If there was one thing Brian hated, it was waiting. It wasn’t really any specific kind of waiting either; he hated it all. Traffic? No thanks. Takeout delivery longer than stated? Not okay. Client running late for a business meeting? Did he look like he was made out of time? And could it take Jeff from the Art Department any fucking longer to get back to him with the mock-ups he requested? However, in the case of the latter, waiting was his only option. And it was one of those situations where starting something new was impractical, so he just had to sit it out and hope it didn’t take much longer.
So he turned to the Internet.
Brian actually spent surprisingly little time surfing around online when it wasn’t work-related. He didn’t have personal social media accounts, used phone apps designated for his news, had the sites he used regularly for everyday transactions bookmarked, and didn’t need to seek out tricks online these days, so the need for mindlessly scrolling webpage after webpage was basically absent for him.
Except, apparently, for when fucking Jeffrey couldn’t get his work done on time.
Brian had no idea how he ended up on it, but eventually, through the series of various pages (and none of them had anything to do with gossip about a certain likely-closeted actor and his new beard, er, bride…), a link caught his eye. He wasn’t sure why, but he clicked it, thinking What the hell. At least it’ll be good for a laugh.
The article was called, “10 Signs You’re Going to Marry Your Boyfriend Someday” and it was from some website Brian had never heard of, but at least it sounded interest-based, rather than trashy tabloid fodder (since, certainly, he’d never, ever spend time on any of those…)
The article started with about as much of a cliche as Brian could expect; a tale of a woman who married her husband after just weeks of knowing him, and how sometimes, you just know. Brian couldn’t help but roll his eyes. The least amount of time it had taken him to even get close to considering a potential wedding was five years, and even that was pushing it, since it hadn’t happened.
“When you meet the man whom you’ll want to marry,” the article read, “you’ll feel all kinds of new and different things. It’s these feelings that’ll make you realize just how special he is. Below, you’ll find just some of the things you may feel when you’ve found the man you should marry.”
This’ll be good, Brian thought to himself and scrolled to the first point.
1. You’ll feel surprised a guy like him even exists
Brian frowned. Only at number one, and already something as non-specific as this? It seemed like a cop-out. Didn’t everyone say that about their significant other? However, just as Brian was about to read on for further explanation, his desk phone rang.
“Yeah?” he answered, not even bothering to glance at the corresponding extension.
“We’re ready for you, Brian,” Jeff’s voice replied.
“It’s about time. Be right there,” Brian replied, and closed his laptop without another thought.
***
“So they liked the pitch?” Justin asked later that night, after Brian had finished regaling him with a summary of his day.
“We were fucking brilliant,” Brian admitted, sounding more proud than cocky. “I gave Jeff a lot of shit for not having the mock-ups ready in time, but I have to hand it to him -- they were worth the wait.”
“That’s great!” Justin exclaimed, giving the pot in front of him one final stir. Brian joined him at the stove, holding two bowls that Justin carefully ladled full of homemade cioppino.
“This smells fucking amazing,” Brian commented appreciatively, leaning down to breathe in the fragrant tomatoey broth. “What prompted this?”
Justin shrugged, looking pleased with Brian’s reaction to the meal when he hadn’t even tried it yet -- though Justin could vouch from stolen sips of broth that it would taste even better than it looked. “I got out of the gallery early, so I met Daph for coffee, and it was right near Citarella, so we were wandering around and I ended up chatting with one of the fishmongers who was raving about this shipment of fresh clams they’d just gotten… I guess it just went from there.”
“Wow,” Brian replied, both at a loss for what to say, as he couldn’t imagine himself in that scenario, but also with admiration for Justin and his innate ability to start a conversation with anyone at any time about virtually anything. And in this case, Brian got to benefit by way of a gourmet home-cooked meal. “Well, it looks incredible.”
Justin grabbed a loaf of crusty bread he’d had warming in the oven while Brian carried their bowls to the table, and they sat to eat, not talking for several moments as neither could get enough of the flavorful fish and seafood soup.
“Do you like it?” Justin finally asked, discarding a clam shell into the extra bowl he’d placed on the table.
“You’ve really outdone yourself, Sunshine,” Brian said, picking up his wine glass and tilting it in Justin’s direction. “It’s superb.”
