“You are fucking unbelievable.”

“It’s true. I am.”

*****

“Are you sure they gave her hot chocolate and not some sort of espresso?” Brian laughed as he watched Sophia bouncing lightly in her chair, sitting between Esme and Adam at JFK airport, where they were all waiting for their flight to Pittsburgh to begin boarding.

“She’s just excited,” Rob said.

“This is far too much excitement for someone going to Pittsburgh,” Brian said.

“Don’t mind him,” Justin cut in. “He just doesn’t remember what it was like to be five years old and going on a plane ride for the first time.” Justin switched to stage whispering in Sophia’s general direction and added, “Because he’s old.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that last part,” Brian said, with mock indignance. “You think Joan and Jack took us on vacation? I took my first plane trip at 19 years old when Michael and I saved up to go to Florida for spring break my sophomore year of college. It was his first one too. I thought he was going to have an anxiety attack before we even got off the ground.”

“Well, I remember what it was like at your age,” Justin said, leaning forward across the aisle between the rows of chairs to lay a hand on Sophia’s knee. “It’s pretty cool, huh?”

Justin spent the next ten minutes pointing at things around the terminal and out the window, explaining the entire process to her. Everything was already taken care of -- baggage checked, breakfast eaten, and last-minute bathroom trips completed -- and now they were just waiting for the call to pre-board. Their group would be taking up the entire first row of the plane, with Sophia sitting with Rob and Adam, and Esme sitting with Justin and Brian. With as hyper as Sophia already was, Brian was thankful that she would be with her dads, because as much as Brian loved her, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to withstand that much pent-up energy buzzing beside of him for the next hour and a half.

Justin had filled his entire messenger bag with art supplies, and he had big plans for himself and Esme. Brian was grateful that Justin would have a distraction, because they were traveling on the anniversary of his accident.

That morning, Brian had been able to tell that the significance of the day was weighing heavily on Justin’s mind. He’d woken up in a melancholy mood that Brian hadn’t seen from him in quite a while -- not since their first few months at home after the accident. It was a sudden change, because Justin had been really happy as of late, with both his teaching job and his art show buoying his confidence in himself and his abilities as an artist. But Brian also understood exactly where Justin’s morose disposition that day was coming from and why he felt that way, because it was something he went through himself every year. And he knew how hard the first year had been in particular.

Ironically, he’d also spent the first anniversary of his accident traveling between Pittsburgh and New York. He just hoped that today’s travel went a lot smoother than things had gone that day, when the frustration of cancelled flights had merged with the depression and resentment he’d already been feeling. Every single thing that happened that day had reminded him of how things were different and more difficult for him now, on the day when he’d least needed to be reminded of that. But he was thankful that he’d had Justin with him that day to support him on that long journey back home, and to remind him of everything he’d gained that year, rather than letting him get dragged down into dwelling on what he’d lost.

Brian made it his mission to do the same for Justin that day -- to keep his focus on the positive, on everything that was going right and everything they’d been blessed with these last twelve months, instead of focusing on the split second that had sent both of their lives into a spiral.

Focusing on the positive wasn’t particularly easy. The memory of this day was a heavy one in Brian’s mind as well, because he remembered talking to Justin on the phone, looking forward to a more lewd phone call later, falling asleep wondering why Justin never called and wasn’t answering, then being awakened just after midnight by a phone call that turned his entire world sideways on its axis. It wasn’t a day he wanted to remember, and it was a day whose events he hoped he’d never relive again.

But his focus had to be on Justin today. Keeping Justin from being pulled down under the weight of past memories -- or memories lost.

Things seemed to have gotten a little better for Justin once they’d gotten to the airport and met up with Rob, Adam, and the girls. Brian just hoped that trend continued, and Justin really was feeling better and not just putting on a front for the sake of Esme and Sophia.

When the time came to board, they were an interesting group headed down the jetway, with two little girls running excitedly ahead of four grown men. Esme and Sophia beat them to the door of the plane by several seconds, and practically rushed right on past the flight attendant and onto the plane before Rob made it to them, taking advantage of the trajectory of the jetway to increase his speed, while Adam, Brian, and Justin lagged behind.

The girls were two pint-sized bundles of giggles as they all made their way to their seats and waited for everyone else to board, but things quickly shifted after they were in the air, once the sugar crash hit Sophia, who was asleep pretty much the minute they hit altitude, and Justin got out some of the art supplies he’d brought for himself and Esme.

Brian watched Justin doodle in his own sketchbook while he helped Esme with her drawing, pointing out the places where she could shade or add light. Brian was impressed with how far her drawing skills had come in recent months -- it looked like she really had some talent.

It wasn’t too long, though, before she was fading as well, and Brian was only halfway through looking at the trainwreck that was the in-flight sell-you-shit-you-don’t-need magazine when he noticed she’d finished her drawing and fallen asleep. Justin closed his sketchbook and put all of the supplies he’d brought back into his messenger bag, then settled back into the seat and closed his eyes. A few seconds later, Brian noticed him absently massaging his right hand.

“Doing okay?” Brian said, keeping his voice low.

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“What about?”

“Where I was this time last year. Putting everything in the car, getting ready to head to Pittsburgh. Wondering what your plans were for our anniversary. Thinking about spending Christmas with the family and seeing Daphne. How I had no idea my life was about to change forever.”

Brian reached over and wrapped his fingers around Justin’s right hand, taking over the massage. “I know,” he said.

“It feels sort of surreal to think about. How in this past year, everything has completely changed. And it’s not all bad, not at all. There’s so much good that I might not have ever found if it wasn’t for this. But, you still wonder, what if… You know?”

