Brian lay in bed, chin propped on his hand, barely daring to breathe as he silently watched Justin sleep, his mind still whirling from the events that had taken place earlier that evening. Justin, as usual, was lying on his stomach, buried under a mass of blankets until all that was showing was one eye, part of his nose and a few tufts of blond hair. How he didn’t smother under all those blankets, Brian had no idea.
He tugged at the blanket, pulling it down to Justin’s shoulders, exposing his husband’s flawless skin, flushed with sleep and their earlier exertions. He ran his hand through Justin’s hair, making it stand further on end, the soft strands gilding in the low light as they slipped through his fingers. Justin made a small noise of protest and curled further onto his side, pressing his face into his pillow, but he didn’t awaken.
Brian chuckled, slightly envious at his husband’s ability to block out the world in his sleep. If only he'd had the same ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. But tonight, he was restless and feeling less than peaceful now that the euphoria from earlier had died. His mind was hyper-vigilant, and his nerves were zinging, ready for a fight that would never come, because this wasn’t something he could battle. It was an internal struggle that he’d been waging since that night, and one that seemed like it would never retract its venomous fangs no matter how hard he tried.
Sighing, he continued his study of Justin, marveling at how at peace he seemed despite the reminders of prom at the party and the flash of memory that had come to him as they were dancing. Only Justin could sleep like he hadn’t a care in the world while Brian was staring his very real demons in the face. Not that he’d actually let Justin know that. He hadn’t wanted destroy the happiness brimming in those eyes at finally remembering something beyond the very traumatic aftermath of the prom.
Trailing a finger down one soft cheek, Brian sighed again, trying to shove the unwanted ghosts of the past away, so he could simply enjoy being with his husband. To enjoy the smooth, silkiness of Justin’s skin and the way he naturally turned into Brian’s touch, seeking more of it. The way Justin fit so neatly against him as if he'd been made to be there. God, but he loved this man and would do anything to keep him safe and at his side, and fuck the Chris Hobbs’ of the world.
Sliding his hand over Justin’s shoulder, Brian toyed with the fine, gold strands that brushed them and then slid it under the covers and down his back, tracing the dips and curves there. He was so beautiful and Brian couldn’t get enough of him.
Lying down, Brian propped his head on his pillow and stared into his husband’s face, his heart and stomach still fluttering with the knowledge that Justin had remembered prom. Okay, so he hadn’t remembered all of it - and likely never would - but that he’d remembered something other than the bashing was a gift Brian never thought he’d receive. And that it was part of the dance, where he’d so clearly laid his heart on the line for Justin to see, was even better. And he wanted to focus on that and not the bad.
Closing his eyes, he marveled at the way Justin had lit up, his eyes shining as bright as stars, as he explained the returned memory. The way he’d choked up as he relayed the love and passion he’d seen in Brian’s eyes in that moment, and how he wished he’d never lost it because things would have turned out so different for the two of them.
And he was likely right in that assessment.
Not that Brian was unhappy with their life now. But after the bashing, and the trauma that followed, Brian - who had just opened his heart to the idea that this kid was special to him - had shut himself off even more firmly than before. He'd been scared that, if he let Justin in, Justin would get hurt again. And with as much as he cared for the brat, he couldn’t, wouldn't, take that chance, even if he had to hurt himself in the process by shoving Justin away.
It was better that way; it had been more important, that Justin had remained healthy and happy than for Brian to be happy; he was used to not having what he wanted and Justin had been far too bright and beautiful to suffer through all of Brian’s continued bullshit.
But, he digressed.
Justin, still glowing from the memory, had demanded that they leave the party; and after a little persuasion, (read lots of heavy petting and kissing in a darkened corner of the room), Brian had made their excuses and hauled the brat off. Thankfully, almost everyone had realized that something significant had happened on the dance floor and they hadn't put up much of a fuss. And those that did, Brian didn’t give one fuck about.
He didn’t owe anyone an explanation for his actions.