Justin smiled, genuinely proud of himself for pulling off the dish on his first attempt. “Thanks.” He took his own wine glass and toasted Brian, then sipped his Sangiovese.
“By the way, did your mom have any issues arranging her flight for next week?” Brian asked, reminding Justin that Jennifer had plans to spend the following long weekend with them. Brian had told her to put the flight on his private account.
“Oh shit,” Justin groaned. “I was supposed to call her back or text her with your account number, and I completely forgot.”
Brian gestured to his briefcase, sitting on one of the high-top chairs at the island counter. “Grab my laptop, you can pull up the information and send it to her.”
“Mind if I do it really quick?” Justin asked, glancing down apologetically at his half-full bowl of soup, and then across the table at Brian. “I just don’t want to make her wait any longer than I already have.”
“Go for it,” Brian shrugged, undeterred in shoveling a spoonful of broth and halibut into his mouth.
Justin stood up from the table and walked to the island, retrieving what he needed from Brian’s bag. When he got back to the table, he opened the laptop and entered Brian’s password, only to immediately squint at what he saw on the screen. “Um…” he started, but before Brian could respond, he minimized the window and opened a new one, quickly locating the information he needed, and sending it in an email to his mom, asking her to text him when she received it.
“Something wrong?” Brian asked, wondering why Justin hadn’t said anything beyond his single perplexed utterance a few seconds before.
Justin looked back up at his partner, amusement dancing in his eyes. “Not at all… aside from my genuine curiosity as to why you were reading an article entitled, ‘10 Signs You’re Going to Marry Your Boyfriend Someday’... Anything you’d like to share with the class, Mr. Kinney?”
“Oh,” Brian stuttered, and Justin could have sworn he was blushing a little. “I was bored earlier, killing time while I was waiting for the mock-ups, and it showed up on some web page, so I started reading it.”
“And? The verdict?” Justin prompted, his tone teasing.
“I didn’t get far,” Brian muttered. “I’m sure it’s a bunch of bullshit.”
Justin’s smile grew wider. “Well, why don’t we find out?”
And so he pulled up the window and began to read.
***
1. You’ll feel surprised a guy like him even exists.
“That just seems like a cop-out,” Brian began, echoing his thought from earlier, when he’d first read that particular item.
Justin frowned slightly. “I don’t know… I mean… I remember kind of thinking that about you the very first time we met.”
“Why, because you hadn’t yet met any adults?” Brian teased. Justin rolled his eyes and flipped Brian off, but he was smirking.
“No,” he said, growing more serious again. “It wasn’t only then, either. But I just couldn’t imagine anyone else I’d ever want to be with. Everything about you seemed so perfect to me.”
“Sunshine,” Brian interjected, raising an eyebrow. “You of all people know how close to perfect I am absolutely not. Sometimes I still don’t know why you want to be with me.”
“Oh shut up,” Justin argued. “Besides. Back in the early days, even though I felt like a dorky teenager -- hold your comment -- you still gave me the time of day, even though you tried to act like you didn’t want to. And you still welcomed me into your bed almost anytime I wanted it.”
“Probably because I wanted it just as much. Which, admittedly, I didn’t expect.” Brian paused, as if debating what he was about to say next, and then seemingly made a decision. “And I still feel that way, which, if you ask anyone who’s ever known me, is definitely not something I thought I’d ever want with one person.”
“So,” Justin hedged, trying to contain his satisfaction with Brian’s response. “Are you saying you feel surprised a guy like me even exists?”
Brian rolled his eyes. “Fine. Next one.”
2. You’ll feel completely comfortable in your own skin.
“Comfortable is sort of a broad descriptor,” Justin said, curious how Brian would choose to interpret this particular item. On one hand, they’d been completely comfortable with each other pretty early on, especially considering within the first hour of knowing each other, they’d ended up bare-ass naked on Brian’s bed, stroking each other’s dicks.
“Well, in a literal sense, I’d say we had that down pretty early,” Brian said, unsurprisingly echoing Justin’s thoughts.
Justin nodded. “But comfortable like… completely at ease…”
Brian furrowed his brow in thought. “Doesn’t seem like it was much of a problem for you,” he said, then took another bite of his soup.