Brian nodded and looked into Justin’s eyes -- deep pools of blue that had the ability to communicate everything Justin was feeling without a single word. Brian recognized what he saw there, because he’d seen it on himself in the mirror, every June. The doubt and the sadness and the mourning, mixed with hope and the embracing of change. “I get it,” he said. “It’s hard not to wonder.”

“I feel bad about feeling this way. Like, I never thought this about the prom and I don’t know why. I need to take my own advice. Remember that I lived.”

“You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel. You’re entitled. You don’t need to apologize.” Brian turned Justin’s hand over and interlaced their fingers together, letting out a long, slow breath. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today too. There are a lot of memories. All of the things I was so scared to death were going to happen this time. That you wouldn’t wake up. That this time I’d lose you. But I have to remind myself that none of those horrible things happened. And I’ve got the proof right here beside me. You lived.”

“I did.” Justin nodded and bit his lip.

“You more than lived. You’re thriving.” Brian leaned over to kiss Justin, more to feel him and his physical presence than anything else. To feel his warmth -- a gentle reminder that Justin had survived. “Happy life day.”

Justin gave Brian a small smile, then leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder. Brian let go of Justin’s hand and wrapped his arm around Justin instead, feeling the younger man relax and settle in, tucked into his side. These were some of Brian’s favorite moments -- just being with each other, their bodies melded together, saying nothing because there was nothing that needed to be said.

When they hit the ground in Pittsburgh, snow flurries were falling outside the window. Esme was still asleep, only she’d shifted so that she was now leaning against Justin. Sophia had awakened and was just as full of energy as she had been back in New York, as if her nap had merely served to recharge her batteries.

“How do you live with that all the time?” Brian asked, half joking and half serious.

Rob laughed. “Well, I do spend most of my day at work. And she spends most of the day at school now. But really, I think I’m jealous of her energy.”

Sophia was talking about a million miles a minute while they waited for Brian's and Rob’s wheelchairs to be brought to them. Esme, as usual, was the complete opposite -- quiet and soft spoken, just looking out the window at the suburban landscape that surrounded the airport. Although they were biological sisters, their personalities couldn’t be more different. They’d both been with Rob and Adam since Sophia was less than a year old -- starting off as a fostering situation that ultimately turned into adoption several months later. Brian knew a small handful of details, but not a whole lot -- mostly that their home environment had not been a good one, and their mother had voluntarily decided to relinquish her parental rights. It wasn’t likely that either of the girls would ever see her again.

Sometimes Brian wondered if the difference in Esme and Sophia’s dispositions might have been because Esme was old enough to remember some of that, and Sophia was not. He knew Rob thought that too -- that Esme’s tendency to try to shrink into the background and not be noticed, especially in unfamiliar situations or around people she didn’t know, might have been a survival skill learned at an early age. A byproduct of being in a household where her preschool self had never been sure what was going to happen next. Brian could relate to that, and he knew firsthand the damage that could be inflicted from living in fear in a place where you were supposed to be safe. He'd learned at an early age to stay quiet and not make waves. She had too. He just hoped that Esme wasn’t going to adopt the same coping mechanisms he had when he’d hit his teenage years -- that having a loving, stable home now would be enough to turn things around for her.

For Brian, things hadn’t really turned around until he’d met Justin. And even then, it had taken a lot of hard work on Justin’s part to break through the walls Brian had constructed around himself -- one of his own survival skills. Looking back now, Brian was glad Justin had been as persistent as he had been -- and on more than one occasion -- because he honestly had no idea where he’d be right now if it hadn’t been for Justin.

Once they were finally able to deplane, they picked up their luggage and went on to the rental car counter, then downtown to their hotel, where they all crashed for a few hours before they met up with Jennifer for dinner at the hotel’s restaurant. Once they’d finished their dinner and drinks, Brian lingered a bit longer after Justin went upstairs, so he could iron out a few last minute details with Jennifer concerning their anniversary party on Thursday evening.

He’d had Emmett planning the rest of the party, and Brian had been the recipient of more than a few excited phone calls from him in the past few days as the final details came together. But Emmett didn’t know everything Brian had planned -- Jennifer, Cynthia, and Daphne did, and Rob and Adam did, but they were the only ones aside from Brian himself. He didn’t trust anyone else to be able to keep it a secret, and it was important to Brian that this one aspect of the party remain a surprise to Justin. Mostly because he couldn’t wait to see Justin’s reaction.

Brian wanted the party to be really special -- new memories to last a lifetime. And with what he had planned, he was confident that it would be.

Brian and Justin spent the morning in bed, the winter sun streaming through the windows as they enjoyed a room service breakfast and coffee before Justin went off to spend the day with Daphne. He hadn’t seen her since he’d been in the hospital after the accident, although they talked on the phone at least once a week, and Brian knew Justin was looking forward to spending some time with his best friend.

Meanwhile, Brian had tasks of his own that he needed to do -- the first and most pressing of which was checking out the finished renovations on the house, then going to the Kinnetik offices, where Brian was scheduled to meet up with the person who would deliver his standing wheelchair and show him how to use it. Rob was almost as excited to see the standing chair as Brian was, so he’d be going with Brian, while Adam took the girls to see a few of the sights.

Together, Brian and Rob took care of making sure everything at the house would be perfect when Brian brought Justin back there after the anniversary party -- right down to the gourmet chocolates and champagne, which Rob teased him about, joining Cynthia’s camp in calling him a closet romantic. It was almost like they were setting up for a honeymoon -- and, Brian supposed, in a way it was. Their second honeymoon.

Later, in Brian’s office at Kinnetik, he and Rob were both like kids with the latest toy -- playing with all of the features of the standing chair that they’d been shown before the company representative had left them to their own devices. When seated, it functioned like a regular manual wheelchair, but it had a mechanism that, when pushed forward and down, would push Brian up into a standing position, with some strategically placed bracing to give his legs and torso added stability.