They'd laughed and danced their way out to the parking lot, where their limo was waiting, just as they had the night of prom. Justin scrambled into the waiting car and told the driver to take them home to Britin instead of the loft as they’d originally planned, and then closed and locked the privacy window. Turning back to Brian, Justin clambered into his lap and then, noting Brian's confused expression, whispered against his lips:
”I want to be in our home tonight,” Justin murmured, peppering Brian’s face with butterfly kisses as he all but tore his suit jacket off and ground his dick against Brian’s
Brian groaned; and then gripped Justin’s hips to hold him steady and to keep him from tumbling to the carpeted floor in his enthusiasm to rid himself of it. Sliding his hands up Justin’s back, Brian entwined them into his hair and tipped his head back, immediately taking possession of his husband’s mouth. He licked his way into it, claiming him with a devouring kiss that had Brian crushing the blond to him, instinctively knowing just what Justin needed.
“God, I need you inside me like right fucking now,” Justin panted as he pulled away from Brian’s mouth, his fingers fumbling with the clasp and zip of his pants. “I don’t think I can wait until we’re home.”
“Ah…” Brian smirked, frantically kissing any exposed bit of skin as he swiftly unbuttoned Justin’s shirt, and then batted his husband’s hands away from his unsuccessful struggle wit his pants. “The truth comes out. You just wanted to head to Britin so that I have more time to fuck your cute, little ass into the back seat.” Tearing at the clasp, Brian nearly ripped it off, much to Justin’s annoyed protest, but fuck it; he could easily afford to buy a new pair if they tore. Hastily unzipping Justin’s pants, he pushed the blond onto the ample backseat and yanked the pants from Justin’s body with a great deal of help from the blond himself. Justin hissed as his ass hit the cool leather seat, but then he was back on his knees and straddling Brian’s lap, his lips hard and hungry on Brian’s. Groaning, Brian clamped his hands on either side of Justin’s face and once again took control of the kiss, nipping, biting, licking and sucking until Justin was a flushed, squirming mess on his lap. Gasping for air as he pulled back from the kiss, Brian was about to push Justin back onto the seat, but it seemed that his husband had other plans. “I have a better idea,” Justin breathlessly said, his nimble fingers making quick work of Brian’s jacket and the buttons on his shirt. Brian gasped as Justin hands raked down his chest, his fingernails catching on his nipples on the way. “I’m going to ride you until the both of us see stars.” “Fuck…Justin…” Brian shuddered and groaned, arching up into Justin’s hands as he pinched his nipples on his way down to the clasp of his pants. “That’s the idea,” Justin teased as he deftly opened the clasp and then leaned back to work the zip down. Brian hissed as talented fingers dove inside and wrapped around his hard, leaking cock; Justin squeezed gently as he pulled it from Brian’s pants and then slid his thumb over the slit. Gathering up the drops of pre-cum, Justin swirled his thumb over the head of Brian’s cock, teasing him as Brian fumbled with his jacket pocket, seeking the small tube of lube that he’d placed there earlier in the evening. Of course, at that time, he was expecting to convince Justin into a quick bout of sex in the venue bathroom or some other remote place in the garden; but this worked just as well for him. He certainly wasn’t about to complain. Closing his fingers over the tube, Brian pulled it out of his pocket just as Justin managed to work Brian’s pants over his hips. Uncapping the lube, Brian slicked his fingers and slipped two of them inside Justin, reveling in his husband’s low moan as his muscles clamped around them. Brian paused and waited as Justin adjusted and then made quick work of preparing him, scissoring and stretching as Justin fucked himself on his fingers. “Fuck, you’re so hot like this, Sunshine,” Brian rasped and worked a third finger into his husband’s tight heat, wanting nothing more than to ram into the blond full force, but held off, wanting to tease him even more. “I can’t wait to feel you wrapped around me.” “Then fucking do it, already,” Justin bit out impatiently, groaning and cursing under his breath when Brian abruptly pulled his fingers free. Reaching for the discarded bottle of lube, Brian squeezed a generous amount into his hand and coated his dick, more than ready himself to move things along. And then, without any warning on his part, Justin rose to his knees and impaled himself onto Brian’s aching cock in one swift, smooth stroke. Brian’s toes curled under as his husband’s hot, tight heat enveloped him. “Christ, Sunshine,” Brian grunted as Justin clenched around him; he slid his hands up, and clutched onto Justin for dear life, his fingers digging into soft skin of his sides and likely bruising. “A little warning next time, yeah?”
