This brunch was a snoozefest, thought Brian, yawning. No one, not even Honeycutt, had any juicy gossip to share; there were no hot guys to ogle - it must be Troll Morning at the diner, with other sensible clubgoers still abed; and to top it all off, the munchers had been nattering on about the cost of daycare for the last twenty-seven minutes. Seriously, if they wanted a check, they should just say so, rather than pussyfooting around it.

Brian kicked himself for agreeing to meet everyone for a ‘family' meal. He shouldn't have let Linds persuade him. He'd only conceded, forgoing a leisurely shower fuck with Justin, because he was supposed to pick up Gus from the lezzies' house right after lunch.

Brian looked up as Ben flipped his clamshell phone shut, ending the longest, cringiest call in history, and announced to everyone, "That was Mike."

Christ. Brian rolled his eyes. Like everyone didn't already know Ben had been talking to Michael. Who else, given the dopey, lovesick expression on the professor's face and the way he'd kept murmuring ‘babe' into the phone? You'd think Ben hadn't seen Mikey in weeks, instead of parting ways when Michael headed off to open Red Cape this morning.

"Quelle surprise," muttered Melanie, meeting Brian's eye-roll with one of her own.

Brian shifted uneasily. There must be something awry with the cosmos - maybe Mercury was in retrograde again - for him and the bulldyke to be on the same wavelength.

"You are so whipped," Emmett teased, flapping a hand at Ben from across the table.

"No shit. It's embarrassing." Hunter groaned, burying his face in his hands.

Ben chuckled good-naturedly, unperturbed at being caught acting like a total dork, and patted his son on the shoulder.

Shrugging off Ben's hand, Hunter swiped at his mouth and asked, "Dad still want me to cover the store this afternoon?"

Ben shrugged. "He didn't say, but he'll be here soon. You can ask him then." He took a look at the teenager. "You missed a spot," Ben noted, pointing at a dab of ketchup next to Hunter's mouth.

"He gets that from Michael," Debbie chuckled fondly as she ambled over, a cloth in one hand and an order pad in the other. "Michael was the messiest eater growing up."

Turning a deaf ear to the loud "Grandma!" Debbie reached out with the cloth and wiped away the ketchup, deftly avoiding Hunter's attempt to bat her hand away.

If he were Hunter, he'd be worried that she'd been wiping down tables with that rag, Brian thought.

"Uh, not biologically his, remember?" Hunter smirked. "Besides which, I'm nowhere near as bad as Dad. He had green gunk all over himself night before last."

Green gunk? thought Brian, repulsed.

"Green?" a perplexed Debbie questioned.

"I tried that recipe you gave me for pesto sauce," Linds explained.

"It's good, ri-"

Ben spoke over Debbie, defending his husband. "That was just because Michael was helping Jenny eat."

Mel snickered. "Is that what you call drawing with the food?"

"That was Jenny, not Michael," Lindsay chastised her wife.

Hunter laughed. "He wanted to though. Dad grabbed his hand before he could stick a finger into the sauce and help JR with her ‘masterpiece.'" He rolled his eyes again. "Like green handprints are a masterpiece."

"They are for a little kid," said Justin knowledgeably.

Chortling, Deb laid a heavy hand on Justin's shoulder. "Jen did say you left handprints all over her wainscoting when you were a kid."

"Not me!" an outraged Justin spluttered. "Molly!"

"Right." Debbie only laughed harder before reaching up and mussing Justin's hair, getting a glare in return.

Brian grinned. Justin looked like an irate blond hedgehog.

"So what's the hold-up?" Deb asked Ben. "When I talked to Michael a little while ago, it sounded like he was on his way out the door."

"Something about a customer wanting the latest issue of Green Arrow." Ben frowned. "Or maybe it was Green Lantern. I wasn't really paying attention. It was definitely something green though."

Brian snorted. This from the guy who could go on and on about homoeroticism in literature and what-the-fuck-ever. It just confirmed a long-held theory of Brian's: When Ben spouted that line about homoeroticism to Mikey the first time? It was a pick-up line, pure and simple.

Ted pointed out the window. "There he is now."

Brian could see Mikey doing his weird, flat-footed run, his jacket half on with the empty sleeve flapping behind him.

Seconds later, Michael burst through the door, sending it flying toward the wall, the doorbell jingling like it was having a seizure.