“I’m so fucking jealous, man,” Rob said, back in his regular chair after his last turn trying it out. “This is really cool.”

Brian was standing by the conference table, testing out what it felt like to stand next to it again after eleven years of sitting for every single one of his meetings. “It’s a good thing you like it,” Brian said, keeping his voice as nonchalant as he could. “Because there’s one with your name on it. Or, there will be.”

“Huh?” Rob’s confusion was clear on his face as he looked up at Brian from a few feet away.

“If you want one, all you have to do is call and get the process started. I’ve got everything else taken care of. It’s on me. Consider it a thank you for everything you’ve done for me these past ten years… especially this year.”

“Brian, you don’t have to--”

“I know. I want to.”

“I didn’t do any of it expecting something in return. I did it because that’s what friends do -- you take care of each other.”

“It’s my turn to take care of you then. With this.”

“But it’s so expensive.”

“And I can afford it. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know, and more than I can say. Let me do this for you. Please.”

Eventually, Brian got Rob to reluctantly agree, still insisting that nothing he’d done was deserving of a gift of this size. But Brian disagreed. At the time when he’d met Rob, Rob had been the exact person Brian had needed -- someone who understood the most challenging, frustrating, and sometimes embarrassing aspects of his life and could help guide him through them, because he’d been there and found his way through. And in the past year, he’d truly been a life preserver at a time when Brian had often felt like he was drowning. Doing this for Rob seemed like the least Brian could do to thank him for being like a brother to him for the past ten years -- an integral part of the family Brian had chosen to surround himself with.

And, because they were family, Rob and Adam and the girls had also been invited for dinner at Deb’s along with Brian and Justin -- although Debbie’s version of an invitation sounded more like a demand. But that was just Debbie.

She was thrilled to meet the girls, saying that she missed having kids running around the house at the holidays now that Gus and J.R. were teenagers. It was still hard to believe that Gus was nearly grown -- it seemed like only yesterday that he’d been Esme’s age, and Lindsay had been calling Brian every other day because Gus had done something to get in trouble with one of his teachers.

It took Esme a little while to warm up to Debbie, but once she did, they all had a great time, playing a card game Brian remembered from when he and Michael were kids, while they ate cookies and Debbie talked to them about what they’d asked for from Santa Claus.

Brian had been afraid he’d have to spend the entire evening preventing Michael, who was the worst secret keeper in the universe, from saying something about the house in front of Justin, but Ben had an awards banquet to attend at Carnegie Mellon, so he and Michael were there instead, much to Brian’s relief. Twenty-four more hours, and all would be revealed, and then it wouldn’t matter what anyone said about anything.

The evening was exactly like the hundreds of others they’d spent at Debbie’s eating too much lasagna and drinking too much wine, but sharing so much love. It was a perfect way to spend the evening before their anniversary -- and so much better than what things had been one year before, when Brian’s entire life had been taken over by uncertainty and doubt. Now, Justin was here with him, instead of lying in a hospital bed, and they’d found their way back to their own version of normal -- a little different from before, but still so good.

When they left Deb’s that night and headed back to the hotel, Brian almost felt like he had on the night before their wedding -- nervous, but excited. Mostly, he wanted the next day to be perfect for Justin. Because Justin deserved nothing less.

But Brian would have been lying if he’d said it wasn’t important to him as well. As much as he wanted to make this happen for Justin, he needed to make it happen for himself too. He needed to be able to share this memory with his husband, since he didn’t know whether or not they’d ever share the memory of their actual wedding again -- and that still hurt. Brian wished it didn’t, because he felt like it wasn’t fair for him to feel this way when it was Justin who had lost so much. But as much as he wanted to get rid of that feeling, he couldn’t. It was still there. He hoped that having a new memory to share with Justin might help ease the pain.

He knew that Justin loved him more than life -- and he was grateful every day that Justin hadn’t forgotten that -- but he needed to have those shared memories too. They were a part of them. The collective that was Brian and Justin.

Brian awoke on the morning of their 10th anniversary with Justin’s soft, warm body tucked into his side, his chest rising and falling with deep, even breaths as he slept. Justin’s right hand lay on the pillow next to his head, his fingers curled slightly. This morning was so different from the morning of their ninth anniversary -- when Brian had awakened alone in a hotel bed, while Justin lay in a hospital bed in a medically-induced coma. Brian was thankful to have Justin beside of him -- whole and still the same man he’d married ten years before.

Justin’s eyelids slowly fluttered open, and a smile spread across his face when his eyes met Brian’s.

“Morning,” Justin said sleepily. “Happy anniversary.”

“Happy anniversary.” Brian leaned in and kissed his husband, still not quite believing that it had been ten years already. It seemed like only yesterday they’d stood together in front of the justice of the peace, with Daphne and Jennifer and Michael and Ben looking on as they exchanged their vows and declared their love for one another.

The last ten years had been full of change and growth for both of them, and plenty of the unexpected. But, that was life. Navigating it together, they were stronger -- greater than the sum of their individual parts.

They shared a morning shower fuck -- making it work even though the hotel’s setup wasn’t exactly ideal -- before the room service breakfast Brian had scheduled the night before was delivered. The early part of the day was just for them -- to spend time with each other, not worrying about anybody else, until the party with their family and friends later that night.

“I never know what to get you,” Justin said as they sat at the small table in their suite, a full spread of breakfast pastries and fruit and coffee in front of them. “But I saw this at an antique shop when I was looking for things to use in some of my art projects. I hope you like it.” He pushed a small box across the table toward Brian, its lid wrapped in cream-colored paper that had been hand lettered and tied with a red ribbon -- Brian’s favorite color.