Justin’s eyes widened. “Um, hello. Do you not remember our first meeting? I was practically shitting myself out of nervousness and wanting to impress you!”
“Oh right,” Brian said, though they both knew that the memory hadn’t escaped him. “You tried to tell me you were twenty-one.”
“And that I knew what rimming was,” Justin added, his expression indicating the absurdity of it. “But you just seemed totally confident and sure of yourself.”
“Well obviously in that scenario I was, compared to you.” Brian paused, sipping his wine before he continued. “But I think we both know my comfort level was far from settled back then -- with you or anyone else. What else does it say?”
“Despite your ‘bad’ personal habits, you feel totally comfortable being yourself around each other. It’s not that you don’t know about those personality traits (especially by now). Instead, it’s that you love and accept each other anyway. You don’t look beyond those traits, you just get that they are part of what makes each of you… well, you. When you meet the man you’ll end up marrying, you’ll feel glad that you can be yourself, and still feel his love and acceptance no matter what,” Justin read.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start with my ‘bad personal habits,’” Brian said, letting out a slow breath, his eyes slightly bugged. “I mean,” he continued. “At least I don’t think I’ve got anything too revolting that you have to deal with.”
“But we have shared a bathroom for the better part of this century,” Justin pointed out.
Brian’s eyes narrowed. “Well, last time I checked, you shit just like the rest of us mere mortals.”
“And you snore like a buzzsaw.”
“You cry literally every time you watch that show with the family from Pittsburgh.”
“And so did you when you watched the episode with me, where Randall’s biological dad dies.”
“And I never fucking watched that show again.” Brian’s tone indicated that a sensitive nerve had been struck, so Justin decided to change directions.
“You didn’t judge me when I could barely form coherent sentences or write my own name, and had to listen to my mother.”
“You don’t judge that I find it too painful to consider even the thought of a conversation with mine.”
Justin brought his wine glass to his lips in an effort to hide his slight surprise at Brian’s willingness to admit to that information so openly. It was probably one of the truest testaments to how their relationship had grown over the years. But yet again, Brian seemed to echo Justin’s thoughts.
“And I think that just put a definitive check mark on number two.”
3. You’ll feel attracted to him all the time.
When Justin finished reading the statement, he looked up to find Brian smiling impishly at him, seeming relieved by the change in topics.
“What?” Justin asked, unable to contain his own smile.
“Fuck this fucking quiz -- or whatever it is. I don’t even want to pretend to argue this one. Anyone who’s ever spent thirty seconds with us would know it’s a fucking lie if I tried to deny it.”
Justin absorbed the compliment, feeling his grin deepen. “Is that so?”
“Sunshine,” Brian continued, setting his spoon down. “If you hadn’t made the stockpot equivalent to the best fucking orgasm of my life, we would not be sitting at this table right now.”
“It’s still a little early to go to bed,” Justin argued, but then added, “Not that I’d have been able to resist if you’d tried. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m pretty fucking attracted to you too.”
Brian’s smile returned, softer this time, indicating his satisfaction with that response. “It’s pretty amazing,” he admitted.
“How hot you are for me?” Justin teased, raising his eyebrows and licking his bottom lip suggestively.
“Do that again, and you won’t find out what’s on the rest of this list,” Brian warned, his hazel eyes darkening. “It’s been a day, and there’s literally nothing I want more -- except for maybe emptying this bowl first -- than showing you firsthand just how attracted I am to you.”
“I’m glad you like the cioppino so much,” Justin replied, smirking, though it was really more of a decoy so he could try to ignore the sudden throbbing of his dick.
“I promise I’ll show you just how much later.”
Justin nodded, smiling more genuinely, though. “It’s sort of crazy how amazing our sex life still is after all these years, you know?”
Brian nodded back. “I told you before, I’ve literally never imagined feeling this with anyone else. I didn’t think it was possible. I never wanted it more than once with anyone else, but--”
“I can’t get enough of you,” Justin finished. “I don’t ever want to, either.”
The two men gazed steadily at each other across the table until finally, Brian cleared his throat. “I think you better just read the next one.”
4. You’ll feel like you can work anything out without a fight.
“Well,” Justin started, immediately after he finished reading, “we really don’t fight that often, so…”
“But is it fight as in getting angry, or actual fisticuffs, or just something as simple as a petty argument? Because…” Brian countered, trailing off.
