Toto’s Africa was playing on the radio as loud as he could make it, as he made the last few miles of his trip. He was singing loudly, the song always made him feel…free.

It had been years since he was in his hometown. Pittsburgh wasn’t home anymore, it hadn’t been for a very long time. When he left home as a fresh-faced teen with only the clothes on his back, he swore he would never be back. That was over twenty years ago, and he had grown a lot in those years.

Looking at his gas tank he groaned, he really needed to check it more often. Fred, what he called his VW van, was driving on no more than gas fumes now. He was on his sister’s street, all he had to do was glide his way in. Just making it on a wing and a prayer, he pulled in. Briefly he wondered if he should have called ahead. She was a stickler for things like that.

Molly was eight years younger than him, but she was the responsible sibling. She had a husband, kids, house and a kickass job. She was a senior partner at Kinnetik Advertising, she had worked her ass off for it. At least that’s what he had heard on his infrequent phone calls. He felt bad but he just usually forgot to pay the bill and when he would remember his phone would have been shut off for almost a year.

The front door opened and his sister’s pissed off face was lit under her porch light. Yeah, he definitely should have called. Her arms were crossed, and she was tapping her foot. Knowing he didn’t have enough gas to run away, he reluctantly got out of the van.

“Hey, sis,” he said, giving her a wave.

“It is eleven at night and you didn’t even call. Really, Justin, I haven’t heard from you in over a year.”

“Didn’t you check the site?”

“Of course, I checked the site, it’s the only way I know you’re not dead. You got caught in that Tornado in Kansas a couple months ago and you didn’t even call. I had to find out from the site.”

Justin was a travel writer, photographer and artist. All but the last paid. He’s lived a nomad lifestyle since he was seventeen years old.  His father had kicked him out when Justin told him he was gay. He borrowed money from his best friend Daphne and boarded a greyhound bus and never looked back.

All the horror stories he had heard, he thought it was going to be the end of the world. Turns out he was extremely lucky. He was going to go to New York City but couldn’t afford it. Instead he only got as far as Erie, PA. It was the start of his new life.

“I’m sorry, Mol. I didn’t mean to forget to pay the bill.”

“I wish you would just let me pay it. Then I wouldn’t have to worry, or deal with Mom calling to see if I’d heard from you.”

“I don’t need my baby sister paying my bills.”

“Clearly you do.”

“Let’s drop it. Can me and my van stay in your driveway for the night?”

She sighed. “I guess I can’t talk you into sleeping in the guest room, can I?”

“Why sleep in your guest room when I can sleep in my own bed?”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You were born in the wrong era to be a hippie, you know that, right?”

“Not hippie…free spirit.”

“Is Harry with you?”

His heart took a hit. He hadn’t put anything on the travel site he worked for because he hadn’t been ready. Everyone who looked at that site and read about his adventures knew Harry.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, probably seeing change in demeanor.

“Harry’s gone.”

“Harry’s dead?” she asked, bringing her hand to her mouth.

“I don’t know. We were hiking to a place called Cades Cove, it’s in the Smokey Mountains. He ran off chasing some animal. I thought he would be back with in a few minutes. I stayed around for days, then came back with some local volunteers. Overall, I was there for over a month, but Dean was after me for my next location.” Dean was the editor of the magazine he worked for.

“Oh, god, poor Harry. They might find him though, then they’ll call because he’s chipped.”

Harry was chipped with Molly’s information because even Justin knew he was a bad bet.

“Yes, but it’s been two months. He’s so little and it’s so big there.”

He had found Harry as a puppy in the ghost town of Misnebalm in Yucatán. The little thing was nothing but skin and bones when he found him. Harry was a mix between a Chihuahua and Bichon Frise, at least that’s what the vet’s best guess was. He had been a part of Justin’s life for six years; it was hard to think he would never see him again. He felt awful about giving up, but he had walked that area until his feet bled, he had slept on the ground and left so much of his clothes around it he would probably get in trouble for littering. He just wanted his little buddy back. He hated that his mother was right. He was too irresponsible for a pet.

“He’ll be found and when he is, I’ll go with you to pick him up,” she said sounding so sure of it.

“I hope so.”

“So, what are you doing back here?”

“Dad.”

“Dad? What the hell does Dad have to do with anything? I haven’t even talked to that son-of-a-bitch for months.”

“He reached out to Dean, asking me to come and visit him. Guess there is still a part of me that wants him to love me. You don’t have to say it, I know I’m a glutton for punishment.”

“He’s going to hate your hair,” she said, pulling his ponytail.

“I know but what can I say, I like it.”

“It’s longer than mine. God, Justin I’ve missed you so much.” She hugged him tightly. “I wish you would at least consider staying here and settling down.”

“I love my life. I’m free to do what I please and when I please. I go to amazing places that most people never even dream of going. Dean is in talks with a publisher for us to do a book. He thinks my ghost town travels would be great. I have to agree.”

“You look younger than me, that’s not fair.”

“You have a stressful job; I just take pictures and write about what I saw.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me. Thanks for letting me stay. At least give me a few hours before you call Mom.”

“I’m calling her at seven so be ready. I’m also going to call Brian, my boss, I’m going to take tomorrow off. I want to be there when you talk to Dad.”

“Fine. How’s Jeff and the kids?”

“Good, really good. I think Nick is going to be just like his uncle, he’s always got a crayon in his hand.”

“That’s a good boy. We’ll I’m going to get some sleep; I’ve been driving for about twenty-nine hours straight.”

She shook her head. “You’re going to kill yourself one day. Free spirit my ass, you’re going to give me a heart attack before I’m thirty-five.”

He kissed her on the cheek and climbed in his van again. He had a mattress in the back, something that annoyed Molly. He had told her once it could be worse; he could have naked women painted on outside of it. As he laid down, he groaned. He was getting too old for this lifestyle, not that he would tell his overbearing sister that.

“I don’t care if her brother is dying, this is her project.”

Brian was seething. He had just checked his messages and had one from his top earner, she had called out for a few days because her brother was in town. He couldn’t be that important because Molly had worked for him since she graduated college, he had offered her a job after her internship. He knew she had a husband that told stupid jokes, a son that barfed on Brian’s new shoes at the Christmas party last year, a daughter that reminded him of one of those Village of the Damned kids. There was also a mother she had to take off to take to the doctor a few times last year. But he had never heard of a brother.

“Brian, you can’t get mad because she has family problems. The campaign she’s working on can hold a few days,” Cynthia told him, giving him that look he hated. It was the look that said he was being unreasonable.

“You can calm down, boss. I came in to get some things taken care of.  My brother will be with me in my office, just to let you know.”

Brian looked up and saw Molly Taylor-Grayson standing there looking at him with an amused look. Behind her was a long-haired blond who was about her height. He was gorgeous, very fuckable but too young. He had to be around twenty-five, that was much too young for his fifty-one-year-old self, hell he was a grandfather.

“I didn’t know you had a younger brother,” he said casually.

Molly glared at him although he was unsure why. The blond behind her laughed.

“I’m actually older than her. I’ll be forty on my next birthday.”

Brian did his best not to drop his jaw. The man really did look twenty-five. Brian didn’t look fifty, but he didn’t look twenty-five either. He was a bit jealous over the man seeming to have found the fountain of youth.

“In all fairness, Justin doesn’t have any responsibility,” Molly said, pushing her brother away lightly. The blond didn’t seem upset he just smiled, and what a smile it was. He needed to get them out of his office.

“Alright, take this back to your office. I expect Kimble to sign as soon as next week.”

“Will do,” she said before grabbing the blond’s hand and pulling him away.

Brian went back to what he was doing but his mind kept going back to the blond down the hall. It had been a while since he had such a visceral attraction to someone. When he was younger, he had this idea that relationships were for those who had no imagination. But years of going home to a dark house and feeling like a fifth wheel with his friends, had changed that. It was sad and pathetic, and he’d rather be home alone like a loser than be seen as pathetic to others.

Standing up, he headed for Molly’s office. Purely to check on her progress, that was the only reason. He lightly knocked on her door and entered when she answered. Inside she was alone typing away on her computer.

“You’re alone,” he said.

“Yeah, Justin wandered off.”

“Wandered off?”

“Yeah, I love him because he’s my brother but without weights holding him down, he’ll just float away.”

“He’s flighty?”

“He’s…an artist. A traveler. A different kind of person.” She looked at him. “Yeah, he’s flighty.”

Brian nodded and left the office. As he was walking down the hall back to his office the supply room door opened. His art director and Molly’s wayward brother both stepped out looking disheveled. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what they had been doing in there. That pissed him off too. While he wasn’t above fucking people at work, he had higher standards for his employees. Not only that, it annoyed him that his art director had already touched Justin. His married art director at that.

“Stephen, needing something from the supply closet?” he asked, his art director looked well caught.

“Brian, I’m sorry. I-I was looking for toner.”

“And you had to take your shirt off for that?” he asked, pointing to Stephen’s shirt that was inside out.

“It’s just sex,” Justin said, looking unbothered.

“This is my company and that’s not how I run this place.”

Stephen jaw dropped and he sneered. “Since when?”

“Go back to your department while you still have a job,” he demanded.

Stephan looked like he wanted to argue but he had a mortgage and Brian would be in the right to fire him. He left, leaving Justin and Brian standing in the corridor alone.