The handwriting was clearly Justin’s, and Brian felt like he could see him in his mind’s eye, putting the words down on paper. Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116. A page Brian had marked in a book many years ago, when he was writing the vows he’d hoped to say to Justin at the wedding that never happened.

Brian slid the ribbon off the box, then read the words aloud:

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.”

After a few words, Justin’s voice had joined his, reciting the words from memory.

“I found it while I was reading every book in the house,” Justin said softly, his eyes shining, a sheepish smile on his face. “Right after my accident. When I read it that day, I cried, because it was so true. It was so us. True love overcomes everything. And if it doesn’t, was it ever love at all?”

The memory of the words and what they’d meant to him for such a long time was making Brian emotional too. He swallowed hard as he carefully took the lid off the box, which contained another box -- this one covered in red velvet. Brian took it out and opened it. Inside was a beautiful gold watch. The center of the face was transparent, revealing the watch’s inner workings.

“Turn it over,” Justin said.

The back was engraved with three lines -- the first two lines clearly older than the third:

B & J
12/21
It’s only time

“I don’t know who B & J were, but they must have shared our anniversary. I felt like I was meant to find this that day,” Justin said. “I never even meant to end up at that shop -- I found it by accident after I took the wrong subway train on my way somewhere else. But then, there this was. When I turned it over and saw the engraving, it was like I was supposed to be there. Something had led me to it. I had ‘It’s only time’ added, because I’ve never forgotten the day you spoke those words to me, right before I left for New York. At the time, I don’t think I knew what you meant, but now I do.”

“You found what inspired it.”

“I know. And you were right. It was only time. It didn’t separate us. We transcended it.”

“I’m glad we did.”

“Me too. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Truth be told, Brian couldn’t imagine his life without Justin either. And he didn't want to.

“I got you a little something too,” Brian said, placing the small box he’d been holding in his lap on the table in front of Justin.

“Tiffany’s?” Justin’s eyes were wide, his eyebrows practically up in his hairline. “Holy shit, Brian. You shouldn’t--”

“You don’t even know what it is. Open it.”

Justin untied the white ribbon on the light blue box and opened the lid. Inside was a small blue velvet pouch, containing the diamond cufflinks Brian had picked out the week before -- simple bars of white gold, set with dozens of tiny diamonds. Justin turned them over in his hand, the diamonds catching the morning light streaming in through the windows.

“For your next big art show, and all of the ones to come,” Brian said.

Justin laughed and shook his head, then looked up at Brian, his lips turned up into the tiniest smile, as if he was fighting a bigger one. “So I can look classy?”

“Always. You know what they say. Put your best foot forward.”

“Jesus, you’ve been hanging out with Rob for too long. You’re starting to adopt his motivational quotes.”

“Nah,” Brian said. “I just know a lot about first impressions. And you made a hell of one on me.”

“Took you long enough to admit it.” Justin smiled, his eyes sparkling brilliantly.

“At least you never took no for an answer.”

“I knew the truth. You loved me.”

“You knew it before I did, Sunshine.”

They spent the rest of their morning and afternoon just enjoying each other’s company, with no obligations and no expectations. All they wanted was to be with each other.

When five o’clock came around, it was time to see the fruits of Emmett’s labor, and for Brian to finally reveal the surprise he’d been planning for months.

Brian had an overwhelming sense of deja vu as they got ready for the party -- this time forgoing the suits and ties for something slightly more casual, but still nice. Ten years ago, back in Boston, he’d been keeping a secret -- a surprise for Justin. Tonight, he was doing the same. And, just like before, he couldn’t wait to see the look on Justin’s face when Justin saw what he had planned.

They went downstairs at the exact time Emmett had told them to arrive -- so they could make their grand entrance, he’d said -- and found their friend standing outside the doors to the ballroom, waiting. He greeted them both with hugs and kisses on the cheek.

“You look stunning, both of you!” Emmett said. He grabbed Justin by the shoulders and turned him around, evaluating his ensemble, which Brian had picked out -- a shirt the exact same shade of blue as his eyes, and a pair of charcoal grey pants. Brian had gone with a darker blue shirt for himself, though his pants were nearly the same color as Justin’s.

“Ready to go?” Emmett asked, his hand on the door, ready to swing it open.

Brian nodded. He was as ready as he ever would be. He just hoped that this time, everything went off without a hitch, just like it had in Boston.

When they entered the room, they were greeted by the smiling faces of their friends and family, all standing up and cheering for them as they made their way down the center aisle between the two rows of tables. The room was dimly lit, mostly by flickering candles on each table, although the overhead lights were on and emitting a very soft glow. The tablecloths were black, with runners in a festive deep red. Servers, dressed all in black, were circulating with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. A DJ in the corner was playing smooth jazz over the sound system, adding to the mood.

Emmett had really outdone himself, but the decor was still tasteful and modern and more Brian than Em. After so many years, he supposed Emmett did know him pretty well.

Brian looked over his shoulder at Emmett and smiled. “Thanks, Em,” he said. “It’s perfect.”

Emmett laid his hand on Brian’s shoulder and squeezed it. “I’m glad it’s everything you wanted. We’re all really happy for you guys. I’ll leave you to your guests -- I need to go check on the caterer.”

With that, he bustled away behind a partition, leaving Brian and Justin to make their way toward the table that had been set just for the two of them in the center of the room -- a slow-going task because people kept intercepting them to deliver hugs and congratulations and, in Debbie’s case, kisses that left behind red lipstick prints on their cheeks. Brian could feel the nervous anticipation building in his gut as he searched the room for Jennifer, finally finding her and making eye contact with her. She smiled and nodded -- signifying that everything was ready to go.