Justin panted and just ignored him, his own fingers digging into Brian’s back as he desperately tried to control his breathing. Licking his lips, he pressed his forehead to Brian’s, his eyes clenched and breaths shallow as he adjusted to the sudden invasion. And then, apparently having adjusted to his taste, he crushed his mouth to Brian’s; and bodies and mouths entwined, he set a brutal pace reminiscent of the time he’d returned home from walking the streets and stirring up trouble with the Pink Posse.
Stirring restlessly, Brian shook his head and blew out a breath, cursing his wayward thoughts as his dick twitched, now half-hard even after a very eventful night of fucking. Closing his eyes, he clenched his hands into the sheets and desperately fought off the urge to simply grab Justin, roll him onto his back and wake him up with his dick; as he was quite certain that his husband might just kill him if he even thought about going anywhere near his ass for the rest of the night.
But God, Justin had been so hot, and Brian just couldn’t help craving, and wanting to possess, the blond all these years later. Justin was a fire that he could never quench.
And truthfully, he didn’t want to.
Inhaling deeply, Brian opened his eyes, his gaze falling once more on a truly angelic face, and he couldn’t fight back the warm glow that filled him each time he looked into his husband’s face. Cupping the back of Justin’s neck, Brian dipped his head until it was pressed against Justin’s and just breathed him in, thankful to have him at his side. He couldn’t imagine his life without him and there was, truly, no place he’d rather be than right here beside this man.
Justin just sighed in his sleep and snuggled closer, tucking into Brian’s side like the limpet that he was and burying his face into the crook of Brian’s neck. Smiling softly, Brian, once again, firmly pushed the ghosts of yesterday away and pressed a tender kiss to Justin’s brow, closing his eyes as he did so.
“Love you, my Sunshine,” he whispered to the dark, quiet room. “Always and forever.”
And he was almost certain that he’d felt the blonde’s lips curl into a small smile as he drifted off into a restless sleep.
... ... ... ... ...
Justin yawned and stretched, blinking in the morning twilight, wondering what had pulled him from his very pleasant dreams. Rubbing his eyes, he startled when a distressed moan sounded from Brian’s side of the bed. Turning to face his husband, Justin gasped as the arms around his waist tightened and crushed him against Brian’s sleep-warm body, barely giving him enough room to breathe.
Staring up into Brian’s face, he was equally distressed to see that his husband’s brow was pinched as he battled whatever demons were playing out behind his eyes. And given the dance, and the memories rehashed the night before, he could, rightly, imagine what was bothering him. It was only natural that Brian would once again beat himself up over what he’d seen as one of his greatest failures – being helpless and unable to protect Justin from the swing of his high school bully’s bat.
If only he’d realized that, if it hadn’t been for him, Justin likely wouldn’t be here today.
Not that he could ever convince Brian of that fact.
Brian still stubbornly clung to the thought that if he hadn’t shown up that night, and danced with, and kissed Justin in front of all his classmates, Justin wouldn’t have been bashed. But Justin knew the truth. Chris had been a ticking time bomb set to detonate at the slightest hint of a reason, and it wouldn’t have mattered what that catalyst had been. And if Brian hadn’t been there to call out to him, and there to staunch the bleeding, and there to call for help, Justin would have either ended up a vegetable at best or bled out at worst.
There was no other possibility given what the doctors had told him about his injury. He had been exceedingly lucky; and he will always be grateful that Brian had been there to intervene.
Running his hands through Brian’s hair, Justin pressed soft, butterfly kisses all over Brian’s face, whispering words of comfort until finally Brian’s brow smoothed and his eyes fluttered open. Staring hazily down into Justin’s face, Brian gave a small smile and closed his eyes, crushing Justin tightly to his chest as his breathing slowed.