“I guess I should get back to Molly.”

“Think you can find your way with falling onto someone else’s dick?” Brian asked, even to himself it sounded hostile. He didn’t know where it was coming from.

“I guess we’ll just have to see,” Justin said giving him a lazy smile before walking off.

It had been a long time since he had someone new that wasn’t scared of him. Even his longtime employees knew not to push him when he’s looking for a reason to rage…like fire someone.

Instead of following him, Brian went back to his office so he could seethe alone. In the less than twenty minutes that he’s been in the company of Justin, he’s wanted to kill throttle him and throw him down on his leather sofa and have his wicked way with him. Maybe he should leave early for the day. Cynthia had been right; the pitch could wait.

He gathered his things and headed out the door. Once he was outside, he saw a horrific sight. What was that monstrosity doing in his parking lot? Sitting right there for the world to see and think someone in his office drove it was a white and lime green VW van. He shuttered and thought about having it towed but he chose just to go home.

“Your boss is hot,” Justin said watching the man saunter to his car and get in.

“Don’t even think about it,” Molly said, her voice hard.

“What do you mean?”

“No fucking Brian, that’s an order.”

He shrugged. “Alright. Don’t think he likes me much anyway. Caught me coming out of the supply closet with a guy.”

She froze at her computer. “What guy?”

“Don’t know, went to look at the art department and met him. Dirty blond hair with gray at the temples.”

“YOU FUCKED STEPHEN?” 

“Yeah, I think that was his name.” He didn’t care one way or the other.

“He’s married…to a woman. He’s got kids and everything.”

“Sorry,” he said, he didn’t like making her upset.

She sighed and got up from her chair, coming over to him and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back, he missed this. He’s been a rotten brother.

“Could be worse, could be the Connor James fiasco again.”

He laughed. “I don’t think anything could be that bad.”

About fifteen years ago he was in California, it had been when he was still young and poor. He was driving a POS Plymouth Valiant that should have been in a junkyard. He was working catering for a temp agency. He met superstar Connor James and they had sex that night. What he didn’t know was some wannabe paparazzi was following Connor. So, a sextape of him and Connor James made the rounds and the man’s very public divorce followed. That was when Justin knew maybe LA wasn’t his kind of town. He then went to Alaska to try his hand at crab fishing.

“You know about once every few years some internet sleuths try and find out the identity of the bendy blond in video.”

“It’s a little weird that you seem to know exactly what’s in that video.”

“I didn’t watch it, but I may have asked my husband to and give me details.”

“You are a sick woman.”

She cackled. “Yeah, not as sick as my husband wishes. I had to break his little heart about a threesome he had planned for us.”

Justin gagged. “Thanks for that. Remind me to ask Jeff about this.”

She shrugged. “Knew he was bi when I married him. I guess like with the straight guys who have fantasies of sisters, he’s just evolved.”

“You said perverted wrong,” he said, laughing. He really did like her husband Jeff; they were a great couple. “To bring this down, we have to go meet Dad.”

That made her stop laughing. There father was an asshole. Justin hadn’t talk to him for twenty years. When he was twenty, he had fallen and gotten hurt, he had called his dad from the hospital asking him if he could send him some money so he could eat. His dad told him that his filthy life wasn’t a part of his concern anymore. Justin hated asking his mom, she had gotten screwed in the divorce, but he had no choice, being hurt he couldn’t work. She had sent as much as she could. He paid her back with interest. In fact, he paid for her honeymoon with his signing bonus with the magazine.

The drive to their dad’s was quiet. They took Molly’s car, leaving Fred in the parking lot at her work. He weirdly thought that if his dad saw Fred, he would damage him.

Their dad’s condo was nice, but a little plain for what he pictured for the man. Even though it was close to Christmas there were no lights on his condo unlike the others around it.

“Tonight, we have to go out, get drunk and sing karaoke badly,” he said.

“But you can sing.”

“Yeah but you can’t.”

She laughed and pushed him. When she was little, he never thought about his sister being his friend but now he couldn’t picture his life without her. Sadly, he was a crap brother, never calling and checking in. Never being there for her when she needed him.

“Asshole. I guess I could have fun for a night, it’ll be like Vegas.”

“God, I hope not. I don’t remember much of that night and I think that’s for the best,” he said laughing.

When Molly turned twenty-one, he invited her to Las Vegas, paid for her ticket and hotel. He is working set design in the Colosseum at Caesars Palace. It was a fun weekend and a great memory of his sister…what he could remember.

“Any idea what he wants?” Molly asked.

“No clue.”

Justin got out of Molly’s car and stood straight up. He was going to need to be someone he hadn’t been in a long time for this. For over twenty years he just did what he wanted, if things got tough, he left. His father had this way about him to make him feel like a naughty schoolboy.

“It’ll be alright, I’m here,” Molly said, grabbing his hand. It should be the other way around he was older after all.

He nodded and they walked to the front door and rang the doorbell.

The door opened and his father stood there. After twenty years there he was, standing there older and frailer than he’d ever seen him.

“Hey, Dad,” he said around the lump in this throat.

“Justin,” he said, nodding then looked at Molly. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Well, here I am.” She was making her stance; she was much more in your face than Justin had ever been.

“Might as well come in,” their father said, waving them in. He moved slowly, like he was in pain.

The place had a stale smell to it, like fresh air was a foreign thing. He started to get a bad feeling looking around. He may hate how his dad treated him, but he still loved him, and this was no kind of place for him to be living. There was dirty dishes around, dirty clothes on the floor and the furniture.

“What’s going on, Dad?” he asked. He looked over to Molly and could see the same guilt in her eyes. Just because their dad was an asshole it wasn’t an excuse to let this happen.

“Things are bad, doc says I’m not gonna make it to Christmas.”

It was like a physical blow to both of them. In his heart Justin had always thought that one day his father would say he was sorry, and he loved him. But this man wasn’t his father, this man was tired and broken.

“Oh.” It was all he could say.

“Daddy?” a small voice asked.

Both he and Molly jumped at the sudden voice. Turning they saw a small child of around five. Justin didn’t know if it was a boy or girl. They were wearing a dirty green shirt and shorts that were too small. It was too cold in the condo to be dressed like that. He looked around again for any trace that a child lived there but there was none.

“What’s going on?” Molly demanded of their father.

“Justin, Molly, I’d like you to meet your brother Caleb.”

Molly walked over to the boy and put her hand out. “I guess I’m your big sister. I have a daughter your age, her name is Summer.”

The boy didn’t answer just looked at her with big scared eyes.

“Dad, what?” Justin asked.

“Had a thing with a teller at the bank some years ago. Showed up on my doorstep with him a year ago. She was getting married and the new husband didn’t want a left-over kid. Not that I blame him.” Justin knew then his father hadn’t changed, he was still an asshole that only thought of himself.

“Why call me? What do you need me to do?”

“Thought that was obvious, I need to you take the boy.”

“What?” both him and Molly asked causing the boy to whimper.

“You used to be smart Justin, I said I called you here to take the boy. I had my lawyer fill out all the paperwork giving you guardianship. Gina even said she would give up her rights to you when I crook.”

“What about Molly? I don’t have a home; I live in a van.”

“I’ve been keeping up with you on that website. You’ve been a lot of places but that’s not living, that’s floundering. Molly doesn’t need the responsibly of a kid that’s not hers. You on the other hand need something to hold you down.”

“Why do you care? You haven’t given a damn about me since I was seventeen.”

“I know I’m never going to win father of the year on this father thing but looking death in the face, things get clearer. You move around, not staying in one place more than a few days because you don’t think you deserve a home, and that’s on me. Molly takes on more responsibly than she should because after you left and I left, she was the only thing left to keep your mother going. She had to take care of her when your mom was falling apart.”

Their mom had started drinking after he left, Molly had to take on that responsibly as a little girl. It was another thing Justin felt guilty about.

“I’ll take him, Dad, it’s fine,” Molly was said.

“No.”

“What?”

“You’ll treat him different from your kids, you won’t mean to do it but you will. The only good thing I can do for him is give him a parent that will always put him first. Justin, you was made to be a parent, I remember you used to carry that teddy bear around like a baby. This twenty-year flight of fancy you’ve been on, that’s because of me. I know it. It’s time to come home.”

Justin looked at Caleb, who looked so lost and scared. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry, I can’t take him. I have a job that isn’t suited for having a child.”

“I’ll take him, Dad,” Molly said.

“No, no, no, it has to be Justin.”

“Why? You keep saying all these things but none of it rings true. You don’t give a damn about Justin having a family. I don’t even believe you care about Caleb being first in anyone’s eyes. What is really going on?” Molly demanded.

“He can’t have a mother.”

“What?” Justin asked.

“Gina, she’s a little crazy…ok a lot crazy. She doesn’t want him, but she doesn’t want him calling another woman Mom. When I told her I was sick, I told her I would ask Molly to take him. She lost her damn mind, saying that her son wouldn’t call another woman mother. She said she would take him back, I thought that was fine, so she did take him back. I got a call a week later saying that Caleb was in the hospital. They said he fell, but I don’t believe that, her new husband broke his arm. Like I said, I did you two wrong but besides that night I kicked you out Justin, I never laid a hand on you. But you were almost a man by then, he’s just a little boy. I can’t prove the husband abused Caleb and if I leave him with Molly she’ll come back and take him. I’m scared he’ll end up dead if that happens. But I told her about Justin, the idea that he’s never going to have a wife, she agreed if Justin takes Caleb, she’ll give up her rights but only to him to adopt. Please, this is the only thing I can do before I die. It wronged you both don’t let me wrong him too.”

