"So, they're girls," Brian rasped. "God help us."

Justin smiled and smoothed the hair off Brian's forehead. It would be awhile till Brian's voice was back to normal. He'd shouted himself hoarse before Helen was born, only to wake up twenty-four hours later to shout some more. Justin suspected the hospital staff was praying he wouldn't get his voice back until he was discharged.

They were waiting for the nurse to arrive with a wheelchair so that Brian could go to the NICU to meet his daughter. He'd been prepared. Justin had been impressed by how professionally their OB/GYN doctor had handled everything. She'd arrived around noon with a packet of information about premature births and a lifelike model of an infant pretty much the same size and weight as Helen. Brian had been very quiet, and Justin hadn't known what to make of it; after all, he'd been quiet the day before just before he'd grabbed the scalpel. But then Justin had noticed the constant movement in Brian's cheeks as he clenched and unclenched the muscles in his jaw. He'd been quiet because he refused to cry and scream anymore. Justin had laid a hand on his shoulder, but Brian had looked up at him and shook his head. He couldn't bear to be touched. He'd also shaken his head when Dr. Russell tried to give him the model, and she hadn't pushed him. She'd talked for a while about the important milestones in Helen's development that they'd be watching for. Helen had started breathing on her own that morning, and Dr. Russell said that was a huge big deal that raised her chances of survival significantly. Justin had asked a few questions, but Brian remained silent. Eventually, he'd reached out and touched the model, which was made of gel-filled rubber, and slowly, over the rest of Dr. Russell's talk, moved it closer to him, examining every little detail from the model's feet to its distressed looking face. Justin was glad it didn't look all rosy-pink and smiley because that was not what Helen - or any of the NICU babies - looked like.

When the nurse arrived with the wheel chair, she and Justin helped Brian into it, and they rode the elevator to the floor where the NICU was located. Brian had talked a bit after Dr. Russell had left, but it'd been about nothing important. All the same, Justin could tell that Brian was utterly terrified.

Rather than wheel Brian through the unit, the nurse took them to a small private room decorated to look like a nursery. There were a lot of big-eyed baby animals, and Justin took a couple minutes (at Brian's insistence) to reposition them so Brian couldn't see their faces.

"I can't fucking stand that shit in general," Brian rasped. "But I hate it even more right now. As if I don't already feel guilty enough. Little fuckers."

"Brian," Justin said softly. "You shouldn't feel . . ."

Predictably, Brian waved his hand dismissively. "I feel what I feel," he said. "Nothing you can say is going to change that, so spare us both the effort."

Justin sighed. Dr. Russell had talked with them briefly about guilt and how a lot of parents feel irrationally guilty for their baby's premature birth, but she stopped when Brian started scowling and snapped that she was an OB/GYN, not a ‘fucking therapist.' Justin had given her a sorry-but-it's-Brian-and-we're-just-going-to-have-to-deal-with-it face. She'd nodded, but she looked sad. Later, she'd told Justin that the last thing Brian should feel is guilt. The only reason Helen was alive at all was because he literally cut himself open to save her. Far from causing her harm, he'd saved her life. She'd suggested that when things settle down that Justin and Brian either seek counseling or join a support group. Justin had nodded and smiled politely all the while thinking, "Yeah, that'll happen."

After a couple minutes, the nurse knocked on the door.

"I have Helen," she said. "Are you ready to say ‘hello'?"

Justin wanted to scream "the fuck we are!" and start wheeling Brian toward the hospital's front door. What was Brian going to do? Was he going to go bat shit again like he did when he was first told how premature Helen was and what her chances of survival were? Would he reject her like Justin felt he'd done the night before? Would he break doing sobbing inconsolably? Would he just maintain this grimly glib persona and try to act like he was fine with whatever? Justin sat down. Whatever was about to happen, he didn't want to have to be standing when it did. He held his breath when the nurse wheeled in the little incubator.

Helen was awake and waving her tiny limbs. She looked pissed off. Justin must've said it out loud because Brian said "duh." It was the very last thing Justin had expected.

"Duh, of course, she's pissed! She's hungry and lonely. You'd be pissed too." Brian looked up at the nurse. "What do we need to do to give her some of my milk? I don't want her drinking some kind baby protein shake or whatever the hell it is you've been feeding her."

