. And at this point, I just can‘t see an happy ending for all of them. How horrible and absolutely sad. And one should really let the past rest, but given the current situation, Brian's decision back than appears even more tragic. So, I really hope that Brian is one of the few who have a longer survival rate… Very well written! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I totally agree with everything you have said in your first paragraph! Something... Just something would have been nice. A bone in the direction of the fans, so they would have been happy. But well, what did we really expect from people that thought Brian would never change, always stay the same and that after they gave us five seasons of him slowly changing. It was a contradiction to me, as if they didn't know their own character, but I guess on some level they admired him, maybe even wanted to be him... Who knows?!?
I got the feeling over the years that the fans were a lot more open to Brian changing into a more adult, grown-up version of himself than the writers were. So many people hated that storyline of Brian and Brandon and their fuck-a-thon and hated how it made Brian regress to someone he hadn't been for a long time... Maybe because the fans wanted the happy ending with Justin for Brian's character or maybe just because they wanted the character to grow up and not be stuck...
Haha, no, I don't choose easy topics, then again life isn't always easy :( Most stories are based in some way or form on something that has happened in my own life and writing for me is very therapeutic and this is actually based on my grandma's cancer. No, she didn't have lung cancer, no she wasn't pregnant (obviously!), but a lot of the interaction between Justin and Brian will be based on how my grandparents dealt with my grandmother being diagnosed with cancer. Like I said, writing is very therapeutic to me and a great outlet for my emotions ;)
I just feel sorry for readers that have to join me on my therapeutic journeys *lol*
Right now emotions are flying high with Brian and Justin. They need some time to really process what they have been told and to make a decision together. First reactions are often very strong, but then, if we think about it some more, calmly, we might start to see other opinions and other options.
We will find out soon what will happen to Brian and M, but I wouldn't get too worried. I am not a monster after all and no matter how bad the angst, remember, I am always trying to give the boys their happy ending...
We'll find out soon what will happen to their family.
Thanks for your comment :)
[Report This]Date: Nov 04, 2019 1:23 pm Title: Chapter 11
I know Justin can't conceive but can he carry the baby? This is getting so sad.
Author's Response:
It is sad indeed :(
We will find out soon what will happen to Brian and the baby!
Thanks for your comment :)
[Report This]Date: Nov 04, 2019 1:21 pm Title: Chapter 10
How sweet of Emmett to help out. Vic also helped in his own way. At least for a little while the boys are normal.
Author's Response:
Emmett is a gem - you just have to love him :)
Normalcy is important, even in light of the bad things to come.
[Report This]Date: Nov 04, 2019 12:05 am Title: Chapter 11
So sad. Second opinion?
Author's Response:
It is sad, I know :(
Maybe they will get one. We will see.
We will find out soon what will happen to Brian and the baby.
Thanks for your comment :)
[Report This]Date: Nov 03, 2019 11:45 pm Title: Chapter 11
Tissue time. Great writing, but so sad.
Author's Response:
I think we might need the tissues for a couple more chapters :( I am very sorry that you needed so many tissues recently ;)
Thanks for your comment. More will be up soon!
Date: Nov 03, 2019 10:03 pm Title: Chapter 11
I've been reading up to this point, but I think this is where I get off the train. It has nothing to do with your story personally, I'm just at a place where I can't take another super angsty, Brian is sick, Justin is sick, somebody is running away story. The fact that Brian is being forced to end his pregnancy just tipped it for me.
I hope I haven't offended you, but I just can't do it right now
Author's Response:
No, you haven't offended me, not at all! I understand that these stories are not for everyone and I know that many people have stuff like this in their personal lives, so the last thing they probably want is to read about it in their free time as well. I totally get it and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
As for the pregnancy - don't give up hope yet! This story doesn't have a death tag and nobody will die in this story, just saying :)
I know I always bring on the big angst, but I try to give the boys a happy ending anyway. It might be hard to get there, but there will be no dying of any characters in my stories.
Thanks for your comment and like I said, I totally understand!
Date: Oct 28, 2019 5:09 pm Title: Chapter 10
Hi again! I can only agree with you and Gale Harold regarding Brian’s further development. But the end of the series unfortunately left us with a different impression. As if everything would go on or start all over again. The presence of Justin alone would have made a different impression for me - but I think I've already written that. Makes me still so sad!
Yeah, our sunshine must have a special brain… After all, he had achieved what nobody did before… And Brian had no chance and just had to fall head over heels, madly and deeply… :-)
I think if you aren’t working in this field or have ever had to deal with it, you don’t necessarily know that the motor tracks cross in the brain stem and maybe the writers of qaf thought it would make people more confused. But funny, that you also noticed.