“Hmm.” Justin chewed on his lip thoughtfully. “I don’t think we’ve ever had a real physical fight. I mean there’s more of, like, the rougher stuff in bed that we’ve done, but… I wouldn’t count anything like that here. And we don’t really get mad at each other that often either. Back in the beginning, I would say it happened more, but now…”
“Funny how that ‘talking’ thing works after all,” Brian teased, then dunked a chunk of bread in his remaining soup broth and ate it.
“Though,” Justin continued pointedly. “I definitely feel like sometimes you argue with me simply for the sake of arguing.”
“That’s not true,” Brian said immediately, around his mouth of bread. Justin looked up sharply, but saw the teasing smile playing at the corner of Brian’s lips.
“Fuck off,” he laughed. “Seriously though. I feel like this one is a pretty easy answer, don’t you? We don’t really fight over anything anymore. At least not anything serious.”
Brian shrugged, unable to disagree. “Guess that makes us four-for-four.”
5. You’ll feel like he truly cherishes you.
As soon as Justin finished reading, Brian pretended to vomit. “Sap city,” he intoned, rolling his eyes.
Justin laughed a little at first, but then grew serious. “Let’s see what the rest of it says, then,” he said before continuing to read. “While you may often joke about how corny he is, you’ll find you actually love it: He makes you feel like you’re the best thing that ever happened to him. When you meet the man you’re going to marry, you won’t wonder how he feels about you. He’ll make it clear that you are incredibly special to him.”
By the time Justin finished, Brian was frowning a little.
“What?” Justin asked, tilting his bowl to get the last of his soup.
“Well, I think you pass this one with flying colors. Me, on the other hand…”
Now it was Justin’s turn to frown. “You think you don’t let me know that I’m special to you?” he asked. “Or is it that you don’t think you’re corny enough? Because I can assure you that you can be plenty corny when you want to be.”
Brian shrugged. “It says, ‘you won’t wonder how he feels about you.’ That’s one area where I’ve always struggled -- letting people know how I feel about them. Wanting them to know, even.”
Justin gave Brian a thoughtful look, and began talking as he stood from the table to collect their bowls. “I get that letting someone know what they mean to you can be a scary thing. You and I have talked about that a lot over the years. But you’ve gotten a lot better about it. And trust me, I know that you do plenty of things to show that you love me. Because I know you. So even if it might not stand out to someone else, it matters to me. I love that our relationship has so many non-traditional ways for us to communicate what we mean to each other.”
Brian nodded, processing Justin’s words. “I guess I just think back to the early years, when I wanted you to stay, but I was just too afraid to ask you to, and it ultimately drove you away.”
“Brian,” Justin said seriously, returning to the table with a small bakery box in his hand. “You couldn’t drive me away now if you tried. And you do show that you cherish me. Even through something as seemingly mundane as holding my hand while we walk down the street, or picking up my favorite bagels on your way home from work, or even that you continue to have sex with me -- especially because now it’s only me. I mean, really, everything you do that is only with or for me -- those are the things that matter, no matter what they are. Because it’s what I know makes me special to you.”
“Thanks,” Brian said quietly, his features reflecting both his relief and gratitude for Justin’s understanding. “And I guess I should say that the feeling is mutual. The knowing…”
“Why, because I’ve told you practically every day since I was seventeen?” Justin teased. “But seriously. I’m in it for the long haul. Because of who you are, because of who you aren’t, and everything in between.”
“I believe you. So am I,” Brian replied.
“Well then this exercise is coming along swimmingly,” Justin said with a grin, then popped open the white cardboard box. “Raspberry-Lemon Tart?”
6. You’ll feel like his little quirks are more adorable than irritating.
“You find almost everything he does to be charming. Moments that would typically bother you, like leaving socks on the floor or leftovers on the table, don’t get to you. Now, they just make you laugh. It’s different because they’re coming from him, the perfect guy for you,” Justin read.
“Neither of us leaves socks on the floor, and we’re both extremely fastidious about cleaning up the kitchen after meals, so that’s no help…” Brian began, tapping his index finger on his chin.
Justin licked a bit of lemon curd off of his fork. “You always do that thing where you pull your lips into your mouth, like-- Yes! That, exactly.” Justin smiled triumphantly as Brian did exactly what he was describing.