Michael rushed over to the booth where Brian was sitting, apparently not noticing Ben, who'd puckered up for a kiss. Bending over, hands braced on his thighs, he tilted his head at Mel and wheezed, "I... just... got... the... results."

"Uh, good for you?" Mel offered, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"Oh! I musta... forgot to... tell you," Michael panted as he forced himself into an upright position and slapped an envelope on the table. "Back when we had the custody squabble..."

It had been more than a squabble, thought Brian, remembering how he'd ended up in the middle of Lindsay and Michael's all-out war with Melanie and each other for custody of JR.

"...I was gonna take a DNA test, you know, to prove Jenny's mine."

Lindsay frowned and drummed the fingers of one hand on the table.

"Michael, that was never an issue," Melanie told him.

Michael smiled warmly at Mel.

"I know," Michael replied. "That was why I decided not to get the test. But then I found out there's this really cool Family Tree DNA analysis you can do, so I got a kit."

"I've heard of those kits," Blake observed. "They may not be the most accurate, but they sound like fun."

Michael smiled and nodded before going on earnestly, "It'll show how much of JR is Jewish and how much is Italian, isn't that neat? We'll have to guess at the drag queen part though." He paused for a moment. "Then I thought how I could do the paternity test after all, and put the results from both tests in a scrapbook for Jenny."

"How many scrapbooks does that make now?" Melanie asked dryly.

"Fourteen." Ben, who'd turned sideways on the banquette, squeezed Michael's ass. "But who's counting?"

Michael shrugged and laughed good-naturedly. "I've gotta document all of my honeybun's milestones."

"Including your jizz being shot up Mel's twat?" Brian quipped. "Did you get a photo?"

"Geez, Brian, gross," Justin complained. "No one wants to see that."

Lindsay half raised a hand, seemingly disagreeing, but then let it drop to the table.

"No kidding," Blake, looking green around the gills, muttered his agreement with Justin.

The rest of the guys didn't look like they were faring any better. Even Brian felt a little queasy at the sudden mental image.

"Jesus Christ!" Debbie screeched. "It's how all you guys got here, you know. Even if you got squirted in with a turkey baster."

"Ma!" Michael cried. "Enough already."

In absolute accord with his friend - next thing you knew, Deb would be going into technicolor detail - Brian hastily redirected the conversation. "Jesus, Mikey," he joked, "not only does JR look like you, she even fucking sounds like you. She's one hundred percent loudmouthed Italian."

Fuck, thought Brian as Deb cuffed him around the ear. He hadn't taken Mother Novotny into account when he said that.

"What Brian means," Ben freely interpreted, "is that the test will show that Jenny's got your effusiveness-"

A snort, hastily stifled, came from the neighboring booth.

"-warm brown eyes and your smile, babe."

"Don't forget your cute, upturned, button nose and sweet, bow-shaped mouth," Ted deadpanned.

Michael beamed. "You gotta check out the photos of Jenny I took yesterday. It's all right there."

Ted's eyebrows rose in astonishment.

Theodore should've known the sarcasm would sail right past Mikey, Brian thought wryly.

Justin giggled. "Didn't you contribute anything to JR's genetic makeup?" he asked Mel.

"Apparently not," Mel wisecracked.

"'Course she did," Deb interceded. "Melanie's got nice brown eyes too and a lovely smile. It's just the cute little upturned nose-"

"Retroussé," Justin interjected.

"Thanks, Sunshine." Debbie beamed at Brian's blond PSA, unfazed by the interruption. "Anyhow, it's only the nose that's all Michael."

Mel drilled a sharp, pearlescent fingernail into Michael's ribs.

"Ouch!" Michael jumped and rubbed the spot. "What was that for?"

Mel resignedly shook her head. "You gonna open that and do the big reveal?" She pointed at the envelope Michael had put on the table.

"Woohoo!" Emmett bounced in his seat and clapped his hands. "It's like an episode of Unsolved Mysteries!"

"Christ, Honeycutt," Brian scoffed. "There's no mystery here. Well, except for why someone would want to inseminate Mel, that is." He smirked at the bulldyke. "That's the true mystery."

Emmett's retort, "Don't call me Honeycutt!" clashed with Mel's "Asshole!"