Justin boggled at him . . . absolutely boggled. Would Brian ever cease to surprise him?

"I'm not a lactation specialist," the nurse replied. "But I'll see if one's on call."

"Do that," Brian said. "But before you go anywhere, I want to hold her, and don't even try to give me any shit about it. She wants to be held. Look at her! She just gave you the finger."

Both Justin and the nurse laughed. Justin had never before been so thankful for Brian's coarse bluntness.

The nurse very carefully opened the incubator.

"We strongly advise that contact be skin to . . ." she started to say and then realized it was moot. Brian already had his hospital gown open. The nurse smiled at him, lifted Helen out of the incubator, and gently laid her on Brian's chest. Justin held his breath, and he was pretty sure the nurse did too.

Brian had watched the nurse intently, and now he was staring down at Helen. The silence in the room felt like a whole new kind of silence . . . and then Helen made a tiny, angry little noise. Brian looked up.

"You," he said to the nurse. "Go get that milk-lady person, and you," he looked at Justin. "Leave. Helen and I want to hang out for a while just the two of us."

Justin looked at him as he felt his heart break. Did Brian not see them as a family? Was he going to refuse to let Justin be a parent too? Brian saw the tears in his eyes and smiled a kind smile that made Justin blink with surprise.

"Just for a bit," Brian said. "Come back in when the boob-lady gets here."

Justin nodded and stood up. Brian gestured for him to come close, and when Justin did, Brian kissed him very softly.

"You'll have a chance for some alone time with her too," he said. "Daddy."

Justin grinned a huge sunshiny grin. When he left, he closed the door and felt a wave of emotion too complex to name. His life, he'd suddenly realized, would never ever be the same again, and he also realized that he was going to be fine with that - it might take a while, but he already knew he didn't want anything else.

"Helen?" his mom said when Justin met her in the hospital lobby. "I thought if it was a girl you were going to name her Justine? I'm disappointed; I really liked the idea especially since the two of you have decided not to hyphenate the twins' surnames."

"They'll both have ‘Taylor' as a middle name," Justin replied. "It's not like my name won't get passed on in some way."

His mom nodded, but she clearly wasn't placated. "Well, it's your and Brian's choice, of course. I just thought ‘Justine' was so lovely and perfect. Not only did it include your name, it makes me think of ‘justice,' which is so appropriate since you two are gay."

Justin shrugged. What could he say? He'd really wanted ‘Justine' too, and was very hurt when that morning Brian had told him that the idea was the quote "dumbest idea in the world" unquote. He didn't know what Brian's problem was; he hadn't been such an asshole about it when Justin had first suggested it a couple months ago. But, nope, it was not to be. Yes, Brian could only rasp, but he rasped loudly and used obscenities. "Justine" was shelved.

Irritatingly, Brian had never revealed the names he wanted, so Justin just had to hope they didn't suck. He thought "Brianna" would be a possibility or even "Deborah" after Deb. He was pretty sure it wouldn't be "Joan," and he was certain it wouldn't be "Claire." When Brian had said "Helen" it seemed to come from outer space.

"Huh?" Justin had said. "‘Helen?' Isn't that kind of old-lady sounding?"

"Old-lady sounding?" Brian rasped incredulously. "Where's your Greek? Aren't prep school kids supposed to learn Latin and Greek and shit? ‘Helen' means ‘shining light.' I would've called her ‘Sunshine' except can you imagine being saddled with ‘Sunshine' as your real name? What if your natural personality is morose or cunty? Having the name ‘Sunshine' would just make you the butt of jokes. ‘Helen' is more subtle, and if we don't tell people what it means in Greek, no one will give me shit about being sentimental. Plus, it was Helen of Troy whose face launched a thousand ships - she was so beautiful men made war over her. Kind of fitting for a daughter of mine, don't you think? If people still launched ships, my face would've launched a million . . ."

"Oh my God, shut up!" Justin had said, laughing. "Okay, okay. You convinced me. Her middle name is still going to be ‘Taylor,' right?"