“That irritates you?” Brian quirked an eyebrow in Justin’s direction.
Justin shook his head. “Not at all. But it’s definitely one of your quirks.”
“When do I do it?” Brian asked. “It’s not intentional.”
“I don’t really think there’s any specific time,” Justin replied. And it was true. The expression was a tendency Brian fell back on when he was he was feeling any number of things, whether he was being modest, or coy, or processing something new, or trying to fight against saying something he knew he shouldn’t. More than anything, it was something familiar, and as much as he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, Justin knew it was something about Brian that he loved.
Brian nodded, accepting Justin’s minimal outward response for now. “What else?”
“Hmm,” Justin said. “Oh! How long it takes you to get ready every time we go out. It’s like we’re back in the early years and you’re trying to make sure you’re in pristine condition for whatever trick you’re planning to bring home that night -- except it’s not just when we go to Babylon anymore, and I have it on good authority that you’re not bringing home tricks these days.”
Brian was smirking by the time Justin finished. “Well, Sunshine, for as long as it takes me to get ready to go out, I don’t hear the person who does come home with me every night complaining about it.”
“Of course I don’t.”
Brian gave him a knowing look. “Well, then I guess the plan works.”
Now it was Justin’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “You do all of that for me?”
“And for myself,” Brian admitted. “I just generally feel better knowing that I look good… But most of it, yeah. I like knowing that you think I look good too.” Brian’s lips rolled inward as he finished speaking, this time a shy expression settling on his face. “I just did it, didn’t I?” he realized a second later.
Justin simply smiled fondly, then said, “What about me?”
Brian thought for a moment before saying, “You do that hand thing. It’s kind of just like a periodic fidget now, but you’ve done it almost as long as I’ve known you. Like… your hand is down like this,” he placed his hand flat on the table. “Then you go back and forth lifting up each finger individually.
“Oh!” Justin’s face lit up with recognition. “I didn’t realize I did it with noticeable frequency, but yeah. That was one of my physical therapy exercises for dexterity when I was trying to relearn how to use my right hand. I used to have the hardest time lifting my middle and ring fingers, but now…” He demonstrated the exercise with perfect execution, causing Brian to smile proudly.
“You used to do it all the fucking time, and I don’t think you realized it,” Brian said. “And at first, it drove me crazy, especially if it made tapping noises every time you let a finger fall back down.” He paused, looking down at the table and sounding like he was about to make a confession. “But at some point, I told myself that it meant you were alive and recovering, and… honestly, now, it makes me smile if I catch you doing it. It’s like a reminder of how far you’ve come.”
Justin smiled at Brian’s words, and said, “I think all of this is a reminder of how far we’ve come.”
7. You’ll feel like he shares your vision of the future.
“So this one,” Justin said, still skimming as he spoke, “basically says that even though we may have different habits or interests, ultimately, we’re heading in the same direction and see the future in the exact same way.”
“Do you disagree?” Brian asked, pouring the rest of the Sangiovese into his glass. Though the Citarella tart had been every bit as good as he expected, he’d only taken a few bites before passing the remainder of his slice to Justin, opting instead for a liquid dessert. Justin had not protested.
“If you had asked me this question about fifteen years ago, then yeah, probably,” Justin admitted, giving Brian a smirk, but to his surprise, Brian’s expression looked troubled, his eyes having taken on a faraway look.
“To be a couple, both people have to want the same things, to move in the same direction. If they can’t, or won’t, they really have nowhere to go,” he murmured, not meeting Justin’s eyes.
“I agree,” Justin said, narrowing his eyes in confusion and a little bit of concern. “Who said that?”
Brian looked up. “You did. Right before you left me.”
“Oh. I guess I forgot...” Justin looked down at the table, and then back up at Brian. “Wait. You remembered all of that, verbatim? Brian, it’s been a long, long time since that happened.” Justin watched his partner carefully, debating if this was a time when Brian wanted actual physical space to process his thoughts, or if it was exactly the opposite and he needed comfort.
“It rolled around in my head for a long, long time,” Brian replied, shrugging one shoulder as he looked at Justin. “I didn’t think you’d actually go… but you did. And I kept asking myself what I could have said differently to stop you. And…” he let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Honestly, for a long time, I don’t know that there was much, because it still wouldn’t have been what you need-- no, what you deserved to hear.”