When Daphne rushed over to Justin and swept him into a hug, then pulled him toward the table where she’d been sitting with Lindsay, Melanie, Gus, and J.R., Brian knew it was time to make everything happen. He waited until Justin was sufficiently distracted by whatever-the-fuck Daphne was showing him on her phone, before pushing himself over to where Jennifer stood along the back wall of the room by a door, behind which his standing wheelchair should have been sitting in the adjacent hallway.

“I think I’m almost as excited for this as you are,” Jennifer said. “I’m so happy for both of you -- that you both have each other. I know it took me a long time to come around to believing you were good for my son, but I really am glad to be your mother-in-law.” She bent down and hugged him, kissing his cheek. “You’re the best spouse I ever could have asked for, for my son.”

“Thanks mom,” Brian said, returning her hug and hoping that the calmness that was apparent in Jennifer’s relaxed smile might spread to him via osmosis.

Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He glanced back at Justin, now crouching down in front of Esme and Sophia, who appeared to be showing off their dresses. Jennifer held the door to the hallway open for Brian, then stood guard at the window while he transferred to the standing wheelchair.

Once he was ready, Jennifer opened the door again and they went back into the room, where she grabbed her water goblet and tapped her knife against it a few times to get everyone’s attention. Once the crowd had quieted down, Justin gently disengaged from Esme and Sophia and walked back toward Brian. He was still several feet away when a confused look came over his face, and he looked like he wanted to say something about Brian’s chair when he finally got to him, but he didn’t have a chance to do it before Jennifer started speaking.

“Good evening, everyone,” she said. “We’re all so thankful for your presence this evening as we celebrate ten years of marriage for my son, Justin Taylor, and his husband, Brian Kinney.”

From there, Brian wasn’t paying much attention to Jennifer’s words because he was too distracted by the anxious feeling that had his stomach in knots. Now, he was just waiting for his cue. Jennifer kept talking, and heads kept nodding, and he could see Justin out of the corner of his eye, clearly trying to figure out what was going on.

“As all of you know, we nearly lost Justin again last year,” Jennifer said her voice wavering a bit.

Hearing Jennifer start to get emotional, Brian had to fight to keep the same emotions from rising up in himself. He had to keep his cool. Keep it together. He couldn't lose it now. Not yet.

“Luckily, we didn’t,” she continued, her voice a bit stronger, “and I couldn’t be prouder of his ability to take a tough situation and turn it around. He’s teaching now, he’s still making art, and he’s still living his life with as much passion and fervor as he always has. But, as many of you know, Justin suffered some memory loss, and there are some memories he never recovered, including the memory of his and Brian’s wedding. I remember what a beautiful day that was, and I know that memory was really special to both of them. So when Brian called me and asked me if I could help him recreate that memory for Justin, I couldn’t say no. So, friends, please join me in celebrating, once again, the union of Justin Taylor and Brian Kinney, as they renew their commitment to one another.”

Justin was still looking confused when Brian took his hand and led him over to where Jennifer was standing. Brian positioned himself in front of Justin, then pushed down and forward on the lever system that would bring him to a standing position. That seemed to be the point where Justin finally realized what was happening, and tears welled up in his eyes as he reached out for Brian and hugged him, gently and carefully at first, then more tightly, clinging to Brian and whispering a barely audible “thank you” in his ear. When Justin let him go, Brian held both of Justin’s hands in his, his own emotions threatening to overwhelm him as he tried to remember everything he wanted to say.

“Justin,” he started, trying to keep his voice from breaking. “First, I want to say how proud I am to have you as my husband. How much it means to me to go through this life with you by my side. I can’t imagine it without you, and I’m thankful that I didn’t have to face that reality last year.” He paused and swallowed, attempting to push down the emotions that were bubbling up inside him. “This past year has shown me just how much I have to be grateful for, and what’s truly important in my life. Of course, you’ve been showing me that for a long time. You’ve rescued me when I’ve been close to a point of no return. You saw me for me, even when it felt like no one else did. And after everything changed, you still saw the person you loved underneath. You never gave up on me.”

Brian closed his eyes for a moment, willing back the tears that were threatening to fall. He felt Justin’s fingers close more tightly around his. He opened his eyes to see Justin’s gentle smile, giving him the strength to go on.

“You’ve shown me what marriage can be -- what it should be. We encourage each other and lift each other up, and we’ve grown through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future. We’ve helped each other become what we are today. The only place I’m truly content is when I’m with you. Even when things are hard, you make life better. You put up with my shit.” Brian paused and winked at Justin, who was laughing through his tears. “But really, you make my life worth living. You have for a long time. Maybe before you even knew you were. So today, I want to renew my commitment to you -- my partner, my friend, and the man I want to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life. I love you, forever and always, no matter what our future brings. I’m looking forward to a lifetime of new memories with you.”

Brian tightened his grip on Justin’s hands and blinked back the tears that were beginning to blur his vision as he gazed into his husband’s beautiful blue eyes. The tear tracks on Justin’s face were glistening in the light as he looked up at Brian, wearing that same look of surprise and pure elation that he had ten years before at Boston City Hall.

“Brian…” Justin said, his voice wavering with emotion. “Shit, I can’t think.”

“Then don’t.” Brian squeezed his hands again and smiled at him.

“I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything. I already know.”

When Justin did speak, he did so softly, as if his words were meant only for Brian to hear. A private confession, said before an audience of all of the people who had loved them and supported them through the past sixteen years.