"Don't you two start." Michael directed a stern look at Brian and then Mel, which made Brian chuckle.

"Open the fucking envelope," Mel demanded, plainly irritated to be considered at fault for something that was all Brian's doing.

"Geez Louise," Michael muttered. "Didn't you get your copy of the DNA test? I asked them to send it to you."

"Thanks, Michael." Mel smiled at him. "You're a real mensch." 

"Maybe we should order dessert?" Lindsay suddenly suggested. "I saw apple pie on the menu."

Michael wavered but then shook his head. "I need something else first." Turning to Deb, he asked, "Ma, can I get a double cheeseburger, a deluxe order of fries and a large Coke?"

Ben winced.

"Now that's my kind of meal." Hunter rubbed his palms together with relish, giving his plate, empty but for a few crumbs, a wistful glance. "Better than anything I've had in days."

Ben sighed. "I admit my tofu burgers a few nights ago weren't exactly a hit."

"It woulda been okay if it was just that, Dad, but with that green sauce the next night? I was fart-"

Deb outstretched her arm, rapping Hunter's fingers with her order pad. "Don't be rude to your dad. Or the girls," she added as an afterthought.

Hunter shook out his hand, his mouth rounding in a silent ‘ow.' "Sorry," he mumbled before jerking his chin at the envelope in an obvious attempt to redirect everyone's attention. "So, you ever gonna tell us about Jenny's heritage, Dad? She's gotta be part alien... or hyena; no human baby could possibly howl like that."

He'd be wrong, thought Brian, remembering how Gus used to wail like a fucking banshee.

Michael chuckled. "She's a baby. Of course she cries. Sometimes really, really loudly. But, uh" - Michael tapped the envelope - "This is from the hospital. The ancestry thing takes longer, and besides, I just sent in the stuff they need." Picking up a knife from the table, Michael slowly slit the envelope open. Jesus. Mikey was never that careful. He ripped the wrapping paper off presents and tore the mail open. Was he gonna save the fucking envelope for posterity too?

As she leaned forward, apparently eager to see the results, Lindsay jostled her glass and sent water spilling across the table and onto the envelope. 

"No!" Michael yelled, inadvertently pushing the envelope further into the water when he reached for it.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Lindsay immediately apologized. "Don't worry; you can have the results you had sent to us. Why don't you come over to our house? Right now even? You could stop and get the scrapbook on the way."

"Uh-" was all Michael could get out before Linds barreled on. 

"I've even got chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Just baked yesterday. You and JR can get crumbs every-" Lindsay stopped at the offended look on Michael's face, changing it to "-enjoy the cookies together. Right, hon?" Linds bestowed a bright smile on Melanie.

Looking a little bewildered by her wife's frenetic behavior, Mel simply shrugged in agreement.

"Good, that's settled." Lindsay nudged Mel to get her to stand up. "I bet our results are in the mailbox."

"Whoa!" Michael disagreed, looking intently at the envelope. "It's only wet on one side. I should still be able to read the results. "Anyway, I just ordered lunch. If Ma puts my order in." He gave his mother a pleading look as his stomach rumbled.

Deb obviously didn't want to leave the booth, but then the bell at the kitchen window rang repeatedly. "Deb!" the cook shouted. "Orders are up! Come get the food before it's cold."

Debbie pointed at the envelope Michael had slit as she backed away. "Don't you dare open that before I get back. I'll bring your food. Brow furrowing, she threatened, "Which you won't get if you don't wait."

"Nooo," Emmett fretted, wringing his hands as Deb hustled over to the pass-through. "The suspense is killing me."

Brian grinned. That was so over the top that it was obvious Honeycutt was being sarcastic. Except, apparently, to Michael, who looked like he was about to uncover the Rosetta Stone. 

Closing his eyes for a moment, Brian prayed for patience. If he and Justin weren't supposed to get Gus soon, he'd already be out of here. He glanced at his watch. He could handle his nutzoid adopted family for another eight minutes.

"Ten more minutes," Justin sighed into his ear, sounding as out of sorts as Brian felt.

"Your watch is slow," Brian muttered.

Justin giggled again, resting his head on Brian's shoulder.

Hmm, maybe they could make a quick trip to the men's room? Brian smirked, imagining Justin's surprise as he knelt down to blow him.