The tone in Brian’s voice was what made Justin decide to stay put, because he could tell that Brian was walking a careful line of composure, and that any deviation in that line could bring the conversation to a screeching halt. So Justin remained in his chair, and waited quietly, allowing Brian the space he needed to formulate the rest of what he wanted to say.
After a few seconds, Brian cleared his throat and continued. “Even after the bomb at Babylon… it’s not that I was insincere in proposing. I think you know that much--”
Justin nodded his affirmation. “Of course I did.”
“It still just wasn’t… enough. Not in hindsight.”
“I don’t think I was really ready then either,” Justin admitted, gauging it safe to weigh in. “I thought I knew what a relationship was supposed to be like, but there was so much I was missing. My mom was actually the one who kind of brought it to my attention shortly after I left, but I didn’t want to hear it.”
Brian tilted his head, giving him a questioning look. “You never mentioned.”
Justin smiled a little “She actually stuck up for you, pointed out how you’d really done nothing but treat me well, and questioned why neither of us was willing to change.”
Brian couldn’t fight the small smile that quirked his lips. “What did you tell her? That we’re the two most stubborn motherfuckers on the face of the planet?”
“I told her that wasn’t love, it was sacrifice.”
“Ah.” Brian’s face went slack, hearing his own words echoed back at him, this time, as the straw that had broken the proverbial camel’s back all those years before.
“She told me, in kinder words, that I was full of shit for believing that, and that love was about compromise and understanding… acceptance. And she was right, but--”
“It wouldn’t have changed anything back then,” Brian finished, sensing where Justin was going. “Like you said, a couple needs to move in the same direction. And we weren’t.”
“What about now?” Justin asked, hoping he wasn’t crossing back into too-sensitive territory when Brian was already feeling a bit vulnerable. But it was something he needed to hear.
Brian was silent for several seconds, but his voice was thick when he finally spoke. “There is literally no direction I wouldn’t follow you.”
Justin smiled, feeling warmth forming behind his eyes at the sincerity he saw in Brian’s. “What if you just stayed by my side and we chose the route together?”
8. You’ll feel like your relationship is sacred.
“So, is this supposed to be like a religious thing?” Brian asked a few moments later, after they had taken some time to regroup and clear the table, following the unexpected emotional walk down memory lane. “Because I think Jesus can attest to both of us calling out to him during some of our more… sacred experiences.”
Justin laughed. “I actually told Daphne that I saw the face of God after you fucked me the first time. She gave me shit about it forever.”
Brian snorted, then said, “Okay, really. What does it say?”
Justin scrolled down further and read, “The two of you make your relationship a priority. When you feel like you’re spending too much of your energy elsewhere, work or otherwise, you make it a point to recenter yourselves and nourish your relationship. Even if you’re the type to put others’ needs ahead of your own, when you meet ‘the one,’ you’ll want to make emotional space for your guy and your relationship. They’ll both feel extremely sacred to you.”
“Does going over this list qualify?” Brian asked, his tone sarcastic, but Justin could tell he was asking sincerely.
“I think so,” he agreed. “Plus we always do Friday date night, unless Gus is here -- but even then, we still go out. We try to have dinner together during the week, so long as we’re not working late...”
“And make sure there’s time to bitch about our respective work days once we get home.”
“We also text a lot during the day, so the catch-up time is really more like follow-up.”
“I used to fucking hate texting,” Brian admitted. “I still do, for the most part. But…” he paused, giving Justin a meaningful look. “I like when I see that it’s your name on the screen.”
Justin smiled. “You’re the first person I want to tell when anything notable happens. What else?”
“Well… we still fuck with impressive frequency,” Brian said, causing Justin to roll his eyes, although he didn’t disagree. But it was true. Many of their friends and others close in age often commented on their diminishing sex lives, but Brian and Justin made sure it was one area of their relationship that didn’t falter -- if anything, Justin felt that it had only been enhanced through the years, as their emotional connection grew stronger. And ever since they’d decided to become monogamous, nearly ten years before, they’d grown much more adventurous in the bedroom (or living room, balcony, kitchen, etc…), making a promise to each other that they’d keep things exciting. To Justin, their sex life was a large part of what made their relationship so sacred -- it was one thing they shared only with each other, as previous items in the article had allowed them to reaffirm.