So, now to this chapter. as always, so well written. You always achieve, that one can participate so much in the feelings of the actors. One can feel their desperation, their hope, their pain. I have to say - with his ongoing bloody cough that I have little hope that it will be anything good, but I really hope it’s still curable. And I’m curious, what's about M?
When you mentioned that Brian had been to the cemetery I already thought about his father but I really love that you made him come across Vic’s grave. I really liked Vic in the show and I always love stories in which Vic plays a more important role to either Brian or Justin. In my opinion, he could have had a more important role in the show.
So, have a wonderful week! Until next time, warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yeah, let's not get started on the ending of the show. Those writers liked to have Brian stay the same and not have him grow up which is just not realistic. People grow and change over time and you can't give us five seasons of Brian growing up and changing only to then say in the last episode: Oh, by the way, he will always stay the same.
It doesn't work like that. At least for me :(
I am not saying I was a great fan of the wedding storyline, because that felt a bit too much and too sudden at the time, but I loved the "I love you" after the Babylon bombing. As for the wedding storyline, some of my feelings about that will actually come into play in this story and will be picked up later on and discussed here *spoiler alert*
Haha, I always assumed everyone knew the brain worked like that. I learned that in science class in school. But maybe I am just a nerd for actually remembering after all this time what I learned in school ;)
We'll find out what's wrong with Brian in the next chapter and then we'll also find out more about what will happen with M and how M will be affected by whatever is wrong with Brian :(
I totally agree about Vic. I loved the quiet, supportive way in which he loved the boys, unlike Debbie's loud ways. And he never needed to remind anyone of all the things he had done for them to validate himself. In that respect he was so different to Debbie and Michael which is why I always liked him. I felt like they didn't use him as much as they could have and was very sad when they killed him off on the show :(
Thanks for your comment :) More will be up tomorrow!
[Report This]Date: Oct 27, 2019 11:59 pm Title: Chapter 10
Waaaaaa! So sad but good.
Author's Response:
I am sorry about the sad part, but I hope it will be worth it in the end ;)
Thanks for your comment. More will be up soon! :)
Date: Oct 27, 2019 11:36 pm Title: Chapter 10
thanks for update
Author's Response:
You are welcome :)
More will be up soon!
[Report This]Date: Oct 27, 2019 11:22 pm Title: Chapter 10
Great update. Wonderful writing. I am running out of tissues again.
Author's Response:
Oh no :( I am sorry about the tissues. You know, I secretly work in the tissue industry and this is all a plot, so they can make more money ;)
I have to admit that there will be more emotional chapters coming up... It's not over yet.
Thanks for your comment. More will be up soon :)
[Report This]Date: Oct 27, 2019 10:41 pm Title: Chapter 10
Nice touch the part with Vic; Vic knew his place in Brian's heart and didn't need to hear it. He wasn't reminding Brian how much he owned him, contrary to Debbie.
Author's Response:
I always liked Vic and liked the quiet, supportive way in which he loved the people around him. He didn't love them in the loud way Debbie does, yet he loved them all the same and probably helped some of them even more by just being a great example of how to deal with bad things in life and how to be a gay man in a world that doesn't like you being gay.
I loved Vic and he left way too soon :(
More will be up soon!
[Report This]Date: Oct 27, 2019 9:50 pm Title: Chapter 10
Vic always shows up when he's needed the most. Especially after his death.
Author's Response:
Vic was always a good one, a shining light of hope for all of them. He left way too soon :(
[Report This]Date: Oct 27, 2019 9:29 pm Title: Chapter 10
Hi,
Just wanted to say, as you know, I love your stories and love that you have continued this series. However, I am not in a good place mentally at the moment, so I may or may not continue reading this, or possibly read it all at the end.
I don't want to read anything possibly depressing so this and a couple of other WIPs may have to be skipped for a while.
I just wanted to let you know that, if you don't receive reviews from me for a while, it's not that I don't appreciate your superb writing and storytelling.
Thanks again,
Deb L.