Justin believed that story, he had met a lot of different kinds of people in his travels. Some were so into themselves they had to have everything their way. His father would have to have found a woman even more entitled than himself.

“I’ll do it,” he said softly. His heart wouldn’t allow him to run the chance of his little brother going to a home that he would be abused.

“Thank you,” his father said, Justin saw the relief in his father eyes. He may not have loved Justin or Molly like he should, but it was good to see he at least wanted Caleb safe, that was more feeling than he thought his father had.

His father hobbled over to a trash bag on the floor and picked it up. “This is his stuff.”

Justin promised himself when he had a moment alone, he would cry for the childhood his little brother had so far. Then he would have to go about figuring out how to adult. Fuck.

That day before, when Caleb came into his life, they had gone and done all the necessary paperwork. It would take time for the more permanent things to go through but as of now he had temporary custody of his six-year old little brother. Because of his lack of damn near everything, Caleb was a closed book. Molly had registered Caleb for homeschooling, she though it would be best until some normalcy was established.

Already, Justin was feeling trapped. He couldn’t breath with his sister always telling him what to do. There was also the house, she had insisted him, and Caleb stay at her house until she found them an apartment. It was all too stifling. He knew he couldn’t do this. He started packing his things, if he slipped out of the house before everyone woke up, he wouldn’t hear the bitching from Molly.

“Justin?” the quiet voice startled him in the room.

“Go back to sleep, Cal.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve got a job I have to do.”

“What do you do?”

“I go around the world taking pretty pictures and writing about my adventures.”

“Adventures?” For the first time since he met the boy the day before there was a small light in his eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Is it fun?”

“I enjoy it.” He more than enjoyed it, going where wind blew him was in his blood.

The little boy got up and grabbed his trash bag, he wasn’t big enough to even drag it.

“What are you doing?”

“Going with you.”

Justin’s heart broke. “Oh, Cal, I’m sorry, I can’t take you. I live out of my van. It’s not a life for you.”

“But Daddy said if you don’t keep me Mommy could come back and take me. I don’t like it there, I’m always hungry and Sir is mean.”

“Sir?”

“I’m not allowed to say his name. He hurt my arm last time I said it.”

Justin wasn’t a violent person, but he wanted to find Caleb’s stepfather and kill the man.

“I thought you would be trying to sneak out,” the loud voice said, causing Cal to whimper. “Sorry, Caleb,” Molly said, seeing she scared him.

“Cal I’m going to speak to Molly outside this door. I won’t be far, alright?”

Caleb didn’t look sure, but he nodded.

Justin grabbed Molly’s elbow and led her outside the guest room. “Molly, I can’t do this. I’m not built to take care of a child. I like my life.”

“Well, grow up buttercup, this isn’t about you. This is about that little boy who didn’t ask for any of this. If I could take him without worrying that his mother could take him away, I would. You’ve been carefree for over twenty years, it’s time to grow up. I love you; god knows I do but this isn’t about you. You’ve never had to do anything you didn’t want to do. I had to take care of Mom through the drinking. When Dad refused to pay my way through college, I worked a full-time job and a part time job just to make it. I was cleaning up Mom’s vomit when she was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. I’m asking you to put just one person in front of your selfish ass.”

She turned and stormed across the hall and went into her room. Going back inside he looked at Caleb. “Ready for that adventure?”

Brian felt the chill in the room. Molly had been a bear the last few weeks. He didn’t know much about what happened but apparently her brother left without so much as a goodbye. Now he had to deal with the woman who was ready to go off on anyone. He was supposed to be the feared one here, not her.

“How is the Campbell account going?” he asked her.

“Fine,” she gritted out.

“Is it just me or are you pricklier this morning.”

“My brother just put up his new adventures. It’ll be Christmas next week and he’s going to have that little boy on the road again.”

“Little boy?”

“Sorry, I’m been too pissed off to talk about it with more than my mother and husband. The reason my brother was here was because my father asked him to be. Turns out he has another child, one as young as my daughter. He wants Justin to care for him when he dies, which will be any time now. But my brother doesn’t do responsibility. I caught him trying to sneak out and leave Caleb with me. I would take him in a second but there is a too big risk with his mother and stepfather, so it has to be Justin. I yelled at Justin, first time ever. I’ve had over twenty years of pent up rage at him. I never said anything and always kept it bottled up because I was scared that he just wouldn’t come back after that. I would rather him come around every few years more than never. But I’m just so angry. I’m always the one that has to clean up his messes. I just want him to be a grown up.”

“Sound like you want him to be someone he’s not. Did he leave the kid?”

“No, after I yelled at him, I went to my room to stew, he got his stuff and Caleb’s and left. It’s been radio silence since then, then this morning he posted on his magazine’s website. He has a traveling blog with pictures that are on the site, if you buy the magazine you get to see his full article on the place, it’s a good setup.”

“Sounds like he has the life he wants.”

“But it’s no way to raise a child.”

“Says who?”

“What?”

“Who says it’s no way to raise a child? There are so many different ways to raise kids. Partridge Family did it, worked for them.”

“Be serious, Caleb is a scared little boy, he needs stability.”

“What’s the website?” he asked.

She gave him the address and he typed it in his laptop. They were in the conference room so they shouldn’t be disturbed.

“There, that one,” she said pointing to the blog tab. He opened it and it opened up to a huge gallery of hundreds of places.

“He’s been busy,” he said, looking at the thumbnail images.

She sighed. “Yeah. Click there, it’s his newest.”

He clicked on it and about twenty scenic pictures loaded up. There was a title over the pictures, Mystic Christmas. Mystic, Connecticut was at the side of the screen. The first few pictures were all of the seaport. The pictures were amazing he felt like he was there. In the last few pictures, he saw a boy. In a picture of a lighthouse, the small boy was smiling at the camera.

“Is that him?” he asked pointing at the little blond boy.

“I didn’t see these. Yeah, that’s Caleb. Oh god, he’s smiling.” The boy was bundled up in thick looking pants and a thick snow coat with mittens and cap that his head with his hair poking out.

Brian looked at his employee, he saw that she was tearing up. “What’s wrong?”

“I just wanted him to stay here. Why can’t he be happy here?”

“I don’t know, you told me your childhood wasn’t great.” His wasn’t either.

“No, mine wasn’t great. Justin’s was a fucking Norman Rockwell painting. He always had both our mother and father. Dad would come home, and Justin would show a drawing, or a grade and Dad would coo and say how smart he was. The ONLY time Justin had to deal with our dad being upset at him, he left. I understand he was kicked out. But I don’t understand why he never came back because he didn’t…not really. He’ll visit a day or two every few years, but he doesn’t think of others. He’s always been a selfish prick and he still is. All that said, I just wish he would be my brother just fucking once. I was homeless for a year during college because I didn’t have the money for student housing. I would dream of him showing up and us living together.”

“Did he know you were homeless?”

“Well, no, but only because I didn’t see him for another year after that. He was traveling Europe at that point, living in hostels and doing god knows what for money. My brother is extremely lucky, you have no idea. He could stop to piss on the side of the road and find a bag of money, no joke that actually happened to him.”

“What did he do with the money?”

She smiled and shook her head. “He looked for days to find out who lost the money. Finally, he found them on a social media page for the area, begging if anyone found to bag to call them. He called them gave the money over and refused a reward.”

“I don’t know, he doesn’t sound selfish to me. Maybe because he doesn’t live the life you want him to it may seem like that. But a selfish person would have kept the money or maybe turned it into the police and not care if it was ever found by the owners. I think you’re upset because you love your brother and wish he were around more; you wouldn’t want that if he were a truly selfish person. Trust me, this I know.”

“Let’s stop talking about my life and get back to the Campbell account,” she said not wanting to listen anymore.

“Bye Fred,” Justin said sadly.

“Bye Fred,” Cal repeated.

Justin had to board Fred, he called Dean about his change in life. As soon as Justin mentioned that he might not be able to keep working because the van isn’t a home for Cal, Dean reacted. What happened next took a few weeks but as of this morning, Earth Time Travels Magazine became the proud owner of a ten-year-old RV. It was nice, real nice. Justin had saved the magazine so much working for them the past twelve years, he hadn’t ever needed to ask for them to pay for a hotel room or comp dinner for him. Dean flew in to sign the paperwork and meet Caleb. Dean was paying for Fred to be in storage. Now Caleb had his own bed, a place to play, eat and even just watch television if he wanted. Caleb had been running through it since he picked it up.

They pulled away from the storage lot, waving at Dean who was taking an Uber back to the airport.

Caleb was safely buckled up in the recliner, Justin heard him singing to himself.

“Do you know where we’re going now?” he asked the boy.

“No, where?” he asked excitedly.

“Pittsburgh.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be just for Christmas, if I don’t come home for it with you, next time our sister sees me she’ll throw something at my head.”