His incipient plans were interrupted when Michael motioned at the envelope, put a finger to his lips and whispered, "Don't tell Ma, okay?"

Like Deb was gonna believe the results had jumped out of the envelope on their own. Whatever. That was Mikey's problem, not Brian's.

Michael pinched the sheet of paper between thumb and forefinger and slowly edged it out of the envelope.

A yawning Ted caught Brian's eye, and Brian had to bite his lip to keep from snickering.

Mel, an elbow on the table and head braced on her palm, also yawned.

Emmett, in contrast to almost everyone else, looked anything but bored. He clapped his hands in excitement, the gaudy orange ruffles on the sleeves of his lilac top fluttering. His tall friend must be patronizing Torso again, thought Brian, eyeing the clashing colors askance. Either that, or the circus was in town.

Linds was the only other one who didn't look in the least bored. Her eyes darting from side to side, she almost looked guilty.

Despite Michael's efforts, the damp paper tore a little as he pulled it out. Michael stopped, frowning in consternation.

"Christ, Michael, get on with it," Melanie demanded. "Like Linds said, you can have ours."

"I was thinking of framing one of them," Michael countered, a stubborn look crossing his face, "and putting the other one in the scrapbook."

Justin's snort was muffled against Brian's shoulder.

"So I've gotta take care of it," Michael insisted, unfolding the sheet of paper in slow motion and pressing the damp, torn edges together.

Dead silence reigned for long moments, leaving Brian to wonder how much longer Mikey was going to draw this out. Once the big reveal was done with, maybe he and Justin could head to the girls' house right away. Justin was bound to dive into the cookies, so Brian might as well nibble on a couple to save his partner from a total calorie overload. 

"Wait. No." Michael's eyes bugged out as he clenched the results in his hand, crumpling the piece of paper. "Th- this can't be right," he stammered, looking at Melanie.

"What?" Mel yawned again, patently unimpressed by Michael's reaction. "Does it say you're only a 99.9998 percent match or something?"

"No," Michael corrected her, disbelief written across his face. "It says I'm not a match at all. How can I not be a match? I was the only donor."

"They probably sent you the wrong analysis," Ben said. "Let me take a look."

Brian's first instinct was to think the same thing; however, something seemed off about the situation, prompting him to hold his tongue and reconsider. As he was trying to catch hold of the bothersome niggle, watching the shocked faces around him intently, Lindsay let out a weird, high-pitched noise, like a teapot starting to whistle. She fixed her gaze on Brian, her expression pleading for him to do something. 

Brian bolted upright in his seat, dislodging Justin.

"Hey," complained Justin, unprepared for the sudden move, half falling into Brian's lap.

"Sorry," muttered Brian, staring first at Lindsay and then at Melanie.

"What's your problem, Kinney?" Mel asked, staring back at him.

The bulldyke sounded puzzled and irritated. Maybe he'd jumped to conclusions? No, thought Brian as his gaze returned to Linds, who was now fidgeting in her seat, her brown eyes still pleading with him.

Not about to dance around his realization - fuck that - Brian glared at Lindsay. "I thought you didn't use my sample."

"What!" Melanie spluttered, drowning out Justin's gasp and Ted's less than quiet "Holy fuck."

"No fucking way!" Mel vehemently denied the possibility, glaring at her wife. "I changed my mind at the last second! None of it went in. You said some of his..." She screwed up her nose. "...spunk just landed on my thigh, but you wiped it away, right? You said none of it went in, Lindsay!"

"What?!" Michael yelled, echoing Mel. "No way! You never told me you donated." He turned wounded brown eyes on Brian.

Brian sighed. "I was just following your advice. You know, pissing off the straight people by procreating. But I thought the girls didn't use it in the end, since the Wicked Witch didn't want my ‘spunk' anywhere near her."

Scowling and averting his face, signs that he was unlikely to forgive Brian anytime soon, Michael looked pleadingly at Melanie. "Why did you put me through all that if you were already using samples from Brian?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Ben agreed, not sounding quite as Zen as usual.

"Because I didn't want to have Brian's child!" Melanie exclaimed. "It was just one sample and we didn't even use it. I thought there was no chance I could get pregnant." Her eyes drilled into Lindsay so hard that Brian almost expected the blonde to combust.

