The flight from Pittsburgh to Burlington, Vermont included a stop in Philly of just a little over an hour. Justin wandered around the airport, stopping at newsstands to thumb distractedly through magazines and then at Cinnabon for a messy sweet roll with extra frosting. The whole time he tried to imagine Brian walking beside him in his jeans and leather jacket, wearing a bored, slightly disdainful expression even though his eyes were ravenously consuming every detail of their surroundings. Brian always did that – it was probably why he was so good at advertising. He watched people, ascertaining their desires in the way they dressed, the way they moved, the things they looked at. It was kind of creepy actually – the whole concept of trying to understand a person’s want and fears so you can get them to buy shit. The irony, of course, was that Brian knew what strangers wanted but was blind to the wants and needs of the person he lived with and saw every day. Although maybe it wasn't blindness; maybe it's just that he didn't care. After all, Brian couldn't make money off manipulating him, and it was clear that's all Brian really cared about. Money and his job - his creepy, manipulative job

But beyond Brian’s appearance, Justin simply couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be with him outside the world of Pittsburgh in general and Liberty Avenue in particular. What would they talk about on the plane? Probably a hot airline steward. Justin rolled his eyes. God, he was so sick of that shit. If he didn’t know better, he could easily assume that Brian was a total bimbo with nothing on his brain except sex.

And business.

I was at work, Jen! It’d been his dad’s most common refrain – and it’d also been a load of crap. Even if his dad hadn’t been having an affair (which it turned out he was), the fact that he wasn’t home for dinner most nights was a clear sign that he didn’t give a shit about his family.

Just like Brian didn’t give a shit about him.

He sat down in the waiting area for his next plane and sucked the frosting off his fingers, which would’ve grossed Brian out. Justin snorts an ironic little laugh. That coming from a guy who licked strangers’ assholes and hung out in the backroom which probably hadn’t been cleaned since Babylon opened its doors. It was as though Brian lived his life in a perpetual disconnect. Not washing your hands after taking a piss grossed him out, but spunk-splattered mattresses at the baths didn’t. What was up with that? Was Brian just so addicted to fucking that his addiction overrode his fastidiousness when it came to everything else?

If so, it explained a lot. Brian would never let stuff as mundane as venereal diseases and flesh-eating bacteria (which the baths were probably full of) stand in the way of a ten-second orgasm. It was an addiction. That was the only explanation that made sense. Either that, or Brian was merely reckless, vacuous and icky.

The airplane lady called his row, and he stood to join the line with his fellow passengers. Life sucked. What the hell was he even going to do when he got to Vermont? Hopefully, the mountains and fresh air would inspire him because right now he couldn’t imagine having fun. But that wasn’t why he was going. In fact, fun was the furthest thing from his mind, which had room for little else but hurt and anger. Brian was a total asshole. No, worse than just an asshole – he was an uncaring asshole who broke his promises.

He was never going to make the mistake of trusting Brian again. Ditto the mistake of thinking Brian might have feelings for him. It was bullshit. All of it. Fuck his job! Their relationship should be more important, but clearly, it wasn’t. Brian had chosen a paycheck over him and then tried to make him feel like a pathetic whiner when he pushed back. He wasn’t the one who was pathetic. Brian was! And throwing the fact that his money paid for Justin’s tuition in his face was a low blow when Brian knew that Justin hadn’t wanted him to pay for school for exactly that reason! He didn’t want to feel indebted to Brian. In fact he hated it, and even worse, Brian knew that! But that hadn’t stopped him from using it as a weapon to make Justin feel bad for being upset. Jesus, what an asshole! Fuck him – Justin doubted Brian would even care that he’d gone to Vermont without him, but hopefully he was wrong. Hopefully, Brian felt like the shithead he was. It served him right.

When he arrived at Burlington's airport, he gave Brian’s name at the car rental kiosk and decided to upgrade from a Ford Escape to a Cadillac Escalade. The fact that it was an extra $99 per day made the choice even easier. Brian could pay for it with his oh-so important job. After all, wasn’t that why Justin was spending the week alone? Because Brian’s job was more important than him and their “relationship”?