Cal giggled. After a moment or two Justin heard the tv cut on and cartoons start playing. It was good, when he first got Cal, the boy had never seen a cartoon. How in the world did that happen? His father might not have been as cruel as Cal’s mom and stepdad, but he didn’t help him like he should. Justin then felt guilty, his father was dying, it must cause pain every time he moves but he had gotten up and fed Cal. He would try and be more accepting. He had roughly eight hours to work out what he was going to say to his sister. He had even set up his phone with automatic payment, he hadn’t even thought of it until Dean suggested it. Apparently, his boss didn’t like only reaching him through email either.

“Do you have BearBear?” Justin asked as he locked up the Rv. It was too big to park in his sister’s driveway, so he parked it at a campground and decided to take a taxi.

He had Cal’s presents packed in his duffle bag, knowing his sister would want them to stay the night. It was Christmas Eve and she would want to spoil their brother. He had finally gotten the guts up and called her a few hours ago, telling her they were on their way. Guilt ate at him when he heard her sniffle. His sister was a badass exec, she didn’t cry easily.

“Got BearBear,” Cal said with a firm nod.

They had gotten BearBear at the Mystic Aquarium. They had met a nice woman at the store, Justin listened as she talked of her family. Then out of nowhere she asked if he had taken Cal to the aquarium. He had told her no; she had her son in law drive her to the aquarium all but making Justin and Cal follow behind in Fred. She then told the woman at the entrance that they were her grandchildren. Apparently, she had a grandfathered in membership, as long as she came with her family they were allowed in for free. He told her he felt bad about lying. She told him grandchildren didn’t have to be blood, and the staff probably thought she had well over fifty grandchildren. Then she invited him in the summer for her 100th birthday party. Hell, he was thinking about going. It’s part of traveling that he loved, making friends with all sorts of people.

The taxi he called for wasn’t there yet and it was starting to snow.

“I’m cold,” Cal said, hugging his BearBear closer to himself.

Just as Justin was about to call the taxi company again, a familiar car slowed down in front of him. He had seen the sleek Lexus before from the window at his sister’s work. So, he wasn’t surprised when the window went down, and Molly’s boss was visible.

“Need a ride?”

“What are you doing out here?” There was no way he was just driving through a campground.

“Your sister called me. Her husband’s had one too many and her youngest is throwing a fit. I was just leaving my son’s apartment, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“But I didn’t tell her I was parking here.”

“She’s a smart woman…also you had her look up campgrounds for you.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Does the kid have a car seat?” Brian asked.

“Umm…no, he’s six.”

“Christ. He’s still too little to be without at least a booster, five-point-harness is the best.”

“Oh, I don’t have one of those. I didn’t know.” No one had told him. He knew he would get all this wrong.

“It’s not big deal, the Big Q is still open for another hour. We’ll swing by and get one. You really want to get one because it’s supposed to snow pretty heavy tonight.”

Usually when it snowed heavy, he stayed where he was, he got better pictures and mostly did hiking. Cal had really changed the way he did things.

“Fuck,” he said quietly.

“It’s alright, you’re learning. You think I knew everything twenty-two years ago? It’s all a process.”

Justin got Cal in the car and buckled him in, hoping the trip to the Big Q didn’t take long. Now he was worried about wrecking. He hadn’t been at all worried before and they had done thousands of miles in the last few weeks. Justin then slid in the passenger’s seat.

“Why is my ass hot?”

Brian raised his eyebrows. “I would say something else but because of little ears being in the car, I’ll just say heated seats.”

The radio was on low, but they could still hear the music clearly. Justin smiled; he had been trying to avoid Christmas music because it was so repetitive while driving. Seemed like Brian felt the same way.

“Tell it to my heart, tell me I’m the only one. Is this really love or just a game?” Cal sang.

“Is he singing to Taylor Dayne?” Brian asked as they listened to Cal sing along with the radio.

“Yep. Tell it to my Heart is actually one of his favorites. We listen to a lot of music while driving. We sing loud and proud.”

Brian laughed. “I guess that’s one way to get him to talk.”

“Oh, he’s just shy right now. Usually he’s a regular chatterbox.”

Brian pulled up outside Molly’s house. They were later than he planned, the Big Q was a madhouse. Brian had been to Molly’s house a few times before; he knew her car and her husband’s car. There was a car in her drive that wasn’t either of their cars. He knew she usually kept theirs in the garage.

“I wonder who that is.” he said casually.

“My mother. My sister is a traitor. If I were you, I would run as fast and as far as you can.”

Brian had met Molly’s mother before, he thought she was alright. But after his mother Belle Gunness look maternity.

“I can go in with you,” he volunteered. Truthfully, he didn’t want to go back to a dark house.

“It’s your funeral.”

Justin got out and picked up a sleeping Cal, Brian grabbed Justin’s bag and Caleb’s stuffed shark that had the unfortunate name of BearBear.

“If you want, I can pay for a hotel room for you,” Brian offered as they walked.

“I don’t really like hotels; they feel fake to me. I prefer my van, Fred but Cal needed a home.”

“So, you got an RV?”

“The magazine did, the only thing I own is that van.”

“Don’t you want a home?”

“Home? Molly said something like that. Boxing yourself in like fish in a tank? That’s my idea of hell.”

“What are you running from?” Brian asked but before Justin could answer or more likely deflect the door to the house opened.

A prim, graying blonde woman answered. Her eyes locked on Justin and she seemed to recoil a little at the sight of the boy in his arms.

“Mom, good to see you,” Justin said, stepping in, forcing her to move back and allow them in.

The house was brightly decorated in Christmas décor that looked really nice. Brian usually wasn’t one for Christmas stuff, bad memories of a childhood best forgotten. All he had left of a biological family was his son and two nephews, but he didn’t speak to them. Both his parents were long dead. His sister had a heart attack the year before and died. He wasn’t close to her, but it still hurt when she died. Her kids didn’t even come to the service. His nephew Peter had called him and told him they couldn’t afford to bury her. Brian paid for her funeral and even went to it. Besides him there were only a few of her coworkers and that was it. She was a bitch of a sister, but she raised those kids alone after her husband ran off and they couldn’t even be bothered to drive across town to be there. He hated both his parents but was there when both were lowered into the ground.

There was sounds of laughing children, more than the two that belonged to Molly he was sure.

Four children came running in, two he recognized as Molly’s children. There were two others that he didn’t recognize, they were dark-skinned and wearing identical red Christmas dresses. A short, dark-skinned woman with a bright smile entered from the kitchen.

“Daphne,” Justin said from beside him.

“Well, I would say you were my best friend Justin, but I haven’t seen or heard from him in about ten years.”

“Jeez, Daph, way to lay on the guilt.”

“Justin, a word, please?”

Even Brian felt the chill when Justin’s mother spoke.

“Sure. Molly, can you take him?”

“Yeah.”

Justin passed the sleeping boy to his sister and followed his mother into a side room.

“Justin’s in trouble,” Molly sing-songed.

Justin sat at his sister’s desk waiting for his mother to unleash. He could tell she was going to yell. It always made him feel like a child, she had that way about her.

“What were you thinking?”

“Huh?” He was confused now.

“You have no right to take on that child. You can’t take care of yourself.”

“I’ve been taking care of myself fine since I was seventeen.”

“Maybe but you can’t take care of others, you’ve always been spoiled and self-serving. Always thinking about only yourself.”

“I can take care of Cal.”

“Like you took care of Harry?” She paused and looked him dead in the eye. “Like you took care of Walter?”

 “I’m going back out there to spend Christmas eve with my siblings. If all you have is a lost dog and Walter’s death, then we have nothing more to say.”

His heart was beating hard, memories of Walter assaulted him. He left the office before he said something he regretted.

“Justin, look it,” Cal said, he seemed to have woken up and now munching on sugar cookies.

“He’s never going to sleep now,” he told Molly.

“You deserve it for being a pain in my ass.”

Justin turned to look at Brian. “I wanted to thank you for giving us a ride and helping get the carseat.”

“No problem. I was wondering, would you and Cal like to have Christmas dinner with my family tomorrow night? I’ve got a feeling you’ll be needing a break from all this merriment.”

Justin laughed. “That would be great.” He already knew he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight; Walter was never far from his mind and when he was so casually brought up like that, he knew if he did sleep it would be just nightmares of that day.

Brian was driving over to Molly’s to pick up Justin and Cal. Just like he suspected Justin sounded stressed and uptight when he called. Cal on the other hand apparently had the best Christmas he’d ever had. His sister and her family had gotten him so many toys he didn’t know what to play with first.

When Brian pulled into the drive he laughed as Justin came running out of the house and got in his car.

“Cal wants to stay and play with his toys. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Brian didn’t need to be told twice, he backed out of the drive and headed for his house. The Christmas dinner wasn’t for a few more hours but Justin had sounded desperate on the phone.

“We’re going to my house for a while, just until the party. I hope that’s alright.”

“Can I drink?”

“Umm…yeah.”

“Then it’s perfectly fine.”

“Why couldn’t you drink there?” Brian asked, worried that Justin might have a drinking problem. He didn’t want to enable that behavior, which was a laugh with his history.

“No, according to both my mother and my sister booze would make me unable to take care of Cal.”