"Helen Taylor Kinney," Brian had said. "So it's settled then. I'm glad. If you'd held out for ‘Justine,' I would've insisted her middle name be ‘Judy.'"

Justin had just rolled his eyes.

"Let it go, mom," he said. "It's been decided."

She sighed. "By whom?" she muttered. Justin ignored her.

"Do you want to see her again? She's with Brian. I asked him if I could bring you up with me, and he was fine with it."

She laughed ruefully. "I'm pretty sure he didn't use the word ‘fine,' but regardless I want to see her . . . and him, too."

Justin grinned and kissed her.

When they entered the room where Brian and Helen were, they encountered the "boob-lady" feeding Helen with something that looked like a large eyedropper full of whitish-watery liquid while Brian held her against his chest.

"Hello Mother Taylor," he said. "Or should I say ‘Grandma Taylor'?" He didn't look away from Helen, but his tone made it clear she was welcome despite the very private moment he and the baby were sharing. "Hey, Sunshine," he said. "Get a Kleenex, will you? My tits are leaking like the piece-of-shit sinks at Woody's."

Justin got a Kleenex and cleaned up Brian's chest for him. He was pretty sure he was right when he assumed Brian wanted to keep holding Helen in both of his arms.

"Pretty crazy, huh?" Brian said. "Me and Hazel here . . ."

The lactation specialist waved to Justin and his mom with a smile.

". . . thought it'd be a pain in the ass, but it wasn't. In fact, almost immediately after you left, my tits just kind of started leaking on their own. She said it was triggered by nothing more that Helen's proximity. I hope this doesn't presage an entitled personality."

"Sorry to tell you," Justin said. "But given her dad's borderless sense of entitlement, I think it'll probably be a given."

Brian snorted. "Hear that, Ellie? Didn't I tell you your daddy is a dick? I'm afraid you're just gonna have to roll with it."

Justin laughed. "So," he said happily after a couple minutes during which the four of them just watched Helen eat. "What do I tell everyone?"

Brian didn't say anything.

"Brian?"

"Yeah, I heard you," Brian snapped. "You're not going to tell anyone anything. Same with you, Grandma," he said to Justin's mom.

Justin frowned with surprise and disappointment. "Why not?" he asked.

Brian didn't reply, and Justin repeated his question.

"Because," he said angrily. "If . . . if . . ."

Justin's mom cleared her throat. "What I believe Brian is trying to say, sweetie, is that nobody knows for absolute certainty whether Helen . . . well, whether she'll make it, and I'm sure that he wants to avoid as much as possible having to talk about it if she doesn't. Am I right, Brian?"

"A-plus," Brian said. He hadn't looked up while Justin's mom was talking, but Justin heard him sniffle.

"Damn hormones," he muttered.

"There," Hazel said, breaking the awkward silence. "She's had her fill. Good job, baby and momm . . . I mean daddy - oh God, I'm so sorry."

Brian snorted, probably very glad for the change in subject. "Don't worry about it," he said. "I stopped being uptight about it a long time ago. Thank you for your help."

"You really didn't need it," she said. "How about next time she eats, you can hold her and let her other daddy feed her. We want her to bond with both of you."

Brian nodded but he didn't look up. "Welcome to my special hell, Sunshine," he said. "You're going to ‘bond' with her, and the chances are all you'll have done is set yourself up for your own broken heart."

"Oh, Brian," Justin's mom said sadly. "Try not to think . . ."

"But I am thinking," Brian said. "No way to completely shut that train of thought out." He laughed ruefully. "You know what's funny?" he said. "Everyone thinks I must be a big, giant closet of repressed thoughts. They're wrong. I've thought every thought I needed to think. I just haven't shared most of them with anyone." He looked up at Justin. "Although I have shared more with some people than others," he said smiling. "But this particular thought - I don't want to have to talk about until I need to . . . and maybe not even then, and that's all I'm going to say on the subject. Now, let's let Helen get some sleep and get me something to eat that isn't shitty hospital food. Twin number two loathes it as much as I do."