“Uh, honey?” Justin gasped, squirming to break the vise surrounding him. “I kinda need to breathe here; would you mind letting go just a bit?”
Brian chuckled, but loosened his grip as he pressed his lips into Justin’s hair and breathed him in for a moment before pulling back to press a kiss on his brow. Justin closed his eyes and relished his closeness and the sweet affection that spilled from Brian’s lips as he peppered soft kisses on Justin’s eyelids and cheeks and nose and finally on his mouth. Opening his eyes, Justin watched as Brian tenderly looked him over, as if reassuring himself that Justin was still alive and breathing and there with him.
“You okay?” Justin asked softly, toying with the short hairs at the back of Brian’s neck.
“I’ll be fine, Sunshine,” Brian said, his voice still rough from sleep, and an emotion that Justin knew Brian would never voice.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Justin asked, running his hands over Brian’s shoulders in an effort to soothe the tension built up in them.
“Not right now.” Brian shook his head and rolled his lips between his teeth as he watched Justin with a soft look. “Right now, I just want to be with you.”
And with that, Brian pressed his lips to Justin’s, cutting off anything he might have said. Not that Justin minded; he loved Brian’s kisses; all of them – the soft, the hard, the passionate, the affectionate, the demanding – it didn’t matter. So long as he could enjoy the feel and taste of his husband, Justin was in heaven.
Parting his lips, Justin snaked his tongue out and ran it across Brian’s lower lip, smiling when Brian gasped quietly and opened his mouth. Licking into his mouth, Justin kissed him slowly, softly, languidly tangling their tongues together in a kiss completely opposite to the one he’d initiated in the limo last night. Sliding his hands over his husband’s smooth, warm skin, Justin gasped as Brian rolled him onto his back and settled between his thighs, pinning him beneath him.
Pulling back from their kiss, Brian stared down into Justin’s eyes, his own misting as he did so, and then they closed, obviously trying to hide the emotions swirling inside. Justin swallowed thickly and smoothed a hand over Brian’s cheek, offering whatever comfort he could while Brian fought his demons. But he didn’t speak as he knew it would break the spell and send Brian running to some place Justin couldn’t follow.
Brian opened his eyes, and hesitated just a moment, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed; and then he lowered his head and placed a gentle, blink-and-you’d-miss-it kiss against Justin’s mouth. Pulling away, he trailed unhurried, wet kisses along Justin’s cheeks and jaw and neck and any exposed part he could find as his hands traced reverently over his body.
Drawing a deep, unsteady breath, Justin gave himself over to his husband’s ministrations, moaning low in the back of his throat as a single finger brushed and teased his hole, testing his response. And then, when Brian realized he wasn’t the least bit sore after last night, he slipped two lubed fingers inside him, stroking and sliding and rubbing against all those lovely nerves that set Justin on fire.
“Brian…” Justin breathed, writhing when Brian brushed against his prostate one last time, before he pulled them out and slowly slid inside him. “God, please…”
“Sunshine,” Brian groaned, setting a languorous pace that had him barely rocking in and out of Justin’s body, in an intent that seemed to be more about being as close to Justin as possible than the actual act. “Fuck, you feel so good, baby.”
Justin inhaled sharply at the endearment, unexpectedly moved by it as Brian wasn’t one to use them, despite the gratuitous use of the moniker Debbie had given him. Capturing Brian’s lips, Justin lost himself in the slow build of heat, their bodies’ slick with sweat and trembling as Brian took them higher with every thrust.
Biting his lip as Brian changed the angle, Justin cried out as Brian scraped across his prostate, sending sparks shooting down his spine. Clutching at Brian’s back, Justin ground down with every thrust, bringing Brian deeper into his body with each pass until the heat that coiled in his gut exploded, sending waves of pleasure over him, and nearly had him blacking out.