“No wonder you had to get out of there. They’re treating you like a naughty teen who got his girlfriend pregnant. Not a brother taking on responsibly that wasn’t his to begin with.”

“I just need to not be responsible for anything for the next few hours.”

“I can do that.”

They barely made it through the door before they were all over each other.

“I want you,” Brian hissed in Justin ear.

“What are you waiting for?”

Justin was surprised by Brian’s possessive manhandling, not that he minded. Brian made him feel wanted, young and treasured. Something that he hadn’t felt in an awfully long time…if ever. As Brian held him against the wall, Justin felt like a teenager again. Justin wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist, being pinned between the wall and Brian.

“Bed, now,” Brian said, lowering Justin to the ground.

“Where?” Justin panted.

Brian pointed to the right of where they were standing. Brian’s house wasn’t big, but it was fancy, that Justin could tell already. He didn’t spend much time on it though because he was dragged into Brian’s room and stripped of his clothes.

“I’m feeling a little underdressed,” Justin said, looking at Brian standing at the end of the bed. He was fully clothed still. Brian pushed Justin back and Justin landed on the bed.

“Good.”

Brian was sending off major alpha male vibes, good thing it was a turn on for Justin. It was funny because usually this type of behavior was a huge turn off.

Justin maneuvered himself so he was comfortable on the bed, waiting to see what Brian did next. Brian walked to the bedside table and pulled out condoms and lube. A shiver went up Justin’s spine.

“Don’t look so worried,” Brian said, smiling wickedly.

“Said the spider to the fly.”

Brian chuckled and joined Justin on the bed. Hands roamed all over his body but every time he tried to touch Brian back, Brian would grab his hands and pin them to the bed. Slowly, Justin started to feel more naked than he ever had before. He needed to tell Brian some pertinent information.

“This is hot an all but start slow, it’s been a while since I bottomed.”

Brian’s eyes widened. “How long?”

“Twenty-two years.”

“Holy shit, you think you got your virginity back if it’s old enough to drink?”

“Haha, just…you know ok?”

“Ok.”

Justin was sure he saw the stars during the lovemaking, and that’s exactly what it was. There was too much passion, too much possession, just too many feelings to be just sex. He needed to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible.

Brian had noticed the change in Justin since they had sex but chose to ignore it. He was due at Debbie’s soon and he would hear about it if he were late. Even at sixty-eight, Debbie was an overbearing mother hen. He loved her but seriously, he was fifty-one, he could take care of himself. He was a long way away from the club boy he had once been.

“What’s your family like?” Justin asked as they drove to Deb’s.

“It’s my made family not my biological family first off. There’s my best friend since I was fourteen, Michael and his mother. Michael’s husband Ben and their son Hunter. Then there is my son Gus and his mothers Lindsay and Mel. Lindsay’s been my other best friend since college. Then Gus’ wife Ariel and their daughter Maya. Then my friends Ted, Blake, Emmett and Drew.”

“Wow, you have a big family.”

Brian shrugged. “Never thought I’d have any family. I planned on living and dying alone.”

“What changed?”

“Life is a very long time to some, and it’s a very long time to be alone.”

“Really? I couldn’t imagine being tied down.”

“God, you think like I did but it’s no way to live. And no matter what you think, it’s no way to raise a little boy. Go out on adventures and take him. Let him see the world but everyone needs a home. I made that home with Debbie and Michael. You need a place to keep you grounded.”

“My sister is my home.”

“Hadn’t it been years since the last time you’ve seen her? Going years between visits isn’t healthy. Loneliness can be deadly.”

“I won’t be lonely, I’ll have Cal.”

“That’s too much responsibility on a little boy, don’t you think?” They came to a stop outside of Debbie’s and Brian decided to drop it. This wasn’t any of his business. “Ignore me, I get morose over the holidays.”

Brian saw that Justin was now pretty down. He hoped that his insane family would fix it. They got out of the car and headed to the house. He could hear loud Christmas music before they were even up the walk.

“I’m scared,” Justin said, smiling slightly.

“That’s normal. Prepare for battle,” Brian said as the door opened. It was Ariel who had his granddaughter Maya on her hip.

“Finally, Michael is losing his mind,” she said, leaning over and kissing his cheek and handed Maya over to him.

“He can wait. I’d like you to meet Justin. Justin this is my daughter-in-law Ariel and my granddaughter Maya.”

Ariel squealed and forcibly hugged Justin who returned the hug. “I’m so glad to meet you. Dad told us all about you. Just promise Maya can be the flower girl.”

“Ariel,” he warned.

She looked at him in fake confusion. “What? She can do it; I swear if you ask Victoria to be flower girl, I will throw a major fit.” Victoria, being Hunter’s adopted daughter, who was a few years older than Maya.

“There will be no flower girl, because there will be no wedding,” Brian said, Justin was already a major flight risk. Ariel’s joking was going to have him running.

“Oooh, city hall marriage, huh? I guess that’s alright, it’s what Gus and I did.”

Brian snorted, he looked at Justin. “She’s lying, I paid for their wedding, it put Princess Diana’s to shame.”

Justin laughed and all the earlier bad feeling from him seemed to dissipate.

“It had to be nice, I already had one strike against me,” Ariel defended herself.

“She was eight months pregnant. It was hilarious watching her waddle down the aisle.”

She huffed but Brian knew she wasn’t upset. He really liked Ariel, she was funny as hell and annoyed Gus’ mothers so that was a plus in his book.

“Get your ass in here,” Debbie yelled.

“Best to get this over with,” Brian said, leading Justin into the already crowded kitchen.

“Who’s your friend?” she asked as she sat down at her table, taking a break.

“This is Justin.”

Justin smiled that mega watt smile that Brian had seen and really liked from him.

“Holy shit, you are a ray of sunshine,” she said, lightly smacking Justin on the cheek.

Justin was laughing as they ate dinner and exchanged gifts. Brian’s son and his wife had gifted Brian with a horrid looking Christmas sweater. Everyone chanted until Brian put it on. Justin complimented him on his flashing lights on the sweater.

Every once in a while, Justin would look at one of Brian’s friends. Something about him was familiar. It was like a memory that he just couldn’t grab.

“Ben can you go get my photo album.”

“Sure thing, Deb.”

As the man stood up and turned, something clicked in Justin’s head. Oh fuck. This had to happened, didn’t it? When he had just been a stupid seventeen-year-old he visited Liberty Avenue. A creep came on to him and Justin decided to try another night. The next time he was out, he met a man that was sweet and tender. The man had talked about just finding out his boyfriend of years had been cheating on him. Justin’s first and only time ever bottoming besides with Brian just left to get the photo album.

Brian must have noticed his change in demeanor because he was looking at him oddly. Justin shook his head like it was no big deal. He just hoped Ben, didn’t remember. It would also help Ben’s husband didn’t find out either.

“We have news,” Gus said, cutting off Justin’s spiraling thoughts.

“What’s that, darling?” Lindsay asked as she cleaned her fork to the annoyance of Debbie.

“We’re having another baby,” Ariel said, squealing. She did that a lot.

“Another one? Maya isn’t even one yet,” Mel said, looking exasperated.

“Well, it was an accident but a pleasant one,” Gus said.

“You haven’t even finished school yet,” Lindsay said shaking her head.

“I will be by the time the baby is here. And dad already said that if I graduate at top of my class, he will give me a job.”

“What’s the good of having my own company if I can’t help my son out with a little nepotism.”

“Thanks, Dad. And before anyone says anything. The job he’s giving me is in my field, one I’m very qualified for.”

There was some more arguing but it finally calmed down. Debbie kept looking through her albums. Crying some when she got to her late husband, Carl.

Music started to fill the room. “Is that MMMBop?” Ted asked.

Justin laughed pulling out his phone. “It’s my sister,” he said, then accepted the call. “Hey, Mol, Cal ok?”

“Cal’s fine but I just got a call. It’s from a rescue in Tennessee. Harry’s been found. I first just got the automatic message from the chip company, but I called the rescue. They said he’s a little thin but in good health.”

Justin’s heart started to pound. “He’s alive?” He didn’t think Harry could live out there. He had waited and looked for him but had to leave.

“Yes.”

“Can you take care of Cal while I go get him. I want to be able to get to him quickly. With a little boy there are a lot of stops and I can’t take the RV.”

“Why can’t you?”

“It’s a big thing about mileage and the RV belonging to the magazine. I was only allowed to come here with it because it was on the way to my next destination.”

“Yeah, I can take care of him. We just got back from visiting Dad. I thought that Caleb would want to stay with him, but he made sure I knew that he had to leave with me. I don’t think Dad’s got much time left. I cleaned what I could and made a few simple meals all he has to do is warm them up.”

“I wish you wouldn’t have taken him there without talking to me first but it’s fine. Text me the name and address of the rescue. Thanks so much, I’m leaving now.” He disconnected and stood up.

“What’s going on Sunshine?” Debbie asked.

“My dog has been found in Tennessee. He’s been my companion for the last six years. I need to get him; he must be so scared.”

“Brian, go with him,” Debbie said.

“What?” Brian and Justin asked in unison.

“Well, he’s not going to be able to get a flight, it’s Christmas. He’ll have to drive. You’ll get there faster if you take turns driving. And also, I couldn’t help but hear he can’t drive his RV, getting a rental will be near impossible too this time of year. I bet the Jeep can do the trip easily.”