Justin had been looking at his feet, but his head snapped up when he heard Brain's words. He'd forgotten about Helen's twin! How could that've happened? Justin watched the nurse put Helen back in her incubator and looked at Brian's still swollen belly as he tied his gown closed. My God, Brian was amazing! How could he be so sanguine in the face of the possibility that what happened yesterday could happen again? Justin didn't think he could be if he were in Brian's shoes.

Brian stayed at the hospital for the next four days as the incision to remove Helen healed. He didn't mind, though. In fact, to Justin's surprised, Brian actually suggested he stay hospitalized until the second twin was born, but he was told that wouldn't be necessary. Justin had been surprised at Brian's request, but then realized that staying at the hospital would make it easier to spend time with Helen. In fact, Brian spent every minute he wasn't sleeping at the NICU.

"Bastards," Brian muttered in the Jeep one evening on the way back to the loft. "I'm still there all the time anyway; all they did was make it impossible for me to take a nap."

When Brian was sleeping, Justin was with Helen. So that she could drink his milk whenever she was hungry, Brian had subjected himself willingly and voluntarily to using a breast pump, but no one was allowed to watch him while he used it or even talk about it. Something about it pushed Brian over some kind of ledge, but Justin didn't think any less of him for it. If he was in Brian's place, he would feel like a cow or something. He'd seen mothers at the NICU use them, and it just looked like a total drag.

Whenever the three of them were together, Justin could see the bonding that was taking place between Brian and Helen grow stronger and deeper. When he wasn't with her, Brian was even more of an asshole than usual, and Justin had learned to metaphorically tip-toe around him even more quietly than he'd had to at the very beginning of their relationship. But everything changed as soon as he had Helen resting on his bare chest. He smiled and laughed and talked more than Justin had ever seen him. He chatted with Justin, with Justin's mom, with nurses and nutritionists and neonatal specialists. And of course he talked to Helen. The hilarious thing about it was that he didn't use any kind of baby talk.

"Hey, Ellie," he'd say as soon as the nurse gave her to him. "Sleep well? That neighbor of yours keep you up? Don't worry; you'll be strong enough soon to kick his little preemie butt. Not that I would necessarily condone such behavior, but I've been known to turn a blind eye or two now and then about any number of things. Speaking of neighbors, have you seen some of the stupid names some of your fellow-incubator-buddies have? Okay, so you think you're all zen and shit, but don't call your kid ‘yoga.' And what about Lynnyx? Yeah, so it's pretty cool to have a ‘x' in your name, but c'mon. Lynnyx? No. Although, it could be worse. I was bored shitless while you were sleeping the other day, so I was reading this baby name book. Some assholes called their daughter ‘Blueberry.' I'm serious. When I was a kid I saw a movie that was based on that book about the chocolate factory guy, and I remember one of the kids in it turned into a blueberry. Freaked me out! Also, what if your kid turned out to be fat? Blueberries don't have waists . . . well, neither do I at the moment. Which reminds me - do you realize that you're going to be a big sister to your twin. Crazy shit, huh? . . . ."

And on and on and on and on. Justin had no idea Brian could talk so much. He'd probably said more to Helen than he'd said to everyone else combined since he, himself, was born. And some of the stuff he talked about was so weird and even inappropriate. He got into a whole monologue about the history of the vibrator one day. Helen, did you know that the first vibrator was invented in the 1700s? It was steam-powered, which seems like a really bad idea, in my opinion. Many people are under the mistaken impression that only women use vibrators; I can assure you, based on extensive personal experience, that that's not the case. In fact, your daddy loves the vibrator I got for him while we were in New York. It's specifically designed to directly stimulate the prostate, which, I'm sorry to have to tell you, you do not have; although I've heard there's a similar thing in women known as the "G-Spot," but you're going have to ask your aunts about that - well, not Auntie Em, at least I think not, but who knows? I don't and I don't want to find out.

Justin vacillated between enjoying listening to Brian talk to Helen and hating it. He hadn't told anyone (and probably wouldn't at least not until he could talk to Daphne), but he was terribly jealous of both of them. He was jealous of Helen because it seemed like Brian loved her more than him, and he was jealous of Brian because he'd connected with her. Justin hadn't . . . or at least he felt that way. Even when he was alone with her, he didn't feel much of anything except boredom and anxiety - not so much because he loved her and was afraid she would die, but because he was terrified of what would happen to Brian if she did. For him there was no question of who he loved more; if asked to choose, he wouldn't even have to think about. He felt crushing guilt, which made being around her unpleasant. He just felt like a horrible person, and he thought back with disbelief that he'd once fervently believed that he'd be the one most attached to the twins. What a fucking joke. Even his mother had bonded with Helen more than he had! What the fuck was wrong with him? He shuddered to imagine what Brian would think of him if he knew.