“I’ve loved you since I was 17. I’ve never forgotten that, or how much you mean to me. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, and the only one I ever will. You’ve rescued me too, so many times. More than you’ll ever know. There’s no one else I’d ever want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian again, harder this time, crushing his lips against Brian’s in a kiss that Brian knew he would never forget, while their family and friends clapped and cheered. When Justin let go, the smile on his face was easily the brightest thing in the entire room, and Brian knew he’d done exactly what he’d set out to do -- return to Justin one of the happiest memories of their life together, by creating a new one that was just as joyous.

“Now,” Brian said, nearly having to shout to be heard over the excited chatter in the room, “let’s eat, drink, and be merry!”

Brian lowered himself back down and led Justin back over to their table, where their dinner was already waiting, along with two glasses of the same wine they’d shared at the restaurant they’d gone to after their wedding. Brian was sure that detail would be lost on anyone else but him, but it was one that felt appropriate to include.

“Brian, this was… I don’t think I have a word to describe exactly what this was. Amazing. Unbelievable. But it was more than that. Standing there with you, hearing you say all those things...” Justin let his voice trail off. “I still don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

“I promise you won’t forget this one,” Brian said, smiling and raising his glass to his husband in a private toast. “To new memories.”

“To new memories.” Justin clinked his glass against Brian’s and they both took a sip of their wine.

After dinner and dessert, everyone took to the dance floor -- celebrating love and life. Brian had switched back to his regular chair and was dancing with Justin to some late 90s pop song Daphne swore up and down was played at the prom, when the music smoothly faded into a slow song, and they all transitioned along with it.

No sooner had Brian taken Justin’s hands in his own than he heard Jennifer’s voice from alongside him.

“May borrow your husband?” she asked, smiling first at Brian, before shifting her attention to Justin and adding, “Assuming you’re not too old to dance with your mother.”

With a smile and a wink, Brian released Justin’s hands, then slowly backed out of the way and returned to his and Justin’s table, where he sat sipping his wine and feeling more content than he had in a long time as he watched Jennifer hold Justin close, resting her head on his shoulder as they moved to the music.

The song was nearly over when Michael slid into Justin’s chair, propping his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. “So, when are you going to have us over for dinner?” he asked, the expression on his face dead serious at first, before he started laughing.

“If you don’t keep your mouth shut, never.” Brian smirked.

“I know,” Michael laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m just messing with you. I’m happy for you guys. And if this means I get to see you more often, that’s even better. I miss our lunches at the diner.”

“I do too. But now that we’ve got an actual office in New York…”

“I know, I know. Your life is there now. I still miss you though.” Michael pushed himself up from the chair and kissed Brian on the cheek. “Congratulations. Welcome to the neighborhood. Love you.”

“Love you too, Mikey.”

“Always have.”

“Always will.”

As Michael walked away, the DJ started playing another slow song. Jennifer and Justin kept dancing, so Brian pushed himself over to the table Rob and Adam had been sharing with Ted and Blake, which was currently deserted except for Rob and Esme because everyone else was out on the dance floor -- even Adam and Sophia.

“Congratulations, man,” Rob said, clapping Brian on the shoulder. “That was beautiful.”

“I’d say it was a success.” Brian smiled. “So why aren’t you two out on the dance floor?”

Rob laughed. “Dancing’s not really my thing.”

“Oh, come on. If I can do it, you can do it.”

“Trust me, I have zero rhythm. You don’t want me out there running over people’s toes.”

Brian looked over at Esme to ask her if she was having a good time, but she had her gaze firmly fixed on the next table, where Gus was seated next to Lindsay, probably trying to finagle a way to steal a sip of her wine without her noticing. When Gus got up and went to the dessert table, Esme quickly excused herself and walked over to the punch bowl, where she nearly spilled punch on herself because she was too busy watching Gus.

“Well, this is an interesting development,” Brian said. He looked at Rob and raised his eyebrow.

“She’s been eyeing him all night,” Rob laughed. “Trying to figure out a way to get his attention. But she’s too shy to actually speak to him.”

Esme stood in front of the dessert table awkwardly, holding her glass, staring at Gus. The second it looked like she was about to get up the confidence to speak, Gus turned and walked back to his table, cake in hand. Esme looked defeated, but she kept her eyes on Gus as she walked back toward their table.

Brian winked at Rob and whispered, “I’ll see what I can do.” He made his way over to Gus, who was starting in on what Brian was fairly sure was his third piece of cake.

“Hey, Sonny Boy,” Brian said, throwing his arm around Gus’s shoulders as he rolled up beside him. “Having a good time?”

“Yeah,” he said, giving his typical teenager noncommittal half-shrug. His mouth slowly turned up into a half-smirk that made Brian feel like he was looking in a mirror. “I did learn that you and Justin are two of the world’s biggest saps.”

Brian chuckled. “I used to feel that way too, about people in love. But one day you’ll meet someone who makes you feel something you’ve never felt before, and you’ll understand. In the meantime, I think there’s someone over there who would like to dance with you.” Brian gestured in Esme’s direction, trying not to be too obvious.

Gus smiled shyly and looked down at his plate. “She’s been following me around all night. I think she thinks I haven’t noticed.”

“Well, maybe you can make the first move, then. Make her night. Do it for your old man?”

Gus laughed and shook his head, still reminding Brian so much of himself. “Okay dad,” he said. “For you. Consider it your anniversary gift.”

“Deal.”

Brian watched Gus walk over to Esme and bend down beside her. Even in the low light, it was easy to see how red she got the instant Gus started talking to her. She nodded her head, and Gus held her hand as she got up from her chair.

While Gus led Esme to the dance floor, Brian made his way back to Rob, the dessert plate containing Gus’s slice of cake in his lap. “So, your kid is straight, huh,” Brian said, taking a bite of the cake. “Please accept my sincere condolences.”