Justin looked at Brian who rolled his eyes. “So, Sunshine, what to go get your dog?”

Justin laughed. Earlier he had been trying to get away from Brian but now he was considering going to Tennessee with him. It was for Harry so of course he would do it.

“Sure. It’ll be fun.” He just hoped he wasn’t biting off more than he could chew.

“This is a change from your Lexus,” Justin said as Brian took a tarp off of his Jeep.

“What can I say, I couldn’t get rid of it. You’re lucky that I keep it tuned up.” Brian threw his suitcase in the back. “We’ll stop by the RV and get some of your clothes.”

“I’ll buy some one our way, the RV park is out of our way. I want to get to Harry as soon as possible.”

“Whatever you say.” Brian entered in their destination into his GPS. Justin looked at him and shook his head. “What?”

“Seems like these things are a waste of money. But as seeing now I have to keep updated logs of my mileage and expenses, I guess I’ll have to get one. When I was with Fred we just roamed.”

“Please don’t start talking about your van again.”

“It’s really a minibus, I just call him a van because he thinks being called a minibus makes him look fat.”

Brian shook his head; it was going to be a long ass eighteen hours roundtrip.

It was six miles into the trip and Brian had a new appreciation for Caleb. Justin was messing with the radio and every time he found a station that picked up well, he would shake his head and change again.

“What are you looking for?”

“Eighties music.”

Brian hit preset four and glared at Justin, daring him to change it again.

“Sorry, I’m used to driving. I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not driving.”

“Why don’t you talk, it’ll get your mind off of things.”

“Talk about what?”

“Anything.”

“Oh. I slept with your friend’s husband.”

Brian had just taken a sip of coffee he had grabbed at the attached coffee store when he got gas.

“What the fuck?”

“Yeah, the tall guy…Ben. It was before I was kicked out, in fact it was sort of the reason I got kicked out. My mom found some of my drawings of him and few pictures I took, and showed my dad.”

“You took a pictures of Ben?”

“Yeah, I asked him to model for me but since it was just a one-night thing, he let me take a picture of him.”

“You better keep that quiet. Mikey likes to think that Ben was pretty much a monk before getting together.”

“Really?”

“Ben and I fucked once at a white party before Michael even met him. We thought it was best not to bother Mikey with the past.”

“Meaning you lied.”

“By omission.”

“I hope he’s not vengeful.” Brian didn’t answer, truth was Michael was spiteful little cuss when he thought he was wronged. He remembered when Mel and Lindsay asked Michael to father their child. Michael was so excited until Mel laid out the plan. Basically, he would have even less access to his child than Brian had to Gus. Brian and Lindsay were close, so she was always bringing Gus over, Mel and Michael weren’t close at all. Michael passed on that and somehow blamed Brian for not having the child. Mel got pregnant with an unknown sperm donor, lost the baby, nobodies’ fault but she blamed herself about four months in. Lindsay and Mel divorced after that and it took them ten years to get back together.

Justin seemed to find a radio station he liked because now he was singing.

“I’m not saying your voice is bad, in fact it’s nice but Whitney got paid to sing, so why don’t we let her.”

“What? You don’t like to sing while you drive?”

“Only when I’m high.”

“Well, I don’t have my stash so that’s out of the question, anyway I don’t while I’m driving.”

“Careful or you’ll start sounding like an adult.”

Justin laughed. “I make no excuses for my life. I’ve had a lot of fun and done some amazing things. There are very few regrets.”

“Name one.”

Justin looked at him like he lost his mind. “What?”

“Name one of your regrets. You give me one, I’ll give you one. We’ve got a long trip ahead of us.”

Justin sat there for a while, Brian thought he may be ignoring him. “Alright but what I say in this car is confidential, understand?”

“Scouts honor,” Brian said.

“Were you a scout?”

“For a whole day until the old man threw a beer bottle at the scout master.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Guy was probably a creep anyway. I don’t trust any adult in short pants.”

Justin laughed. “I guess you shouldn’t see my Steve Irwin costume.”

“That’s kind of dark.”

“Not after the accident, you’re morbid, aren’t you?”

“Probably, alright, enough stalling. Spill.”

“About fifteen years ago I was pretty famous, but no one knew my name.”

Brian turned and looked at Justin. What the hell did that mean?

“Is that some kind of riddle, Sunshine?”

“Nope. Even now some people try to find out my identity.”

“Where you on a game show?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, something that people don’t know your name so something you didn’t want, right?”

“Correct.”

“Was someone else involved?”

“Yes, two people.”

“Male? Female?”

“One was male I don’t know the gender of the other person.”

“Was it on television?”

“Yes, in several differnet countries and languages. But it’s mostly known for being online.”

Online? “A video?”

“Yes.”

What kind of video would he regret? “Were you singing or dancing?”

“No.”

Brian was out of ideas. “I don’t know. Was it a sex tape?” he asked, he really was stumped.

“Yep.”

“WHAT?” He had asked as a joke.

Brian slowed the jeep down and pulled over to the side of the road. He looked at Justin, really looked. He almost gasped. Shorten Justin’s hair and it was identical to what he looked like fifteen years ago. The video wasn’t the best, but Brian and his friends had watched it a few hundred times along with every other person in the world.

“The fucking twink caught on tape blowing Connor James.”

“Did more than just that.”

“Yeah, I remember. Oh god, the guys aren’t going to believe it.”

“NO! You said you would keep it quiet.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I won’t tell, but fuck. Connor James. You ended his marriage.”

“He ended his marriage. Saying I ended his marriage is like saying the Oscar he won after he was outed was thanks to me too.”

“Umm…he did thank you. Well, he thanked Bendy Blond.”

“Way to class up the Oscars. I didn’t watch, I was in Germany when he won.”

“What were you doing in Germany?”

“Nope, you owe me a regret.”

Brian huffed. “Let’s see, regrets. That’s a hard one because I live my life without them.”

“Everyone has regrets.”

“Fine, I regret fucking a potential client to get him to sign.”

“Gross, can’t say I’ve never done anything with someone in my work though.”

“Oh? A regret?”

“No, I fucked my boss Dean, but it wasn’t for a professional gain. It was a present.”

“What?” And Brian thought he was conceded.

“He wanted to do something special for his twentieth wedding anniversary. Trust me, it was one of the less weird threesomes I’ve been involved in and his husband was hot.”

“You really are an enigma, aren’t you?”

Justin just smiled. Brian knew he was well and truly fucked because all he wanted to do was strip the mystery around the blond. They stopped talking mostly because Justin just started to stare tiredly out the window. After a few more miles, the younger man was asleep. Shit. Now he would have to entertain himself.

Justin woke up to cursing.

“Fuck!” Brian said, hitting the steering wheel.”

“What’s going on?” Justin asked tiredly.

“My ex.”

Justin was still half asleep, so he looked around, expecting to see said ex. “What about him?”

“He just called me, wanting me to get him out of trouble, yet again.”

“I’ve never had a relationship, so I don’t know. Is that normal?”

“It is with Kip.”

“Kip? What kind of name is that?”

“A stupid one. Years ago, I fucked an underling. He wanted a promotion he didn’t deserve. The only way I could get him to drop his sexual harassment suit and without fucking up my job was making him a kept man.”

“Wow, guess I wasn’t missing anything. What does he need?”

“He’s in jail and wants me to bail him out.”

“Are you?”

“Fuck no. He’s the idiot that decided to fuck get high and break into someone’s house. Turns out when you have no direction in life and ample money you can become a meth head.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. What’s another regret?”

It took a moment for Justin to catch up. Brian looked pissed and not ready to have a fun conversation like earlier. He wondered how much hell this Kip put Brian through. He said they dated because he was forced into it, but maybe he developed feelings for the man. Justin needed to cheer him up. He had a couple that weren’t lighthearted or funny, but he did have a few that were hilarious.

“Every year I’ll get a hotel room and eat my weight in pizza and watch the Indy 500 and cry.”

Well, Brian didn’t look pissed off now, instead he looked at Justin oddly.

“Should I ask why?”

“The love of my life.”

“Explain.”

The muscles in Brian’s jaw clinched. Justin wondered what that was about.

“When I was young and oh so stupid, I got a job in concession at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. I was twenty-two or so, I met a driver named Paulo. He was gorgeous and funny, and straighter than any man I’ve met. I confessed my ever undying love to him and he patted my head like I was a child. So, my regret is once a year I gorge and cry about the straight boy who I ended up helping him meet his wife. So, there’s my regret, a silly crush that I still have almost twenty years later.”

“That is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, I know. When we get gas, I want to switch. I’m going crazy not driving.”

“My ass hurts,” Brian bitched.

Justin snorted. “It wasn’t even that long of a drive.”

“Says the man that is always on the road.”

It was early morning and they were standing outside Smokey Mountain Rescue Paws. Justin couldn’t wait to see his little guy again. The last hour of driving he had been quiet because his mind was on Harry. Justin waited until Brian finished stretching and bitching before they headed to the office. They had to stop for a few hours earlier just so they were there after the rescue opened.

He could hear dogs barking but he also saw a field with farm animals. Seemed this rescue saved all animals, he thought that was good.

“How big is your dog?” Brian asked.