It wasn't like he wasn't trying. He tried to talk to her too, but she seemed to cry and fuss a lot when she was with him. Could she somehow sense his ambivalence toward her? He even wondered whether he would've loved her if she was named "Justine." Sometimes when he was exhausted after having been at school all day, he'd have to fight back tears and brief bursts of anger. Daphne had been right; he really was too young to be a parent, but what was he going to do about that? Leave Brian? It was at that point in his never ending rumination that he'd give himself a mental Deb-slap. Of course he wouldn't leave Brian! Not only did he not want to, but it was his fault that Brian had gotten pregnant in the first place. Justin would not be that guy who leaves his wife or girlfriend to raise his child alone. Who cares if Brian was a guy himself; the principle remained the same. Justin not only knocked him up, he'd demanded Brian carry to term and not get an abortion. Jesus! What a fucking asshole he must've seemed like! Why had Brian taken him back again and again? How'd he been able to tolerate Justin's pious bullshit while he'd been fighting nausea, fatigue and a sore back? God, looking back, Justin should be glad he survived!

"Okay, Sunshine," Brian said. "Time to tell me what the hell is going on with you."

They were sitting at a table in the hospital cafeteria eating salads made out of stuff that only resembled vegetables. The tomatoes were so far from being ripe that they actually had a green-greyish hue that was highly unappetising. As someone with taste buds, Justin was deeply offended by his salad, but as an artist, he was intrigued. Some of the colors were interesting and unusual. He could paint a still life and call it "Afternoon at the Hospital." It could be a modern day memento mori.

"It's about Helen, isn't it?" Brian asked, taking a sip from his glass of flat Pepsi.

Justin frowned. Fuck. He thought he'd been doing quite well at disguising his deep ambivalence about his daughter.

"No," he said indignantly. "Of course not."

"Bullshit," Brian replied.

Justin sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. "I don't know," he said with an exasperated sigh. "I guess . . . I don't think she likes me."

"Oh, for fuck sake," Brian said. "She's an infant. All she knows about "like' and "dislike" is that she doesn't like it when she's got a full diaper, and she likes it when she's got my tit in her mouth. She's not thinking deep thoughts."

"I know that," Justin snapped. "It's just . . . she looks in your eyes, but she never looks in mine. And when you give her to me, she fusses."

"That's because you bring nothing to the table. You aren't a source of food. Don't think there's some mystical bond between me and her - she's just hungry,"

"Now that's bullshit," Justin said. "She adores you. It's all ‘Yay! My Dad's here!'"

"Plus she can probably sense her twin when I'm around," Brian added. "Twins are the ones with bizarro mystical bonds. I bet they're missing each other. She loves resting on my belly. It's really kind of cool, actually."

Brian smiled dreamily to himself; Justin wanted to strangle him.

"You know who Helen's going to really drive up the wall," he said. "Michael. I'd keep him away from her."

Brian waved his hand dismissively. "The two of you need to fuck each other or something. The jealous feud thing is getting old."

Justin shuddered all the way to the marrow of his bones. Michael was pretty much the last person in the world he wanted to have sex with.

"No way," he said. "Have you seen his chest hair? It's beyond weird looking."

Brian nodded contemplatively. "You're right. I'd never really noticed before, but yeah."

Hadn't noticed before? Poor Michael. Brian really and truly did not think of him in a sexual way at all.

"Back to Helen," Brian said. "This she-likes-you-more-than-me crap has to end. It's really starting to piss me off."

"It's not my fault she doesn't like me."

"I am going to pretend I didn't just hear that," Brian said. "You're acting like Helen is your little sister, not your daughter. Deal with it. She's probably going to hate both us when she's fifteen so consider this practice. That's the problem with you; you have all these fantasies built up in your head about babies and love and joy and animals with big fucking eyes. Get over it. Helen's either hungry, sleepy or pissed off about something. That's it. Don't think about whether or not she loves you, think about loving her."