“I must have missed the checkbox where you request a gay one. My mistake,” Rob let out a quiet laugh. “But didn’t Gus have a girlfriend last summer when he came to visit? I remember you bitching about him spending more time on the phone with her than he did with you.”

“And now he’s got a boyfriend, according to Lindsay. I don’t think he knows what the fuck he is.”

“He’s 17, Brian. He probably knows. I know I did, and I’m sure you did too.”

Brian sighed. “I know. Lindsay and Melanie have just been encouraging him to go with his gut feeling and not worry about labels. But Lindsay’s pretty sure he’s bi.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t worry about labels either.”

“I just don’t get it, though.”

“What don’t you get? Just because you can’t imagine yourself liking pussy doesn’t mean your son can’t.”

“Cock is so much better, though.” Brian was being sarcastic, but there was a small bit of seriousness there too.

Rob shook his head and smiled, rolling his eyes at Brian’s remark. “I don’t disagree. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t people out there that like both. Maybe Gus is one of those people. It sounds like he might be.”

“You know, Justin called me a heterophobe once.”

“I don’t disagree with that either.” Rob raised his eyebrow.

“Oh, thanks a lot.”

“But being bisexual isn’t being hetero. Even if he marries a woman and has a dozen kids and stays married to her for fifty years--”

“God help us if that happens.”

“But even if that happens, he’ll still be bi. He doesn’t have to pick a side. And part of your job as a parent is to accept him, even when you don’t understand.”

Brian knew Rob was right, and that Rob was simply calling him on his bullshit right now, like he always did. Brian still liked the idea of Gus being able to just be himself -- no excuses, no apologies, no regrets -- but he also found it hard to wrap his brain around the thought that Gus might not be on one side or the other. He might be right in the middle.

“I wouldn’t panic yet, though,” Rob said, grinning. “I’m pretty sure this is just a schoolgirl crush. He’s a little old for her. Although I heard that Kinneys like ‘em young.”

“Fuck you,” Brian said, giving Rob a playful shove. He tried to look mad, but his smile belied his intent. “Besides, he’s not a Kinney. He’s a Marcus-Peterson.”

“Have you looked at him? Spent any time with him? That kid is all you, Brian. Even if his last name isn’t Kinney.”

“Poor bastard.”

“I don’t know. I think he got pretty lucky. His dad’s a good guy. I’m glad he’s my friend.”

Brian looked down and shook his head. He still wasn’t good with sentimentality. “Thanks,” he said.

“I mean it.”

“I know.”

As the song wound down, Jennifer hugged Justin and kissed his cheek before she let him go, and Gus brought Esme back to the table where Rob and Brian were sitting. Esme looked like she was on cloud nine, grinning from ear to ear as she practically floated back to her seat. Gus had definitely made her night. Maybe even her year.

“Is that my cake?” Gus asked, pointing at the plate in front of Brian, which now held a nearly half-eaten slice of cake.

“We can share it,” Brian said. “I just wanted a bite. Besides, I paid for it, so technically it’s mine.”

“I wouldn’t listen to him if I were you.” Justin’s voice broke into the conversation as he walked up behind Brian. “Your dad will eat it all, and pretend he doesn’t like cake. Or chocolate. And yet he ordered black forest cake for our anniversary party.”

“Emmett ordered it,” Brian corrected him. “And it’s your favorite and you know it, so shut up.”

“Actually, I didn’t come over here to argue about cake. I came over to see if you’d dance with me.” Justin was smiling, suddenly looking shy. He took Brian’s hand and pulled him toward the dance floor, the role reversal not lost on Brian as he thought of his 30-year-old self leading Justin through a crowd of dancing teenagers like Moses parting the Red Sea. Justin led Brian out into the center of the room while their family and friends moved to the edges. When the upbeat song that had been playing faded out and was replaced with another, more familiar tune, Brian’s sense of deja vu only grew stronger.

“I thought you said this was a corny old song?” Brian said, arching his eyebrow.

“I’d prefer to think of it as ridiculously romantic,” Justin said, his smile seeming to light up the entire room.

“We haven’t danced to this in a long time.”

“No time like the present, right?”

Justin and Brian had the dance floor all to themselves as they turned and twirled, their hands intertwined as they moved to the music while their friends and family looked on. It was a much different atmosphere than the last time they’d danced to this song -- instead of the faces of shocked teenagers, they were surrounded this time by happy smiles. The love of their family.

But just like before, Brian lost himself in it -- remembering how it had felt to look into Justin’s eyes and feel like they were the only ones in the entire room. Remembering the moment when he’d first realized that he loved this kid.

Thankful to still be here with him, holding his hand, knowing that later that night, they’d be in each other’s arms, at home -- their new home.

As the last strains of the song faded away, Brian pulled Justin down onto his lap and kissed him deeply, for long enough that he heard Debbie mutter to Michael, “Do you think they’re gonna fuck right here on the dance floor?”

“That would probably answer a lot of their questions, wouldn’t it?” Brian said, his voice soft and low.

“I’d prefer to keep up the illusion of mystery,” Justin whispered. “Let’s go upstairs.”

“In a minute,” Brian said, pulling his lips into his mouth to hide a smile. “I have one more thing to show you.”

The family gave them a send off as if they were newlyweds -- although Brian supposed, in a way, they were. But instead of taking Justin upstairs to their room, he led him outside to where a valet was waiting with their rental car.

“Where are we going?” Justin asked.

“You’ll see.”

Once they were in the car, Brian reached into the pocket on the inside of his jacket and pulled out a small box, handing it to Justin.