“Huh? Oh, he’s not big at all. He’s about fifteen pounds, but they said he had lost weight.”

“Fucking hell, you have an ankle biter?”

“That’s dogist. He’s a good boy, I’ve never seen him not get along with anyone.”

Brian rolled his eyes, but Justin didn’t care, he was close to seeing his boy now. The office window had a flip sign that said open, so he opened the door and walked in. The office was a trailer that was turned into an office. There was a smiling woman behind a desk.

“Let me guess, you are Justin Taylor?”

“How’d you know?”

“I’ve got four messages from you, three from your sister and it’s five minutes after we opened.”

Justin laughed he guessed he was a little over the top.

“Sorry, he’s been missing a long time. I thought he was gone, really gone. I didn’t think he could survive on his own out here alone.”

“Dogs are very resourceful, even little guys like him. Let’s do the paperwork then I’ll go get Harry.”

After the paperwork was filled out and he proved he was who he said he was, she left to get Harry.

“I can’t stand it; he’s going to be here soon.”

“It’s just a dog.”

Justin glared at Brian but chose to ignore the dig. Harry wasn’t just a dog. He was Justin’s best friend, his confidant, the one who reminded him it was time to take his medicine.

The door opened; Justin turned around to face the door. Harry was there pulling at the leash to get to Justin when he saw him. When the door shut, the woman dropped the leash and Harry ran to him. Justin got on the ground and scooped up his little guy. Harry was crying and whining, trying to burrow into Justin’s chest.

“I got you, I got you,” he told him.

Justin hoped that Brian didn’t see he was crying.

Brian went back and waited in the jeep until Justin and the dog came out. He had waited as long as he could but after the hundredth time Justin thanking the rescue, he needed to get this show on the road. Justin had donated a sizable donation also.

“Ready?” Brian asked as Justin got back in the car, holding the rat to his chest.

“Yes,” he said, snuggling the dog closer.

“I guess he’s not all that bad,” Brian said, reaching out to pet the dog. The dog lunged and bit him on the palm. “What the fuck?” he snapped as the dog hid on Justin.

“I’ve never seen him act that way. He loves everyone. I know everyone says small dogs are a bit neurotic, but he’s never bit anyone or even came close to it.”

Brian looked at his palm, the skin hadn’t broken. It was a warning, Harry was laying down his claim, Brian saw it for what it was. He knew a war had just begun.

“I hope he doesn’t behave this way at Cal,” Justin said worriedly.

“I’m sure it’s just because of the separation. Let him feel more secure, the drive should help,” Brian said, still glaring at the little rat.

“I’m really sorry he bit you, it’s so unlike him.”

“I bring it out of people,” Brian said smiling, he wasn’t hurt, and it had been more of a warning than attack. He just knew not to close his eyes around the dog.

They didn’t even make it out of the south before all hell broke loose.

“Who the fuck ever heard of tornados in winter?” Brian snapped.

“Umm…everyone.”

“Shut up. Let’s hope this place isn’t full.”

Brian looked at the hotel, it was the only one he would consider staying at. He’d rather die than to stay in a anything less than a five-star luxury hotel. He parked under the awning and ran inside.

“Please tell me you have two rooms left.” The parking lot was near full which wasn’t great.

“We have one room left. But it’s a King-sized suite with a terrace.”

“I’ll take it.”

Brian signed the paperwork and grabbed the keycard and headed out to the car.

“Got us a room.”

“Do they allow dogs?”

“How the fuck should I know. Just sneak him in.”

“Why Mr. Kinney, that’s against the rules. I never knew you were a rebel.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

The wind started to pick up more and the rain was coming down hard. They were on the second floor, but it was accessible from the back entrance. Justin hid the little rat under his coat as they made their way into the building.

Justin was cold and wet by the time they got into the room. He wanted to strip down and take a shower but had no clothes. That was when he noticed the bathrobe.

“I’ve never been in a hotel that had bathrobes.”

“It’s the only way to live. We’re both cold and wet, I suggest we shower together before the lighting starts.”

“Deal.” Justin was very ok with his body and anyway Brian had already seen him naked.

Justin put Harry on the ground and the little guy started to explore.

In the bathroom that was bigger than Justin’s first and only apartment. They stripped down.

“Shut the door. I don’t want the little demon to come in here and bit anything hanging on me.”

“Think a lot of yourself, don’t you? He’s very small.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Just close it.”

“Alright but he’s going to cry, he doesn’t like to be alone.”

Justin thought that Brian would try something in the shower, but he quickly washed and got out. Justin wondered if he had done something to piss off the older man. Once out of the shower and wrapped up in the robe Justin could really look at the suite. It was gorgeous. He had never been in a hotel room that had its own living room. Not only that it had a terrace, not that they were going to make use of it. Justin just hoped the storm didn’t throw the table and chairs into the glass door.

He picked up Harry and walked into the room with the television and sat down, grabbing the remote. It had been forever since he chilled out on a couch and just watched television. Brian came in dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt, he sat down beside Justin. Harry growled lightly but didn’t do anything more.

“I called your sister; she knows we’re being held up by the storm.”

“Oh, I forgot.” He really needed to work on his out of sight out of mind way of thinking.

Brian shrugged and grabbed the remote out of his hands. Justin grabbed Harry and moved him while he laid out on the couch resting his legs on Brian’s. Soon an old movie was playing that Justin actually knew.

“I know this movie, A Place in the Sun. When my grandmother had me for the summers, we would watch movies. This one was one of her favorites. She knew almost everything that you could about the actors.”

“It goes to show you, it doesn’t matter how much talent you have, if you don’t have a pretty face you won’t get anywhere. Look where just having talent got Montgomery Clift.”

“People act like he was a troll after the accident, he wasn’t. He was still hot.”

“Doesn’t matter what anyone says, if you think your damaged, then you are. End of story.”

“Is that what you see when you see yourself? Damaged?”

Brian looked at him but didn’t say anything for a long moment. “I was beaten down and just plain beaten by my father my whole childhood. My mother drank so she wouldn’t care if her kids were beaten. Long after my dad died my mother found out I was gay. Not in any normal way. No, she found out when my bitch of a sister accused me of molesting her teenage son. My mother so easily bought the idea that gay was just the same as a child molester.”

“Oh my god. What happened?”

“I spent a fortune on legal fees. It looked like the judge was believing their story until Peter, the least evil of my two nephews was asked if I ever touched him. He folded under the pressure and told the judge everything, that John got mad that I busted him stealing. Still to this day some people remember, and I get hostile looks. Once that label is on you, you can never wash it away.”

Justin felt awful, he hugged Harry and looked towards the television. “I caused the death of my little brother.”

“What?”

“I was five and Walter was three. My grandmother was sick, so she went to take care of her. She worried that we would get her sicker with our dirty little germs. She told me to take care of Walter, I promised her I would. We had a babysitter while our dad was at work. I don’t remember much about her, but she didn’t like us to bother her. She was older, maybe in her sixties.

"Walter was always getting into trouble, always getting into things. My memories from that time are fuzzy, I was little myself. I just remember I told him to stop being a baby because he lost Gus, my bear that my father had given him because he said I was too big for it. I remember being mad about that. He wanted me to help him look for it. I refused. I went to play. After a little while I realized he wasn’t bugging me like he usually did. I went looking for him.

“We had a pool; my dad was always forgetting to lock the gate around it and my mom would yell at him. I went out back and saw the gate open, I went to see if he had gone in there looking for the bear. He was floating face down in the shallow end. I ran inside and got Mrs. Yates. She pulled him out, called the ambulance and tried to revive him. It was too late though, he was gone.

“I don’t remember much after that; it was just really sad. I knew my mom blamed me, I promised to look after him. I was mad that he always got all the attention. I caused his death. I’m the reason he died.”

“You were five, it wasn’t on you. I can’t even say it was on the babysitter because accidents happen, but I don’t know, she could have been neglectful. Is this why you can’t stay in Pittsburgh or any place?”

“No, it’s not that. I just can’t stand to look at them and he’s not there because of me.”

“Your brother died and that’s tragic, but it wasn’t your fault. And fuck your parents for letting you think it was for thirty-five years that it was your fault. I have a guess this is what you’ve been running from all your life. Why Molly doesn’t have a close relationship with you. You’re scared of losing her too. Caleb must terrify you.”

“Let’s talk about something else now, k?”

Looking at Justin he didn’t have much left to give so he agreed. The storm was now full blown outside; it was still daylight not that you could tell the sky was so dark. Justin grabbed the remote and clicked over until he found a local news channel. It had the radar up, showing the storm closing in on them.

“I like the rain; it washes all the bad away.”

Brian didn’t correct him that too much rain washed everything away. “I’ve never been a fan of the rain. It’s hell on my hair and clothes.”

Justin laughed weakly. “You are such a princess.”

“That’s prince to you.”

Justin laughed again and then sighed. “I hope this hotel has a good generator.”

“Why?”

“Power will probably be knocked out.”

“How do you know?”

“Not my first tornado. Not even my first this year.”

Brian decided to bring up something that he had been thinking about.

“I have a proposition for you.”

“Oh really?” Justin said as he petted Harry lazily watching the weather report.

“Yes, I know you have no plans to settle down and get a house and all that.”

