Brush teeth.
Fuck in the Shower.
Shave.
Skin care regimen.
Guava juice.
Brush teeth again.
Suit.
Newspaper.
Email.
Check the security alarm.
Kiss.
Check the security alarm again.
Starbucks or Liberty Diner.
Work.

He has to wonder if Brian keeps a mental checklist in his head on the weekdays. Not only are these the things that he does, but he does them in this order. Maybe he just didn’t notice it before but he’s pretty sure Brian was more lax about his daily routine when he first met him. Every single morning after that night after Gus’s birthday party, Brian has been doing things in this order. Justin understands ritual. It keeps people comforted and happy when they do things in a way that works best for them. But Brian literally never changes this routine unless Justin’s already working for the morning shift. Then “Kiss” comes after Liberty Diner because you bet your ass Brian will stop by if he didn’t see him that morning.

At one point, he wondered what would happen if he told Brian he was too tired to fuck that morning and drank the rest of his guava juice while he was in the shower. So he had done it. It was a dick move. Brian had been pissy about not getting his shower fuck but when he saw that the guava juice was gone, he had a little tantrum.

“Oh, so you’re too tired to fuck but perked up enough to drink the rest of my juice?” Brian snarls.

Justin had just shrunk back in his seat and said, “I was thirsty.”

Brian looked at him and sighed. It was obvious that the guilty puppy dog stare had worked because all the man did was say, “Whatever. I’ll get some on the way back from work. But next time you finish it off, you’re paying for it.”

Things became a bit weird after that. Brian’s mental checklist went all out of whack. He checked the security alarm before he changed into his suit, read his email, skipped the newspaper, checked the security alarm two more times before going out the door. He didn’t even take the time to kiss him.

It had been strange. And he came back from work stressed out over god knows what. But, as soon as Justin left his routine alone for the next day or two, Brian was Brian again.

He thought about messing something else up. Maybe hiding the newspaper or something but maybe Brian was really dependent on whatever routine he decided was best for him. It wasn’t hurting anybody.

But still, he was curious.

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He had been a bit surprised when Michael said yes to going out to lunch with him. They had their ups and downs but he was Brian’s best friend and, when it came down to it, he had been there for both of them after the bashing.

“This place is fantastic,” Michael tells him of the little hole in the wall, “Best pizza I’ve ever had in my life.”

“I’m always in the mood for pizza,” Justin smiles, sitting down.

Michael rolls his eyes, “Aren’t you in the mood for everything when it comes to food? Ma said you are more of a bottomless pit than I was at your age. And that’s saying something.”

Justin laughs, “I’m surprised Brian’s never complained.”

“You know him. He barely eats. But he did complain that you drank the last of his guava juice last week and seemed to worry that it would start becoming a regular thing.”

Justin flushes, “Shit, it was one time. I didn’t think it would irk him that much.”

“Brian’s weird about his juice,” Michael tells him, “He always has been.”

“Always will be?” Justin guesses.

Michael shrugs, “Probably, knowing him.”

“Have you ever noticed that he’s sort of...I don’t know, OCD. Not to the extreme but a little bit?”

Michael looks at him strangely before slowly nodding.

“Uh, he used to be Obsessive Compulsive. Got teased for it in school a couple of times. It usually wasn’t obvious or anything but he was super organized and had to do things a certain way constantly like being specific as to where his books sat on his desk, making sure his pencil was even and sharp on all sides, color coding his binder, going back a couple of times to see if his locker was properly closed, washing his hands between every class, shit like that. His room was always kept perfectly neat. Everything had to be a certain way. I offered to help put away his laundry once. He told me I was doing it wrong since I wasn’t putting his clothes away in his closet from light to heavy. Then he said I was folding everything wrong when he put me on drawer duty so he made me sit across the room until he was done. It’s not like he couldn’t get around whatever was bothering him back then. I mean, he’ll put his fingers up a guy’s ass with no problem and it never has been. He played soccer and never had a problem on the field. But he got better after he went to college. He doesn’t really have much of an issue with it now. He’s still neat and doesn’t like clutter but I think he’s mostly over obsessing about doing things a certain way. It’s weird that you brought it up though. He doesn’t really talk about it.”