Justin boggled at him. He'd never in a million years imagined Brian saying about ninety percent of the things he'd just said. Brian blushed and shrugged irritably. Then he looked down and noticed the wet spots on his t-shirt. "Goddamn it," he muttered. "Guess it's time for her lunch. Come up with me."

Justin took both of their trays. He didn't want Brian doing any more walking than he absolutely had to. Helen's twin was thirty-one weeks old, and Brian was starting to waddle. Justin was careful not to bring it to his attention, and he'd ordered everyone else not to mention it either. It'd become critical that Brian be encouraged and not teased; he'd arrived at the very edge of what he felt capable of doing - both physically and emotionally. They and the OB/GYN had even started talking about planning a caesarian, but Brian was adamant about holding out at long as he possibly could. But it was obvious that he was really starting to struggle.

When they arrived at the NICU, they were greeted by a beaming neonatal specialist.

"I've just examined Helen," she said, "and I think we can take another step forward toward releasing her."

Brian arched an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"I don't see why Helen can't take a little fieldtrip this afternoon. It's warm outside, and we can get you suited up to carry her skin-to-skin. Now, of course, if you're going to introduce her to anyone, I would advise against passing her around. But I don't see why you need to keep her a secret any longer. She's going to be fine, daddy," she said, patting Brian's shoulder.

Brian closed his eyes and released the breath he'd probably been holding. When he opened them again, Justin felt certain he'd never seen such relief and happiness on Brian's face before.

"Good job, kiddo," Brian said when the nurse gave Helen to him.

"And good job to you, too," the nurse said smiling. "Ready to get her into the kangaroo snuggly and introduce her to the world?"

Justin knew he was an asshole. He knew he didn't even deserve to be called a father. But he wanted to scream and hit things. Where did he fit into this whole "good-job-good-job" picture? Nowhere. This was not how he'd imagined things would be. He'd been sure he'd fall madly in love with his daughter like Brian clearly (and effortlessly) had from the first moment he laid eyes on her scrunched-up, yellow, pissed-off-looking face. Jesus fucking Christ, he was going to cry like a little faggot. How old was he?

"Okay," the nurse said to Brian. "Take your shirt off. The carrier will hold her against your bare skin, and then you can wear a coat and keep it open . . ."

"Actually," Brian said. "I'm not going to be the one to take her out. Justin is."

Justin had been staring furiously at a random stuff animal, but when he heard Brian's words, his spun around. Him? Brian was going to let him carry Helen on her first trip outside the NICU?!

"Really?" he said excitedly, and everyone chuckled - well, except Brian, of course. He just rolled his eyes fondly.

"Well, do you want to?" he asked.

Did he want to? After Do you want to fuck me?, it was the stupidest question Brian had ever asked him.

"Fuck, yes!" he said. "Can we go to the diner?"

"Correction," Brian said. "You can go to the diner. I'm not coming with you two."

Justin frowned. "But . . . you're the one who gave birth to her."

"And you're the one who filled my ass with come like a cream-puff pastry."

The nurse and neonatal specialist cringed and turned pink. Brian smirked. He loved shocking straight people, even ones he'd come to tolerate.

"But . . . I don't know," Justin said. He was suddenly terrified. What if he did something wrong? What if something bad happened? "I . . . Brian, she's more comfortable with you."

"Then we need to start working on that," Brian said. "I'm probably going to be stuck here on my back like a beached whale counting the fucking minutes till the caesarian when she's ready to go home, and you'll be the one at the helm. Better start practicing now. Plus, you're dying to tell the others. They're all going to coo and slobber, and it would bug the shit out of me. I'm cranky enough as it is; I don't need to listen to a bunch of girly shrieking and shit. You'd actually be doing me a favor. I'm not in the mood for moistness."

Justin suspected Brian was full of shit and just as eager (if not more so) to show off his little girl, but this was a gift he was giving to Justin - a really big, huge gift. Justin gave him a sunshiny grin and kissed him.