The drive to Stowe Mountain was treacherous but beautiful. Snow fell on the branches of the evergreens, bending them to the ground as though they were bowing in prayer. The quaint village of Stowe itself looked like something out of a painting by Thomas Kinkade – but in a good way. The lampposts lining the main street were garnished with little white lights, and people wearing parkas, snow boots and ski hats strolled down the brick sidewalks. It was everything Justin had imagined. For a moment he was happy, but then he remembered that he was alone, and being alone had not been part of the dream trip he'd planned.

Fuck it. Fuck it.

It was dusk when he reached the ski resort itself – it’d taken him longer than it should have because of the snow-covered roads. He pulled up in front of the main lodge. Of course, Brian had balked at the idea of a B&B, but that’d been okay. The lodge was truly awesome, and Justin was sure Brian had reserved one of the most expensive rooms. He drove up to the main doors and gave his keys to a valet while another valet unloaded his bags and board and brought them up to his room. Justin tipped both men very generously – so generously that both of them asked if he’d mistaken a fifty for a five. He assured them he hadn’t. Fortunately, Brian had given him a wad of cash before he bailed. Justin planned to spend all of it.

He was right about the room. It was on the top floor and had a magnificent view of the surrounding mountains. There was also an enormous fireplace and an even more enormous Jacuzzi. The bed itself was bigger than Brian’s, and yes, there actually were mints on the pillows. Expensive mints. Justin opened one and popped the whole thing in his mouth.

Now that he was in a private setting, it was easier to imagine Brian with him. Brian would toe off his boots and hang his jacket in the closet before strolling around with his hands clasped behind his back. Eventually, he’d turn around and open his arms.

So, he’d say. What do you think?

Justin would run to him. First, they’d kiss, then they’d start groping, then they’d undress, and eventually they’d suck and fuck on every convenient surface they could find. Brian wouldn’t be satisfied until Justin had come at least three times, after that he’d let go of his control, and for just a few seconds, he’d become someone else. Someone capable of bliss, of joy. And then it would be over. Next, they’d probably soak in the Jacuzzi and take a shower. After that, they’d both be starving, and Brian would tell him to ask room service for anything he wanted. When the guy eventually showed up at the door, Brian would turn on his gaydar, and if the guy passed the test, Brian would flirt with him until he either fled or came in. If he came in, they’d have a threesome. By the time they’d finished fucking, eaten supper and turned off the lights, Brian would be asleep in a nanosecond and dead to the world.

In the morning, they’d fuck and then eat and then . . . . but that’s where Justin’s imagination failed him. He simply could not picture Brian putting on ski pants and ski boots and riding the gondola to the top of the mountain. He simply could not imagine Brian skiing along beside him, the sun glinting off his squillion-dollar sunglasses. He couldn’t imagine Brian eating lunch in the crowded summit lodge. He couldn’t picture any of those things.

It was that realization that made him start to cry. He’d so wanted to see Brian outside the fishbowl they lived in. He’d wanted to see his expressions and discover what they’d talk about. He’d wanted to see if there was a them. As it turned out, Brian didn’t even have to be with him to figure out the answer. There was no “them.” There’d never been a “them.” There never would be a “them.”

Brian had made that crystal clear.

It’s business – my business.

Translation:

1.) My job is more important than the trip, more important than our “relationship,” even more important than you.
2.) You mean so little to me that I can’t be bothered to explain the situation.
3.) You’re a whiny little faggot if you argue with me.
4.) Why aren’t you at school? If you weren’t here bugging me, I wouldn’t even have to tell you anything at all because your feelings are that inconsequential to me.
5.) Don’t give me shit – you wouldn’t have a place to live but for my important job.
6.) Don’t give me shit – don’t you remember I’m paying your tuition? Or have you conveniently forgotten that fact?
7.) You are a silly child who doesn’t understand the adult world.
8.) You are a pain in the ass.
9.) You are a waste of my time.
10.) You are nothing to me, Sunshine. You never were, and you never will be.