Author's Response:
I am sorry to hear about your own personal situation, but I totally understand. Real life can be hard enough as it is, so we don't need our fiction to bring us down as well. Don't worry, I absolutely understand and hope that you'll feel better again soon :-*
I know there's probably not much that I can do, but if there is, please let me know :)
- Jessica
[Report This]Date: Oct 25, 2019 6:53 pm Title: Chapter 9
Hi again! Thanks for all of your answers! I don’t know, sometimes I also think a story without any excitement would be too boring, but at the moment I'm also reading "In quest of something" by ebbj9891. Very beautiful stories after S5, often with Gus, without much excitement, but still amazing, sometimes very funny, so yeah sometimes I also like such a story. Actually, I like all the stories in which their characters are not completely disfigured and unfortunately at the moment I'm very upset about another story in which in my opinion their characters are totally destroyed, but yes, what the hell. Everybody is allowed to write what he wants, even if I can’t understand how one can destroy these wonderful characters so much. Ah, I didn’t want to get upset again. You've get also a lot of criticism last year and handled it very well… If I don’t like a story I shouldn’t read it. It’s as simple as it is...
Yeah, neurosurgery isn’t an easy discipline. Sometimes I think I should go somewhere else someday, because every time I have a headache, I think of brain tumors. That's also something I’ve never understood and I would like to ask the creators of Queer as folk ... In the show, Justin was bashed at the right head, wasn’t he? I’ve never understood why the motor skills of his right hand were compromised. If you have an injury on the right side of the head, it would affect the motor skills of the left side of the body ...
So, now this chapter… It’s incredible sad and terrible! And Brian, my heart broke first for him reading this: “I... I just wanted to make you happy and now I can't even do that,” Oh, I want to hug him, I want to hug them… and then this “I don't want to die” and “I wanted to see your face when M gets born” So well written and also so painful! I’m just so glad, they’re in this together. I loved Justin’s behavior in S4 with the chicken soup and I’m so glad that at this moment he has the strength for both of them because Brian needs this! And I really like how important it is to Justin that Brian gives him this promises because yeah, Brian never broke a promise and now they’ll fight this together… Great story!
Author's Response:
Haha, the good old discussions about forgiveness or not and does Justin still have a backbone or not because he's actually able to forgive... Yeah, those were the days ;)
I agree, at the end of the day it's up to an author to write what they want to write and if you don't like it, don't read it. And there are things like out of character tags, so at least warn the readers, you know?
I hate stories where people don't use out of character tags and the characters are so clearly out of character. I don't mind having them out of character, both my Brian and Justin are, but at least give an explanation as to why they are (which I hope I did in explaining that Brian went to therapy and understood a lot about himself and his previous behaviour) and why they behave the way they do.
I know we both agree that Brian's character on the show could have been handled so much better and I was pretty happy when I saw an interview recently where they asked Gale Harold where he saw Brian now and he said that he hoped that by now Brian would have figured out his shit and gotten some help because the life he had been living wasn't healthy. My thoughts exactly! Brian couldn't go on the way he was and for me it was normal evolution to have him change, but of course that needs to be explained to a reader and not just presented as totally in character. At least in my opinion...
Yeah, I think your line of work would make me paranoid as well. I used to work as a teacher for more than 10 years before I went to Ireland and everytime I see a kid now, all I can think of is: Well, for his/her age they should be able to do this by now, they might need some extra help with their language, they might need some occupational therapy, they are way ahead of their age group. I can't just look at a kid anymore, all I see is a potential student and where they might need some extra support and what can be done to help them. I guess I never learned to switch off the button at the end of a day and to leave the job be the job ;)
I have actually wondered the same thing about Justin's injury from the very beginning and never heard anyone else wonder about it, so I thought I was alone. I am glad I wasn't. Maybe the writers thought nobody knew/would notice or were under the impression that Justin was so special he also had a special brain ;)
My heart broke for both Brian and Justin as well when writing this chapter. It made me feel so bad for what I am putting them through :(
Yes, Justin knows that right now he needs to be strong because Brian can't be. Brian's still too shocked by the news and went down into a depression because of it and Justin knows that for now he's the one that will need to take control of things. Thank God, he's strong and can do it!
Brian never broke a promise and I can tell you that he won't start now! :) They'll fight whatever this is together.