"Thank you," he whispered in Brian's ear.

"She needs to be fed within the next couple of hours," the nurse aid, "and we're going to keep her for a few more nights here, but she's on her way home."

Justin nodded. "We won't be gone long," he said to Brian who was looking a little anxious even though he was doing his best to hide it. "How about you call everyone and tell them to meet at the diner because I'm going to stop by with a surprise."

Brian snorted with amusement and pulled out his phone. "I wish I could see their faces," he said. "Take good notes; I'll want to hear all about it."

Justin took off his shirt, and the nurse strapped on a small snuggie carrier. She was just about to put Helen in it, when Brian had a mini freak-out. He came over and took Helen away from the nurse.

"Are you sure she's ready?" he asked. He sounded very unhappy, and Justin suddenly felt like crap. "What if she gets hungry?" He held Helen close with his face touching her little head. And then he squeezed his eyes shut on welling tears . . .

Suddenly, Justin remembered his mother's words in the parking lot at Wendy's when Justin had told her he was thinking about taking full custody of the twins once they were born:

Just wait until you try to take those little babies out of Brian's arms and walk out the door! If someone had tried to do that with you and Molly, I would've torn them to ribbons with my teeth!

Jesus fucking Christ! What had he been thinking? He clearly hadn't known jack-shit about anything! No wonder his mom got so pissed!

"It's okay, Brian," Justin said gently. "I'll totally understand if you want to be the one to take her - at least come with us that way you won't need to worry."

"I'm not worried," Brian snapped, which was total bullshit because it was obvious that he was. Helen started to cry. She probably sensed that her dad was upset.

"Shhhh," Brian said against her little ear. "Your daddy's going to take good care of you, and then you'll come back here and have a snack. I promise I won't eat any hot sauce while you're gone."

He smiled weakly and handed Helen back to the nurse, who put her in the snuggie. The moment she was secure and resting against Justin's bare chest, she settled down and stopped crying. Justin felt a jolt of pure unadulterated love. He lifted his head to give Brian another sunshiny grin, but Brian had left the room. Dismayed, he looked around.

"He just needs a couple minutes to be alone," the nurse said. "You should just go now and not wait for him to come back. The longer it takes for you to leave, the harder it's going to be for him. Plus, he's a guy. He can't bawl his eyes out like a new mom can. So, go ahead. Have fun playing proud daddy and then bring her back. Brian will be fine."

Justin nodded uncertainly, but she smiled and made a shooing motion with her hand.

Justin parked as close to the diner as he could. Helen was tucked away in her car seat, which made her look even tinier than she already did. His hands shook as he unbuckled the belts and lifted her out. She didn't make a sound and just blinked at him. Justin gave her a big smile.

"Ready to be adored?" he said as he put on the snuggie and Brian's leather jacket.

His heart was pounding so hard when he reached the diner's door that he had to pause and take several deep breaths. As far as he knew, Brian had contacted everyone. He couldn't wait to see their faces!

He pushed open the door, and there they all were, even Daphne. He had Brian's jacket wrapped around him so no one could see the snuggie.

"Hey, Sunshine!" Deb screeched. "Brian called to say you have a surprise!"

Justin didn't know if it was necessary, but he held a finger up to his lips anyway.

"Ssshhhhh," he whispered. He summoned Deb to approach, and when she was close enough, he opened his jacket.

Deb went completely bat shit although to Justin's great relief, it was quiet. She looked like a crazy woman in a silent movie, jumping up and down, her pencil and pad and even her wig flying off.

"WHAT?!" Michael squawked, and Deb smacked him on the back of his head.

"Keep it down!" she whisper-yelled. "Sunshine has a baby!"

All hell broke loose although it was quiet for the most part. More jumping and waving arms and whispered "ohmyGod! ohmyGod!"

Justin was beaming to the point where his cheeks ached. He went over to the gang and let each of them look at Helen's head and touch her soft dark hair. No one's eyes weren't moist, or, in some cases, overflowing . . .

. . . and then someone asked the questions:

"Where's Brian?" Lindsay asked. There was fear in her voice.

"And where's the other twin?" Daphne chimed in.

Everyone fell even more silent than they already were. Justin held up his hands.