“Was he ever diagnosed or-”

“Please. He was the son of Joan and Jack Kinney. They probably caused him to develop those quirks in the first place. If he had been bad enough to the point where he couldn’t properly function, Mrs. Kinney probably would have just made him go get counseling from the priest. Prayer is the best form of medicine in her eyes.”

“Such bullshit,” Justin mutters, feeling a stab of anger at Brian’s parents.

“Why did you ask?” Michael inquires, “Did you hear something about him or did he say something about it?”

Justin shrugs, “Neither. You were right, Michael. This pizza is fantastic.”

Michael gives Justin a strange look before letting the subject drop. He is grateful for Michael’s lack of filter sometimes. He can reveal things about Brian that he would never find out about otherwise.

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Now that he knows how Brian used to be, he feels bad for drinking the guava juice. But he keeps wondering about the routine. What made him think that doing those things in that order was the best way to go about things? Why didn’t he drink his juice before taking a shower? Why didn’t he read his email before reading the newspaper? The way Brian did things wasn’t hurting anyone though. Well, at least not when it came to the morning routine. His borderline reckless tricking, drinking, and pill popping might hurt end up hurting him. But maybe he did those things to rest his mind. Silence it so things that wouldn’t bother most people wouldn’t bother him as much too.

He doesn’t want to disrupt Brian’s morning routine if it brings him some sort of comfort. He’s just concerned that the routine was brought on by something darker. Brian hadn’t taken the bashing nonchalantly. He had been affected too. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have worn that bloody scarf around his neck for god knows how long.

So he’s going to be subtle about it. Ask a question here or there, just to see if this is something Brian feels like he has to do or Justin’s just being crazy. It’s probably nothing.

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“I want to read the paper,” Justin tells him when he comes back from the bedroom, fully dressed.

“Fine. Give me the headlines and the business section then,” Brian tells him, sitting down.

“One of the articles continues from the front page to the business section and I just started it.”

Brian glares and Justin can see that he’s struggling a little as he grits, “Fine. Give me the Arts & Entertainment section.”

“You only read that section on Thursdays,” Justin points out accurately because he’s been keeping track.

“So? I’ll read it until you’re done. Or you can just hand it over now. I pay for it.”

“Or you could just check your email and I’ll be done by the time you’re finished,” Justin remarks.

Brian shakes his head and mutters under his breath before getting up and going over to the computer. He only makes it halfway before turning around to come over and take the paper from Justin’s hands.

“Hey!” Justin exclaims, “I was reading that.”

“Too bad,” Brian remarks, tossing himself on the couch.

“What’s in there that you need to read so badly anyway?”

Brian looks at him, bewildered, “The news, Sonny Boy. I’m not going into work uninformed.”

“...Fine. Whatever.”

Justin is pretty convinced now that his boyfriend or whatever the fuck they were did have something going on. He’s just not sure if he’s supposed to fix it, address it, or leave it alone. He could really put Brian on edge if he tries to make him change his ways. Besides, he hasn’t tried to change Brian’s habits when it comes to tricking so why the fuck would he try to change how many times he brushes his teeth in the morning? If he asked him why he did the same thing, morning after morning, Brian would probably either deny it, laugh at him, or get pissy. Leaving it alone seemed like the best option but if it was being driven by some kind of disorder, it could get worse if Justin left it alone. Besides, it was starting to bug him. It wasn’t Brian’s quirky actions themselves but the unknown reasoning behind him that made him frustrated.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It comes to a head the next Saturday.

Brian comes home that evening from Babylon. Justin had come back from the diner with a headache and decided to stay home and work on his sketching assignment. When the loft door opened, Brian came over to bend down over the couch and put his arms around his neck. Justin is able to ignore the smell of other men and alcohol as Brian kisses his face and the corner of his mouth before checking out the sketch.