More will be up tomorrow :)
Date: Oct 24, 2019 7:42 pm Title: Chapter 8
Hi again! What a terrible and painful chapter! First, I have to say, Brian running away, leaving Justin alone at the hospital, is not something nice, but it’s total understandable and Justin acted nearly the same way over the terrible news he received a few months ago – he got drunk senseless without talking to Brian first. So, yeah, understandable that Brian needed some time alone. And again, I have to say, great writing-style – one can feel Brian’s pain, fear and despair and then also Justin’s. And oh my God, what a shock. I’m working at a neurosurgery department and I often see terrible fates because of brain tumors. I only hope, they can perform surgery or cure him through radiation or something else! And I’m glad that Brian decided against leaving them. It would have been so terrible for all of them. Together they are stronger! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, now we have arrived at the angst part of this story :(
Poor guys. Brian is not perfect and he has never been able to deal well with bad news, so it's not really surprising that he would snap and wouldn't be able to deal with it and let Justin help him. Nobody's perfect and definitely not after receiving bad news like that. I just wanted to hug him so bad the whole time I was writing this chapter :(
And poor Justin, not knowing what was going on, but knowing that something bad must have happened for Brian to act that way. And then hearing the bad news and having his whole world fall apart...
It was really painful writing this chapter as I felt so bad for both of them :(
Oh god, that can't be an easy job. I can only imagine all the human misery and pain you have to see day in and out. I have the utmost respect for anyone who works in health services.
We'll find out more about what exactly is wrong with Brian soon.
And you're right. Together they are stronger! :)
Thanks for your lovely comments, I really enjoyed reading them all and seeing what you think about this story!
Date: Oct 24, 2019 5:15 pm Title: Chapter 7
Hi again! I like how you let Justin handle his business. It shows that there is nothing more important for Justin than Brian and his family. That’s what Brian unfortunately didn’t understand in the past…
So far with Michael everything seems to be good, but I don’t trust this calmness… It’s scary enough that he’s in Pittsburgh…
Oh no, as I said before, I thought something would happen to their baby, but now with Brian coughing blood and his history and that of his father… Oh, I feel so bad for them…
Author's Response:
If only Brian had seen back then how wrong he had judged Justin's personality... So much pain could have been avoided. Well, at least he sees it now.
Yeah, I wouldn't trust Michael either, if I were you. Just saying ;)
Exactly... his own history and that of his father. It makes you worry, doesn't it?
We can only hope that everything will turn out alright in the end.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 3:07 pm Title: Chapter 6
Hi again! It’s so cute how you describe Luke copying Justin’s behavior! Ah, I love your little family! Why can’t they stay so happy! But I think a good story needs a little excitement!
Knowing about what is to come makes me sad reading about all their future plans like painting on Brian’s belly or going to one appointment together with their boys… Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
I love this family as well :) And I do feel bad for all I put them through in my stories *lol* They would deserve so much better. Maybe one day I'll write a story where there will just be happiness for them.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 2:25 pm Title: Chapter 5
Hi again! Sunshine and his super sperm :-)
I’m very glad that they don’t linger to much in the past. Just as you’ve written, it’s in the past and they can’t change it! They just should enjoy this pregnancy and should be happy that they can experience it this time together! Cute reaction from Luke but I haven’t expected anything less. With Gus, I was not so sure, not because of his age but because of the fact, that this baby ans also Luke are "real" siblings because they are both from Brian and Justin and Gus is only from Brian. But I think, in their little family this isn’t a real issue also because Justin has never treated Gus different from Luke.
I’m very curious about Michael and the role he’ll play in your story. I hope he won’t be successful in whatever he’ll do – because I’m sure that he’ll at least try to make problems… Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Haha, super sperm indeed. We always knew he was a very talented guy ;)
Yes, I agree that there was never anything to worry about with Luke, but with Gus... Yes, that's a different story. And as much as Justin treats him like he is his biological son as well, they will always know he isn't. And most importantly Gus will always know. The question is, will it become a problem? Or will they be fine anyway...
Michael... well, we'll hear from him. That much is certain. How that will go? We'll see.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 1:20 pm Title: Chapter 4
Hi again! I can only repeat myself, I feel so happy for them. A little peanut! And this time they can experience everything together! And again, fantastic writing-style and I love their detailed talks! Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Yes, a little peanut :)
They deserve this happiness and to be together for this pregnancy.
Date: Oct 24, 2019 1:02 pm Title: Chapter 3
Hi my friend! Great chapter, very well written. again, I can only praise how you let them talk and interact. And I'm very happy about their decision to go for another child together. To experience everything together from the start - this is what should have been happened years ago. So, this makes me very happy, although, sure, because of the title of your story, we already knew that something bad would be happen. At this point of the story I thought it would have been about Brian and the baby... Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
If only I weren't as evil as I am and could just let them enjoy the happiness of having a baby together and experiencing everything together for once ;)
They truly would deserve for this to work out and they would deserve to enjoy this pregnancy together, but I am evil and I love angst... sorry ;)
At least they talked it out like adults for once.
Thanks for your comment!