"Brian and the other twin are fine . . ."

Deb broke into grateful tears and crossed herself. "Thank you, God," she said.

"It was pretty scary," Justin said. "But everyone's fine." He told them as much of the story as he thought Brian would be okay with. Everybody stared at him with saucer-wide eyes.

"You haven't told us her name," Emmett said, doing a good imitation of Michael by bouncing around like a kernel in a popcorn machine.

"Well, she's a little jaundiced right now, and she spends a lot of time with either milk on her chin or looking really super pissed off, but Brian is convinced her face will launch a thousand ships one day . . ."

"Helen!" Daphne said. "Helen of Troy! How perfect for a girl with the hottest dads in the world."

Justin beamed at her even more than he already had been. His face was definitely going to get stuck that way.

"Helen Taylor Kinney," he said proudly. "Born October 8, 2002 at 7:17 p.m. and weighing two pounds."

There was another silence.

"Two pounds," Deb breathed. "Oh the poor little thing . . ."

"And poor Brian," Lindsay said. "How did he take it?"

"He freaked out when he was first told, but then he just dealt with it. You should've seen him; it was pretty impressive."

"That's what moms - and dads - do," Deb said. "They roll up their sleeves and do what needs to be done. Good for him!"

"Is he nursing?" Lindsay asked.

Justin made a face. "Uhm, I think that's a question you should ask him. Some of the details from the past few days are going to be his to tell."

Deb made a "phooey" gesture. "Of course, he's breastfeeding," she said. "Are you kidding? This is Brian Kinney we're talking about. If he's going to do something, he's going to go all out. How adorable! I hope he'll let me watch."

Justin laughed. "I don't know," he said. "Don't set your heart on it . . ."

". . . hey," Emmett said. "Where'd Michael and Ben go?"

"I think they left," Ted said.

Deb sighed. "Shit I knew this was going to happen."

"Knew what was going to happen?" Justin said, frowning.

"That he was going to have a hard time once the babies were born. He's had a hard time at every stage . . ."

"Yeah," Emmett said. "We thought we should put him on suicide watch or something when Brian got his baby bump . . . not literally, of course. But he's taking everything really hard."

Justin had some choice words to say in response, but he held his tongue in deference to Deb.

"Maybe Michael could visit Brian and Helen alone sometime," Lindsay said. "Maybe if he saw how happy Brian is and gets to hold the baby, he'll be less upset."

Deb nodded and wiped her eyes. "This has all been so hard for him, poor kid."

Justin would've rolled his eyes and mentioned that the person who's really had a hard time - and was still having one - was Brian, but then Helen made a little sound and started squirming. The world could've imploded and none of them would notice as they all crowded around Justin again. When Helen made another sound that could be a signal of some kind of anger or frustration, Justin's cell phone rang.

Everyone laughed.

"Care to place bets on who that is?" Ted said.

"Brian!" everyone said more or less at the same time.

"Hey," Justin said. "We're here at the diner. Want to say ‘hello'?"

"No," Brian said. "I want you to get the hell back here. Helen's hungry."

"How do you know?" Justin asked.

"I just do. Now get in the Jeep and haul your ass back to the hospital."

He hung-up.

Justin shook his head and rolled his eyes. "I don't know how he knows, but Brian says Helen's hungry, so I've got to get back to the hospital before he has a hormone induced meltdown."

"I'll tell you how he knows," Deb said. "It's here." She thumped her fist above her heart. "Don't try to understand it; just go with the flow." She cackled. "Not a bad little pun," she said. "Brian would be proud. Make sure you tell him about it . . ."

Justin's phone rang again.

"You're not in the Jeep," Brian said with the calm, menacing voice that always made Justin's hair stand on end. "Get. In. The. Jeep."

Brian hung-up again.

Justin gave everyone a grimace. "I've gotta run," he said. "But Helen's going to be released soon and then you can actually hold her instead of just touch her head . . ."

". . . Wait!" Daphne said. "Hazel or blue?"

For some reason her question triggered a lump of happiness to dislodge from Justin's heart and catch in his throat, filling his eyes with grateful tears.

"Blue," he said huskily. "The exact same shade as mine."