Justin angrily wiped away his tears. Fuck it! He was going to have a good time even if killed him. He hadn’t been on a vacation in ages, and he was going to enjoy himself come Hell or high water. The weather forecast looked great. The snow conditions were perfect. He’d been so excited to get on the slopes, and he still could be. The only thing that could stop him was himself. He was not going to wallow in self-pity. He wasn’t even going to sulk and stew in anger. He was going to have a good time, and in the process show Brian he wasn’t needed, so he could just fuck off and take “his business” with him.

He'd stopped at Burger King on his way to the resort, so he didn't need to order food from the kitchen. He did request a bottle of wine, though - a very expensive bottle of wine - to drink with his Whopper. After he ate his last fry and drained his last glass, he took a long shower, letting the water loosening the knotted muscles in his neck and shoulders. He was not going to think about Brian washing his hair; he was not going to think about Brian soaping his back, and he definitely was not going to think about Brian on his knees sucking his cock, or jerking him off in his slippery fist, or pressing him against the glass and entering him with one thrust and a grunt of satisfaction.

Fuck. Trying not to think of those things made him think of those things. Dammit. He jerked off and came as quickly as possible. The orgasm served no other purpose than to make falling asleep easier. There was nothing erotic about it – it was simply a means to an end.

The bed was huge, and the duvet as puffy as a cloud. He turned on his side, so that his back was facing the center. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but was anything about their “relationship” what it was supposed to be? Or was it merely a glorified roommate situation, it’s “rules” defined by Brian’s obsession with being queer and his loathing of anything that smacked of heterosexuality? Was that what Justin wanted? To be a guinea pig in Brian’s experiment? The wall off which Brian bounced possibilities? The eye of Brian’s hurricane of fear and prejudice? The canary to his coal mine?

The answer was becoming increasingly clear, and it was “no.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Get out!” Emmet froze, his spoon suspended in the air halfway between his plate and his mouth.

“It’s true,” Michael said, poking at his “clam” chowder.

“No way!” Ted exclaimed. Unlike Emmett, he’d dropped his fork with a clatter.

“I’m telling you it’s true,” Michael said. “Why would I joke about something like that?”

Emmett’s expression conveyed a look of profound admiration. “One thing I’ll say for sure – that kid’s got some serious balls.”

“Yeah, he does,” Ted added. “Ditching Brian like that? I wonder if Brian even knows.”

“Don’t know,” Michael replied. “Justin didn’t say anything about not telling him, so maybe he did tell Brian. I hope he did because if he didn’t that’s pretty shitty.”

“Pretty funny, that is,” Emmett said with a gleeful snort.

“Can you just imagine his face when he finds out?” Ted said, sounding just as gleeful.

“Ah, to be a fly on the wall . . .” Emmett gazed at Ted wistfully

Michael was indignant. “You guys are being assholes – seriously! Brian doesn’t deserve this crap. He had to go to Chicago. He’s going to get fired if he didn’t. Hell, from the way he said it, it sounds like he might get fired anyway. His new boss sounds like a real dick.”

“C’mon, Michael,” Ted said, patting Michael’s shoulder. “We’re just having a bit of fun. Don’t pretend you don’t feel even a little schadenfreude.”

“Shaw-den what? I don’t even know what that means.” Poor Michael looked confused.

“It means to take pleasure in another’s misfortune,” Ted replied.

“Oh, I’ll have to remember that one. But back to Brian getting ditched . . .” Emmett was interrupted by a red-haired whirlwind of indignation.

“Brian got ditched?! What’re you talking about?!” Debbie had obviously overheard their conversation.

“Ma, will you please calm down?” Michael begged. “I have a headache from doing bookkeeping all morning.”

“That’ll do it to you,” Ted said with sympathy. “Trust me, I know from long, grueling experience.”

“What’s going on?!” Deb screeched, ignoring her son’s plea. “I thought Sunshine and Brian were going to Vermont for the week.”

“They were going to Vermont for the week,” Michael said. “But something came up at work, and Brian couldn’t go . . .”

“. . . and get this, Deb – Justin just went ahead without him,” Ted added to the kerfuffle.