Date: Oct 23, 2019 6:05 pm Title: Chapter 2
Hi my friend! Now Brian’s got a bit impatient and annoyed - but is also understandable :-)
Again, I must praise your writing-style and the way you let them talk to one another. I love this!
And then my heart broke a little bit for Justin... ”I just wanted to know what it feels like... I just wanted us to do it together “ - and this reminds me of my feelings I had last year. To feel Justin’s pain about not having known about Luke, not having the chance to experienced this with Brian. And now, he knows that he won’t ever be able to carry Brian's child. So sad… And I don’t really know why, but that phrase “For the first time he realized how much this had meant to Justin” touched me deeply. I mean, your story “Back for good” was so emotional but yeah, maybe because of the fact that Justin won’t ever be able to experience a pregnancy by himself and because of his despair about it, Brian now really understood, how wrong his decision was. But I’m also glad that old wounds don’t tear too much and he doesn’t feel too guilty about it again. This is in the past and they must now see together how they deal with this new fact. But it’s interesting… If men would be also able to get pregnant, there would probably be more discussion about who would be the one getting pregnant. Crazy, I know, it’s just fiction… You see what you do to me… last year it was about forgiveness and now it’s about pregnancies... :-) Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Well, even this new, more grown up Brian isn't perfect and just human ;)
Thanks for your kind words - it means a lot to me that people like my version of these two and appreciate the way they communicate as it's obviously different than what we know from the show.
Yes, Brian needed to see Justin's pain at the news that he would never be able to carry a child on his own to really understand how much everything meant to Justin and how much Justin not only would have loved to have a child and to be there from the beginning, but to have carried it himself. As painful as this was for both of them, I think it was needed to create a better understanding between them. Even after all this time.
Of course Brian was very aware of the pain he caused Justin before, but this was just different and on a new level because it also involved their future and not just their past.
Thanks for your comment :)
Date: Oct 23, 2019 5:07 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hi my friend! You’re back and now, so am I. How are you? Still in Ireland? I must admit, I started reading your new story, the sequel to your wonderful story which I so longed for, but it was somehow difficult for me to get into it. I don’t know. You know, I was so into your story, so in love with it, but it has been nearly one year. I thought about re-reading “Back for good” first but I’m not sure I would find the time and now, after already reading until chapter eight, I’m too curious and can’t wait to continue. But first, I’ll stop and re-read the beginning to give you your much earned reviews. So, chapter one, again, wonderful written and I’m glad to see that life’s treated them well until now. They seem to be very very happy. And I really like your matured version of Brian. He seems to be content, calm and he’s treating Justin in this situation with so much patience, care and love. I really love that! So, after reading it for the first time – just like Brian – I thought Justin had been pregnant and had lost their baby… But I’m also sure he would have told Brian! And, yeah, now I already knew, but after reading the first chapter I hadn’t got a clue. Warmest regards!
Author's Response:
Hi :)
It's good to see you back! Yes, I am still in Ireland and will be here for the foreseeable future. I have my life, my job, my friends and everything in Dublin and love living in Ireland. So for now there are no plans to return to Germany :)
I am glad to know that you're reading the sequel as well. It is quite different from the original story, so I know it won't be everyone's cup of tea. But well, I love me some angst and writing helps me to work through stuff in my own life, so this story is therapeutic for me more than anything. If people will appreciate and like it, even better ;)
Yes, up till now Brian and Justin have been very happy with their kids and have lived a life Brian probably never expected to love just 15 years ago and now enjoys more than anything. His family fulfills him and gives him happiness, same as for Justin :)
I hope you'll like the rest of the story :)
[Report This]Date: Oct 22, 2019 3:29 pm Title: Chapter 9
Whoa! Powerful and so painful at the same time.
Author's Response:
It was painful to write for me as well, I can tell you that much :(
Thanks for your comment! More will be up on Sunday :)
[Report This]Date: Oct 22, 2019 9:57 am Title: Chapter 9
Brian had better fight this and M needs to be safe. Please!!!!
Author's Response:
He promised Justin. And we all know that he never breaks his promises. So whatever this turns out to be, he will fight.
Thanks for your comment. More will be up on Sunday :)
[Report This]Date: Oct 22, 2019 1:51 am Title: Chapter 9
Wow, tissue box time. So heart breaking. Want to be optimistic. I love a happy ending. FANTASTIC WRITING. Would rate it higher than a 10 if possible.
Author's Response:
Sorry that you needed tissues for this one :( It was hard to write for me as well, I can tell you that...
Thanks for your kind words. More will be up on Sunday :)