“Correct.”

“But what if you just had a home. A home that had a room for Caleb and a place for you.”

“Huh?” Justin asked looking at Brian. He looked drained but Brian went on.

“What if you lived with me? My house isn’t big, but it has another room that can be turned into a child’s room. Then when you need a place to go, you can come home.”

“But I-

“But what?”

“I’ll mess it up. I mess everything up. One day you’ll see that. I can’t do that to you.”

“If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for Caleb. I also have a pretty nice backyard for the rat.”

Justin laughed. “Can I think about it?”

“Of course. You want to see if they are serving room service?”

“Sure.”

They were back in Pittsburgh two days later; the storm hadn’t been as bad as they feared. They weren’t in a rush back either, so they took their time. Justin thought about Brian’s offer on their drive. Caleb having his own room and a backyard to play in with Harry. But could Justin stay there in between assignments. Dean had been after him to do bigger ones meaning there would be longer times between them.

“Do you think this could really work?” Justin asked as they stopped outside of his sister’s house.

“What?”

“Living together.”

“Yes.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I don’t think you’re as much a free spirit as you say you are. I think you’re terrified of hurting more people. You run from responsibility because you believe the last time you were responsible for someone your brother died. But that wasn’t your fault. You need to forgive yourself.”

Justin opened the door, holding Harry close to him. “I wish I could.” He shut the door and headed for the house. Brian drove off and Justin tried not to let it hurt his heart.

Harry whimpered in his arms when he rang the doorbell. Jeff opened the door, he looked tired.

“Thank god you’re back.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

Before he could say anything, Cal came running through the hallway. Justin handed Harry to Jeff, who went without issue. Cal hit Justin full speed, wrapping his arms around his legs. He could hear Caleb’s sobs. Pushing Cal away slightly, he knelt down and pulled Cal into his arms.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, rubbing the boy’s back.

“I thought you left me and were never coming back,” he cried.

“No, I would never. I was just getting Harry.” Justin picked the boy up and let him see Harry in Jeff’s arms.

“Is he a nice doggy?” Cal sniffled wiping the back of his hand over his face.

Thinking about him snapping at Brian, Justin was a little unsure. “He’s a very good dog but first let him get used to you then you can pet him.” Cal nodded and burrowed his head into Justin’s chest.

“I’m going to take him and get him calmed down. Can you take care of Harry?” Justin asked Jeff.

“Sure.”

Six hours later Justin and Cal were outside Brian’s house. When Brian opened the door, he looked surprised. Justin couldn’t believe what he had just done. It was so foreign to him.

“What’s going on?” Brian asked.

“I just put in my notice for work. I have two more assignments I have to do but after they are done, me and Cal would like to move in. I mean if you’re still up for it.”

Brian’s eyes widened. “Yeah, but why did you change your mind?”

Justin looked down at Cal, who wouldn’t let go of Justin since he got back.

“You were right. He needs this…we both do.”

It had been two months since Brian had seen Justin and Cal. He didn’t want to ask Molly about them because he wasn’t sure what Justin had told her. During their trip back from getting the rat, Justin had told him Molly had forbade him from having sex with Brian. He didn’t see how that was any of her business. She was a junior partner, but she wasn’t his boss or Justin’s.

He hadn’t wanted to have a relationship with anyone, but Justin had changed his mind. The only two parts that were a little worrying to him was, he would have to raise another child and then there was his sworn enemy, the rat.

Brian knew that once Justin returned, he would be unemployed. Justin had told him on the trip that his dream was to be an artist. Justin had told him his boss was not happy, mostly because he had just purchased an RV for Justin to travel around with Caleb. He had said he would get over it because they were friends. That annoyed Brian more than he liked to admit. Justin had told him about the three-way with his boss and his boss’s husband.

His cell dinged with a new messaged. He looked and saw it was from Justin.

On our way back, Cal can’t wait to see you.

“Dad!”

“In here,” he yelled back.

Gus was helping him get Caleb’s room ready. Right now, he was putting up a nameplate that Arial had made for him. Gus was a little too happy about having a “Little Brother,” Brian didn’t know what to think about that. Justin was still unsure about Caleb and Brian was still unsure about Justin.

“I got the stuff you wanted,” Gus said, holding up the clothes that Brian ordered for Caleb that Gus went to pick up.

“Thanks. I’ll put that stuff away later.”

“Don’t you think you’re rushing this?”

“Truthfully?” Gus nodded. “No. I can’t explain it, but it feels like I was always supposed to be with him.”

“Maybe this is a midlife crisis,” Gus said.

Brian shook his head. “No, that was when I got that villa in France and grew that goatee.”

“Aren’t you a bit old to be raising another child?”

“I’m actually pretty excited. I never got to have much say in your life. Maybe this could be my second chance.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Brian did too.

                                  10 Years Later

“DAD!!!!”

“Your son wants you,” Justin said, closing his eyes.

“That’s your son and he’s calling you. I said we were fine with just Caleb.”

Justin groaned. Why in the hell at forty-five with a fifty-seven-year-old husband did he think it was a good idea to adopt? It had been so stupid. Now all he wanted to do was die, then he hoped he would get some sleep. Caleb had been the perfect child, he was quiet, thoughtful, and kind. Lucifer was the opposite.

“You’re not calling him Lucifer in your head again, are you? You’ll give him a complex,” Brian said.

“DAD!!!” There was pounding at their bedroom door.

“Please tell me you locked the door,” Justin said.

“Of course, I did, I’m not an idiot.” The door opened and the little demon walked in.

Seth was seven years old, dark hair, light eyes and Justin was sure he could move things with his mind. He loved Seth to the moon and back, but Seth could make a mime scream.

“Where are my shoes? Caleb is taking me to Aunt Molly’s, she said I can swim in her pool. Why don’t we have a pool? Papa has way more money than Aunt Molly.”

Justin never told his children why they didn’t have a pool. The conversation with Molly just after their dad died had been hard. He had always assumed she had known about Walter, but she didn’t. In their dad’s will he had asked to be buried beside Walter. It was then he had to tell her because their mother sure wasn’t. She was angry at first, so angry she didn’t speak to either of them for months. That’s when Justin told her about his role in Walter’s death. He still believed it was his fault, but he wasn’t running from him anymore.

Life had been full of its ups and downs in the last decade. He and Caleb moved in with Brian on a crisp March morning and they moved out on a rainy day in late May. They had been too different. Caleb cried for a full day, wanting to go home to his bedroom and to his Brian. Justin thought that nothing could get them back together.

But Brian didn’t give up, he started asking him out. Finally, Justin gave in, and they started dating. A year in, Brian bought them a house out in the country. It had a pool but besides that it was perfect. Brian had the pool filled in. Caleb was so handsome as Justin’s best man at the wedding.

Brian adopted Caleb not long after their wedding. Caleb was smart and had planned to follow in his papa’s footsteps. Lucifer on the other hand planned to be a race car driver but he was seven.

Life could be better, they still fought like World War 3, but they made up like a hurricane. Still even after all these years he wouldn’t trade anything.

*Growl*

“Have I mentioned how much I hate that dog?” Brian asked, getting out of bed.

“Only a million times, Papa. I’m going to look in my room for my shoes,” Seth told them before running off.

“Leave Harry alone, it’s not like he can bite you anymore,” Justin said, cuddling the elderly dog under his arm.

“Just because he doesn’t have teeth doesn’t mean he can’t bite.”

“Are you telling her tonight?” Justin asked, changing subjects.

“Yes.”

“She’s going to flip out.”

“Not your sister, she’s got more decorum than you.”

Brian was making Molly full and equal partner in the agency. It was a huge deal.

“Do you ever regret it?”

“I can’t keep track of your train of thought. Regret what?”

“Us. Me and Cal. You were living the carefree single life.”

“Come here,” he said pulling Justin up to him. Brian hit some buttons on the remote and their stereo came to life. Their song started playing. Brian started swaying with Justin in his arms, he always felt so loved like this.

“And I remember the sound

Of your November downtown

And I remember the truth

A warm December with you

But I don’t have to make this mistake

And I don’t have to stay this way

If only I would wait”

Everyone at their wedding said it was depressing as a wedding song. But it was the song that caused Brian to call him after a huge fight and no contact for weeks.

“I love you. I love Gus. I love Caleb. I love Seth. I even love that demon dog.” That had been one of their issues. Brian hadn’t been able to say he loved any of them. But then like a dam breaking, he was able to say the words.

They continued to dance until Seth was running back in with Cal behind him. Cal was tall like his biological father, but that was where the similarities ended. He was an amazing kid who was almost a man now.

“I thought you two could use a morning off.”

“You are the best son,” Brian said.

“Hey,” Seth pouted.

“Don’t let Gus hear you say that,” Justin said, smiling at his husband.

Life was always exciting and never dull with his family. He couldn’t have imagined ending up any other way. Brian had been right; he had been running. It was a good thing Brian was faster than him.

“What are you thinking?” Brian asked.

“How amazing my life is.”

“Could be worse I guess.”

Cal took Seth with him and a few minutes later they heard the garage open.

“What do you want to do?” Justin said smiling.

“I have an idea or two.” He was being pulled down onto the bed.

“Are you sure you’re up to it? You are getting on in years.”

“Challenge accepted.”