“He did?!” Deb shrieked. “Good for him! It serves Brian right! He’s been taking that poor boy for granted ever since he met him . . . !”

“That’s not true, ma, and you know it,” Michael jumped in before she could go off on a tirade. “Brian took care of Justin after he was bashed.”

“Maybe,” Deb conceded. “But one good deed doesn’t mean you get off scot-free for the next bad one. Poor Sunshine! He’d been looking forward to that trip so much.”

“So had Brian,” Michael said. “He told me all about the awesome place they were staying . . .”

“. . . and how many times he’d be fucking Justin in it,” Emmett interrupted.

“Well, yeah, but so what?” Michael asked. “That’s how Brian always talks.”

“That’s because all he thinks about is his dick.” Deb readied her pad to take their orders.

“Look, he wouldn’t have made all the plans and arrangements if he hadn’t intended to go,” Michael said. “Everything’s probably already paid for.”

“Like that matters to Brian,” Ted added. “Having to throw money out the window probably didn’t bother him for even a second.”

“Don’t you think that if Brian gets back soon enough, he might still go to Vermont?” Michael replied. “No one’s even considered that. All you guys want to do is criticize him.”

“Well, if he was planning to go to Vermont when he came back,” Emmett said. “He definitely won’t now. Justin basically flipped him the bird.”

“And you know how Brian feels about chasing after people,” Ted added.

“Nothing ever gets in the way of that asshole’s pride,” Deb said, retrieving her pen from behind her ear. “Especially not caring about other people’s feelings. His pride’s almost as important to him as getting his dick sucked.”

“Ma, will you please stop?” Michael pleaded. “You make it sound like there’s nothing at all that’s good about Brian.”

“There is, but it’s pretty deeply fucking buried,” she replied. “Now, what’ll you boys have for dessert?”

“The look on Brian’s face when he gets home and finds out Justin’s in Vermont . . .” Emmett said, rubbing his hands as though preparing to dig into a feast.

“. . . with whipped cream and a cherry on top, please,” Ted added.

Debbie guffaws. “Coming right up. I must say my estimation of Sunshine just got even higher. That kid’s not going to let anyone treat him like shit, not even Brian fucking Kinney!”

“I know I should probably feel bad for Brian . . .” Emmett said, trying to look contrite.

“. . . but you so don’t,” Ted replied. “C’mon, Em, wallow in glee with me for just a little bit longer.”

“You guys are assholes,” Michael said angrily. “I’m going back to the store. Ma, I’ll take my lemon bar to go.”

Deb sighed. “You’re always going to make excuses for him, aren’t you? You always have, and you always will.”

“I’m not making excuses for him,” Michael said. “I’m trying to tell you guys that Brian didn’t have a choice. Ted, you got fired. You must know how it feels to have your job on the line.”

“How do you know his job was even on the line?” Ted asked. “Maybe he was just making an excuse for being an asshole and not going. That’s his typical M.O.”

“‘M.O’? Is that like B.O.? Say what you will about Brian, but body odor has never been a problem for him,” Emmett said around a mouthful of fries.

“‘M.O. Modus operandi,” Ted clarified. “It means the way you typically operate, and Brian typically operates by making excuses for his bad behavior usually by telling you that you deserved it because you’re a hopeless loser. Believe me, I know. I seem to be his favorite target.”

“Look, I’m not saying Brian’s perfect,” Michael said. “But he’s been good to Justin, and he’s afraid he’ll lose his job. You guys don’t know how important his job is to him. He’s worked really hard to get where he is. Before yesterday, he thought he was going to be made partner, and now he’s having to prove he shouldn’t be fired. It really sucks.”

“Well, so does disappointing poor Sunshine,” Deb added.

“An asshole caught between two assholes – one literal asshole and one figurative one. It’s rather poetic in a way.” Ted couldn’t help but laugh at his own joke even though none of his companions got the reference to the Greek myth of Scylla and Charybdis. If Brian were there, he would’ve appreciated it and flashed Ted that little, secret “we’re in on this together ‘coz we’re smarter than they are” smile. Ted hated to admit how much those moments meant to him.