Splotches of red across her cheekbones, Lindsay stammered, "I- I'd already squeezed the turkey baster, right before you yelled, ‘Stop!' But, uh, I didn't think any went inside."

"Jesus fuck," Mel fumed, her eyes still narrowed on Linds.

Evidently still stuck on all the effort he'd made, Michael waved his arms around impotently before slapping his hands on the table. "It was hard work whacking off so we could have Jenny. But I brung you a sample every fucking day for weeks!"

Melanie rolled her eyes. "For fuck's sake. It was three days, Michael, not weeks."

"It felt like weeks," Ben sided with his hubby. "No spontaneous sex, always on a jerk-off schedule."

Especially when you were wearing a monogamy straightjacket, thought Brian sardonically.

A stubborn cast to his face, Michael leaned forward so that he was practically nose to nose with Melanie, persisting in a loud voice, "I still brung you a sample every one of those days."

Mel, eyes narrowing, placed a palm on Michael's chest and pushed him back.

Before it could turn into a physical altercation, Linds said in her oh-so-reasonable, peacemaking voice, "Michael, sweetie, we know." Reaching across her wife, she patted Michael on the hand. "We really thought it had worked, that we were going to have your child."

Blinking furiously, obviously holding back tears, Michael looked slightly pacified.

Then Lindsay went and made everything worse. "But maybe it's just as well it didn't?"

"Wh- what?" Michael spluttered. "How can you say that!"

"Our doctor said we were lucky one of your samples took," Lindsay divulged. "She was surprised any of them were viable. The first one because you carried it in an open cup and took quite a while to get it to-"

"I ran!" Michael yelled. "All the way from Jerk at Work!"

Huh. Someone at Theodore's defunct business must've inspired Mikey, Brian reckoned, raising a speculative eyebrow.

Linds sniffed disparagingly before going on. "It wasn't just that sample that could've been a problem."

Now Ben took offense. "How's that?" he wanted to know. "I made sure Mike had plenty of inspiration."

"That's just it." Lindsay looked down at the table. "Our doctor said if she'd known more about our donor, she would've recommended against using the other samples because we didn't ask you to be tested."

"You didn't ask Brian!" Michael yelled.

"That's 'cause he just did it all on his own!" Linds defended him. "He even practiced safe sex for ages!"

"As safe as it gets for him," Melanie muttered, voice tinged with envy.

Michael turned to Brian.

"Blowjobs only for three months." Brian shuddered at the memory.

Mikey frowned, doubtless perplexed that Brian had never shared that tidbit with him. His mouth worked, lips twisting, before he angrily rebutted, "But that was for Gus, not when it came to Jenny!"

It was odd that the girls hadn't asked him to ‘refrain' this time around, Brian silently acknowledged. Never mind that they hadn't asked Michael, whose partner was HIV positive, to take any precautions.

Pretending he was ready to jerk off into a cup at Woody's had been a joke. Just like telling Mikey that he'd jerked off at the Gravel Pit to create Gus; he still couldn't believe Michael fell for his BS.

Brian would never allow himself to be unsafe with Lindsay. Or Melanie for that matter. He got tested regularly, and he'd been negative only a couple days before the munchers accosted him at Woody's, so he hadn't been worried Mel would catch anything from him. Beyond that, he'd figured the girls either wouldn't use his sample, or if they did, Mel's eggs would almost certainly repel his sperm.

He wasn't about to admit he must've still been high when he tracked down the girls at the diner - otherwise his brainiac moment wouldn't have happened in the first place - so he growled at Michael, "I didn't know they used my donation, okay? I jacked off in the bathroom and rapped on their bedroom door to let them know I was done."

He blanched at the memory of the door, which had been ajar, swinging open further and treating Brian to a vision of Lindsay going down on Mel. He'd set the cup down on the floor and clambered down the stairs so fast he almost went ass over teakettle, swiping up his leather jacket as he fled Dykeville. "That was it," he finished, shuddering.

Justin frowned. "How did I not know about-" He abruptly cut himself off, doubtless recalling he'd been with Ian then.

Brian was tempted to let him sweat - it still stung that Justin had left him for the smooth-talking fiddler, for however short a time - but he had needed Justin's help. Besides, fessing up should earn him at least ten of Justin's stellar blowjobs.

"I thought about your ass so I could come. Satisfied?"