“Looks good,” he comments, putting his hands on his shoulders, “How long have you been working on it?”

“A couple hours. I worked on my painting before that though. Don’t worry, it’s been on and off. My hand only cramped up once and it was minor. It’s fine now. See?” Justin says, wiggling his fingers.

Brian comes around the couch and nods, “Good. It bugs the shit of me when you overwork it. You have a habit of doing that.”

Justin hides the smirk at the irony before taking Brian’s hand.

“Come on,” Justin asks, “You didn’t wear yourself out with those other guys tonight, did you?”

Brian gives him an ornery look, “Oh Sunshine, I don’t get ‘worn out.’”

Brian proves him right when he preps him and thrusts in, making him moan out in need. Brian’s a fucking expert at fucking as always, hitting his prostate dead on and making sure to give his dick plenty of attention.

They collapse next to each other and Justin feels tired before he hears Brian’s annoyed voice.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Brian asks.

Justin looks around before leaning over to give him a kiss, “Good night.”

“Not that...Aren’t you going to clean up your art supplies? There are tubes of paint all over the table and old newspaper and pencils. You leave them out on a regular basis. It’s a really bad habit and it bugs the shit out of me.”

Justin glares, “It’s not like I leave it out for several days at a time. You know I get all my stuff in my bag for school.”

“It’s Sunday tomorrow! You don’t have school. You’re not leaving it there until Monday.”

“I’ll pick it up in the morning regardless but if it really bothers you that much then I will get it now.”

“It does,” Brian informs him seriously.

Justin lets out a sigh and gets up to put his supplies away and make sure his brushes are dry before coming back to the bed.

“You know, it’s not as if you don’t have odd habits of your own.”

Brian raises an eyebrow, “What are you talking about?

Justin sighs, “Your whole morning routine, Brian. Brush teeth, fuck in the shower, shave, skin care regimen, guava juice, brush teeth again, suit, newspaper, email, check the security alarm, kiss me, check the security alarm again, Starbucks or Liberty Diner, work. Exactly in that order. Everyday.”

Brian looks at him strangely, “So? That’s just the shit I need to do in the morning.”

“Okay, fine. But if something keeps you from doing it in that order, you get all stressed out and the whole routine goes out of whack. You’ll forget something or check the security alarm three or four times. And you were never like this before. It only started happening after I moved in.”

Brian sighs and rubs his eyes, “Then I don’t know, Justin. I’ll try to switch my alleged routine around if it bothers you so fucking much.”

“It...It doesn’t bother me. That’s not it and if it makes you feel better then I don’t care if you do things a very specific way in the morning. I am just trying to figure out where it came from.”

Brian stays quiet for several seconds and Justin starts to get the impression he’s not going to answer him until he does.

“Nights are for letting loose. Fucking, tricking, drinking, drugging. I have always done those things to forget about stress and because they feel so good. I did it in excess while you were in the hospital. It didn’t matter what time of day. It interfered with my job a couple of times. But you’re here now. I need to get things back on track. I need to be stable and here for you after what you went through. Sometimes I go too far one way or the other. I didn’t realize I was doing that again.”

Justin stares at him and he doesn’t think Brian even completely knows what he’s trying to say. By the look on his face, he wasn’t aware that he had even been acting oddly but maybe had caught onto feeling oddly.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t annoyed by it. I was just concerned about it. There’s nothing wrong with a routine as long as you don’t feel tethered to it. I know I wasn’t the only person who got bashed that night but I’m the only other person in your situation who knows it takes a while to achieve balance and normalcy. You do what you need to do to achieve that.”

Brian nods and he almost seems grateful for the words but then says,

“Normal is for heteros.”

Brian turns over to go to sleep. Justin scoffs but the man may be onto something. Whether it’s the tricking with other men, the sex, or just his idiosyncrasies, nothing is normal when you share a life with Brian Kinney.