“Teddy, that’s not very nice . . .” Emmett said with feigned disappointment.

“. . . not nice, but true,” Ted said, grinning at him. “The truth sometimes hurts.”

“Alright, here’s your lemon bar to go, sweetie.” Deb handed Michael a Styrofoam box.

“Have fun with your men in tights,” Emmett said around another mouthful of fries.

“And don’t worry about Brian,” Ted assured him. “I doubt he’ll be broken up when he finds out Justin went without him. He’ll get a blowjob and forget all about it like he always does.”

They all wave to Michael as he walks to the door.

“Bye, sweetheart!”

“Bye-bye, sweetie!”

“Bye, Michael!”

“I’ll go give your orders to the kitchen, boys,” Deb said with a weary sigh when the door closed behind her son.

“Thanks, Deb,” Emmett said with a commiserating expression.

“God, when is Michael ever going to stop twisting the facts until Brian looks like anything but an asshole?” Ted asked, sounding frustrated.

“Never, is my guess,” Emmett replied.

“It’s so frustrating! It’s like he’s willfully blind.”

“There’s no ‘like’ about it – he is willfully blind.”

“Well, thankfully Justin isn’t as well. I wouldn’t be able to stand to have two Brian Kinney apologists around making excuses for him all the time and dressing up his bullshit in Armani suits.”

“I still cannot believe Justin went alone. If you’d asked me if I thought he would, I’d say ‘no way.’ Obviously, I’ve underestimated him.”

“Seems like we all have.”

“He’s always had balls. Remember when he told half of Liberty Ave that he jerked off that horrible kid who bashed him, and remember that fight with his father when he was attacking Brian?”

“And remember the whole King of Babylon thing?”

“And running away to New York with Brian’s credit card?”

“And taking Brian back even though Brian didn’t visit him in the hospital . . . oh, wait, maybe that’s not something to put in the plus column. He never should’ve forgiven Brian for that.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve always chalked it up to PTSD.”

“Well, putting up with Brian at all takes balls whether or not we understand why he wants to.”

“Do you think it’s the sex?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised. Everyone knows Brian’s a superstar in the sack.”

“But what about after you come? What’s left to like?”

“He can be funny sometimes.”

“Yeah, usually at other people’s expense.”

“He’s nice to look at.”

“Unless he catches you and gives you the Glare Of Death.”

“He drives us around.”

“Sometimes we can hook-up with his cast-offs.”

“He takes care of Michael.”

“Yeah, and messes with his head. Tell me with a straight face that Brian’s good for Michael. See? I knew you couldn’t do it.”

“He helped Mel and Linds with their wedding.”

“Yeah, he whipped out his credit card and bossed us around. We ended up doing all the work.”

“He . . . he . . . darn, I’ve run out of reasons to put up with him. You?”

“I ran out of reasons a long time ago.”

“You know, honestly? I wouldn’t even be hanging out with Brian if it wasn’t because of Michael.”

“I know. Michael was a two-for-one deal.”

“Wanna hang out with Michael, you gotta hang out with Brian, too.”

“I really resented that at first, but now I’m basically resigned to the situation.”

“Me, too.”

“Justin isn’t though.”

“No, he’s not. He’s the only one in the world probably who calls Brian on his bad behavior.”

“Michael sure doesn’t.”

“Neither do I. The blowback's just not worth it. At this point, I basically try to ignore him most of the time.”

“He’s hard to ignore.”

“Tell me about it. It’s taken me years to perfect the act, and it’s still a work in progress.”

“Yeah, I know. Even when you tell yourself that he’s a dick who just can’t help himself; sometimes the things he says are just so out of line that it’s impossible to not get pissed off.”

“Ah! Heres our desserts. Thanks, Deb.”

“No problem, boys, gotta get your calories before you go to Babylon.”

“So, back to Brian?”

“Nah, I’m getting sick of the topic. Let’s wait until we see what happens when he realizes he’s been stood-up.”

“That should make for good conversation.”

“It will indeed.”

Ted and Emmett clinked their water glasses together with grins of anticipatory delight.