Justin fucking beamed at him.

Make that thirty blowjobs.

"Who cares about that?" Michael rudely interrupted the visions of blowjobs dancing in Brian's head. Arms crossed over his chest, he glared at Brian before transferring his gaze to the girls. "You should've told me Brian donated. 'Cause something obviously happened even if you didn't think it did."

"Michael, I'm sorry," Melanie apologized, looking just as upset as the not-father. "I wanted you, not Brian." 

"Yeah, sure," Michael grumbled, plonking down on the seat next to Mel. "But then why's he the father!" He stabbed a finger in Brian's direction.

Mel side-eyed Brian, as if dumping the mess in his lap.

Brian briefly considered a rude gesture in response to the bulldyke's hairy eyeball, but he settled for a mental shrug instead. No point in getting her dander - or Mikey's - up even more.

"What a cock-up," said Justin, his gaze traveling from one person to the next.

Brian and Mel both snorted, and Brian would've sworn she was biting back a laugh.

Emmett didn't even try to contain himself, a loud hee-haw coming from the next booth.

"That's the problem," Ted opined. "Brian's cock went up when it should've stayed down."

Justin went beet red. Putting an arm around his lover's neck, Brian drew him closer and kissed his temple, nuzzling the fine strands of hair.

Blake started giggling, with Hunter only a beat behind.

"It's not funny!" Michael burst out, just as Lindsay chided, "Does it always have to be all about sex?"

"You stuck a turkey baster full of jizz up Mel's twat," Ted observed. "How could it not be about sex?"

Since when did Theodore sound just like him? Brian wondered, feeling both proud and perturbed.

"Ted!" Linds flapped a hand as if waving away a bad smell.

"So how long have you known Michael wasn't JR's dad?" Brian asked Lindsay, his eyes narrowing. "Since the beginning?" He didn't really believe that, but Linds' twitchy behavior and pleading looks were a dead giveaway that she knew something. She could've prevented this ‘cock-up' from being aired in front of everyone at the diner.

"What? No!" Linds immediately denied. "I just found out. I just wanted to talk to Mel about it first, before we let you and Michael know."

"Just found out?" Mel pounced on Linds' reply. "You mean you knew? When exactly?"

"Yesterday, okay?" Lindsay admitted. "I got home late from the gallery, and you were still at the office. I started going through the mail, not really paying attention, until I realized I was looking at paternity test results."

Mel's "Why didn't you tell me last night?" clashed with Michael's "You should have called me!"

"I would have," Lindsay told Mel, "but the whole thing disturbed me so much that I decided to go up to the studio to work it out on canvas. By the time I realized you'd come home, you were sound asleep. I didn't want to wake you up, not when you've been putting in such long hours. I also didn't want to just leave the results on the table for you. It just seemed wrong somehow." She shrugged helplessly.

"And then this morning, Gus jumped into bed with us," Melanie remembered.

"We haven't had a spare moment since," Lindsay summed up. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to just blurt it out, not without the privacy to sit down and discuss it."

"Your privacy? What about mine?" Michael excitably queried.

Melanie started, as if just recalling he was there, before arching an eyebrow and glancing around the diner.

Everyone's attention was riveted on them, no one even bothering to pretend they weren't listening in.

"I'd of known if you'd just called me!" Michael complained, not bothering to lower his voice.

Irritation coursed through Brian. No one seemed to care how this might affect him or that he, like Michael, had a right to know. He didn't know how he felt about JR being his daughter; it was still too much of a shock. He did know however that he wanted to be there when needed and to provide for Jenny, just like he did for Gus; he didn't even have to think about it.

He'd unconsciously reached for Justin's hand, the younger man's fingers closing tightly around his own, when it hit Brian that he did have someone in his corner. Someone who'd always believed, no matter what, that he was a good father.

When Brian glanced at Justin, he nodded in encouragement, letting Brian know he had his back.

"I can't lose Jenny Rebecca," Michael yelled, his voice becoming ever more strident. "She's my daughter. And I'm not like Brian. I'm not just a drop-in dad."

Brian gritted his teeth, studying the flecks in the Formica tabletop. Michael wasn't saying anything new. A drop-in dad was all Brian had dared to be, for a really long time. He'd thought his best friend would know he wanted more, but apparently not.