“You know,” Justin said, leaning back against the sofa, the laptop now cradled on his lap. “I just think about all the people who said we’d never make it.”
Brian grinned. “And I say fuck ‘em. Because we’re the most sacred thing we’ve got.”
9. You’ll feel like you can talk about anything.
Brian snorted as Justin finished reading the next item on the list. “Seems the last hour has been plenty of evidence in favor of that.”
“Hmm,” Justin said, not entirely agreeing. “Anything is a pretty broad categorization.”
Brian turned his body to face Justin more directly. “Is there something you feel you can’t bring up with me? Because if memory serves, there’s very little you won’t talk about. I practically know every bathroom trip you’ve taken across the duration of knowing each other.”
“Okay, that’s a blatant exaggeration,” Justin huffed, rolling his eyes, then looked back down at the laptop screen. “This says, ‘In a relationship with the man you’ll end up married to, you’ll know you can be open about everything. Your views and beliefs won’t cause problems or lead to conflict. You’ll feel like you can talk to him about just about anything: your view on monogamy-’” Justin paused and he and Brian smirked at each other before he continued, “‘-the weather, what you’re doing over the weekend, politics… you name it. This won’t come from being married, it will be because you can talk to him about anything that you’ll want to marry him. Even before you say, ‘I do,’ talking to him will feel like the easiest thing in the world.’”
“The question still stands,” Brian said, clearly undeterred, once Justin finished. “What topics do you feel are off-limits?”
“Well,” Justin hemmed, his discomfort showing in his body language. “I guess… some things about you, for example.”
“Me?” Brian raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“Yeah,” Justin continued, a little less hesitantly. “Like, stuff with your family… and the past.”
“I see.” Brian nodded slowly, his tongue tucked firmly in his cheek.
Justin started to wonder if he’d said something very wrong, but he hadn’t really done anything more than simply be honest. Brian rarely talked about much of his life before Justin -- or really anything pertaining to his family. There was no question that things were tense, and it was not a welcome topic of discussion. He’d been present for the tail end of Brian’s dad’s life, and actually involved in the last true encounter Brian had had with his sister, over a decade before, but while neither of those memories were remotely pleasant, they were never truly discussed. The few times they’d had encounters with Joan Kinney had been awkward, and Brian had little to say afterward, but clearly had a lot of unresolved feelings. What little Justin knew aside from that, he’d mostly heard from Michael, Lindsay, or Debbie.
“Did you ever stop to think,” Brian said curiously, interrupting Justin’s mental meta-analysis, “that maybe it’s not that I refuse to talk, but rather that you never ask?”
“I-” Justin began, poised to argue, but then stopped, truly considering Brian’s words. Why did they never talk about Brian’s family? It was true that Brian didn’t readily offer the information, for one, but Brian was that way with almost anything -- most especially when it involved difficult emotions, or talking about feelings in general. Aside from that, Justin supposed Brian had a valid point -- in those moments when Brian didn’t speak up, Justin tended to shy away from asking questions, not wanting to upset his partner, or appear too nosy, always trying to maintain a respectful distance from anything Brian seemed to indicate was off-limits. As this realization struck, his posture deflated.
Brian gave a small, almost sad smile when he noticed. “At this point, there’s really not much I wouldn’t want you to know about me, Justin. If you were going to be scared away, there have already been a fuck-ton of opportunities for it to happen, so…”
“So you don’t mind if I ask?” Justin asked, to ensure that their understanding of the situation was now in alignment.
“Well, don’t fucking surprise me with loaded questions I’m not expecting,” Brian said, huffing out a small laugh. “But… if there's something you want to know more about… just ask me. And, to be fair, I guess I won’t know if there’s something I don’t want to answer until you ask it. So--”
“Play by ear?” Justin supplemented.
Brian nodded. “And I’ll do my best. About anything.”
10. You’ll feel like everything just fits into place.
“The truth is,” Justin read, coming up on the last item, “when you meet the guy you’re going to marry, things will just feel like they fell into place. Before you met your husband, maybe you weren’t looking for a relationship. Maybe you actively didn’t want one. Maybe you weren’t even sure about the whole marriage thing in the first place.