When he finally came to, he could feel something wet on his face. Reaching up, he swiped a hand over his face and came away with tears. Surprised, Justin looked up and was met with the same tracks of tears on his husband’s face. Cupping the back of Brian’s neck, Justin pulled him down and kissed him softly on the mouth, trying to put everything he was feeling into the single caress.
Brian inhaled sharply and crushed his mouth to Justin’s, pouring out his own happiness and misery, and only pulled back when Justin made a small noise of discomfort as his teeth cut into his lips. Resting his head against Justin’s shoulder, Brian tightened his grip and squeezed Justin as if he’d never let go.
“Hey,” Justin said softly, knowing just what was running through the brunet’s mind. “Everything is fine. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Brian shuddered and exhaled explosively, but did loosen his grip and pull out of Justin as he flopped down at Justin’s side. Justin winced a bit, but quickly pushed it away as he was far more concerned with Brian at the moment. Watching his husband quietly, Justin waited, as he knew Brian would address his reaction in due time.
“How do you do it?” Brian asked after a few minutes.
“Do what?” Justin asked; although, he had a pretty good idea of where this was heading.
“I don’t understand,” Brian continued, staring at his fingers as he played with the ends of Justin’s hair. “How can you make peace with what happened? It completely changed your life. You spent months recovering; and even more dealing with the fallout. How can you treat it as if it were nothing?”
Justin sighed internally; yeah, he thought that was where this was going. Pressing a small kiss to Brian’s temple, Justin quickly mulled it over in his mind, trying to find the words to explain the decision he made long ago, not long after he and Cody had confronted Hobbs. Biting his lip, he shrugged and then looked up into Brian’s eyes.
“I had to,” he said; and then he sighed heavily when Brian just stared at him in bewilderment. So, he continued, in the hopes that Brian understood. “I had to let it go, or I would never be happy. And I’ll admit; for a long time, I wasn’t okay with it; especially during my recovery and my time with the Pink Posse. I was so angry, all of the time. And it ate me up inside. So much so that I found myself doing and saying things that weren’t much better than what Chris Hobbs did and said to me. And it was then that I knew that I had to make my peace with the past; because until I did, I would never move forward.”
Brian rolled his lips between his teeth and looked away.
“Brian,” Justin said, grasping his chin to turn him back towards him, so he could look directly into his eyes. Brian watched him silently, the lingering pain and horror plain to see in his far too expressive eyes. “There was nothing we could have done.”
Brian huffed and looked as if he were about to protest, but Justin shook his head and pressed a inger to his lips to silence him.
“You know I’m right,” Justin insisted, brushing Brian’s hair back from his face. “That wasn’t about us dancing at prom, but Chris’ own personal demons; the dance and kiss were just a catalyst to what had been brewing inside him for months. If it hadn’t happened then, something else would have triggered him; and maybe then, I wouldn’t have been so lucky. You wouldn’t have been at my side. You wouldn’t have saved me.”
Brian averted his eyes, still uncomfortable with the fact that Justin saw him as his hero; but that was what he was in Justin’s mind. If Brian hadn’t called out to him, Justin wouldn’t have turned around. And then the bat would have hit somewhere that would have caused far more damage. And if he’d never shown, it was likely that Justin would have done something else that pushed Chris over the edge, and he might have been alone; with no help around at the time.
After all, it wasn’t as if Justin shied away from his sexuality. And he’d had no problem mouthing off and getting into Chris’ face when it came to his slurs and harassment.
It had only been a matter of time.
“I lived,” Justin said, tucking Brian’s head against his shoulder and pressing his lips against his hair. “I recovered. I built an amazing career in spite my injury. I built a wonderful life with you by my side. I have everything I want and everything I need. What does Chris have but a bunch of regrets and self-doubt?”
Brian shuddered and curled into Justin, still completely silent, but the tension in his shoulders and back had drained away. Justin closed his eyes and gently ran his hands up and down Brian’s back, hopefully soothing the part of Brian that clung to belief that he could have done something to prevent the bashing. And while he knew that it was far from over, and that Brian will likely always feel some responsibility for the events, he hoped that his words may have brought him a little peace nonetheless.