Looking up, he was caught by the expression on Hunter's face. The teen looked absolutely devastated. Shit, Brian thought tiredly. It had to be hard to go from having no family worth claiming, to finding two dads, who, as overbearing as they could be, did love Hunter. Now after gaining a baby sister, something he'd doubtless never expected to have, Hunter must think he'd lost her.

"We're the ones who've been raising Jenny," Ben chimed in, placing a hand on Hunter's shoulder and showing solidarity with his husband and son. "Er, with you, of course," he amended when Mel aimed a bland look at him.

"It doesn't matter." Mel shrugged dismissively. "Jenny's already got a dad, and it's not like Brian's going to pursue his rights."

Lindsay darted a look at Brian before nodding and murmuring, "Jenny's well-being is the most important."

Doubtless expecting him to agree, Melanie finally glanced over at Brian.

Brian was so pissed at her assumption that he'd comply with what she wanted that he couldn't get a word out. He didn't want to take Jenny away from Mikey, who was a good father, but he shouldn't be expected to give up his rights either. Not again.

"Fuck that!" Justin yelled, loud enough to have more heads turning. Lowering his voice, he hissed at the munchers, "Brian already gave up custody of Gus so you would stay together. If you want Michael to have custody too, so be it. He's a good dad. But don't cut Brian out. He should have rights. Above all, do what you should've done years ago - give Brian partial custody of Gus."

Mel opened her mouth, what Brian was sure would be a blistering ‘no' on the tip of her tongue, when Deb finally appeared with Michael's food.

Debbie set the plate down so hard in front of her son that some of the precariously balanced fries fell into Michael's lap. 

Too bad those hadn't landed in Justin's lap, thought Brian a trifle wistfully. He could've helped the blond clean them up.

Her red curls swinging wildly, Deb paid no attention to the fries or to the Coke that sloshed over the rim of Michael's glass, soaking the corner of the report from the hospital.

She also ignored Michael bleating, "Ma!" 

Slapping Michael's hand out of the way, she poked a ‘passion red' tinted fingernail in Melanie's face. Good name for the shade of nail polish, Brian thought sardonically, since Deb was definitely in a fit of passion. She was bound to be royally pissed that she wasn't biologically a grandmother. Gus, he mused sadly, had never quite rated as her grandson. Hunter counted, but still not as much as Jenny.

Brian wouldn't be surprised if Debbie read him the riot act - she still had a habit of blaming him for everything that went wrong in Michael's life - but he really didn't give a fuck. He was ready to blow this joint; in fact, he'd already be out the door if it weren't for Gus.

To his surprise, Deb announced, "Sunshine's right. That's only fair." She jabbed her fingernail at Mel a second time. "A father's rights are just as important as a mother's, you know? Brian's never complained about supporting Gus, although God knows you two have good jobs and shouldn't need the money. But you've always had a hand out, even when Brian was fuckin' broke."

Brian cringed inside. Did Deb have to bring that up?

"Brian offer-" Linds started.

"Now see here, missy," Deb ordered, the admonishing finger now jabbing at Lindsay. "Besides that, Brian's always been there when you needed him to watch Gus. Even if he does piss and moan about it," she added, chuckling weakly.

Brian had to admit he was impressed with how well Debbie was handling the situation. Never mind that she was defending him.

Justin looked at Brian and then Michael. "She can have two dads, you know."

"Yeah, we were already related," Brian joked. "One lesbian removed."

Not mollified, Michael glowered at Brian. "She's already got a second dad! Ben!"

So much for both Michael and Ben always insisting that he was Uncle Ben, not Dad Ben.

"Three dads then," Lindsay attempted to pacify Michael.

If they were counting dads, they might as well finish the set. "Make that four," Brian corrected. He slung an arm around Justin and tugged him closer.

Ted snarked, "Christ, two lesbian mothers and four fag dads. Kid's either going to be spoiled rotten or never get away with anything."

"Don't forget the two aunties!" Emmett bounced in his seat.

"Speak for yourself," Ted retorted.

"I meant your better half," Honeycutt clarified.

A pleased smile grew on Blake's face.

Linds bestowed a bright smile on everyone. "Why don't you all come over for cookies? We can talk about how sharing custody of Jenny will work?"

"And Gus," Justin insisted.

"And Gus," Lindsay agreed.