“Maybe you aren’t relationship-oriented, even if someone does sweep you off your feet. But your man will begin to change how you feel. And when you meet the guy, it’ll all just fit. You’ll be thrilled to spend forever with him.
“Meeting the man you want to be with for the rest of your life is exciting and overwhelming. More importantly, though, it’s different. It’s a unique feeling and a natural, internal knowledge that you’re with the right guy for you. And usually, when you know, you just know.”
When Justin finished reading, he looked up to find Brian staring at him intently. “What?” he asked, laughing a little.
“Marry me,” Brian whispered.
“What?” Justin laughed again, looking at Brian with a mixture of surprise and confusion. “You’re ridiculous. What are you doing?”
Brian leaned forward, capturing Justin’s lips for a long kiss before whispering, “Proving to the person I love how much I love him.”
“By marrying me?” Justin asked, still unable to fight his amused smile.
Brian shifted their positions so he was able to lower Justin to the sofa and climb on top of him, immediately working at the buttons of Justin’s shirt. As he moved down to the button of Justin’s jeans, he glanced up impishly and said, ”Think there might be something else I want to do first.”
***
One round of intense sofa-sex, and a set of shower blowjobs later, Brian and Justin crawled into bed, Brian tucking his taller frame around Justin’s body as they nestled under their duvet.
“So I take it that the article was better than you thought?” Justin asked, shifting enough so that he could glance up and see Brian’s face.
Brian shrugged noncommittally. “It had its merits.”
Justin laughed, nuzzling his head back against Brian’s shoulders, smiling when Brian’s arms tightened around him, pulling him closer. “We’re not doing too shabby.”
“Hey,” Brian said, causing Justin to look up at him again. “You never answered me.”
Justin’s brow furrowed. “What did you ask?”
Brian smiled. “I said you should marry me.”
“Ohhhh,” Justin said, a grin lighting up his face. “Right. That.”
“Yes, that!” Brian said indignantly, pulling his arms away from Justin’s body in protest.
Justin took the opportunity to turn so that he was facing Brian completely. His face grew more serious as he realized Brian wasn’t laughing. “Well, I didn’t think you were actually serious.”
Now Brian frowned. “I think everything about tonight proved just how marriage-appropriate we are. Why the fuck wouldn’t I be serious about you marrying me?”
“Hmm,” Justin began, pretending to think by giving his chin an exaggerated tap, the light glinting off the platinum band on his ring finger. “Maybe because I already did. Almost nine years ago. In case you’d forgotten.”
Brian’s expression softened again, and he pulled Justin back toward him. “I could never forget. Best fucking day of my life.”
“Must be why you want to do it again,” Justin teased. “More wedding sex.”
Finally, Brian smirked. “Trust me, Sunshine. Wedding sex was fucking phenomenal, but the bar is set pretty high these days.”
“Then why?” Justin prodded, wanting to hear Brian’s answer.
Brian leaned down and kissed him tenderly before he spoke. “Because I’d marry you again every time, every way, every chance I could. Over and over.”
“Who’d have ever thought Brian Kinney would say such a ‘ridiculously romantic’ thing about an ‘imitation heterosexual union that, by its very nature, is doomed to fail?’” Justin teased, but pushed back a lock of Brian’s hair and gave him another soft kiss before continuing. “I know you weren’t a fan of marriage for most of your life, and I know we had a lot of opinions working against our favor for a long time, but… I’m glad everyone was wrong about us.”
Brian looked into Justin’s eyes, trying desperately to convey all the love he felt toward the other man -- love that came from years of learning, growing, hurting, fixing, trying, understanding, and just simply believing. “I’m glad you were right.”
Story Notes:
This fic is loosely inspired by and includes modified portions of an article of the same name that was found on Elite Daily. Google should find it for you, if you're curious ;)
Thanks, as always, to TrueIllusion, for the beta, the encouragement, and the shared love for a sappy love story :)
Thanks, as always, to TrueIllusion, for the beta, the encouragement, and the shared love for a sappy love story :)
The End.
PrettyTheWorld is the author of 14 other stories.
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This story is a favorite of 1 members. Members who liked 10 Things... also liked 138 other stories.