“What’s this?” Justin’s brow was furrowed as he looked at Brian in confusion, his eyes glittering in the orange glow from the streetlights. “You’ve already done so much--”

“Open it.” Brian cut Justin off, because he couldn’t wait any longer.

Justin took the top of the box to reveal a set of keys. His confusion deepened, as Brian fought to keep from grinning too much just yet.

“What are these for?” Justin asked, turning them over in his fingers.

“I’ll show you.”

Fifteen minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of the house Brian had bought and renovated, and Brian finally let the grin that he’d been holding back spread across his face. Justin looked back and forth between the house and Brian. Then the keys and the house. Then the keys and Brian.

“Is this…?” Justin looked from the house to the keys again. “Are these keys to this house?”

“Only one way to find out,” Brian said, pushing the door open and reclining his seat back all the way so he could take the components of his wheelchair out of the backseat.

Justin was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, still alternating between staring at the house and the keys in his hand, when Brian came up behind him.

“Aren’t you going to unlock the door?” Brian said gently.

“You bought me a house?” Justin turned and looked at Brian, eyes full of disbelief.

“I bought us a house. So that when we’re here, we can be at home.”

“Brian, this is too much.”

“Nothing is too much for you.” Brian took Justin’s hand in his own. “In fact, there’s nothing that could ever possibly be enough.”

Brian took Justin on a tour of the house -- with its bamboo flooring and granite countertops and spacious bedrooms and a bathroom with a roll-in shower whose size rivaled the one he’d had in the loft. Justin’s mouth was agape and his eyes still wide with surprise and wonder as they ended their tour in the kitchen.

“You really are fucking unbelievable,” Justin said, still looking around, seemingly trying to take it all in. “You can’t just do something small. It has to be some huge, grand gesture, every single time.”

“What can I say? Go big or go home.” Brian took Justin’s hands and pulled him down for a kiss. “So welcome home. Our second home.”

Brian opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of champagne, then led Justin to the bathroom, where two champagne flutes awaited alongside the fancy chocolates from that shop downtown he knew Justin loved. They spent the evening together, enjoying the custom jacuzzi tub while they sipped champagne and fed each other truffles in between long, sensual kisses that led to more -- much more -- as they climbed into their brand new bed for the first time and christened their new home together.

“That was a pretty good wedding night,” Brian said, as they lay together in the dimly lit room, his fingers carding through Justin’s hair as the younger man’s head lay on his chest.

“It was beautiful. All of it.” Justin paused and took a deep breath, then turned and looked up at Brian, baby blue meeting hazel. “As beautiful as the Christmas tree at Boston Common on a snowy night.”

Brian couldn’t speak. He had so many questions -- when, how, why didn't you tell me -- but none of them mattered. All he could do was close his eyes as the tears fell unbidden from beneath his eyelids and his arms pulled Justin’s body to his in a tight embrace. Even if he could have spoken, he didn’t have words to describe what he was feeling at that moment. For all of the times he’d recounted the story of their wedding to Justin, he’d never mentioned the Christmas tree. Justin had remembered that all on his own. He remembered.

“When you stood in front of me and you looked into my eyes, it all came flooding back to me,” Justin said softly, his fingers grazing Brian’s cheeks as they wiped away the tears. “I remember the snow. I remember standing there with you, saying our vows. I remember hugging you, and how everyone was crying. I remember how it felt to hug you like that for the first time in such a long time. Holding you. Putting the ring on your finger. Kissing you. How fucking much I loved you. How much I still do. It was beautiful. And it was perfect. Just like my life with you.”

Justin took Brian’s hand and brought their intertwined fingers to his lips.

“I love you,” he whispered. “Then, now, and forever.”

On the tenth anniversary of his wedding night, Brian Kinney lay holding Justin Taylor in their bed, in their house. A house in the suburbs.

It wasn’t anywhere he thought he’d ever be. It wasn’t a part of his plan.

But, then again, since when had anything gone according to plan once Justin had entered his life?

Justin had taken his plan and torn out half of the pages and rearranged the rest. And when the story had taken a very different turn on June 21, 2006, Justin had merely picked right up where he left off, rewriting Brian’s story.

Making it beautiful. Taking his pain and transforming it into peace. Acceptance. Love.

Just as Brian had tried to do for Justin for most of the last year.

Life had tried to tear them apart so many times, but it seemed like each time, they’d only end up stitched back together again, much stronger.

His life story wasn’t linear. It had a lot of twists and turns, and there were most certainly bumps in the long and winding path it followed.

But it sure did seem to be making its way toward a happy ending.

There had been pain. There had been strife. There had been tough lessons learned, with plenty of guilt and blame to go around.

But there had also been joy. And one common thread that seemed to weave together all of the most joyous moments.

Justin.

In this one beautiful, perfect moment -- holding his husband’s hand as he slept contentedly, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Justin’s chest against his own body -- Brian realized that it was all worth it.

All the pain. All of the strife.

It was what ultimately brought the joy.

And he wouldn’t trade one second of it. Not for anything in the world.

If we can make it through the storm
Become who we were before
Promise me, we’ll never look back
The worst is far behind us now
We’ll make it out of here somehow
Meet me in the aftermath
Oh, meet me in the aftermath

- Lifehouse, “Aftermath.” Lyrics by Jason Wade.

*****

If you've read my early fics, you've probably picked up on the fact that I love Lifehouse. I have long thought that "Aftermath" was a perfect song for Brian and Justin, but when I was listening to it one day as I was working on one of the final parts of this story, I realized just how much it related to the overall plot arc in this series. I wanted to share the song with all of you, so I asked if anyone would be willing to create a Brian & Justin video featuring the song, and kitkatbyte answered the call. Thank you, Wendy, for putting this amazing video together!

Now, all of that said...please click here to enjoy her creation...