Melanie mumbled something that sounded like, "Goddamn Kinney genes," but didn't otherwise protest. Shrugging tiredly, she asked Linds, "You gonna call your mom and cancel?"

"Fuck," Lindsay cursed, her face wrinkling in disgust. "No. Mother would never let me hear the end of it."

"Look," Melanie said, "let's stick to the original plan. Brian and Justin take Gus, and Michael and Ben take JR. We can talk about this later when everyone's tempers have cooled down a little." Brian was left to wonder when Mel became the reasonable muncher. 

Melanie looked around. "Could you keep them overnight? That'll give me and Linds a chance to talk after this ‘country club' do." She made ‘country club' sound like 'hellhole,' for which Brian couldn't blame her. Spending an afternoon with Lindsay's parents and a bunch of other uptight WASPs would make mucking out a pigsty seem appealing.

Lips pursed, Lindsay looked like she'd bitten into a lemon, although Brian couldn't tell whether it was dealing with her parents or talking to Melanie that perturbed her more.

"Sure." Michael smiled hugely. "We can read The Little Engine That Could. JR loves that story."

"Jenny's a prodigy." Debbie chuckled. "Already reading."

"Okay, so she's just listening," Michael admitted sheepishly. "But it's never too early to inculcate the right skills."

Mikey had obviously been listening to the professor, Brian thought in amusement.

"Brian?" Mel asked.

"Okay." Brian shrugged. He'd have to wait on the first of the blowjobs Justin owed him, but it would be worth it to spend more time with his sonnyboy.

He narrowed his eyes, considering. Maybe they could whittle it down to forty-nine with a quick blowie in the Vette. Justin could hardly complain about the gearshift digging into him since it wouldn't take long for Brian to get off.

"We'll work out fair custody agreements for Jenny and Gus." Mel looked Brian directly in the eyes. "I promise."

Brian felt a tension he hadn't even realized was there ease. Like him, Mel wasn't one to make promises willy-nilly.

It'd take a while to get used to the idea that Jenny was also his. Not that he minded; for all that the Wicked Witch was her mother, JR seemed okay. Must be Mikey's influence.

Only a little later, the girls were out the door, with Michael, Ben and Hunter on their heels.

"First time out of the box, huh?" Linds nudged Mel, shaking her head.

Brian blinked in surprise as the rest of them also exited the diner. Had the lezzies developed an interest in horse-racing?

Before Melanie could respond, Michael started yapping about his honeybun, all worried JR would be upset, and not listening when Mel reiterated that she wouldn't be, unless Michael was in such a flap that she picked up on his distress.

Brian was grateful to turn the other direction, heading for the Vette, which was parked behind Theodore's sporty Volvo convertible. He fell into step with Justin, Ted, Blake and Em sauntering down the sidewalk alongside them.

Emmett hooked an arm through Ted's. "There's just one teeny-tiny thing I want to know, Teddy."

Ted eyed him warily.

"Who was it that inspired Michael at Jerk at Work? I know it wasn't Fetch, since he wasn't on the scene anymore. Emmett screwed up his face in disgust. "Thank goodness. 'Cause that would've been kinda gross."

Brian had to agree. Friends shouldn't fuck, a lesson Honeycutt had learned the hard way.

"Nope, not Fetch," Ted confirmed.

"Who then?" asked Justin, blasting Ted with a full-wattage smile.

"Uhhh-" Ted stuttered.

"I'm curious too," Blake admitted, giving Ted a coy look and swinging the hand he was holding.

A nostalgic gleam in his eyes, Ted reminisced, "It was my Rage character."

"Rage?" Justin looked utterly nonplussed.

Brian was a little thrown too. Sometimes having an equally famous alter ego was a pain in the ass. He hoped it wasn't the guy they'd found to play Rage at the Babylon event, especially given the stunt Brian had pulled, setting Justin up to find them in the backroom. Not Brian's proudest moment, but he hated being backed into a corner, and he sure as heck hadn't been ready to admit he loved Justin. What an idiot, Brian mentally castigated himself.

Ted hurried to rectify matters. "Uh, it was-"

"Doesn't matter," Justin said dismissively. "Can't beat the real deal."

Brian smiled smugly at Theodore and began calculating where he could stop on the way to the munchers'. He had to relieve his Raging Hard-on, stat.